The Funnies Archives Index | Subscribe | RSS
<< May16, 2008 - The Funnies May20, 2008 - The Funnies >>

Subject: The Funnies - May20, 2008



 
 

The Funnies are strictly a DOUBLE opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM
If you choose to censore or delete it.The only ones hurt are those waiting on it
and the people they could have helped

From Carlisle ,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to T
he Funnies
est.7-4-2000    

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

These  are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG


I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.


God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.


Charlie Daniels

Today's country music video  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWPX5nr6esM 

 Monday May 19,2008

Thought For Today: Wake up America!
Listen to this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl32Y7wDVDs
 
One day, a mailman was greeted by a boy and his dog. The mailman
said to the boy, "Does your dog bite?"

"No," replied the boy.

Just then, the dog bit the mailman.

"Hey, "he yelled. "I thought your dog doesn't bite!"

"He doesn't," replied the boy, "but that's not my dog."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why can't you see the invisible man's mother and father?

A: They're trans-parents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An efficiency expert, called into a company to find out why they
were losing money, stopped one man and asked him what he did.

"Nothing," said the employee.

The expert turned to another man standing nearby and asked him
what he did.

"Nothing," was his reply.

"Oh," said the efficiency expert, "too much duplication.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A four-year-old boy caused chaos at a Norwegian airport this
week when he hopped aboard a luggage conveyor belt as if it were
a merry-go-round.

The junior prankster crawled onto the belt next to an unmanned
check-in desk Monday, continued unnoticed through a trapdoor along
with bags and suitcases about his size, then passed through an
X-ray scanner and into the luggage hall.

Ole Tobias was not hurt and seemed to have enjoyed the ride,
which ended abruptly when staff at the airport in Norway noticed
the boy in the X-ray machine and pressed the alarm button.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Australian servicemen and women are being offered free plastic
surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayer.

Reports that all branches of the military and their families can get
face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free.

"Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Dr Fuddle, chief of plastic
surgery," said.

News reports quoted an army spokesperson as saying, "The surgeons
have to have someone to practice on."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the proper thing to throw at a pregnant bride at her
wedding?

A: Puffed rice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Japanese high school pleaded for a regional game to be abandoned
after giving up 66 runs in less than two innings.

The coach of Kawamoto high school pleaded to spare his pitcher's
arm with his team losing 66-0 with just one batter out in the
bottom of the second.

The hapless hurler had already sent down over 250 pitches, allowing
26 runs in the first inning and 40 in the second before Kawamoto
asked for mercy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you see the pope's plane land yesterday? I think it's
called, was it "Shepherd One"? Is that the name of the pope's
plane? "Shepherd One"? And he's also German, isn't he? So that
would make it "German Shepherd One." (Jay Leno)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the
human race, I would give the same answer that most people would:
nuclear war, global warming and Windows. (Dave Barry)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's exciting to be here now because you know what's going to
happen? The pope is coming to New York City. Can you feel the
excitement? He arrived earlier today in Washington, D.C. Of course,
he flew Virgin Atlantic. (David Letterman)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Actually, one really embarrassing moment, you see this on the news?
When the pope blessed the crowd with holy water? Well, some of it
splashed on Dick Cheney, burned his skin. (Jay Leno)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A former Pentagon official said this week that before the start
of the war in Iraq, former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld gave
the Bush administration a list of horribles, things he believed
could go wrong, which the Bush administration apparently mistook
for a to-do list. (Amy Poehler)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stupid stuff
A nude man stood on his front porch and yelled at a neighbor
walking on the street in Indianapolis' east side Thursday morning,
resulting in his arrest, police said.

A witness called police after watching the ordeal unfold.

The man, identified as Jerry Hood, 68, was still nude when he
answered the door for officers, according to police.

Police said Hood admitted he had been outside of the home, but
told them he was only out to make sure his girlfriend made it to
a bus stop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An overpowering bad odor at a Bank of America branch office
prompted an emergency response from state environmental officials
who discovered a bad check. It wasn't a check that was fake. It
was smelly.

