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Subject: The Daily Funnies - October04, 2007



 
 

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From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.

Welcome to T
he Funnies
est.7-4-2000

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG
An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair almost anything.


Welcome New Subscribers
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably
don't have any sense at all

Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help Them

Remember,it is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.



THURSDAY  OCTOBER 4,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: A miracle drug is one that has
the same price as last year. None of mine are miracles, the
only miracle is I can still eat after a trip to the pharmacy.



Price of Gas

You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive?

Makes one think, and puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ..........$10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19.........$ 9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 .................$10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ..........$10 .00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ............ $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ............$178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ...........$123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ...........$25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .....................$84.48 per gallon

and this is the REAL KICKER......
Evian water 9 oz for $1.49 ........ $21.19 per gallon
$21.19 FOR WATER! ....and the buyers don't even know
the source..,,,Isn"t that French?

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car
doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or Heaven forbid,
PEPTO BISMOL or NYQUIL!!!!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next
trip to the pump.
~~~ ~~~
A Chap walks up to another chap in a pointed hat and says:
Chap: You're Merlin aren't you?
Merlin: Why yes... it's nice to be recognized!
Chap: Bit of a Wizard... I hear?
Merlin: Well Yes... I've been told I'm skilled.
Chap: Do tricks and things... don't ya... Magical stuff?
Merlin: Magical... yes that's correct.
Chap: Turn Kings into Frogs... and that sort of thing... Is that right?
Merlin: Well Yes... I suppose I could Turn a King into a Frog!
Chap: Ever Mucked up... Ya know, made a mistake?
Merlin: Well Yes... hasn't everyone?
Chap: Can you reverse a curse?
Merlin: Yes I can... with knowledge of who applied the Curse and the
actual words of enchantment, I could do it... Why?
Chap: I'm Cursed
Merlin: Really... and how long have you been bewitched?
Chap: Years.....
Merlin: Do you know the words spoken over you to lay this curse?
Chap: Yeah .. can't forget them!
Merlin: What were they?
Chap: something like... Do you take this women to be your lawfully
wedded wife?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Already There
In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a
bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but
sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid I could
deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of
walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute
cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat
anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them
too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He
EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...gonna be a bear.
~~~~ Ms Lilly ~~~~
Traveling through New England a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny
village. "What type of town is this?" he asked the station attendant.
"All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live
in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's
merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short
spell."
~~~~~
"Doc, I just wanted to let you know that there is an invisible man in
your waiting room" "Tell him I can't see him!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Your honor," a defense attorney began, "I have a series of witnesses
that can testify that Mr. Johnson was nowhere near the scene of the
crime when it occurred." The judge looked at the defense table and
said, "This is the third time you've been in this court room this week,
and I'm getting sick of hearing your lies."
The defendant stood up with a confused expression and said, "Your
honor, you must be mistaken. I've never been here in my life." Waving
his finger, the judge replied, "I was referring to your lawyer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I
decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a
lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she
stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief,

"You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy was selling his house and put the matter in an agent's hands. The
agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.
After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all
you say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have ... Why do ye ask?"
Murphy replied, "Cancel the sale ... its too good to part with!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was once a general store in central Kansas back around 1900. The
owner was an elderly man who went to church for a long time. The store
always had those two or three "older gentlemen" that you always see on
the front porch talking about "the war" or how it used to be. Anyway,
this certain storeowner had the habit of quoting Scripture every time he
made a transaction, and it was always a different verse. It got to where
the old men on the porch came in every time a customer showed up just to
hear what the verse was going to be. Well, one day, a Texan came in and
inquired about the rug that was hanging on the wall. The man asked about
the price of the rug, and the owner told him $400. But, the owner and
the old men all knew that the true worth was about $200. So the Texan
thought it over and said, "I'll take it!" He bought the rug and left the
store. The old men stared at the owner in anticipation of what possible
Scripture could follow such a dishonest act. The owner said, "He was a
stranger, and I took him in."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MUCH LIKE HERE AT THE FUNNIES
In a software design meeting, we were using
typical technical Jargon to discuss a data
exchange interface with a vendor. One co-worker
said the programming we had ordered was delayed
because the vendor was suffering from a "severe
