Archives at Zinester: The Funnies. The Funnies. Humor & Jokes

The Funnies are strictly a Double opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM

From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG

I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

MONDAY JANUARY 14,2008

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:"The key to wisdom is
knowing
all the right questions......or at least a few."

Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the
wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast,
which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times
during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was
a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly long pause,
he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've
written down." Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is
there a pharmacist in the house?"
*********************************
At a Drivers Safety Course, we were discussing what is commonly
know as a rolling stop, and that what the police look for to
complete the offense is whether or not the wheels of the vehicle
are completely stopped.

One attendee raised his hand and asked.... "All four of them?"
*****************************************************
We were sitting and watching tv and I was telling my daughter and
fifteen year old granddaughter that I had gone today and signed up
for social security. My granddaughter looked at me and said,
granddaddy, are you that old. I told her yes sweetheart I sure am.
She then asked me if we had tv and video games when I was a kid. I
thought for a minute and then said, no, we had something a whole
lot better. She then asked me what was that. I told her that when
we were kids we had what was called an imagination.
**********************************************
At the school where I teach, we often take groups of children to
see a replica of Drake's Golden Hinde, complete with waxwork
figures, near London Bridge. Pupils take part in various
activities on board and usually come away with a firm grasp of
what life was like on the ship. After one such trip, the children
were asked why they thought the men on the vessel had their hair
cut very short. Instead of mentioning the possibility of disease,
one young girl put up her hand and suggested, "Is it because they
didn't want to get split ends?"
**************************
MOE: I don't like to brag, but I can run a hundred meters in
seven seconds flat.

JOE: Wow, isn't that faster than the world record?

MOE: I know a shortcut.
**********************
Getting ready for school one morning I overheard my daughter
Carole asking her father to put some toothpaste on her
brush. "How old are you?" he asked. She replied that she was
seven. "Well, you ought to be able to put on your own toothpaste
by now," said her father. "And you ought to know how old I am,"
Carole retorted.
**************
Having encouraged her class of 11-year-olds to use descriptive
language in the story she had just asked them to write, my wife
was disappointed when one boy used the adjective "big" to
describe a castle. She asked the boy to be a bit more creative
and sent him away to redraft the sentence. A few minutes later he
was back at her desk. This time the sentence read: "I went into
the castle, which was big—and when I say big, I mean big."
***************************************************
Matt Boswell of Dallas apparently became the latest victim of
thieves who make bad guesses about the value of packages they
believe are worth swiping.
In December, Boswell reported spotting a man rummaging through his
truck, and when Boswell yelled, the man grabbed two containers and
fled. As Boswell later explained to a Dallas Morning News
reporter, the containers held pickups from customers of Pet
Butler, Boswell's pet waste-removal service (advertised by signs
on both sides of his truck). [Dallas Morning News, 12-5-02)
****************************************************
Two Very Good Questions.....

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded,
and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an
abortion?
Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this
one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here
are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults
with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes
and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon,
used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any
extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
(Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer).

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Candidate B is Winston Churchill,
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And by the way: Answer to the abortion question if you said yes,
you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging
someone...and remember, Amateurs built the ark .... Professionals
built the Titanic
**************
While looking at the products on an on-line
bookstore's website, I came across a do-it-yourself
book for a quick and easy divorce. At the end
of the description, the options were
1. Add to shopping cart;
2. Add to wish list; or
3. Add to wedding registry.
************************
As an attendant at an exclusive golf club, my work
includes welcoming guests to the course and loading
bags in and out of vehicles. I'm the only female on
the staff, and I work with eight teenage boys.
One day a golfer drove up in a yellow Lamborghini.
Three of the teens rushed to help him. Later, they
gushed about their conversation with the man, who told
them he owned three of the Italian sports cars.

"Really?" I replied. "What line of work is he in?"

"We didn't talk about that," said one of the boys. "We
only asked if he has a daughter."
****************************
The state of Texas has executed yet another inmate.
Unforeseen legal issues have arisen. The state has killed so many
people this year, it must now register as a tobacco company.
****************************************************
Two well-dressed, matronly women entered the business office and
approached an executive.

