I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Suzy Bogguss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_fDT6qBLyk
Today's country music video for:
Monday June 16,2008

Thought For Today: Gas in Tijuana is 2.90 a gallon...
Time to make a run for the
border.

I was selling surplus vegetables from our garden at the farmers' market. Toward the end of the season, some of the otherwise delicious sweet corn began to show a little caterpillar damage at the tips. If I noticed such imperfections, I'd put a bonus ear into each customer's bag. One busy Saturday I gave an extra ear to each of two customers in succession, then noticed that the third in line was a particularly picky buyer. Hoping to avoid criticism, I carefully selected 12 perfect ears for her. It was the wrong strategy. "How come you gave me only 12 and them 13?" she asked sharply. "Because I gave you a dozen good ears and there were worms in some of theirs," I answered in a conciliatory manner. "Well, then," she snapped, "I want a worm too!" I meekly found a wormy ear and stuffed it in her bag.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A local florist just went out of business, but it was his own fault. He kept getting his orders mixed up. One woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business meeting in Florida. She was perplexed by the message on her card: "Our deepest sympathy." But she was not nearly as surprised as the woman whose husband had just passed away. Her card read, "Hotter here than I expected. Too bad you didn't come too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The selling and selecting of watermelons in the South becomes a way of life in summer. Just about every one of my customers thumps many melons before making a final selection, but no one can ever agree on exactly what the proper sound of a ripe melon should be. One afternoon a blind man, a piano tuner by trade, came into my store to choose his melon. He felt and thumped some of the larger melons, but he always returned to the same one. Then, with two final resounding thumps, he announced, "B flat! I'll take it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of our church deacons, a barber, at the Baptist church in Alabama, was feeling guilty because he had never witnessed for the Lord.

One day a man came into his barbershop and asked for a shave. The barber put him in the chair and lathered his face. He thought this would be the perfect time to witness to the customer.

Nervously he asked, "S-S-Sir, are you r-r-ready to m-m-m-meet the L-L-Lord?"

The man opened his eyes wide, and saw the barber holding the razor with a shaking hand. He jumped out of his chair and took off running down the street with the hair cloth flapping in the wind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the lady whose cooking was so bad the flies took up a collection to have a patch put on her screen door?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Irishman was downing them faster than usual when the man on the barstool next to him said, "What's wrong?"

The first Irishman said, "I'm drinking to the memory of me wife. She was a saint on earth. She went to church every single morning, spent her days reading and quoting the Scriptures, sang hymns and psalms all evening, filled our house with religious statues and paintings, and invited priests and nuns to dinner three times a week."

"She sounds like an angel," the second man commented, "I suppose the good Lord took her early to Himself."

"No," the first Irishman replied. "I strangled her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GRANDPA'S WISDOM

Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.

On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past, but never the present.

When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', an scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My sister tells how one day a dozen roses were delivered to her with a card reading only: "Someone who loves you. " No name. Being single, her first thoughts were of the men in her life - old boyfriends, new acquaintances. Or could it be Mom and Dad? Someone at work? She mentally ran down the list. Finally she called a friend to help her go over the possibilities. Something the friend said provided a clue.

"Janet, did you send the flowers?" my sister asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you sounded so depressed the last time we talked that I wanted you to spend the day thinking about all the people who love you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While meeting with my Auto Insurance agent, Carl,
I confessed to him
that I'd been comparing rates on the Internet and
had gotten a quote
that was 30% less than his.
        "Tell me, Frank," responded Carl, "when
you have an emergency,
whom do you want to deal with -- a man or a
mouse?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the garden centre a customer ordered several rolls of sod. After ringing up the purchase I told him the total. "That's too expensive," he said. "But it includes tax," I replied, trying to be helpful. "I don't think I'll need tacks," he said slowly. "It should stay down by itself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went
and looked around and couldn't find any.