nonlinear waterfowl issue."

Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and
asked, "What exactly is that?"

The programmer replied, "They don't have all
their ducks in a row."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers,
"A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and
says "That'll be five dollars", to which he replies "What are
you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this".

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation,
then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In
the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon
acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration". The
bartender's not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you
beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here
again".

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says,
"What the hell are you doing in here? I can't believe you've
got the audacity to come back!".

The guy says "What are you talking about? I've never been in
this place in my life", to which the bartender replies "I'm
very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."

To which the guy replies "Thank you! Make it a scotch."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greets her at the Pearly Gates.
"Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asks God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies.
.So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it.
While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet.
The next day God again invites her to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still she says nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened. She can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand..."
God sighs. "Let's be honest," he says, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fight broke out between a couple redneck locals and a lone
biker at closing time in the local watering hole. After easily
laying out the drunken hillbillies the biker heard someone behind
him! So he swung around and landed a devastating kick to the
groin, realizing too late that it was only the barmaid picking up
empty glasses.
When the case went to court, the judge asked, "Are you the woman
alleging she was kicked in the altercation?"
To which she answered, "I ain't never had no alteration!
These is all my 'riginal parts."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A true story. RATED PG

My Sister-in-law is the chief EMT in a small town in Southern
Indiana. She was on duty one night when there came a call of
a "domestic disturbance". The custom was that an ambulance was
dispatched to accompany all of these calls received by the
police. She arrived just behind the policeman. When they got out
of their vehicles, a woman's voice could be heard screaming from
inside the back of the house.

The policeman broke open the front door, and the screaming
intensified. As they ease their way through the house to the
master bedroom the screaming kept getting louder and louder. When
they opened the bedroom door, the first thing they saw as a naked
woman, spread eagle on the bed and tied hand and foot to the four
corners of the bed. The lady saw the policeman and my sister-in-
law, and shut up, and then started babbling. At this point my
sister-in-law was the first to see him.

Laying at the foot of the bed, was a naked man, dressed only in a
Batman cape and head piece. He was unconscious and bleeding from
a wound above his left eye. When he was rolled over, he was
recognized as the mayor, and the lady was not his wife. When it
was sorted out, they were participating in some sex role playing.
And, when the mayor got up on the end of the bed, he had been
struck in the head by the ceiling fan, knock unconscious, the
lady though he had been killed, and had started screaming because
she did not want to lay there forever.

The mayor begged, pleaded, and ordered that no one talk. But, a
few days later when he stopped in to a local diner for
breakfast, the customers began humming the Batman theme
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHE MUST of BEEN BLONDE
Harry, a TV repairman, was called to fix a television set
that had neither sound nor picture. Left alone in the room,
Harry spotted the cause immediately: the set was unplugged.
Harry faced a dilemma: one part of him said he shouldn't
charge the woman; the other insisted he be paid for his time.

Finally, he presented her with a minimum-charge service bill,
which read: "Restored isolated connecting cable to primary
power source. $25."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new recruit was sitting idly in the barrack room. A passing
officer saw him and barked : "You're no longer a civilian. What
was your job before you were called up?"
"I ran a shop, sir", the recruit replied.
"Did you employ people?"
"Yes, sir, twenty."
"What would you have done if you had caught them doing nothing?"
"I would have sacked them immediately", the soldier said
hopefully.
~~~~~~~~
Poverty - It was one of those proper mid-western colleges. All
they gave their basketball players was room and board, plus
$2,700.00 a week towards their books.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddy O' Leary had spent the eve drinking at the local tavern. He
knew he had a long walk home, so though he was a wee tipsy, he
recalled a shortcut through the town's cemetery. Paddy
staggered 'round the graves, but lost his footing and fell into a
hole dug for a burial the following day. He passed out when he
hit bottom. Upon awakening the next morn, Paddy stood up and
realized where he was-- and promptly shouted
"Glory Be to GOD! 'Tis the Resurrection Day--
and I'm the first one up!"

**** A VISIT TO DOC TAZ ****
A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle
with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than
every 4 hours," the pharmacist says. "Don't worry," replies the
patient. "It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lady says to her pharmacist: "Why does my prescription medication
have 40 side effects?"
Pharmacist replies: "Cause that's all we've documented so far."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Max, 8, was talking about his first experience with
snowboarding. He commented that on the last run
he fell backwards and hit his head pretty hard and
said, "And then you guys were asking me questions
to see if I had Indonesia".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Already the Mother of two rambunctious boys, the husband was
thrilled when the doctor announced they were going to have twins
this time. Doc told the wife that she should start thinking of
names.

