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The Funnies are
strictly a DOUBLE opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM If you choose to censore or delete it.The only ones hurt are those waiting on it and the people they could have helped  From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000 "Friends are God's way of taking care of us." These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG
When the icemaker in my new
refrigerator broke, I dropped Growing up as an army brat, I was always homesick for
the last base where we'd been stationed. My father would then tell me to think of one good thing about our new base that was different from any other place on earth. Years later, I lived in Fayetteville, N.C., which is near Fort Bragg. An army friend of mine from Tennessee was homesick for the mountains of his home state. Trying my father's old remedy, I told him, "Name one good thing about North Carolina." He thought for a moment. "Well," he said, it does keep the ocean from washing up on Tennessee." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I joined the U.S. Air Force, it was the first time I had ever flown in an airplane. We were corralled off the planes and onto buses. There must have been 50 scared young women on my bus. Disembarking at our living quarters, we were given our luggage and told to stand at attention. A sergeant came out, yelled, "Pick up your bags!" and then yelled to set them back down. This cycle was repeated for about ten minutes. Finally he looked at me and said, "Why couldn't the rest of you have been as smart as this young lady?" I stood there with only my purse over my shoulder and no luggage. For the first and only time, I silently thanked the airline for losing my 60-pound bag filled with everything but the kitchen sink. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road.Why not?" In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Marriage Is A Contract...They say marriage is a contract. No, it's
not. Contracts come with warrantees. When something goes wrong,
you can take it back to the manufacturer. If your husband starts acting
up, you can't take him back to his mama's house. "I don't know; he just
stopped working. He's just laying around making a funny
noise. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Duh Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance plan, I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected, the form was very thorough, leaving nothing to chance. One question asked, "Do you think you may need to go to the emergency room within the next three months?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly
preaching caution to the workers I supervise.
"Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is in our parking lot?"
The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends. Do you
mean coming in to work or
leaving?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My wife and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion, but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My wife got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?" To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think we add tax to the turkey." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Today's Links:
Video cute first one is for Moms second one for
Dads
Made with Scotch Tape (lots of pics wait till it loads)
Hypoglycemia http://en.wikipedia Burger Meals After Gas Prices http://community- Kid's Camps http://www.kidscamp Play Horror Movie Trivia http://www.kwanzoo. Tax Rebates Coming Early http://www.savvysug UCLA Employment Resume Builder http://www.chr. Boeing 787 Dreamliner http://www.shangral Brain Hacks http://www.mindpowe A Flat Minor... http://www.ezines4a <a href="http://www.ezines4a Puppy Love... http://www.ezines4a <a href="http://www.ezines4a Does It Wander? http://www.AikensLa <a href="http://www.AikensLa Turn It On? http://www.AikensLa <a href="http://www.AikensLa Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands. Please help, it won't cost ya a thing -1- Sam McGee, Grand Ole Opry, born Williamson County, TN 1894. Ott Devine, WSM executive/Grand Ole Opry manager, born Gadsden, AL 1910. Sonny James, born "James Loden," Hackleburg, AL 1929. Jimmy Gately born Springfield, MO 1931. Rita Coolidge born Nashville, TN 1944. Andy Griffin debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1954. Don King, singer/songwriter, born Fremont, NE 1954. Marty Robbins released "Jimmy Martinez/Ghost Town" 1961. Wayne "The Train" Hancock, born Dallas, TX 1965. Elvis Presley Married Priscilla Beaulieu in Las Vegas, NV 1967. Tim McGraw born Delhi, LA on May 1, 1967. He grew up as "Tim Smith," not knowing who his father was until he was twelve years old. Tammy Cochran born Geneva, OH 1973. Loretta Lynn named "Artist of the Decade," by the Academy of Country Music in 1980. Charley Pride joined the Grand Ole Opry 1993. Charlie and Emily Robison were married 1999. Security was tight as the Dixie Chicks Opened their summer tour in Greenville, SC in 2003. The show was their first on American soil, since Natalie Maines, told a London audience on March 10th, that they were ashamed that President Bush was from their home state of Texas. The Chicks requested around the clock police protection after receiving numerous death threats. Record producer, Tony Brown, was flown from UCLA Medical Center in L. A., to Nashville's Centennial Medical Center in 2003. He was recovering from a head injury received in a fall on April 11th in L. A. Tim McGraw's new movie "Black Cloud," debuted at the Nashville Film Festival in 2004. This was Tim's first acting role. Joe Diffie, age 45, and wife Theresa welcomed daughter Kylie Tarissa Diffie into the world 2004. Brad Cotter, age 33, was selected as the winner of the USA Network's Nashville Star, Season 2, contest in 2004. Prior to the contest, Brad was a demo singer in Nashville…sound familiar? Last year's winner Buddy Jewel, also came from the ranks of Nashville Demo Singers. Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views"
Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorrison2002@hotmail.com **** Country Music News **** Gene Autry biography receives honor Wednesday, April 30, 2008 – A biography of Gene Autry won an award as the best overall book on country music from the 25th annual International Country Music Conference (ICMC). " Public Cowboy No. 1: The Life and Times of Gene Autry," written by Holly George-Warren and published by Oxford University Press, will receive the Belmont Book Award when the honors are formally presented in May. "It's a great honor to receive this award for my biography of a man who did so much to advance the popularity of country music around the world," said George-Warren. "Gene Autry inspired numerous legendary artists - from Johnny Cash to Solomon Burke to Bob Dylan. I'm thrilled that by recognizing my book, the Belmont Book Award is also acknowledging Gene Autry's many contributions to country music." The
Lifetime Achievement Award recognizes a long-term commitment to linking books
with country music. This year, the award will be presented to the Country Music
Hall of Fame Foundation and Library. "This is the first time we've ever given
the Lifetime Achievement Award to an institution," said Don Cusic, chair of the
awards committee. "In the past, we have always recognized an individual with
this award. However, it was clear to us that the Country Music Hall of Fame
Foundation and Library deserves this
honor."
