The Funnies Archives Index | Subscribe | RSS
<< December24, 2007 - The Daily Funnies December29, 2007 - The Daily Funnies >>

Subject: The Daily Funnies - December26, 2007



 
 

The Funnies are strictly a double opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM




You can join The Funnies
To subscribe, Click on link below
http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies
published 5 x weekly.No censorship


From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to T
he Funnies
est.7-4-2000

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG

I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.


God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

You can join The Funnies
To subscribe, Click on link below
http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies
published 5 x weekly.No censorship


WEDNESDAY  DECEMBER 26,2007


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Don't sit back
and take what comes. Go after what you want.

Redneck Engineering

Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10-pound possum.

Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on
blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64
Pontiac GTO.

If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons
of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the
product?

A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of
the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is
2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweiser's will it take to cut the trees?

If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 at once,
what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field
rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The
porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how
many hound dogs will be killed?

A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children
place a mobile home on the man's land?

A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The
mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the
beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be
smoked during the shift?

At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how
long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to
breed a country-western singer?

A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep grade
on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average
traffic on secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a
vehicle that has a muffler?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The Crown prosecutor asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant? The defence attorney took a different approach, however. "I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?"

"English and theatre," I responded.

"Then I guess I better watch my grammar," the defence attorney quipped.

"No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting."

When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between
lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what
is essentially the same service.

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to
their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the
road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they fuck up
everything forever.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human
being.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A ventriloquist and his little dog were traveling through the country
and stopped at a farm house where the man promised the farmer he would
have the dog talk some for him if he would give them something to eat.
The farmer brought out some supper for the man and some bone scraps for
the little dog. As they were eating, the ventriloquist asked the dog,
"How do you like your supper, Carlo?" "Plenty bone but not much meat!"
the dog replied. The farmer was astounded, said, "What'll you take for
that dog?" The traveller said, "Oh, couldn't part with my dog." "I'll
give you $50 for him," the farmer said. The ventriloquist said, "What do
you think, Carlo?" And Carlo spoke back to him, "Why, that other feller
offered you $150, and now you'd sell me for just $50?" "Well, I need the
money bad, Carlo," the man said, and told the farmer he would take the
fifty if he would give him fifty more when he came back through in a
month or two. The farmer said he would, and counted out $50 for him. The
man handed the farmer the string that was tied around Carlo's neck and
told Carlo goodbye. "Are you sure you're coming back?" Carlo asked him
as he walked away. The traveller said yes he was. "Well," the dog said,
"I'm sorry you're selling me, but I'd hate to see you get gypped. I'll
not speak another word til you come back and this old fool gives you the
rest of the money."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Messiah Himself

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi
leans over and asks, "So how high can you go in your organization?"

The Priest says, "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."

"But, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.

"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might
be made an Arch Bishop," said the Priest a bit cautiously.

"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"

"Now, if all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a
Cardinal", said the priest.

"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.

Hesitating just a little bit, the Priest said "I suppose that I could be
elected Pope, but the odds there ..."

So the Rabbi interjects, "And could you be anything higher than that?
What is there higher than the Pope?"

"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"

The Rabbi leaned back, smiled, and said, "Well you know, one of our boys
made it..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A REDNECK GONE WRONG
Herbert Peach of Jackson, Kentucky bragged to his neighbors that he had
thought of a unique way of "fishing" in his backyard pond. He claimed
that if he rigged up a live electrical cable and dropped the end into
the water, the nearby fish would be shocked and he could run out and
collect them.

The problem is, it worked...up to a point. The fish were shocked on his
maiden try and so was Mr. Peach who forgot to turn off the 220 volt line
before scampering into the water to collect them. Authorities also
reported that the electrical generator used to power the " fishing
expedition" was reported as stolen from the local farm co-op.

Mr. Peach's funeral arrangements will be announced shortly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Little Joan grew up as a blonde, and married me, so you know what I have
to put up with.

