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Welcome and enjoy!
Thanks Sylvie

 

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published 5 x weekly.No censorship
Happy Birthday Dad ,I love and miss you.
He would have been 88 today.A kinder and more gentle man I never knew...........Jim
My final gift to him was his final resting place,on
Dec.5,1985....R.I.P. Dad

I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

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published 5 x weekly.No censorship

WEDNESDAY  DECEMBER 5,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Every time I close the door
on reality, it comes in through the windows.

Three blondes are training to be police officers. The police
sergeant who is training them takes out a picture and asks
the first blonde, What do you notice about the man in this
picture?"

The blonde says, "He only has one eye!"

The sergeant says "No, no, it's a side view."

Then he says to the second blonde, "What do you notice about
this man?"

The 2nd blonde says, "He only has one ear!".

The sergeant says "Hello, it's a side view! Geez!".

So the sergeant goes over to the last blonde and says,
"What do you notice about this man?"

The final blonde says, "He wears contacts!"

The sergeant goes to the FBI computer and looks the man
in the picture up -sure enough - he wears contacts!

The sergeant totally amazed says, "How did you know that?"

The blonde says "Well, if he only has one eye and one ear,
how can he wear glasses?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My brother dropped off his wife at the hairstylist and she was
supposed to call me when she was ready to be picked up. She must
have dialed a wrong number, she reported later.

She called, and a man said, "Hello," to which she cheerfully
said, "Come and get me!"

The man said, "Are you sure? This is Mitchell's funeral home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Christmas Cake
~ attributed to Red Skelton

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
1 bottle of rum
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the rum to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the rum again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and
drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the rum is shtill ok
Try another cup...just in case
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose
with drewscriver.
Sample the rum to check for ton sisticicity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. or something. WHo cares.
Check the rum.
Now shift the lemon juice and str ain your nuts. Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the
oven.
Place the smixture into a sorcerp an--thats like a phlyingpan
with higher sidesss---turn the sorcerpan 360 degrees and try n ot to
fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Fi nally, throw the bowl through the window,
Finish the rum and call it a day.
CHERRY MISTMAS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road.
The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about
detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold
letters on one side of their shiny craft.

As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank
and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.

"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been
working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Throughout the Bible's Old Testament, not much good is said about
adultery.

Turn to the New Testament, however, and there we are admonished
to "Love our Neighbor" - I mean, go figure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I arrived home to hear about the birth of my newest nephew. Of
course, one has to make the "ceremonial pilgrimage" to the
hospital to "view" the baby (as if the mother needs to be
entertaining relatives in between nursing, sitz baths and post-
partum exercises!)

As we approached the Nursery window, the nurse was undressing him
to change his diaper and clean the clamp around the umbilical
cord. His precocious five-year-old sister asks if anyone knew what
she was doing. Naturally, she received several responses (none of
which were to her satisfaction.)

"You're all wrong", she exclaims confidently. "That's where they
blew him up after mommy squeezed him out of her tummy!"

As if anyone wasn't already in stitches laughing, another
youngster nearby interrupts and states, "That’s where they cut the
bungee cord that stops the baby from flying out and hurting the
doctor."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patient: It isn't possible that I'm as overweight as you say I am.

Doctor: Maybe you would prefer to look at it in a different way.
According to this chart, you're about 10 inches too short.
Patient: It isn't possible that I'm as overweight as you say I am.

Doctor: Maybe you would prefer to look at it in a different way.
According to this chart, you're about 10 inches too short.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly couple had a parlor in which they kept a couple of food
bins. One of those bins contained apples, and the other bin
contained nuts.

They were having quite a bit of trouble wth mice, so one evening
before going to bed they set a couple of mouse traps, one by the
bin of apples and one by the bin of nuts.

During the night they heard a trap snap. The old gentleman got up
to see which mouse trap had caught a mouse.

On returning to bed his wife asked, "Well did we catch him by the
apples?"

The old gentleman replied, "Nope, try again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the final answer for the big game show and the contestant
was one question away from the big 1 million dollar prize.

"To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name
two of Santa's reindeer."

The contestant, a Texas A & M professor, gave a sigh of relief,
gratified that she had drawn such an easy question.....no life
line was needed.

