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Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

TUESDAY AUGUST 28,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Have you ever wondered why the same candy bar that rots a child's teeth is a wonderful source of quick energy for adults?

 

Rules To Enter TEXAS

Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn 'em and remember 'em.
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot!

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Hummer. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you.
They
smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?   I-20 and I-10 go
east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one!

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed! We have quarter-million
dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That applies to all women, regardless of
age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and
turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and picante
sauce. Oh, yeah...we don't give a damn what you folks in Cincinnati
call that crap you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and
bred in San Antonio.... And real chili never met a tomato - OR BEANS!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch!

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the water hazards - it spooks
the fish!

15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M or the University of Texas. They come outta
there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still
wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays!

16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than
any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get
your butt whooped by the best. Remember we have access to bombers,
tanks and helicopters -- and we know how to use them.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States
can't make it without Texas!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, it tells me that someone has stolen tent."
~~~~~~~~~~~~BaBs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The parish priest very furtively calls the mother superior into his
office.

This is how their conversation went:

"Sister, I want to show you something."

"What is it, Father?

"Come into my private room & close the blinds."

"WHAT?!"

"I said....."

"I heard what you said - I just can't believe you're saying it!"

"Well, I really need you to come in."

Curious, the nun does as she is told.

"Here, sit on the bed beside me."

"I have to get out of here."

"Aren't you the least bit curious?"

Well, the nun was so she sat down beside him.

"Get under the covers."

"WHAT?????!!!!!"

The nun was really freaking out.

"It doesn't work otherwise!"

After much coaxing, the nun does get under the covers with him.

He whispers: "Come closer."

Nervously, she does get closer.

"See," the priest whispers gleefully, "my new watch does glow in the
dark!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman at our interactive advertising agency had recently returned from
her maternity leave when she sent the following e-mail:

"Whoever used the milk in the small plastic container that was in the
refrigerator yesterday, please do NOT own up to it. I would find it
forever after difficult to meet your gaze across a cafeteria table
whilst having a discussion about java applets or brand identity. Just
be aware that that milk was EXPRESSLY for my son if you get my drift. I
will label these things from now on, but if you found your coffee tasted
just a little bit unusual this morning, you might think about calling
your mom and telling her you love her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy
Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide
grin. "Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me," Bubba replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on

County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulls off the road,
put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked
the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said 'Bubba, take
whatever you want'.

So I took the truck!"

"Bubba, you're a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car
has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report.
Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any
evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the
car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two
tickets to a music concert. The note reads,

"I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I
had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please
forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of
Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and
return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods
have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic. And,
there is a note on the door reading,

"Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through
college somehow, don't I?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."

The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"

Redneck: "Why, is it required?" 
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**** Reader's Submissions ****

 

**** TODAYS LINKS ****

Handy Helpers to print

http://www.debidawn.com/handyhelpers.htm

 

Herbal Remedies

http://www.howstuffworks.com/herbal-remedies.htm

CES Audio Teaching: Failing Forward:
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=856

PENNIES have a BETTER USE than SPENDING.
Stack 'em. Oddly. Impossibly! (Click #'s at top)
http://www.coinstacking.com/PennyBridge.shtml

TO DETERMINE HOW SMART YOU ARE,
just find your job on this chart.
http://www.iqcomparisonsite.com/Occupations.

 

Game Pool

The aim of the game is to clear the pool table in the

shortest time possible.

http://www.gamescraze.com/games/?g=minipool2.swf

Ask a Real Person

http://askville.amazon.com/askville/Index.do#answers

 

Spell Web

http://www.spellweb.com/

 

video This little girl is amazing!!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LSQMd5UngSY

 

 big-bugs.com
http://www.big-bugs.com/Portfolio.html

Catfish Recipes
http://www.carlylelake.com/Fishing/Guide/Catfish/Recipes/

 

 Game Tennis Ace

Step onto center court and experience the thrill

of Wimbledon!

http://www.gamescraze.com/games/?g=tennis.swf

**** ON THIS DAY ****

From Big Al
"Just a Cop"

   The funeral line was long,
   There's an awful lot of cars,
   Folks came out of the restaurants,
   They came out of the bars.
   The workers at the construction sites
   All let their hammers drop.
   Someone asked. "What is this all for?"
   And they said,"Aw, just a Cop."

   Some chuckled at the passing cars.
   Some shed a silent tear
   Some people said,"It's stupid."
   "All these dumb policemen here."
   "How come they are not out fighting crime?"
   "Or in a doughnut shop?"
   "Sure is a lot of trouble,
   For someone who's just a Cop."

   They blocked the intersections,
   They blocked the interstate.
   People yelled and cursed,
   "Damn, it's gonna make me late!"
   "This is really ridiculous!"
   "They're makin' us all stop!"
   "It seems they are sure wastin' time,
   On someone who's just a Cop."
      
   Into the cemetery now,
   The slow procession comes,
   The woeful Taps are slowly played.
   There's loud salutes from guns.
   The graveyard workers shake their heads
   "This service is a flop."
   "There's lots of good words wasted,
   On someone who's just a Cop"

   Yeah, just a Cop to most folks.
   Did his duty every day.
   Trying to protect us,
   Till they took his life away.
   And when he got to heaven,
   St. Peter put him at the top.
   An angel asked him,
   "Who was that?"
   And he said, "Aw, just a Cop."

   The Judgment:

   The Officer stood and faced his God,
   Which must always come to pass.
   He hoped his shoes were shinning,
   Just as brightly as his brass.
   "Step forward now, Officer,
   How shall I deal with you?
   Have you always turned the other cheek?
   To my church have you been true?"

   The Officer squared his shoulder and said,
   "No, Lord, I guess I aint,
   Because those of us who carry badges can't
   always be a saint.

   I've had to work most Sundays,
   And at times my talk was rough,
   And sometimes I've been violent
   Because the streets are tough.

   But I never took a penny
   That wasn't mine to keep.
   Though I worked a lot of overtime,
   when the bills got too steep.
   And I never passed a cry for help
   Though at times I shook with fear.
   And sometimes, God forgive me,
   I've wept an unmanly tear.
   I know I don't deserve a place among the people here.
   They never wanted me around except to calm their fear.

   If you've a place for me here, Lord,
   it needn't be so grand.
   I never expected or had too much,
   But if you don't...I'll understand.

   There was silence all around the throne,
   where the saints often trod.
   As the officer waited quietly for the judgment of his God.

   "Step forward now, Officer."
   "You've borne your burdens well."
   "Come walk a beat on heaven's streets,"
   "You've done your time in Hell"

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a

personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.