The other day, She came running up, just jumping for joy! I didn't know
why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting
jumping up and down with her. She said, " Honey, I have some really
great news for you!", so I said, "Great. Tell me what you're so happy
about."

Joan stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up
and down, when she told me that she was pregnant! I was ecstatic! We had
been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and
told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

She said "Oh, honey. There's more", so I asked, "What do you mean more?"
She said, "We are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her
how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought
the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
I called the local newspaper's classified section to complain about an
ad I'd placed. It was obvious the person who took my information had
never spent any time on a farm.
      "I said 'ewes'," I argued.
      "Pardon?" replied the operator.
      "Ewes. It makes a difference to some people."

      The ad that was placed read: "Sheep for sale--USED."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Driving along an outback road in Australia, I spied an exotic bird
flying overhead. The creature was black, with a huge and striking
red-and-gold beak. "Hey, look! A toucan!" I yelled.

      "Toucan nothin'," said the Aussie passenger. "It's a crow with its
beak stuck in a McDonald's fries carton."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things I learned since Isabel
* Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill
* No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights
don't work without electricity
* My car gets 23.21675 miles per gallon, EXACTLY (you can
ask the people in line who helped me push it)
* Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game
controller in their hand.
* Cats are even more irritating without power
* He who has the biggest generator wins
* Women can actually survive without doing their hair- you
just wish they weren't around you
* A new method of non-lethal torture- showers without hot water.
* Dominion Virginia Power and VDOT (Virginia Dept. of
Transportation)are the same company- not really but their
ability to plan are strikingly similiar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please don't print city
or state to protect the guilty party's husband.

This story is too funny, but IT IS TRUE.

The wife of a co-worker was cleaning out the food pantry last Saturday.
Why she was doing this no one knows because she doesn't cook, he does.
Well, she decided the box of Minute Rice was too old to keep. Dry,
uncooked Minute Rice that keeps for years unless bugs get in it. But
she decided it was too old. SO.....................

She dumped it down the kitchen sink. With lots of water. And couldn't
understand why the sink clogged in less than 30 minutes!!

He had to take the pipes apart to get the long, jellied mass of rice
out.

No, she's not blonde.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Mike checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead
cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager
and raised a fuss.
      "Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't
bother you now."
      "The dead roach doesn't bother me." Mike said. "It's his
pallbearers and the funeral party."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You have only 2 things to worry about :

You're either rich or poor.

If you're rich, you have nothing to worry about.

If you're poor, you have 2 things to worry about :
whether you're in good health or bad.

If you're in good health, you have nothing to worry about.

If you're in bad health you may die.

If you die you have nothing to worry about.

You're either going to Heaven, or the other place.

If you go to Heaven, you have nothing to worry about.

If you go to the other place, you'll be busy greeting old friends and
you won't have time to worry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The farmer stood in his chicken yard watching hundreds of baby chicks
running here and there. He kept pointing to them and trying    to
count them. "One, two, three, four, five, six, oh, no..." then he would
start over, "one, two, three, four, and,... oh, no." Then he'd start
over again.

Finally he said, "I give up. They say don't count your chickens before
they hatch but it sure is easier to do that than it is to count them
after they hatch."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**** ON THIS DAY ****
A married couple is driving along a highway doing steady eighty
Kilometres per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly
looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.

"Darling," he says. I know we've been married for twenty years but I
want A divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly
Increases her speed to ninety kph.

The husband speaks again.

"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it" he says, "because I've
been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better
lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly
And slowly increases the speed to one hundred and ten.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.

Up to 120.

"I want the car, too," he continues.

130kph.

"AND," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and
the boat."

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete flyover. This
makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her "Isn't there anything You
want?"

The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No,I've Got
everything I need." she says.

"Oh, really?" he inquires, "So, what have you got?"

Right before they slam into the wall at 160 clicks, the wife turns to
Him and smiles.

