Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

WEDNESDAY  OCTOBER 3,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Experience is what causes people to make
new mistakes instead of old ones.

Peace Activist Etiquette
A LITTLE DATED, SAME MESSAGE

With all of this talk of impending war, many of us will encounter "Peace
Activists" who will try and convince us that we must refrain from
retaliating against the ones who terrorized us all on September 11, 2001,
and those who support terror.

These activists may be alone or in a gathering.....most of us don't know how
to react to them. When you come upon one of these people, or one of their
rallies, here are the proper rules of etiquette:

1. Listen politely while this person explains their views. Strike up a
conversation if necessary and look very interested in their ideas. They will
tell you how revenge is immoral, and that by attacking the people who did
this to us, we will only bring on more violence. They will probably use many
arguments, ranging from political to religious to humanitarian.

2. In the middle of their remarks, without any warning, punch them in the
nose.

3. When the person gets up off of the ground, they will be very angry and
they may try to hit you, so be careful.

4. Very quickly and calmly remind the person that violence only brings about
more violence and remind them of their stand on this matter. Tell them if
they are really committed to a nonviolent approach to undeserved attacks,
they will turn the other cheek and negotiate a solution. Tell them they must
lead by example if they really believe what they are saying.

5. Most of them will think for a moment and then agree that you are correct.

6. As soon as they do that, hit them again. Only this time hit them much
harder. Square in the nose.

7. Repeat steps 2-5 until the desired results are obtained and the idiot
realizes how stupid of an argument he/she is making.

8. There is no difference in an individual attacking an unsuspecting victim
or a group of terrorists attacking a nation of people. It is unacceptable
and must be dealt with. Perhaps at a high cost.