The Department of Environmental Protection made the discovery
after evacuating the bank.

The stinky smell turned out to be from a paycheck deposited by a
man who transferred machine oil from his hands to the check before
he handed it to a teller through the drive-up window.

The DEP determined there was no hazard, and the bank reopened for
business about an hour later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A town in Italy has banned people from keeping goldfish in bowls.

The town council in Mona believes fish get a "distorted view of
reality" if they're kept in a bowl.

The new law come into effect in two weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new type of children's shoes will save parents from rushing to
the shops so often - because the shoes grow with them.

News reports say that Inchworm shoes can extend by one full
shoe size - so all parents need to do is adjust the shoe to fit.
This is done by pressing a button on the side of the shoes and
extending the toe out to the correct length.

The shoes are on sale for $148 in England.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two people accused of stealing dog collars from stores in Indiana
have been caught. The pair are accused of stealing "several thousand
dollars" worth of dog collars in several cities.

Police say a store employee recognized the suspects after seeing
an alert from a fellow chain store.

Police reports didn't indicate why the suspects were after the
dog collars.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two jeweler thieves were arrested in Chile after police spotted
them counting piles of money in a bar. The officers advised them
not to display so much cash in public and advised them to put it
in a bank. It was then that they noticed the men also had jewelery
coming out of their pockets.

Police say the pair were arrested after confessing they had just
raided a nearby shop. Officers had approached them in a bar because
they feared they might be robbed.

Police told the pair, "As that is not a very safe neighborhood,
we approached the men and advised them not to show off their money.

"We told them they could be robbed and advised them to find a bank
to put their money in."

A witness said, "The criminals looked white as ghosts when the
policemen approached. They confessed straight away. They could
not believe how unlucky they were."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A German man survived a 25 ft plunge down an elevator shaft when
he landed on a woman who had fallen down it a day before.

Paul Wilhelm was unhurt after landing on the 57-year-old woman
and managed to free himself from the shaft at the building where
he lived.

He called out rescue services who took the woman to hospital.
Doctors said she is in a critical condition after sustaining
injuries in her original fall - and then again when Wilhelm landed
on her.

Police spokesman Manfred Vonhausen said, "The woman had been lying
unconscious in the shaft for some time already."

"Although it made her injuries worse it also probably saved her
life that he fell on her as it meant he knew she was there and
managed to get help."

Rescue workers said that without Wilhelm's plunge the woman would
have died from internal bleeding.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Really Stupid
A German farmer who married a woman he met on the internet has asked
for the marriage to be annulled after finding out 'she' was a he.

Wolfgang Hamburg, said, "I don't meet many women as I am often
working all day, and so a friend suggested I try internet dating.

"I was delighted when I contacted Randi Victor and was delighted
when I met her and realized she was as lovely as her photographs.

"We only had a kiss and cuddle before we married. But on my wedding
night she told me she was really a he - and that her real name
was Ralf. I was devastated."

"The only true thing she did say was that she had two children,
but she was the father - not the mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A discharged patient was accused of stealing an ambulance, then
speeding away at up to 100 mph while unknowing drivers yielded the
right away was arrested Tuesday after he lost control and crashed.

Another ambulance took the man to a hospital under police guard,
police spokesman Bo Lewis said. "We didn't want another am-
bulance driving away," he said.

Steve Terry had been released from a hospital when he apparently
found an ambulance outside the emergency care department, Lewis
said. The suspect jumped in the ambulance while its crew was taking
another patient inside the building, he said.

Sheriff's deputies stopped the ambulance and spoke to the suspect,
but he sped away with lights and siren on, driving 80 to 100 mph
as other vehicles yielded to it, Lewis said.

After officers called off the pursuit, the ambulance came to a
clogged, lost control, glanced the front of a stopped car, left
the road, hit a median and landed in boulders and broke an axle,
Lewis said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A French doctor is urging his countrymen to take a more relaxed
view of bodily functions for the good of their health.