"The airbag."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize... to people who are out standing in their field."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon links
Before It's Too Late!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny256.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny256.html">Here!</a>

Subtle Hints?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny257.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny257.html">Here!</a>

Bark Street Boys
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny258.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny258.html">Here!</a>

Forget The Woods!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny259.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny259.html">Here!</a>

Look before you...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny137.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny137.html">Here!</a>

"H-TO-O"
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny138.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny138.html">Here!</a>

A Dogs Christmas
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny139.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny139.html">Here!</a>

Moe-Shoe Pork
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny140.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny140.html">Here!</a>

REWARD!! Wanted Man!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny141.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny141.html
">Here!</a>

You can join The Funnies
To subscribe, Click on link below
http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies
published 5 x weekly.No censorship
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FREE FOOD FOR HOMELESS DOGS
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

About FreeRice
FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim


**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-24-

Lulu Belle of "Lulu Belle and Scotty," born Boone, NC 1913.

Mary Jane DeZurick, of the Cackle Sisters born 1917.

Gospel music pioneer Jake Hess born 1927.

Stoney Edwards singer/songwriter/musician, born Seminole, OK 1929.

Gene Autry recorded his hit "Mexicali Rose" 1935.

Mike Curb, born Savannah, GA 1944.

Marty Robbins released "Sometimes I'm Tempted/I Told The Brook" 1961.

Willie Nelson's home in Nashville destroyed by fire 1969.

Jimmy Dickens and Mona Evans were married 1971.

Alan Jackson, age 20, asked his future bride Denise, age 18, to marry him 1978. The couple were married on December 15, 1979, in Newnan, Georgia.

Charlie Moore, age 44, Bluegrass singer-songwriter died in 1979.

Deborah Allen's single "Baby I Lied" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 Chart 1983.

George Strait's "The Chair," topped the charts 1985.

Keith Whitley's "When You Say Nothing At All" went to #1 1988.

The new "Johnny Cash.com," debuted 2002.

-25-

Buddy Jones, recording artist/police officer, born Asheville, NC 1906. At the completion of his

recording career, Jones worked as a police officer in Shreveport, LA until his death in 1956.

Alton Delmore, born Elkmont, AL 1908.

Curly Sechler, singer/songwriter/musician, born China Grove, NC 1919.

Roy Acuff and Mildred Douglas were married in Middlesboro, KY 1936.

Jimmy Buffett, singer/songwriter, born 'James William Buffett,' Pascagoula, MS 1946.

Barbara Mandrell, "The Sweetheart of Steel," born Houston, TX 1948.

Steve Wariner born Noblesville, IN 1954.

Sixteen-year-old Priscilla Beaulieu spent Christmas at Graceland 1960.

Kimber Clayton, songwriter, born Montgomery, AL 1964.

The Osborne Brothers' "Rocky Top" charted 1967.

George Jones and Tammy Wynette's duet "Take Me," charted 1971.

The Gatlins joined the Grand Ole Opry 1976.

Alecia Elliott born Muscle Shoals, AL 1982.

Roger Bowling, age 39, songwriter, died in Wiley, GA 1982.

In 1982, three armed subjects wearing nylon stocking over their heads invaded Johnny Cash's

home in Jamaica. The Cash family and their guests, were terrorized and robbed. Before leaving

the robbers locked everyone in the basement of the home. The three men were later shot and

killed by Jamaican authorities.

Billy Nelson, age 33, son of Willie Nelson, hung himself on Christmas Day 1991.

Bear Family released Little Jimmy Dickens' "Country Boy" album 1997.

Denver Pyle, "Uncle Jesse Duke" of The Dukes of Hazzard died 1997.

Bear Family Records released Charline Arthur's "Welcome To The Club" 1998.

Bryan MacLean, age 52, died 1998. Bryan wrote Patty Loveless' hit "Don't Throw Us Away."

Hazel McCoury, age 92, mother of Del McCoury, died 2002.