"Sir," said one, "we are soliciting funds for the welfare and
rehabilitation of wayward women. Would you care to donate?"

"Sorry," replied the executive, "but I"ve contributed directly."
*******************************************************
********************************
Top 25 Thinnest Books

25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS - by O. J. Simpson
24. THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION
23. TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE - by Ellen DeGeneres
22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT
21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA
20. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY - by Dennis Rodman
19. THE WILD YEARS - by Al Gore
18. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
17. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
16. CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS
15. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
14. DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB
13. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
12. EASY UNIX
11. ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE
10. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
9. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
8. FRENCH HOSPITALITY
7. GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES
6. HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER - by Art Garfunkel
5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES - by the EPA
3. STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS
2. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
And the World's Number One Shortest book...
1. THE BOOK OF VIRTUES - by Bill Clinton
**************************************
The insurance salesman was trying to
persuade a housewife to take out
a life insurance policy. "Now supposing
your husband were to die," he said,
"what would you get?"

"Oh, a Labrador, I think," replied the
housewife. "They're always good company!"
**************************************
Two Airline Pilots - One Jew & One Chinese
Two pilots got to talking on a transatlantic flight. The captain was
Jewish, and the co-pilot was Chinese. It was the first time they had
flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn't care
for each other.

After thirty minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, "I don't like
Chinese."

The co-pilot replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?"

The pilot said, "You guys bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like
Chinese."

The co-pilot said, "Nooooo, noooo .... Chinese no bomb Pearl Harbah.
JAPANESE bomb Pearl Harbah."

The pilot answered, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't
matter. You're all alike."

Another thirty minutes of silence ensued. Finally, the co-pilot said,
"I no like Jew."

The pilot replied, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"

"Jews sink Titanic."

The pilot tried to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the
Titanic. It was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg... no mattah... all same."
************************************************
WILD HARE DAY
A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on
a leash. The rabbit does not want to be there.

"Sit, Fluffy," she says.

Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's
lap, getting water all over him.

"I said sit, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly
embarrassed.

Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates.

The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, "Fluffy, will you be good?!"

Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the
office.

As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the
flabbergasted customers and says:

"Pardon me, I've just washed my hare, and can't do a thing with it!"
***********************************************************
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door
bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar,
order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over
and sit down at a large table.

The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and
chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting
grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the
roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She
walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table
erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table,
exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51
days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over
to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children's
jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender
asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration
about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that
blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the
record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it
together.

"The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
****************************************************
Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked
on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and
charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play
with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He
rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with
your arms, he'll jump through."

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over.
Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and
over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"

"To tell the the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed
to me."
*******************
Amid the flurry of activity one evening, a quick dinner of chicken
wings and French fries started smoking in the oven. As I retrieved
the meal, the fire alarm went off. My husband was waving a towel
near the alarm to stop the annoying noise, when the phone rang.
My son Darren answered it and promptly explained, "No, they
can't come to the phone right now. My mom's cooking, so my dad's
working the fire alarm."
*******************************
Like so many of us who have bought home exercise equipment,
my purchases remained unused. My folly became painfully
apparent when my young daughter was giving her friend a tour
of the house. "There's Mommy's exercise equipment," Elyse
said. "Nobody's allowed to touch it."
And then she paused to show the seriousness of her statement.
"Not even Mommy!"
***************************
My son never said much about his packed lunches. They were pretty
standard fare: a sandwich, fruit and juice. One evening, though, I baked
oversized cookies studded with M&M's and slipped one into his lunch
as a surprise.
When my son arrived home that evening, he said: “That cookie you
packed was great! Do you think I could have two tomorrow?”
I couldn't resist trying to prolong his praise.
“So you really liked it, did you?”
“Yeah,” he grinned. “I traded it for two fruit roll-ups and a granola bar!”
****************************
About a week before Christmas, I found signs that mice had got
into the house. Each night before bed, I put down traps to try to
catch the intruders. On Christmas Eve, as I went to get the traps
my daughter Evelyn said, "You don't need to do that tonight, Dad."
"Why not" I asked.
"Well, after all," she replied, "it's the night before Christmas...
*****************************
Today's links:
Spice & Herb Encyclopedia
http://www.culinarycafe.com/Spices_Herbs/

