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strictly a DOUBLE opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM If you choose to censore or delete it.The only ones Sunday May 11,2008 hurt are those waiting on it and the people they could have helped ![]() From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000 "Friends are God's way of taking care of us." These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG
Sunday
May 11,2008 A Mother's Dictionary
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to
eat strained beets.
APPLE: Nutricious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42. BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning. BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically. BED and BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves. CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar. COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner. DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy
worrying about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge. DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR." DUMBWAITER: One who
asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them. ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something. EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife. FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the
question "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM"
FAMILY PLANNING: The art
of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of
financial disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are
wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids. HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded By, but not containing, dirty clothing. HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc. HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers. HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty. JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals. JUNK: Dad's stuff. KISS: Mom medicine. LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents. MAYBE: No. NO: not in a mother's vocabulary so a child understands. OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath
night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen
toy boats, cars and animals.
OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company. OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad. OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings. PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. QUICK: The speed at which a child
disappears when called.
RE-DRESS: What a three year old wants to do all day long, especially when mother is busy and the laundry is already piled up. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas. TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. UNDERACHIEVER: The child when asked to
do a simple chore.
VERBAL: able to whine in words WHO-DUN-IT: None of the kids that live in your house... XRAY: Vision of the kids
when hiding something from them.
YARN: A tall tale.
ZOO: What the house looks like with
toys scattered everywhere.
From Ms.Headache
Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are
believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright
on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: jim4615@verizon.net Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by Avast virus protection and AVG EDITION 7.5 ~ Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com |
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