Frederic Salzmann says they that passing gas, burping and sweating
could reduce the risk of cancer. The French, he says, should "dare
to fart". Getting rid of the two pints of gas produced each day is a
"natural process" and retaining it can be harmful to the intestines.

Similarly, he says his countrymen should feel free to belch at
will and certainly after each meal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Japanese city government employee was demoted after supervisors
discovered his office computer had more than 780,000 hits to
pornographic Web sites.

The kinkster, whose name was withheld, was demoted and slapped
with a $190 pay cut for logging on to the sites from June 2007 to
February 2008 while he was at work. He had logged 170,000 hits in
July alone.

His co-workers never noticed his frequent porn viewing because
desks are set apart, a city official said.

Supervisors discovered his extensive habit after his computer
became infected with a virus, which prompted them to examine his
Web browser's history.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police say a man dressed as a woman repeatedly crashed his car
into a suburban Detroit lingerie store that refused to hire him.

County sheriff Michael Cabe says Jeremy Intosh was arrested Saturday
outside Intimate Ideas.

Cabe says Intosh was wearing "facial makeup, lipstick, blue Capri
pants, red flip-flops, a flowery blouse and a matching flowery
women's bra."

The "well dressed" subject was jailed on charges including malicious
destruction of property and reckless driving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A loony tunes is sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another
patient, who has been watching, suddenly cries, "Wait a minute!
I just caught you cheating yourself."

The first man puts his finger to his lips. "Shhh," he whispers.
"Don't tell anybody, but for years I've been cheating myself
at solitaire."

"You don't say," says his surprised pal. "Don't you ever catch
yourself cheating?"

The first man shakes his head. "Naw," he says proudly. "I'm too
clever."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a statistics student who, when driving his car,
would always accelerate hard before coming to an intersection,
whiz straight over it, and slow down again once he was beyond
it. One day, he took along a passenger, who was understandably
unnerved by his driving style and asked him why he went so fast over
intersections. The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically
speaking, you are for more likely to have an accident at an
intersection, so I just make sure that I spend less time there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The teacher asked her fifth-grade class, "How was Columbus treated
when he returned from his third voyage?" One student said, "Lots of
people met him at the pier, and they all had a great time." Sternly,
the teacher said, "You didn't read the assignment!" The student
brought the textbook up to the teacher's desk and showed her where
it read, "Columbus received a cool reception when he returned from
his third voyage."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hillary Clinton clamped down on Bill Clinton's behavior Friday
and ordered him to tone down his campaign rhetoric onstage. It was
historic. She publicly told her husband to keep it zipped, and for
the first time in thirty years she meant his mouth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Actually, I think President Bush starting to change his opinion on
global warming. Today, he announced an initiative to combat global
warming. Again, I don't think he really understands the issue. He
says his first act would be to order the Department of Energy to
start drilling for solar power. (Jay Leno)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 

 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214


About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim


****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****

Thanks Bill

-18-

Jimmie Rodgers recorded "Last Blue Yodel (The Women Make A Fool Out of Me)," 1933.

Leon Ashley born "Leon Walton" in rural Newton County, Georgia, 1936. Leon was the first artist to write, publish, record, and distribute his own songs.

Rodney Dillard "The Dillards," born East St. Louis, IL 1942.

Bob Wills topped the charts with "New Spanish Two Step" 1946.

Joe Bonsall "Oakridge Boys," born Philadelphia, PA 1948.

Gary Scruggs, "Earl Scruggs Revue," born Knoxville, TN 1949.

George Strait a.k.a. "King George" born Poteet, TX 1952.

Eddy Arnold topped the charts with "I Really Don't Want To Know" 1954.

Rusty and Doug Kershaw made their debut on the Grand Ole Opry 1957.

Waylon Jennings released "When Sin Stops," on Brunswick Records 1959.

Johnny Horton's "The Battle of New Orleans," went to #1 in 1959.

George Jones topped the charts with "She Thinks I Still Care" 1962.

Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "The Kansas City Song" 1970.