EASY Chocolate/Peanut Butter FUDGE
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html

The Science Behind Sugar Substitutes
http://www.lifescript.com/HA/25528_4238409_5178_0.htm

Draw Me Something

http://www.drawmesomething.com/

Wisdom and Quotes

http://www.wisdomquotes.com/

Heavenly Angels Linkware
http://heavenlyangel.net/Sitemap.html

Apache - Servers
http://www.apache.org/

Brooklyn Bridge Casualties
http://www.endex.com/gf/buildings/bbridge/bbridgedeaths.htm

Game Bridges

The object is to create a continuous red line from left to right,

before the computer makes a blue line from top to bottom.

Click on a white space to join the red lines.

You can join The Funnies
To subscribe, Click on link below
http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies
published 5 x weekly.No censorship
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PLEASE
FREE FOOD FOR HOMELESS DOGS
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/

About FreeRice
FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim

**** COUNTRY CALENDAR ****

-13-

1884 - Stephen Foster 1826~1864, age 37, songwriter, died today. Stephen wrote many songs that were recorded by the early pioneers of country music. Stephen’s health was ruined by a long time addiction to alcohol.

1907 - Ezra Cline of the "Lonesome Pine Fiddlers," born Baisden, West Virginia.

1915 - Jenny Lou Carson 1915~1978, a.k.a. "Lucille Overstake," singer, songwriter, cowgirl, born Decatur, Illinois. Cast member of the WLS National Barn Dance, along with her sisters Eva and Evelyn as The Three Little Maids. Inducted NSHF 1971.

1926 - Wally Varner 1926~2004, pianist for The Blackwood Brothers was born today.

1930 - H.S. "Buck" White founder of "The Whites" born in Oklahoma.

1930 - Rual Yarbrough, Bluegrass singer, banjoist, born Lawrence County, Tennessee.

1944 - Ernest Tubb recorded his #1 single "Soldier’s Last Letter."

1948 - Buck Owens married fifteen-year-old Bonnie Campbell.

1948 - WLW’s Midwestern Hayride debuted their TV broadcasts from Cincinnati.

1957 - Marty Robbins’ "Singing The Blues" topped the charts.

1957 - Ed Bruce debuted on the charts with "Walkers Woods."

1962 - Sheb Wooley's first chart song was his self-penned MGM single "That's My Pa." The song went to #1 for this singer, songwriter, and actor. Sheb also recorded under the name Ben Colder.

1962 - Trace Adkins, recording artist, member of the Grand Ole Opry, born in Springhill, Louisiana. Trace played football for Louisiana Tech.

1963 - Brenda Lee appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show.

1964 - Johnny Cash’s single "Ring of Fire" became the first country song to go to #1 on the Pop charts.

1966 - Shayne Morrison, of "Perfect Stranger" born Athens, Texas.

1968 - Farris Coursey 1911~1968, age 56, session musician, and WSM staff drummer, died as the result of a heart attack.

1968 - Johnny Cash recorded his Columbia album "Live at Folsom Prison." The show included the Tennessee Three, June Carter, Carl Perkins, The Carter Family, and the Statler Brothers.

The live session was produced by Bob Johnston. One of the songs recorded that day was "Cocaine Blues" a song written by T.J. Arnall. Session players included: Johnny Cash~vocals & guitar; Luther Perkins~lead guitar; Marshall Grant~bass; W.S. Holland~drums; Carl Perkins~lead guitar; The Carter Family~backing vocals. The album went to #1 on the Billboard chart, and remained on the chart for 92 weeks. The only single released from this album was "Folsom Prison Blues" penned by the singer. This recording also brought John another #1 single, as well as a Grammy for Best Male Vocal. The album sold over 2 million copies, and was named the CMA Album of the Year.

