I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Today's country music video for:
Wednesday June 18,2008
Keith Whitley-"Don't Close Your Eyes"-1988
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-Nub5gWCKY

Thought For Today:  
According to a new medical study, it's healthy for a wife to get angry at
her husband than to keep it all inside which can lead to disease. So guys
when the wife runs you over with the SUV, she's just trying to live a
healthier lifestyle.



"Doctor," said the old professor, "that rectal exam hurt like
hell! What in tar nation did you do?"

"I used two fingers," said the doctor.

"What the heck for?" cried the old professor.

"I needed a second opinion."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 I was sleeping and Zeke had to go out, so he barked once.
I was very groggy and used the bathroom, then took him out.
We got back in and I was sitting on the couch when he went
to the door of the bathroom and kept barking at the toilet.
It was a bark I did not recognize.
Then I got scared and wondered if someone had snuck in
while we were out. I dialed 9 on my phone and kept my finger
over the one. I cautiously went towards the bathroom, all set
to call 911 if need be. I thought it was weird that Zeke would
not go in the bathroom, but was barking at it.
I could see no one was hiding behind the shower curtain and
went it. Guess what? I had tinkled and not flushed while in my
half asleep phase. Zeke wanted a drink from the toilet! I guess
I have never forgotten to flush before. Here I was all scared
and now I can’t stop laughing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One evening, my husband and I were snuggled together on
the floor watching television. During a commercial break, he
reached over and gave my foot a gentle squeeze.
"Mmmmm," I said. "That's so sweet."
"Actually," he admitted sheepishly, "I thought that was the remote."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill had gone to the doctor's office for his semi-annual checkup.
He USED to go once a year -- but since he passed the "double
nickel," he had increased it to every six months.

The nurse took his vitals as she checked him in. Then he sat in the
waiting room, waiting for the doctor to call him into the office.
As Mrs. Redding came out of his office, the doctor said, "Bill?
Come on in."

Bill entered the office and took a seat in the patient's chair.
The doctor checked the day's sheet, and said, "I see that your
blood pressure is high this morning."

"It runs in the family," said Bill.

Probing a little farther, the doctor asked, "On your mother's side?

Or on your father's side?"

"Neither one."

"Well, what makes you say high blood pressure runs in your family?"
the doctor inquired.

He replied, "It's the wife's family, doc."

This knocked the doctor for a loop! "I want you to tell me how
your in-laws can cause YOU to have high blood pressure!"

Bill said, "Shoot! I'll do even better than that! We're having
deer this Sunday. I know your office ain't open. How bout if
you come out, and you can see for YOURSELF how inlaws can give
high blood pressure! YOURS may even be up when you leave!" -- Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A farm was sold to some city folks. The old farmer next door was out one
day and saw the new neighbor planting in his garden. The farmer watched
as the man would dig a hole, set a tomato plant and pour in a shot of
whiskey. The farmer couldn’t help but ask what he was planting. “Stewed
tomatoes,” was the reply. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New
York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college,
employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It
was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers
learned of this, they would approach him about it.

"Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain,
can't swim?"

"No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman had forgotten to get her estrogen patch prescription
refilled, and soon the symptoms of menopause -- hot flashes,
forgetfulness, irritability--returned.

At the drugstore, she found herself telling the pharmacist all
about my problems.

After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people asked
you to get this refilled?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am wearing one of the sweaters from "The Cosby Show." Bill Cosby
and his wife Camille are auctioning them off for their charity. This
is a piece of television history. When I wear it, though, I have
a strong craving for a Jell-O Pudding Pop." -Jimmy Kimmel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nor can I
I attended airborne training, where I spent three weeks learning
how to pack parachutes and land without hurting myself.

I completed five jumps and received my wings.

After I returned home, my wife had done a load of laundry and I
was helping her fold it.

"I can't believe it," she said, after watching me for a while. "You
made five jumps with chutes you packed yourself, and you can't
even fold a fitted sheet!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duh
Lawyer to pregnant witness: "Do you know how far along in your
pregnancy you are now?"

"It'll be three months on April twelfth."

"Apparently then, the date of conception was around January
twelfth?"

"Yes, sir."

"And what were you doing at that time?"

"WELL... what do you think???"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My brother wanted me to find him a summer job. He asked me to
check with my boss, my friends, my business associates.

Then he asked me to run off 100 copies of his resume, call up
the employment agencies, and write an ad for the Positions Wanted
section of the newspaper.

I asked him what he wanted to call himself in the ad.

He said, "A self-starter!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl of 4 was told she needed an X-ray after an accident.
Her mother tried to calm her down, but she was still nervous when
the time came for the X-Ray. When she came out of the X-ray room,
however, she seemed relaxed and just fine. "They took a picture
of my bones." she told her mother.
"Yes, dear," replied the mother. "Did everything go all right?"
"Yeah," said the girl. "It was great! I didn't even have to take my skin
off, or anything!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Richard Cooper's hair kept falling out and he complained to his
barber. "That stuff you gave me," he cried, "is terrible! You said
two bottles of it would make me hair grow, but nothing's happened."

"I do not understand it," said the barber. "That is the best hair
restorer made."

