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The Funnies are
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From Carlisle ,Indiana U.S.A. Welcome to The Funnies est.7-4-2000
"Friends are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are, PG - Not
intended for younger readers - PG
I always know God won't give me more than I can
handle, but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.
God, grant me the Senility to
forget the people I never liked , The good fortune to run into the ones
I do, And the eyesight to tell the
difference.

Charlie Daniels Today's country
music video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWPX5nr6esM
Monday
May 19,2008
Thought For Today: Wake up America! Listen to this
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl32Y7wDVDs One day, a mailman was greeted by a boy and his dog. The mailman said
to the boy, "Does your dog bite?"
"No," replied the boy.
Just
then, the dog bit the mailman.
"Hey, "he yelled. "I thought your dog
doesn't bite!"
"He doesn't," replied the boy, "but that's not my
dog." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: Why can't you see the
invisible man's mother and father?
A: They're
trans-parents. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An efficiency expert, called
into a company to find out why they were losing money, stopped one man and
asked him what he did.
"Nothing," said the employee.
The expert
turned to another man standing nearby and asked him what he
did.
"Nothing," was his reply.
"Oh," said the efficiency expert,
"too much duplication. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A
four-year-old boy caused chaos at a Norwegian airport this week when he
hopped aboard a luggage conveyor belt as if it were a
merry-go-round.
The junior prankster crawled onto the belt next to an
unmanned check-in desk Monday, continued unnoticed through a trapdoor
along with bags and suitcases about his size, then passed through an X-ray
scanner and into the luggage hall.
Ole Tobias was not hurt and seemed to
have enjoyed the ride, which ended abruptly when staff at the airport in
Norway noticed the boy in the X-ray machine and pressed the alarm
button. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Australian servicemen and
women are being offered free plastic surgery, including breast enlargements,
on the taxpayer.
Reports that all branches of the military and their
families can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs
for free.
"Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Dr Fuddle, chief of
plastic surgery," said.
News reports quoted an army spokesperson as
saying, "The surgeons have to have someone to practice
on." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: What is the proper thing to
throw at a pregnant bride at her wedding?
A: Puffed
rice. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Japanese high school pleaded for a
regional game to be abandoned after giving up 66 runs in less than two
innings.
The coach of Kawamoto high school pleaded to spare his
pitcher's arm with his team losing 66-0 with just one batter out in
the bottom of the second.
The hapless hurler had already sent down
over 250 pitches, allowing 26 runs in the first inning and 40 in the second
before Kawamoto asked for mercy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you
see the pope's plane land yesterday? I think it's called, was it "Shepherd
One"? Is that the name of the pope's plane? "Shepherd One"? And he's also
German, isn't he? So that would make it "German Shepherd One." (Jay
Leno) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you asked me to name the three
scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that
most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows. (Dave
Barry) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's exciting to be here now because you
know what's going to happen? The pope is coming to New York City. Can you
feel the excitement? He arrived earlier today in Washington, D.C. Of
course, he flew Virgin Atlantic. (David
Letterman) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Actually, one really
embarrassing moment, you see this on the news? When the pope blessed the
crowd with holy water? Well, some of it splashed on Dick Cheney, burned his
skin. (Jay Leno) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A former Pentagon
official said this week that before the start of the war in Iraq, former
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld gave the Bush administration a list of
horribles, things he believed could go wrong, which the Bush administration
apparently mistook for a to-do list. (Amy
Poehler) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Stupid stuff A nude man
stood on his front porch and yelled at a neighbor walking on the street in
Indianapolis' east side Thursday morning, resulting in his arrest, police
said.
A witness called police after watching the ordeal
unfold.
The man, identified as Jerry Hood, 68, was still nude when
he answered the door for officers, according to police.
Police said
Hood admitted he had been outside of the home, but told them he was only out
to make sure his girlfriend made it to a bus
stop. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An overpowering bad odor at a Bank of
America branch office prompted an emergency response from state environmental
officials who discovered a bad check. It wasn't a check that was fake.
It was smelly.
The Department of Environmental Protection made the
discovery after evacuating the bank.