The
Charlie Lamb Awards are given to outstanding country music journalists. The 2008
honors will be awarded to Beverly Keel of The Tennessean in the contemporary
category and entertainment industry veteran Barry McCloud in the lifetime
category.
The
winner of the Belmont Book Award receives $1,000, funded by the Mike Curb Family
Foundation. Each of the recipients in the journalist category receives a check
for $500, funded by Gary and Peggy Walker, owners of The Great Escape, in honor
of legendary country music journalist Charlie Lamb. All of the awards will be
presented at the International Country Music Conference, which will be held at
Belmont University May 22-24
MerleFest attracts more than 76k Wednesday, April 30, 2008 – The just concluded Merlefest 2008 shindig attracted more than 76,000 people over four days, according to organizers. Preliminary estimates show that MerleFest 2008 overall participation reached 76,708, slightly below 2007's 79,412. "We are so proud that MerleFest fans remain committed to the event despite current economic conditions and threatening weather that included a storm delay on Saturday," says festival director Ted Hagaman. "Since we opened ticket sales in November, we have seen single day ticket sales outpace four-day ticket sales." MerleFest honors
the memory of Eddy Merle Watson and the musical contributions that he and
father, Doc Watson, have made. "When Merle and I started out we called our music
'traditional-plus,' meaning the traditional music of the Appalachian region plus
whatever other styles we were in the mood to play," said Watson. "Since the
beginning, the people of the college and I have agreed that the music of
MerleFest is 'traditional-plus' and this year's line-up shows what that is all
about."
Performers
included The Avett Brothers; Abigail Washburn & The Sparrow Quartet
featuring Bela Fleck, Casey Driessen, & Ben Sollee; Sam Bush; The Carolina
Chocolate Drops; Jerry Douglas; Levon Helm & The Midnight Ramble on the
Road; Solas "Reunion,"with Karan Casey & John Doyle; Ricky Skaggs &
Bruce Hornsby with Kentucky Thunder; Ralph Stanley & The Clinch Mountain
Boys; Marty Stuart & His Fabulous Superlatives; Rhonda Vincent and The Rage;
Dan Tyminski Band; Alison Brown Quartet with Joe Craven; Donna The Buffalo; Blue
Highway; The Claire Lynch Band; Dirk Powell & Riley Baugus; Tony Rice; Peter
Rowan; Ollabelle; Sally Van Meter; Rhonda Vincent & The Rage; Pete Wernick
& Flexigrass; Tim O'Brien; The Waifs; The Waybacks and Old Crow Medicine
Show.