1971 - Tommy Overstreet recorded "Girl You Came and Eased My Mind" at Clement’s Studio. The song was Hall of Fame songwriter Charlie Black’s, first song to be recorded.

1973 - Tennessee Ernie Ford, Sammi Smith, Charlie McCoy, and the Nashville Edition were featured guests on "Hee Haw."

1974 - Brad Hawkins, singer, actor, born Dallas, Texas.

1994 - Tammy Wynette released from a hospital in Pittsburgh, following treatment for infection.

1996 - Terri Clark made her debut appearance as a guest on the Grand Ole Opry. Eight years later on June 12, 2004 she became a cast member of the show.

1998 -Mark Collie released his album "Even the Man in the Moon is Cryin’."

2002 - People’s Choice Awards were presented to Reba McEntire (TV role in "Reba"), Garth Brooks (Favorite Male Entertainer) and Faith Hill (Favorite Female Entertainer) 2002.

2003 - Tim McGraw received the "Favorite Male Country Artist," award at the 30^{th Annual American Music Awards 2003. Martina
McBride received the award for "Favorite Female Country Artist."}

2003 - Odell ‘Mac’ McLeod, age 86, singer, songwriter died Benton Harbor, Michigan.

2005 - Brothers Donnie and Johnny Van Zant signed a recording contract with Columbia Records.

2007 - Doyle Holly 1936~2007, age 70, member of ^{Buck Owens}^{' Buckaroos died as the result of prostate cancer.}

-14-

1913 - Luderin Darbone of the "The Hackberry Ramblers," born Evangeline, Louisiana.

1922 - Al Terry country, rockabilly singer born "Allison Joseph Theroit" in Kaplan, Louisiana.

1929 - "Billy" Marvin Walker 1929~2006, singer, songwriter, and guitarist born Ralls, Texas. Billy was a cast member of the Big D Jamboree, before joining the Grand Ole Opry in 1960.

1937 - Billie Jo Spears born Beaumont, Texas. Billie was a cast member of the Louisiana Hayride in 1950, and made her first recordings in 1953 on the Abbott label under the name Billie Jean Moore. During her career Billie Jo placed 34 country hits on Billboards Country singles chart, and ten of her albums charted.

1938 - Allen Toussaint singer, songwriter, and producer were born in New Orleans.

1948 - T-Bone Burnett, ‘Joseph Henry Burnett’ singer, songwriter, guitarist, and producer born St. Louis, Missouri.

1950 - The Delmore Brothers’ single "Blues Stay Away From Me" topped the charts, and became their last #1 hit.

1950 - Little Jimmy Dickens' Columbia single "A-Sleeping At The Foot Of The Bed" charted today. Luther Patrick and Gene Wilson wrote the song, it topped out at #6, and was Jimmy's 5th chart hit in the past nine months. In 2007 Little Jimmy Dickens continues to be one of the most popular artists on the Grand Ole Opry. Jimmy will celebrate his 60th anniversary as a member of the Grand Ole Opry on November 6, 2008. Jimmy Dickens is one of the nicest people to ever set foot in Music City U.S.A.

1959 - Jesse Hunter singer, songwriter, born today.

1970 - Hank Thompson, Lynn Anderson, and Buddy Alan were featured guests on "Hee Haw."

1973 - An estimated one Billion people tuned in as Elvis’ TV special "Elvis: Aloha from Hawaii," was broadcast live.

1984 -The Kendalls Mercury single "Thank God For The Radio" hit the charts. Hall of Fame songwriter Max D. Barnes, and Robert Jones wrote the song, it went to #1, and remained on the singles chart for 23 weeks. This was the Kendalls (Royce and Jeannie) a father & daughter duo's 24th chart single, and their 3rd #1 hit. From 1970~1989 the Kendalls charted 37 singles on the country charts.

1986 - Reba McEntire joined the Grand Ole Opry.

