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The Funnies are
strictly a Double opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM ![]() From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000 "Friends are God's
way of taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG I always know God won't give me more than I can
handle,
FRIDAY JANUARY 25,2008 When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly
discovered You have more dog beds, chew toys, collars, leashes, harnesses, and dog crates than you have dogs. You meet other people with dogs, and remember their dog's call name after 30 seconds, but don't get the owner/handler's name until you've met them 2 or 3 times. You don't think twice about trading licks of an ice cream cone with your dog. Your parents give up on grandchildren and start to refer to your dogs as "your kids" or your children." (Bonus: they start to call them "our granddogs.") 90 percent of your Internet connection time goes to the dogs (seeing what's new when you enter your breed into the browser, reading up on multiple lists, checking out photos, sounds and FAQs, etc.). You have hundreds of pictures of your dogs on your desk at work, in your wallet, etc., but none of your family or yourself. No one wants to ride in your car because they know they'll get dog hair on their clothes. You reach into your pockets for change, and liver treats, dog kibble, and pick-up bags fall all over. (Bonus: You've done this in a classy establishment.) You've had long meaningful discussions with your friends on the best way to trim your dog's nails, but have never had a manicure or pedicure in your lifetime. Books and movies are ruined for you if the dog references are incorrect. The highlight of your day is spending time with your dog. You watch simply awful movies because your breed is either featured in a cameo scene or there's a 3-second camera shot during a crowd scene. All of your clothes have dog hair on them, even when they come back from the laundromat or dry cleaners. The only thing your friends, colleagues, and passing acquaintances say to you when they see you is, "How are the dogs?" or "How many dogs do you have now?" Your photo Christmas cards feature your dogs (humans
optional). Our Greatest Wealth We are born with two eyes in front because we must not always look behind, but see what lies ahead beyond ourselves. We are born to have two ears -- one left, one right -- so we can hear both sides, collect both the compliments and criticisms, to see which are right. We are born with a brain concealed in a skull... then no matter how poor we are, we are still rich, for no one can steal what our brain contains, packing in more jewels and rings than you can think. We are born with two eyes, two ears, but one mouth... for the mouth is a sharp weapon. It can hurt, flirt, and kill. Remember our motto: talk less, listen and see more. We are born with only one heart... deep in our ribs it reminds us to appreciate and give love from deep within. Author Unknown ~~~~~~~ SMELL THE FLOWERS Take time to smell the flowers Don't rush through your day Stop in to see your neighbor Have a kind word to say Bring a smile to a shut-in Read a story to a child Visit a friend far away You haven't seen in awhile Take time to smell the flowers Don't let life pass you by We know not the hour The bloom will fade and die Help a homeless person Living on the street Help him all you can Until he's back on his feet Take time to smell the flowers Don't rush through your day Stop in to see your neighbor Have a kind word to say... ~ Author Unknown **************************************************** Today's Links: Which candidate would
make the best U.S. President?
http://www.2008electionprocon.org/
ya gotta be kiddin...Charlie Daniels or Toby Keith Hard to Find 800
Numbers
Aquatic Lifeforms You Never Caught While
Fishing
Dangerous
Airports
Game Robix
Get 10 marbles to the bottom before the
computer does.
Debian Based Linux For Windows Firing The
Cleaning Lady Sign behind an Amish carriage:
"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats. CAUTION: Avoid
exhaust!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PLEASE FREE FOOD FOR HOMELESS DOGS http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/ About FreeRice FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site http://www.freerice.com/about.html Poverty.com No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim *********************************************************** Saturday night@ theOpry
This Week at the Opry GET TICKETS Join us for Opry at the Ryman this weekend and see performances by Vince Gill, Del McCoury Band, The Grascals, Ashton Shepherd, Andy Griggs, and more! Last Week at the Opry Charlie Daniels is the Newest Opry Member! Last weekend, the Opry celebrated the induction of Charlie Daniels as its newest member! Read the story at opry.com and watch the moment on YouTube, or visit the Opry's MySpace page to watch Charlie's signature song, "Devil Went Down To Georgia" live from the Opry stage! See article in Country Music News section **** COUNTRY CALENDAR **** -25- 1923 - Rusty Draper 1923~2003, singer, and guitarist was born
Farrell Draper, Kirksville, Missouri.
