---

---

Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

FRIDAY  SEPTEMBER 7,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: GEMS MAY BE PRECIOUS,
BUT FRIENDSHIP IS PRICELESS!

Benefits of Aging
According to Blondie

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed
has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering,
then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
-----------------------------------------
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia
he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son;
do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me ...
your mother is going to come
and live with you and your wife...."
-----------------------------------------
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
------------------------------------------
The older we get, the fewer things seem
worth waiting in line for.
------------------------------------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
--------------------------------------------
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
----------------------------------------------
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
---------------------------------------------
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
----------------------------------------------
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
----------------------------------------------
One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.
----------------------------------------------
Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
-----------------------------------------------
Old age is when former classmates are so gray
and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
----------------------------------------------
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,
you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
--------------------------------------
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
-------------------------------------------
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
with sticks, it was called witchcraft..
Today, it's called golf.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Homer-isms
If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!

If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.

Children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils.

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don't even get paid for the stuff they do?

Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.

My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

Is the poop deck really what I think it is?

I have a great new motivation tecnique, it is donuts, and the possibility of more donuts.

I'm not a bath man myself. More of a cologne man.

Vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.

How is education going to make me smarter?

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

How many pounds are in a gallon?

They didn't have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes.

I wish God were alive to see this.

I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.

Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.

If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?

Oh, spiteful one! Tell me who to spite and they shall be spoten.

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.

All these guys with six pack abs, and I'm the only one with a keg.

Marge, it's uter-us not uter-you.

My dreams have been shattered into shards of a broken dream.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

Cable. It's more wonderful than I dared hope.

Television. Teacher, mother, secret lover.

A woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good and you'd step over your own mother just to get one.

Damn you, Rock-em Sock-em Robots! Can't we all just get along?

I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.

A gun is not a weapon, it's a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

American donuts. Glazed, powdered and raspberry-filled. Now how's that for freedom of choice?

Canada? Why would I want to leave America just to visit America, Jr.?

I never apologize, I'm sorry but that's the way I am.

I'd love to go to church, honey, but I've got a lot of work to do around the bed.

I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.

But Dad, you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

He's trying to hypnotize me, and it's not in that good Las Vegas kind of way.

It's like the story of David and Goliath, except this time David won.

Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.

I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

Internet. They have that on computers now?

It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to listen.

Just sit through this NRA meeting Marge, and if you still don't think guns are great then we'll argue some more
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Goofproof~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman was telling her friend, "You know, Jane, it was me who made my
husband what he is today--a millionaire."

"Is that right? Well, what was he before you married him?" asked the
Jane.

The woman replied,

    "A billionaire!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My niece, after living in several apartments, found one in the area
where she had grown up.

"The best thing about this apartment," she said to her sister, "is that
it's within walking distance of the grocery store."

"What grocery store? I don't recall a close by grocery store replied her
sister..

"You know....." my niece said.... "Mom's house."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A customer was really harrassing and hassling an airline agent at the
ticket counter -- yelling and using foul language.

However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer
continued to abuse her.

When the man finally left, the next person in line said to the agent,

"Geez, does that happen often? I can't believe how nice you were to him
after the way he treated you!"

The agent smiled and whispered, "No problemo! I took care of it! He's
going to Detroit.......

his bags, however, heh heh, are going to Bangkok."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone.

The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and
crashes into the ditch.

The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them.

The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man.

"So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer.

"Were they all dead?"

To which the man replied,

"Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was a good man but a bit stingy. He would bargain and haggle on a
price, never paying the price asked. He especially hated paying his
medical fees.

One day, while eating fish, a bone became lodged in his
throat and within minutes he could scarcely breathe. His wife
frantically calls the family doctor, who arrived just as the patient's
face was turning blue. The physician quickly removed the bone with a
pair of forceps.

After he was breathing normally again, although
overwhelmed with gratitude to the doctor for saving his life, he began
to worry about the medical fees.

Trying his best to keep his costs down & down play the whole episode, he
turns to the good doctor and asks,

"So, doc, how much do I owe you for that small two-minute job?"

