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Subject: The Funnies - May08, 2008



 
 

The Funnies are strictly a DOUBLE opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM
If you choose to censore or delete it.The only ones hurt are those waiting on it
and the people they could have helped




 
From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to T
he Funnies
est.7-4-2000    

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG


I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.


God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.


Today's country music video for: 
Janie fricke Johnny Duncan & Janie Frickie - Stranger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxR5oLFnVLA

Thursday May 8,2008

Thought For Today:Life is a coin.
You can spend it any way you wish,
but you can only spend it once!


Quickies

How come that a slim chance and a fat chance mean exactly the same?
.....................
I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors
all wear masks.
....................
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're probably built upside
down.
....................
To Mary, the love of my life -- There is nothing I would not do to
reach your side. I would climb the highest mountain! I would cross
the trackless desert! I would swim the widest ocean to be near you,
my beloved.
With love and tenderness, Jonathan
P.S. See you Saturday night, if it doesn't rain.
....................
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question. "Boys and
girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He
is n artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really?! How do you
know?" the eacher asked. "You know - "Our Father, who does art in
Heaven..."
....................
Louis was talking to his friend Max. "There's nothing I wouldn't do
for my Becky," he said, "and there's nothing Becky wouldn't do for
me.
And that's how we go through life - doing nothing for each other."
....................
Ritzy restaurant? Let me put it this way. In the one I went to last
night, the doggie bag was by Gucci.
....................
If you're all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed.
....................
Dear Abby, I have always wanted to have my family history traced,
but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any
suggestions? Sam
Dear Sam, Yes. Run for public office.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Astronomically Absurd"

The public didn't just fall for astronomer Patrick Moore's April
Fool's joke -- they jumped for it.

A radio announcement in Britain on April 1, 1976, informed the
public that at exactly 9:47 a.m. a rare astronomical event would
occur: The planets Pluto and Jupiter would align, causing a brief
but perceptible blip in the Earth's gravity. Moore urged
listeners to experience this once-in-a-lifetime effect by jumping
in the air a the precise moment of the planetary alignment. If
timed correctly, the jumpers would experience a momentary floating
sensation. Hundreds fell for this folly and called the station to
report their zero gravity.

Were the listeners really weightless... or merely clueless??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Have It Your Way"

A full-page ad in the April 1, 1998, edition of the newspaper USA
Today touted Burger King's newest menu item -- the Left-Handed
Whopper. The ad reassured readers that the burger contained all
of the usual ingredients but that the condiments were "rotated 180
degrees, thereby redistributing the weight of the sandwich."

This re-engineering of the Whopper was designed to reduce the
amount of lettuce, pickles and cheese that might spill out of the
right side of a left-handed eater's burger.