1986 - The Grand Ole Opry’s "60th Anniversary" Show was broadcast.

1989 - Hubert Gregory, Grand Ole Opry musician died today. Played with "The Fruit Jar Drinkers" and with "Sam & Kirk McGee."

1992 - Charles "Gabe" Ward 1904~1992, age 87, of the "Hoosier Hot Shots" died.

1992 - Epic released Joe Diffie’s second album "Regular Joe."

1997 - The Amazing Rhythm Aces released their album "Ride Again."

1999 - Garth Brooks appeared on Sesame Street.

2000 - The Music City News, a country music magazine based in Nashville, went out of business after 37 years. Faron Young founded the magazine.

2003 - Mercury Nashville released Terri Clark’s album "Pain to Kill."

2003 - CMH released "Essential Lester Flatt and the Nashville Grass" 2003.

2004 - The Recording Academy announced that recordings by Johnny Cash, Glen Campbell, Floyd Cramer and the Everly Brothers are among the new additions to the Grammy Hall of Fame.

2005 - Don Helms, former steel guitarist for Hank Williams Sr. was hospitalized with a stroke.

2005 - Tim McGraw presented a concert in Nashville, for season ticket holders of the Nashville Kats, arena league football team. McGraw is part owner of the team. The Warren Brothers opened the show.

2006 - ^{George Strait}^{scores his 40th #1 hit on the}^Billboard^{Hot Country Songs}^{chart with "She Let Herself
Go."}

**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Two Dallas cops fired over Steve Holy gun case

DALLAS (AP) — Two city police officers accused of holding country music singer Steve Holy and a friend at gunpoint during a home game of foosball have been fired.
Officers Randy Anderson, 25, and Paul Loughridge, 48, each face a misdemeanor charge of deadly conduct in connection with the Dec. 27 allegation. If convicted, they could face a year in jail and a fine of up to $4,000.

"Their behavior that night is disturbing and not consistent with how we expect our Dallas police officers to perform," said Police Chief David Kunkle, who fired the men Friday.

Holy and his friend said they met the two officers at a bar, then went to Holy's house to play foosball in his garage.

According to police reports, Anderson began questioning the identity of Holy, whose songs include Brand New Girlfriend.

Holy and his friend told police that Anderson and Loughridge pointed their guns at them and told them to get on the ground. Before the officers left, the report says, Anderson told Holy that he'd kill him if he said anything about the incident.

Holy declined to comment on the firings. "I have a lot to say when it's time to say it," he said.

However, his lawyer, Toby Shook, said the firings were "a no-brainer on Chief Kunkle's part."

"It's clear that everyone who has looked at the facts of the case have found these two officers aren't credible," Shook said. "They're the ones that got fired. They're the ones that fled the scene that night; the victims called 911 right away."

Loughridge questioned the weight given the 911 call. "After listening to the 911 tapes, the level of credibility given these two gentlemen is astounding, and in fact, it's actually scary," he said.

Anderson had no comment except that he said he agreed with Loughridge.

On the 911 recording, the operator sounded frustrated by an inability to get information from Holy, who told her several times that he's a recording artist.

When she tried to ask Holy if the two officers left together, he answered: "He put a gun to our heads."

"OK, you told me that at least five or six times," she said. "I have that. I understand that."

Shook has acknowledged that his client had been drinking, but said the confusion heard on the 911 call came from the shock of the experience.

Peggy Sue just won't fade away

By BETSY BLANEY
Associated Press

LUBBOCK -- Buddy Holly's widow is trying to keep the woman whose name was made famous by the hit song Peggy Sue from selling a book about her friendship with the late rock 'n' roll star.

Maria Elena Holly said Friday that Peggy Sue Gerron's Whatever Happened to Peggy Sue? is unauthorized and will harm Holly's name, her reputation and that of her company, Holly Properties.

"It's very interesting that this woman makes up all these stories," Maria Elena Holly said from her home in Dallas. "He never, never considered Peggy Sue a friend."

