The Funnies Archives Index | Subscribe | RSS
<< May10, 2008 - The Funnies May13, 2008 - The Funnies >>

Subject: The Funnies - May12, 2008



 
 

The Funnies are strictly a DOUBLE opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM
If you choose to censore or delete it.The only ones hurt are those waiting on it
and the people they could have helped




 
From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to T
he Funnies
est.7-4-2000    

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG


I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.


God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.


Today's country music video : 
Mel Tillis - Good Woman Blues 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YXNLnhv_IY

Monday May 12,2008
Thought For Today:

The golden years are when actions creak louder than words.


As a weekend disc jockey on our local radio station, I got pretty bored talking to a microphone for seven hours at a time. One Sunday I decided I would ask listeners to call me so I'd know that I wasn't alone. Five phone calls later, one of which was from my mother and another from my grandmother, I told listeners that unless I got more calls they would hear a grown woman cry on the air. A call came in as I started the next record. When I answered the phone, a friendly male voice said, "You are going to be thrilled to death. You've got forty listeners here!" After I expressed my delight, he said, "Yup. I've got the radio on in the barn for my cows."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
en I was a magazine editor, a young man approached me about a staff-writer position. He had studied dramatic arts in college, had been a professional actor, and also sang and played the guitar at local restaurants. "How come," I asked, "with all that talent and experience, you want to switch to a nine-to-five writer's job?" He started explaining that he enjoyed the arts, and writing was an art he'd always wanted to try, and so on. Suddenly he stopped his spiel, looked me in the eye and grinned. "Let's face it," he said. "I'm starving, and I'm trying desperately to get into a rut." I hired him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before setting off on a business trip to Tulsa, I called the hotel where I'd be staying to see if they had a gym. The hotel operator's sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it.

"We have over 300 guests at this facility," she said. "Does this "Gym have a last name?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Jimmy's mother was having difficulty gulping down the birthday cake he had made for her as a surprise.

When she was finished, Little Jimmy happily exclaimed, "I'm so glad you like it, Mommy. There should have been 32 candles on the cake, but they were all gone when I took it out of the oven."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: Ex # 2 liked to go camping. I hated it!
Jill: Yeah, I'm with you. Why should you work 50 weeks of the year
to spend 2 weeks pretending you're homeless?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father finds his four year old daughter outside brushing their
dog's teeth using his toothbrush. Dad asks, "What are you doing with my toothbrush?"
The daughter replies, "I'm brushing his teeth. But don't worry Dad,
I'll rinse it out when I'm done -- just like I always do."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A computer programmer, bored with his job, decided to start his own business. Wanting to do something totally different from his current occupation, he bought a mating pair of rheas and a large tract of land.

His rhea farm was soon doing a booming business as there appeared to be a great demand for the birds. Not being satisfied with just selling the birds, the rhea farmer started researching how the birds were being used. He found that all parts of the birds were being utilized, except the feathers. Nobody wanted the plainly colored rhea feathers.

The ex-programmer, now rhea farmer, purchased some equipment, technical people, and chemicals, and was soon selling fancy, colored rhea feathers. The resulting sales were amazing and made the new feather merchant very happy.

There was one small problem. The workers making the colored feathers were becoming quite ill. The concerned young man called in a number of doctors to determine the nature of the illness. It was discovered that without exception, the workers had developed a severe case of... "dye a rhea."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a man who owned some water front property in South Carolina. He was very happy with his property until he realized the there was a manatee that constantly swam in the waters that were "his".

This became more and more irksome to the man, until he could stand it no longer. At last he resolved to rid himself of the troublesome creature. Calling to it he said "hey, what's your name?"

"Hugh," came the reply, as Hugh obligingly swam over to the man. At this point the man grabbed Hugh and began to beat him viscously. The police were called and the man arrested. When the case came to trial, his lawyer argued it should be thrown out of court - since assault against a marine mammal was not an offense.

The judge overruled this argument. "Clearly," he said, "this is a crime against Hugh manatee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman in my office, recently divorced after years of marriage, signed up for a refresher course in CPR.

"Is it hard to learn?" asked someone.

"Not at all," my co-worker replied. "All you're asked to do is breathe life into a dummy. I don't expect to have any problems. I did that for 32 years."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS!

China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos.

There are so many Wing's and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY, people were always wingin wong numbers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thorn asks, "I know you're crazy about that little daughter of

yours, Martin. What are you going to do when she starts to date?"

Martin says, "I figure I'll take the first young man aside, put

my arm around his shoulder and pull him close to me so that only

he can hear."

"Then I'll say, 'Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She's

my only daughter and I love her very much. If you were thinking

about touching, kissing or being physically affectionate to her

in any way, just remember, I don't mind going back to prison.' "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you

don't understand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?

Someone who has a loophole named after him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CLINTON, La. - A professional landscaper in Louisiana who suffers

from painful heat rash said he was denied a request to wear a

short skirt because it's against the law. Jay Herrod's request was

turned down after he explained his situation to the Clinton Board

of Aldermen at a town meeting Wednesday, WAFB-TV, Baton Rouge,

reported. "It's very painful. It's easy for somebody to point their

finger at me and judge me, but honestly, if you went through what I

went through, you would do it too," Herrod said. Herrod reportedly

can often be seen in the summer wearing a small green skirt while

mowing lawns around town. He says the short skirt lessens his pain,

which is worsened by sweat build-up. Officials said Herrod's short

skirt goes against a city law barring anyone from sagging their

pants or exposing themselves. The board told Herrod they would

reconsider his request when he could provide a doctor's note.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PARMA, Mich. - A U.S. Navy medic who stopped on a highway to
help an ambulance in Parma, Mich., said he was stuck with a $60
towing fee after he left his truck behind. Hospital Corpsman
3rd Class Tim Moore said he abandoned his truck at the side of
an exit ramp to help calm a "hysterical" woman whose husband
was being treated for a heart attack inside the ambulance, the
Jackson (Mich.) Citizen-Patriot reported Monday. Moore said he
was asked by the ambulance crew to help administer CPR on the
way to the hospital. The man died in the emergency room and Moore
said insult was added to injury when he learned his truck had been
towed. Jackson County Undersheriff Tom Finco said abandoned vehicles
are usually tagged for about 48 hours before they are towed, but
Moore's truck represented a travel hazard because one corner of
vehicle was protrud- ing over the line onto the exit ramp. Moore
said the owner of the towing company declined to cut him a break
on the $60 fee. "It was obviously extenuating circumstances,"
Moore said, "but that's his right."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CINCINNATI - A husband of five days appeared in a Cincinnati court
and told the judge he fears for his life after his blushing bride
allegedly beat him up. Timothy Schaffer Jr. told the court after
Crystal Whitaker, 25, was arrested Saturday that he fears his wife
"very much," The Cincinnati Enquirer reported. Whitaker is accused
of striking Schaffer and threatening to kill him. She has been
charged with domestic violence. Schaffer said he has also been
threatened by his wife's friends. He said Whitaker had applied for
a passport and was planning a trip to Mexico. Whitaker was jailed
in lieu of $5,000 bond and ordered to steer clear of Schaffer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TORONTO - A Toronto woman says she is baffled by a letter saying her
driver's license has been suspended because she has never driven
a car or had a license. Anne Medeiros, 40, said she got a letter
from the Ministry of Transportation advising that her license
had been suspended based on "evidence of a medical condition that
would affect your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle," the
Toronto Sun reported. Medeiros said the letter contains accurate
information about her, such as her full name, birth date and
address. There is a license number printed, which she checked to
make sure wasn't her husband's, who has a license. It wasn't his,
she said. Ministry officials weren't available to comment during
the weekend, although Medeiros said she's concerned about who's
out there driving with her identity, the Sun said. "Obviously,
they're trying to suspend someone's license," she said. "And it
isn't mine, that's for sure."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** ON THIS DAY ****
SEATTLE, Washington (Reuters) -- A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday.

"We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around," said Lisa Broxson, a worker at the Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles (129 km) northeast of Seattle.

The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers' coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds.

It turns out the bear was a bit of a beer sophisticate. He tried a mass-market Busch beer, but switched to Rainier Beer, a local ale, and stuck with it for his drinking binge.

Wildlife agents chased the bear away, but it returned the next day, said Broxson.

They set a trap using as bait some doughnuts, honey and two cans of Rainier Beer. It worked, and the bear was captured for relocation.

******************************

Today's Links:
Baby Animals Slide Show
 
Jimmy's "Greeting Cards" New section for the little kids
http://jimmyssafeharbor.com/Pooh/Poohs_Home.html

Earth Calendar
http://www.earthcalendar.net/index.php

Sharkbreak
http://www.sharkbreak.com

Ecovolunteer
http://www.ecovolunteer.org
 
ZIP Skinny
 
Game Detonator
Help Walter defuse all the bombs.

