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The Funnies are strictly an
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SO TELL ME WHERE IS THE SPAM
One can of "SPAM". http://256.com/spam/spam_can_t.jpg
Unopened. Goofproof/
From Carlisle ,Indiana "Friends are God's way of taking care of us." These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything. Welcome New Subscribers don't have any sense at all Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them Remember,it is easier to get older than it is to get wiser God, grant me the Senility to forget the people This maybe a renew or one of the last of
the new ones THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 20,2007 THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Some people complain because there are thorns on roses,while others praise thorns for having roses among them. A police officer in a small town stopped a &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& **** Reader's Submissions **** I love your site.How could any one think it was spam.You do a great job,just don't change.It's great just like it is.Keep up the good work.We're all behind you. ~ Thanks for your email. If and when you do shift to Topica, could you please send me the details?
Carl THANKS, for your joke site. It helps me to keep my sanity. At least my Psychiatrist says it works. A lvin?YEAH,AND A WHOLE LOT CHEAPER.....JIM~ Dear Jim, I have written to Zinester Publishing strongly protesting their decision to classify the Daily Funnies as spam. I sent you a copy. I hope you received it.
Carl Sorry Jim. If I did I would send it to you immediately. Good luck with the 'Russians at Zinester'
Carl
Sorry to hear about all your problems. I've missed you. Don't know if this would be an answer or not but for our business we purchase a domain name from Godaddy.com think it was around 10 a year they have all kinds of different options - so you have to be careful or you will end up with a .net .com .org. We were warned to double check the final total just before checkout to make sure we had what we wanted and no more. The other option would be just do a mass newsletter like I do, I got a mass mailer (or white mailer) from AOL free. Which allows you to send to a large group. Hope it help, Marsha (da mouse)~ I received this, also received the actual email right after. Not sure why this is being rejected, must be AOL acting up again. TheFunnies are being sent,Ieven got one through on a
Saturday If ya want to keep the funnies ,let me and Zinester know how you feel otherwise ............Jim ~ Thanks, Barbara. I am glad you agree with me. Jim needs all the support we can give him.
Carl ----- Original Message ----- From: Barbara Gambill To: Carl Saunders Sent: Wednesday, September 26, 2007 9:48 AM Subject: Re: The Daily Funnies
**** TODAYS LINKS **** American Indian Place Names Welcome to TV Links, from the latest to some long forgotten TV shows, classics, films, documentaries and much more. Its all Free of charge! http://tv-links.co.uk/USA Quiz Time's 50 Best 2007 http://www.time. com/time/ specials/ 2007/article/ 0,28804,1633488_ 1633594_1633598, 00.html A collection of the best NFL fan sites http://www.f2fa.com/History of Home Video Games http://www.videogames.org/html/Game Couronne Deluxe Put your yellow ring on the base line and press mouse button http://www.ezines4all.com/games/couronnedeluxe/index.htmA TOUCHING STORY TO ME! GOD ALWAYS ANSWERS OUR PRAYERS, SOMETIMES IN STRANGE OR FANTASTIC WAYS! GOD IS ALWAYS THERE, HE NEVER LEAVES US! THE OLD MAN AND HIS DOG *"Watch out! You nearly broad-sided that car!" My father yelled at me. "Can't you do anything right?" Those words hurt worse than blows. I turned my head toward the elderly man in the seat beside me, daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle. "I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving." My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt. Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back. At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain. The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What could I do about him? Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon. He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often. The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his prowess. The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw himoutside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him a bout his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he had done as a younger man. Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing. At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he survived. But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone. He obstinately refused to follow doctors orders. Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of visitors thinned, then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left alone. My husband, Rick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust. Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation. It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Rick. We began to bicker and argue. Alarmed, Rick sought out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind. But the months wore on and God was silent A raindrop struck my cheek. I looked up into the gray sky. Somewhere up there was "God." Although I believe a Supreme Being had created the universe, I had difficulty believing that God cared about the tiny human beings on this earth. I was tired of waiting for a God who did not answer. Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it. The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I explained my problem in vain to each of the sympathetic voices that answered. Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, "I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article." I listened as she read. The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog. I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs - all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons, too big, too small, too much hair. As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down. It was a pointer, one of the dog world's aristocrats. But this was a; caricature of the breed. Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray. His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly. I pointed to the dog. "Can you tell me about him?" The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement. "He's a funny one, appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we've heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow." He gestured helplessly. As the words sank in I turned to the man in horror. "You mean you're going to kill him?""Ma'am, " he said gently, "that's our policy. We don't have room for every unclaimed dog." I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes awaited my decision. "I'll take him," I said. I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. When I reached the house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch. "Ta-da! Look what I got for you, Dad!" I said excitedly. Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust. "If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don't want it." Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house. Anger rose inside me. It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples. "You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!" Dad ignored me. "Did you hear me, Dad?" I screamed. At those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate. We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp. He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw. Dad's lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal. It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad named the pointer Cheyenne. Together he and Cheyenne explored the community. They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes.They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout. They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet. Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years. Dad's bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends. Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne's cold nose burrowing through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at night. I woke Rick, put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad lay in his bed, his face serene; but his spirit had left quietly sometime during the night. Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed. I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on. As Rick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad's peace of mind. The morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor began his eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life. And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers... " "I've often thanked God for sending that angel," he said. For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article of Cheyenne's unexpected appearance at the animal shelter, His calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father and the proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood. I knew that God had answered my prayers after all. **** HEADS UP FOLKS **** These Are My Causes Please Help This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent. I use it myself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a personal trainer, user forums and event calendar. http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a link for FREE virus protection http://avast.com It is excellent ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ jokes or stories U Send'em and I'll print'em Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this jim4615@joink.com subject Line--- The Funnies ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS **** IRL schedules 16 races for 2008 IndyCar season INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Except for one race, the IRL's IndyCar
schedule next season will be identical to this year.
The remaining 16-race schedule starts at Homestead-Miami Speedway on March 29, the first of five night races slated for prime-time television coverage, the IRL said Tuesday. The others are at Texas Motor Speedway on June 7, Richmond International Raceway on June 28, Nashville Superspeedway on July 12 and Kentucky Speedway on Aug. 9. All 16 races will be televised nationally by ESPN, ESPN2 or ABC. FIND MORE STORIES IN: Indianapolis | Speedway | IRL | Indy Car
Racing | Texas Motor Speedway | Homestead-Miami Speedway | Kansas Speedway |
Chicagoland Speedway | Kentucky Speedway | Nashville Superspeedway | IRL Indycar
Series | International Speedway Three races, at Watkins Glen, N.Y., on July 6, Mid-Ohio on July 20 and Infineon Raceway in Sonoma, Calif., on Aug. 24, will be on permanent road courses. Two others, at St. Petersburg, Fla., on April 6 and Belle Isle Park in Detroit on Aug. 31, will be on temporary street courses. This year's Indy 500 and IndyCar Series champion Dario Franchitti is expected to leave for NASCAR's Nextel Cup Series next season and former Indy champion Sam Hornish Jr. is considering a similar move. The opener at Homestead, Fla., will mark the seventh straight year the IRL has begun the season there. The Sept. 7 race at Chicagoland Speedway will be the season finale for the third year in a row. The schedule also includes races at Twin Ring Motegi in Japan on April 19, Kansas Speedway on April 27, Milwaukee Mile on June 1 and Iowa Speedway on June 22. Terry Angstadt, president of the IRL's commercial division, said other tracks would be considered "beyond 2008 ... as opportunities permit, and we will keep a healthy balance of oval, road