-28-

Billy Grammer, Grand Ole Opry member, born Benton, IL 1925.

Texas Bill Strength, singer/recording artist/DJ, born Bessemer, AL 1928.

Tex Owens wrote and recorded "Cattle Call" 1934. Inducted NSHF 1971.

Gene Autry recorded "Here Comes Santa Clause" 1947.

Brown's Ferry Four recorded "What Shall I Do With Jesus" 1952.

Tex Williams released "This Old House" 1954.

Stringbean left the Opry, and joined the cast of Ramblin' Tommy Scott's Show, 1954.

Wilma Lee & Stoney Cooper recorded "There's A Big Wheel" 1959.

Roy Acuff appeared in Las Vegas, for the first time 1960.

Shania Twain "Eileen Edwards" born Windsor, Ontario, Canada 1965.

Buck Owens recorded "How Long Will My Baby Be Gone" 1967.

Tammy Wynette recorded "Stand By Your Man," 1968. The song went to the top of the charts, and became Tammy's fifth #1.

Sherrie Austin, singer/songwriter, born Ownsville, Queensland, Australia 1970.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "You Ain't Gonna Have Ol' Buck To Kick Around No More" 1972.

Sydney M. Kaye, BMI executive died 1979.

LeAnn Rimes, born Jackson, MS 1982.

George Strait's "Fool Hearted Memory," became his first #1 1982.

Abe Hamza promoter, died 1987.

Bob Boatman, director of Hee Haw, died 1989.

MCA released Joe Ely's "Letter to Laredo" 1995.

Kenny Chesney's #1 hit "You Had Me From Hello" charted 1999.

MTV awarded Johnny Cash's video "Hurt" the award for Best Cinematography 2003.

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

DARRYL WORLEY TO PERFORM ON CBS
LATE LATE SHOW AUGUST 31ST


NASHVILLE, Tenn.—During the West Coast leg of his Darryl and Dickel Tour, Darryl Worley stopped into the Los Angeles, California studios to tape the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. The show will air Friday, August 31st on CBS. Check local listings for specific air times.

Worley has recently heated up the press, with a photo spread in the July issue of Playgirl Magazine, which caused a flurry of media appearances. From Spike TV's Casino Cinema to CMT's Insider to Fox News Channel's Fox & Friends to the syndicated Daily Buzz morning show, Worley has not stopped to let the steam roll of his brow.


JOSH TURNER TO PERFORM ON
EMERIL LIVE ON SEPTEMBER 1ST

Live At The Ryman CD available at Cracker Barrel Old Country Store

(Nashville) – The set of Emeril Live wouldn't be complete without the sound of country music on The Food Network as Josh Turner will appear on September 1st at 8:00 pm.

Turner will make his debut on Emeril Live, to help promote the newly released Josh Turner: Live at the Ryman CD available exclusively at Cracker Barrel Old Country Store locations across the country as well as www.crackerbarrel.com.

The theme for this show is "Great Global Grilling" and will feature a special performance by Josh Turner.


Garth Brooks Explodes Onto The Airplay Charts


On Today’s Mediabase Real Time Country Chart the new Garth Brooks-“More Than A Memory” is already the Number One!
On the Mediabase chart for Sunday (8/26), Garth debuted at Number 64. That is even before the song was available for download at 12am this Monday morning.

With the song being played hourly on most stations, look for “More Than A Memory” to make a dramatic debut when the new weekly charts arrive tomorrow.  

Steel guitar player Jerry Taylor has passed away on the General Jackson Showboat

Steve Hall (Shotgun Red) emailed me the sad news that his Jerry Taylor his steel guitar player for 12 years passed away last night on the General Jackson Showboat from a heart attack.

Our prayers a condolences go out to Jerry's family at this time of sorrow, and also our prayers to Steve Hall for the loss of his great friend.

MAY JERRY'S SOUL REST IN THE PEACE IN THE ARMS OF OUR BLESSED LORD.

At this time funeral arrangements have not been completed and as soon as they become available to me, I will post them.

It's OK. he's drinkin DIET PEPSI
**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Glazed Fresh Apple Cookies from Dessert Du Jour

1-1/3  cups packed brown sugar
1/2  cup shortening
1  egg
2  cups all-purpose flour
1  teaspoon baking soda
1  teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4  teaspoon salt
1/4  teaspoon ground cloves
1/4  cup apple juice or apple cider
1-1/2  cups chopped, unpeeled apple (1 large apple)
1  cup chopped nuts
1  cup raisins
1-1/2  cups sifted powdered sugar
2  tablespoons milk
1  tablespoon butter or margarine, softened
1/4  teaspoon vanilla
  Dash salt

1. In a mixing bowl, beat brown sugar and shortening with an electric
mixer on medium speed until well combined. Beat in egg until fluffy. In
