|
The Funnies Archives Index
|
Subscribe
|
|
| << January04, 2008 - The Funnies |
January06, 2008 - The Funnies >> |
|
The Funnies are
strictly a Double opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM  From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000 "Friends are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG I always know God won't give me more than I can
handle,
SATURDAY JANUARY 5,2008 As you may know, the Albuquerque housing market is becoming as tight as the one in Denver. My friend Chuck, after
searching for months, found
the perfect place. Family neighborhood, garden/lawn, etc. The problem was, he has a dog, and the landlord specified
"No dogs." Rather than go
on searching, he decided to go stealth, and not
tell the landlord about
his dog (a golden retriever). All went well for
months. Except for one
thing. The family that lived downstairs had a
rabbit that they kept in a
cage in the garden area. One day, the father of
the family walked into
the garden to find the dog scratching at the
cage, trying to get at the
rabbit.
He immediately went to the landlord and
complained. The landlord
threatened to kick Chuck out. But Chuck, being
quite persuasive and
punctual with rent checks convinced the landlord
to keep him and his dog
on the condition that that Chuck keep his dog
out of the garden area.
Months went by with no incidence. However, his
girlfriend stayed home
sick at his place one day. She, not knowing the
garden rule, let the dog
out. Chuck came home and, to his dismay, found
that the dog wasn't in
the house. He opened the back door, and there at
the steps was his dog.
Dead rabbit in mouth. Needless to say, Chuck
panicked. Not wanting to
face certain eviction and possible jail time, he
took matters into his
own hands.
He bathed the dead rabbit, blow-dried its hair
(OK, he was desperate)
and carefully placed the rabbit back in the
cage. Natural causes, right?
Nothing happened. After an excruciating week, he
finally approached his
neighbor one morning on the way to work. "How is
everything?" asked
Chuck.
"We're moving" replied the man. "This is a sick
neighborhood."
"Why? What happened?" replied
Chuck.
The neighbor replied, "Some sick person dug up
our recently deceased
rabbit, washed it, combed its hair, and put it
back in its
cage."
================================================= When my wife had to rush to the hospital
unexpectedly, she
asked me to bring her a few items from home. One
item on
her list was "comfortable underwear."
Not sure what she considers comfortable, I
asked, "How will
I know which ones to pick?"
"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she
answered. "If you
smile, put them
back."
================ A most frustrated fellow was the man who bought
a new boom-
erang and had a terrible time throwing the old
one away. ================= Finding one of her students making faces at the
others
on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped quickly
to
reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher
said,
"Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I
made
ugly faces, it would freeze and it would stay
like
that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs.
Smith,
you can't say you weren't
warned." ============================= If you love something. . . If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be
yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin
with.
If it just sits in your living room, messes up
your stuff,
eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you
actually
set it free in the first place - you either married it or gave birth to
it! ================================= So you think you know what most computer acronyms really mean? Think again. CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in
Months
IBM
I Blame Microsoft, I Bought
Macintosh
PCMCIA
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry
Acronyms
ISDN
It Still Does Nothing
APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing
Entity
DEC
Do Expect Cuts
CA
Constant Acquisitions
OS/2
Obsolete Soon Too,
SCSI
System Can't See It
DOS
Defunct Operating System
BASIC
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry
Control
WWW
World Wide Wait
============== I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle, when I
noticed Bill Gates sitting on the couch enjoying a drink. I
was meeting a very important client that was also flying to
Seattle with me, but she was running a bit late.
Being the fairly forward person I am, I approached Mr. Gates
and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting
some very important business, and how I would really appreciate
it if he could throw a quick 'Hello Chris' at me while I was
with my client. He agreed.
Ten minutes later when I was conversing with my client, I felt
a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and
looked up at him.
He said "Hey Chris, what's happening?"
I replied, "Beat it, Gates. I'm in a
meeting." ================================== A man from the East Coast is visiting California for the first
time, and is conversing with a California native. He says,
"I'll be visiting La Jolla (lah-JOLL-a) next week," whereupon
the Californian replies, "Oh, you mean, 'La-*HOY-a'?"
"Oh. Yeah, I guess so." Then he adds, "but right now I'm staying
in El Cajon (el-ca-JOHN)," and again the Californian corrects
him, "You mean, El Ca 'HONE'?"