We owe our military a huge debt for what they are about to do for us and our
children. We must support them and our leaders at times like these. We have
no choice. We either strike back, VERY HARD, or we will keep getting hit in
the nose.
Lesson over, class dismissed
~~~~~~~~~~~
A TRUE STORY ABOUT ANSWERED PRAYER
Several weeks ago, through the website of The Presidential Prayer Team, I "adopted" a member of the Armed Forces to pray for daily during this time of war. I have prayed daily (early and often!) for "my" adopted Marine.
Last night I returned home from work and turned on my television set for war updates. In progress was a battlefield interview from Iraq conducted by embedded correspondent Kerry Sanders. Kerry was speaking with a wounded young Marine who, surrounded by medics, lay on a stretcher on the ground "somewhere in the Iraqi desert."
Fortunately, the brave young man appeared to be in fair condition despite a wound in the arm/hand. To my astonishment, I heard Kerry refer to the wounded Marine as "Josh," which just happens to be the name of my "adopted" Marine.
"It can't be," I said to myself, "it just can't be!" After all, there must be hundreds of Marines named "Josh." But, incredibly, the young Marine IS "my Marine!" As the interview proceeded Kerry mentioned the Marine's last name, and YES, the young Marine IS indeed the Marine I pledged to pray for daily (and did, particularly at about the time he was under fire).
I am overjoyed that "my Marine" has come through a fierce encounter near Nasiriyah alive, and though wounded, will recover. I'd like to think that my prayers may have helped Josh as he fought in the desert of Iraq a day or so ago.

Patricia, Las Vegas, Nevada
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Helpful Hint #1
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~
Helpful Hint #2
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Helpful Hint #3
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes
the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Helpful Hint #4
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you
will be afraid to cough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OVERCOMING FEAR OF FAILURE
You've failed many times, although you may not remember.

You fell down the first time you tried to walk. You almost
drowned the first time you tried to swim, didn't you?

Did you hit the ball the first time you swung a bat? Heavy
hitters, the ones who hit the most home runs, also strike out a
lot.

* R.H. Macy failed seven times, before his store in New York
caught on.

* English novelist John Creasey got 753 rejection slips, before
he published 564 books.

* Babe Ruth struck out 1330 times but he also hit 714 home runs.

Don't worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when
you don't even try.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Josh was helping Bambi, the young and very buxom blond, clean out the
trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair
Kit." Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite
inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Bambi what it was for.
Bambi said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Confused. Josh
asked, "I can see that, but why?" Bambi answered, "In case I have a flat
and need to blow up one of my tires."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
QUICKIES
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the
question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next
question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the
previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never
got caught."
~~~~~~~~
Just a Thought. What If Saddam Hussein survived the bombing last week,
but lost a leg, How upset do you think his doubles will be?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cop saw a blonde down on her knees under a streetlight.
"Can I help you?" he asked. Replied the blonde, "I dropped
my diamond ring and I'm looking for it."
Asked the cop "did you drop it right here?"
"No," she responded, "I dropped it about a block away, but
the light's better here."
~~~~~~~~~
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the
tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and
hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor
animals free!
~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday my son came home and said, "I have good news and bad news. The
good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test." I said, "Great!
Now what's the bad news?" He said, "They were pedestrians."
~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk,
looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?" he asks. "Oh, its my
wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither, He's
bald."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man
of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I
wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the seventh of eight children, my son Isaac is used to hand-me-downs.
He was very excited on his eighth birthday, therefore, when we took him
to a store to choose a watch. A clerk demonstrated the features to him:
"This is the hour hand, this is the minute hand, and this is the second
hand." With that, Isaac's face fell. "Secondhand? I thought we were
buying a new one!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE STORY OF MY LIFE
RERUN BY REQUEST
My wife just left, and the well went dry.
My horse is sick and about to die.
Then my still blew up and the barn burned down,
and the road washed out on the way to town.
Then my dog got rabies and bit the cat,
and they both died soon after that.
Now I lost my specs, and my pipe-stem broke,
so I can't even sit and read and smoke.
A tree fell on the chicken shed,
and most of the hens got smashed plumb dead.
Then a chimney fire took half of a wall,
and this old shack is about to fall.
Then I caught my heel on an old dead vine,
and sat smack dab on a porcupine.
Then a beaver dam broke and my bridge washed out,
and my watch stopped working and I've got the gout.
And the bank foreclosed, so I've lost my place,
and my cow disappeared without a trace.
They cut off my credit at the grocery store,
and I lost my job and a whole lot more.
I must have been hexed by a triple curse,
as things keep going from bad to worse.
And now fate has hit me a last dirty crack,
to top off the worst - my wife's coming back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at
the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our
cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I
was able to locate my vehicle easily.
Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me
find my car."
"Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guns Vs Women
Ten reasons why a handgun is better than a woman....
10. You can trade an old .44 for two new .22's.
9. You can have a handgun at home and another for the road.
8. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so,
he will be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it.
7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you are out of ammo.
5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.
3. A handgun won't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
2. A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you're done using it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:
1. You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