B. J. Thomas' "Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song," went to #1 in 1975.

"The Buddy Holly Story," premiered in Dallas, 1978.

The made-for-TV movie "Stagecoach," starring Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and John Schneider, debuted on CBS in 1986.

Curb released Tennessee Ford's "Best Sacred Memories" 1993.

Arista released Radney Foster's album "See What You Want To See" 1999.

Steve Azar's single "I Don't Have To Be Me (Till Monday)" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 2002.

The funeral for June Carter Cash was held at First Baptist Church in Hendersonville, TN in 2003. June was buried in the Hendersonville Memory Gardens next to her mother Maybelle, her father, Ezra, and her sister, Anita. 1800 people attended the ceremony.

Johnny Cash's new authorized biography "Cash, An American Man," was released 2004.

-19-

Martha Carson, "Irene Ethel Amburgey," born Neon, KY 1921.

Chip Young born "Jerry Marvin Stembridge," Atlanta, GA 1938.

Mickey Newbury born "Milton Sim Newbury Jr." Houston, TX 1940.

Johnny Cash graduated from High School in Dyess AR 1950.

Jean Shepard recorded her #1 single "A Dear John Letter," 1953.

Johnny Cash released "I Walk The Line,"/"Get Rhythm," 1956.

Roy Orbison released "Ooby Dooby," 1956.

Johnny Cash released "I Guess Thing Happen That Way," 1958.

Ray Charles' #1 hit "I Can't Stop Loving You" charted 1960.

Roger Miller's "King Of The Road," certified gold 1965.

Eddy Arnold debuted at Carnegie Hall 1966.

Ralph Emery presented Loretta Lynn and Marty Robbins with plaques, naming them as the most popular singers on Ralph's all night radio show on WSM 1969.

Tanya Tucker's "What's Your Mama's Name," became her first No. 1 hit in 1973.

The Bellamy Brothers "If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body," went to No. 1 in 1979.

Barbara Mandrell broke the sound barrier today, while riding in one of the Air Force Thunderbirds 1980.

Randy Travis' "Forever and Ever, Amen" goes to #1 1987.

Mercury Nashville released Terri Clark's album "How I Feel" 1998.

Keith Urban's single "You'll Think of Me" topped the charts 2004



Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorrison2002@hotmail.com

 **** Country Music News ****

Gretchen Wilson graduates high school
Friday, May 16, 2008 – Gretchen Wilson may be a star in country music, but one thing she did not have was a high school diploma - until last night. Wilson completed a GED course to enable her to earn her diploma at a public graduation ceremony held at the First Baptist Church in Lebanon, Tenn.
The surprise guest speaker for the evening was Charlie Daniels.
 
Wilson decided to get the diploma because of her daughter, Gracie, 8. Wilson enrolled in courses along with a cousin, who also graduated. Wilson dropped out of school back home in Illinois.
 
Wilson is recording her fourth album for SonyBMG with the disc due this fall.
 
~

Brooks will be back performing soon

Country stars: Brooks will be back performing soon

By OSKAR GARCIA, Associated Press Writer
Sun May 18, 8:57 PM ET



LAS VEGAS - Like other country music stars, the guys from Montgomery Gentry aren't buying the idea that Sunday was the last time they'd see Garth Brooks perform for a while.



"If he has a passion for music, which we know he does like Eddie (Montgomery) and I do, you can't stay retired," Troy Gentry told The Associated Press as he strolled into the 43rd annual Academy of Country Music Awards.

"It's the worst drug in the world, because there's no cure for it," Montgomery said. "Once it's in your blood, you gotta have it."

Brooks planned to perform a medley of his hits on the telecast and was accepting the inaugural Crystal Milestone Award at the show known for showcasing new artists and up-and-comers.

"Garth is my hero, he changed my entire life's direction," said Rodney Atkins, who was nominated for six awards, including top male vocalist, song of the year and album of the year.

"Garth is gonna play music until the good Lord takes him home," he said. "I think once music is a part of you never really stop."

