I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Dottie West
Today's country music video for: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-mdrfI5qnA&feature=related 

Tuesday May 27,2008

Thought For Today: The real story of luck and perhaps fate in the Indy 500

The regular funnies will return tomorrow
Thank you for reading

74 year old Harold tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a
cast on it and warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off.
A month later he removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to
recovery. "Oh good," Harold responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the
stairs now?"
"Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful."
"I can't tell you what a relief it will be," Harold sighed. "It was such a nuisance
crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keeping our old farmhouse clean is a constant challenge. Muddy boots, socks
embedded with straw, dirt blowing through the windows, grandchildren, cats
and dogs, even the occasional newborn calf warming up on the porch all
contribute to my daily ritual of sweeping, shaking, vacuuming and washing.
I thought I was pretty neat and tidy until at work one day a colleague with no
kids and no pets complained about how dirty her house gets. "How bad can
it be?" I asked. "There are just the two of you living in a new condo in the city."
"Well," she complained, "have you ever noticed how much dust flies into the
air when you pull a Kleenex out of the box?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As we drove to the store, I quizzed my eight-year-old son, Dwayne, on
plural and singular forms of nouns. He correctly answered "children" for
"child," "men" for "man," and "mice" for "mouse." When we were delayed
by construction on the road, I asked Dwayne how he'd describe more than
one car, just like the ones in front of us. "Cars," he said.
"Very good," I replied.
"It's not cars," corrected his six-year-old brother, from the backseat.
"It's traffic."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He talked
to the children about his tribe and its traditions, then shared with them this
fun fact: "There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand, "But what if you're hammering a nail and
accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered, "is when we use your language."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who recalls when folks got along without something if it cost
too much?
I still do
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No longer able to fit behind the wheel of our truck in my last month of pregnancy,
I convinced my husband it was time to buy a minivan. On our way home from the
dealership, I told him that I liked the vanity mirror, as it made my face look thin.
“Your face is thin,” my loving husband replied. Just as I was ready to thank him
for being so sweet, he said, “compared to the rest of you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 At the hospital where I work, the quality of meals offered in the cafeteria is
a true source of aggravation. One day I watched two young surgeons
approach the serving line. After reading the posted menu and looking
over the dishes behind the sneeze guard glass, Dr. Green turned to his
companion and said, "Well, no doubt about it, this calls for a culinary
bypass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 I decided that my two boys and I should see an eye doctor for long-overdue
checkups. I was approaching 40 and thought perhaps I needed glasses. Nate,
16, was having a lot of headaches, and Zachary, my youngest, was sitting
too close to the TV.
The ophthalmologist entered and asked us what the problems were. After
relating to him a brief history of our complaints, he looked at Zachary. "So,
young fellow, you can't see the television?"
"No," replied Zachary, "I can't hear it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shortly after having been in a car accident, my husband and I were at the
doctor's office. I overheard the doctor ask my husband how he was feeling.
Nick told him about a wretched headache he had.
As the doctor examined Nick's head, he asked, "Where do you usually get
your headaches?"
"At home," Nick replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 
 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214

About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim

****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
Thanks Bill

**** Today's Useless Fact ****

A healthy man who is good physical shape has about 12 to 15
percent body fat. A woman in good shape has between 15 to
18 percent. The models used in most of the advertising for
abdominal machines, on the other hand, have less than 10
percent body fat.



****A Parting Thought ****
 I was shopping for groceries when I saw the sign for "feminine needs," and
I thought to myself, "Finally, a store that sells nice, cute guys with money
who call when they say they're gonna. Where, oh where, are my double coupons?"

Last Call Y'ALL
See ya

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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