~~~~~~~~~
I DREAD OLD AGE...
I always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine anything worse than being old. How awful it must be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at the walls or watch TV.
So last week, when the Mayor suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by cheering up a senior citizen, I decided to do just that. I would call on my new neighbor, an elderly retired gentleman, recently widowed, and whom, I presumed, had moved in with his married daughter because he was too old to take care of himself.
I baked a batch of brownies and, without bothering to call (some old people cannot hear the phone), I went off to brighten this old guy's day.
When I rang the doorbell this "old guy" came to the door dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt, looking about as ancient and decrepit as Donny Osmond. "I'm sorry I can't invite you in," he said when I introduced myself, "but I'm due at the Racquet Club at two. I'm playing in the semifinals today." "Oh that's all right," I said. "I baked you some brownies . . . " "Great!" he interrupted, snatching the box. "Just what I need for bridge club tomorrow! Thanks so much!" I continued, " . . . and just thought we'd visit a while. But that's okay! I'll just trot across the street and call on Granny Grady." "Don't bother," he said. "Gran's not home -- I know. I just called to remind her of our date to go dancing tonight. She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned at breakfast (at which house?!) that she had an appointment for a Tint job."
So I went home and called my Mother's cousin (age 83). She was in the hospital ...... working in the gift shop. I called my aunt (age 74). She was on vacation in China. I called my husband's uncle (age 79). I forgot, he was on his honeymoon.
I still dread old age, now more than ever. I JUST DON'T THINK I'M UP TO IT !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Read the fine print on French's mustard,
and you'll see that it says,
      "I'm not really French, even though I'm yellow."
~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a
list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we
still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used
carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you
on such a challenging hunt?" "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One morning a local highway department crew reaches their
job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels.
The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor
the situation.
The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send
some shovels... just lean on each other until they arrive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk that a Pony
Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee to St. Louis in two
days, and now it takes three. "I'd like to know why," she scoffed. The
clerk thought a moment and then suggested, "The horses are a lot older
now?"
~~~~~~~~
My son Earl is a construction foreman. One day he tumbled from a
scaffold, managing to break his fall by grabbing on to parts of the
scaffold on the way down. He received only minor scratches. Embarrassed
by the fall, he climbed back up to continue working. Then he noticed his
co-workers holding up hastily made signs reading, 9.6, 9.8, and 9.4.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sign over a display of pine boards at HOME DEPOT:
"Knotty, but Nice!"
~~~~~~~~~~
The price of gas in Texas has gone so high that women who
want to run over their husbands have started carpooling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose
answers I accept." --George Carlin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our local fire department got a call that a flock of geese had become
stuck in a frozen lake. A rescue team crawled out onto the ice, pushing
a boat and ice-breaking tools. They got within three yards --and the
flock flew off! The men were left staring at open water. Someone at the
station asked, "How did it go?" The reply was, "Wild goose chase."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign posted in the Army recruiting office: "Marry a veteran, Girls. He
can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the Australian army goes on exercise, there are times when
due to ecological reason, we are not allowed to dig latrines, but
must use purpose built covered trenches. Now this is great, but
once a day, someone is detailed to drop some petrol in and burn
off the effluent and kill the flies.
This day it was my turn and when detailed with full instructions
on how to drop 5 liters of petrol down the pit and apply a match,
I felt up to the task.
One trench, with 8 toilets on top, 5 liters multiplied by 8 equals
two Jerry Cans of petrol 40 liters or 10 gallons. Look in and
apply match...result an explosion, which blew the toilets off the
trench, emptied the contents of over an area o 200 square meters
and blew down the building on top of me.
Only hurt myself...well the 200 boys having breakfast about 50
meters away, weren't hurt as such, and the kitchen did have a tent
covering it, but I leave it up to your imagination.
I spent a week in hospital, mainly with superficial burns,
including no hair and the fact that the roof went straight up and
came straight down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher: "How'd you get stung?"
Student: "By smelling a flowber."
Teacher: "There's no b in flower."
Student: "There was in this one."
~~~~~~~~~~
For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator
at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told
me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president.
A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me
the VP had refused to approve the salary hike. His reason? I
clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time he saw me, I was either
chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the telephone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medical research has now confirmed that marijuana use has
definite medicinal properties for treatment of glaucoma and other
illnesses. The IRS has now ruled that expenses of medicinal
marijuana can be deducted as a medical expense, but only if you
file a joint return.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twisted Family Ties...
Families are complicated enough, but things became even more
confusing after my father decided to get married to my brother's
mother-in-law.
"Now I can't make up my mind whether he's my dad or my father-in-
law," says my brother, "or if my mother-in-law is now my step-
mother, or whether my child is my daughter or my neice."
~~~~~~~~~~
My dad was golfing with a friend and went to the restroom. When
he came out he sighed audibly and another golfer said to
him, "Feel better?"
"Yeah," said dad, "It's the only place on the whole course where
nobody tells me to improve my stance or change my grip!"
~
At the doctor's office, the attractive, buxom Nurse was taking a
patient's blood pressure. She caused him some concern by rechecking it
twice, then said, "Hmmmm. That's odd -- it's normal."
He replied he had taken his high blood pressure medicine less than an
hour ago.
She said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was losing it. Normally when I
take the men's BP readings they're always on the high side."