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said,

"These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been
sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

"The produce guy looked at me and said,

"No. You'll have to do that yourself."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's Links:

 Video Golf Range

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UwJmUbBsnE

 

Social Security
http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/

Brain Pop Games and Puzzles
http://www.brainpop.com/

 

Science News
http://www.scienceagogo.com/

BabyBoomers
http://www.octanecreative.com/boomerbaby/

 

Every Day with Rachael Ray
http://www.rachaelraymag.com/

Floor Cleaning Tips
http://home.howstuffworks.com/floor-cleaning-tips.htm

"How Black Lights Work"
http://tinyurl.com/3xh2bu

 

Game Cube Busters

He couldn't be right ALL the time!!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny484.html
<a
href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny484.html">Here</a>

Scouse Furniture
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/022.htm
<a
href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/022.htm"> Here

HERE'S The BEEF!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny485.html
<a
href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny485.html">Here</a>

Scouse Fairy Liquid Advert
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/021.htm
<a
href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/021.htm"> Here

It's Not Survivor
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny799.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny799.html">Here!</a>

Natural Beauty
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/051.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/051.htm"> Here </a>

Why Grandma Isn't On The Internet...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/004.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/004.htm"> AOL here </a>

And the sign says....
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1167.html
<a
href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1167.html">Here!</a>

 

Great Dane: the kind of puppy that has the house broken before he is.

Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 
 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214

About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim

"Most people hate the taste of beer to begin with. It is, however,
a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome."
Winston Churchill

****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
Thanks Bill

-15-

Blind Alfred Reed, songwriter/multi-instrumentalist/recording artist, born Floyd, VA 1880.

Tex Owens, singer/songwriter, wrote "Cattle Call" born Killeen, TX 1892.

Marvin Hughes, pianist, born Nashville, TN 1911.

Leon Payne, singer/songwriter, born Alba, TX 1917.

Tommy Vaden, fiddler, born Nashville, TN 1925.

Bill Porter, record company executive, born St. Louis, MO 1931.

Waylon Jennings, born Littlefield, TX 1937.

Gene Autry's hit single "Wave To Me, My Lady" charted 1946.

Terri Gibbs, recording artist/keyboardist, born Miami, FL 1954.

Jack Clement went to work for Sam Phillips at Sun Studio's in Memphis, 1956.

Webb Pierce released "I Ain't Never," 1959.

Terry Smith bassist/studio musician, born Reidsville, NC 1960.

Johnny Cash performed at the Hollywood Bowl 1962.

Buck Owens' "Act Naturally," becomes the first #1 of his career, 1963.

Michael Britt, guitar/vocals, "Lonestar," born Ft. Worth, TX 1966.

"Hee Haw" debuted on the CBS-TV network 1969. Buck Owens and Roy Clark were co-hosts; the Buckaroos were hired as house band. CBS dropped the show in 1971 and it went into syndication.

Bill Gatins died 1973.

John Denver's #1 hit "Annie's Song" charted on Billboard's Top 40 chart 1974.

Tom T. Hall recorded "Mama's Got The Catfish Blues" 1976.

The Johnny Cash Show toured Australia from the 15th through the 23rd, in 1981.

The City of Nashville awarded Marty Robbins the Metronome Award 1985.

C.F. Martin III died 1986.

Ruby Falls, age 40, singer/songwriter died Nashville, TN 1986.

Minnie Pearl appeared on her last show date in Joliet, IL 1991.

Lucky Moeller, age 84, died 1996.

RCA Records released Alabama's album "Twentieth Century" 1999.

Jamie O'Neal debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 2001.

Jerry Lee Lewis hospitalized in Memphis in 2001, suffering from pneumonia.

-16-

George McCormick, born rural Carthage, TN 1933.

Billy "Crash" Craddock, born "William Wayne Craddock," Greensboro, NC 1939.

The Rouse Brothers recorded the first version of "The Orange Blossom Special," 1939.

Hank and Audrey Williams, held the Grand Opening of their "Hank & Audrey's Corral," western store, at 724 Commerce Street, in downtown Nashville in 1951. The opening celebration was broadcast by WSM.

Lefty Frizzell topped the charts with "I Want To Be With You Always" 1951.

Buck Owens recorded "Under You Spell Again" at Capitol Records, Hollywood 1959. The record was released on July 13, 1959, and became the first of Buck's compositions to become a country standard.

