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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Carlisle ,Indiana U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000 "Friends are God's way of taking care of us." These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything. Welcome New Subscribers If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them Remember,it is easier to get older than it is to get wiser God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked , The good fortune to run into the ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference. MONDAY SEPTEMBER 17,2007 THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." - Dave Barry Half a FUNNIES is better than No Funnies....Sorry Joink's email server is down?????? I'LL DIGG IN MY FILES AN GIVE YA WHAT I CAN Cowboy logic One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him ALL the hay." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lunching with a friend in a fast-food restaurant, I was telling her about a teenager who had rear-ended my car. The teen blamed me for the accident. "She even called me every dirty name in the book!" I said. Just then I looked over to the next table where two nine-year-old boys had apparently been paying close attention to my story. One said to the other, "There s a book?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn t in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. "Yes, I do," she replies. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love? " "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years? " "I remember that, too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The trembling monkey said, "Because you are the King of the Jungle, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The terrified deer stammered, "Oh great lion, because you are the king of the jungle, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll, the lion swaggered up to little field mouse, and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" And the little field mouse replied, "I been sick." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviours on the part of the rabbit, including a tendency for it to eschew jumping but rather to embrace running around like its stepsiblings. As the rabbit passed through puberty, however, it soon faced an identity crisis (don't we all!). It went to its stepparents to discuss the problem. It allowed as to how it felt different from its stepsiblings, was unsure of its place in the universe, and was generally forlorn. Their response was ... "Don't scurry, be hoppy." An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own. This adoption led to some peculiar behaviours on the part of the rabbit, including a tendency for it to eschew jumping but rather to embrace running around like its stepsiblings. As the rabbit passed through puberty, however, it soon faced an identity crisis (don't we all!). It went to its stepparents to discuss the problem. It allowed as to how it felt different from its stepsiblings, was unsure of its place in the universe, and was generally forlorn. Their response was ... "Don't scurry, be hoppy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little boy was sent to a Catholic school by his folks. Of course, he had no idea of who Jesus, Joseph, or Mary were, and on the first day of school, he got punished by the teacher for not knowing such basic things. Hearing upon his story, his mother soothed him, and said, "Don't worry son. I'll sew the answers to those questions on your collar, and every time your teacher asks you a question, all you have to do is to peek at your collar." And so she sewed the answers on her son's collar. The following day, the teacher came up to him, and asked him, "Who is the Holy Virgin?" The boy peeked at his collar and replied, "Mary." The teacher seemed a little bit surprised, but continued on. "And who is her husband?" After another peek at the collar, he replied, "Joseph." "Why, very good son," the teacher commented. "And for the last one," said the teacher. "Who is their son?" The boy peeked again at his collar and replied confidently, "NIKE!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At the dinner table one evening our family was discussing investment possibilities. My wife said she was interested in buying some Wal-Mart stock. When our third-grader asked what shares of stock are, we explained that we would own a part of the Wal-Mart company. His suggestion: "Be sure to get the toy aisle." At the dinner table one evening our family was discussing investment possibilities. My wife said she was interested in buying some Wal-Mart stock. When our third-grader asked what shares of stock are, we explained that we would own a part of the Wal-Mart company. His suggestion: "Be sure to get the toy aisle." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar. And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. "To make the gravy," came her enthusiastic reply. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thoughts of Love ??? Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty & so is your head. ~~~~~ Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face. ~~~~~ I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. ~~~~~ I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off your face. ~~~~~ I love your smile, your face, and your eyes . .. Darn, I'm good at telling lies! ~~~~~ Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt, If its true, I'd prefer you inside out. ~~~~~ I see your face when I am dreaming That's why I always wake up screaming. ~~~~~ My love, you take my breath away What have you stepped in to smell this way? ~~~~~ What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime. ~~~~~ What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette? A hostage. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Consider the young woman who came home down in the dumps after a date with her steady boyfriend. "What's wrong?" her mother asked. "Oh, Mama. Itzic Goldbaum proposed to me an hour ago." "Oy! Then why are you so sad?" "Because he told me he is an atheist! Mama, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." "Rachael, my girl, he's rich - marry him anyway," her mother said. "Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack. The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack lasted only 6 hours!" ***TODAY'S LITTLE KNOWN FACTS *** Many people continue to believe that a check drawn on a bank account must not be dated on a Sunday, can not be drawn for any amount less than a dollar, and must be on a form, specified by the bank. None of this is true. A check for one cent dated on a Sunday and written on a flat rock can be just as good as any other, at least in some states. An Oregon taxpayer, in fact, some time ago expressed his frustration by sending the Internal Revenue Service a check cast in plaster of Paris weighing several pounds. It was duly cashed and returned to the bank, which processed it by hand. Nor are so-called counter checks - that is blank forms on which the name of the bank must be entered - illegal, although many retail establishments attempt to give this impression. The adoption by almost all banks of "personalized" checks designed for computerized operation has, it is true, discouraged the use of counter checks; and, of course, any establishment may refuse to accept any check, "counter" or not. But this is a matter of convenience - the bank's convenience, primarily - rather than a matter of law. ~~~~~ An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck. ~~~~~ Mexico City is sinking at a rate of 6 to 8 inches a year because it s built on top of an underground reservoir. Wells are drawing out more and more water for the city s growing population of more than 15 million people. ~~~~~ A father sea catfish keeps the eggs of his young in his mouth until they are ready to hatch. He will not eat until his young are born, which may take several weeks. ~~~~~ Snails produce a colorless, sticky discharge that forms a protective carpet under them as they travel along. The discharge is so effective that they can crawl along the edge of a razor without cutting themselves. ~~~~~ Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5 p.m. All traffic stopped as people switched sides. This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize 'this' was the day of the changeover. ~~~~~ For safe storage, place eggs on a shelf of the refrigerator (not on the door). Each time the door is opened or closed, the temperature changes, which can shorten the shelf life of foods. A carton of fresh eggs can be safely stored in the refrigerator for about 5 weeks, according to the American Egg Board. ~~~~~~ An old North Carolina trick....Stick open bottles into the middle of molehills to deter moles, as the sound of wind blowing over the empty bottle tops will scare the moles away. Most Embarrassing Moments There was once an accounting firm where the senior CPA knew everything there was to know about accounting. He could answer any question. He knew all the tax laws: There wasn't a better accountant anywhere. Every morning when he came to work, he would unlock his desk drawer, open it up and look inside for a moment, and then close and lock it again. This puzzled all of his co-workers, because it was the only eccentricity that this genius exhibited. For years no one dared to breach etiquette and snoop through his desk, but his odd behavior became something of a legend around the office. One day when the elderly man was home sick, one junior ac- countant could control himself no longer. Taking a letter opener he carefully pried open the desk lock. Inside he found one sheet of paper, and written in large letters was: "DEBITS ON THE LEFT...CREDITS ON THE RIGHT" **** YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS **** TO: Medical Personnel FROM: Human Resources It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following. Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper". Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome." HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms." Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted." Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants." The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge". And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), or CTD (circling the drain). I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries. Sincerely, Director of Human Resources AND FINALLY, The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A few days after our friends brought their baby girl home from the hospital, my husband, our eight-month-old son and I went over for a visit. We were halfway up their driveway when the front door flew open and their three-year-old son, Reese, stood there, his hand in the air like a police officer stopping traffic. "We already have a baby here!" he informed us. &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Shirley's ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe, send your request to: bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& **** Reader's Submissions **** JUST NOT ANY WHERE NEAR MY TRUCK **** TODAYS LINKS **** **** ON THIS DAY **** A little girl and her father were crossing a flimsy bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter: "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."And the little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" asked the puzzled father "There is a big difference," replied the little girl. "Dad, if I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But, if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go." In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind but in its bond. **** HEADS UP FOLKS **** These Are My Causes Please Help This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent. I use it myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a personal trainer, user forums and event calendar. http:// www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: What did the bee say to the other bee in summer? A: Swarm here isn't it! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ QUESTION: Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery? ANSWER: The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thoughts or Comments jokes or stories U Send'em and I'll print'em Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this jim4615@joink.com subject Line--- The Funnies ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** COUNTRY CALENDAR **** -16- Ralph Mooney steel guitarist/songwriter, born Duncan, OK 1928. Roger Bush of the Country Gazette, born Hollywood, CA 1940. Sonny Le Maire of "Exile," born Fort Lee, VA 1946. Earl Scruggs first recording session with Bill Monroe 1946. Hank Locklin's single "The Same Sweet Girl" charted 1949. David Bellamy of the Bellamy Brothers born Darby, FL 1950. Bobby Randall, "Sawyer Brown," born Midland, MI 1952. Michael Rhodes, bassist/studio musician, born West Monroe, LA 1953. Ricky Nelson released "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You," 1957. Terry McBride "McBride and the Ride," born Austin, TX 1958. Jeannie Seely joined the Grand Ole Opry 1967. Ronnie Milsap's "Please Don't Tell Me How The Story Ends" was #1 in 1974. Billy Thompson, front man, for Hank Thompson's Brazos Valley Boys, died 1989. Tanya Tucker's album "What Do I Do With Me' certified gold 1992. Lorrie Morgan's album "War Paint" certified platinum 1994. Brooks & Dunn released their "The Greatest Hits Collection" on Arista 1997. Sheb Wooley, a.k.a. Ben Colder, age 82, died 2003 Randy Owen, Teddy Gentry, Jeff Cook and Mark Herndon "Alabama" were inducted into the Vocal Group Hall of Fame 2004. -17- Hank Williams born "King Hiram Williams," in a log cabin in Mount Olive, AL 1923. Hank became the third person to be elected to the Country Music Hall Of Fame 1961. Bill Black born Memphis, TN 1926. RCA debuted their first 33 1/3-rpm Long Play (LP) record in 1931. Lefty Frizzell's "Always Late (With Your Kisses)" topped the charts 1951. Steve Sanders, "Oak Ridge Boys," born Richland, GA 1952. Johnny Cash debuted on British television 1959. Loretta Lynn's debut appearance at the Grand Ole Opry, 1960. David Houston's "My Elusive Dream" was #1 in 1967. Reba McEntire debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1977. Debbie Boone's #1 single "You Light Up My Life" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 Chart 1977. Anne Murray released her single "A Little Good News." 1983. The song went to #1, and was voted CMA Single of the Year. Kenny "Rudy" Trietsch, age 84, "Hoosier Hot Shots," died 1987. RCA Records released Alabama's album "Alabama Christmas, Vol. 2, 1996. Capitol Nashville released John Berry's album "Faces" 1996. The CMHF displayed a new bronze statue of Hank Williams Sr. on the 75th anniversary of the singers birth in 1998. Hank Williams III, Hank's grandson, was the model that posed for the artist. Varese released Johnny Bond's "The Home Recordings" 2002. Capitol released Suzy Bogguss's "20 Greatest Hits" 2002. Darryl Worley's third annual Tennessee River Run, was held in Pickwick Landing State Park 2004. The event raises money for local charities. John Conlee, Andy Griggs and John Conlee also appeared on the show. **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** Rascal