Young Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she called Jim, the
computer guy, over to her desk.
Jim clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
And he replied, "It was an I.D Ten T Error."
A puzzled _expression ran riot over Judy's face.
"An I.D Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??"
He gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error
before?"
"No," replied Judy.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to squash a rumor is like trying to un-ring a bell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old age is no place for sissies
One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor.

One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it."

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it."

"You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it, otherwise I won't know where to get off."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam was walking outside of the Garden of Eden with Cane and Abel when the boys were young. Cane and Abel looked into the garden and viewed waterfalls, lovely birds, lush forests and fruit trees bending over because of the large amounts of fruit on them.

Then they took a long look at where they lived at. It was dry, dusty with weeds and sickly-looking trees.

"Daddy? Why don't we live in there instead of out here?" they asked innocently.

Adam said, "Well sons. Eve and I use to live in there at one time. But your mother ate us out of house and home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, a blonde traveler was asked by a security agent if she had any change in her pockets.

"Gee," the blonde says, turning towards her husband, I told you we should of gone to Florida instead.....everyone here expects to be tipped."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start an experiment with worms.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol - dead.
Second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
Third worm in sperm - dead.
Fourth worm in soil - alive.

So the Science teacher asked the class -

"What can you learn from this experiment."
Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My roommate, Tom, who had never dated much, finally had a chance to take out one of the school's prettiest young women. However, the event caught him by surprise, and he had no money. He quickly sent off a telegram to his recently divorced father; "Have date. Send money" Back came the answer; "Have money. Send date."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, "What would you do if a sailor was washed overboard?"

"I'd yell 'Man overboard,'" answered the lookout snappily.

"Good," said the officer. "Now what would you do if an officer fell overboard?"

The lookout asked, "Which one, sir?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A trucker stops for red light and a blonde girl catches up. She knocks
on the door and the trucker lowers the window. The girl says, "Hi, my
name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker
ignores her and proceeds down the street. The trucker stops for another
red light and the girl again catches up. She knocks on the door and the
trucker lowers the window and she says, "Hi my name is Heather and you
are losing some of your load!" He ignores her again and continues down
the street.

The trucker stops for still another red light and the girl catches up
again all out of breath. She knocks on the door and the trucker lowers
the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing
some of your load!"

He dismisses her and starts off down the street, then stops. The trucker
gets out of the truck, approaches the blond girl and says: "Hi, my name
is Kevin and I am driving a SALT TRUCK!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a teenage boy who worked in the produce section of the local
market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy
said he would go ask his manager about the matter. So he walked into the
back and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half
a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to
find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this here
gentleman wants to buy the other half..."

The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself
in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way
you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that
around here. Where are you from son?"

The boy replied, "Canada, Sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.

The boy replied, "They're all just up-tight homely women and hockey
players up there."

"Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!"

The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At her father's wake, a woman told her priest that ever since she was a
child she and her father had discussed life after death. They had agreed
that whomever went first would contact the other. They had discussed
this again just two weeks before his death.

He died in her home and a few days after his death the smoke alarm in
her garage went off. She had lived there 28 years and it had never gone
off before. She couldn't turn it off so she called the security company
that installed it.

The next morning the smoke alarm sounded again and the reason finally
dawned on her. She said aloud, "Ok dad, I missed the signal yesterday
but I get it now! Thanks for letting me know that you are safe on the
other side. Now turn the thing off so I don't have to call the security
company again." The alarm fell silent.

She immediately called her priest to tell him the good news. His
response: "Dear lady, if every time your father sends you a message he
sets off the smoke alarm, just where in H*ll do you think he's calling
from?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and
said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to
talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your
family?" "Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it 15 to 2."
~~~~~~~~~

 

**** ON THIS DAY ****
FIRST DAY

Remembering back
to the first day we met,
I had been for a swim
I was still very wet

You offered me your towel
to help me get dry,
I took it gladly
without wondering why

You sat down beside me
we began to talk,
then you suggested
we go for a walk

Now a long time has passed
as with many many mile,
the day has finally come
when we walk down the aisle

© abritelite
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EVERGREEN

It seems like forever
that I've been sitting here,
gazing upon the waters
that runs crystal clear

As it trickles through my toes
that dangle over the side,
I watch a leaf float by
taking butterflies for a ride

The birds in the distance
are mating or making nest,
there is a deafening silence
as the world takes its rest

The light from the stars
and the moon up above,
with a radiance of colour
show the meaning of love

I could stay here forever
in this quiet autumn serene,
watching autumn's nature grow
in this beautiful evergreen

© abritelite
***
When my hair is thin and silvered,
And my time of toil is through,
When I've many years behind me,
And ahead of me, just a few.

I shall want to sit, I reckon,
Sort of dreaming in the sun,
And recall the roads I've travelled,
And the many things I've done.

I hope there'll be no pictures
That I'll hate to loook upon,
When the time to paint it better,
Or to wipe it out, is gone.

I hope there'll be no vision,
Of a hasty word I've said,
That has left a trail of sorrow,
Like a whip welt, sore and red.

And I hope my old age dreaming
Will bring back no bitter scene,
Of a time when I was selfish,
Or a time when I was mean.

When I'm getting old and feeble,
And I'm far along life's way;
I don't want to sit regretting...
Any bygone yesterday.

I am painting now the picture
That I'll want someday to see;
I am filling in a canvas,
That will soon come back to me.

Though nothing great is on it,
And though nothing there is fine;
I shall want to look it over,
When I'm old, and call it mine.

So I do not dare to leave it,
While the paint is warm and wet,
With a single thing upon it,
That I later will regret!

~Author unknown...
**************************
Todays links:
The Greatest MistakeI Never Made
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/THEGREATESTMISTAKE.HTML

Hello God Via Patricia
http://gospelman.info/christian/HelloGOD.html

Take Me Back To The Fifties Via Rose
http://oldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheFifties.htm

Prosterity and Health
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/prosperityhealth.html

Mystery Revealed
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/mysteryrevealed.html

Network/Computer Glossery
http://www.wtcs.org/snmp4tpc/glossary.htm

Whether a man winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg
depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries