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The Funnies are
strictly an opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM  THE DAILY FUNNIES at Topica. First click on: http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies linkYou will be directed to the Topica sight. Two box forms will appear. Ignore the Topica Members, Please Log In box on the left hand side. To register to the Daily Funnies: All you need to do is fill out the small box on the right hand side entitled: NOT A TOPICA MEMBER YET? Enter your Email address and then click on CONTINUE. You are now subscribed to The Daily Funnies. There is NO NEED to fill out the Topica Registration Form that will appear next. Just exit the Topica sight by clicking the X on the top right hand corner. Next: To activate your subscription you must go to your Email address account to confirm your subscription. Open the email entitled: TOPICA Customer Care – Response Required Activate your subscription by clicking the http://list.topica.com …… link indicated.The Topica Registration Form will again appear but there is NO NEED to fill it out to receive The Daily Funnies. Your subscription to The Daily Funnies is now confirmed. You can now exit the Topica sight by clicking the X on the top right hand corner. You will now receive The Daily Funnies 5 times a week. Welcome and enjoy! You can join The Funnies To subscribe, Click on link below http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies published 5 x weekly.No censorship From Carlisle
,Indiana
U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000 "Friends are God's
way of taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG I always know God won't give me more than I can
handle,
You can join The Funnies THURSDAY DECEMBER
6,2007 As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup
truck with Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox >From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite! **** ON THIS DAY **** Children can no longer sit on Santa's knee in a New Zealand town of Mosgiel because of fears over liability. Those wanting to tell Santa their Christmas list are being directed to sit on specially decorated "elf ch"A Dieter's Christmas" Twas the night before Christmas and all round my
hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick The sweet-coated santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox >From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite!airs." Gail Thompson, secretary of the Mosgiel Business Association, which is organizing the event, calls the precaution "ridiculous" but necessary, reports Britain's Sky News. "None of us really want the risk of someone saying in 15 years' time 'When we sat on Santa's knee..." she says. Graham Glass, who will be Santa, also called it ridiculous. "I can't believe we have become so politically correct," he says. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They'd been worn all week and needed the air. Today's Links: Old Time Commercials Cute pictures of kitties helping to
put up the tree
Funny Faces
http://tinyurl. Make A Car Disappear: http://www.good- Norad Tracks Santa
http://www.noradsan Christmas Mazes http://holidays. Game Caravan
Think you can park a caravan? Think again!
The Real Santahttp://www.geocities.com/lmaupin.geo/christmas/realsanta.html Christmas Quote http://wtv-zone.com/nywoman/PAGES/page12.html A Christmas Story" ~ by The PalletMaster's Workshop® http://www.palletmastersworkshop.com/AChristmasStory.html Don't forget Dec. 7 is Pearl Habor Day Please remember those who gave all Ginger's Diary 1941 Diary of a 17 year old at Hickam Field http://www.gingersdiary.com/diary.html Eyewitness to History Pearl Harbor http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/pearl.htm U.S. Fleet 1941 http://www.navsource.org/Naval/usf.htm Pearl Harbor From Navy Archives http://www.history.navy.mil/photos/events/wwii-pac/pearlhbr/pearlhbr.htm Date That will Live In Infamy Speech http://www.archives.gov/digital_classroom/lessons/day_of_infamy/day_of_infamy.html You can join The Funnies **** COUNTRY CALENDAR **** -6- Hugh Farr, "Sons of the Pioneers," born Llano, TX 1903. Jim Eanes, Bluegrass singer/guitarist, born Mountain Valley, VA 1923. Ernest Tubb's first single for Bluebird Records released 1936. Helen Cornelius born Helen Cornelius Johnson, Hannibal, MO 1941. Spike Jones and his Orchestra, presented the "Musical Depreciation Revue," from the stage of the Ryman Auditorium 1946. Roy Acuff left Columbia Records 1952. Eddy Arnold's single "I'd Trade All of My Tomorrow's" charted 1952. Tish Hinojosa, singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist, born San Antonio, TX 1955. Bill Lloyd, "Foster & Lloyd," born Ft. Hood, TX 1955. Carl Smith and June Carter were divorced 1956. Tex Ritter inducted CMHF 1964. Ronnie Milsap's "Smokey Mountain Rain," topped the charts 1980. Roy Orbison, age 52, died in Hendersonville, TN 1988. Johnny Cash was released from a drug treatment center 1989. Garth and Sandy Brooks were divorced in 2000. Rebecca Lynn Howard made a guest appearance on NBC's "Providence" 2002. Vince Gill and wife Amy Grant, debuted the latest version of their annual "Simply Christmas" tour 2004. The concert in San Antonio, Texas, was broadcast live to U.S. troops in Baghdad. **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** Sara Evans helps national Christmas tree lighting festivities Wednesday, December 5, 2007 – Sara Evans will help the White House kick off the holiday season by performing at the 84th Annual Lighting of the National Christmas tree Thursday, Dec. 6. President George W. Bush will be on hand to continue the tradition begun in 1923 by President Calvin Coolidge who lit the first tree in President's Park. During the ceremony, Evans will perform "Silent Night," "O Come All Ye Faithful" and "Go Tell It On The Mountain," accompanied by The United States Air Force Band and the St. Albans and National Cathedral Schools Choir. Evans recently
celebrated the release of her "Greatest Hits" album with four new songs,
including the Top 15 hit single, "As If," plus "Love You with All My Heart,"
"Pray for You" and "Some Things Never Change," all co-penned by Evans. Also
featured on the album are three top five singles and four number one songs,
including "No Place That Far," "Born to Fly," "Suds in the Bucket," "A Real Fine
Place to Start" and "I Could Not Ask for
More."