1924 - Wesley Webb “Speedy” West 1924~2003, pedal steel guitar
pioneer, born in Springfield, Missouri. Inducted SGHF
1980.
1932 - Claude Gray singer, songwriter, and guitarist nicknamed
“The Tall Texan” born Henderson, Texas. Claude’s first chart single was “Family
Bible” written by Willie Nelson, and released on Mercury in March
1960.
1938 - The Dixon Brothers recorded “Wreck On The
Highway.”
1945 - Tex Ritter’s “I’m Wastin’ My
Tears On You” topped the charts.
1950 - Lazy Jim Day recorded “When I Worked On The
Farm.”
1954 - Marty Robbins released “My Isle Of Golden Dreams"
b/w/"Aloha Oe.”
1955 - Mike Burch drummer for “River Road” was born on this
date.
1956 - RCA released Elvis Presley’s debut single on their label.
Three months later the kid from Memphis had his first #1
record.
1963 - Disc jockey “Cactus Jack Call,” was killed in a car wreck.
On March 3rd, a fund raising show for his family was held in Kansas City. It was
on the trip back to Nashville on March 5th, that Patsy Cline, Hawkshaw Hawkins,
Cowboy Copas and Randy Hughes, were killed in a plane crash, near Camden,
TN.
1969 - Johnny Cash’s single “Daddy Sang Bass” w/Jan Howard topped
the charts.
1970 - The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour on CBS-TV included guests
Ray Charles, George Gobel, and Gloria Loring.
1975 - Gene Watson made his chart debut with “Bad
Water.”
1975 - Johnny Russell and Lawanda Lindsey were featured guests on
"Hee Haw."
1982 - The American Music Awards were presented this evening.
Winners in the country category included Willie Nelson, Anne Murray, The Oak
Ridge Boys, Barbara Mandrell, and Kenny Rogers who took home three
trophies.
1985 - Reba McEntire’s “How Blue” topped the
charts.
1989 - Laura Lee McBride 1920~1989, age 68, recording artist, and
Bob Wills’ first female vocalist, died in Bryan, Texas from cancer. Laura Lee
was the daughter of Tex Owens, and her aunt was Texas Ruby. Laura Lee was known
as “The Queen of Western Swing.” She was inducted into the Western Swing Hall of
Fame in 1989.
1989 -
The Judds RCA/Curb album “Heartland” was certified Platinum by the
RIAA
1992 - Emmylou Harris joined the Grand Ole
Opry.
1992 - Tracy Lawrence’s single “Sticks and Stones” became his
first #1 hit.
2000 - Rebel Records released Mike Auldridge’s album “This Old
Town.”
2000 - King released “David Frizzell Sings Lefty’s Greatest
Hits.”
2003 - Emerson Drives’ “Fall Into Me” debuted on Billboard’s Top
40 Chart.
2003 - Gabe Tucker 1915-2003, recording artist, musician, artist
manager and author,
friend of Col. Tom Parker, died at the age of 87. 2003 - Terri Clark’s single “I Just Wanna Be Mad” crossed over to
Billboard’s Top 40 Chart.
2005 - Ray Peterson, age 65, recording artist, “Tell Laura I Love
Her” died from cancer in Smyrna, Tennessee.
2006 - Brad Paisley's Arista Nashville album "Time Well Wasted"
was certified Platinum by the RIAA. Brad's #1 single "Alcohol" was one of the
songs on the album.
2006 - Carrie Underwood's Arista single "Jesus Take The Wheel"
was certified Gold by the RIAA.
2007 - Emmylou Harris celebrated her 15th anniversary as a member
of the Grand Ole Opry.