The doctor, who knew his patient's miserly habit all too
well, replies,

"Just pay me half of what you would have when the bone was still stuck
in your throat

SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&





&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 
You can join The Funnies
IT'S  FREE
To subscribe, Click on link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**** Reader's Submissions ****

 

**** TODAYS LINKS ****

American Rhetoric
http://americanrhetoric.com/

 

Major League Baseball The Official Site
http://www.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/index.jsp

NOAA - National Weather Service
http://www.nws.noaa.gov/

Nothing Better To Do

Move your cursor around the bear picture
http://www.nobodyhere.com/toren.hier

In Pictures | Lunar eclipse

http://tinyurl.com/263ueh

 

 Game Square Dance

You get to call a square dance, and solve the puzzles.

http://www.brainbashers.com/gameloader/loader.asp?game=125

**** ON THIS DAY ****

http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you've been a teacher a long time when you find
yourself marking, underlining and grading articles in the paper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When you see a rattlesnake poised to strike, you do not wait
until he has struck before you crush him." (Franklin D. Roosevelt)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
     subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
 
 

Race 17 of 17
Sunday, September 9

Joliet, Illinois

2006 Winner: Dan Wheldon

Distance: 200 laps/300 miles

TV: 4 p.m. on ABC
Worldwide TV: Download Listings »

Radio: IMS Radio Network »
indycar.com Simulcast »
XM IndyCar Series Racing Channel 145 and
XM Sports Nation Channel 144

Race times are Eastern and subject to change

STRETCH RUN: Dixon, Franchitti up for finale

 

"I suppose if I were a conspiracy theorist, I'd be worried about things," says Mike Hull, managing director of Chip Ganassi Racing, a team that counts Dixon and Dan Wheldon as its drivers. "I expect a high degree of professionalism from everybody involved — all the race teams in the pits, all the drivers on the track and the IRL (officials) who administer the race.

 

"If all those things come into play, then the champion will be truly crowned. If those things don't happen, it's a false championship."

 

FIND MORE STORIES IN: IRL | Andretti | Chicagoland Speedway | Dario Franchitti | Dixon | AGR
Indy Racing League President Brian Barnhart, who also serves as the series' chief steward, says he's not about to let team orders — the practice of allowing a teammate to pass, usually to protect a lead in the standings — taint the championship.

 

"I think everyone understands what is accepted and what is not," Barnhart says. "It is in everyone's best interest to perform within the code of ethics that is expected of everyone. It is an important issue from our standpoint as we balance the integrity of our sport with the competitive nature of these teams and what they are trying to accomplish this weekend."

 

AGR teammates have hurt each other more than helped this season as three collisions have frustrated each of the four drivers. The most recent and costly came in Sonoma, Calif., on Aug. 26 when Marco Andretti and Franchitti came into contact with one another late in the race.

 

Franchitti's front wing was damaged and he dropped from first to third, but AGR's Tony Kanaan — who is a long shot to win the championship at 39 points back — became a moving road block as he prevented Sam Hornish Jr. from advancing.

 

Barnhart didn't penalize Kanaan or AGR but gave all competitors a warning in the drivers meeting before last Sunday's Detroit Indy Grand Prix.

 

"We've been talking about this at great lengths for the last several events, and our position is not going to change," Barnhart says.

 

AGR's plan last weekend in Detroit was to keep one of its cars on Dixon's tail the entire race, according to team co-owner Michael Andretti. He says the strategy this weekend will hinge on where his cars qualify.

 

"I don't know what that will be," Andretti says. "We're just going to have to wait and see where we're running. Those kinds of things are discussed more on Sunday morning."

In the Pits: NASCAR Chase drama lags behind IRL championship race 

By Jenna Fryer, AP Auto Racing Writer
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The championship race is so tight and so tense, tempers are boiling. Car owners have nearly come to blows. Accusations of dirty driving abound.
This, however, is the IndyCar Series, its final month full of bickering and blocking. All of which is a tremendous buildup for Sunday's season finale in Chicago, where Indianapolis 500 winner Dario Franchitti will attempt to hold off Scott Dixon and teammate Tony Kanaan for the title.

 

Meanwhile, back in America's No. 1 racing series, NASCAR's much-hyped "Race to the Chase" has been a bit of a dud.

 

Only Dale Earnhardt Jr. remains mathematically eligible to grab one of the final Chase spots Saturday night at Richmond. But Earnhardt is 128 points behind the 12th and final qualifying spot, and even he admits his chances are slim to none.

 

"It doesn't look like we're going to make it, but we're not going to quit trying until they tell us we're not (in)," Earnhardt said after finishing fifth in Sunday night's race at California Speedway.