The stinky smell turned out to be
from a paycheck deposited by a man who transferred machine oil from his hands
to the check before he handed it to a teller through the drive-up
window.
The DEP determined there was no hazard, and the bank reopened
for business about an hour later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A town
in Italy has banned people from keeping goldfish in bowls.
The town
council in Mona believes fish get a "distorted view of reality" if they're
kept in a bowl.
The new law come into effect in two
weeks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A new type of children's
shoes will save parents from rushing to the shops so often - because the
shoes grow with them.
News reports say that Inchworm shoes can extend by
one full shoe size - so all parents need to do is adjust the shoe to
fit. This is done by pressing a button on the side of the shoes
and extending the toe out to the correct length.
The shoes are on sale
for $148 in England. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two people
accused of stealing dog collars from stores in Indiana have been caught. The
pair are accused of stealing "several thousand dollars" worth of dog collars
in several cities.
Police say a store employee recognized the suspects
after seeing an alert from a fellow chain store.
Police reports didn't
indicate why the suspects were after the dog
collars. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two jeweler thieves were
arrested in Chile after police spotted them counting piles of money in a bar.
The officers advised them not to display so much cash in public and advised
them to put it in a bank. It was then that they noticed the men also had
jewelery coming out of their pockets.
Police say the pair were
arrested after confessing they had just raided a nearby shop. Officers had
approached them in a bar because they feared they might be
robbed.
Police told the pair, "As that is not a very safe
neighborhood, we approached the men and advised them not to show off their
money.
"We told them they could be robbed and advised them to find a
bank to put their money in."
A witness said, "The criminals looked
white as ghosts when the policemen approached. They confessed straight away.
They could not believe how unlucky they
were." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A German man survived a 25 ft
plunge down an elevator shaft when he landed on a woman who had fallen down
it a day before.
Paul Wilhelm was unhurt after landing on the 57-year-old
woman and managed to free himself from the shaft at the building where he
lived.
He called out rescue services who took the woman to
hospital. Doctors said she is in a critical condition after
sustaining injuries in her original fall - and then again when Wilhelm
landed on her.
Police spokesman Manfred Vonhausen said, "The woman had
been lying unconscious in the shaft for some time already."
"Although
it made her injuries worse it also probably saved her life that he fell on
her as it meant he knew she was there and managed to get help."
Rescue
workers said that without Wilhelm's plunge the woman would have died from
internal bleeding. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Really Stupid A German
farmer who married a woman he met on the internet has asked for the marriage
to be annulled after finding out 'she' was a he.
Wolfgang Hamburg, said,
"I don't meet many women as I am often working all day, and so a friend
suggested I try internet dating.
"I was delighted when I contacted Randi
Victor and was delighted when I met her and realized she was as lovely as her
photographs.
"We only had a kiss and cuddle before we married. But on my
wedding night she told me she was really a he - and that her real name was
Ralf. I was devastated."
"The only true thing she did say was that she
had two children, but she was the father - not the
mother." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A discharged patient was
accused of stealing an ambulance, then speeding away at up to 100 mph while
unknowing drivers yielded the right away was arrested Tuesday after he lost
control and crashed.
Another ambulance took the man to a hospital under
police guard, police spokesman Bo Lewis said. "We didn't want another
am- bulance driving away," he said.
Steve Terry had been released from
a hospital when he apparently found an ambulance outside the emergency care
department, Lewis said. The suspect jumped in the ambulance while its crew
was taking another patient inside the building, he said.
Sheriff's
deputies stopped the ambulance and spoke to the suspect, but he sped away
with lights and siren on, driving 80 to 100 mph as other vehicles yielded to
it, Lewis said.
After officers called off the pursuit, the ambulance came
to a clogged, lost control, glanced the front of a stopped car, left the
road, hit a median and landed in boulders and broke an axle, Lewis
said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A French doctor is urging his countrymen
to take a more relaxed view of bodily functions for the good of their
health.
Frederic Salzmann says they that passing gas, burping and
sweating could reduce the risk of cancer. The French, he says, should
"dare to fart". Getting rid of the two pints of gas produced each day is
a "natural process" and retaining it can be harmful to the
intestines.