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Toby Keith's family wins suit in father's death

The family of Toby Keith won a $2.8-million dollar award against a Tulsa, Okla. Company for the wrongful death and negligence of T.K. Covel,'s Keith's father,k in a March 2001 car accident.
Elias Rodriguez and Pedro Rodriguez - doing business as, Rodriguez Transportes of Tulsa and the Republic Western Insurance Company, an Arizona Corporation - were found responsible. 
 
Covel was driving a Ford truck that was traveling near Goldsby, Okla. when he was bumped by another vehicle, sending his truck across the median, where it was struck by a southbound tour (charter) bus. The Rodriguezes were in a 1996 Dina Viag charter-type bus loaded with 21 passengers at the time of the accident. They had purchased the bus in October of 2000. In the following month, November 2000, a bus servicing facility in Tulsa inspected the bus and found it was "urgently" in need of brake work. 
 
An expert witness testified that Covel would have lived if the bus has been equipped with proper brakes and the driver had been properly trained to drive the bus The evidence in the case revealed the bus driver, David Perez, was not trained to drive a commercial bus and did not have a commercial driver's license. The jury concluded the accident was "clearly avoidable," according to Keith's publicist. 
 
Initially it was speculated that Covel may have suffered a medical condition, thereby causing the accident because no one knew that a car had bumped his truck onto the other side of the I-35. Six months after the accident, Jeanne Sparlin, who was the driver of that vehicle, was charged with leaving the scene of a fatality accident. She later pled guilty to the charge. This collection of facts led the Covel family to hire an investigator to determine how the accident occurred and what caused Covel's death. 
 
The unanimous jury verdict in the case answered these questions for the family, clearly establishing that Covel was not at fault. In addition, the jury found by clear and convincing evidence that Rodriguez Transportes acted in reckless disregard for the rights of Covel. 
 
"We were only there to find the truth and the jury saw it so plainly that they awarded us a unanimous decision," Toby Keith said. 
 
The plaintiffs in the case were Covel's wife, Carolyn Covel, his daughter, Tonni Covel and sons Toby Keith Covel and Tracey Covel. 
 
Dixie Chicks's Natalie Maines appears at West Memphis 3 rally

Dixie Chicks lead singer Natalie Maines appeared at a rally Wednesday for the West Memphis 3 - three men found guilty in the 1993 murder of 3 8-year-old boys in West Memphis, Ark.
About 150 were at the rally on behalf of Damien Echols, Jessie Misskelley and Jason Baldwin. 
 
"In America you have to be proven guilty before a shadow of a doubt," said Maines. She also reported has given money to their defense fund. 
 
Maines also brought petitions to Gov. Mike Beebe's office along with Echols's wife.
 


Crystal Gayle pays tribute to guitarist Jerry McEwen


Submitted by Cindy Watts: Jerry McEwen died Tuesday when he was stabbed while attempting to thwart a purse-snatching at his neighborhood Kroger. His neighbors remember him as quiet and unassuming, but that's not what country legend Crystal Gayle recalled when she thinks of Jerry. And, she should know: At one time, he was the guitar player in her touring band, and she has known him for years.

"He was a great person and a great guitar player," Crystal said. "He was full of life and full of pranks. He would pull pranks on everybody. One week we were in Vegas, and when it came to introduce Jay Patton, who plays saxophone for me, Jerry would turn his guitar over and it said, 'Don't applaud.' And the crowd wouldn't, and it bothered (Jay) the whole week until Jerry let him know what he did. He was just someone who loved to have a lot of fun. And, of course, knowing him and what he did, I knew he would do that. He was just someone who was giving and caring."

Crystal said she heard of Jerry's passing through a phone call from Jay, and that she just wants to let his family know that she remembers Jerry as being a very special person.

"We're out there (on the road) as a family, and Jerry was definitely a part of the family," she said. "He was great. My heart is with his family, and we'll definitely miss him."

Singing for Secours

Submitted by Peter Cooper: Maura O'Connell sings at the Station Inn tonight, which should be reason enough for any of us to head to the Gulch and hear one of the world's finer vocal stylists.