"Well, let's see." she said. "We already have Adolph and
Rudolph. How about Getoff and Stayoff ?"

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greets her at the Pearly Gates.
"Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asks God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies.
.So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it.
While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet.
The next day God again invites her to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still she says nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened. She can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand..."
God sighs. "Let's be honest," he says, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fight broke out between a couple redneck locals and a lone
biker at closing time in the local watering hole. After easily
laying out the drunken hillbillies the biker heard someone behind
him! So he swung around and landed a devastating kick to the
groin, realizing too late that it was only the barmaid picking up
empty glasses.
When the case went to court, the judge asked, "Are you the woman
alleging she was kicked in the altercation?"
To which she answered, "I ain't never had no alteration!
These is all my 'riginal parts."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SHE MUST of BEEN BLONDE
Harry, a TV repairman, was called to fix a television set
that had neither sound nor picture. Left alone in the room,
Harry spotted the cause immediately: the set was unplugged.
Harry faced a dilemma: one part of him said he shouldn't
charge the woman; the other insisted he be paid for his time.

Finally, he presented her with a minimum-charge service bill,
which read: "Restored isolated connecting cable to primary
power source. $25."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new recruit was sitting idly in the barrack room. A passing
officer saw him and barked : "You're no longer a civilian. What
was your job before you were called up?"
"I ran a shop, sir", the recruit replied.
"Did you employ people?"
"Yes, sir, twenty."
"What would you have done if you had caught them doing nothing?"
"I would have sacked them immediately", the soldier said
hopefully.
~~~~~~~~
Poverty - It was one of those proper mid-western colleges. All
they gave their basketball players was room and board, plus
$2,700.00 a week towards their books.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddy O' Leary had spent the eve drinking at the local tavern. He
knew he had a long walk home, so though he was a wee tipsy, he
recalled a shortcut through the town's cemetery. Paddy
staggered 'round the graves, but lost his footing and fell into a
hole dug for a burial the following day. He passed out when he
hit bottom. Upon awakening the next morn, Paddy stood up and
realized where he was-- and promptly shouted
"Glory Be to GOD! 'Tis the Resurrection Day--
and I'm the first one up!"

**** A VISIT TO DOC TAZ ****
A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle
with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than
every 4 hours," the pharmacist says. "Don't worry," replies the
patient. "It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lady says to her pharmacist: "Why does my prescription medication
have 40 side effects?"
Pharmacist replies: "Cause that's all we've documented so far."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Max, 8, was talking about his first experience with
snowboarding. He commented that on the last run
he fell backwards and hit his head pretty hard and
said, "And then you guys were asking me questions
to see if I had Indonesia".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Already the Mother of two rambunctious boys, the husband was
thrilled when the doctor announced they were going to have twins
this time. Doc told the wife that she should start thinking of
names.

"Well, let's see." she said. "We already have Adolph and
Rudolph. How about Getoff and Stayoff ?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to:
mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

SUBSCRIBE RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&





&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 
You can join The Funnies
IT'S  FREE
To subscribe, Click on link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**** Reader's Submissions ****
PRIDE

The average age of the Infantryman is 19 years.

He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either.
He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away. He listens to rock and roll or hip hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm Howitzers. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.
He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less-in the dark. He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must. He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity.
He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle. He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.
He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death than he should have in his short lifetime. He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed. He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.
Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years. He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.

Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.

With the above in mind....check this out:

You have received a website referral telling you about the 'Say Hi To A GI' website located at http://www.SayHiToAGI.com
Say Hi To A GI gives you the unique opportunity to post your own messages for our soldiers to read from anywhere in the world. You can also read and reply to other messages posted by caring people just like you, and view the reply messages from our troops. Each time you come by and post a message, you help further the notion of appreciation - letting them know that we care about our country's protectors.
So come by
www.SayHiToAGI.com today, and post your thoughts, feelings, words of wisdom and poetry to keep the spirit alive, and remind our friends and family in the United States Armed Forces that they are not alone, and they are not unappreciated
~~~~~~~~~~~
Southern Word Of The Week!
INJUN (noun). A machine that converts energy into mechanical force.
Usage: "Man, that truck sure has a big injun."