The best things in life AREN'T free
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny519.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny519.html">Here</a>

Man Through The Ages
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/036.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/0.htm"> Here </a>

Deer John Letter
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/016.htm
<a href="
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/016.htm "> Here </a>

Doggy Dreams
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/017.htm
<a href="
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/017.htm "> Here </a>

Well Edgeukaetid
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/018.htm
<a href="
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200411/018.htm "> Here </a>

One Lawyer
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny744.html

Female Parking...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/015.htm

...somewhere behind...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1365.html
<a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1365.html">Here!</a>

Hidden Headstone Meaning
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/045.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/045.htm"> Here </a>


"The reason there are two senators for each state is
so that one can be designated driver."
Jay Leno

Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 

 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214


About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim

****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****

Thanks Bill

-10-

Carl T. Sprague, the "Original Singing Cowboy" born outside Houston, TX 1895.

Mother Maybelle Carter born 'Maybelle Addington' Nicklesville, VA 1909. Inducted CMHF 1970.

Bob Wills topped the charts with "New Spanish Two Step" 1946.

Hank Thompson's "The Wild Side of Life" went to No. 1 in 1952.

Harlan and Jan Howard married in Las Vegas, 1957.

Johnny Cash gave his first performance at Carnegie Hall in 1962.

Charlie Pride recorded his first hit "Just Between You and Me," 1966.

Dave Dudley sat atop the charts with "The Pool Shark" 1970.

Emmylou Harris' "Beneath Still Waters," went to #1 in 1980.

Dwight Yoakam's album "Guitars, Cadillacs, Etc." certified platinum 1989.

Garth Brooks, John Anderson, and Ralph Emery appeared together at the Crazy Horse Saloon, in Santa Ana, CA in 1993.

Shelby "Shel" Silverstein, age 68, died in Key West, FL 1999. Inducted NSHF 2002.

Andrea Zonn debuted on the Grand Ole Opry, in 2003. Vince Gill was her back-up singer.

Gordon Lightfoot appeared at Toronto's Massey Hall in 2004, after a two-year absence from performing due to illness.

-11-

Chick Hurt, "The Prarie Ramblers," born Willowshade, KY 1901.

Ocie Stockard, Western Swing/multi-instrumentalist, born Crafton, TX 1909.

Bob Atcher, singing cowboy, WLS National Barn Dance, born Hardin County, KY 1914.

Mark Herndon "Alabama's drummer," born Springfield, MA 1955.

Elvis bought his first home at 1034 Audubon Drive, in Memphis, TN 1956. Elvis paid $40,000.00 in cash for the home, which he shared with Gladys and Vernon.

The Everly Brothers debuted on the Grand Ole Opry in 1957.

Buddy Holly & the Crickets audition for Arthur Godfrey's "Talent Scouts" TV program, they were rejected, 1957.

Buck Owens' "Second Fiddle," became his first chart song in 1959.

Bill Anderson's #1 single "Still" debuted on Billboards Top 40 Chart 1963.

Marty Robbins recorded "A Man And A Train" 1973.

Glenn Sherley died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Gonzales, CA 1978.

John Ashby, age 63, of the Free State Ramblers, died 1979.

Lester Raymond Flatt, age 64, died in Nashville in 1979. Inducted CMHF 1985. IBMAHH 1991.

Ritchie Valens receives a posthumous star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, 1990

Willie Nelson's album "Honeysuckle Rose" certified multi-platinum 1992.

Steve Wariner joined the Grand Ole Opry 1996.

Walter Hyatt, age 47, founder of Uncle Walt's Band, killed in the crash of ValuJet flight 592 into the Everglades swamp in Florida 1996.

Trace Adkins married wife Rhonda at Nashville's Belle Meade Mansion in 1997.

Eddy Arnold announced his retirement in 1999.

Minnie Snow, age 89, widow of Hank Snow, died in Nashville, on Mothers Day 2003.

Born to Jamie O'Neal and husband Rodney Good, a beautiful daughter "Aliyah," in 2003.

Glenn Campbell, age 68, pled guilty to 'Extreme Drunken Driving,' and 'Leaving The Scene of an Accident,' in 2004. Charges of Aggravated Assault on a Police Officer were dropped in the plea agreement. The Rhinestone Cowboy will serve ten days in jail, and serve 75 hours of community service.

