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The Funnies are
strictly a Double opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM  From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000 "Friends are God's
way of taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG I always know God won't give me more than I can
handle,
I am sending this early because For..... Seasoned Citizen's New Year's Resolutions To be awake more than asleep To remember the names of my Kid's and Grandkid's To see my family...more often than my Doctor To learn a new game besides Bingo Not To say "Whipper Snapper" Not To say "In my day..." To spend more time on the computer than the toilet To learn to pronounce the names of each blasted pill I have to take To stop calling my spouse "Old Woman ... or Old Man " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The rules at a particular university were such that if the professor were not present in the classroom by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered a "walk" and the students were free to leave - with no penalties for missing a class. The rooms were equipped with the type wall clocks that "jumped" ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. As it were, these clocks were also not of the most sophis- ticated construction. Some enterprising student discovered that if one were to hit the clock with chalkboard erasers, it would cause the clock to "jump" ahead 1 minute. It became almost daily practice for these students to take target practice at the clock (as it would have it, this particular professor was not the most punctual, and the students considered him severely "absent-minded"). A few well aimed erasers, and lo, 15 minutes were passed, and class dismissed itself. Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled into the room, passed out the exams, and told them "You have 1 hour to complete". The professor then proceeded to collect the erasers from around the room, gleefully taking aim at the clock. When he had successfully "jumped" the clock forward 1 hour, he closed the class and collected the exam papers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I remember the story about the old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do- and he didn't seem overly concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the boy's room and placed on his study table these three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey... "Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no- good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be." The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came in the house whistling and headed back to his room. He deposited his books on the bed, as a matter of routine, and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. What he finally did was, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink... "Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "He's gonna be a politician!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why computers and toddlers are alike 1) They have limited memory 2) You must tell them specifically what you want them to do 3) You must repeat instructions several times 4) There is no guarantee they will do as you want them to 5) They lose things 6) Adding items can be difficult 7) Networking is unpredictable and problematic 8) They throw temper tantrums ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On a particularly hectic day, an X-ray technician at a busy hospital instructed a patient to go into the change room and put on a gown from the stack folded on the bench. When the patient didn't come out, he knocked on the door. "Are you okay, sir?" "None of these gowns fit!" the man complained. "It doesn't need to fit perfectly, sir. It's just to cover you while we take the X ray." "But I can't even put it on!" came the indignant reply. The tech opened the door to help the patient and discovered the stack on the bench was freshly laundered pillowcases. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Was working on my lawn mower the other day and was washing parts in a pan of gas when my dog ran up and started licking up the gas. The fool, I thought , he had a pan of water near by and why the gas. I was telling a friend of mine about the little fellow doing all this and he was really concerned. Well anyway the dog began choking and then ran round and round for about 10 minutes, then he suddenly fell over on the ground. That is when my friend butted in and asked was the dog dead, I turned to him and replied, "No, he just ran out of gas." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Our 13 year old niece spent last night with us. When we dropped her off at home, my sister-in-law asked how she behaved. "She was an angel," I informed her. "Really?" she questioned. "Yes, really. A perfect angel." I assured her. "I just don't understand. Whenever she is with you she is well behaved. Whenever she is at home, she is a monster. She misbehaves for everyone else. In fact, the teachers at her school drew straws to see who would be stuck with her in their class. How come she always behaves for you?" My sister in law asked. "I don't know. I guess I just have a way with children. I also try to educate them as well. A child is never to young to learn." I answered. "What do you mean. What did you teach her?" She inquired. "Well, for instance, children need to learn about death and dying so they better understand this process. I explained this concept very carefully to her." I informed my sister-in-law. "Really? You explained this to her at 13?" She asked dumbfounded. "Well actually she was much younger when I explained this. She now understands death perfectly. Which is good, because it makes threatening her with it, much more effective." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** ON THIS DAY **** At midnight we welcome a new year, a new opportunity. With a new year comes a starting point, a time to change a wrong behavior.. Make a resolution this year to be a better you. Make a resolution this year to make more time for family, friends, yourself, and most importantly Jesus. Make a resolution this year to love fully and openly. Make a resolution this year to be the person Jesus knows you can be. This is your year make the most of it! May your year be filled with love and joy and blessings from the Lord! Happy New Year! Nancy ~~~~~~ Knowing you're my friend You've given friendship meaning in a way that's all your own with the special gifts and talents that you possess alone. And I know that of the blessings I could hope for life to send, none could make me happier than knowing you're my friend. Author Unknown ~~~~~~~~~~ Today's links Happy New Year...Flash http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ About FreeRice FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site http://www.freerice.com/about.html Poverty.com No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim **** COUNTRY CALENDAR **** "January" -1-1909 - Frank Delaney Kettering 1909~1973, of the "The Hoosier Hot Shots," was born in Monmouth, Illinois. 1924 - Esco Hankins 1924~1990, singer, songwriter, guitarist, and recording artist born in Union Country, Tennessee. Esco was often referred to as a Roy Acuff sound-alike. 1928 - Ernie
Chaffin 1928~1997, Sun Records rockabilly artist, born in Water Valley,
Mississippi. 1939 - Three members of Roy Acuff’s Smokey Mountain Boys, quit the band today. They were replaced, before the following weekend’s appearance on the Grand Ole Opry. Jake Tindell, Lonnie Wilson, and Beecher "Pete" Kirby, who we now know as "Bashful Brother Oswald," were the new members. 1950 - Jim Wolverton 1895~1950, banjo player for the Leake County Revelers died on his 55th birthday. The Revelers were one of Mississippi's most popular string bands in the 1920's. 1951 - R.C. Coin BMG recording artist was born Richard Carey Coin in San Antonio, Texas. 1953 - Hank Williams 1923~1953, age 29, died today, or yesterday in the back seat of his baby blue 1952 Cadillac convertible. Hank was pronounced dead at Oak Hill General Hospital in Virginia, however, the exact location, or even the state in which he died is unknown. Hank was inducted into the CMHF in 1961, the NSHF in 1970, and the R&RHF. Hank Williams was laid to rest in the Oakwood Annex Cemetery, Montgomery, Alabama. A few years later Hank's children had Audrey's body exhumed, and reburied next to Hank. 1956 - Sun Records released Carl Perkins self-penned first chart record "Blue Suede Shoes." The single went to #1 and remained on the country charts for 24 weeks. This recording is now a Grammy Hall of Fame song. Johnny Cash told Carl backstage at a concert that Blue Suede Shoes would make a great title for a song. Carl went home and wrote the song before he went to bed. 1957 - Moon Mullican 1909~1967, died of a heart attack on New Years Day at the age of 57. He was known as the "King Of The Hillbilly Piano Players," and became a member of the Grand Ole Opry in 1951. It was Hank Williams who first brought Moon to the Opry. 1959 - Elvis Presley wrecked his car on Germany’s infamous Autobahn. The soldier survived the crash but his BMW was not so fortunate. 1959 - Johnny
Cash performed for the prisoners at San Quentin for the first time. One of the
1960 - Billy
Walker became a member of the Grand Ole Opry. He remained a member until the day
he died in a traffic accident while returning to Nashville after a concert date
in Alabama in 2006. 1961 - The