**** TODAYS LINKS ****

 



**** ON THIS DAY ****

What makes stars twinkle?

You know that when you dip a stick in the water, it looks
strangely bent. That's "refraction", the tendency of light to
change direction when it moves from one medium (such as air) to
another (such as water). The same principle makes stars do the
magical thing they do. As light travels from the star toward your
eye, it passes through the turbulent upper atmosphere. Up there,
rivers of air flow in all directions, constantly changing in
temperature and density and therefore refracting light
differently. Starlight gets jiggled through all this chaos. Your
eye registers the motion as twinkling. At the same time,
interference patterns make the light grow rapidly brighter and
darker, and the changes of refraction that cause twinkling also
cause a steady stream of variations in the star's color. If there
were no atmosphere, the stars would burn bright and steady:
pretty, but not especially poetic.

But why, you might ask, don't "planets" twinkle? Stars are so far
away that to us they're mere point sources of light; that is,
there's just one path for the light to follow from, say, Alpha
Centauri to your eye, so the slightest distortion
will make it appear to twinkle. Not so the visible planets,
which, even though they send us only reflected light, are much
closer and occupy more space in the sky. Light from East Venus
will follow a slightly different path to your eyeball than light
from West Venus. There might be some twinkle on each separate
path, but when you put them all together, your eye averages
things out and you get a nice sober glow.

~source used: "Why Moths Hate Thomas Edison"
by Hampton Sides



**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American Heart Association web site on physical activity for women

and men. Features include health facts, practical tips, fitness news, a
personal trainer, user forums and event calendar.
http://www.heart.org/presenter.jhtml?identifier=3040778
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing.
Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The reason men lie is because women
ask so many questions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@joink.com
     subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-4-

Leroy Van Dyke born Spring Fork, MO 1929.

Lloyd Green, steel guitarist/ session musician, born Mobile, AL 1937.

First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, lectured from the stage of the Ryman Auditorium, on behalf of the Nashville Girl Scouts, in 1938.

Larry Collins "Collins Kids," born Tulsa, OK 1944.

Greg Hubbard, "Sawyer Brown," born Orlando, FL 1960.

Johnny Cash arrested in El Paso, Texas, bringing drugs across the border 1965.

Capitol Records released "The Best Of Buck Owens, Vol. 4" 1971.

Esther "Violet" Koehler, age 57, "Coon Creek Girls," died 1973.

Tom T. Hall recorded "Subdivision Blues" 1973.

Billy Jean Campbell filed for divorce from Glen Campbell 1975.

Willie Nelson had his first #1 record "Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain," 1975.

Tammy Wynette reported to police, that she had been kidnapped at a Nashville Mall in 1978. Years later, she admitted that the story was not true.

Alabama appeared on Dick Clark's "American Bandstand" 1980.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens' album "Act Naturally" 1989.

Diamond Rio debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1991.

Danny Gatton, guitar virtuoso, died in Newburg, MD 1994, the result of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Jerry Rivers, fiddler for Hank Williams' Drifting Cowboys, died 1996.

A. L. "Doodle" Owens, songwriter, died 1999. Inducted NSHF 1999.

The 2000 CMA Award Show was presented in Nashville.

Charlie Pride and Faron Young inducted CMHF 2000.

GAC "The Great American Country" Network broadcast their first Grand Ole Opry show, after CMT "Country Music Television" and the Grand Ole Opry, could not come to terms in 2003.

Ernie Lynn, age 50, son of Loretta, injured in a car wreck, near Loretta's Tennessee ranch, in 2003. A passenger in Ernie's car was killed in the accident.

George Hampton, driver of Toby Keith's band bus, was shot while driving the vehicle through Carrollton, Texas in 2004. Hampton was able to stop the vehicle safely, and he was transported to a Dallas hospital. Department of Public Safety investigators believe the shooting was a random drive-by incident. The tour bus had no exterior marking identifying it as Toby's bus.




 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Bill Anderson Fan Club News

Whisper Fans:

Hope all is well with you. i have several items to pass along today so I'll get right to it.

Whisper has made a guest appearance on Bill Cody's GAC-TV Master Series show, which was taped at the Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum in Nashville. The program premieres on October 7th at 11:00 am Eastern time.