-26-
1893 - Dennis McGee 1893~1989, Cajun fiddler, and recording
artist born Bayou Marron, Louisiana.
1899 - Howard Doc Hopkins 1899~1988, singer, banjo, and guitarist
of the “Cumberland Ridge Runners” born in Wallins Creek, Harlan County,
Kentucky.
1900 - Clayton McMichen 1900~1970, champion fiddler, bandleader,
born Allatoona, Georgia.
1928 - James O’Gwynn, “The Smilin’ Irishman of Country Music,”
born Winchester, Minnesota.
1937 - Patsy Montana recorded “I Wanna Be A Cowboy’s
Sweetheart.”
1937 - Teddy Lundy born Galax, Virginia.
1942 - Dave Rowland “Dave & Sugar,” born Sanger,
California.
1945 - Bob Willis recorded his hit “Rolly
Poly.”
1953 - Grammy winner Lucinda Williams born Lake Charles,
Louisiana.
1958 - Buddy Holly & The Crickets appeared on the Ed Sullivan
Show.
1958 - B. James Lowry, session guitarist was born on this
date.
1959 - Goebel Reeves, age 59, died in Long Beach,
California.
1960 - Janice Rogers files for divorce from Kenny Rogers. They
were married in 1958, and have one child Carole Lynne.
1962 - Leroy Van Dyke’s single “Just Walk On By,” topped the
charts.
1963 - Skeeter Davis’ biggest hit of her career “The End of the World” made Billboard’s Top 100. 1971 - Tammy Wynette, George Jones, and Billy Jo Spears were
featured guests on “Hee Haw.”
1974 - Tennessee Ernie Ford, Jody Miller, Tommy Overstreet, and
Larry Scott were featured guests on "Hee Haw."
1979 - The CBS-TV series “Dukes of
Hazard” debuted, featuring the hands and voice of Waylon Jennings. The final
show aired July 26, 1985.
1980 - Kristine Oliver of “Sweethearts of the Rodeo,” married
Leonard Arnold.
1981 - Barbara Mandrell’s ABC album “The Best of Barbara
Mandrell” was certified Gold by the RIAA
1992 - Hillary Clinton, appearing on CBS-TV during the
presidential campaign, made a comment about Tammy Wynette that caused the
country music super-star to fight back. Hillary later apologized to Tammy, for
the comment.
1997 - Super Bowl XXXI featured Mary Chapin Carpenter during the
pregame show in the Voodoo Capital of America. a.k.a. New
Orleans.
2001 - Reba McEntire made her Broadway debut with the starring
role in “Annie Get You Gun.”
2005 - Roy Clark announced that he will be taking a medical leave
of absence during the first six months of the year, to recuperate from hip
surgery scheduled in February.