Marty Robbins' movie, "Hell On Wheels," premiered in Nashville, 1967.

Wynn Stewart was #1 on the charts with "It's Such A Pretty World Today" 1967.

Bob Nolan, "Robert Clarence Nobles", age 72, Sons of the Pioneers," died 1980.

Eddy Raven's "I Got Mexico," went to #1 in 1984.

Lee Mace, founder of Lee Mace's Ozark Opry, died 1985.

MCA released Vince Gill's "High Lonesome Sound"

Koch Records released Gail Davies' "Greatest Hits" album 1998.

Jack McFadden, age 71, died 1998. Jack was the talent coordinator for "Hee Haw," and managed Buck Owens career for three decades.

Mark Wills and Darryl Worley were invited by President Bush to join him at MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa, FL, as he thanked the troops at CENTCOM for their hard work and dedication to duty. Mark and Darryl performed for the troops and their family's 2004.

Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorrison2002@hotmail.com

 **** Country Music News ****

Man claims he is Eddy Arnold's son
Petition seeks DNA testing on remains

By BEVERLY KEEL • Celebrity Columnist • June 14, 2008

A California man claiming to be the illegitimate son of late country singer Eddy Arnold has filed a petition to establish paternity in Davidson County Chancery Court.

Christopher Edward Tanner, 47, who lives in Anaheim, Calif., filed a petition requesting DNA testing be administered on the remains of Arnold to establish that Arnold is his biological father, and he is requesting that he be legitimated.


The petition, filed on Wednesday, stated that Arnold was made aware of Tanner's claim numerous times, and that his estate was made aware of it after his death but before Arnold's burial, but that his body was buried anyway.

Arnold, who died at age 89 on May 8, was a member of the Country Music Hall of Fame who sold more than 85 million records and was known for hits such as "Make the World Go Away," "You Don't Know Me" and "I Want to Go with You."

Singer's family is upset
Bryan Howard, an attorney for Arnold's estate, said Friday that Arnold had denied to his family the claims that he fathered Tanner.

"For one thing, what we've been told is that the petitioner is 47 years old, and it's pretty suspect that someone who really thought Eddy Arnold was his father would wait 47 years," Howard said.

Howard said Arnold's family "is very upset about it and the fact that someone would try to damage his reputation.''

Tanner said he never met or spoke with Arnold, despite attempts by his mother, Arlene Tanner-Glynn, to allow the two to meet beginning around 1987. Tanner-Glynn said her son had joined the U.S. Marines and officials had asked about his family and medical history.

"I tried," he said. "It's not like we just popped out of the woodwork. They've known about us pretty much my whole life."

Tanner-Glynn, 69, who lives in Queens, N.Y., said she worked in the music industry and was romantically involved with Arnold in New York for two or three years in the late '50s and early '60s. In 1992, The New York Post's Cindy Adams interviewed Tanner-Glynn about her claims. She said she never filed any legal documents relating to paternity or child support while Arnold was alive.

Tanner said he will do what is necessary to "make things right," possibly even pursuing legal options to exhume Arnold's body for DNA testing.

When asked if he would be seeking claim to a portion of Arnold's estate, which is reportedly worth more than $40 million, Tanner said when his mother recently contacted the Arnold family regarding DNA testing, "We didn't mention anything about any kind of monetary thing at all. It's more to stake my claim to being his son," he said.

But his mother said that she told Howard, "Don't you think he should be entitled to part of the estate after all of this nonsense all of these years?"

Celebrity columnist Beverly Keel can be reached at 615-259-8073 or beverly@tennessean.com. 


Aaron Tippin - Father's Day
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Aaron Tippin says if you look up his two sons on his cell phone, under occupation, it says: best friend. Tippin says if he's not working he's hanging out with them. He says on Father's Day when the boys bring him his gifts "they always say, dad here's your present. And I always say no, no, you guys are my present." Tippin says he also lucked out in the dad department. He says his dad "was the smartest, coolest guy I knew. He was an airplane pilot." Tippin's dad died in 2005. The title song on his new CD "He Believed" is a tribute to his father. The CD is on sale at Cracker Barrel stores.