 

FIND MORE STORIES IN: NASCAR | IRL | Chase | Auto Racing | California Speedway | Andretti | Tony Kanaan | Scott Dixon | Buddy Rice | Michael Andretti
And that's what this 26-race "regular season" has come down to: Junior's last, desperate grasp at the title he's never delivered to his daddy's company, and the need for catastrophe to strike a rival driver to make it happen.

 

Of course, this is the precursor to the main event. The 10-race march to the Nextel Cup championship is still a week away, and it's possible it will be a nail-biter down to the Nov. 18 finale.

 

But, oh, if only it could be half as juicy as the IRL.

 

In the span of seven days:

 

-Dixon took the points lead out of Sonoma when Franchitti wrecked with teammate Marco Andretti late in the race. It left Franchitti steaming on pit road, where he was calmed by actress wife Ashley Judd before he coolly criticized Andretti. Meanwhile, team owner Michael Andretti was equally unimpressed with Franchitti.

 

-At the very same time, Dixon and top league officials were disgusted when Kanaan deliberately didn't pass Franchitti late at Sonoma so that his teammate wouldn't lose valuable points. By admittedly laying back, Kanaan prevented anyone else from passing Franchitti - tactics racing great Rick Mears said damaged the integrity of sport.

 

-Kanaan then won Sunday's race in Detroit, putting himself in mathematical contention to win the title while caustically dedicating the performance to Mears.

 

-Dixon and Franchitti, meanwhile, were involved in a last-lap crash that started when Buddy Rice ran out of gas. It caused Dixon to run into Rice, and his spinning car slid across the track in front of Franchitti. Dixon said it was accidental and Franchitti said he believed him, but Michael Andretti strongly accused Dixon of deliberately wrecking his rival.

 

-Although Franchitti moved back into the points lead, Andretti was so incensed, he and co-owner Kevin Savoree confronted Dixon's owner, Chip Ganassi. Witnesses said the men almost came to blows.

 

Everybody is mad at somebody, and it will all culminate Sunday in Chicago, where Franchitti leads Dixon by a whisper-thin three points and Kanaan is a manageable 39 back.

 

NASCAR won't have nearly that drama Saturday night at Richmond International Raceway, where barring a disaster to Martin Truex Jr., Kurt Busch or Kevin Harvick, the current top 12 drivers will simply advance to the Chase.

 

It will still be compelling to watch Earnhardt give it one last shot, and it was riveting to watch him Sunday night in California.

 

He was red-faced and spent after driving his wheels off for 500 miles in 100-degree heat, and the twinge in his voice made his words sound like a concession speech. Earnhardt is leaving Dale Earnhardt Inc. at the end of the season, and this is his final opportunity to win a Cup title in his beloved No. 8 Chevrolet.

 

"I would like to thank my team," Earnhardt said. "I like to think they can run just as good without me, but I would never be able to run that good without them."

 

It will be interesting to see if Harvick can stop his slide. The Daytona 500 winner has plummeted from seventh to 12th the past six weeks.

 

He'll claim he's not concerned, and the sensible part of him knows it will be awfully hard for Earnhardt to gain 128 points on him in one final race. But he's clearly on edge.

 

"We're in the race," he growled, when asked if he was concerned about the Chase following his 14th-place finish Sunday night. "You make a story about it and jerk everybody around and make them feel it's a good story. I feel like you're asking me stupid questions because we're in good shape."

 

Unlike last year, when defending champion Tony Stewart stunningly missed the Chase, or 2004 when Jeremy Mayfield won Richmond to earn his berth, there shouldn't be much drama beyond Harvick's snarls and Earnhardt's effort.

 

Only 10 drivers made the Chase in its first three seasons, and the field was expanded to 12 this year. After one season, it appears adding the two spots has watered down the field and taken all the air out the "Race to the Chase."

 

Yet it's way too early to call it a bust - the Chase may still be fantastic. And there's still time to hope it produces a fraction of the IRL's fireworks.

 

The Associated Press

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-7-

Charles Hardin Holley, "Buddy Holly," born Lubbock, TX 1936. Inducted R&RHF 1986, NSHF

1994.

Ronnie Dove born Herndon, VA 1940.

Craig Bickhardt, songwriter/session musician, born Philadelphia, PA 1954.

Eddy Arnold's "I'm Throwing Rice (At The Girl I Love)" topped the charts 1949.

Elvis Presley's "Teddy Bear" was #1 in 1957.

Warner Mack's "The Bridge Washed Out" topped the charts 1965.

Mac Davis' #1 hit "Stop And Smell The Roses" charted 1974.