**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS **** Country greats make music, memories Country greats make music, memories Video shoot is a legends' reunion It was as if the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum came to life Wednesday as some of the greatest names in country music gathered to tape a video featuring 70 legends singing, talking and swapping stories. Today is the last day of the three-day shoot for Country's Family Reunion, a nine-DVD set that will be released in the spring. The Larry Black-produced show is ninth in a series. In this taping, stars such as Roy Clark, Charley Pride, Leroy Van Dyke, Jan Howard, Ray Stevens, Crystal Gayle, David Frizzell and Charlie Louvin sat in comfortable mismatched chairs as they took turns doing what they still do best: entertaining. "It's a coming home; it is a homecoming, a family reunion for me," said singer Larry Gatlin. Added singer Lynn Anderson, "It's like a class reunion; it's like going back to your old high school." It was a time of recalling wonderful memories and creating new ones for the group, which also includes Jim Ed Brown, Little Jimmy Dickens, Stonewall Jackson, Janie Fricke, Jean Shepard, Helen Cornelius, Jeannie Seely and Moe Bandy. Country Music Hall of Famer Bill Anderson, the show's host, said, "When we first started doing this in 1997, we thought we were making entertainment. Looking back on it now, out of the first 35 people who did the show, 16 of them — almost half — are no longer with us: Chet Atkins, Boxcar Willie, Bill Carlisle, Grandpa Jones, Skeeter Davis, Billy Walker. "We realize now we're not just making entertainment; we're making country music history. What we're doing today in that room is something that five years from now, 10 years from now, maybe 50 years from now will be an insight for people to look and see what country music was like during the era of people in that room." Some tears flowed Singer Ed Bruce said the event was a lifetime highlight. "I've had a tear in my eye several times. When you get in a situation like this, you think, 'Well, this has got to be the toughest audience in the world.' It's not. There's so much empathy in there, and mutual love and appreciation. Everyone in there is on your side when you get up." Singer Shelly West was surrounded by many friends of her late mother, Dottie West. "When I was singing her song 'Country Sunshine,' I could tell they were thinking of her and looking at me. It was an overpowering feeling. I sounded like her in my head even. I was crying when Jeannie Seely sang 'Don't Touch Me' because her and Mom were best friends and I've heard her sing that song all my life." And the stars are still talking about Don Helms playing "Cold, Cold Heart" on the steel guitar he used when playing with Hank Williams Sr. "When it was over, Vince Gill couldn't speak," Bill Anderson said. "There were tears running down his eyes. He said, 'That's why I'm here.' " Gill asked Helms to join him on a song. Helms said, "I don't know the song." Gill said, "I don't care." The group joined together to sing "Happy Birthday" on video for Lynn Anderson's father. "It's like one of the MasterCard advertisements: priceless," she said. Celebrity columnist Beverly Keel can be reached at (615) 259-8073 or Beverly@tennessean.com. Garth's Sold-Out California Wildfire Show Adds Webcast Pre-Concert Webcast at GarthBrooks.com Anticipation continues to build for Garth Brooks' five sold-out concerts at L.A.'s Staples Center. Now, Garth is allowing allowing fans from across the country a behind-the-scenes look into the pre-concert activities. Garth has added a one-hour webcast prior to the first show at . The webcast will air on tomorrow night (1/25) starting at 4:30PM Pacific Time. In A Note From Toby Keith: ‘Tell Congress It's Time To Stand Up For America's Horses’… "When my friend, Willie Nelson, asked me to join him, his family, and the Animal Welfare Institute (AWI) in the fight against the slaughter of American horses for human consumption overseas, I said 'Absolutely, count me in.' Truth be known, my sister and I had already been doing what we could to protect horses from slaughter for quite some time; one more case of great minds thinking alike. "My family shares our 160-acre ranch in Oklahoma with many horses. I also have a 280-acre racehorse training facility nearby that is equipped with a 7/8 mile track with barns, paddocks, walkers, etc. My sister, Tonni, and I keep as many as 200 horses at any given time. A lot of them are retired and brought up here to live out their lives. "If we get too many, we sell some at auction. However, when we do sell horses, we put a $3,000 reserve on them so that they are too expensive to purchase for slaughter. If we bring one home that doesn't sell, my sis will work until she finds that horse a home, no exceptions. Sometimes we're faced with the tough decision to have our vet come out to put a suffering horse down. The idea has never occurred to me to send my horse to slaughter as a form of euthanasia, because slaughter isn't euthanasia. "My heroes have always been horses. The reason we take such good care of our horses is because we respect them tremendously. Historically, the horse has earned this respect by accepting the two-legged rider onto his back, fighting in our battles, and helping to settle the frontier. As Winston Churchill once said, 'There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man.' "We owe a great deal of thanks to horses, and now is the time for us to express that gratitude, because they need our help more than ever. More than 100,000 American horses were slaughtered in the U.S. last year and served up in fancy European restaurants. Texas and Illinois have outlawed the practice, closing down the only three foreign-owned horse slaughterhouses on U.S. soil. "This is great news, but our fight is far from finished. These companies are taking American horses on trucks several hundred miles without food or water across U.S. borders to slaughterhouses in Mexico and Canada where the slaughter is especially brutal. "The federal American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act (S. 311/H.R. 503) would close this route by banning the transport of American horses across U.S. borders for the purpose of slaughter. It will also stop the slaughter industry from simply choosing another state to set up shop. "It's time for Congress to pass the American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act into law. Join me, Willie, Bo Derek, John Corbett, the Animal Welfare Institute and over 75% of Americans in our effort to protect America's horses. Call your elected representatives in Washington, D.C. today and ask them to co-sponsor the American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act (S. 311/H.R. 503). "For more information on horse slaughter and how you can help make a
difference for our horses visit www.awionline.org/. To find your elected representatives, visit www.compassionindex.org/. As previously announced, > are all confirmed to perform Monday, February 25, 2008 at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island.