Neal Mccoy - Father's Day
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Father's Day isn't a big deal around Neal McCoy's household. He says "we don't do a lot on Mother's Day and Father's Day." He says "It's nothing special." He says usually his wife and kids buy him stuff but that's about it. He says because he's gone so much "just being home is special enough."

Carrie Underwood Snags Her Third Co-Written #1 Single
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Carrie Underwood has snagged her seventh consecutive Number 1 single, with "Last Name." The distinction makes her the only artist in country chart history to have her first seven singles all reach Number 1. "Last Name" is her third co-written Number 1 single.

Kellie Pickler Takes In Tim Mcgraw Show In Atlanta
Country Music World
Kellie Pickler is quite spontaneous. She writes on her MySpace page that she was home Tuesday morning when she heard Tim McGraw was playing about three hours away in Atlanta, so she hopped on her tour bus and drove to Georgia. She says "I don't know what got in me but I always get these wild hairs and do the most random things!" Pickler says the show was amazing. She says "Tim was so nice....he gave me and my guest FRONT ROW TICKETS!!!" She says the only thing that would have made the night better is if Faith Hill had performed. She says "maybe I will get to tour with them in the future!!! Let's keep our fingers crossed!!! That would be AMAZING!!!!"

Nominees Announced For Americana Honors & Awards Show
NASHVILLE, Tenn.
Alison Krauss, Robert Plant, Levon Helm and James McMurtry lead the nominees for the Americana Music Association, with three nods apiece. Alison Krauss and Robert Plant are up for duo/group of the year, album of the year and song of the year. McMurtry and Helm are also up for album of the year and song of the year, as well as artists of the year. Steve Earle is nominated for artist of the year. Sam Bush is a nominee in the instrumentalist of the year category. Drive-By Truckers are up for duo/group of the year. The awards ceremony is slated for Thursday, September 18th, at Nashville's Ryman Auditorium.

Jessica Simpson Added To Country Thunder Usa Lineup
Country Music World
Jessica Simpson is taking her new country act on the road. She's joined the lineup for the Country Thunder USA festival next month in Randall, Wisconsin. Simpson will play the night of Saturday, July 19th. Others on the bill that night include Sara Evans, Kellie Pickler and Luke Bryan. The festival kicks off Wednesday, July 16th with the likes of Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift and Joe Nichols.

Lynyrd Skynyrd's Billy Powell To Play Saturday, Despite Recovering From Hip Replacement Surgery
ORANGE PARK, Fla.
Billy Powell of Lynyrd Skynyrd isn't going to let something like hip replacement surgery stop him from making tomorrow's homecoming show in Jacksonville, Florida. He tells The Florida Times-Union "I'm going to wear a hip brace, but I am definitely going to make the show." Powell underwent partial revision hip replacement surgery last month. Powell dislocated the hip after a Skynyrd show in Knoxville, Tennessee, and doctors were unable to get the hip to stay in place. The paper reports Powell had both hips replaced in the 1970s, after he was seriously injured in the plane crash that killed several of his bandmates.

Plans Made To Rebuild Idaho Cabin Where Olive Osmond, The Family Matriarch, Was Born
SAMARIA, Idaho
The Idaho log cabin where the mother of Donny and Marie Osmond was born could soon become a tourist attraction. The Idaho State Journal says plans are under way to rebuild Olive Osmond's birthplace in Samaria, Idaho, a town of about 200 people. Resident Luke Waldron says he hopes to raise enough money to have the dismantled building put together in time for Samaria Days on July 18th, when the Osmonds Second Generation will perform. The musical group includes the eight sons of Alan Osmond.


Today's Birthday:
Singer Susan Haynes is 36.

Saturday's Birthday:
Spooner Oldham of Drive-By Truckers is 65.

Sunday's Birthdays:
Singer Terri Gibbs is 54.
Bluegrass musician Terry Smith is 48.
Musician Tony Ardoin is 44.
Guitarist Michael Britt of Lonestar is 42.
Bluegrass musician Jamie Johnson is 36.
By Myra Lopez
**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Diabetic Delight...