Hubert Long died 1972. Inducted CMHF 1979.

Waylon Jennings "Greatest Hits" album certified platinum 1979.

Mercury Records released Vassar Clements' album "Vassar Clements" 1975.

Reba McEntire released her album "The Last One To Know" 1987.

Don Williams' "Back In My Younger Days," enter the charts at #1 in 1990.

A&M released John Hiatt's album "Perfectly Good Guitar" 1993.

Sara Evans' "I Keep Looking" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 chart 2002.

Terri Clarks single "Girls Lie Too" went to #1 in 2004.

L. E. White, age 74, singer/musician/songwriter, died Hendersonville, TN 2004.

-8-

Jimmie Rodgers born Meridian, MS 1897. Inducted CMHF 1961, NSHF 1970.The "Singing Brakeman," was the first person to be inducted into the CMHF.

Milton Brown, Western Swing bandleader/singer, born Stephenville, TX 1903.

Harlan Howard, "The Dean of Songwriters," born Detroit, MI 1927.

Patsy Cline born "Virginia Patterson Hensley," Winchester, VA 1932. Inducted CMHF 1973.

Buck Owens played lead guitar on Tommy Collins first recording session, at Capitol Records Melrose Avenue Studios, in Los Angeles 1953. The first song recorded was "You Better Not Do That." The single became Collin's first hit, reaching No. 2 on the charts.

George Morgan released "Candy Kisses," for Columbia Records 1958.

Hank Garland seriously injured in a car wreck near Springfield, TN 1961.

Jo Ann Campbell's single "I'm The Girl On Wolverton Mountain" charted 1962.

The movie "Forty Acre Feud" starring several Music City artists, including Bill Anderson, Minnie Pearl and George Jones premiered in Nashville 1965.

Neko Case, singer/songwriter, born Alexandria, VA 1970.

Kenny Rogers' "Love Will Turn You Around" topped the charts 1982.

Dick Heard, age 61, died from cancer in 1998. Heard wrote, "Abigal Beecher, My History Teacher," and co-wrote "Kentucky Rain" with Eddie Rabbitt.

Shania Twain won four awards from the Canadian Country Music Association 2003.

Loretta Lynn's latest book "You're Cookin' It Country" was released 2004.

The International Bluegrass Music Association's "Bluegrass Fan Fest" was held in Louisville, KY 2004.

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Garth Brooks sets record, debuting at number one

Wednesday, September 5, 2007 – The top-selling solo artist of the 20th century (RIAA) has re-written the record books once again. With his new single, "More Than a Memory" (Pearl Records/Big Machine), Garth Brooks became the first artist in history to debut at number one on the Billboard Country Singles Chart, making him the highest country debut leader of all time.

The charts will be officially released Thursday.

The new single comes from Brooks' "The Ultimate Hits" collection, out Nov. 6.

On Aug. 18, Brooks and Big Machine Records president Scott Borchetta announced a unique arrangement for Big Machine Records to exclusively promote and market his upcoming singles to country radio.

Borchetta said, "The opportunity and the honor to represent the greatest that our industry has ever seen is one that I could not pass up. To experience his musical genius, desire and passion first-hand is extraordinary. We came up with a plan to set up this incredible new music at radio and he took it to another level - truly magical. Radio responded with open arms and enormous excitement and the result is... historical."

 

Blake Shelton donates $100K for Oklahoma disaster relief

Thursday, September 6, 2007 – Blake Shelton presented Oklahoma Gov. Brad Henry and Project Rebuild with a $100,000 check Wednesday to assist Oklahomans impacted by recent severe weather and flooding.

Shelton recently hosted the second annual RAINDANCE concert in his hometown of Ada to raise money for Project Rebuild, a public-private partnership of state officials, faith-based organizations and trade associations that builds and repairs homes for disaster victims.

The money will help Oklahomans recover from record rains and flooding. Since May, severe weather has pounded a number of Oklahoma communities, triggering heavy flooding that has damaged or destroyed hundreds of homes and businesses.

"I am so proud that my fellow Oklahomans came through another year and supported RAINDANCE to make it the success that it was," said Shelton. "The monies raised went directly to families in need and this year, instead of wildfire devastation, we're looking at folks hit by floods. RAINDANCE was held in my hometown of Ada and there are many, many volunteers who helped out and gave freely of their time and money to help pull this event off. Not only my neighbors helped out but also some of my friends from the entertainment and sporting industries came out and pitched in. It gives me great pleasure on behalf of all of them to present this money to Project Rebuild."