Thousands of Burger King fans devoured this hoax and asked for the
Left-Handed Whopper at their local eateries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I Smell Something Fishy"
On April 1, 1965, a professor told a television audience he had
invented Smellovision -- a device that could transmit smells right
through the TV. He fooled viewers into sniffing their sets while
he sliced onions and made a pot of coffee. Dozens fell for this
tempting notion and even phoned to say they could smell the whole
thing. (Don't try this at home -- no one wants nose prints on the
screen.)
~~~~~~The big new SUV had just gone on sale, and Chris just had to have one.
He went to the dealership and looked at the behemoth. It weighed two
tons, had 500 horsepower and the options included a ten- speaker
satellite radio, video, GPS navigation and every other option one can
imagine. He turned to the salesman and said, "I want it! How much?"
The salesman said, "I'm sorry, but this one has been sold and demand
is so strong that we won't be able to get one for a few months. But if
you give me a deposit, I can guarantee delivery on September 15, 2007.
"So I can pick up the SUV on November 15, 2007. Will it be ready in
the morning or the afternoon?"
The surprised salesman replied, "What difference does it make?"
"Well, the cable guy is coming that day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Misinterpretations Of Biblical Proportions
When my twin daughters were young, I taught them to say this
   prayer before going to bed. As I listened outside their door,
   I could hear them say, "Give us this steak and daily bread, and
   forgive us our mattresses."
When I was a child, I learned this prayer as "Our Father, who
   are in Heaven, Howard be thy name." I always thought that was
   God's real name.
When I was younger, I believed the line was "Lead a snot into
   temptation." I thought I was praying for my little sister to
   get into trouble.
My mother spent her early childhood praying, "Hail Mary, full
   of grapes."
My son, who is in nursery school, said, "Our Father, who art
   in Heaven, how didja know my name?"
I remember thinking this prayer was "Give us this day our jelly
   bread."
I recall reading something years ago about the Pledge of
   Allegiance. Some child thought it began, "I led the pigeons to
   the flag."
When I was little, I often wondered who Richard Stands was. You
   know "I pledge allegiance to the flag and to the republic for
   Richard Stands".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blame The Computer!!

Q: What is a computer's first sign of old age?
A: Loss of memory.

Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
A: Data.

Q: What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
A: The space bar.

Q: What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
A: It slipped a disk.

Q: Why was there a bug in the computer?
A: It was looking for a byte to eat.

Q: What is a computer virus?
A: A terminal illness.

Q: How did the mouse get out of the Russian Cthedral?
A: He clicked on an icon and opened a window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady's husband dies. She heads to the funeral home to make
arrangements. She's emphatic that the arrangements must be done
with elegance, and attention to detail. "For example," she tells
the funeral director, "I want no wooden chairs. Only padded ones.
All the comforts possible to be extended to the mourners. Have
the air conditioning set to a perfect 72 degrees. The flowers
should be beautiful, yet not overpowering in their scent." The
funeral director takes it all down.
The day of the funeral the widow is examining the viewing room.
She notices that the funeral director has not yet turned on the
air conditioner. She orders the director to turn it on so that
when the viewing starts, the room will be a perfect temperature.
As soon as the air conditioner is on, though, she notices her
deceased husband's hairpiece is flapping in the breeze caused by
the air conditioner. "This won't do!" She orders the director to
take care of the problem. He assures her that he will take care
of it, if she'll just wait in the outer office for ten minutes.
She leaves and comes back after exactly 600 seconds. Sure enough,
her husband's hair is all in place. A month later, the widow is
reviewing the bill for the funeral and she notices there was no
charge for the hair problem. She calls to inquire as to why.
She's told that it was "on the house." "Nonsense," she retorts,
"you expended time and materials and I will compensate you for
it. Now, give me a price!" "Ok, madam", the funeral director
wearily agrees. He holds the phone away and hollers across the
room, "Hey, Charlie, how much did those nails cost to put that
toupee in place last month?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ONE OR THE OTHER
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing: either it is a new car or a new wife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEN COMMANDMENTS

Ma and Pa made their annual visit to church for the Christmas Eve
service. As they were leaving, the minister said, "Pa, it sure
would be nice to see you and ma here more than once a year!"

"I know," replied Pa, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."

"That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep
the Commandments."

"Yup," Pa said proudly, "Ma keeps six of 'em and I keep the other
four."
~~~
PROTESTORS

To nobody's surprise there were protestors Friday in DC. They
attempted to disrupt the metro system and block the Key Bridge, a
leading artery into DC from Northern Virginia. I got hosed twice
because I came in from Northern Virginia on the metro and it was
raining hard which makes traffic worse any way. My commute was
long and arduous and only caused further resentment for protestors
(but that isn't the point of this thread).

Anyway, I'll get to the point. I got off my train in Rosslyn
because I had to use the bathroom and the train was moving quite
slowly. When I was getting back on the train, there were
protestors on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the
evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly
woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20ish)
female protestor offered her a pamphlet, which she politely
declined.

The young protestor put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a
gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Ma'am,
don't you care about the children of Iraq?"

The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my first husband
died in France during World War II so you could have the right to
stand here and bad mouth your country. And if you touch me again,
I'll stick this umbrella up your a** and open it."

I'm glad to report that loud applause broke out among the
onlookers and the young protestor was at a total loss for words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MAN QUOTE
My wife wanted to go somewhere truly expensive for the weekend. So,
I took her down the street to the local Service Station.