Porter Wagoner TV Show aired their first broadcast. 1963 - The Johnny Cash Show returned to San Quentin for another show. 1964 - Hank Williams Jr., age 14, released his version of his father’s hit "Long Gone Lonesome Blues," on the 11th anniversary of his father’s death. (His mother’s idea and Audrey even scheduled a concert date for the same day at the venue where his father was traveling to when he died). 1964 - Future "Nashville Songwriter’s Hall of Fame" member Tom T. Hall moved to Nashville with a guitar, forty-six dollars, and a dream. 1966 - Ralph Emery returned to WSM, after quitting the station two years earlier. Tex Ritter joined Ralph as co-host of the "Opry Star Spotlight," for the next sixteen months. 1967 - Moon Mullican 1909~1967, age 57, "The King Of The Hillbilly Piano Players" died today in Beaumont, Texas. Moon became a member of the Grand Ole Opry in 1951. It was Hank Williams who first brought this very talented man to the stage of the Opry. 1967 - Buck Owens was a featured guest at the Rose Bowl’s Parade of Roses. 1970 - Wanda Jackson made her debut appearance on Hee Haw. 1970 - Floyd "Salty" Holmes 1909~1970, of "The Prarie Ramblers" died at age 60. 1971 - Tom T. Hall joined the Grand Ole Opry for the first time. He would quit the Opry in 1974 when the move was made to the new Opry House at Opryland. Tom rejoined in the Opry in 1980 after Ernest Tubb told him he needed to come back where he belonged. 1971 - Dickie McBride 1914~1971, recording artist, guitarist, and Western Swing bandleader died at the age of 56. 1972 - Charlie Pride’s RCA Victor single "Kiss An Angel Good Mornin’" was the #1 country song in America. Hall of Fame songwriter Ben Peters wrote the song and it spent 5 weeks at the top of the charts. This was Charlie's 17th country hit on Billboards Country chart. 1974 - The Porter Wagoner TV Show aired their last program. 1992 - Dwight Yoakam fell off the horse he was riding in the Rose Bowl Parade, after the saddle strap broke. No injuries were reported, and horse and rider were continuing down a Pasadena street within minutes of the mishap. 1996 - William Lee Golden rejoined the Oak Ridge Boys. The group had fired Golden in 1987. 1997 - Townes Van Zandt 1944~1997, age 52, singer, songwriter, and guitarist died at his home in Mount Juliet, Tennessee, today of heart failure. Townes Van Zandt was laid to rest in Dido Cemetery, Dido, Texas. 2001 - John Jarrad 1953~2001, age 47, songwriter, died in a Nashville today as the result of respiratory failure. John had suffered for years from diabetes, and was blind, lost both kidneys and both legs to the disease prior to his death. 2003 - Alabama began their American Farewell Tour in Las Vegas. 2005 - Jo Dee Messina’s Curb single "My Give A Damn’s Busted" hit the Billboard Country chart. Joe Diffie, Tony Martin, and Tom Shapiro wrote the song, and it spent 2 weeks at #1, and a total of 25 weeks on the chart. This was Jo Dee's 18th chart single, and her 6th #1. 2007 - Del Reeves 1933~2007, age 73, died at home in Centerville, Tennessee. Del charted 55 country hits on Billboards Country chart, and was a member of the Grand Ole Opry for 41 Years ****
COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Dolly Parton plans world tour Monday, December 31, 2007 – Dolly Parton will launch a tour in late February promoting her new self-released disc. Parton's "Backwood Barbie World Tour 2008/2009" also will hit England later this year. "Backwoods Barbie" will be
available digitally and at retail on Feb. 5. This is Parton's first album of
mainstream country music in 17 years and features the new single and video
"Better Get To Livin'." Parton wrote nine of the songs on the CD and co-produced
with bandleader and guitarist Kent Wells.
In advance of the tour, Parton will
perform at three special club shows: Feb. 4 at The Roxy in Los Angeles, Feb. 11
at Park West in Chicago and Feb. 13 at Highline Ballroom in New York City. These
shorter shows will include songs from the new album as well selections from her
catalog. Tickets will only be available through www.dollypartonmusic.net and
supporting radio stations (KKGO in Los Angeles and US99.5 in
Chicago).
Tour dates are:
Feb 28
Minneapolis Northrup
Aud.
Career: A job that has
gone on for way too long.Feb 29 Chicago Chicago Theater Mar 3 Pittsburgh Benedum Center Mar 5 Boston Opera House Mar 7 New York Radio City Mar 9 Uncasville, CT Mohegan Sun Mar 11 Fairfax, VA Patriot Center Mar 12 Atlanta Fox Theater Jun 13 Stockholm, Sweden Stockholm Stad Jun 14 Malmo, Sweden Malmo Stadium Jun 22 Kilkenny, Ireland Nowlan Park Jun 24 Belfast, N. Ireland Odyssey Arena Jun 27 Glasgow, Scotland SECC Jun 28 Manchester, England MENA Jun 29 Glasgow, Scotland SECC Jul 1 Nottingham, England Arena Jul 2 Birmingham, England NIA Jul 4 Cardiff, Wales Arena Jul 5 London, England O2 Jul 6 London, England O2 An interesting story, Well worth the read Nashville 1959 By Gordon Brown, Founder, NE Country Music Historical Society About the writer: Gordy’s introduction to country music came at age 15 in 1954. He had been brought up on gospel music in the First Church of the Nazarene in New Bedford, Mass. When the church began a Sunday night half-hour program, he got interested in broadcasting and began working part time at station WNBH AM & FM in his hometown. On Saturday nights a DJ by the name of Norm Rapoza was airing a 3 hour show called Hillbilly Guest House. Gordy began helping him by answering the phones, taking requests and looking for records. When Norm left to work at another station, Gordy took over the show. But a lifetime love of country music and a 30-year