 

 

**** Reader's Submissions ****

 

 

 

**** TODAYS LINKS ****

Just a word to the wise. E-mail petitions are NOT acceptable to Congress
or any other municipality. To be acceptable, petitions must ! have a
signed signature and full address. Same with "prayer chains" -- be wary.

http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/internet.asp

 

 Move your mouse arrow around and watch the cat head & eyes,

 follow it... Put arrow in middle of head and see what happens...

 Put arrow on the cats tummy and see what happens... Scroll arrow

back & forth, below cats paws and see what happens....
http://www.geocities.com/susie_cb/maukie2.wav.swf

 

Time Travel from Nova PBS

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/time/

 

100 ways to kill time at work

http://www.wtr.ru/aphorism/eng/kiltime1.htm

 

Game Alien Clones

Shoot all the Alien Clones and save the planet from destruction!!

http://www.gamescraze.com/games/?g=alienclones.swf

 

**** ON THIS DAY ****

A Purpose
We all have some kind of purpose on this earth,
It's not to hurt people or tell them their worth.
Everyone was put here with an equal chance,
Take a look around you, take a good long glance.
Some were meant to heal, and some to teach,
Some are used to build, and some to reach.
You may not know your purpose just yet,
God will tell you, when he knows you are set.
Don't rush your fate, it has already been planned.
And God will always be there to lend a helping hand.
You will go through times that are really rough,
But you will always have someone, when the going gets tough.
Don't judge others, for when you do,
There is always someone else, judging you.
Think about things before they are said,
Say your prayers before going off to bed.
Take time just to sit, and observe all things,
A flower and it's petals, or a bird and it's wings.
For when you just look at what is around,
A new aspect on life could be what you have found.
Live for today, live one day at a time.
Live for yourself, and for God, that's no crime.
For when you do all these things to make your life great,
You will find your own way to the pearly white gate.
~ Author Unknown

Why is rice thrown at weddings?
Since early Roman times some grain—usually wheat— has been
associated with the wedding ceremony. Wheat, a symbol of
fertility, was carried in the bride's hand or worn by her in the
form of a garland. As the bride left the church, grains of wheat
were tossed at her, and young girls rushed to pick up the grains
that had actually touched the bride. These were assumed to have
the power to ensure the young girl a wedding of her own in the
near future.
During the reign of Queen Elizabeth I, wheat was no longer tossed
at brides but was instead baked into small cakes that were then
crumbled and tossed over the bride's head. Later the small cakes
were replaced by one large one, which was cooked and eaten.
This change in ceremony left the wedding guests feeling deprived,
since they had nothing to toss at the bride. Since at that time
rice was cheap, clean, and white, it seemed a good substitute for
the more expensive wheat cakes.

~source used: "Ever Wonder Why?"

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

-3-

Fiddlin' Cowan Powers, fiddle champion/recording artist, born Russell County, VA 1877.

Joe Allison, born McKinney, TX 1924. Elected NSHF 1978.

Eddie Cochran, Rockabilly pioneer, born Oklahoma City, OK 1938. Eddie grew up in Albert Lea, MN.

George Jones released "The Window Up Above" 1960.

Woody Guthery, age 55, died in Queens, NY 1967.

Dean Upson of "The Vagabonds" died 1975.

MCA released Jimmy Buffett's "You Had To Be There" 1978.

Marty Haggard, recording artist, son of Merle Haggard, was critically injured in a head-on automobile crash while driving to a performance in Arkansas 1988. Marty was thrown through the windshield, and it was four years before he could perform again.

Dennis McGee, age 96, Cajun fiddler/recording artist, died 1989.

Del Wood, age 69, died in Nashville, TN 1989. Member Grand Ole Opry.

Liberty Records released Garth Brooks' "The Chase" 1992.

Liberty Records released Suzy Bogguss's "Simpatico" 1994.

MCA released Mark Chesnutt's album "Wings" 1995.

Tim McGraw's "Where The Green Grass Grows" topped the charts 1998.

Asylum Records released Chad Austin's album "Chad Austin" in 2000.

John Berry's "My Heart Is Bethlehem" album was released in 2000.

Keith Urban received the Australian Recording Industry's Achievement Award 2001.

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Is it really illegal to kill a praying
mantis?

In most states you may kill a praying mantis as freely as you
would any other insect, if you feel so inclined. The myth of the
praying mantis being protected by law is a common one. Many of us
were taught this at a very early age by well-intentioned people.
Squash one mantis and the bug police would come knocking at your
door with a fine ranging from fifty to five hundred dollars.

The early Greeks believed the praying mantis had supernatural
powers and ancient seers "consulted" them. In fact, the
word "mantis" comes from the Greek word for "prophet."

Our modern praying mantis myth probably came about because the
mantis is such a beneficial insect to mankind. Mantises eat many
harmful insects. If you are a gardener or a farmer you may want
to go out of your way to protect this fiendish-looking bug. If
not, a few less mantises in the world won't throw the ecosystem
out of balance (anyway, the "destructive" insects have to make a
living too!). Mantises, after all, are not the kindest of
insects, eating almost anything that moves. Some of the larger
tropical species will eat small birds, lizards, and frogs. They
are voracious eaters who are never satisfied. The female mantis
will even eat the male during mating! If you were only a half-
inch tall, the mantis would not hesitate to devour you also!





****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Will you loan me $20.00 and only give me ten of it? That way, you will
owe me ten, and I'll owe you ten, and we'll be even!

LAST CALL Y'ALL


HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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