I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

TUESDAY  OCTOBER 30,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: A miracle drug is one that has the same price as last year. None of mine are miracles, the only miracle is I can still eat after a trip to the pharmacy.

A Mexican, an Iraqi, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the Same one twice."

The Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45, and shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar,and calling for a refill, she says, "In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
God Bless America!
and them redneck girls
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their
labour- saving devices as they pulled into our driveway.
Karen said, "I love my new garage-door opener." "I love
mine too," my wife replied, and honked the horn three
times.
That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were going out of state for six weeks and asked
the neighbors' nine-year-old son, Mike, to care for our
dog. We explained that the job required feeding,
grooming, walking and, most of all, plenty of love
and playtime. Then we asked Mike what the job
would be worth to him. "I'll give you ten bucks,"
he said. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy was selling his house and put the matter in an agent's
hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made
wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent
and asked, "Have I got all you say there?" The agent said,
"Certainly ye have ... Why do ye ask?"
Murphy replied, "Cancel the sale ... its too good to part with!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry, a TV repairman, was called to fix a television set
that had neither sound nor picture. Left alone in the room,
Harry spotted the cause immediately: the set was unplugged.
Harry faced a dilemma: one part of him said he shouldn't
charge the woman; the other insisted he be paid for his time.
Finally, he presented her with a minimum-charge service bill,
which read: "Restored isolated connecting cable to primary
power source. $25."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tall tower stand near
Highway 481 in Maverick Co., TX, early one cold December morning.
Suddenly, a huge buck walked out over the corn they had spread in the
shrub with a tailgate feeder. Moving quickly, the hunter carefully
aimed the Leupold scope on his .300 Win Mag at the unsuspecting buck.
As he was about to squeeze the trigger on this deer of a lifetime,
his friend alerted him to a funeral procession passing slowly down
highway 481.
 
The hunter pulled away from the gunstock, set the rifle down, took
off his hat, bowed his head, and then closed his eyes in prayer. His
friend was stunned. "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching
thing I have ever seen you do. You are indeed the kindest man I have
ever known, and I feel lucky to call you a friend."
 
The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The woman taking my order at a fast-food restaurant was about 25. She was attractive and had a bubbly personality and a warm smile. Even though I'm 45, I felt there was chemistry between us. Before I walked away from the counter to sit down, we made eye contact and again exchanged smiles.

Eating my burger, I glanced at my receipt. It turned out she had given me the senior-citizen discount.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My first-grade class had just completed their first projects, and Andrew was now reading his effort to the class. “My report is on spiders. Spiders have eight legs. Spiders spin webs. Spiders catch flies in their webs and eat them. A spider’s enemy is the vacuum cleaner.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE GUESTS

A young man and his wife were on a trip to visit his mother. Usually they arrived in time for supper. They had gotten a late start, and now it was getting dark. They decided to look for a place to stay overnight and go on in the morning.

Just off the road, they saw a small house in the woods. "Maybe they rent rooms", the wife said. So they stopped to ask. An elderly man and woman came to the door. They didn't rent rooms, they said. But they would be glad to have them stay overnight as their guests. They had plenty of room, and they would enjoy the company. The old woman made coffee, brought out some cake, and the four of them talked for awhile. Then the young couple were taken to their room. They explained that they wanted to pay for this, but the old man said he would not accept any money.

The young couple got up early the next morning before their hosts had awakened. On a table near the front door, they left an envelope with some money in it for the room. Then they went on to the next town. They stopped at a restaurant and had breakfast. When they told the owner where they had stayed, he was shocked. "That can't be", he said. "That house burned to the ground ten years ago, the old man and woman who lived there died in the fire."

The young couple could not believe it. So they went back to the house. Only now there was no house. All they found was a burned- out shell. They stood staring at the ruins trying to understand what had happened.

Then the woman started screaming! In the rubble was a badly burned table, on the table was the envelope they had left there that morning!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's Links:

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FREE FOOD FOR HOMELESS DOGS
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****
-30-

Exactly what IS Victoria's Secret? How did they come up with that name?

 The origin of a company name is often a mystery. What we discovered, (besides the fact that Heidi Klum has been chosen to wear the Victoria's Secret jewel-encrusted Fantasy Bra a record three -- count 'em, three! -- times) is that there is no one "secret.

The Victoria of Victoria's Secret likely refers to the British queen. Ipso facto, one can conclude the aforementioned "secret" is merely part of a clever branding strategy, alluding to the titillating possibility that the prudish monarch (who at one point during her reign went into seclusion for 25 years) liked to wear sexy lingerie like the stretch lace Miracle Bra. Lucky Prince Albert.

But despite what some would say was a cultivated aura of Anglicism, Victoria's Secret started in the early 70s as a small lingerie shop in San Francisco. The store was decorated, according to Les Wexner, CEO of Victoria's parent company, like a Victorian brothel, complete with red leather sofas. Check out the links in our Victoria's Secret category for more.



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle
with an elderly patient. "Be sure not to take this more often than
every 4 hours," the pharmacist says. "Don't worry," replies the
patient. "It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off".

LAST CALL Y'ALL
Lady says to her pharmacist: "Why does my prescription medication
have 40 side effects?"
Pharmacist replies: "Cause that's all we've documented so far."

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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