career in radio and television, mostly in engineering and production, had begun. Thank GOD & Greyhound, I’m on my way Just after my 20th birthday in September 1959, I hoped on a bus for a 24 hour trip to Nashville to see the Grand Ole Opry to get better acquainted with the artists I had been playing on the radio. As the bus pulled into Knoxville, TN, just over the Cumberland Mountains from Music City USA, I woke up and found my head resting on the shoulder of the lady seated next to me. I apologized but she said she had also been sleeping and it was no problem. I arrived in Nashville late on a Thursday afternoon, checked into the hotel next to the National Life & Accident Insurance Building and tried to catch up on my sleep but had my 9-transistor radio turned on, listening to WSM AM 650. Ralph Emery’s Opry Star Spotlight show came on later that evening. He was playing the latest country records and chatting with some the stars who dropped in to plug their latest records. He had been doing this show for the past two years I found out later. With all this going on right next door, I could not get any sleep so I got up and strolled on over. The guard at the National Life Building directed me to the elevator that would take me up to the studios and the home station of the World Famous Grand Ole Opry. I finally found large Studio A and stood in the doorway. "Howdy, Hoss. What’s your name?" Ralph asked as he looked my way. I told him and was invited to come in and sit down next to his control board. When the record ended, he introduced me as a "young disc jockey from New Bedford, Mass-a-tu-sits…" This was some big jump for me…from a 250 local wattage station back home to being on a 50,000 watts clear channel station. I did not consider myself an announcer, just a young kid having fun with country music. So without having written ahead or being introduced to him by anyone, Ralph interviewed me on the air for about 15 minutes. I have no idea what questions he asked or what we talked about and regret I don’t have a recording of it. I did take notes on who I met while in the country music capital and glad I did. That night I met the Wilburn Brothers, Roger Miller and other stars who dropped in. One of the Wilburn’s went to the WSM library and brought me a copy of their latest 45 record which became my first souvenir of Nashville. Around one or 1:30 in the morning, Ralph’s show took a break for a half hour religious program and Ralph said, "Come on, let’s go get some coffee," I don’t remember who else was with us, but we went to a little coffee shop a few blocks from the studios. On the way back to the station, Ralph looked in his rear-view mirror and said, "I think that’s Del Wood following us." And sure enough, the honky-tonk piano player followed us right into the studio parking lot and into the building. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was going to attend the Opry on Saturday night and, of course, I said I was. She said she didn’t have any pictures with her but she’d be sure and have one for me then. I thanked her and thought to myself "she’ll never remember." A little later I went into the control room to see what a big city station had for equipment. The engineer on duty also asked if I was going to the Opry and I said, "I didn’t come all the way down here to miss it." He told me was engineering the first half and for me to meet him at the stage door to the Ryman around 6 o’clock and I could go in with him. Well, I wasn’t gonna let that opportunity pass me by. So I had purchased a 50 cent General Admission ticket when I first arrived in Nashville, I never had to use it. The $1.60 Reserved Seats were sold out long before I got there. What? No tourist traps? The next day, I bought a Grand Ole Opry History Picture Book, Vol. 1, #2 so I could see who were Opry members and who were not. I put my note papers in it and glad I did. My next stop was at Tree Publishing Company where I met a young Bill Anderson, just starting out in the business. He wasn’t an Opry member yet, but he was the first to sign my book. He would become a member of the Opry a couple of years later and a Hall of Fame member many years after. As of this writing I now have over 40 autographs in that old book including some pickers and stars of the Wheeling Jamboree. Bill gave me a copy of his new 45 record, "Ninety-Nine Years" and a couple of Decca albums including, "Webb" by Webb Pierce. Another stop was at the Hank Snow Music Center located at 810 Church Street. Here I ordered a Colonel-type bow tie with my name and station call letters in red spangles on blue and, a Hank Snow Easy Method of Playing Spanish Guitar course. Tootsie’s Orchard Lounge and the Ernest Tubb Record Shop on Broadway were the only other "tourist traps" in town, outside of Fort Nashboro that I knew of at this time. And somewhere I purchased a beautiful turquoise blue cowboy hat just like the ones the Flatt & Scruggs group was wearing at the time. Frolicing with the stars That evening, the Friday Night Frolics show was being