Re-runs will air: (all times Eastern)
October 10th at 10:00 am and 3:00 pm
October 15th at 8:00 pm

Bill's XM Radio show "Bill Anderson Visits with the Legends" now has a new schedule....starting in October.

Tuesday & Thursday....Noon (eastern)....new episodes

Saturday & Sunday....8:00 pm (Eastern)....encore episodes

Encore Episodes also run all day long, every Tuesday, on XMX Channel 2.

Now speaking of XM....beginning Saturday, October 20th, our great Grand Ole Opry will be heard on XM satellite. Hoo-ray...... XM will feature the live Friday and Saturday night performances as well as the Tuesday Night Opry.

The country hits channel "Nashville" (XM 11) will feature live Tuesday, Friday and Saturday night performances. Encore broadcasts of new Opry episodes will air on XM's classic country music channel America (XM 10) AT 10:00 AM (Eastern) every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, along with archival Opry broadcasts.

In addition to the Grand Ole Opry, XM will also add "The Eddie Stubbs Show" to the XM programming lineup The popular WSM program is hosted by Eddie Stubbs, a regular announcer for the Grand Ole Opry, award-winning country music DJ, and respected country music historian. "The Eddie Stubbs Show" will premiere later this fall on XM 10.

Whisper has yet another nomination....."I'll Wait For You", co-written by our Bill, recorded by Joe Nichols, is nominated for Song of the Year and Video of The Year from the Christian Country Music Association.

As most of you know, Hairl Hensley, retired Grand Ole Opry announcer and WSM Personality, had a heart attack and consequently had triple bypass surgery. Hairl has had a rough journey, however is now out of Intensive Care and is continuing to recover. Your thoughts and prayers are most gratefully appreciated and we ask that you continue to lift Hairl up in prayer. If you'd care to send Hairl a get-well card, you can send it to:

Hairl Hensley
P.O. Box 8112
Hermitage, TN 37076

Well, it appears that I've written a book so it's time to stop bending your ear and get on with my work today.

Take care and stay well.

"Still" for Bill and
"Always Remember"
Jean


Faith Hill's Hits
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Faith Hill's new album "The Hits" is now available. The CD features ten number-one songs, as well as her new single "Red Umbrella." Faith says all the songs on the album are original versions. She appears on ABC's "Good Morning America" and "The View" today. On Wednesday, she'll be the only guest on "The Martha Stewart Show." The show is slated to air on October 8th. Hill wraps up her stay in New York with an appearance on "The Late Show with David Letterman."

Brooks & Dunn's "Cowboy Town"
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Brooks and Dunn's new CD "Cowboy Town" is in stores today. Ronnie Dunn says he and Kix Brooks wrote 34 songs for the album but the title track turned out to be the last song they wrote. Brooks says they don't like to get "caught up" in just writing three singles an album. They want every song on the album to be just as a good as the single. The debut single "Proud of the House We Built" is a top five hit. The duo is going to be performing on NBC's "Today Show" this Thursday and "Live with Regis and Kelly" on Friday. Brooks and Dunn are the most-awarded act in CMA history, with 19 trophies. They are up for another Vocal Duo award this year.

Merle Haggard's Bluegrass Cd
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Merle Haggard's first bluegrass album is out today. It's called "The Bluegrass Sessions." Haggard recorded the album at Ricky Skaggs' Tennessee studio. Marty Stuart played guitar and mandolin on the CD. The CD includes Haggard songs and it also features a duet with Alison Krauss on the song "Mama's Hungry Eyes."

Trisha Yearwood's Video Is A Big Hit
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Trisha Yearwood's video for "Heaven, Heartache And The Power Of Love" is already a Top Ten video on CMT. Yearwood says they filmed the video in 100-plus degree weather north of Nashville. She says the good news is that she got to refresh herself in an air conditioned trailer between takes. Trisha's new CD "Heaven, Heartache And The Power Of Love" hits stores November 13th.

Lyle Lovett To Perform And Receive Special Award
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Lyle Lovett is going to receive the Americana Music Association's inaugural Trailblazer Award in Nashville on November 1st. He'll also perform at the organization's 2007 Honors and Awards show at the Ryman Auditorium. Other performers include Emmylou Harris, Ricky Skaggs and Bruce Hornsby.