Two roads were in the pub, a Motorway and an 'A' Road, and they
were chatting at the bar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Motorway says to the 'A' Road: "I'm the hardest, meanest,
toughest road there is. I've got the highest speed limit, I have
the most lanes and carry the greatest volume of traffic.. I'm as
hard as nails, me."

The 'A' Road says: "Yes, but I'm the back-bone of the country.
There's many times more miles of 'A' Road than Motorway, I go
everywhere from countryside to city, big town and small town, and
in total I carry more cars than any other road. I am the
undisputed heavyweight champion of roads."

Then a small pink road walks up to the bar and orders an orange
juice and
lemonade. The Motorway and 'A' Road immediately go quiet, and
stare at their drinks, desperately trying not to catch the
attention of the small pink road, who gets his drink and goes and
sits in the corner.

The barman says to the Motorway and 'A' Road: "I thought you were
the biggest, baddest, toughest and best roads in the country!"

And the motorway replies: "Yeah, but you don't want to mess with
him -- he's a cycle path."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A good woman died and went to Heaven. When she arrived at the
Pearly Gates, St. Peter offered to take her on a tour of the
facilities. As they walked past the halo depository, she noticed
a sort of fence off in the distance

Intrigued, she asked St. Peter if they could look at it. "What's
a fence doing up here?" she asked.

"Oh, that's not exactly a fence," he replied. "It's a balcony
railing. You see, some folks arrive here and find that certain
friends or loved ones aren't here, and realize they must have
gone to Hell. So we have an arrangement with the Adversary
whereby our folks can stand at the railing and look down and find
their loved ones."

So they approached the railing, and the woman looked down. She
spotted a group of people wailing and tearing out their hair
while demons poked them with pitchforks. "What's the matter with
that group?" she asked. St. Peter took a look. "Ah," he
said. "Those are Southern Baptists who went to dances."

Then she noticed another group, screaming while they walked on
red-hot coals. "What are they being punished for?" she asked the
saint. He looked and replied, "Those are old-style Catholics who
ate meat on Friday."

Another group caught her attention. They were being whipped with
scorpion tails, and screaming. "And their sin?" she asked. St.
Peter looked and said, "Oh, those are Episcopalians who used the
wrong fork."
~~~~~~~
A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma.

Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?"

The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."
~~~~~~
Pastor's Announcement Before Offering:

"I would like to remind you that what you are about to give is
deductible, cannot be taken with you and is considered in the
Bible that the love of this is the root of all evil."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager
to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner
guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, the boy went to the kitchen and
proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his
father, who passed it to a guest. The boy came in with a second
piece of pie and again watched his father give it to a guest.

This was too much for the boy, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The
pieces are all the same size."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The apartment we rented was unfurnished, except for a beautifully
decorated cookie jar we found on a shelf in the kitchen. My in- laws
came to visit us shortly after we moved in, and we naturally used
the jar when we served refreshments. When Dad asked about it,
I told him the story. "When I was a boy," he said, "we usually kept
those jars under the bed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman had forgotten to get her estrogen patch prescription
refilled, and soon the symptoms of menopause -- hot flashes,
forgetfulness, irritability--returned.
At the drugstore, she found herself telling the pharmacist all
about my problems.
After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people asked
you to get this refilled?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A customer called my wheel-alignment shop one day wondering
what it would cost to fix a squeak in his steering. I told him to bring
the car in and I'd have a look at it. However, he had a better idea.
He had his wife turn the steering wheel back and forth and record
the noise. He then played it back to me over the phone. "Spray it
with oil," I suggested. He did. No squeak, no bill, and a satisfied
customer." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Today's Links:
 Video Dancing Parrot
 
 
Futuristic Movie Theater in China
 
Lightning is one of the most beautiful displays in nature. 
 
 
Game Boom Kaboom Kablam
Use your mouse to guide the point to the end. Avoid walls and explosions.