and street circuits as part of our schedule." **** COUNTRY CALENDAR **** -20- Bob Miller, songwriter/record company executive, born Memphis, TN 1895. Pearl Butler, "Pearl Dee Jones," of "Carl & Pearl Butler," born Nashville, TN 1927. Al Dexter's "Wine, Women and Song" topped the charts 1946. Charles Sawtelle, "Hot Rize," born Austin, TX 1946. Garth Fundis, record label chief, born Lawrence, KS 1949. Hank Williams returned to Shreveport, and the Louisiana Hayride 1952. Hank Snow's "I Don't Hurt Anymore" was #1 in 1954. Tennessee Ernie Ford recorded "Sixteen Tons," 1955. Karl Marx Farr, age 52, "Sons of the Pioneers," died 1961. Marty Robbins' "Devil Woman" topped the charts 1962. Bobby Braddock married Sue Rhodes 1964. RCA released Elvis' last #1 hit "Suspicious Minds" 1969. "For The Good Times" became another #1 for Ray Price 1970. Jim Croce killed in a plane crash while on tour in Louisiana, 1973. Waylon Jennings' "I've Always Been Crazy" went to #1 in 1978. Steve Goodman, songwriter, died from leukemia 1984. Dolly Parton signed with Revlon to develop a line of cosmetics 1993. Skeeter Davis, age 72, member Grand Ole Opry, died in a Nashville hospital as a result of breast cancer 2004. **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** Sara Evans scores number one video for "As If" Wednesday, September 19, 2007 – Sara Evans has the number 1 country video at iTunes for her Top 20 single "As If" this week. "As If" is the first single from her upcoming "Greatest Hits" album and was co-written by Evans, Hillary Lindsey and John Shanks. The disc celebrates Evans' 10-year career and will be released on Oct. 9. The album features four new songs, "As If," "Love You with All My Heart," "Pray for You" and "Some Things Never Change," all co-penned by Evans. Also featured on the album are hits from her career that has spawned three top five singles and four number one songs, including "No Place That Far," "Born to Fly," "Suds in the Bucket," "A Real Fine Place to Start" and "I Could Not Ask for More," Cops canned over Chesney concert hats DETROIT (AP) -- Two Wayne police officers may spend a year in jail for trying to look like country star Kenny Chesney. Officers Gregg Richard Anderson and Frank Cazazos, both 38, were fired from the department after they were charged with stealing 21 beige straw cowboy hats from a vendor outside a Chesney concert last month at Ford Field. Both were charged Tuesday with larceny over $200 and under $1,000, a misdemeanor punishable by up to a year in jail. They were to be arraigned Tuesday at 36th District Court. A vendor was selling hats on Aug. 8 before the Chesney concert when the off-duty officers approached him, Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy said. Anderson and Cazazos asked him if he had a license to sell the hats, Worthy said. When the vendor said no, the officers allegedly grabbed the hats and left. They told the vendor he could pick the hats up at a Detroit police precinct. People later saw the officers sporting some of the cowboy hats. Detroit police confiscated the 21 hats worth $316. **** Amy's Kitchen **** Fresh Fruit with Orange-Honey Yogurt Sauce Dessert Du
Jour **** TODAY'S USELESS FACT **** The average scuba enthusiast has little to worry about, but commercial divers who make frequent descents of more than 100 feet have been known to suffer from a crippling affliction known as "dysbaric osteonecrosis" —or, more ominously, "bone death". It's a degenerative condition that can make bones dangerously brittle and cause excruciating pain in the joints. Veteran scallop and urchin divers or frogman mechanics who service oil rigs seem to be particularly susceptible to osteonecrosis over the long haul. Though the science behind the malady isn't yet fully understood, here's what we do know: Under pressure, nitrogen is squeezed out of the bloodstream into the surrounding tissues. When a diver rises slowly, the nitrogen is reabsorbed gradually into the blood. Should he ascend too quickly, however, gas bubbles will linger in the tissues, blocking the flow of blood to the bones and resulting in a painful, perhaps fatal, case of the bends. But that's just the short term. Osteonecrosis occurs after lengthy exposure to great depths, when areas of the bone—especially around the knees, shoulders, and hips—start to weaken from lack of blood. Little lesions and spiny spurs begin to form on the bones, and if not allowed to mend, bone tissues start to die off. Unless the person stops diving altogether, the bone will become prone to chipping or breaking or, in the most extreme cases, will degenerate into severe arthritis, with joint-replacement often being the only viable treatment. Such is the fate of 20 percent of Maine's commercial scallop divers, a sad and hobbled class of retirees who make Joe Namath look spry. ****A PARTING THOUGHT **** It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week! LAST CALL Y'ALL
HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR! In God I trust. All others we polygraph *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Hey, Let's be careful out there *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ PLEASE Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more. Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here. EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service. We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers' addresses to anyone for any reason. Our features are intended to be for entertainment only. Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer.~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. Just click on this link Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection ~ Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.com Unsubscription URL: http://www.zinester.com/mpb/unsub.cgi?25438
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