TUESDAY  NOVEMBER 6,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Some people think it's holding on that makes
one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just
dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our
anniversary. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package
and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The
Meaning of Dreams."
~~~~~~~~~
Logan, 11 yrs. old , had been ill, requiring several doctors'
visits and tests before a specialist came up
with the final diagnosis and treatment.
Afterwards, his mother asked him if he understood what
the doctor had explained to him. "No," replied Logan , "not really."
"Okay," his mother replied, "the doctor said you started with a virus..."
At which point Logan interrupted to ask,
"Does that mean I need a new motherboard?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you are living in the year 2007 when:

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do
not have e-mail. 2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your
family of three. 3. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of
your newborn so she can create a screen saver. 4. You pull up in your
own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home. 5. Every
commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the
screen. 6. You buy a computer and 3 months later it's out of date and
sells
    for half the price you paid.
7. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life,
    is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it. 8. Using
real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase
    would be a hassle and take planning.
9. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
10. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
11. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
12. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes. 13.
You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person. 14. You get
an extra phone line so you can get phone calls. 15. You disconnect from
the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug
on a loved one. 16. You get up in the morning and go online before
getting your coffee. 17. You wake up at 2 AM to go to the bathroom and
check your E-mail on your way back to bed. 18. You start tilting your
head sideways to smile. :) 19. You're reading this and nodding and
laughing. 20. Even worse, you know exactly who you are going to forward
this to.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Harris finally decided it was
time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami. She was
given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically drove her all
over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment they looked at.

"And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the investment of a
lifetime. Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..."

"Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Harris, "at my age I don't even buy green
bananas."
~~~~~~~~~~
President Bush said Monday he didn't know he was misleading
Congress on Iraq or citing false intelligence. He can't win. For
years Democrats said he doesn't know anything and now that he
admits he didn't know anything, they don't believe him.
~~~~~~~~~~~
His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were
questioning her husband, William. "Did she say anything before she
died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for
about forty years," said William.
~~~~~~~~
The entire congregation came out to hear the preacher's first
sermon. It lasted for a mere eight minutes. The next Sunday, the
preacher's sermon was forty-five minutes. His third sermon was
two and a half hours in duration.
The pulpit committee called the preacher in and asked, "What's
happening here?"
The preacher replied,
"Well, on the first Sunday all of my teeth had just been pulled.
My mouth was sore, so my sermon was short. The next week, I had
my new dentures and I was feeling fine." The committee leader
said, "But, your third sermon was two and a half hours long!"
"Oh, yes," the preacher responded. "The third week, I picked up
my wife's dentures by mistake and I couldn't stop talking!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed
their old home. That December, when they went to pick up their
first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a
conversation she overheard. One boy said, "We're Catholic, and we
are going to Christmas Mass." "Were Jewish," said another
child. "And we're going to have a Hanukkah celebration. "Madison
chimed in, "We're Texans, and were going to have a barbecue."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
QUESTION: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
ANSWER:    Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else
was in liquidation.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by
the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a
particular food.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sense of humor is what makes you laugh
at something that would make you mad
if it happened to you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boxer staggered back to his corner
after taking a beating for six rounds.
"Dont give up now," whispered his
manager. "You've got a no-hitter going."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were these three women who escaped from prison.
A blonde and two brunettes. So to get away from the cops
they hid in an abandoned farm house. In the farm house
there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in
them. When the cops came to the farm house the one of the
cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, "There's just three
burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies, "Then kick
them just to be sure it's not them hiding". The officer goes
and kicks the one with the brunette in it and she yells,
"MEEEYYOWW!" the officer said "Oh, its just a stupid cat in
there." So he kicks the one with the other brunette in it and
she yells, "RUUFFF RUFFF!", so the officer says, "Oh, it's just
a stupid dog!" Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and
she yells, "POTATOES!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I saw this blonde in a bar sitting all alone. We had each had three
drinks, and I had always thought that men had a much higher tolerance
for alcohol than women. I waited until I caught her eye, then asked,
"How many drinks does it take to make you dizzy?" She frowned, gave me
quite the dirty look, and said, "Oh, usually about four or five, and
don't call me 'dizzy'!"
~~~~~~~~~~
A report says high blood pressure is on the increase in America.
Researchers don't know the exact cause. Most of the respondents
contacted had gone out for fast food.
~~~~~~~~~~
A livesstock truck overturned in my town. The TV reporter stated, "Two
cows, Black and Gus, escaped into the nearby woods. After the commercial
break, the reporter corrected himself, "About that overturned truck,
make those Black Angus cattle."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign: "Future Home of the Procrastinator's Club" Ernie: "Danged if I
know -- That signs been there as long as I can remember."
~~~~~~~~~~
The Food and Drug Administration has just approved a new treatment for
the removal of sags and wrinkles in rear ends. It's an injectible
medicine called "butox".
~~~~~~~~~
In marriage, the bride gets a shower, but for the groom it's curtains!
~~~~~~~~~~
Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was
probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.

Enjoy the following quotes----

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back
in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men The ones that learn by reading. The few
who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric
fence.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.

10. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it
back.

12. AND FINALLY: After eating an entire bull, a mountain
lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came
along and shot him...

The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to
time. When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby had a high
temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was taking the reading
under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere. So we asked, "How are you
taking it?" Her reply: "Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!"
~~~~~~~~~~
I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington State.
Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills -- which they said
looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending
full-sized bills in envelopes. The month before the switch, I had a note
printed on the cards, announcing the change. Two days later, I heard
someone yelling at our receptionist, "Is this some kind of joke?" When
the customer threw his bill upon the desk, I saw his point. The note
was, "Coming soon! New Larger Bills!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night I had a horrible dream. I dreamed I was being chased by a
coffin. All around the house it chased me, gaining on me and I heard a
little voice urging me to go into the bathroom. But I said "No, I can't
go in the bathroom . I'll be trapped." So I kept running and the coffin
kept chasing me and laughing a horrible coffin laugh harharharharhar!
The little voice kept saying "go in the bathroom." So in desperation I
ducked into the bathroom. The coffin laughed "You're mine now, Baby." I
was so scared. There was no where to go. No way out. The coffin was
coming closer and closer. I reached into the medicine cabinet. Pulled
out the cough syrup and the cough syrup stopped the coffin."
~~~~~~~~~
Didja hear about the veterinarian who was barred from performing any
surgery because he suffered from bouts of epilepsy? The cops busted him
for attempting to operate on a sick predatory bird but the case was
thrown out on a technicality. It was an ill eagle surgeon seizure.
~~~~~~~~~~
According to a recent survey, 25% of women believe that Martha Stewart
does all her own housework. Martha said today she'll like to know who
these women are and get them on her jury.