 
Garth restricts concert ticket sales to area states

Wednesday, October 3, 2007 – Tickets will go on sale Saturday for Garth Brooks' Nov. 14 concert in Kansas City, but the Ticketmaster web site made it clear that this is a restricted concert - you have to live in Missouri, Kansas or portions of Iowa, Nebraska and Oklahoma to be able to attend.
Residency will be based on credit card billing address, according to Ticketmaster. Orders by residents outside specified areas will be cancelled without notice and refunds given.

In the event that "exceptional ticket demand warrants the scheduling of additional Kansas City concert performances, additional regions and states will be opened for ticket sales," Ticketmaster said.

Tickets will not be mailed before Oct. 11. All seats at the new Sprint Center are $27.50.


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Almost Kentucky Fried Chicken


Recipe By :
Serving Size : 4 Preparation Time :0:00
3 Pounds Chicken
2 Packages Italian salad dressing
mix
3 Tablespoons Flour
2 Teaspoons Salt
1/4 Cup Lemon juice
1 Cup Milk
1 1/2 Cups Pancake mix
1 Teaspoon Paprika
1/2 Teaspoon Sage
1/4 Teaspoon Pepper
Make a paste out of the marinade ingredients. Coat chicken evenly.
Stack chicken pieces in a bowl. Cover and refrigerate overnight or at
least for several hours.
Mix pancake mix with other seasonings.
Dip pieces of chicken in milk, then in pancake coating. Dust off excess.
Lightly brown in skillet with 1/2 inch vegtable oil in it. Brown for 4
minutes each side.
Remove and place in a single layer on shallow baking pan. Seal with
flour.
Bake for 1 hour at 350 Uncover and baste again with milk.
Return, uncovered, to oven heated to 400, to crisp for 10 minutes.


PHILLY Cheesy Pizza Dip


Prep Time: 10 min
Total Time: 12 min
Makes: 2 cups dip or 16 servings, 2 Tbsp. dip and 5 crackers each

~  1 pkg. (8 oz.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
~  1/2 cup  pizza sauce
~  1/2 cup  KRAFT Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
~  2 Tbsp.  KRAFT 100% Grated Parmesan Cheese
~  2 Tbsp. each: chopped  red and green peppers (I SUBSTIUTE CHOPPED
OLIVES)
~  1 tsp.  Italian seasoning RITZ Crackers
SPREAD cream cheese onto bottom of microwaveable 9-inch pie plate. Cover
with pizza sauce; top with all remaining ingredients except crackers.
MICROWAVE on HIGH 2 min. or until heated through.  SERVE with the
crackers.

How to Soften Cream Cheese
Place completely unwrapped package of cream cheese in microwaveable
9-inch pie plate. Microwave on HIGH 15 sec. or just until softened.
Spread onto bottom of pie plate, then continue as directed.

Serving Suggestion
Serve with assorted cut-up fresh vegetable dippers in addition to the
crackers.
NUTRITION INFORMATION
Nutrition (per serving)Calories 150




**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

"The Wizard of Oz":

During his life L. Frank Baum wrote fourteen books about Oz.
According to Baum family legend, it all began when L. Frank Baum
was telling neighborhood children a fairytale full of wonderful
characters he had created. One little girl said, "Oh, please, Mr.
Baum, where did they live?" While thinking, Baum glanced around
the room and saw a filing cabinet. The top drawer was labeled
A-N, the bottom drawer was labeled O-Z. He turned to the little
girl and said, "They all lived in the land of Oz."

"The Wizard of Oz" was a Broadway musical 37 years before the MGM
film version was made. It had 293 performances and then went on a
tour that lasted 9 years. L. Frank Baum's most famous book had
four different titles ("The Emerald City", "From Kansas to
Fairyland", "The Fairyland of Oz", and "The Land of Oz") before
it became "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz".

Australians refer to their country as Oz. They abbreviate
Australia as "Aus," which is pronounced "ahs" or "oz." Hence the
nickname. Five pairs of Dorothy's ruby slippers were made for the
film. Over 5 million people a year view a pair on display at the
Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C. Another pair sold for
$165,000 at an auction in 1988.

Although written almost a century ago, "The Wonderful Wizard of
Oz" is still being published and can be purchased today in most
bookstores.

~source used "Do Fish Drink Water?"
by Bill McLain




****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes.
You will learn a lot today.


LAST CALL Y'ALL


HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
In God I trust. All others we polygraph
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