-12-

The Duke of Paducah born "Benjamin Francis Ford," in Desoto, MO 1901. Joined the Grand Ole Opry 1942. Elected CMHF 1986.

Tiny Moore, electric mandolin, born Hamilton County, TX 1920.

Joe Maphis, of "Joe & Rose Lee Maphis," born Suffolk, VA 1921.

Bill Woods a.k.a. the "Father of the Bakersfield Sound" born Denison, TX 1924.

Bob Montgomery, songwriter/producer, born Lampasas, TX 1937. Early in his career Bob teamed with Buddy Holly as "Buddy & Bob."

Billy Swan born Cape Girardeau, MO 1942.

Eddy Arnold's "Anytime" topped the charts in 1948.

Leon Eric "Kix" Brooks III, born Shreveport, LA 1955. Kix moved to Nashville in 1979.

The Frank Sinatra Timex TV special, stars Elvis Presley 1960.

Billy Walker's "Charlie's Shoes" was #1 in 1962.

Buck Owen's "My Heart Skips A Beat" topped the charts 1964.

Bobby Bare won a Grammy Award for "Detroit City," 1964.

Edward James Kilgallon, "Ricochet," born East Greenbush, NY 1965.

W. Lee "Pappy" O'Daniel, age 59, founder of the "Light Crust Doughboys" died 1969.

Jerry Lee Lewis was granted a divorce from cousin Myra, 1971.

Emmylou Harris' "Beneath Still Waters" was #1 in 1980.

Travis Tritt's first #1 single, "Help Me Hold On" became reality in 1990.

George Jones pled guilty in Franklin, Tennessee to Driving While Impaired, and having an open container of liquor in his vehicle in 1999. The charges were the result of his near fatal traffic accident on March 6th, when he drove off a bridge. George was fined $550.00 and allowed to keep his drivers license.

Darryl Worley and Beverly Dean Irvin were married in Darryl's hometown of Savannah, TN in 2001.

Johnny Wright of "Johnny & Jack" honored on the eve of his 90th birthday in 2004. Family and friends gathered at the Texas Troubadour Theater in Nashville for the celebration.



Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorrison2002@hotmail.com

 **** Country Music News
****
Gospel singer Dottie Rambo killed in bus accident
Sunday, May 11, 2008 – Gospel giant Dottie Rambo, 74, whose songs were recorded by Dolly Parton, Porter Wagoner, Mel Tillis, Vince Gill and Alison Krauss, was killed Sunday in a tour bus accident in Missouri while en route to a concert in Texas.
The bus Rambo traveled on struck a guard rail and hit an embankment. Rambo was dead at the scene. It was unclear if weather conditions contributed to the accident. 
 
The Madisonville, Ky. native was born March 2, 1934 and listened to country music as a youth. She learned to play guitar while listening to the Grand Ole Opry on WSM radio. By the time she was 10, she played country music songs on a local radio station. As a youth, she went on the road playing gospel music. She later was signed to a publishing deal for $3,000 by Louisiana Gov. Jimmie Davis, who also was a country and gospel singer. 
 
Rambo gained fame as a gospel singer, but she also was a writer. Among the country acts cutting her songs were 
 
Elvis Presley ("If That Isn't Love"),
Barbara Mandrell ("I Will Glory In The Cross"),
The Whites ("He Hasn't Lost His Touch", "I Don't Have The Heart", "Brand New Breed Of Believers"),
The Oak Ridge Boys ("Sailing Toward Home", "He Looked Beyond My Fault And Saw My Needs", "Mama's Teaching Angels How To Sing" among others),
Dolly Parton ("Stand By The River"),
Dottie West ("Tiny"),
Porter Wagoner ("Sheltered In The Arms Of God"),
Mel Tillis ("Remind Me Dear Lord"),
Hank Snow ("Just One Of A Kind"),
Bill Monroe ("It's Me Again Lord"),
Rhonda Vincent ("Sheltered In The Arms Of God", "Just One Of A Kind"),
Jerry Lee Lewis ("He Looked Beyond My Fault and Saw My Needs", "Too Much To Gain To Loose"),
Vince Gill with Tim Surrette ("Tears Will Never Stain The Streets Of That City"),
Crystal Gayle ("Tiny"),
Larry Gatlin ("Sheltered In The Arms Of God", "Too Much To Gain To Loose"),
Wanda Jackson ("I've Never Been This Homesick Before", "It's Hard To Sing The Blues", "I Will Glory In The Cross", among others),
Jim and Jesse ("Just One Of A Kind"),
Connie Smith ("In The Valley He Restoreth My Soul", "Don't Let Me Walk To Far From Calvary", among others),
Charlie Louvin ("When Is He Coming Again"),
Alison Krauss and The Cox Family ("Remind Me Dear Lord"),
The Isaacs ("He Ain't Never Done Me Nothing But Good"),
Jeannie C. Riley ("Love Letters" among others) and
Jean Shepard ("Too Much To Gain To Loose").