Gerron, who lives in Lubbock, said she wrote the book with another woman from West Texas because 2008 is the 50th anniversary of the release of Peggy Sue. Holly also recorded Peggy Sue Got Married along with classics such as Not Fade Away and Raining in My Heart.

Material for the book came from about 150 diary entries Gerron made during the time she knew Holly, she said.

"I wanted to give him his voice. It's my book, my memoirs," she said from Tyler, where her publishing company held a news conference Friday defending Gerron's right to write her biography. "We were very, very good friends. He was probably one of the best friends I ever had."

Maria Elena Holly said she would sue if the excerpts she's read are in the book, which is available online and will be in bookstores soon.

"I don't understand why people do that, especially when she knows that people know the truth," she said.

Gerron said a potential lawsuit is "just another matter."

"I feel I have every right to write my book. That's why we live in America," she said. A lawsuit, she said, "won't taint the book."

This week, Maria Elena Holly's attorney in Dallas, Richard Wallace, sent a cease-and-desist letter to TogiEntertainment Inc., an Oklahoma City-based publishing house. Wallace declined to comment Friday.

Holly, 22, was killed Feb. 3, 1959, in a plane crash that also claimed singers Ritchie Valens and J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson.

Maria Elena Holly, who married Holly in August 1958, has for years owned the rights to her husband's name, image and related trademarks and other intellectual properties, the letter said.

No one involved in the book's publication asked for consent to use Holly's name or image -- "his likeness will be featured prominently" on the book's cover, and the subtitle is Memoirs of Buddy Holly's Peggy Sue, the letter said.

"Confusion and tarnishment of Buddy Holly's name and Ms. Holly's reputation are likely to result from this unauthorized book," the letter stated.

The letter demands cessation of promotion and sale of the book, removal of the subtitle and cancellation of all book orders. It also asks for refunds on any deposits for the book and for an accounting of revenues from any sales.

Mark Faulk, chief executive officer of TogiEntertainment, said the threat of a lawsuit wouldn't deter Gerron or his company.

"It's obvious that they do not want the work released," he said. "My feeling is that Maria Elena fears the truth will come out about Buddy Holly. If there is a lawsuit, our belief is that it will be totally frivolous."

Buddy Holly's brother, Larry Holley, said "Peggy Sue" was not the original lyric in the song of the same name. The name Holly originally intended to use was Cindy Lou, Holly's niece, said Larry Holley, who retains the original spelling of the family name.

Maria Elena Holly said her husband changed the name to Peggy Sue at the request of Crickets drummer Jerry Allison, who married Gerron in July 1958, because he had a crush on Gerron at the time.

EMI set to cut up to 2,000 jobs: reports

Sun Jan 13, 6:35 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Music company EMI, home to Robbie Williams and Coldplay, will cut up to 2,000 jobs as part of a restructuring being planned by its private equity boss Guy Hands, Sunday newspapers reported.

Hands plans to cut the marketing budget to 12 percent of projected sales, from 20 percent, but raise spending on A&R (artist and repertoire), which looks for new talent, The Sunday Telegraph said.

The Sunday Times said EMI would also ditch thousands of artists when he announces his plans on Tuesday.

EMI was taken private by Hands's Terra Firma last summer in a 2.4 billion pounds ($4.7 billion) deal.

Record companies are struggling to make up for declining CD sales and illegal downloading of music over the Internet.

Although legal downloads are growing fast, it is not enough to make up the shortfall, and artists are increasingly turning to touring, merchandise and online innovations to make money.

Hands has warned artists they would be dropped if they did not work hard enough for the group and called for a "fundamental shift" in the way the company did business.