Similarly, he says his countrymen should feel free to belch
at will and certainly after each
meal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Japanese city government
employee was demoted after supervisors discovered his office computer had
more than 780,000 hits to pornographic Web sites.
The kinkster, whose
name was withheld, was demoted and slapped with a $190 pay cut for logging on
to the sites from June 2007 to February 2008 while he was at work. He had
logged 170,000 hits in July alone.
His co-workers never noticed his
frequent porn viewing because desks are set apart, a city official
said.
Supervisors discovered his extensive habit after his
computer became infected with a virus, which prompted them to examine
his Web browser's history. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Police say a man
dressed as a woman repeatedly crashed his car into a suburban Detroit
lingerie store that refused to hire him.
County sheriff Michael Cabe says
Jeremy Intosh was arrested Saturday outside Intimate Ideas.
Cabe says
Intosh was wearing "facial makeup, lipstick, blue Capri pants, red
flip-flops, a flowery blouse and a matching flowery women's bra."
The
"well dressed" subject was jailed on charges including malicious destruction
of property and reckless driving. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A
loony tunes is sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another patient, who
has been watching, suddenly cries, "Wait a minute! I just caught you cheating
yourself."
The first man puts his finger to his lips. "Shhh," he
whispers. "Don't tell anybody, but for years I've been cheating myself at
solitaire."
"You don't say," says his surprised pal. "Don't you ever
catch yourself cheating?"
The first man shakes his head. "Naw," he
says proudly. "I'm too clever." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was
a statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard
before coming to an intersection, whiz straight over it, and slow down again
once he was beyond it. One day, he took along a passenger, who was
understandably unnerved by his driving style and asked him why he went so
fast over intersections. The statistics student replied, "Well,
statistically speaking, you are for more likely to have an accident at
an intersection, so I just make sure that I spend less time
there." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The teacher asked her
fifth-grade class, "How was Columbus treated when he returned from his third
voyage?" One student said, "Lots of people met him at the pier, and they all
had a great time." Sternly, the teacher said, "You didn't read the
assignment!" The student brought the textbook up to the teacher's desk and
showed her where it read, "Columbus received a cool reception when he
returned from his third voyage." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hillary
Clinton clamped down on Bill Clinton's behavior Friday and ordered him to
tone down his campaign rhetoric onstage. It was historic. She publicly told
her husband to keep it zipped, and for the first time in thirty years she
meant his mouth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Actually, I think
President Bush starting to change his opinion on global warming. Today, he
announced an initiative to combat global warming. Again, I don't think he
really understands the issue. He says his first act would be to order the
Department of Energy to start drilling for solar power. (Jay
Leno) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please help, it won't cost ya a thing but it will really feel
good ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free Food For Homeless Dogs http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you
know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
Organ and Tissue
Donation/Transplanation http://www.organdonor.gov/
The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to
AutismSpeaks for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward
research studies to help find a cure for
autism. http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214
About Free
Rice Free Rice is a sister site of the world
poverty site http://www.freerice.com/about.html Poverty.com No one
should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim
****Bill's Country Calendar **** ****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with
permission from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison ©
**** Thanks Bill
-18-
Jimmie Rodgers recorded "Last Blue Yodel (The Women Make A Fool
Out of Me)," 1933.
Leon Ashley born "Leon Walton" in rural Newton County, Georgia,
1936. Leon was the first artist to write, publish, record, and distribute his
own songs.
Rodney Dillard "The Dillards," born East St. Louis, IL 1942.
Bob Wills topped the charts with "New Spanish Two Step"
1946.
Joe Bonsall "Oakridge Boys," born Philadelphia, PA 1948.
Gary Scruggs, "Earl Scruggs Revue," born Knoxville, TN 1949.
George Strait a.k.a. "King George" born Poteet, TX 1952.
Eddy Arnold topped the charts with "I Really Don't Want To Know"
1954.
Rusty and Doug Kershaw made their debut on the Grand Ole Opry
1957.