a bowl, combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, the 1/4 teaspoon salt, and
cloves. Beat into creamed mixture on low speed. Beat in apple juice or
cider. By hand, stir in apple, nuts, and raisins.
2. Drop dough by slightly rounded tablespoons onto a greased cookie
sheet. Bake in a 400 degree F for 7 to 8 minutes or until edges are
golden.
3. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the powdered sugar, milk, butter
or margarine, vanilla, and the dash salt. Stir the mixture until smooth.
Spread on warm cookies. Makes 36 cookies.

Nutrition facts per serving:Servings Per Recipe 36 cookies
Calories 141 Total Fat (g) 6 Saturated Fat (g) 1 Cholesterol (mg) 7
Sodium (mg) 65 Carbohydrate (g) 22 Fiber (g) 1 Protein (g) 2

Raspberry Cheesecake Bars

1 1/4 cups All-purpose Flour
1/2 cup Brown Sugar, firmly packed
1/2 cup Almonds, finely chopped
1/2 cup Butter-flavor Shortening
2 8-oz. packages Cream Cheese, softened
2/3 cup Granulated Sugar
2 whole Eggs
3/4 tsp. Almond Extract
1 cup Raspberry Preserves
1/2 cup Flaked Coconut
1/2 cup Sliced Almonds

Pre-heat oven to 350-F degrees and select a 9-inch
by 13-inch baking pan in which to prepare your bars.
In a large mixing bowl, blend together the flour, brown sugar,
and finely chopped almonds. Cut in the shortening
until the mixture resembles fine crumbs. Reserve 1/2 cup
of the crumb mixture for part of the topping. Press the
remaining mixture into the bottom of the selected baking pan.
Bake for 10 or 15 minutes, until the edges are golden.
Meanwhile, in a separate mixing bowl, beat together the
cream cheese, sugar, eggs, and almond extract until smooth.
Pour the mixture over the hot bar base layer just removed
from the oven. Return the cream cheese filling to the oven 
and bake for about 15 minutes. While still warm from the oven,
spread the Raspberry Preserves evenly over the top of the
cream cheese filling. In a small bowl, combine the flaked
coconut and the sliced almonds with the reserved crumb
mixture. Sprinkle the mixture evenly over the top of the
melting raspberry preserves. Return the raspberry
and cream cheese bars to the oven for 15 minutes
additional baking time. Remove from the oven and let cool,
then chill for 3 hours prior to serving.
Refrigerate to store.
Makes About 3 Dozen Bars

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Is it harmful to play really loud music in a car?

Yes, in more ways than one! Prolonged listening to music over 85 decibels loud -- about the sound level of busy city traffic -- can cause permanent noise-induced hearing loss. Though it takes about 8 hours to harm your ears at 85 decibels, crank the tunes up to 110 decibels, and it only takes a minute and a half to endanger your hearing.

You might be surprised to know that normal speaking is around 60 decibels, a baby crying is about 110, and an airplane taking off is around 140. Car stereos can blast music at levels of 140 decibels and above. Human ears adjust to sound over time, so you may not realize that the music you are playing is loud enough to be harmful.

Besides the damage you're doing to your ears, a university study found that listening to loud sound in cars decreases reaction time and decision-making ability, cutting off the vital fraction of a second it takes to avoid an accident. So booming music while cruising in your car increases your chances of getting into a wreck.

Some concerned citizens want to prevent people from playing loud thumpin' music in their cars. But there are those who love listening to car-shaking music. The most extreme bass-lovers participate in decibel drag-racing. Check out the links in our Hearing category for more

****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Did you ever wonder why we show so much respect
for the dead -- but hardly any for the living?

LAST CALL Y'ALL

Though strictly forbidden by his wife from conducting experiments in their home, the German chemist Christian F. Schonbein sometimes disobeyed her when she wasn't around.

While experimenting in the kitchen one day in 1845, Schonbein accidentally spilled a mixture of nitric and sulfuric acids. In a panic, he grabbed his wife's cotton apron and mopped up the mess. He then hung it over the stove to dry before its unsuspecting owner came home.

Schonbein's deception went unnoticed - until the apron spontaneously ignited and burned so quickly that virtually disappeared in a flash. Fortunately, his wife wasn't wearing it at the time.

Next time y'all wave at me, use more than one finger, please.
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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