Archives at Zinester: The Funnies. The Funnies. Humor & Jokes

I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Friday March 28,2008

Thought For Today:
"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife,
sharks for the wife's mother."-Ken Dodd

The case of the smoking modem
Five days old and starting to smoke.Everyone knows smoking will kill ya.Well that's not even funny
but it's exactly what happened. I was starting to work on Mondays Funnies when I smelled a funny sort of hot smell, looked up just in time to see a tiny bit of smoke arise from the modem.That was it ,She was gone. So I took my licks and called tech support. 90 minutes later , after we played do this do that to Bessie 4. I said enough.I surrender, I can't take it any more.Please send me a new modem.
Got it yesterday Bessie 4 didn't like it at all.I had to start over.Then I got this brilliant idea.System restore, it fixed about 90% ,then I fixed the rest.So were ready to go again.

If you haven�t read this anywhere yet, well, read it here first!

Newman/Haas/Lanigan Racing driver Graham Rahal, 19, will not compete in the IndyCar Series season opener this weekend at Homestead-Miami Speedway after his team was unable to repair damage to his car in time.

Rahal, the son of three-time CART champion and 1986 Indianapolis 500 winner Bobby Rahal, damaged one of the team's new Dallara chassis in a crash at Homestead on Tuesday night during the final day of a two-day test for Champ Car teams switching to the Indy Racing League. Because former Champ Car teams just recently took delivery of their new equipment, spare parts are at a premium. A Newman/Haas/Lanigan statement said that the team will focus on rebuilding Rahal's car for a test at Sebring International Raceway on April 1, prior to the St. Petersburg street race on April 6.

She complains about everything

Danica Patrick criticizes new IRL weight rule



Danica Patrick is listed as 5-2 and 100 pounds, which is the lightest in the IRL IndyCar Series.

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By Nate Ryan, USA TODAY
An Indy Racing League rule change has Danica Patrick feeling as if she'll be penalized for being petite � which the popular driver said wouldn't happen in other sports.
Starting this season, the minimum weight for IRL cars will include the driver, and Patrick is the series' lightest at 100 pounds according to the 2007 media guide (which lists other female drivers Milka Duno and Sarah Fisher at 120 pounds apiece; Ed Carpenter is the heaviest at 165).
"If someone's going to take the hit it's going to be me," Patrick said Thursday. "It's disappointing the league decided to do that. In so many other sports, athletes don't get penalized for being too strong, or too tall or too fast.
"(It's) just your God-given stature is being penalized. What am I going to do, though? It's not my decision. That's the people higher up (who) made their bed, and they've got to lay in it."
Patrick said she asked IRL officials about the reason for the change but said "they didn't really have one.
FIND MORE STORIES IN: Robby Gordon | Danica Patrick | Dan Wheldon | Richmond International Raceway | David Reutimann | Marco Andretti | God-given | Ed Carpenter | Sprint Cup | Michael Waltrip Racing | Sarah Fisher | Nationwide Series | Milka Duno | John Griffin | Homestead Miami Speedway
"I just follow the rules," she said. "Maybe I'll get more specific reasons somewhere down the line �"
IRL spokesman John Griffin said the rule was intended to reduce the difference between the lightest and heaviest drivers, which is a gap that can range from 75 to 100 pounds.
"We want to make absolutely clear this is not a Danica rule," Griffin said. "You look at guys like Dan Wheldon and Marco Andretti, and they're light guys."
Griffin wouldn't disclose the cars' minimum weight but said drivers are broken into three weight classifications. The heaviest would have weight reduced from its car while the lightest would have a maximum 35 pounds of ballast added.
"It's something that had been looked at and was in the back of our minds every year," Griffin said.
Patrick admits to having had a slight speed edge from weighing less in a sport where lighter means faster. An Associated Press story in 2005 reported rival teams estimated Patrick might gain nearly 1 mph because of her weight, and Sprint Cup driver Robby Gordon said he wouldn't race Patrick in the IRL until the series equalized weights as NASCAR's premier circuit does.
Patrick hopes to put the issue behind her by winning the season-opening Gainsco 300 at Homestead Miami Speedway on Saturday.
"Let's just do that," she said with a laugh, "and then I'll say, 'Why didn't you guys do this years ago?' "
Gracious offer:
David Reutimann would give up running for a Nationwide Series championship � and a larger share of each race's purse � if the result was more money and exposure for the series' teams without Sprint Cup ties.
"The only way to truly help is to give them more money so they can hire engineers and pay for wind tunnel time," Reutimann said during a Nationwide test at Richmond International Raceway.
Reutimann, who is running both the Cup and Nationwide circuits for the second consecutive season for Michael Waltrip Racing, believes NASCAR should redistribute its prize money to Nationwide-only teams and perhaps limit Cup drivers from earning points.
"If that takes me out of a seat and gives someone else an opportunity, maybe that's not a bad thing because I needed an opportunity one time," he said. "My first race was here in Richmond with one car, one motor and barely enough money for a set of tires." Jason Keller, the career Nationwide leader in starts (428), has "mixed emotions" about points restrictions.
"The series needs Cup flavor," he said. "But David hit the nail on the head � We do need more money."

Minus One