Brooks announced his retirement in 2000 and said he wanted to focus on raising his three kids with wife Sandy Mahl. Brooks and Mahl divorced in 2001, and he married fellow country superstar Trisha Yearwood in 2005.

He's performed occasionally since, for charity and to promote his latest album, a three-disc compilation set called "The Ultimate Hits."
~
 

ACM Awards complete list of winners

ACM Awards complete list of winners
See full coverage at TuneInMusicCity.com

ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR

Kenny Chesney

TOP MALE VOCALIST

Brad Paisley


TOP FEMALE VOCALIST

Carrie Underwood

TOP VOCAL GROUP

Rascal Flatts

TOP NEW MALE VOCALIST

Jack Ingram

TOP NEW FEMALE VOCALIST

Taylor Swift

TOP NEW DUO OR VOCAL GROUP
Lady Antebellum

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
[Award to Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend – Miranda Lambert (Columbia)
Produced by Frank Liddell, Mike Wrucke

SINGLE RECORD OF THE YEAR
[Award to Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]

“Stay”
Sugarland, Produced by Kristian Bush, Byron Gallimore, Jennifer Nettles
Mercury

SONG OF THE YEAR
[Award to Composer(s)/Publisher(s)/Artist(s)]

“Stay”
Sugarland
Writer: Jennifer Nettles
Publishers: Jennifer Nettles Publishing (ASCAP)

VIDEO OF THE YEAR
[Award to Producer(s)/Director(s)/Artist(s)]

“Online” – Brad Paisley
Producer: Frames Per Second
Director: Jason Alexander

VOCAL EVENT OF THE YEAR
[Award to Artist(s)/Producer(s)/Record Company]

“Find Out Who Your Friends Are” – Tracy Lawrence With Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney
Produced by Julian King, Tracy Lawrence
Rocky Comfort/CO5




**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Crockpot Beef Roast

1 1/2 pounds Beef, stew or roast beef
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 package onion soup mix
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon A-1 steak sauce
3 large carrots, sliced
2 large celery stalks, sliced
1 medium green bell pepper, chopped
1 medium onion
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup tomato juice

Cut beef into serving-sized portions. Brown beef in a bit of vegetable oil, in a large skillet. Meanwhile, slice onion and separate into rings. Dice the peeled carrots, dice the celery and slice the peppers into thin strips or circles.


Chocolate Marshmallow Dreams

2 ea egg whites
1/8 tsp cream of tartar
1/2 cup Equal Sugar Lite
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp almond extract
1/2 cup miniature semi-sweet chocolate chips

Beat egg whites until foamy. Add cream of tartar, and continue beating until soft peaks form. Gradually add Equal� Sugar Lite, beating well after each addition. Continue beating until stiff peaks form. Beat in vanilla and almond extracts. Gently fold in chocolate pieces.

Drop or pipe mixture through a pastry tube onto parchment paper-lined baking sheets. Bake in preheated 250 F oven 40 minutes. Turn oven off, leaving door closed. Leave cookies in oven 30 minutes. Remove from oven and carefully lift cookies off parchment paper. Cool completely on wire rack. Store in airtight container at room temperature. Number of Servings: 15.

Nutritional Information:
Serving Size: 2 Cookies. Amount per serving: Calories 45, Calories From Fat, Total Fat 2 g, Saturated Fat 1 g, Cholesterol 0 mg, Sodium 8 mg, Total Carbohydrate 7 g, Sugars 3 g, Protein 1 g

Exchanges Per Serving: 1/2 Carbohydrate

Diabetic Friendly Chocolate Cheesecake

1 (5.25 ounce) package sugar-free chocolate graham crackers, crushed
1/3 cup reduced-calorie margarine, melted
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Cooking spray
1 (.25 ounce) envelope unflavored gelatin
1 cup fat-free milk
2 1/2 (8 ounce) packages 1/3-less-fat cream cheese (Neufchatel), softened
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
14 tablespoons granulated sugar substitute with aspartame (such as Equal
Spoonful)
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
5 (0.6 ounce) sugar-free chocolate wafer bars, coarsely chopped

Combine first 3 ingredients, stirring well. Press into bottom and 1 inch up sides of a 9-inch spring-form pan coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 minutes. Remove from oven; let cool on a wire rack.