(Reporting by Dan Lalor; Editing by Rory Channing)

**** Amy's Kitchen ****

Low / No Fat:

  Light Citrus Cheesecake CRUST:
1 cup graham cracker crumbs
1/4 cup sugar

FILLING:
3 (8-ounce) packages low fat cream cheese
    (NOT tub cream cheese)
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour,
1 (14-ounce) can Fat Free Sweetened Condensed Milk
     (NOT evaporated milk)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons lemon rind, grated
2 teaspoons orange rind, grated
3/4 cup egg substitute product, fat free, cholesterol free

Preheat oven to 325°F. Spray bottom of 9-inch springform
pan with non-stick cooking spray. Combine graham cracker
crumbs and sugar; sprinkle evenly on bottom of pan.
In large bowl, beat cream cheese until fluffy. Slowly add flour;
mix well. On low speed, add condensed milk; mix until smooth.
Add vanilla, lemon and orange rind and egg substitute product;
mix just until blended. Pour filling into pan.
Bake 40 to 45 minutes or until center is set. Cool 10 minutes;
with thin knife, carefully loosen cheesecake from side of pan.
Cool. Chill. Store leftovers covered in refrigertor.

Servings: Makes one (9-inch) cheesecake
Notes: Nutrition Amount Per Serving: Calories 271, Fat Cal. 101,
Total Fat 11.2g , Sat. Fat 6.5g, Cholest. 35mg, Sodium 265mg,

**Potassium 160mg, Total Carb. 30.8g, Fiber 0.3g, **Sugars 25.6g,

Protein 10.5g

***************************************

Apple Cinnamon Coffee Cake
2-1/2 cups all purpose flour
1 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. salt (necessary)
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1 Tbs. plus 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1 lb. Granny Smith apples, or other tart green apples, peeled, cored,
chopped
1 cup buttermilk
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 large egg
Preheat oven to 325°F. Butter and flour a round baking pan. Mix first
7 ingredients and 2-1/2 tsp. cinnamon in a food processor or bowl. Add
oil and process until mixture resembles coarse meal. Transfer 3/4 cup of
mixture to a smaller bowl and stir in remaining cinnamon. Set aside and
reserve for topping. Add remaining ingredients to mixture in processor
and process until just combined. Pour batter into prepared pan. Sprinkle
reserved topping over top and bake about 1 hr 20 mins or until tester
comes out clean when inserted into center. Transfer to rack and cool
slightly.serves 10.Per serving: cals 441, fat 17.7g, 36% cals from fat,
chol 29mg, protein 4.7g, carbs 67.6g, fiber 2.5g, sugar 43.7g, sod
135mg, diet points 10.3

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Is it true you can only stand eggs on end
one day out of the year?

According to legend, the one day a year you can stand eggs on end
is March 21, the first day of spring, also known as the "vernal
equinox". On the vernal equinox, day and night are the same
length, and the sun passes directly over the earth's equator. A
few folks got the idea this meant the force of gravity was put in
balance somehow, making it easier to balance eggs.

Well, here's a news flash: You can stand eggs on end any 'old
time', not just on the vernal equinox. All you need are steady
hands and a lot of patience. Also, it wouldn't hurt to have about
a dozen eggs. (Some are flatter on the bottom than others.) Our
method is to concentrate, try mil hard, and if at first you don't
succeed, give up. No sense killing yourself over a stupid egg.
Besides, the next one in the box may be easier.
It helps if you shake the egg up first, by the way. That breaks
loose the yolk. Normally, the yolk hangs in the center of the egg
from two bands called "chalazae" (they're the white stringy
things you sometimes see attached to the yolk when you break the
egg). Break the chalazae and the yolk sinks to the bottom. That
makes the egg bottom heavy and easier to stand up. It's also
cheating. But if the audience is waiting and your reputation is
on the line... well, let your conscience be your guide.

~source used: "Know It All"
by Ed Zotti

****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
"Life is like an onion: you peel off one layer at a
time and sometimes you weep."

LAST CALL Y'ALL
See ya buds

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
I've learned that the prayer I need to say most often is, "Lord, please keep
your arm around my shoulder and your hand Over My Mouth."
AND I'LL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally.
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.
Our features are intended to be for entertainment only.

Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer.
~
GOD BLESS AMERICA
~
To subscribe, Click on a link below

http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies

~
To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list
click on link at the end of this mailing
~
Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004
Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or
comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM
or
Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list

God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE

Scanned by Avast virus protection
~
Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com