 Diabetic PUMPKIN PARFAIT WITH BERRIES AND LOW-FAT WHIPPED TOPPING
1-1/2 cups pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix) 
1 tablespoon sugar 
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg 
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves 
1/2 cup evaporated skim milk 
10 tablespoons low-fat whipped topping 
1 cup fresh or frozen raspberries 
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 

Combine the pumpkin puree with the sugar, nutmeg, and cloves.
Slowly fold in the evaporated skim milk and 2 tablespoons of
the whipped topping. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve. 
When ready to serve, spoon 2 layers of the following ingredients
into each parfait glass, each layer to go in this order:
2 tablespoons pumpkin mixture, 1 tablespoon whipped topping,
1 layer berries. Garnish the top of the last layer with cinnamon.
Chill for 1 hr. Serve. 

Yield:4 servings 
Nutritional Info Per Serving (1 parfait): Cals: 108, Fat: 2 g,
Chol: 1 mg, Sod 44 mg, Carb:20 g, Protein: 4 g 
Diabetic Exchanges: 1-1/2 Other Carb 

Sausage-Fruit Kabobs from Recipe Du Jour
3  Tbsp. spicy brown or Dijon-style mustard
3  Tbsp. honey
12  oz. cooked smoked sausage, bias cut in 1/2-inch slices
1  apple, cored and cut in 1/2-inch wedges
1  medium zucchini, halved and cut in 1/4-inch slices
6  oz. crusty bread, cut into 1-inch pieces


1. Preheat broiler. In bowl stir mustard into honey.
2. On four 12-inch skewers alternately thread sausage, apples, and
zucchini, leaving 1/4 inch between pieces. Brush with some of the
honey-mustard; reserve remaining honey-mustard. Place on rack of
unheated broiler pan. Broil 4 to 5 inches from heat for 4 minutes.
3. Meanwhile, thread bread on four 12-inch skewers; lightly brush with
olive oil. Add bread skewers to broiler; turn sausage skewers. Broil 3
minutes more or until sausage is heated through and bread is toasted,
turning bread once. Serve with reserved honey-mustard. Makes 4 servings.

Nutrition facts per serving:Calories 527 Total Fat (g) 32 Saturated Fat (g) 9
Monounsaturated Fat (g) 15 Polyunsaturated Fat (g) 4 Cholesterol (mg) 52
Sodium (mg) 1138 Carbohydrate (g) 33 Total Sugar (g) 23 Fiber (g) 3
Protein (g) 11 

**** Today's Useless Fact ****

Why do we have toenails and fingernails?

We find nail polish to be a good enough reason for having them but thought you might be looking for a more scientific answer. According to some the human and primate nail corresponds to the claw, hoof, or talon of other animals. Human nails protect the tips of the toes and fingers, while fingernails help us pick up small objects and scratch ourselves.

On the other hand, the feet of primates are capable of gripping objects, just like their hands, so their toenails have much the same function as fingernails. However, human toenails seem to be an evolutionary leftover.

On one of the links, podiatrist Michael Zapf agrees that nails are essential for manipulation and scratching (and he points out the importance of scratching in a primate or human's life). But the doctor debunks the notion that nails exist to protect the tips of toes and fingers. He argues that your digits wouldn't be especially sensitive without nails. Dermatologist Mitch Bender appears to agree: "People can get along without nails -- toenails more than fingernails -- but they do make daily life a bit easier."

So, though there's some disagreement about whether or not toenails and fingernails serve to protect our digits, our resources all agree that our nails help us pick up little stuff like pencils, peanuts, and even bottles of nail polish.





****A Parting Thought ****
"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."
......Milton Berle

" A little lemon and seltzer will remove those pesky ink stains after
you've been fingerprinted. " -Martha Stewart

Last Call Y'ALL

" A little lemon and seltzer will remove those pesky ink stains after
you've been fingerprinted. " -Martha Stewart

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. 
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
EVERYONE IS FAIR GAME  
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
addresses to anyone for any reason.
Our features are intended to be for entertainment only.