Flatts notches another number one; Taylor Swift stays there Rascal Flatts notched another number 1 song with "Take Me There" taking over the Billboard country song chart for the week ending Sept. 22. Rascal Flatts took over from Garth Brooks' "More Than a Memory," which slumped to eighth after only one week at the top. On the album chart, Taylor Swift's self-titled debut was at the top for the eighth straight week. That will change next week thanks to the new CD from Kenny Chesney. On the song chart, Rodney Atkins stayed second with "These Are My People." Toby Keith jumped three sports to third with "Love Me If You Can." Brooks & Dunn were up one to fourth with "Proud of the House We Built," changing positions with Reba McEntire's duet with Kelly Clarkson "Because of You." Brad Paisley's "Online" was up three to sixth. Chesney's second single from his new disc, "Don't Blink" jumped 4 places to 10th. LeAnn Rimes' "Nothin' Better To Do" was the only new song in the top 25, moving up 1 to 25th. Paisley's "5th Gear" was up two to second on the album chart, while Tim McGraw's "Let It Go" remained third. Lyle Lovett And His Large Band's "It's Not Big It's Large" dropped two to fourth, while Carrie Underwood stayed fifth with "Some Hearts." Sugarland was up three to sixth with "Enjoy the Ride." No new releases debuted in the top 25. On the overall top 200 chart, Swift was 13th, Paisley 35th, McGraw 37th, Lovett 38th and Underwood 44th. At age 76, the other Nelson steps into the limelight By MATT CURRY Associated Press Writer DALLAS (AP) -- For the decades she has played in his band, Bobbie Nelson has been more than content to stay out of the spotlight that engulfs her younger brother Willie. Now - at age 76 - the talented pianist is finally releasing her first solo album. The better known of the two Texas music makers jokes that his sister will never be the same. "We're going to get her own bus and everything, fix it up with her own hairdresser, makeup and everything - just like Jessica Simpson," Willie Nelson said. It seems unlikely that fame could change friendly, plain-spoken Bobbie Nelson, who has honed her craft with brother Willie for about 70 years. It all started with gospel songs performed around the piano with the grandparents who raised them in tiny Abbott. "I don't sing. When I was very young, I used to harmonize with Willie when we would sing in church," she said. "His voice is so good, and I never had that quality of voice. He didn't need me. I could get in his way. So I just played piano for him to sing. That's what we still do." The Nelson musical legacy is a strong one. A new generation is gaining attention, including Willie's sons Micah and Lukas of the band "40 Points," which released its first album this summer. Daughters Paula and Amy also are performers. Bobbie Nelson's debut album had been long encouraged by her brother, whose long line of hits includes "On the Road Again," "Always on My Mind" and "Whiskey River." It took shape during a lunch with Randall Jamail, founder of Houston indie label Justice Records. He suggested she should write her life story. She responded that the only way she could do it was through music. "Immediately," said Jamail, "I went, 'Bing! OK, well, why don't we do that? Why don't we go back and pick songs that you feel connected to and that connect you to those time periods and tell those stories that way?'" The result, "Audiobiography," scheduled for release Sept. 25, takes listeners back to the popular boogie woogie tunes of the 1930s and '40s and also features melodious jazz pieces. Even while stepping out on her own - Bobbie Nelson, two years older than her brother, never strays far from Willie, who penned two songs to bookend the album. "I think he's the best person on the planet," she said. Both Nelsons spoke to The Associated Press by phone from Columbia, Md., where they were touring with old buddies Merle Haggard and Ray Price. "It's way, way overdue, and I'm glad she finally got around to doing it," Willie Nelson said. "She's been in the studio and put a lot down there, but never got serious about doing a CD." After their grandfather bought her a piano for $35, Bobbie Nelson was playing by the age of 6. She retains a clear image of their grandmother singing the gospel standard "The Great Speckled Bird" as she and Willie played. "We were in our little home at my piano. My grandmother stood at the right side of me and sang, and Willie sat at my left side with his guitar," she said. "She told us which chords to play, and she sang the song and Willie and I played together." Bobbie married fiddler Bud Fletcher when she was 16, and she and Willie joined his band. In the 1950s, Fletcher died in a car accident and she concentrated on raising her three young sons. For years, she worked for the Hammond Organ Co., demonstrating the instrument. "That was a good experience for me, too, because I had so much music at my fingertips," she said. "I was like a little child in a candy store." In 1972, she joined her brother's backing band and has been with him ever since. "Our whole life has been