"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"

The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above
their heads said to do), but the clapping quickly faded into
mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept
Rudolph, but could you please explain.. 'Olive?!?'"

"You know," the UNC Prof. circled her hand forward impatiently
and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very
shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed.
*Olive,* the other reindeer..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Too many of the elderly have too much room in the house
and too little in the medicine chest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I bought my sons a pet rabbit after they promised they would take
care of it. As usual, I ended up with the responsibility. One evening,
exasperated, I asked, " How many times do you think that rabbit
would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, my
son replied, "Once."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After 23 years in the same location, our company moved to a new
building. The last item to go was a small safe that we always kept
closed but not locked. The move must have jarred the mechanism,
though, because at the new location, it was locked.
No one knew the combination. Finally we spoke to the office manager
who had retired 15 years before. "Oh, I could never remember the
combination," he admitted, "so I wrote it on the back."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young
patients to test their knowledge of body parts. One day, while pointing
to a little boy's ear, the doctor asked him, "Is this your nose?"
Immediately the little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mom, I think
we'd better find a new doctor!" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 A couple completed their dinner and the man asked for the check.
Trying to impress his date, he called the waiter over and loudly
complained that the bill was incorrect.
The waiter patiently reviewed the bill with the man, and confirmed
that it was indeed correct.
"Are you trying to make a fool out of me?" he huffed.
"Oh sir... Not in the least... I try to never interfere with nature..." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Sometime around two in the morning our phone rang,
waking us out of a sound sleep. "Wrong number,"
my husband growled, and slammed down the receiver.
A few minutes later it rang again. I heard him say,
"One with pepperoni and extra cheese and one with
sausage. Pickup in 20 minutes." "What was that?"
I asked. "I took his order. Now we can sleep." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Simply The Best

A trip to the bookstore with my granddaughter is always
a big production.

She peruses the aisles for hours, touching the books,
running her hands over the covers, picking them up,
putting them back, looking at a few pages here and
looking at a few pages there.

I never realized the full importance my five-year-old
GrandAngel placed on these excursions, until the day I
suggested she pick the book she liked best, so we could
get on home for dinner. Her response was remarkable.

"But Grammy, I like them all the best. All the covers are
bee-yoo-tiful and all the pictures are bee-yoo-tiful AND
they're all different. Just like people. Remember when you
told me about people?"

I most certainly remembered when I 'told her about people'.
I had explained that we are all beautiful in our own
different way. Each of us has a story to tell and no two
stories are the same. We learn by sharing our stories and
listening to the stories of others. Difference is the thing
that makes each and every one of us special.

I had no idea she'd equated the lesson with books. What a
wondrous revelation!

A good head and shoulders taller than the bookshelves in
the children's section of the store, I looked out over the
sea of multi-shaped, multi-weighted, multi-colored books,
with their multitude of content, and the accuracy of the
equation shot straight through me.

It was perfect.

No one book was better than any other book. They were
equally beautiful and equally special.

With dinner still waiting and our stomachs beginning to
growl, decision time was finally at hand. But how to
choose?

I hit on the right question when I asked, "Which book
wants to go home the most with you today?"

After a short moment of deliberation, her eyes lit up.
She ran to a specific book and removed it from its place
on the shelf.

The deciding factor was the picture on the cover, a turtle
with sad eyes.

"We need to find out why the turtle's eyes are sad."

Later, snuggled deep in the covers of her bed, that's
exactly what we did.

© 2000 Terri McPherson
Windsor, Ontario, Canada
tmcp-@mnsi.net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just to Touch You
" A drifter or magician"

Could he have been a drifter from some far off place;
Who was this strange little man who had invaded our space.

He was like a comedy act the way he jabbered on;
But he could draw a picture in full detail and would draw way up
till dawn.

His drawings would be places or things that he had seen;
All in intricate detail like it were a dream.

A magician is that what he could be;
Or was he just the drifter that we all could see.

He wore baggy clothes and looked quite rough most every time we met;
But after a shower and something to eat it seemed that he was set.

What a funny little guy ,he turned out to be;
No matter what the topic he had story he'd tell for free.

His artwork was in high demand by many in the field;
He never gave into corporate life so his deal was sealed.