"Oh. Yeah, right."
Then the Californian asks, "So when will you be returning home?"
The East Coast guy thinks about it for a minute and then
answers, "Oh, I don't know, I guess sometime in 'HUNE' or
'HULY'." ========= A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"
"Yes, it is," came the reply.
"Thank God! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my
finger to the phone." =============== Betty, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the
town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's
business.
Most local residents were unappreciative of her activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence. However,
she made a mistake when she recently accused Ted, a local
man, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck
parked outside the town's only bar one afternoon.
Ted, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and
walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck
in front of her house and left it there all
night. ====================================== **** NEWS WORTHY NOTES **** MOSQUITO REPELLENT PASSES TEST
A study of insect repellents indicates those containing the
chemical DEET work better and longer in protecting against
mosquito bites. In the study, reported in The New England
Journal of Medicine, Dr. Mark Fradin and Jonathan Day of
the University of Florida Medical Entomology Laboratory in
Vero Beach tested four products containing DEET, seven
botanical products incorporating other repellents, a new
chemical repellent, a skin moisturizer claiming to offer
insect protection and three repellent wristbands. "Only
products containing DEET are dependable for long-lasting
protection after a single application," Fradin and Day
wrote. While the study focused on mosquitoes, previous
research has shown DEET's effectiveness against ticks,
which carry Lyme disease and other illnesses, said indus-
try spokesperson Susan Little. In addition to using repel-
lents, for best protection, wear light-colored, long-
sleeved clothing and avoid the peak times for mosquito
activity -- dawn and dusk, Day said. DEET works by con-
fusing mosquitoes and other biting pests' ability to hone
in on the carbon dioxide that attracts them to humans and
other mammals, he said. Developed by the U.S. Army in
1946, DEET (chemical name, N,N-diethyl-meta-toluamide)
is the active ingredient in some 230 products made by 70
companies, according to the Environmental Protection
Agency.
***TODAY'S LITTLE KNOWN FACTS *** Despite the many rat-infested slums in New York City,
rats bite only 311 people in an average year. But 1,519
residents are bitten annually by other New
Yorkers.
Wilbur F. Young, invented Absorbine Liniment for the treatment
of HORSES in 1892. As the popularity of Absorbine Liniment
grew, farmers began to realize that this product helped humans
too. Wilbur created a liquid for human use and introduced a
sister product, Absorbine Jr.® Antiseptic Liniment, in
1903
~~~~~
Socrates, one of the most famous Greek philosophers, never
wrote down a single word of his teachings. The only knowledge
we have of his thinking today comes from the notes taken by
his great student, Plato.
~~~~~
During the California Gold Rush of 1849, miners sent their
laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the
extremely high costs in California during these boom
years
it was deemed more feasible to send the shirts to Hawaii
for servicing. (They waited WEEKS for clean laundry,
no
wonder the men couldn't find a wife!!)
~~~~~
Most Embarrassing Moments A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth
hole,
a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water.
Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit
somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk
off the course.
Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his
buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs.
When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins
to
walk off the course.
Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"
He responds, "I left my car keys in the
bag." *********************************************** Today's Links:
Computer Jigsaw Puzzles
200 Dog Names
BBC on-line
On-line Encyclopedias and Dictionaries
Telephone Area Code Finder
Game Paintball
Zap the smiley faces with your paintball gun to score
points. http://www.gamescraze.com/games/?g=paint.swf You can join The Funnies To subscribe, Click on link below http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies published 5 x weekly.No censorship ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PLEASE FREE FOOD FOR HOMELESS DOGS http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ About FreeRice FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site http://www.freerice.com/about.html Poverty.com No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim **** COUNTRY CALENDAR **** Tonight on the opry Join us for Opry at the Ryman this weekend and see performances by Darryl Worley, Lady Antebellum, Chuck Wicks, Connie Smith, The Isaacs, Doyle Dykes, Little Jimmy Dickens , Jeff Bates, and more! Hosts for The midnight Jamboree JANUARY 5 - AMBER DIGBY **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** More Tour Dates For Keith And Carrie NASHVILLE, Tenn. Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood's "The Love, Pain and the Whole Crazy Carnival Ride tour" is adding three more stops. They'll be in Hershey, Pennsylvania on February 14th, Tallahassee, Florida on February 29th and Anaheim, California on March 12th. The tour opens at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, Connecticut on January 31st. There's more Carrie news, she's on the cover of Shape Magazine, which comes out January 14th. Underwood tells the magazine she doesn't want to get crazy about her weight. Carrie adds she feels healthy and she's a "good size" for her. Sugarland And Carrie Underwood 1-2 On Music Video List NASHVILLE, Tenn. Sugarland's "Stay" was the most watched music video on CMT.com in 2007. Lead singer Jennifer Nettles wrote the song. Carrie Underwood's "So Small" came in second. Her song "Before He Cheats" took third, and "Wasted" finished in fifth place. Taylor Swift's Number-1 hit "Our Song" came in fourth on the list. CMT.com reported 100 million streams in 2007 with 70 million of those being music videos. Rascal Flatts Ringtones NASHVILLE, Tenn. Rascal Flatts' music is available as mobile phone ringtones and ring-backs. Fans can text the word RASCAL to download their favorite Rascal Flatts ringtones to their mobile phones. Rascal Flatts won the T-Mobile "Text In Award" for Favorite Artist of the Year at the 2006 American Music Awards. Little Big Town's Newest Member NASHVILLE, Tenn. Littler Big Town's Phillip Sweet and his wife Rebecca are first-time parents. They welcomed their new baby girl during the holidays. Penelopi Jane Sweet was born December 27th in Nashville. She joins five month old Daisy Pearl, who's the daughter of Little Big Town member Kimberly Roads Schlapman. LBT is currently on tour with George Strait through March. Rissi Palmer To Perform At Nfl Playoff Game NASHVILLE, Tenn. Rissi Palmer is singing "God Bless America" before the NFL playoff game between the Steelers and Jacksonville Jaguars in Pittsburgh tomorrow. Palmer will also perform at halftime, including her hit single, "Country Girl." She released her self-titled debut album in October. Her upcoming new single "Hold On To Me," comes out January 28th. Palmer will soon be hitting the road with Sawyer Brown on select dates throughout their 2008 Winter Bash Tour. Rodney Atkins Going For Another #1 Hit NASHVILLE, Tenn. Rodney Atkins' latest single, "Cleaning This Gun " is a Top 15 hit on the country charts and moving up for a possible fourth straight Number-1 hit. Atkins' single "Watching You" was the most played country song of the year. His single "If You're Going Through Hell" was the most played country song in 2006. Atkins won ACM Male Vocalist of the Year in 2007 and celebrated a platinum album, "If You're Going Through Hell." He begins 2008 on the "Bonfires and Amplifiers Tour" with Brad Paisley. Deana Carter's Birthday NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) _ Deana (DEE'-nah) Carter is celebrating her 42nd birthday today. Her latest CD is "The Chain." The album is a tribute to her father, Fred Carter who played with some of music's all-time greats including Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel and Neil Young. Deana collaborated with some of the greats in music on her CD, including Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton and George Jones. Parton sent Carter a letter saying the CD is "spectacular." Parton sings with Carter on "Love Is Like A Butterfly." EARL SCRUGGS LIFETIME AWARD NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) _ Earl Scruggs is turning 84 on Sunday. The bluegrass pioneer is going to receive the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Recording Academy on February 9th. The ceremony is being held in Los Angeles, a day before the Grammy Awards. Scruggs and Lester Flatt were inducted together in the Country Music Hall of Fame in 1991. Scruggs was an inaugural inductee into the International Bluegrass Music Hall of Fame that same year. CANADIAN CMA