Tonight's show is about more than just Maura. It will also feature two splendid multi-instrumentalists/songwriters/vocalists in Tim O'Brien and Darrell Scott, and there's a pretty good chance of a surprise guest or two as well. All of this late-December musical hubbub is due to a need to raise funds for Molly Secours, a journalist, filmmaker and activist who has been fighting various good fights for many years. These days, Molly is also fighting cancer, and her musical friends are trying to make sure she's able to continue to afford proper treatment.

"This is one of what will have to be several benefits, I imagine," Maura said. "We did one at the Belcourt in October, and the atmosphere was tremendous."


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Chocolate Snowballs

2 ounces unsweetened chocolate
2 cups graham cracker crumbs( 15 full crackers)
1 14 ounce can sweetened, condensed milk
1 cup unsweetened coconut for rolling

Melt chocolate over a double boiler. Set aside to cool.

While cooling, crumble graham crackers by rolling between two sheets of
waxed paper with rolling pin. Set aside.

Pour condensed milk into a medium bowl. Stir in cooled chocolate. Mix
well.

Stir in graham cracker crumbs.

Shape into 1 inch balls and roll in coconut. Freeze immediately on
unbuttered cookie sheets. Best eaten while frozen

Yield: 4 dozen


Classic Beef Roast with Herb-shallot Sauce

1 beef rib eye roast, small end (4 to 6 pounds)
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme (divided)
2 tablespoons garlic-pepper seasoning
2 tablespoons minced shallot
1 cup dry red wine
2 teaspoons country Dijon-style mustard
1 tablespoon butter, room temperature
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Combine 2 tablespoons of the thyme and the garlic-pepper seasoning;
press onto beef roast.

Place roast, fat side up, on rack in shallow roasting pan. Insert
ovenproof meat thermometer so tip is centered in thickest part of beef,
not resting in fat. Do not add water or cover. Roast in preheated oven
1? to 2 hours for medium-rare (remove at 135 degrees); 2 to 2? hours for
medium doneness (remove at 150 degrees). Let stand 15 minutes.
(Temperature will rise to 145 degrees for medium-rare; 160 degrees for
medium.)

Skim fat from drippings. Combine drippings, shallot and remaining 2
teaspoons thyme in medium saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring, 2
to 3 minutes or until shallot is crisp-tender. Add wine and mustard;
simmer 8 to 10 minutes or until sauce is reduced to ? cup. Stir in
butter; season with salt and pepper. Carve roast; season with salt.
Serve with sauce. Makes 6 to 8 servings.


**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

How much money goes unclaimed in state lotteries?

censored by Zinester


****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Ya think last year was bad ?
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.


LAST CALL Y'ALL
I hope y'all had a good Christmas.Libby is back to normal,Thank GOD.Her grand daughter Skylee is a very special handful, but as pretty and sweet as can be.She is in the terrible twos at present.Her momma,Alison has done such a great job with her.We will have another in about three weeks,Jims wife is due soon,the family just keeps growing.
It was all topped off with a visit from the jolly old fat man in the red suit,me.Of course Skylee was scared of Santa this Year,but every one else got their picture taken with him.Oh Well, I'll just put my suit away till next year..........Jim /Pap /Santa

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
I've learned that the prayer I need to say most often is, "Lord, please keep
your arm around my shoulder and your hand Over My Mouth."
AND I'LL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. 
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME  

The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.

Our features are intended to be for entertainment only.

Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer.
~
GOD BLESS
AMERICA
   ~ 
To subscribe, Click on a link below

http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies
~
To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list
click on link at the end of this mailing
~
Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004
Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or
comments at:
JIM4615@JOINK.COM
or
Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list


God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE

Scanned by Avast
virus protection12293
~
Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com












<< December24, 2007 - The Daily Funnies December29, 2007 - The Daily Funnies >>
The Funnies Archives Index | Subscribe | RSS
Google
 
Web http://archives.zinester.com
Archives powered by Zinester's Mailing List Service
Details on The Funnies
Browse for more newsletters at Zinester's Ezine Directory
Managed by Zinester's Mailing List Management