Henry said, "Oklahomans have the biggest hearts in the world, and Blake Shelton is living proof of that. I want to thank Blake, his fellow RAINDANCE participants and the Project Rebuild volunteers for their generous efforts. As Oklahomans rebuild and recover from this year's flooding, this donation will provide a much-needed helping hand."

Launched in 1999 to help tornado victims, Project Rebuild is designed to assist those Oklahomans who either had no insurance or were underinsured and are having difficulty repairing or replacing their home. Organizers want Project Rebuild to be a continuing effort that helps Oklahomans who are affected by future disasters.

Garth Brooks, Taylor Swift top Billboard country music charts

Thursday, September 6, 2007 – Garth Brooks returned to the top of the Billboard country song chart with "More Than a Memory," debuting at number one in its first week, while Taylor Swift once again was at the head of the pack on the album chart for the week ending Sept. 15 with her self-titled debut.

Brooks replaced Rodney Atkins' "These Are My People," which fell to second. The new single is from a greatest hits package with several new songs out in November.

Rascal Flatts was up one to third with "Take Me There." Reba McEntire's duet with Kelly Clarkson, "Because of You," fell from second to fourth, while Brooks & Dunn remained fifth with "Proud of the House We Built."

Carrie Underwood's first single from her upcoming second disc, "So Small," was down 2 to 13, while Kenny Chesney's second single from his disc out Tuesday, "Don't Blink," was up 2 to 14th.

The only other new song in the top 25 was Montgomery Gentry's "What Do Ya Think About That" in 25th up 1.

On the album chart, Swift sold 26,818 units for the week, her seventh straight at number 1.

Lyle Lovett And His Large Band debuted in second with "It's Not Big It's Large," selling about 25,000 units. Tim McGraw's "Let It Go" was up two to third, while Brad Paisley remained in fourth with "5th Gear." Underwood's "Some Hearts" was up one to fifth.

Atkins' "If You're Going Through Hell" was up 4 to 14th. Montgomery Gentry was up 4 to 25th with "Some People Change."

On the overall top 200, Swift was 15th, Lovett 18th, McGraw 31st, Paisley 37th and Underwood 46th.

 

Suzy Bogguss Is In Sweet Danger This Fall
Platinum-Selling Singer Explores Jazzy Side on New Album

Nashville, Tenn.—Multi might be the best adjective to describe talented singer/songwriter Suzy Bogguss. Multi-award-wining, multi-platinum, and as her new CD Sweet Danger so expertly proves, she’s multi-faceted. She co-produced the album with famed jazz/pop keyboardist and producer Jason Miles, who’s worked with Miles Davis, Luther Vandross and Sting. The two brought together Nashville and New York musicians, culling the best of both worlds to create an instantly engaging, groove-oriented record infused with jazz rhythms and Bogguss’ signature vocals. This highly anticipated album comes out today, September 4th, on Loyal Dutchess Records.

She says recording the album was one of the most challenging and freeing experiences of her career. "I love the sweetness of making a snap decision and the danger of living with the consequences. When I went to New York the first time and we started to record I thought, ‘Oh my God, what is this music?’ I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know how to control it. But then I just let go, enjoyed the process and followed the music wherever it needed to go. I came home with these tracks that were new and different and that was so exciting. I couldn't wait to get started writing the rest of the album."

Fans will soon be able to share her enthusiasm. Sweet Danger, like all of her previous work, is filled with songs full of emotional integrity. She covers Chicago’s "If You Leave Me Now" and creates a totally new vibe by stripping the song down to its emotional core and rebuilding it with a tight acoustic ensemble. "No Good Way To Go" is a tongue-in-cheek lesson in "the break up" delivered in a bluesy, whispered rap. She turns to husband/songwriter Doug Crider for "In Heaven," the emotional centerpiece of the album written about some of the couple's best friends.

Throughout her career Bogguss has shown a knack for blending songs of substance and depth with mass-market appeal. Songs like "Aces," "Drive South," "Someday Soon," "Outbound Plane" and "Letting Go" took her to the top of the country music charts. Along the way she won raves from critics and her peers. She won the Country Music Association’s "Horizon Award" in 1992 and "Album of the Year" Award in 1994.