broadcast live and recorded for syndication as the Pet Milk Grand Opry. This mini-Grand Ole Opry show was put on in WSM’s large Studio C with an audience of two or three hundred, I think. The Friday Night Opry began just a couple of years earlier, I later learned. Sometime before the show, Ralph introduced me to announcer Grant Turner in the hallway. Grant introduced me to the Louvin Brothers and Grandpa Jones. Grant asked if I had scheduled any interviews with the stars. I told him I hadn’t even thought of doing that. He looked down the hall and called out, "Hey, Miss Kitty!" The Queen of Country music, not yet in her stage outfit, but she came over to us and Grant asked if she would be willing to do an interview with me. She said she would and that she’d ask Johnny & Jack and join us after their part of the show. So after their segment, Grant brought me into another studio with two telephones. I got the DJ back in New Bedford to set up a tape to record this, my first interview. So with Kitty Wells, her husband Johnny Wright, his cousin Jack Anglin and Gordon Stoker, leader of the Jordanaires on one phone and me on the other, we chatted for a little while. I have a very poor quality tape of that somewhere. They must have had a good laugh over this young DJ from Massa-tu-sits who had never done anything like that before. Others on that Friday night show included Bill Monroe, Hank Snow, June Carter, The Carlisles, Ferlin Husky, Billy Grammar, Del Wood, Carl Butler and Jimmie Newman. Saturday night at the GRAND OLE OPRY At about 6 p.m. on Saturday, I went to the Ryman’s stage door and met the engineer I’d met at the studios on Thursday. We went up to the control room located on the balcony level behind the big red curtain—the only part of the Ryman with air conditioning and I got to enjoy my first Grand Ole Opry in real comfort. My favorite artists back then were Hank Snow and his Rainbow Ranch Boys and Lester Flatt, Earl Scruggs and the Foggy Mountain Boys and I got to seem them both live for the first time in my life along with many other now legends of the Opry. After Del Wood finished her honky-tong number, I stepped out of the control room and leaned over the balcony to get her attention. Remember, she had told me she’d have a picture for me? Well, she had not forgotten. Looking up she stage whispered, "Gordy, come on down here. I’ve got something for you." When I got there she reached in her purse and pulled out an 8X10 which was already autographed to me. This was my first autographed picture and, of course, I still have it. I stood there awhile amidst the hustle and bustle of stars coming and going from the stage—Billy Grammar whose record "Gotta Travel On" was hitting the top of the charts was there. My idol, Hank Snow was there. And the legendary Cousin Minnie Pearle was there. I was told she always stayed in the wings ready to fill in for any star that didn’t make it to the show or back from Tootsie’s in time. And of course, all the others who had been on the Friday Night Frolics were there. I guess I was star struck as I got no more autographs on this trip and didn’t talk to anyone else backstage. All night long, the engineer handed me the scripts from the evening’s show—all the commercials, station breaks and introductions to the acts. Unfortunately, they are long gone, along with that beautiful cowboy hat, the Colonel bow tie and the Hank Snow guitar course. After the Opry, I hurried over to the Ernest Tubb Record Shop for the Midnight Jamboree. Being a short fella, I couldn’t see much as I stood in the crowd and don’t remember who was on the show that night. I do know it was not Ernest as he was out on tour. I remember that trip as if it was yesterday, but it will soon be fifty years. I was treated real well, even though I was just a local DJ from Yankee land. After those very busy few days, I slept on just about the whole bus ride back to Massachusetts. After I returned to New Bedford, new station management changed the format to Rock ‘n Roll and I lost the country show with no chance to ask for write-ins to support keeping it on. My show was recorded on Thurs. afternoons for playback on Saturday night, and the bad news came to me on Friday. But I took most of the country music library—78’s, 45’s, and LP’s with me—and that became the start of my record collecting hobby. I didn’t get back to Nashville again until 1988, twenty-nine years later. That’s when I got inspired to start the New England Country Music Historical Society and really put my interest in our New England history to work. But that’s a whole other story. **** Amy's Kitchen **** Closed tonight, don't wanna poison anyone **** TODAY'S USELESS FACT **** How do you know when to use "who" or "whom" in a
sentence?
Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are
believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright
on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection ~ Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com |
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