I shall miss him greatly the funny little guy;
who gave us all so much and whose life seemed gone a rye.

So was he a magician this man we knew so well;
Or was he just a drifter one can never really tell.

Donna Starkey
dedcated to my brother Rick 9/21/60 - 9/13/03
12/01/03
I am 40 yrs old and live in rural MS we will greatly miss my brother
this year and every year after I am sure but this was in memory of
him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Necklace

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five.
Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them,
a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then
looked back
into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.

"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00.
If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and
in
no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself.
Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp
dollar bill from Grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted
out 17 pennies.
After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to
the neighbor
and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.
On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and
at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up.
She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed.
The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a
bubble bath.
Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for
bed,
he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a
story.
One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love
me?"

"Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess,
the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail.
Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite."

"That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night."
And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time,
Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
"Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll.
The brand new one I got for my birthday.
She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches
her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one.   Daddy loves
you."
And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in,
Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style.
As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling
and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her
daddy.
And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace.
With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, daddy, this is for
you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes,
Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store
necklace,
and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out
a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to
Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the
dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.
So it is, with our Heavenly Father.
He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives
so that he can give us beautiful treasures.

Isn't God good?
Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of?
Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners,
relationships,
habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it
seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see
what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing ....

God will never take away something without giving you something
better in its place.
Author Unknown

Pick and play any popular song from 1952 through 1982 or go to the specialty
Areas.  You can't miss them.  They are listed in very bright colors.  That
Is for older eyes!!!
  Http://www.tropicalglen.com/ 

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-5-

Ray Whitley, singing cowboy, film star, born Atlanta, GA 1901.

William Howard "Jesse" James, Western Swing bandleader of "Jesse James & All The Boys" born in Mississippi 1916.

Don Robertson, songwriter/piano session player, born Peking, China 1922.

Gene Autry recorded "You're The Only Star (In My Blue Heaven)" 1935.

Frank Dycus, singer/songwriter, born Hardmoney, KY. 1939.

Jim Messina, guitarist founder of "Poco" born Harlingen, TX 1947.

Merle Travis recorded "Guitar Rag," for Capitol 1952.

George Morgan, Don Gibson, Billy Grammer, Johnnie Wright, Kitty Wells, The Jordanaires, Faron Young, Ferlin Husky, Justin Tubb, Stonewall Jackson, and Ray Price, were dismissed from the Grand Ole Opry in 1956. This occurred after they refused to sign a new contract, which required them to appear on the Opry a minimum of 26 weekends per year, at union scale. The dispute was eventually resolved.

Wanda Jackson wrote, "Kickin' Our Hearts Around," and Buck Owens recorded it 1961.

Ty England, guitarist/vocals/session musician, born Oklahoma City, OK 1963.

Gary Allan, singer/songwriter/guitarist, born Gary Allan Herzberg, in Montebello, California 1967.

Buck Owens recorded "Sweet Rosie Jones" 1967.

Molly O'Day, age 64, died in Virginia from cancer 1987.

Harold Westcott "Pappy" Daily, age 85, music executive, died 1987.

Epic released Joe Diffie's album "Life's So Funny" 1995.

Wilf Carter a.k.a. Montana Slim, died in Scottsdale, AZ 1996.

T Bone Burnett's "O Brother Where Art Thou" soundtrack was released 2000.

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Josh Turner hosts year-end radio show

Josh Turner will once again host the America's Grand Ole Opry Weekend Year-End Special. The four-hour special will share some of the year's biggest hits and most memorable country music moments.
Listeners will hear "Wasted" by Carrie Underwood, "Online" by Brad Paisley, "Teardrops On My Guitar" by Taylor Swift, "Firecracker" from the host himself plus hits by Sugarland, Rodney Atkins, Martina McBride and others.

The special will air on Christmas and New Year's weekends and is available to country radio stations across America from Westwood One.

 Tanya Tucker Gears Up For Christmas Tour

NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Tanya Tucker is going to be performing with the Imperials on her Christmas tour this month. The Imperials are the Grammy award-winning gospel group who were the backup vocal group for Elvis Presley. The tour is called "Tanya Tucker Family Christmas" and will also include her two daughters and her niece. The tour begins in Kansas City, Missouri, on December 12th and wraps up December 21st in Nashville.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****