Sweet Danger is a natural evolution from the universally praised album, Swing, which she recorded in 2003 with Ray Benson of Asleep At The Wheel, and Simpatico, her earlier much loved collaboration with Chet Atkins. Still, as the title of the new album implies, she had to risk following her muse into uncharted musical territory in order to find these newest treasures.

With great risk comes great reward, and discerning music lovers are the real winners here. Suzy Bogguss dares to take the road less traveled and that has made all the difference.

###

For hi-resolution images, listening tracks, as well as more supporting documents, please visit www.lotosnile.com and click MEDIA and ARTISTS. For review copies or interview requests, please hit reply.

Tour Dates:

9/8/2007 Triple Door, Seattle WA
9/9/2007 The Aladdin Theater, Portland OR
9/13/2007 The Pabst Theater, Milwaukee WI
9/14/2007 Borders Books & Music Davenport #292, Davenport IA
9/15/2007 Cedar Cultural Center, Minneapolis MN
9/16/2007 FitzGerald's, Berwyn IL
9/17/2007 The Ark, Ann Arbor MI
9/17/2007 Borders Books & Music Downtown Ann Arbor #01, Ann Arbor MI
9/21/2007 Joe’s Pub, New York NY
9/23/2007 Mountain Stage @ Cultural Center Theatre, Charleston WV
10/3/2007 Granada Theater, Dallas TX
10/4/2007 McGonigel's Mucky Duck, Houston TX
10/6/2007 Piney Woods Cowboy Gathering - Music City Texas Theater, Linden TX
12/1/2007 Sellersville Theatre, Sellersville PA
12/2/2007 The Birchmere, Alexandria VA
12/8/2007 Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts, Bloomington IL
12/14-24/2007 The Broadmoor Hotel, Colorado Springs CO

Suzy's Website
Suzy's MySpace

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Low / No Fat:
 Cherry Cream Cheese Coffee Cake 

Streusel:
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 tablespoons light brown sugar
2 tablespoons cold butter, cut into small pieces
3 tablespoons sliced almonds

Cream Cheese:
4 ounces light cream cheese (Neufchatel), softened
3 tablespoons granulated sugar

Cake:
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
2/3 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
2/3 cup 2% reduced-fat milk
2 cups pitted cherries (about 10 ounces)

1. Preheat oven to 350F. Coat a 9-inch square baking
pan with cooking spray.
2. To prepare the streusel, combine flour, granulated
sugar and brown sugar. Cut in butter with a pastry
blender or two knives until crumbly. Stir in almonds.
3. To prepare the cream cheese, combine cream
cheese and granulated sugar; stir until smooth.
4. To prepare the cake, beat butter, granulated sugar,
egg, and vanilla and almond extracts until evenly
blended. Turn to low speed, add flour, baking powder
and salt alternately with milk; beat until blended. Pour
into prepared pan. Top with small spoonfuls of cheese
mixture. Top with cherries and sprinkle with streusel.
5. Bake 50 minutes or until cake begins to pull away
from sides of pan. Cool on wire rack. Serve warm.
Serves 9.
 
Nutritional Information
Per serving: 290 calories, 13g fat, 5g prot., 41g carbs.,
2g fiber, 200mg sodium.

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

What's the best way to get rid of dandruff?

Probably the best way to get rid of those unsightly flakes is to try one of several over-the-counter specialty shampoos. If your condition is chronic, you may want to consult your doctor about a prescription steroid lotion.

Doctors aren't sure what causes seborrheic dermatitis, the condition that results in flaky skin. However, the condition is often exacerbated by "stress, fatigue, oily skin, infrequent shampooing or skin cleansing," and alcohol-based lotions.

Many doctors note that besides using topical medication, it's a good idea to tackle some of the risk factors listed above. Seborrheic dermatitis tends to be an inherited condition.

One link we came across warns against using too many hairsprays, gels, or coloring products. Tight fitting hats don't help. Finally, most doctors suggest you let your dandruff shampoo soak for at least five minutes before rinsing. Check out the links in our Anti Dandruff category for more.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.

LAST CALL Y'ALL

Just as my four-year-old son, Andy, came into the kitchen wearing his dad's fly-fishing vest, the phone rang. I asked my six-year- old to answer while I removed the vest before one of the sharp hooks adorning it hurt Andy. When I finally took the phone, the caller told me she had a wrong number. "But out of curiosity, I decided to stay on the line," she continued, "because the child who answered told me his mommy couldn't come to the phone, she wasn't done taking Daddy's clothes off."

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. 
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME  
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.
Our features are intended to be for entertainment only.