ANNOUNCES VANCOUVER AS HOST
NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) _ Vancouver, British Columbia is the site for Country Music Week and the Canadian Country Music Awards in 2009. It marks the first time the events will take place on the West Coast since 1987. This year's Country Music Week is set for September 5th through the 8th in Winnipeg, Manitoba. LAURA BRYNA's CD NASHVILLE, Tenn (AP) _ Laura Bryna's debut CD "Trying To Be Me" comes out January 22nd. Her first single is "Make A Wish." Bryna opened for Clint Black on her first nationwide tour. They performed in 40 cities across the country. Today's Birthdays Singer Patty Loveless is 51. Singer Deana Carter is 42. Saturday's Birthday Singer Iris Dement is 47. Sunday's Birthdays Musician Earl Scruggs is 84. Accordionist Joey, the CowPolka King of the group Riders in the Sky is 59. Singer Jett Williams, daughter of Hank Williams, is 55. Hit the honky tonks By KEN BECK TennesseanTravel.com Filled with honky tonks, Lower Broadway helped turn Nashville into Music City. A great place to start, day or night, is Tootsies Orchid Lounge, country music's beloved purple honky-tonk. Across the street and a building or two down from the Sommet Center (formerly Nashville Arena), this two-story brick joint, where the music is live from 10 a.m. until 2:30 a.m., is hard to miss. "Tootsies represents all the history, the heart and the foundation of country music here in Nashville," said Steve Smith, owner since 1992 of the place that was known as Mom's from 1950 to 1960 before Tootsie took control. "Tootsie Bess was so loyal to the older musicians and songwriters and took care of them when they were going through hard times. She ran tabs for them, always had something to eat there and had a little green room where they pitched songs back and forth." Faded photographs of singers and pickers and newer pictures of babies and beauties line Tootsies' walls. An oversized black-and-white photo of Tootsie herself gets center billing. Stars such as Roy Acuff, Lefty Frizzell, Hank Williams, Stoney and Wilma Lee Cooper, Little Jimmy Dickens and hundreds more are everywhere. Nearby is the famous back door, reportedly only 37 steps from the Ryman via a back alley. The front of the bar is littered with dozens of whittled or printed names on the front of the bar. To the right is a small stage with a sagging wooden floor where Jimmy Snyder is one of many who entertain with guitar and voice. He's been performing at Tootsies off and on for 10 years and works about five mornings a week, sometimes with a band. In the 1960s, Tootsies was a hangout for many of the Opry stars. Back then you could walk in and there was no telling whom you might see. The same is true today. "You hear a lot of stories, but the stars come," said Tami Stafford, a Tootsies bartender for all of two weeks. "John Michael Montgomery comes and gets back behind the bar. Kid Rock comes in all the time. This is the best honky-tonk in the strip. It's smaller, so it feels more family like." Historic posters shine A block away, Hatch Show Print is a nonprofit, working museum and a national landmark. America's oldest show poster printer has been churning them out by the thousands since 1879. Bright, colorful, old-fashioned posters adorn the walls where the names of famous musicians of all genres jump off at you in bold but simple typefaces. The names include Hank Snow, Porter Wagoner, Patsy Cline, B.B. King, Elvis Presley, Marty Robbins, the Beach Boys, Pearl Jam and Bruce Springsteen. "I'm most proud of our preservation of a technology and of a Nashville icon," said Jim Sherraden, who's managed the business, now in its third century, for 23 years. "Preservation through production is our motto." When you walk in the door, you'll see someone printing on the front press, and you can peer over the gate and watch typesetting (organized tours are not possible). "This is such a unique place. There's nothing else like it in the United States." Plenty of posters are available for purchase with prices running from $1 to $600, but it's free to just come in and stare at the walls. Albums surround you On the other side of the street, the marquee above the Ernest Tubb Record Shop reads: REAL COUNTRY MUSIC LIVES HERE. And they mean it. This really is country, western and folk music headquarters and has been since 1947 when E.T. opened the place. It's brimming with classic country songs on CDs, alongside DVDS, books and a wide selection of bluegrass albums. A small bronze