Waylon Jennings released "When Sin Stops," on Brunswick Records
1959.
Johnny Horton's "The Battle of New Orleans," went to #1 in
1959.
George Jones topped the charts with "She Thinks I Still Care"
1962.
Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "The Kansas City
Song" 1970.
B. J. Thomas' "Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song," went
to #1 in 1975.
"The Buddy Holly Story," premiered in Dallas, 1978.
The made-for-TV movie "Stagecoach," starring Willie Nelson,
Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and John Schneider, debuted on
CBS in 1986.
Curb released Tennessee Ford's "Best Sacred Memories" 1993.
Arista released Radney Foster's album "See What You Want To See"
1999.
Steve Azar's single "I Don't Have To Be Me (Till Monday)"
debuted on Billboard's Top 40 2002.
The funeral for June Carter Cash was held at First Baptist
Church in Hendersonville, TN in 2003. June was buried in the Hendersonville
Memory Gardens next to her mother Maybelle, her father, Ezra, and her sister,
Anita. 1800 people attended the ceremony.
Johnny Cash's new authorized biography "Cash, An American Man,"
was released 2004.
-19-
Martha Carson, "Irene Ethel Amburgey," born Neon, KY 1921.
Chip Young born "Jerry Marvin Stembridge," Atlanta, GA 1938.
Mickey Newbury born "Milton Sim Newbury Jr." Houston, TX
1940.
Johnny Cash graduated from High School in Dyess AR 1950.
Jean Shepard recorded her #1 single "A Dear John Letter,"
1953.
Johnny Cash released "I Walk The Line,"/"Get Rhythm," 1956.
Roy Orbison released "Ooby Dooby," 1956.
Johnny Cash released "I Guess Thing Happen That Way," 1958.
Ray Charles' #1 hit "I Can't Stop Loving You" charted 1960.
Roger Miller's "King Of The Road," certified gold 1965.
Eddy Arnold debuted at Carnegie Hall 1966.
Ralph Emery presented Loretta Lynn and Marty Robbins with
plaques, naming them as the most popular singers on Ralph's all night radio show
on WSM 1969.
Tanya Tucker's "What's Your Mama's Name," became her first No. 1
hit in 1973.
The Bellamy Brothers "If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body," went
to No. 1 in 1979.
Barbara Mandrell broke the sound barrier today, while riding in
one of the Air Force Thunderbirds 1980.
Randy Travis' "Forever and Ever, Amen" goes to #1 1987.
Mercury Nashville released Terri Clark's album "How I Feel"
1998.
Keith Urban's single "You'll Think of Me" topped the charts
2004 Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views"
Page Compiled by
Bill Morrison -
billmorrison2002@hotmail.com
**** Country Music News ****
Gretchen Wilson graduates high
school Friday, May 16, 2008 – Gretchen Wilson may be a star in country music,
but one thing she did not have was a high school diploma - until last night.
Wilson completed a GED course to enable her to earn her diploma at a public
graduation ceremony held at the First Baptist Church in Lebanon, Tenn. The
surprise guest speaker for the evening was Charlie Daniels.
Wilson decided to get the diploma because of her daughter, Gracie,
8. Wilson enrolled in courses along with a cousin, who also graduated. Wilson
dropped out of school back home in Illinois.
Wilson is recording her fourth album for SonyBMG with the disc due
this fall.
~
Brooks will be back performing
soon
Country stars: Brooks will be
back performing soon
By OSKAR GARCIA, Associated Press Writer Sun
May 18, 8:57 PM ET
LAS VEGAS - Like other country music stars,
the guys from Montgomery Gentry aren't buying the idea that Sunday was the last
time they'd see Garth Brooks perform for a while.
"If he has a
passion for music, which we know he does like Eddie (Montgomery) and I do, you
can't stay retired," Troy Gentry told The Associated Press as he strolled into
the 43rd annual Academy of Country Music Awards.
"It's the worst drug in
the world, because there's no cure for it," Montgomery said. "Once it's in your
blood, you gotta have it."
Brooks planned to perform a medley of his hits
on the telecast and was accepting the inaugural Crystal Milestone Award at the
show known for showcasing new artists and up-and-comers.
