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Subject: The Funnies - May16, 2008



 
 

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If you choose to censore or delete it.The only ones hurt are those waiting on it
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From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to T
he Funnies
est.7-4-2000    

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG


I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.


God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.


Today's country music video for: 
 

Friday May 16,2008
The midnight jamboree
watch live
on
http://www.ernesttubb.com/



Sunday morning following t he opry
This week's guest

The Grascals


Thought For Today: I feel like the tin man
left in the rain,I really need an oil can 

Our city-bred teacher brought some eggs into class in our country school and told us we'd soon witness the hatching of our own chicks. We watched in anticipation after they were settled in their nest of straw under lamps, but by the weekend they still hadn't hatched. We arrived back on Monday morning full of curiosity, hoping we had chicks. We didn't, and they were now overdue.

Later that day we overheard our teacher discussing the situation with his colleague, who suggested they might be dead. "I don't understand how," our teacher said. "I even took them home on the weekend and kept them in the fridge so they wouldn't spoil."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him
is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and
jeans.

Saint Peter says to the guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or
not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I`m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi- driver,
"Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of
Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it`s the
minister`s turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow,
pastor of Saint Mary`s for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this
cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver, and he
gets a silken robe and golden staff. I get a simple cotton robe and
wooden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached,
people slept; but while this guy drove, people prayed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I were planning to serve chili at a party for her extensive family. She gave me a grocery list, and at the store I picked up the fruits, eggs and milk, and then went to the meat counter where I ordered 35 pounds of hamburger. The butcher commented: "That's a lot of meat. You must be having a heck of a party."

When I got home, I took in two bags of meat and went back to the van. I returned with two more grocery bags. After repeating this four times, I started to walk out again when my wife gave me a puzzled look. "Pete, what on earth did you buy?"

I should have kept that grocery list for evidence -- I'm sure there was no decimal point between the numbers 3 and 5.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out,
turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted
comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little
plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about
to let the insult go by, came back with a real
zinger:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have
enough parts for another one."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a trail guide in a national park, Danny ate with the rest of the
seasonal staff in a rustic dining hall, where the food left something to
be desired.
       When they were finished with their meals, they scraped the
remains into a garbage pail and stacked the plates for the dishwasher.
       One worker, apparently not too happy after his first week on the
job, was ahead of Danny in line. As he slopped an uneaten plate of food
into the garbage, Danny heard him mutter, "Now STAY there this time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was
meeting with considerable sales resistance.

"Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer.

"Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding
around on a cow."

"Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as I'd look trying to
milk a bicycle!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a visit to my wife, Tania's, native England for our honeymoon, we
arrived at London's Gatwick Airport.

Tania headed for the British passport control line while I, an American,
waited in the foreigners' line. When my turn came up, the customs
officer asked me the purpose of my visit.

"Pleasure," I replied, smiling broadly. "I'm on my honeymoon." The
officer looked first to one side of me, then the other.

"Really? That's very interesting, sir," he said as he stamped my
passport....

"Most men bring their wives with them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Married life is full of excitement and frustration:

* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl asked her father: "How did the human race appear? The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children; and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her father and said, "Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?"

The father answered, "Well, Dear, it is very simple.  I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After earning my degree in broadcast journalism, I was
fortunate to land a job as a disc jockey at a top-rated
local radio station. One day before work, I stopped by
my parents' house, where my mother was chatting with
some friends. She introduced me to everyone and
proudly mentioned that I had my own radio show. "How is
it having a son who's a popular radio personality?" asked
one friend.
"It's wonderful!" Mom replied with glee. "For the first time
in his life, I can turn him off whenever I please." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our son lived at home all four of his undergraduate years.
He moved out only when he went to grad school and got
an apartment. The first time my husband and I went to see
his new place, Matt greeted us, saying, "I'm glad to finally
be the host." As we walked in the door, my husband
whispered to me, "Instead of the parasite."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was manning the register at a busy Italian restaurant when
a customer walked up with his check, totaling $14.92. "That's
when Columbus discovered America," he commented.
"You don't really believe that, do you?" I responded. "I
mean, the Native Americans were here long before he
showed up." We continued in this vein for several minutes.
Meanwhile, a line had begun to form. After my customer
left, the next patron in line came up to my counter and
impatiently asked me what was going on. "Oh, we were
talking about historical events," I said.
"Well, then," said the irritated customer, "can you tell
me what happened the year I started waiting in line?" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One morning while a locksmith had come to change the
locks in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I
turned to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading
out. As I got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog
staring at me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy,"
I said. "Now you be good. Okay?"
From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heavy rain had buried my van in mud, on our driveway.
My husband, Scott, dug around the wheels, rocked the
van back and forth and finally pushed me free. I was on
the road when I heard an odd noise. I got on my cell and
called home. "Thank God you answered," I said when
Scott picked up. "There's this alarming sound coming
under the van. For a moment I thought I was dragging
you down the highway."  Then he said "And you didn't stop?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All my husband wanted was to pay for some batteries,
but none of the clerks in the electronics store seemed
interested in helping him. "I've got an idea," I said, and
pulled a tape measure out of my purse. I stepped over
to one of the giant plasma-screen TVs and started to
measure it.
Faster than you can say high definition, a young man
came running over. "May I help you?" he asked breathlessly.
"Yes," I said. "I'd like to buy these batteries." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's Links:
 Video Dancing Sea Lion
 