 The Last Letter
http://youngwithin.co.uk/lastletter.html

Beautiful Dixie
http://mybeautifulamerica.com/BeautifulDixie.htm

Judy w/ Mothers Day Poem
http://frommyheart2u.com/moms/mothersdaypoem

GasPrices By Zip Code Via Sue
http://autos.msn.com/everyday/gasstations.aspx?zip=&src=Netx

Windows XP Service Packs
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/322389

Keyfinder
http://www.magicaljellybean.com/keyfinder/

Color Code Email
http://imgsrv.worldstart.com/videotips/index.htm

Clown Minefields
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny798.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny798.html">Here!</a>

New packing methods?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1301.html
<a
href="
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1301.html">Here!</a>

Backyard Ice Rink
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/018.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/018.htm"> Here </a>

Drive Carefully
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/019.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/019.htm"> Here </a>

People who squawk about their income tax can be divided
into two classes: men and women
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 

 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214


About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim



****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****

Thanks Bill

-8-

Jimmie Tarlton of Darby & Tarlton, born Cheraw, SC 1892.

Homer Bailes of the Bailes Brothers, born Kanawha County, WV 1922.

Benny Martin, Bluegrass fiddler, born Sparta, TN 1928.

Rick Nelson born, "Eric Hilliard Nelson" Teaneck, NJ 1940.

Jack Blanchard of "Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan," born Buffalo, NY 1942.

Leon Huff, age 39, "Light Crust Doughboys" died 1952.

Billy Burnette, singer/songwriter, born Memphis, TN 1953.

The Solemn Old Judge "George D. Hay," age 72, died Virginia Beach, VA 1968. Inducted CMHF 1966.

Del Anthony Gray, "Little Texas" born Hamilton, OH 1968.

Keith Harling born Greenwood, SC 1963.

Reba McEntire made her chart debut in 1976 with "I Don't Want To Be A One Night Stand."

George Jones was arrested by Nashville Police for DUI 1982. The arrest was caught on film by a local TV cameraman, and broadcast around the world.

Willie Nelson's "Always On My Mind," goes to #1 in 1982, and later named the Song of the Year.

Universal released "An Introduction to Steve Earle" 2001.

Lily Pearl Black, daughter of Clint and Lisa Hartman Black born 2001. The birth was announced at the ACM award show.

Eminent Records released Rosie Flores' album "Speed of Sound" 2001.

Alan Jackson's album "Drive," certified Platinum X 4 (4 million sales.) 2003.

Darryl Worley was honored at the Tennessee State Capitol in 2003, for his support of U.S. troops all over the world. Later in the day Darryl was honored on Music Row with some # 1 party's for "Have You Forgotten."

Charley Pride underwent brain surgery in a Dallas hospital 2004. Pride is expected to make a full recovery.

Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorrison2002@hotmail.com

 **** Country Music News
****

 Porter Wagoner, Dick Clark, Brenda Lee, Conway Twitty win ACM awards
Wednesday, May 7, 2008 – Porter Wagoner, The Oak Ridge Boys, Brenda Lee and Dick Clark were among the winners announced Wednesday by the Academy of Country Music. The awards were part of the awards show to be held May 18 in Las Vegas.
The Jim Reeves International Award - Dick Clark. The award goes to an individual for outstanding contributions to the acceptance of country music throughout the world. In 1979, Clark joined forces with the Academy of Country Music to bring the show to NBC and then later to CBS.
 
Poet's Award - Bill Anderson and Fred Rose. They were picked to receive the first-ever Poet's Award, which honors songwriters for outstanding musical and/or lyrical contributions throughout their careers in the field of country music. Over the course of 50 years, "Whisperin' Bill" Anderson has written songs for some of the biggest names in country music, ranging from Ray Price to George Strait - and racking up 37 Top 10 country hits as a performer in his own right. In 1962, Anderson perched at number 1 for 7 weeks with his own song, "Mama Sang a Song" and repeated that remarkable achievement in 1963 with "Still." Contemporary artists such as Vince Gill, Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley and George Strait have all recorded songs penned by Anderson, who won his first Academy of Country Music award in 2007 for co-writing Strait's hit track "Give It Away."
 