Country Music has its hallowed places, and among one of the most revered is Nashville's RCA Studio B. RCA Studio B: 'The Home of 1,000 Hits' By Ted Drozdowski © 2007 CMA Close Up News Service / Country Music Association, Inc. The outside of this rectangular brick building at 1611 Roy Acuff Place is nondescript, save for the chink a nervous Dolly Parton put in the wall with her car as she arrived for one of her early recording sessions. Even so, it didn't take long, after opening its doors, for this studio to become known as "The Home of 1,000 Hits." Studio B's first sessions transpired in November 1957, a milestone celebrated this year by the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum through tour packages, live broadcasts from the studio, recording workshops and panel discussions, all of which have a rich history to examine. Researchers are still trying to verify the very first artist who recorded there, but some of the earliest include The Stanley Brothers and Don Gibson, whose "Oh, Lonesome Me" was the first big crossover hit to emerge from the facility. Eddy Arnold's majestic "What's He Doing in My World?," Bobby Bare's "Detroit City," The Everly Brothers' "Cathy's Clown," Waylon Jennings' "Only Daddy That'll Walk the Line," Roy Orbison's "Only the Lonely," Dolly Parton's "Coat of Many Colors," Elvis Presley's "Are You Lonesome Tonight," "Good Luck Charm," "It's Now or Never" and "Little Sister," and smashes by Skeeter Davis, Donna Fargo, Don Gibson, Hank Locklin, Jim Reeves, Porter Wagoner and many more are all part of Studio B's legacy. Nashville businessman Dan Maddox built and leased the facility to RCA Records to accommodate the label's local recording interest and in particular its hot young Country producer, Chet Atkins. But it was seasoned by the work of Nashville's top session musicians. Although many of the players had rural roots, they were a sophisticated lot with a strong grasp of music history. Some were classically trained. Some played in jazz bands and were deft improvisers when not obliged to follow charts. They were also dedicated craftspeople who wanted to get the best performances at every turn. "They were really committed to studying the room right from the start," said John Rumble, Senior Historian, Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum, "so they'd know how to adjust their own sound to get excellent results for the artists they were supporting." The musicians often held Sunday afternoon picking parties around a galvanized tub of cold beer. Chief Engineer Bill Porter's tapes of these jams revealed that the room had a problem with "standing waves" - points where an amplified sound would bounce off a wall and cancel out, or where volume would swell suddenly. To remedy the problem, Porter cut pieces of acoustical ceiling tile into small pyramids and hung them at different levels to break up the waves. "The session musicians called them 'Porter's Pyramids,'" Rumble recalled. Atkins' A-Team included guitarists Harold Bradley, Ray Edenton, Hank Garland and Grady Martin, bassist Bob Moore, pianists Floyd Cramer and Hargus "Pig" Robbins, drummer Buddy Harmon, saxophonist Boots Randolph, harmonica ace Charlie McCoy and others whose names recur on credits for the 35,000 songs cut at Studio B during its 20 years of operation. The same players would also record at the Bradley Film and Recording Studios, which included a surplus Army "Quonset Hut," located on 16th Avenue South, a stone's throw from RCA Studio B. In fact, Studio B was built to compete with the Bradley studios, which were owned by Bradley and his brother, producer Owen Bradley. They ran their operation from 1955 until 1962, when Columbia Records purchased the Hut and operated it until 1982. Throughout the decades it was the home of hits recorded by Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, Bob Dylan, Merle Haggard, Burl Ives, George Jones, Brenda Lee, Loretta Lynn and Tammy Wynette. "I don't think Studio B compared favorably to the Quonset Hut for sound," said Harold Bradley, who still does sessions and is President of the Nashville chapter of the American Federation of Musicians (AFM 257). "The Hut was very large and my amp was at the very back of it. So I was 35 or 40 feet away from Patsy Cline when we were recording 'Crazy' there, but you could hear everything well, which was important since that was before they started using headphones in studios. "But somehow," he continued, "whether we recorded at the Quonset Hut or Studio B, the songs turned out great and I always got the guitar sound I wanted on tape." Rumble agreed that Studio B was not a