Tribute To The Country Music Legends
03/28/2008 07:00 PM - Anson Opera House - Tribute To The Country Music Legends 1102 11th Street Anson, Texas 79501 US Cost:$6.00 Description:This is a repeat performance!!! We sold out last May and had people sitting on chairs around the outter walls. They have been asking us to come back for some time. We were able to tie in with Brownfield, TX. It is a great show, and true country! Performers paying tribute to: Willie Luster from New Mexico as Hank Williams Sr. Mary McDonald from Oklahoma as Kitty Wells Ken Wayne from Illinois as Johnny Russell Stan Gelsthorpe from Iowa as Ernest Tubb Maggie Penn from Illinois as Loretta Lynn Johnny Moore from Nashville, TN as himself (He is Jeannie C. Riley’s Uncle) Kathy Wilcox...Texas Performers will be backed by Bo Boggs Band from Brownfield, Tx. Danny Letz from Anson, TX. will be playing the steel guitar -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 03/29/2008 07:00 PM - Rialto Theater - Tribute To The Country Music Legends [Edit] [Cancel] 408 W. Main Brownfield, Texas 79316 US Cost:$10 & $15 Description:Tribute To The Country Music Legends Show Featuring:Willie Luster from New Mexico as Hank Williams Sr. Mary McDonald from Oklahoma as Kitty Wells Stan Gelsthorpe from Iowa as Ernest Tubb Maggie Penn from Illinois as Loretta Lynn Ken Wayne from Illinois as Johnny Russell Performers will be backed by Bo Boggs Band from Brownfield, TX. For advance tickets write to: Tickets P.O. Box 207 Brownfield, TX. 79316 Be sure to include check or money order for the number of tickets wanted ... be sure to state how many tickets. OR Call 806-637-6848 OR806-638-0622 For advance ticket sales ### 03/28/2008 07:00 PM - Anson Opera House - Tribute To The Country Music Legends [Edit] [Cancel] 1102 11th Street Anson, Texas 79501 US Cost:$6.00 Description:This is a repeat performance!!! We sold out last May and had people sitting on chairs around the outter walls. They have been asking us to come back for some time. We were able to tie in with Brownfield, TX. It is a great show, and true country! Performers paying tribute to: Willie Luster from New Mexico as Hank Williams Sr. Mary McDonald from Oklahoma as Kitty Wells Ken Wayne from Illinois as Johnny Russell Stan Gelsthorpe from Iowa as Ernest Tubb Maggie Penn from Illinois as Loretta Lynn Johnny Moore from Nashville, TN as himself (He is Jeannie C. Riley’s Uncle) Kathy Wilcox...Texas Performers will be backed by Bo Boggs Band from Brownfield, Tx. Danny Letz from Anson, TX. will be playing the steel guitar -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 03/29/2008 07:00 PM - Rialto Theater - Tribute To The Country Music Legends [Edit] [Cancel] 408 W. Main Brownfield, Texas 79316 US Cost:$10 & $15 Description:Tribute To The Country Music Legends Show Featuring:Willie Luster from New Mexico as Hank Williams Sr. Mary McDonald from Oklahoma as Kitty Wells Stan Gelsthorpe from Iowa as Ernest Tubb Maggie Penn from Illinois as Loretta Lynn Ken Wayne from Illinois as Johnny Russell Performers will be backed by Bo Boggs Band from Brownfield, TX. For advance tickets write to: Tickets P.O. Box 207 Brownfield, TX. 79316 Be sure to include check or money order for the number of tickets wanted ... be sure to state how many tickets. OR Call 806-637-6848 OR806-638-0622 For advance ticket sales Badbob & Jimmy (aka Kevin Blake Weldon) is set to deliver his second comedy single, “Redneck Hunter,” on the January 21 (CDX 440, Track # 15). “Redneck Hunter,” a funny parody of the Gretchen Wilson smash hit, “Redneck Woman,” is the title single from the forthcoming BADBOB & Jimmy CD. It was written, sung, and produced by Weldon for BB&J Entertainment.