Phil Vassar enjoys record week, but Strait remains first Wednesday, April 30, 2008 – Phil Vassar enjoyed his highest-charting studio disc ever as "Prayer of a Common Man" debuted in 10th on the Billboard 200 overall chart with 27,000 units sold. "American Child" debuted at 44 in 2002. But Vassar was only the third top selling country CD. George Strait was first with "Troubadour" and Taylor Swift second with her self-titled debut. Strait and Swift were 9 and 10 on the Top 200 chart. James Otto was fourth on the country chart with "Sunset Man" and 13 on the top 200. Lady Antebellum dropped to fifth on the chart after debuting in first last week with their self-titled debut. The trio is 16 on the overall chart after debuting in fourth. The charts will be released Thursday. **** Amy's Kitchen **** Breakfast Cookies from Dessert Du Jour 1 cup butter, softened 1-1/2 cups packed brown sugar 1 teaspoon baking soda 2 eggs 1/4 teaspoon almond extract 2 cups all-purpose flour 3 cups multigrain cereal flakes with cranberries and almonds 1. In a very large mixing bowl, beat the butter with an electric mixer for 30 seconds. Add brown sugar and baking soda. Beat mixture until combined. Add the eggs and almond extract; beat thoroughly. Beat in flour. Stir in cereal by hand. 2. Generously fill a 1/4-cup dry measure with dough and drop onto a greased cookie sheet. Press mound of dough into a 3-inch circle. Repeat with remaining dough, placing cookies 3 inches apart. 3. Bake cookies in a 350 degree F oven for 8 to 10 minutes or until edges are golden. Let stand on cookie sheet for 1 minute. Transfer cookies to a wire rack to cool. 4. Store the cookies in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 2 days. Or freeze them in a freezer container for up to 3 months. Makes about 14 large cookies. Nutrition facts per serving: calories: 333 total fat: 15g cholesterol: 68mg sodium: 295mg carbohydrate: 46g fiber: 1g Citrus-Herb Roasted Chicken from Recipe Du Jour 1 4-1/2- to 5-pound whole roasting chicken 4 teaspoons salt 2 teaspoons paprika (if available, use sweet, smoked paprika) 1 teaspoon onion powder 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon ground white pepper 1 teaspoon dried thyme, crushed 1 teaspoon ground black pepper 1/2 teaspoon ground sage 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper 1 large lemon, cut into 8 wedges 1 small onion, cut into 8 wedges 2 teaspoons minced garlic 1 teaspoon sugar 1 sprig fresh rosemary (optional) Lemon twists (optional) Fresh rosemary sprigs (optional) 1. Remove the giblets from chicken; discard or save for another use. If you like, rinse the chicken thoroughly on outside as well as inside the body and neck cavities. Let any excess water run off. Pat dry with paper towels. To prevent the wing tips from overbrowning and for a neater appearance, twist wing tips under back of the chicken. Set aside. Open and cuff back the top of a large, freezer-quality zipper-type plastic storage bag; set aside. 2. For spice rub: In a small bowl, combine salt, paprika, onion powder, garlic powder, white pepper, thyme, black pepper, sage and cayenne pepper. Remove 1 tablespoon of the spice rub; set aside. 3. In a medium bowl, combine the reserved 1 tablespoon of spice rub, lemon, onion, garlic and sugar. Squeeze a wedge of lemon over the lemon mixture. Cover and chill for 8 to 24 hours. 4. Use your fingers to rub and massage the remaining spice rub all over the chicken's skin and inside the body cavity. If possible, reach under the skin. Place chicken in storage bag. Seal bag and marinate the chicken in the refrigerator for 8 to 24 hours. (Note: Wear disposable latex gloves if you are squeamish about handling raw chicken.) 5. Preheat oven to 425 degree F. 6. Place chicken, breast side up, on a rack in a shallow roasting pan. Stuff the chicken's cavity with the lemon and onion mixture. If you like, add 1 sprig of rosemary inside the cavity. Roast, uncovered, for 15 minutes. 7. To slow-roast chicken: Reduce the oven temperature to 250 degree F. Roast, uncovered, for 1 hour. Use a squeeze-style baster or a pastry brush to baste the chicken with the pan juices. (Note: Be sure to thoroughly wash the baster or brush between basting.) Roast, uncovered, for 2-1/2 to 3 hours more, basting chicken with pan juices about every 30 minutes. (Note: Basting ensures the chicken will be moist.) Roast the chicken until the drumsticks move easily in their sockets and chicken is no longer pink. Remove chicken from oven. (Note: After roasting, to check the internal temperature of the chicken, insert an instant meat thermometer into the center of an inside thigh muscle. The tip of the thermometer should not touch the bone. Instant meat thermometer should register 180 degree F.) 8. To serve, transfer chicken to a large serving platter. If you like, garnish with lemon twists and rosemary sprigs. Makes 8 servings. Perfect Citrus Herb Faster-Roasted Chicken: Prepare chicken as directed above in Steps 1 through 6. Reduce heat to 375 degree F. Roast, uncovered, in a 375 degree oven for 1-1/2 to 2 hours or until drumsticks move easily in their sockets and chicken is no longer pink (180 degree F). Remove chicken from oven. Cover; let stand for 10 minutes before carving. Makes 8 servings. Nutrition facts per serving: calories: 381total fat: 25g saturated fat: 7g monounsaturated fat: 10g polyunsaturated fat: 5g cholesterol: 129mg sodium: 1261mg carbohydrate: 4g total sugar: 1g fiber: 1g ****A Parting Thought **** A computer-illiterate client called the help desk asking how to change her password. "Okay," I said, after punching in a few keys. "Log in using the password 123456." "Is that all in caps?" she asked.
Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are
believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright
on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: jim4615@verizon.net Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection and AVG EDITION 7.5 ~ Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com |
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