Following the success of writing songs for Hollywood's singing cowboys, Fred Rose co-founded Nashville's first music publishing house, and nurtured the career of a young Hank Williams. Both men were charter inductees into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 1961. As a songwriter, Rose scored a Western-inspired hit, "We'll Rest at the End of the Trail" in 1936. He penned songs for legendary artists Gene Autry and Roy Rogers, landing his most famous hit posthumously with Willie Nelson's 1975 recording of "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain." Rose is an inductee of both the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame Rose. In 1942, he and Roy Acuff founded Acuff-Rose Music, still one of the most successful publishing companies in Nashville today.
 
Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award - Brenda Lee, The Oak Ridge Boys, Conway Twitty, and Porter Wagoner. The award honors individuals who are pioneers in the country music genre. Thanks to a string of pop hits in the 1950s and 1960s, Lee remains one of the best-selling female artists in history, and she introduced Nashville's music to audiences throughout the world. She made her first chart appearance in 1957 with "One Step at a Time," debuting on the Grand Ole Opry that same year and earning the nickname "Little Miss Dynamite" from the success of her following hit song "Dynamite." She became best-known for her beloved classic "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree." She joined the Country Music Hall of Fame in 1997 and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2002, becoming the only woman in history to be honored by both institutions.
 
Although rooted in gospel, the Oak Ridge Boys ultimately scored enormous success in country music with their four-part harmoniese. In 1978, the Academy of Country Music awarded them with two trophies - Vocal Group of the Year and Album of the Year. Their career momentum continued for another decade, with 17 number 1 hits, including "I'll Be True to You," "Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight" (an early cut for Rodney Crowell) and "Trying to Love Two Women." Their most famous song "Elvira" appeared in 1981 and won the Academy of Country Music's Single Record of the Year as well as a Grammy for country vocal group.
 
In 1970, Conway Twitty has a career hit with "Hello Darlin'" one of the most recognizable singles in country music history. He later he teamed with Loretta Lynn and the Academy of Country Music awarded their partnership with 4 trophies for Top Vocal Group in 1971, 1974-1976. In 1975, he won two more Awards for Album of the Year and Top Male Vocalist. Before he died in 1993, Twitty had scored a record breaking 40 number 1 hits, either as a solo artist or with Lynn.
 
Porter Wagoner's sparkling jackets were part of his persona during his 50 years on the Grand Ole Opry. He reached number 1 on the country chart with the song "A Satisfied Mind" in 1955. When television came into homes in the sixties, he had his own show with singing partner Dolly Parton, who wrote one of her greatest hits, "I Will Always Love You" about Wagoner. He died in 2007.
 
In the awards given to musicians, band and instrumental categories:
 
Top guitarist - Dann Huff
 
Top piano/keyboard - Matt Rollings
 
Top bassist - Michael Rhodes
 
Top percussionist/drummer - Shannon Forrest
 
Top steel guitar - Paul Franklin
Top fiddle - Stuart Duncan
 
Top specialty instrument(s) - Jerry Douglas
 
Audio engineer - Justin Niebank
 
Producer - Mark Wright
 
Radio awards:
 
National on-air personality:
The Big D and Bubba Show
The Lia Show
 
On air personality - major market
Gerry House & The house Foundation, WSIX- FM, Nashville, TN
 
On air personality - medium market
Valleri St. John, WWGR-FM, Ft. Meyers, FL
 
On air personality - small market
Gator & The Styckman, WGSQ- FM, Cookeville, TN
 
Radio Station - major market
WMIL- FM, Milwaukee, WI
 
Radio Station - medium market
WUSY- FM, Chattanooga, TN
 
Radio Station - small market
WGSQ- FM, Cookeville, TN
 
The Academy will present the special awards and MBI Awards to recipients at a special event in Nashville later this year, date to be announced. The Industry and Radio Awards will be presented during the New Artists' Party for a Cause on Saturday May 17, in Las Vegas.