remarkably designed room. "It's concrete block construction. There's nothing fancy about it. Between the engineers and the players, there was a genuine esprit de corps. They were aware that they were doing something special in Nashville and building its reputation as Music City U.S.A." The product of these historic interactions between the players, engineers, producers and vocalists, defined what would become known as the "Nashville Sound." Up to that point, Country spun on an axis of fiddle- and guitar-driven honky tonk, or the jazz-inspired beat of Western swing, or the high and lonesome strains of mountain folk or bluegrass. In the mid '50s, sales declined as rock 'n' roll lured young listeners. In response, Country record label executives signed Carl Perkins, Elvis Presley and other rockabilly artists to reach this burgeoning market, while also helping hard-edged Country acts update their sounds and adapt to changing tastes. Additionally, to appeal to the pop audience - and, as Atkins later joked, to keep their jobs - he and Bradley replaced Country's raw fiddles, weeping pedal steel guitars and down-home singing with lush string sections, cocktail piano and crooners nestled on cushions of three- and four-part harmony from vocal backing groups. In 1957 Atkins applied this formula at Studio B to produce Don Gibson's catchy "Oh, Lonesome Me." Two crossover classics, Jim Reeves' "He'll Have to Go" and The Browns' "The Three Bells," further proved the Nashville Sound's viability in the marketplace. Aside from occasional projects such as Gillian Welch's Time (the Revelator) in 2001, Studio B has been closed as an active recording center since 1977. It is, however, far from mothballed. In 2002, The Mike Curb Family Foundation purchased the studio from the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum, to which Maddox had donated the facility in the early 1990s. It is operated now by the Museum and Nashville's Belmont University as a tourist attraction and learning laboratory. Students in Belmont's Mike Curb College of Entertainment and Music Business get hands-on experience on its vintage gear, which is augmented now by a computer-based Digidesign Pro Tools system used exclusively for mixing two-track masters. "Our educational mission is not just to preserve what's here at the studio but to preserve the history of recording," explained longtime RCA Studio B Manager Michael Janas. "We literally make students relive the entire history of recording at Studio B. They start with 16-track tape. When they're ready to mix to a master, they do it to quarter-inch analog two-track tape and then to the two-channel Pro Tools system so they can see the similarities." Except for the computer, all of Studio B's gear is either original or was manufactured during its halcyon years. That includes a 1972 API recording console that is historic in its own right. It came from a mobile recording unit used for The Band's The Last Waltz, Peter Frampton's Frampton Comes Alive! and U2's Rattle & Hum, as well as concert tapings by Fleetwood Mac and Neil Young with Crazy Horse. "The music that came out of RCA Studio B in the late '50s and early '60s not only changed Country Music," reflected Janas, "it also influenced what The Beatles and countless other artists wrote and recorded. It affected how we make and listen to music in Western culture." On the Web: countrymusichalloffame.com/site/studiob.aspx Ronnie Milsap Receives Legend Award NASHVILLE, Tenn. Ronnie Milsap is the winner of the Legend Award. He was given the award at a fundraising event in Nashville. The event raised funds to provide a home away from home for teens. Some of Milsap's highlights include 40 Number-1 hits, more than 25 million records sold, and seven Grammy Awards. **** Amy's Kitchen **** "Almond Peanut Butter Squares" 1.) 1 cup sugar
2.) 1/2 cup honey 3.) 1/2 cup light corn syrup 4.) 1 cup creamy peanut butter 5.) 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 6.) 2-1/2 cups whole unblanched almonds Preparation:
Line a 9-in. square pan with
foil and butter the foil; set aside. Butter the sides of a heavy saucepan; add
the sugar, honey and corn syrup. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring
constantly. Boil, without stirring, for 2 minutes. Remove from the heat;
immediately stir in the peanut butter, vanilla and almonds. Pour into prepared
pan. Let stand at room temperature until completely cool. Cut into squares.
Individually wrap pieces in foil or waxed paper; twist
ends. Yield: about 6 dozen.
What toilets were used in medieval Europe? LAST CALL
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