statue of Tubb greets patrons as soon as they enter. Thirty feet of Nashville souvenirs line the left wall, and color portraits and framed color photos of classic country stars smile down from the walls. Walk to the back of the shop and gaze at the stage of the original Midnite Jamboree, where from the late 1940s to the early '70s, Tubb and his guests played on WSM (the radio show continues at Ernest Tubb Record Shop No. 2 on Music Valley Drive on Saturday nights after the Opry). Also enjoy gazing at the costumes of Tubb, his son Justin, Bashful Brother Oswald and steel player Jack Drake. "We're sort of an institution in country music with our 60-year history," said general manager Dave Liston. Burial sites of music legends By TIM GHIANNI and JERRY MANLEY TennesseanTravel.com Graeme Healey stands by his wife, Margaret, and looks down at the graves that helped draw them across the Atlantic. "We're going to spend a few minutes in silence," says the longtime Johnny Cash fan. The Healeys are from Dukinfield in Cheshire, England. "It's just outside of Manchester," he says. "We're on holiday for 16 days." Their search for the final resting place of their country music heroes is just one thing on their agenda while in Nashville. They also visited the Ryman, planned to drive by Cash's house up the highway from the cemetery and were pondering a show at The Station Inn. Cemetery officials around Nashville are accustomed to such pilgrimages. Many offer maps, and most are more than willing to direct you to graves. All a fan has to be willing to do is walk across acres of the green, green grass of Middle Tennessee. Here's a guide to the Midstate burial places of many of the legends who are gone but not forgotten. Hendersonville Memory Gardens 353 East Main St., Hendersonville There isn't a map available at Hendersonville Memory Gardens, but the staff is eager to point visitors to the graves of the stars. Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash lie next to each other just a few yards from the funeral home. Sit a spell on the Cash-Carter meditation bench. Also nearby are Mother Maybelle Carter, Anita Carter and Ezra Carter. A few feet away is the bigger-than-death tableau of Merle Kilgore, who co-wrote "Ring of Fire" with June, penned "Wolverton Mountain" and was a friend of Hank Sr., a confidante of Hank Jr. and a beloved pal of the Cashes. Kilgore, who let his jewelry speak volumes about his happy attitude toward life, is depicted showing off his blingy digits. He smiles up from the bronze: "Are you kidding me? . . . I've made the biggest deal of all." For the tourists from England, this "is the first time we've visited the cemetery," Graeme Healey says. But they saw the movie about the Cashes, "Walk the Line," twice. "And in 1972, I saw them at . . . a big arena kind of thing. It was September," Healey continues. "It was all of them. Johnny Cash. June Carter. Mother Maybelle and the Carter family. Carl Perkins." There are others to look for at the cemetery. And it's definitely worth ducking into the mausoleum. There, out of the elements, likely as he would have liked it, is Johnny Russell. Photos from throughout his career are taped to the front of the wall containing his crypt. The writer of "Act Naturally" and one of country music's nice guys is in the same wall as Mae Axton, writer of "Heartbreak Hotel." Sheb Wooley, of "Purple People Eater" and "High Noon" fame, is also in these walls. His battle with leukemia ended a couple days after he fell ill during the funeral visitation for his friend Johnny Cash. Forest Lawn Memorial Gardens 1150 Dickerson Pike, Goodlettsville Forest Lawn Memorial Gardens, on Dickerson Pike in Goodlettsville, is a place to remember March 5, 1963. That's the day Patsy Cline died in a plane crash just outside Camden, in West Tennessee. Patsy is buried in her hometown in Virginia. But several others who died on that plane are here: Lloyd "Cowboy" Copas, Hawkshaw Hawkins and Ramsey "Randy" Hughes all are buried within a few feet of each other. Musician Jack Anglin, who died in a car crash on the way to Cline's funeral, is also here. More country tragedy is memorialized nearby in the graves of Opry star David "Stringbean" Akeman and his wife. They were murdered in 1973 by robbers. Also close by is the grave of legend Lefty Frizzell. And someplace out among the green acreage, being a bit, well, Bashful, is the grave of Beecher Kirby, known as Roy Acuff's sidekick Brother Oswald. Spring Hill Cemetery 5110 Gallatin Pike Speaking of Acuff, his grave is hard to miss if you swing in the main gate of Spring Hill Cemetery on Gallatin Pike. His massive monument is, fittingly, just across the main drive from fiddling rival Jimmy Martin. Hank Snow's grave and a monument to Bill Monroe's family (he's buried in Rosine, Ky.) are nearby. "Still Moving On" reads the inscription accompanying a train carved in Snow's marker. Legends abound here. But who is the big draw for tourists? Devita Simpson at the main office says: "Most of them are coming to see Keith Whitley," who achieved cult status in the bluegrass world before jumping over to mainstream country and drinking himself to death in 1989. "Forever yours faithfully" and "his being was my reason" are chiseled into the stone, apparently at the request of the woman who used to lie beside him in life and will do so into eternity. Lorrie Morgan's spot is waiting for her. And she's not far from her old papa, George "Candy Kisses" Morgan. "For Pete's Sake" reads the musical phrase carved on the monument of steel guitar wizard Pete Drake, a friend of the Beatles, particularly George and Ringo Jessica