In “Redneck Hunter,” the fictional deer and turkey hunter, “Jimmy Huckleberry” meets his match - and his dream girl - a real redneck woman who wears camo waders and hunts deer illegally at night by spotlight from her pickup truck. “She’s a redneck hunter – ain’t no tree-huggin’ girl”
Recorded at Omni Sound in Nashville, and engineered by Randy Gardner, “Redneck Hunter” boasts a great lineup of session musicians, including, Mark Prentice on bass guitar; Wayne Killius on drums; Mike Severs on electric guitar; Pat Severs on acoustic and steel guitar; Jason Webb on piano; and Glen Duncan on fiddle and mandolin.
"This is probably my favorite song parody so far,” states Weldon. “It brings in a whole new aspect of Badbob & Jimmy by introducing 'HER' - every redneck hunter's fantasy! “Redneck Hunter” is already causing quite a stir at the radio stations who are playing it, and the hits at our website have jumped exponentially! It’s tons of fun because hunters don't quit listening just because deer season is winding down! After all, this woman hunts EVERYTHING!" **** Amy's Kitchen **** Chocolate-?clair Icebox Dessert from Dessert Du Jour 22 1/2 sheets (about 1 [14-ounce] box) low-fat honey graham crackers, divided Cooking spray 3 cups fat-free milk 2 (3.4-ounce) packages fat-free vanilla instant pudding mix 1 (8-ounce) tub fat-free cream cheese 1 (8-ounce) tub frozen reduced-calorie whipped topping, thawed 1/4 cup fat-free milk 2 tablespoons stick margarine or butter, softened 2 tablespoons honey 2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, melted 1 1/2 cups sifted powdered sugar Arrange 7 1/2 graham cracker sheets in the bottom of a 13 x 9-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Combine 3 cups milk, pudding mix, and cream cheese in a large bowl, and beat at low speed of a mixer 1 minute or until thick. Fold in whipped topping. Spread half of the pudding mixture over graham crackers, and top with 7 1/2 graham cracker sheets. Repeat the procedure with the remaining half of pudding mixture and 7 1/2 graham cracker sheets. Combine 1/4 cup milk, softened margarine, honey, and unsweetened chocolate in a medium bowl, and beat well with a mixer. Gradually add powdered sugar to milk mixture, and beat well. Spread chocolate glaze over graham crackers. Cover dessert and tent with foil; chill 4 hours. Yield: 18 servings CALORIES 234 (22% from fat); FAT 5.8g (sat 2.7g,mono 1.5g,poly 1.3g); PROTEIN 5.4g; CHOLESTEROL 3mg; CALCIUM 105mg; SODIUM 352mg; FIBER 0.8g; IRON 1mg; CARBOHYDRATE 41.5g
Do camels exist anywhere in the
wild?
Disclaimer :
All of my materials are
Borrowed from various areas on
the web and from my readers. All
are believed to be public domain . If you hold
copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: JIM4615@JOINK.COM or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection2234 ~ Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com |
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