I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Elizabeth-Statlers
Today's country music video for: 
Friday May 23,2008

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfC1jU_LkSc 

The midnight jamboree
watch live
on
http://www.ernesttubb.com/


Sunday morning following t he opry
This week's guest
MAY 24 - JOHNNY WESTERN

Thought For Today: My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

A large steel column next to my cubicle got whacked during the
office renovation and, as a result, a sharp spur stuck out from
the side. The site supervisor came over with a worker, pointed to
the pole, and said, "That's really sharp and could hurt someone. I
want it filed down." The worker reached out, touched it, and said
"Ouch!" just as the supervisor yelled "Don't touch it!" When the
worker looked at the blood welling up, the supervisor said, "Wow,
that *is* sharp!" and reached out and touched it. "Ouch!" he said,
stuck his finger in his mouth, and walked away with the worker.

Five minutes later, the worker came back with an underling. "That's
what needs to be filed down," he said. "It's really sharp." The
underling reached out and touched it. "Ow!" he yelped and yanked
his finger away.

Fortunately he filed it down right there and then before anyone
else could verify how sharp it was.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During the eight years he served as Eisenhower's vice president,
Richard Nixon had many reminders of the esteem accorded to people in
his position. Once, the Nixons were staying at a hotel in Chicago
when a fire alarm went off in the middle of the night. Hundreds
of guests, including Dick and Pat Nixon, were herded into the
lobby. Once Nixon realized that it was a false alarm, he and his
wife headed for the elevator.

"Just a minute," said the hotel's security chief. "Everyone stays
in the lobby until we get the all clear."

"I'm the vice president," Nixon said.

"Oh," the security chief said. "Sorry. Go right ahead."

Nixon pressed the elevator button, and the security chief had
second thoughts. "Vice president?" he said. "Of what?"

"Of the United States," Nixon answered.

"Get back out here," the security chief said. "I thought you were
a vice president of the hotel."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On our way to the ski hill, my friend's children decided to "find
me a man" by the end of the day.

The kids did their best to let it be known I was unmarried and
to introduce me to anyone who was skiing alone and therefore,
in their minds, single.

To my great relief they finally got bored with their mission and
charged off on their own. I then made my way to the chair lift. As
I moved near the front of the line, a gentleman close to my age said
"Excuse me, but are you single?"

Groaning inwardly, I said, "Yes, but despite what you may have
heard, I'm really not looking to get married."

He looked at me oddly. "All I want is someone to share the chair
lift with."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one
week and found the boss waiting for him.

"What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcast-
ically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss.

The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten
minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you
down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp --
ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter,
landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here
piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss,
obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded
with fans watching a sporting event on television. The harried
waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with
no sign of her return.

I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly
shouts of victory came from the bar.

"Hey," commented my 11-year-old, "it sounds as if someone just
got his food."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lawyer was asked if he would like to become a Jehovah's Witness.

He declined, stating that he hadn't seen the accident.

He did say, however, that he would still be interested in taking
the case.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?

A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was arrested for speeding, reckless driving, driving without
lights and violation of traffic signals. He demanded a trial
by jury.

"But you can't win that case in court," a friend advised him.

"I know," said the man.

The friend asked, "Then why did you request a trial by Jury?"

The man said, "I figure this way.... I got a much better chance
of fooling 12 amateurs in the jury than I do to fool a judge with
a college education! Don't you agree with me on that?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend of mine was visiting a college, which had those security
call boxes every few hundred feet. If you were wandering around
the campus at night and felt uneasy about somebody following you,
for instance, you could hit the button and have a security officer
come investigate immediately.

On one of these phones hung a sign that said, "Out of Order."

Underneath it someone had scrawled, "Keep Running!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Activated from the Army Reserves for a joint service Arctic
exercise, I was assigned to the air reconnaissance section.
Although I had recently been promoted, I was feeling rusty, and
wanted to get started learning my duties so as not to appear too
"green."

I confided to the Air Force lieutenant colonel who greeted me
that I was anxious to meet the Air Boss right away. "Don't worry,
son," he said reassuringly, "the Air Boss is a real professional,
knows his stuff cold and works well with his people. Great guy."

"Terrific!" I replied. "What's his name?"

Looking through the roster, the welcoming officer replied, "O'Hara."

"Oh, no," I groaned. "That's me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group how a
submachine gun sprayed bullets. He drew a circle on a blackboard
and announced that it had 260 degrees.

"But, sergeant, all circles have 360 degrees," called out a
conscript.

"Don't be stupid," the sergeant roared. "This is a small circle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A career military officer relates this story about a general staff
meeting he attended many years ago. A young captain was present
at his very first such meeting.

The general threw out a tactical problem seeking answers. The
colonel, sitting on the general's right, leaned into the problem
and answered it in detail. During this process, the young captain,
at the foot of the gathering, kept shaking his head.

After the colonel had finished the general looked around and asked
if anyone had anything to add. Somewhat brashly the captain spoke
up, "I disagree completely with the colonel, sir."

"Don't you think it might be wise to defer to the judgment of the
colonel, captain?"

Right back the captain said, "That is not the way you made general,
sir."

The general looked at the captain for about ten seconds and finally
said, "No, you are right, captain. But that sure as hell is how
I made major."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Even though I'm well into my 30's, I still stop by my parents
house to mow their lawn. One afternoon the young kid next door was
cutting his grass at the same time. "It's punishment for skipping
a day of school," he explained. "Why are you still doing your
folks' yard?"

"Because I once cut a class when I was your age," I said, trying
to keep a straight face.

I'm told he's had perfect attendance ever since.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brakes not working today?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1296.html
<a
href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1296.html">Here!</a>

Real Price Revealed
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny813.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny813.html">Here!</a>

Forgetful
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny815.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny815.html">Here!</a>

I was going to order a satellite dish but then I found out that I had to go through channels.

Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 
 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214

About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim


This week at theOpry

****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
Thanks Bill

****A Parting Thought ****
Good luck to Sarah in Sunday's Indy 500.
May God Bless you and be with you.
You are in my prayers

Last Call Y'ALL
Have a great weekend,enjoy the races.
Please don't drink and drive


HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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