Simpson enjoys songwriting in the Music City
By BEVERLY KEEL Jessica Simpson had nice things to say about Nashville during an interview with Billboard. When asked what has surprised her most since starting the follow-up to her 2006 album, A Public Affair, she said, "Nashville is a very warm city. The people are friendly and kind. There is a sense of community, which thrives on music. "There is no animosity… only respect for one another's talent." Simpson said she is writing songs for her country album, due to be released this year by Columbia Nashville, but she wouldn't reveal the names of her songwriting partners. "Writing is a release for me," she said. "It's a way for me to tell my story. That's not to say I wouldn't record a song that I didn't write. It's just that it has been a while since I have opened the book." She recently covered "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," so what country songs do you think she should cover and why? She has been through a very public heartbreak, so perhaps there's a fitting Tammy Wynette song. Dolly Parton is one of her heroes, so she could tackle the 1967 Dolly single "Dumb Blonde," which says, "Don't think I'm dumb/ Cause this dumb blonde ain't nobody's fool." She has the legs, but does she have the sass to cover the Jeannie C. Riley hit "Harper Valley P.T.A."? (Perhaps Riley's "The Back Side of Dallas" might make sense, since Jessica dates Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.) Send your funny and serious suggestions to beverly@tennessean.com. Hurtful comments from a cowardly source • The New York Post offers this blind item: "Which 40ish actress has finally gotten pregnant for the first time? Her rep is denying it because she's only a month into it, and has suffered miscarriages in the past. Said our source: 'Watch for her to get bangs and start wearing hats to hide her sagging face because you can't be on Botox when you are pregnant.'" If she wants a baby of her own bad enough to choose between it or her career, I'd say she's a pretty brave gal.Besides most pregnant women have a glow all their own......Jim **** Amy's Kitchen ****
Cheddar Melt Chili This ground beef dish gets its heat from three different sources—salsa, beans and chili powder. Hamburger Helper® dinner mix makes it easy. Prep Time:5 min Start to Finish:30 min Makes:6 servings Ingredients 1 pound lean ground beef 3 cups hot water 1 package Hamburger Helper® Cheddar cheese melt 1 cup Old El Paso® salsa (any variety) 1/2 cup milk 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon chili powder (or 1 jalape?o pepper) 2 cans (15 ounces each) spicy chili beans in sauce, undrained 1/3 cup milk Directions 1. Cook beef in Dutch oven over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until brown; drain. 2. Stir in hot water, uncooked Pasta, Sauce Mix, salsa, 1/2 cup milk, the chili powder and beans. Heat to boiling, stirring frequently. 3. Reduce heat; cover and simmer 12 to 14 minutes, stirring occasionally, until pasta is tender. Meanwhile, stir Topping mix and 1/3 cup milk in bowl 30 seconds; set aside. 4. Remove chili from heat; stir. Pour topping evenly over chili, or spoon over each serving. High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): Simmer 16 to 18 minutes. Nutrition Information 1 Serving: Calories 410 (Calories from Fat 100); Total Fat 11g (Saturated Fat 4g, Trans Fat 1/2g); Cholesterol 50mg; Sodium 1970mg; Total Carbohydrate 51g (Dietary Fiber 7g, Sugars 10g); Protein 25g Exchanges: 2 1/2 Starch; 1 Other Carbohydrate; 0 Vegetable; 2 1/ ****A PARTING THOUGHT **** He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey.
Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are
believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright
on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection ~ Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com |
|
| << January04, 2008 - The Funnies |
January06, 2008 - The Funnies >> |
|
The Funnies Archives Index
|
Subscribe
|
|
|
Archives powered by Zinester's Mailing List Service
Details on The Funnies |
Browse for more newsletters at Zinester's Ezine Directory
Managed by Zinester's Mailing List Management |