USA National Gas Temperature Map
 
World Gazetteer
 
A Must See  Yucky, critters alert!
 
 

Password Generator
http://www.alnichas.info/

Example AOL Email Addresses
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Which is Larger?
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 Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men,
but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons
down the back?"~Author Unknown but undoubtedly male~


Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 

 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214


About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim


****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****

Thanks Bill

-16-

Gene Autry's "At Mail Call Today" was #1 in 1945.

Nick Forster, "Hot Rize," born Beirut, Lebanon 1955

Brenda Lee released "I'm Sorry," 1960.

Faron Young's "Hello Walls" went to #1 1961.

Marty Robbins released "I Told My Heart/Is There Any Chance" 1960.

Merle Haggard recorded his #1 single "Workin' Man Blues," 1969.

Rick Trevino born Austin, TX 1971.

Don Williams' "Some Broken Hearts Never Mend" was #1 in 1977.

Alabama released their first RCA single "Tennessee River," 1980.

George Strait debuted on the charts in 1981, with "Unwound."

Johnny Cash became ill with an irregular heart beat during a concert 1986.

Garth Brooks played the first of three consecutive nights in Dublin, Ireland in 1997. The combined three shows drew over 120,000 fans.

Renaissance released Lacy J. Dalton's "Anthology" 2000.

Joe Ely released his "Live at the Cambridge Folk Festival" 2000.

-17-

Grant Turner, Grand Ole Opry announcer for 49 years, born Abilene, TX 1912. Inducted CMHF 1982. CMDJHF 1975.

Dorris Paul Warren, Bluegrass fiddler, born Lyles, TN 1918.

Brad McCuen, founder of Mega Records/record producer, born New York City 1921.

Cousin Herb Henson, born East St. Louis, IL 1925.

Arthur Lee "Red" Smiley, of "Reno & Smiley" born Marshall, NC 1925.

Ben Smathers, founder of The Stoney Mountain Cloggers" born Hendersonville, NC 1928.

Jimmie Rodgers recorded "Blue Yodel No. 12/I'm Free From The Chain Gang Now" 1933.

Jesse Winchester songwriter/singer, born Shreveport, LA 1944.

Penny DeHaven, born "Charlotte DeHaven," Winchester, VA 1948.

Johnny Horton debuted on the Louisiana Hayride 1952.

Ray Price debuted on the charts with "Talk To Your Heart," 1952.

Pat Flynn, "New Grass Revival," born Los Angeles, CA 1952.

Ralph Emery emceed four performances of a huge Country Music show held at Madison Square Garden in 1964. The show featured Buck Owens, Ernest Tubb, Bill Monroe, Webb Pierce, Bill Anderson, Stonewall Jackson, Skeeter Davis, Porter Wagoner and Leon McAuliffe. The show was a huge success.

Wiley Walker, age 54, of "Wiley & Gene" died 1966.

Glen Campbell's single "Where's The Playground Susie" charted 1969.

Freddy Fender's very first album "Before The Next Teardrop Falls," went to No. 1 in 1975.

Merle Haggard and Clint Eastwood's "Bar Room Buddies," charted 1980.

Merle Haggard and George Jones recorded "Yesterday's Wine" 1982.

Hank Williams Jr. topped the charts with "Ain't Misbehavin'" 1986.

Johnny Cash recorded his album Def American in Hollywood, CA between the 17th and the 20th, in 1993.

The New "Country Music Hall Of Fame and Museum," opened for business in downtown Nashville in 2001. This magnificent $37 million facility is the Crown Jewel of Music City USA.



Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorrison2002@hotmail.com

 **** Country Music News ****    
This weeks opry schedule

Tuesday
May 20

Friday
May 16

Saturday
May 17

Saturday
May 17

7:00 – 7:30
John Conlee
Cherryholmes

7:30 – 8:00
Jimmy C. Newman
Billy Currington

8:00 – 8:30
Connie Smith
Restless Heart

8:30 – 9:00
Jimmy Dickens
Darryl Worley

8:00 – 8:30
John Conlee
Jimmy C. Newman
Josh Gracin

8:30 – 9:00
Jimmy Dickens
Mel McDaniel
Del McCoury Band

9:00 – 9:30
Bill Anderson
Bobby Osborne & The Rocky Top X-Press
Diamond Rio

9:30 – 10:00
Marty Stuart
Jack Greene
Connie Smith

6:30 – 7:00
Jimmy Dickens
Jimmy C. Newman
Chely Wright

7:00 – 7:30
Jeannie Seely
Jim Ed Brown
Rebecca Lynn Howard

7:30 – 8:00
John Conlee
Jack Greene
Jamie O'Neal

8:00 – 8:30
Steve Wariner
Mel McDaniel
T.G. Sheppard
Opry Square Dancers

8:30 – 9:00
Bill Anderson
Connie Smith
The Grascals

9:30 – 10:00
Jimmy Dickens
Jim Ed Brown
Chely Wright

10:00 – 10:30
John Conlee
Jeannie Seely
Jamie O'Neal

10:30 – 11:00
Steve Wariner
Rebecca Lynn Howard
T.G. Sheppard
Opry Square Dancers

11:00 – 11:30
Bill Anderson
Connie Smith
The Grascals

Shania's Marriage a Runaway Twain

Gina Serpe
Thu May 15, 12:39 PM ET

Los Angeles (E! Online) - Still the one? Not anymore.

Country crossover Shania Twain and her record-producing hubby, Robert "Mutt" Lange, have separated after nearly a decade and a half of marriage.

"Shania Twain and her husband, music producer Robert 'Mutt' Lange, are separating after 14 years of marriage," the couple's told E! News. "This is a private matter and there will be no further comment at this time."

The musically inclined duo tied the knot Dec. 28, 1993, six months after they met. Lange was the first to make contact, reaching out to the up-and-coming singer and offering to produce songs for her after hearing samples of her work.

They went on to work extensively—and on Twain's part, nearly exclusively—together throughout her career, sharing numerous producing and songwriting credits on the singer's multiplatinum albums.

Twain and Lange, who split their time between the U.S. and Switzerland, took their collaboration outside the studio as well, welcoming their only child, son Eja D'Angelo, in August 2001.



The Academy of Country Music will honor the late Conway Twitty
NASHVILLE, TN – The Academy of Country Music will honor the late Conway Twitty with the Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award during the non televised portion of the 43rd ANNUAL ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS. The ceremony, which honors country music’s top talent as well as the industry’s hottest emerging talent, will be broadcast LIVE from MGM GRAND in Las Vegas on Sunday, May 18th, 2008 at 8:00 PM ET/PT on the CBS Television Network.

In 1970, Conway Twitty set the astonishing pace for the decade with “Hello Darlin’” one of the most recognizable singles in country music history. He later teamed with Loretta Lynn and the Academy of Country Music awarded their partnership with four trophies for Top Vocal Group in 1971, 1974-1976. In 1975, he won two more Awards for Album of the Year and Top Male Vocalist. Before he died in 1993, Twitty had scored a record breaking 55 number one hits, either as a solo artist or with his close friend Loretta Lynn.

“To the world, Conway Twitty was a country music superstar, a legend, but, to us, he was our Dad. We are so very proud of this honor that has been bestowed upon him. He certainly was a pioneer in both rock-n-roll and country music and well deserving of this award. We are very proud of all he achieved in his musical career, but, we are even more proud of the kind, loving and gentle man he was to everyone he ever met,” says Joni Twitty on behalf of Conway Twitty United.

Brenda Lee, The Oak Ridge Boys, and Porter Wagoner have alsobeen chosen to receive the Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award honoring individuals who are pioneers in the country music genre. Past recipients of the Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award include Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Bob Wills, Tex Ritter, Charlie Pride, Loretta Lynn, Charlie Daniels, Hank Williams, Sr., Merle Haggard, George Jones, Dolly Parton and Alabama, among others.