Carrie Underwood joins the Grand Ole Opry
Sunday, May 11, 2008 – Carrie Underwood became the newest member of the Grand Ole Opry Saturday night, inducted by fellow Oklahoman, Opry member Garth Brooks, before a sold-out Opry House audience.
Presenting Underwood with the Opry Member Award, Brooks said, "Nothing will last as long or be more important than this award right here tonight. Congratulations." 
 
Giving the award a kiss, Underwood beamed, "This is going to have a very special place in my awards case." Her voice breaking, she continued, "I want to thank everybody at the Opry for having me as part of your family because it is such a great family to be a part of...it really means everything to me. I am so blessed." 
 
Underwood made her Grand Ole Opry debut on June 10, 2005, 2 weeks after winning American Idol. Her love for the Opry started as a child as she grew up watching and listening to the show, dreaming of one day performing there and even becoming a member herself.

Move over Nashville Star, here comes Next GAC Star
Friday, May 9, 2008 – Nashville Star has competition thanks to Great American Country (GAC) in the form of The Next GAC Star, a nationwide talent search for the next country music star, in a partnership with artist development company Music Nation.
Six finalists will be flown to Nashville to be featured in a final 2-part television special on Sept. 3 and 10, with a live elimination in the second show. The winning artist will receive a record deal and a music video, which will air on GAC. 
 
Through July 14th, GAC will accept video, mp3s, and photos from hopeful country music enthusiasts looking for their shot at becoming a recording artist at www.gactv.com/star. In addition to submitting videos online, some applicants will be able to tape audition videos in-person by visiting the GAC Summer Tour Bus, which hit the road May 1 and will travel throughout the summer. 
 
"There are two phenomenon currently at play in the music industry: the rise of consumer-generated music content on the Internet and the success of artists participating in national talent competitions. Thanks to our relationship with Music Nation, we've incorporated both aspects into one show with The Next GAC Star," says Sarah Trahern, senior vice president of programming for the network. "Viewers can upload their favorite performances online with the hopes of seeing themselves on the network and possibly winning it all." 
 
Voting begins May 23rd and will run in 3 phases. For the first eight weeks, the public will vote on submissions using Music Nation's head-to-head player, which randomly pits two artists against each other and asks the user to choose a favorite. During this period, there will be two weekly winners: the highest ranked artist from the head-to-head standings and an "Industry Insiders" Pick, an artist collectively chosen by GAC and Music Nation staffers. Select video submissions will also air in the new series, Next GAC Star, which premieres on June 1 and will broadcast every Sunday. 
 
During the second phase, the 16 weekly winners will be narrowed down to a field of 6 by Next GAC Star's panel of celebrity judges, to be announced in June. Finally, these six finalists will move on to be featured on the two TV specials, where the Next GAC Star will ultimately be determined. 
 
"In the past, we've launched a number of successful talent searches for the rock, pop, and urban genres, and this new partnership with GAC allows us to extend our brand into the devoted country music fan base," says Daniel Klaus, Music Nation CEO. "This competition allows undiscovered artists a real shot at the career they dream of, in addition to having their music played on GAC." 
 
Interested artists and viewers can get more information on Next GAC Star by visiting www.gactv.com/star
 

 
**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Diabetic Delight...
 Teriyaki Steak Sandwiches
1 Tbs. olive oil
1-1/2 lbs. flank steak, cut across the grain into 1/8 inch strips
1 clove garlic, minced
1 Tbs. fresh ginger, minced
 1/4 lb. mushrooms, sliced
 1 small onion, thinly sliced
 3 Tbs. cornstarch
 1-1/2 cups beef stock
 1/4 cup teriyaki sauce
4 slices French bread, 1/2 inch thick, toasted

Heat oil in a heavy nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.
Saute steak strips, garlic and ginger about 5 mins stirring
frequently, until steak is no longer pink. Transfer steak to a
platter and set aside. Add mushrooms and onions to same
skillet and saute 3-4 mins, stirring frequently, until tender.
Combine cornstarch and stock in a jar with a tight-fitting lid.
Shake vigorously. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
Add teriyaki sauce and shake again. Stir teriyaki mixture
into mushrooms in skillet and simmer about 3 mins stirring
frequently, until sauce begins to thicken. Return steak to skillet.
Cook 1-2 mins or until steak is heated through. Serve steak
over toasted bread.