Sprinkle gelatin over milk in a small saucepan; let stand 1 minute. Cook over low heat, stirring until gelatin dissolves, about 2 minutes. Let cool slightly.

Beat cream cheese at medium speed of an electric mixer until creamy. Add vanilla, beating well. Add gelatin mixture, beating until smooth. Add sugar substitute and cocoa; beat just until blended. Pour mixture into prepared crust. Cover and chill at least 3 hours or until set. Before serving, top with chopped wafers. Serves 12.

Nutritional Information:
Per Serving: Calories 238 Fat 16.5g (sat 8.4g) Protein 8.1g Carbohydrate
20.8g Fiber 1.5g Cholesterol 36mg Sodium 308mg


Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza

1 pkg. (10 oz.) refrigerated pizza dough
1/2 lb. lean ground beef
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 can (8 oz.) pizza sauce
1 medium tomato, thinly sliced
2 slices bacon, crisp cooked, drained, and cut up
1 cup (4 oz.) shredded Cheddar or American cheese

Unroll pizza dough according to package directions. Place on a greased 10" x 15" jelly roll baking sheet. Build up edges slightly. Bake in a preheated 425� F., oven for 8 to 10 minutes or until lightly browned.

Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook ground beef and onion until meat is brown and onion is tender. Drain well. Spread pizza sauce over hot crust. Sprinkle with ground beef mixture. Top with tomato slices and bacon pieces. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake about 10 minutes more or until cheese is melted and sauce is bubbly. Makes 4 servings.

Nutritional Information:
Calories 412, total fat 20 g, sat fat 9 g, cholesterol 68 mg, sodium 827 mg, carbs 35 g, fiber 2 g, protein 23 g.

Diabetic Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 vegetable, 2 lean meat, 2 fat.


Spinach Dip

3/4 cup fat-free cottage cheese
1/4 cup reduced-fat brick-style cream cheese
2 tablespoons lite mayonnaise
1 (10 oz.) package frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
1 (8 oz.) can water chestnuts, drained and finely chopped
1/2 cup dried vegetable snack mix, optional (not included in nutrient analysis)
2 green onions, white and green parts only, finely chopped
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill (or 1 tablespoon dried)
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1 small clove garlic, minced

In a food processor or blender, puree the cottage cheese, cream cheese and mayonnaise until smooth.

In a medium bowl, combine the cottage cheese mixture with the spinach, water chestnuts, vegetable mix, green onions, dill, mustard, and garlic. Cover and refrigerate at least 1 hour to blend flavors. (The dip can be stored this way for up to 24 hours.) Serves 12.


****A Parting Thought ****

According to The New York Times, Bill Clinton, while on stage, was actually wiping away a tear. When Hillary saw this, she said, “Don’t worry, Bill. I’ll always be here with you.” And he said, “Don’t make it worse.”


 


Last Call Y'ALL
SeeYa Tomorrow

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. 
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME  

The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.

Our features are intended to be for entertainment only.

Disclaimer : All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer.
~
GOD BLESS
AMERICA
   ~ 
To subscribe, Click on a link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com
or
http://lists.topica.com/lists/Thedailyfunnies
~
To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list
click on link at the end of this mailing
~
Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004
Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or
comments at:
jim4615@verizon.net
Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list


God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE

Scanned by Avast
virus protection
and AVG EDITION 8.0

~
Thedailyfunnies-unsubscribe@topica.com












<< May16, 2008 - The Funnies May20, 2008 - The Funnies >>
The Funnies Archives Index | Subscribe | RSS
Google
 
Web http://archives.zinester.com
Archives powered by Zinester's Mailing List Service
Details on The Funnies
Browse for more newsletters at Zinester's Ezine Directory
Managed by Zinester's Mailing List Management