About the Academy of Country Music
Founded in 1964, the ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC is an artist and industry-driven organization, that provides the financial resources to ensure the on-going philanthropic work of its Charitable Fund. The Academy of Country Music Charitable Fund promotes and supports music education and humanitarian programs that transform the human spirit. Through its charitable donations, the ACMCF works towards promoting Learning Through Music and Healing Through Music. The Academy is comprised of more than 4,500 professional members and more than 40,000 associate members and is headquartered in Encino, Calif.

About the Academy of Country Music Awards
The 43rd ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS is dedicated to honoring and showcasing the biggest names and emerging talent in the country music industry. The show is produced for television by DICK CLARK PRODUCTIONS and will be broadcast LIVE from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas Sunday, May 18, 2008 at 8:00 PM live ET/delayed PT on the CBS Television Network. R.A. Clark is executive producer, Barry Adelman is producer and Bob Bardo is executive in charge of production.

For more information on the ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC and the ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS, please visit www.acmcountry.com. For more information on the ACADEMY OF COUNTRY MUSIC CHARITABLE FUND, please visit www.acmcf.org.


Our interest is in Conway Twitty United.


 

Friends And Family Remember Eddy Arnold At His Funeral Yesterday
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Eddy Arnold's grandson says he'd like to think "it was the good times" his grandfather was thinking about when he passed away last Thursday and that "now he's reminiscing about those times with my grandmother." Shannon Pollard spoke at Arnold's funeral service at Nashville's Ryman Auditorium yesterday, where friends, family and fans gathered to remember Arnold. Pollard also recalled his grandfather's "famous Eddy Arnold smile" that enchanted family, friends and fans. He said "right now I think he's smiling down upon us and is so glad that we're here to celebrate his life." During the service, Vince Gill sang "Go Rest High on That Mountain" and Arnold's "You Don't Know Me," the Jordanaires performed "Peace in the Valley" and Jeanine Walker sang "How Great Thou Art." Arnold died last Thursday at a care facility near Nashville. He was 89.



Dolly Parton Outraged About Howard Stern Segment
SHERMAN OAKS, Calif.
Dolly Parton says she's "completely devastated" by a segment on Howard Stern's radio show that features her voice making racist and sexually vulgar comments. She says the show edited her voice to make it appear she was saying rude things about Kenny Rogers, Linda Ronstadt, Burt Reynolds and Johnny Carson. Parton says she's "never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated" in all her life. She says, "In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth." The segment aired May 6th. Parton may sue. She says, "If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it's going to be over this."

"American Idol"
LOS ANGELES
It's going to be David versus David for the title of "American Idol." David Cook and David Archuleta made it to next week's finale. Syesha Mercado got the boot last night. Judge Simon Cowell said he liked all three but said next week would be a "real humdinger." Host Ryan Seacrest said 56 million votes were cast this week.

Kenny Chesney Likes Being A Bachelor
Country Music World
Kenny Chesney doesn't sound like he's ready to jump into another marriage anytime soon. He tells People magazine's special Country issue that he really enjoys being a bachelor. He says, "I enjoy everything that comes along with it." But he says if he does get married again he's going to give it 150 percent. He says, "I'm not going to be gone all the time or worry about this and that." Chesney was previously married for a short time to actress Renee Zellweger.

Taylor Swift Called Out As A Hottie By Maxim Magazine
Country Music World
Two teen country singers are getting singled out for being hotties. Two-time "Dancing With the Stars" champ and aspiring country singer Julianne Hough and Taylor Swift have both landed on Maxim magazine's list of Hot 100 of 2008. Hough ranked number 30, while Swift came in at 57. The magazine's number 1 hottie was Sports Illustrated model Marisa Miller.

Joe Don Rooney Returns To Oklahoma To Help Out In The Wake Of Deadly Tornado
PICHER, Okla.
Joe Don Rooney is in his Oklahoma hometown working as a volunteer for the American Red Cross. The Rascal Flatts guitarist is helping people there recover from a deadly tornado. Saturday's tornado in Picher, Oklahoma, is blamed for seven deaths.

Toby Keith's 35 Biggest Hits Is Country's Top Seller
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Toby Keith is on top of the charts again. His latest release "Toby Keith's 35 Biggest Hits" has opened atop the Billboard Country Albums chart. This is the sixth time Keith has topped the Country Albums chart.

Phil Vassar And Jo Dee Messina Kick Off 2008 Cma Music Festival On The Greased Lightning Daytime Stages
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Phil Vassar and Jo Dee Messina will take the stage during the Daytime Concerts at next month's CMA Music Festival. They're slated to perform on the Greased Lightning Daytime Stages Thursday, June 5th. Other artists added to the daytime lineup include Jason Michael Carroll, Josh Gracin, Jack Ingram and Mindy McCready. The festival which kicks off Thursday, June 5th wraps up Sunday, June 8th.