Per serving:
cals 428, fat 17.5g, 37% cals from fat, chol 86mg, protein 40.0g,
carbs 26.2g, fiber 1.8g, sugar 3.9g, sod 1244mg, diet points 10.2.
Dietary Exchanges: Milk: 0.0, Vegetable: 0.8, Fruit: 0.0, Bread: 1.2,
Lean meat:0.0, Fat: 2.7, Sugar: 0.2, Very lean meat protein: 5.1



Burrito Pie..
2 pounds ground beef
1 onion, chopped
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1 (2 oz) can black olives, sliced
1 (4 oz) can diced green chili peppers
1 (10 oz) can diced tomatoes with green chile peppers
1 (16 oz) jar taco sauce
2 (16 oz) cans refried beans
12 (8 inch) flour tortillas
9 ounces shredded Colby cheese
 
Oven 350?F Serves 16
Preheat oven. In a large skillet over medium heat, saute
the ground beef for 5 minutes. Add the onion and garlic,
and saute for 5 more minutes. Drain any excess fat, if
desired. Mix in the olives, green chile peppers, tomatoes
with green chile peppers, taco sauce and refried beans.
Stir mixture thoroughly, reduce heat to low, and let simmer
for 15 to 20 minutes.
 Spread a thin layer of the meat mixture in the bottom of
a 4 quart casserole dish. Cover with a layer of tortillas
followed by more meat mixture, then a layer of cheese.
Repeat tortilla, meat, cheese pattern until all the tortillas
are used, topping off with a layer of meat mixture and cheese.
 Bake for 20 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, or until
cheese is slightly brown and bubbly.
 
Nutrition Info Per Serving
Calories: 431 kcal|Carbohydrates: 33 g|Dietary Fiber: 4 g
|Fat: 23 g|Protein: 19 g|Sugars: 2 g 


**** Today's Useless Fact ****


What happened to Dolly, the cloned sheep? Did she ever have offspring and is she still alive?

Since her creation, Dolly, cloned from a mammary cell of a six- year-old sheep, has been big news. We hoped she was still making headlines as we set out to learn her fate. we learned that Dolly did indeed give birth -- on April 13, 1998, she had a healthy lamb named Bonnie. And a year later, she gave birth to triplets. All were conceived "the old fashioned way."

Further, we found an article from CNN.com that stated that in March of 2001, Dolly and the rest of the livestock housed at the Roslin Institute near Edinburgh, Scotland, were threatened by the foot-and-mouth epidemic sweeping through Britain. In response, Dolly was quarantined, and visitors, who have flocked to see her since her birth, were banned.

Later article dated July 5, 2001, reports that celebrations for Dolly's 5th birthday were put on hold due to the quarantine, so Dolly celebrated her special day in isolation.

Sadly, Dolly died on February 14, 2003. She was suffering from progressive lung disease and scientists at the Roslin Institute made the decision to put her to sleep. Her body was preserved and is now on display at the National Museum of Scotland.





****A Parting Thought ****

"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office."
Last Call Y'ALL
See ya tomorrow
Next time y'all wave at me, use more than one finger, please.


HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. 
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME  

The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.

Our features are intended to be for entertainment only.

Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer.
~
GOD BLESS
AMERICA
   ~ 
To subscribe, Click on a link below

http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies
~
To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list
click on link at the end of this mailing
~
Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004
Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or
comments at:
jim4615@verizon.net
Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list


God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE

Scanned by Avast
virus protection
and AVG EDITION 7.5

~
Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com












<< May10, 2008 - The Funnies May13, 2008 - The Funnies >>
The Funnies Archives Index | Subscribe | RSS
Google
 
Web http://archives.zinester.com
Archives powered by Zinester's Mailing List Service
Details on The Funnies
Browse for more newsletters at Zinester's Ezine Directory
Managed by Zinester's Mailing List Management