"Garth is my
hero, he changed my entire life's direction," said Rodney Atkins, who was
nominated for six awards, including top male vocalist, song of the year and
album of the year.
"Garth is gonna play music until the good Lord takes
him home," he said. "I think once music is a part of you never really
stop."
Brooks announced his retirement in 2000 and said he wanted to
focus on raising his three kids with wife Sandy Mahl. Brooks and Mahl divorced
in 2001, and he married fellow country superstar Trisha Yearwood in
2005.
He's performed occasionally since, for charity and to promote his
latest album, a three-disc compilation set called "The Ultimate
Hits." ~ ACM Awards complete list of winners
ACM
Awards complete list of winners See full coverage at TuneInMusicCity.com
ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR
Kenny Chesney
TOP MALE
VOCALIST
Brad Paisley
TOP FEMALE VOCALIST
Carrie
Underwood
TOP VOCAL GROUP
Rascal Flatts
TOP NEW MALE
VOCALIST
Jack Ingram
TOP NEW FEMALE VOCALIST
Taylor
Swift
TOP NEW DUO OR VOCAL GROUP Lady Antebellum
ALBUM OF THE
YEAR [Award to Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]
Crazy
Ex-Girlfriend – Miranda Lambert (Columbia) Produced by Frank Liddell, Mike
Wrucke
SINGLE RECORD OF THE YEAR [Award to
Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]
“Stay” Sugarland, Produced by
Kristian Bush, Byron Gallimore, Jennifer Nettles Mercury
SONG OF THE
YEAR [Award to Composer(s)/Publisher(s)/Artist(s)]
“Stay”
Sugarland Writer: Jennifer Nettles Publishers: Jennifer Nettles
Publishing (ASCAP)
VIDEO OF THE YEAR [Award to
Producer(s)/Director(s)/Artist(s)]
“Online” – Brad Paisley Producer:
Frames Per Second Director: Jason Alexander
VOCAL EVENT OF THE
YEAR [Award to Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]
“Find Out Who
Your Friends Are” – Tracy Lawrence With Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney
Produced by Julian King, Tracy Lawrence Rocky
Comfort/CO5
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
Crockpot Beef Roast
1 1/2
pounds Beef, stew or roast beef 1/2 teaspoon black pepper 2 garlic cloves,
minced 1/2 package onion soup mix 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce 1
teaspoon A-1 steak sauce 3 large carrots, sliced 2 large celery stalks,
sliced 1 medium green bell pepper, chopped 1 medium onion 1/2 cup
water 1/2 cup tomato juice
Cut beef into serving-sized portions. Brown
beef in a bit of vegetable oil, in a large skillet. Meanwhile, slice onion and
separate into rings. Dice the peeled carrots, dice the celery and slice the
peppers into thin strips or circles.
Chocolate Marshmallow Dreams 2 ea egg whites 1/8 tsp
cream of tartar 1/2 cup Equal Sugar Lite 1/2 tsp vanilla 1/4 tsp
almond extract 1/2 cup miniature semi-sweet chocolate chips
Beat egg
whites until foamy. Add cream of tartar, and continue beating until soft peaks
form. Gradually add Equal� Sugar Lite, beating well after each addition.
Continue beating until stiff peaks form. Beat in vanilla and almond extracts.
Gently fold in chocolate pieces.
Drop or pipe mixture through a pastry
tube onto parchment paper-lined baking sheets. Bake in preheated 250 F oven 40
minutes. Turn oven off, leaving door closed. Leave cookies in oven 30 minutes.
Remove from oven and carefully lift cookies off parchment paper. Cool completely
on wire rack. Store in airtight container at room temperature. Number of
Servings: 15.
Nutritional Information: Serving Size: 2 Cookies. Amount
per serving: Calories 45, Calories From Fat, Total Fat 2 g, Saturated Fat 1 g,
Cholesterol 0 mg, Sodium 8 mg, Total Carbohydrate 7 g, Sugars 3 g, Protein 1
g
Exchanges Per Serving: 1/2 Carbohydrate
Diabetic Friendly Chocolate Cheesecake
1 (5.25 ounce) package
sugar-free chocolate graham crackers, crushed 1/3 cup reduced-calorie
margarine, melted 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon Cooking spray 1 (.25
ounce) envelope unflavored gelatin 1 cup fat-free milk 2 1/2 (8 ounce)
packages 1/3-less-fat cream cheese (Neufchatel), softened 2 teaspoons vanilla
extract 14 tablespoons granulated sugar substitute with aspartame (such as
Equal Spoonful) 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa 5 (0.6 ounce) sugar-free
chocolate wafer bars, coarsely chopped
Combine first 3 ingredients,
stirring well. Press into bottom and 1 inch up sides of a 9-inch spring-form pan
coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 minutes. Remove from oven;
let cool on a wire rack.
Sprinkle gelatin over milk in a small saucepan;
let stand 1 minute. Cook over low heat, stirring until gelatin dissolves, about
2 minutes. Let cool slightly.
Beat cream cheese at medium speed of an
electric mixer until creamy. Add vanilla, beating well. Add gelatin mixture,
beating until smooth. Add sugar substitute and cocoa; beat just until blended.
Pour mixture into prepared crust. Cover and chill at least 3 hours or until set.
Before serving, top with chopped wafers. Serves 12.
Nutritional
Information: Per Serving: Calories 238 Fat 16.5g (sat 8.4g) Protein 8.1g
Carbohydrate 20.8g Fiber 1.5g Cholesterol 36mg Sodium 308mg
Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza
1 pkg. (10 oz.) refrigerated pizza
dough 1/2 lb. lean ground beef 1/2 cup chopped onion 1 can (8 oz.)
pizza sauce 1 medium tomato, thinly sliced 2 slices bacon, crisp cooked,
drained, and cut up 1 cup (4 oz.) shredded Cheddar or American
cheese
Unroll pizza dough according to package directions. Place on a
greased 10" x 15" jelly roll baking sheet. Build up edges slightly. Bake in a
preheated 425� F., oven for 8 to 10 minutes or until lightly
browned.
Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook ground beef and onion until
meat is brown and onion is tender. Drain well. Spread pizza sauce over hot
crust. Sprinkle with ground beef mixture. Top with tomato slices and bacon
pieces. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake about 10 minutes more or until cheese is
melted and sauce is bubbly. Makes 4 servings.
Nutritional Information:
Calories 412, total fat 20 g, sat fat 9 g, cholesterol 68 mg, sodium 827 mg,
carbs 35 g, fiber 2 g, protein 23 g.
Diabetic Exchanges: 2 starch, 1
vegetable, 2 lean meat, 2 fat.
Spinach Dip
3/4 cup fat-free cottage
cheese 1/4 cup reduced-fat brick-style cream cheese 2 tablespoons lite
mayonnaise 1 (10 oz.) package frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed dry 1 (8
oz.) can water chestnuts, drained and finely chopped 1/2 cup dried vegetable
snack mix, optional (not included in nutrient analysis) 2 green onions, white
and green parts only, finely chopped 2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill (or 1
tablespoon dried) 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard 1 small clove garlic,
minced
In a food processor or blender, puree the cottage cheese, cream
cheese and mayonnaise until smooth.
In a medium bowl, combine the cottage
cheese mixture with the spinach, water chestnuts, vegetable mix, green onions,
dill, mustard, and garlic. Cover and refrigerate at least 1 hour to blend
flavors. (The dip can be stored this way for up to 24 hours.) Serves
12.
****A Parting Thought ****
According to The New York Times, Bill Clinton, while on
stage, was actually wiping away a tear. When Hillary saw this, she said, “Don’t
worry, Bill. I’ll always be here with you.” And he said, “Don’t make it worse.”
Last Call
Y'ALL SeeYa Tomorrow
HEY, DON'T BE A
STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR! *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Hey, Let's be careful out
there *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ PLEASE Don't take anything you see in the Funnies
personally. The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing
more. Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target
here. EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in
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Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are
believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright
on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA
~ To subscribe,
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47838-0521
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