Neal Mccoy Takes Part In Charity Golf Tournament On Behalf Of Wounded Soldiers
TYLER, Texas
Neal McCoy hit the links this week on behalf of wounded service members. McCoy took part in the Wounded Warriors Pro Am Golf Tournament in Tyler, Texas, Monday. He played 18 holes of gold with a triple amputee and he also sang the national anthem. The Wounded Warrior Project helps raise awareness for the needs of severely injured service men and women.

Grand Ole Opry Kick-Off it's Cma Music Festival With A Week Of Shows
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
The Grand Ole Opry is kicking off next month's CMA Music Festival with a star-studded show on Tuesday, June 3rd. Carrie Underwood, Montgomery Gentry, The Oak Ridge Boys, and Luke Bryan are scheduled to appear on the Tuesday Night Opry. A portion of the show will air as part of a special live Tuesday edition of Opry Live on GAC. Before the night's performance Bryan will welcome fans to town with a free performance on the Opry Plaza Party stage outside the Opry House. The CMA Music Festival kicks off Thursday, June 5th and runs through Sunday the 8th.


Today's Birthday:
K.T. Oslin is 66.
by Myra Lopez


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  
Ham Salad
1/2 lb. cooked pork roast
1/2 lb. cook ham
1/4 c. pickle relish
1 med. onion
2 stalks celery
Mayonnaise or salad dressing

Grind roast, ham, onion and celery. Blend enough salad dressing
or mayonnaise to make a moist spread. Then add pickle relish.
Serve on cold buns, as sandwiches, or a spread on crackers.
~&~

Berry Smoothie
Ingredients:
One 20-ounce can crushed pineapple in juice, not drained
One 15-ounce can blueberries or blackberries in light syrup, drained
1-1/2 cup ice cubes
One 6-ounce carton lemon or other fruit-flavored low fat yogurt

Directions:
In blender container, combine all ingredients; process until smooth. Serve
immediately, or cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.
Nutrition Note: Deep-blue and purple pigments in canned or fresh blueberries
and blackberries, as well as pigments in cranberries, plums and cherries,
contain anthocyanins, plant substances that may reduce cancer risk and help
prevent urinary tract infections.
Recipe makes four, 1-1/4 cup servings.





**** Today's Useless Fact ****

Was Marilyn Monroe's famous beauty mark real or painted on?
I don't remember her having it when she was Norma Jean Baker.

You were right to observe that the beauty mark arrived with the transformation of chirpy, brunette Norma Jean to the blond, sultry Marilyn. The early modeling shots from the 1940s show no beauty mark. If it was artificial, however, Marilyn was nothing if not consistent. It always appeared just above her lip, along her dimple line.
Fortunately, the issue was resolved at Skinema, a fantastic site created by a dermatologist that's devoted to movie stars and their facial abnormalities. Marilyn's beauty mark was a facial mole, and was probably erased with make-up in her early career. Other famous celebrities with prominent facial moles include Robert DeNiro, Sherilyn Fenn, and Cindy Crawford.

We also learned that in piercing circles, a "Monroe" refers to a stud inserted above the lip. And as to whether Marilyn had an extra toe on her left foot, as an early publicity still seemed to indicate, the answer is no





****A Parting Thought ****
"Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife,
sharks for the wife's mother."-Ken Dodd


Last Call Y'ALL
I had registered in a number of programs at The College of New Jersey and was looking for an option. Art, I thought, although I hadn't drawn since public school, and my husband, an accomplished artist, had been selling his paintings for years.

The year flew by and on the last day of class, I loaded all my artwork into my car. At home I pulled up to the carport. I lifted the trunk of the car, and on top of the pile was my first nude painting. That is awful, I thought, truly awful. Several nude paintings underneath it were not much better. I didn't want anybody to see these terrible paintings, and especially not my husband.

One by one the masonite boards reverberated with a loud crack as I broke each painting into four pieces and dropped them into the garbage can.

Several days later my neighbor stopped me in a store. "Say, Nancy," he said, "is someone in your house throwing out nude paintings?"

I dropped the eggs into my basket in shock. "How did you know about the nudes?"

"Well," he said, "my twelve-year-old grandson found them in your garbage, and he nailed them up on the walls of his tree house."

"The trouble with the younger generation is that most of us aren't in it.

See ya all monday
Have a good weekend

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
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