Garth Brooks receives ACM honor
Wednesday, May 7, 2008 – Garth Brooks will become the first-ever artist given the Academy of Country Music Crystal Milestone Award during the 43rd Annual Academy of Country Music Awards on May 18. Brooks will also perform a special medley of his greatest hits during the telecast. The award is given to an artist or industry leader to commemorate a specific, remarkable achievement. This award was originally acknowledged during a presentation in Hollywood last fall celebrating the Record Industry Association of America's (RIAA) special recognition of Brooks' 123-million in unit sales. As the only solo artist in RIAA history to have 6 albums top the 10 million sales mark, Brooks has been certified the top-selling solo artist in U.S. history. His most recent release, "The Ultimate Hits," has sold 5 million units.
"The Academy wanted to more formally recognize Garth's career achievements and success," said Bob Romeo, Executive Director of the Academy of Country Music. "We felt the only way to underline his unmatched contribution to the genre of country music was to recognize him on our awards show."
 
"The ACM has always taken care of me and my music," said Brooks. "From Gene Weed to Bill and Fran Boyd, the ACM family has been a frontrunner in my career. I am flattered and humbled by what this award means. The fact that they have never awarded it before makes me feel the respect and the faith they have in me as an artist, and I will continue to work my butt off to make sure they are happy with their choice."
 


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  
Rosanna Rosanna Danna banana cake Crust:
1 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/2 cup brown sugar/br sugar splenda
1/4 cup) melted butter

Filling:
2 8 oz packages cream cheese
3 mashed ripe bananas
1 cup sugar/splenda
1 tbsp lemon juice
3 eggs

Topping:
1 cup lite sour cream
2 tbsp sugar/splenda
1 tbsp vanilla

To make crust, combine rolled oats, chopped pecans,
brown sugar and melted butter. Press into 9-inch spring
form pan; bake at 350 F about 18 minutes.
To make filling, beat cream cheese, bananas, sugar,
lemon juice and eggs until smooth. Pour on cooled crust;
bake at 350 F 40 to 45 minutes or until centre almost set.
Combine topping ingredients; pour over cake. Return
to oven; bake another 10 minutes. Garnish with additional
pecan halves. Serves 8 to 10.

Taste Tester Notes: This yummy dessert is a cross between
a banana cake and a cheesecake. Press the crust only
onto the bottom of the pan. For easier blending and to
avoid lumps, let the cream cheese come to room
temperature before using. I needed to bake the cake
for about 50 minutes before adding the topping, but do
check it at 40 minutes. It should just jiggle slightly in the
center. When putting the topping on, gently place spoonfuls
of it around the cake, then lightly smooth out. Let cake
cool on a rack, then refrigerate for several hours or
overnight before unmoulding and serving.


**** Today's Useless Fact ****

Smallest baseball player:

    Eddie Gaedel was the smallest player to ever play
professional baseball. He had a one-game major league career.
Eddie made his appearance as part of a publicity stunt stagged on
August 19, 1951.
    Gaedel, a midget, was 3 feet 7 inches tall and weighed 65
pounds. His team, the Saint Louis Browns was owned by Bill Veeck
at that time. Gaedel was announced as a pinch hitter for the
Browns leadoff hitter Frank Saucier.
    Gaedel stood at the plate in a Brown's uniform (in elf shoes)
wearing the number 1/8. Detroit Tigers pitcher Bob Cain could
hardly believe this was happening. He actually tried to pitch to
Gaedel's strike zone measured at 1 and a half inches.
    After two failed attempts, Cain softly pitched the third and
fourth balls about three feet above Gaedel's head. Gaedel
trotted down to first base accompanied by the roar of more than
18.000 fans.
     Jim Delsing, the Brown's regular center-fielder, came out
as a pinch runner to replace Gaedel. Gaedel patted Delsing on
the rump, waved to the cheering crowd and returned to the dugout.
     Eddie Gaedel was paid $100. Midgets were banned from
playing baseball later.





****A Parting Thought ****
You know your new Internet connection is a little slow when your
credit card expires while ordering on-line.


Last Call Y'ALL
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he
still ends up with the same boss.

See ya all tomorrow 

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
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