You can join The Funnies
To subscribe, Click on link below
http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies 
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FREE FOOD FOR HOMELESS DOGS
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

About FreeRice
No one should ever go to bed hungery....Jim
FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's Links:

 Science Articles & Information Site Map

http://online-articles.org/science/site-map.php 

 

Avoid Virus~ 10 Rules
http://www.bestcomputerguy.com/avoid_virus.htm

 

Sun Spots

http://cse.ssl.berkeley.edu/segwayed/lessons/sunspots/

 

Slang Dictionary
http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~wrader/slang/index.html

Grain Harvesting 1931
http://www.vaes.vt.edu/steeles/mccormick/harvest.html
 

Game Mini-Pool

Pot the balls as fast as you can to score higher.

Watch out for the sneaky pink!

http://www.gamescraze.com/games/?g=minipool.swf

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

Bacon Cheddar Potato Soup


6 thick slices bacon
1-1/2 teaspoons olive oil
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped carrots
1 stalk celery, chopped
4 cups low fat, low sodium chicken broth
4 cups cubed potatoes
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1/2 t salt

Cook bacon until crisp in 3-quart saucepan, remove and drain well on
paper towels.
Discard bacon grease and wipe pan thoroughly with paper towel.
Meanwhile, prepare vegetables. Add olive oil to saucepan and add
onion, carrot, and celery as they are cut up. Saut? until onion is
soft but not brown, about 3-4 minutes. Stir in chicken broth,
potatoes, and pepper; bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer,
covered, until potatoes are tender, about 10-15 minutes. Stir in
cheese, heating just until melted--do not boil. Chop bacon and add to
soup. Adjust seasoning to taste by adding salt, if desired. Serve at
once.

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Why are cats so attracted to catnip?

Catnip contains a substance called nepetalactone that comes from
small glands on the leaves of a plant of the mint family called
catnip. It is believed that when nepetalactone is inhaled by
cats, it alters their brain functioning and arouses sexual
feelings, as would a hormone. This causes cats to act playful and
exhibit mating-type behavior. So cats are attracted to catnip for
the same reason they are attracted to cats of the opposite sex.

~source used: "Ever Wonder Why?"
by Douglas B. Smith


****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
A awful lot of couples these days suffer through an aging problem:
he won't act his, and she won't tell hers.

LAST CALL Y'ALL
"Little Johnny"
 
Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and freezer and is scooping out some ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.

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