one song after another," she said, "learning to play music and his beautiful ability to write songs. I love to play his music. It's actually my favorite thing in the world to play with Willie." Bobbie Nelson's 12-song album was recorded at Pedernales Studio outside Austin. The studio was founded by Willie Nelson and is owned by Bobbie's son Freddie Fletcher, who also mixed the album. The album features songs like "Pinetop's Boogie" and "Death Ray Boogie" which revived her memories of playing piano for high school programs in Abbott, a Central Texas community of 300 with a strong Czech tradition. "The kids always loved the boogies, of course," she said. "In my later years, when working with Hammond Organ, I played a lot of standards like 'Laura' and 'Deep Purple' and 'Stardust.'" The CD begins and ends with her brother singing his "Back to Earth" and "Til Tomorrow." She acknowledges that the story of her life is not complete, because it contains no gospel songs - the music of the church with which she started. But she did earlier gospel records with her brother and was ready to do some other songs on this album. "I can't even think about life without Willie or the music," she said. McCready sentenced to year in jail Country singer violated probation By JOHN GEROME Associated Press FRANKLIN Country singer Mindy McCready was sentenced Friday to a year in jail after she violated probation on a 2004 drug charge by getting charged in a domestic dispute in Florida. The singer has been in jail in Tennessee since July, when she returned to Nashville after being accused of scratching her mother in a scuffle and resisting sheriff's deputies in her hometown of Fort Myers. McCready, who has had several legal problems in recent years, had received a three-year suspended sentence in 2004 after illegally obtaining painkillers with a false prescription. The singer sobbed as she asked for leniency from Circuit Judge Jeff Bivins. "Your honor, I can honestly tell you this: This has been the longest two months of my life not being able to hold my son has been excruciatingly painful." "I could only say I'm sorry," she said. "Please give me a chance to make things as right as they can possibly be." Bivins sentenced her to a year in the Williamson County jail with credit for 75 days of time served. After her release she will face two years of probation, plus 200 additional hours of public service. McCready had a hit in 1996 with Guys Do It All the Time, but has struggled with legal and personal problems that included a beating by her then-boyfriend and suicide attempts. She gave birth to her son in 2006. Still pending for McCready is a charge of violating her probation for driving on a suspended license in 2006. She pleaded guilty to the driving charge, but her attorney has since sought to withdraw the plea, citing new evidence. OPINION: Mindy McCready incarceration is not where she thought I wanted to comment on Mindy McCready once again, but this time to address the issue of what she has done and how it is affecting her child and herself. She knows that incarceration is not where she thought she would ever be, but the judge ruled differently, even after Mindy pleading for another chance. I said in the past that she needed to get her life straightened out, even before there was a child in her life, and now she evidently has not seen her baby for two months because she has been in jail, and now she is being sentenced to a year in jail with 75 days taken off of that sentence. I realize that she the justice system dictates that you must pay for your wrongs, but is Mindy McCready a hardened criminal that needs to be in a jail where if she doesn't get guidance, she will come out worst then when she went into jail. If you have not read about the young couple that was brutally killed several months ago around Knoxville, by 5 mentally ill people, who should be executed for their crime to society. Instead they are awaiting their trial and have been awaiting their trial because of justice system finds time to punish Mindy McCready for driving on suspended license, violating her parole and her struggle with legal and personal problems dating to 2004. Everything she has done wrong is punishable by the law of our land, but this young lady needs help, and will she get the help she needs in a jail cell. I know that I have really wrote harshly of Mindy in the past, but considering some of the hideous crimes committed in this world, she is a saint in comparison. I am not saying our system should let her off with a slap on the hands, what I am saying is that she needs guidance and what would be the wrong in giving her a suspended sentence with the understanding that if she breaks her probation again, or anything that goes against what our court rules, that she will automatically be placed in jail to serve the complete year's sentence. Something tells me that Mindy McCready has been given bad advice by her surroundings, and that her chose of male companionship leaves a lot to be desired. Mindy realizes that this is her last chance to turn her life around, and I am not sure if there is anyone