The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM

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What is spam?

Spam is flooding the Internet with many copies of the same message, in an attempt to force the message on people who would not otherwise choose to receive it. Most spam is commercial advertising, often for dubious products, get-rich-quick schemes, or quasi-legal services. Spam costs the sender very little to send -- most of the costs are paid for by the recipient or the carriers rather than by the sender.

There are two main types of spam, and they have different effects on Internet users. Cancellable Usenet spam is a single message sent to 20 or more Usenet newsgroups. (Through long experience, Usenet users have found that any message posted to so many newsgroups is often not relevant to most or all of them.) Usenet spam is aimed at "lurkers", people who read newsgroups but rarely or never post and give their address away. Usenet spam robs users of the utility of the newsgroups by overwhelming them with a barrage of advertising or other irrelevant posts. Furthermore, Usenet spam subverts the ability of system administrators and owners to manage the topics they accept on their systems.

Email spam targets individual users with direct mail messages. Email spam lists are often created by scanning Usenet postings, stealing Internet mailing lists, or searching the Web for addresses. Email spams typically cost users money out-of-pocket to receive. Many people - anyone with measured phone service - read or receive their mail while the meter is running, so to speak. Spam costs them additional money. On top of that, it costs money for ISPs and online services to transmit spam, and these costs are transmitted directly to subscribers.

One particularly nasty variant of email spam is sending spam to mailing lists (public or private email discussion forums.) Because many mailing lists limit activity to their subscribers, spammers will use automated tools to subscribe to as many mailing lists as possible, so that they can grab the lists of addresses, or use the mailing list as a direct target for their attacks.

(For more information about the origin of the term "spam", and the formal definitions of Usenet spam, see J.D.Falk's excellent Net Abuse FAQ)

Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

THURSDAY  SEPTEMBER 27,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Hi Jim
Thank you for all your funnies mailings.  What has happened over the last 3
or so mailings, why the change and problems?  I always enjoy reading the
daily funnies and cannot see how they can be considered as Spam!
Regards
Gillian

-----Original Message-----
From: JIM4615 [mailto:jim4615@joink.com]
Sent: 17 April 2007 04:09
To: Gillian
Subject: Re: funnies

Hey  Gillian,
   You're more than welcome. I wish I could get more notes like this,they
make my day!Thanks again and don't be a stranger.........Jim


----- Original Message -----
From: "Gillian" XXXXXXXXXX
To: <JIM4615@JOINK.COM>
Sent: Monday, April 16, 2007 5:37 AM
Subject: funnies 

Hello There, 
Just a note to say how much I enjoy the Daily funnies.  I am English but I 
now live in Spain instead of the UK (it's warmer!). Many thanks 
Gillian 
###################################
This is another rerun,sorry folks
   SATURDAY APRIL 2, 2005

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
"If you think dog's can't count, try putting three dog biscuits
in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them."


City Boy: Say, Dad, how many kinds of milk are there?
Father: Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted
milk, and -- but why do you wish to know?

City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to
know how many *spigots* to put on her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every day (and night) I get tons of phone calls from telemarketers trying to sell me something. I hate these calls, but I always try to be polite when I say No Thank You. One night, I had a very persistent telemarketer, and no matter how many times and ways I said No thank you, not interested, he would not let up. I finally said, "Listen, I am not financially in a position to buy anything right now. I am broke and on the verge of bankruptcy."

Without missing a beat, the telemarketer said to me,
"I understand what you mean.
Why do you think I have this job right now?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 Reasons I Love Horses"

10.Wanted to be Roy Rogers.

9. Get to wear cowboy boots.

8. Don't shed in the house.

7. Free fertilizer for the garden.

6. Get to sit up high.

5. Cool hats.

4. Park anywhere.

3. Brag about saddle sores.

2. A suger cube and a carrot make them happy.

1. Don't have to change the oil.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."

"Oh," replied the waitress," I thought you wanted more coffee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to
meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector asked, "What would you do if you realized that two trains
were heading for each other on the same track?"

Billy Bob replied, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."

"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.

"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Billy Bob, "and I'd use
the manual lever over there."

"What if that had been struck by lightning?"

"Then," Billy Bob continued, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone
the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"Well in that case," persevered Billy Bob, "I'd rush down out of the box
and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."

"What if that was vandalized?"

"Oh, well then I'd run into town and go get my Uncle Lester."

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"

Billy Bob answered, "Well, Uncle Lester ain't never seen a train wreck!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After his attorney's motion to suppress evidence was denied by the court
John spoke up,

"Your Honor," he said, "What would you do if I called you a stupid,
degenerate, old fool!"

The Judge really angered, revered,

"I would hold you in contempt of Court and see to have you put in jail
for the longest time allowed by law!"

Quickly thinking, John's shocked attorney, asked,

"What if he only 'thought' it, Your Honor?"

"In that case, there is nothing I could do, he has the right to think
whatever he wishes." replied the Judge.

"Oh I see," said john, "then, if it pleases the court, let the record
reflect that I 'think' you're a stupid, degenerate, old fool!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daffynitions Not Found in Webster's. . . .

Secret: what we tell everyone not to tell anyone.

Hospital: where you might wind up if you get run down.

Nudist: a person who is never clothes-minded.

Twins: womb-mates.

Tension: what the sergeant shouts to the troops.

Bargain Basement: a place where what you seize is what you get.

Zinc: what you do if you can't zwim.

Paralyze: a couple of fibs.

Bacteria: rear entrance to a cafeteria.

Seamstress: a real material girl.

Diploma: the person you call when your toilet backs up.

Operetta: an employee of the phone company.

Calculator: a product you can count on.

Microwave: a head full of tiny curls.

Jail cell: a bar room.

Golf cart: a vehicle with a fore cylinder engine.

Minister: a man who is the soul support of his family.

Cashew: the noise a nut makes when it sneezes.

Stupendous: advanced stupidity.

Hurricane: what Abel said to his brother when he was late for school..

 

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**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a

personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.

What world city attracts the most tourists?

Paris, France, is the world's most popular tourist destination. Over 80 million
foreigners visited France in 2004 and over 16 million of those foreigners visited Paris.

Paris and its surrounding suburbs, known as the Ile-de-France, boast a population
of roughly 10.5 million people. Just over two million of those live in Paris proper.
The three most popular tourist attractions are Disneyland Paris (12 million visitors
last year), the Eiffel Tower (5.5 million), and the Louvre (5 million).

The top five travel destinations (in order) are France, Spain, the United States, Italy,
and China. For American visitors, the top five destinations are Mexico, Canada, the
United Kingdom, France, and Germany.

Finally, the World Tourism Organization presents some cautiously optimistic statistics
for the first time in history, the number of travelers last year exceeded 750 million people.
While Europe remains in first place, Asia claimed the number two spot over the Americas.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
There will be no new funnies until this problem
with zinester is resolved.I can't just leave you
folks hangin in the middle for something that's not your fault.
Don't worry I have about 5-6years worth in the archives .

LAST CALL Y'ALL
ya never know

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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