in our business who will reach out to her and help her. I am not sure if she should enter the music industry again, at least for a while. She should spend all her time raising her son and making her life a positive step in the future. She is a beautiful, talented young woman, but she has some growing up to do. I have said in many articles I have written about Mindy, that I would like the opportunity to help her in any way that I could, and I know that there are others who want to see her change her life. Her son deserves to have his Mom lead him in growing up, and it certainly does not look like the father of her child is someone that can do that. Somewhere in Mindy's young life, she veered off of the good road and started traveling down a one-way street going the wrong way, and she just couldn't or wouldn't change what she probably knew was wrong. Sometimes celebrity status makes you think that you can do what you want, when you want, and to whom you want, but that is entirely false. Sooner or later it will come back and bite you, and Mindy has been bitten several times. Look at the stupidity of Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears, Nicole Ritchie, and the list goes on and on. It those that take their responsibility and make the necessary changes toward a more positive life, that beat the odds. Not sure at this point in Mindy's life if she really wants that, but lets all say a prayer for her and her son, that maybe things will change if Mindy McCready wants to change. I am not going against all of the negative articles I have written regarding her, but when I look at how our system works and lets hardcore criminals continue to run loose because of some idiot attorney who finds a loophole to keep his client out of jail and on the streets to do more harm in society, and then I see what Mindy McCready does, something just does not seem right. Marty Martel I think someone really nneds to help this gal....Jim Mount Misery Music, BMI, of Hammonton, NJ, is proud to announce the scheduled screening dates for the Documentary Film "GOOD RIDDANCE" Mount Misery Music, BMI, of Hammonton, NJ, is proud to announce the scheduled screening dates for the Documentary Film "GOOD RIDDANCE", produced by T.R. Young, at the Austin Film Festival in Austin, Texas this year. The screenings will be on Sunday, October 14th, and Thursday, October 18th. The film deals with the murders, and the murderers, of American Atheist Madylyn Murray O'Hair, "The Most Hated Woman In America", her son, and her grand daughter. The music in the film was composed by Gerry Cooper, and published and licensed for the film by Mount Misery Music, BMI. "Gerry and I are very proud to have provided the music for such an important film", said Paul Evans Pedersen, Jr., President of Mount Misery Music, BMI, from his Hammonton office. The film will be viewed during the annual festival by buyer representatives from major Hollywood film studios, as well as buyers from HBO, SHOWTIME, CINEMAX, and others. You can view more information about the film at: http://aff.bside.com/2007/?_view= _filmdetails&filmId=33437311 **** Amy's Kitchen **** BETTER TELL HER IT TASTES GREAT NEXT TIME **** TODAY'S USELESS FACT **** Why do some cities have a sheriff, while others have a chief of police? Law enforcement titles vary from state to state, but there are some general differences between police chiefs and sheriffs. Police chiefs tend to work in larger metropolitan areas and are usually appointed by the city's mayor. Sheriffs, on the other hand, are responsible for counties and often have larger, more rural areas to patrol. Many times they have a kind of default jurisdiction over unincorporated areas or small towns. Sheriffs are usually elected rather than appointed. According to an article from a criminal justice course, the American police system was lifted wholesale from the British. By 1845, most major cities in the United States had a police chief. The office of sheriff is also of British origin. Sheriffs tend to have more autonomy since they're elected, but their departments often lack jurisdiction over cities and towns. In many areas of the country, like Los Angeles for example, there are both blue and brown shirts protecting the peace. Check out the links in our Law Enforcement category for more. ****A PARTING THOUGHT **** Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four. ....HMMM HOPE SHE MEANS GALS LAST CALL Y'ALL HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR! In God I trust. All others we polygraph *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Hey, Let's be careful out there *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ PLEASE Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more. Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here. EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service. We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers' addresses to anyone for any reason. Our features are intended to be for entertainment only. Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. 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