"Well," said Richard Cooper, "I do not mind drinking another bottle,
but it better work!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One morning, while shaving, John was yelling  so
loudly it attracted the attention of Vickie, who was

preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
"What's the matter?" she called out.
"My razor - it won't cut!" he answered.
"Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell
me your beard is tougher than the tile that it cut
yesterday?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today's Links:

 Video Bill Cosby

Profile of Bill Cosby and his new memoir, The Beautiful Struggle

http://www.theatlantic.com/movies/cosby/

 

The Ultimate Guide to Grilling

http://www.realsimple.com/realsimple/package/0,21861,1734798,00.html

 

Charges On Your Phone Bill
This Federal Communications Commission site helps you to
understand the myriad of charges on your telephone bill.
http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/phonebills/samplePhonebill.html

 

Slang Dictionary
http://www.slangdictionary.com/

World Atlas
http://www.graphicmaps.com/geoquiz/thelist.htm

Virtual Ice Cream Cones
http://www.cybercones.com/

Oregon Museum
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oregon.html

 

 Game Brain Ball

Daily IQ/puzzle contest

http://www.brainbashers.com/gameloader/loader.asp?game=282

 Gasoline Price History
http://www.randomuseless.info/gasprice/gasprice.html

6 Worst Things to Eat at the Movies on Yahoo! Health
http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/8224/6-worst-things-to-eat-a
t-the-movies/

Hypermiling
http://www.edmunds.com/advice/fueleconomy/articles/120880/article.ht
ml

Roadside Emergency Kit
http://editorial.autos.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=435579

Dog Owners Warning
http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/dogowners.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/dogowners.htm"> Here </a>

Good Boy!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1062.html
<a
href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1062.html">Here!</a>

Wrinkle Machine
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/014.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/014.htm"> Here </a>Lego Volvo

http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/legovolvo.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/legovolvo.htm"> Here </a>

Good Boy!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1062.html
<a
href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1062.html">Here!</a>

Where Do Babies Come From?
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/016.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/016.htm"> Here </a>

Tied up in your work
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1073.html
<a
href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1073.html">Here!</a>

Burglars Beware
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/017.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/017.htm"> Here

Priorities
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/015.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/015.htm"> Here </a>

Mideast meets west
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1072.html
<a
href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1072.html">Here!</a>

Backyard Ice Rink
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/018.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/018.htm"> Here </a>
 

Relaxing outside, I suddenly heard shouts of "Kool Aid for sale!" The children
across the street were calling this to every car that stopped at the corner. After
an hour, I was weary of it. I went over and gave them each a dollar to quit yelling
"Kool Aid for sale!" They happily agreed. I had just settled comfortably back in
my lounge chair when I heard, "Iced tea for sale, ten cents a glass!"

Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 
 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214

About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim

****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
Thanks Bill

-18-

Slim Newman, of "The Georgia Crackers" born Cochran, GA 1910.

Dick Foran, singer/actor, born 1910.

A.P. Carter, age 23, married Sara Dougherty, age 16, in 1915. Both were elected to the CMHF, along with Maybelle, in 1970.

Zeke Turner of "Zeb and Zeke Turner" born Lynchburg, VA 1923.

Bill Morrison, TNT Recording artist, born Mattoon, IL 1940. Inducted Rockabilly Hall of Fame 7/1/2003.

Hank Williams made his second appearance on the Grand Ole Opry, this time on the NBC network portion of the show, in 1949.

Marty Haggard, singer/guitarist, son of Merle Haggard, born Bakersfield, CA 1958.

Marty Robbins released "The Last Time I Saw My Heart/She Was Only Seventeen" 1958.

Eddy Arnold's single "The Last Word In Lonesome Is Me" debuted on the charts 1966.

Henry Maddox, age 46, of "Maddox Brothers & Rose" died 1974.

Paul Howard, age 75, died Little Rock, AR 1984. Member Grand Ole Opry.

Cecil Campbell steel guitar/banjo died 1989.

Davis Daniel released his third album "I Know a Place" on A&M Records 1996.

RCA released "The Essential Chet Atkins" 1996.

The L.A. Times reported, the following country music stars, were honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1998: Reba McEntire, Charlie Pride, Freddy Fender, Alabama and Patsy Cline.

Exile released their album "All the No. 1 Hits" 2002.

Lonestar debuted on daytime TV as they made a guest appearance on Days Of Our Lives 2004.

Ray Charles, buried in Inglewood Park cemetery in California 2004.

Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorrison2002@hotmail.com

 **** Country Music News ****

Taylor Swift goes exclusively with Wal-Mart
Monday, June 16, 2008 – Taylor Swift will reportedly release an album exclusively through Wal-Mart in July containing two new songs along with previously released material and videos.
The CD/DVD collection, "Beautiful Eyes," drops July 15. The CD contains the title track and an acoustic version of the hit "Teardrops on My Guitar." The DVD portion contains videos for her first hit, "Tim McGraw" and "Picture to Burn." 

 

Wal-Mart previously has enjoyed exclusive arrangements with other artists including The Eagles.

 

Toby Keith's Ally House fundraiser raises $700K
Monday, June 16, 2008 – The fifth annual Toby Keith & Friends Celebrity Golf Classic raised a record-setting $709,000 for Ally's House, a local nonprofit that helps children with cancer and their families. The total bested last year's $500,000, pushing the 5-year total past $2.3 million.
"I knew we could make a difference with Ally's House, but it really is even bigger than I'd hoped," Keith said. "We've helped a ton of families...and we're proud that we have never had to turn away an Oklahoma family that needs help."

 

As in past years, many participants went home with some one-of-a-kind events on their calendars. The June 6-7 gathering brought 750 celebrities and guests together for golfing, music and a silent auction. Top auction items this year included dinner with Keith with 2 selling for $35,000 each. A Deadliest Catch package brought $27,500 for a chance to ride with Captain Sig and the Northwestern crew from the hit Discovery Channel crab fishing series.

 

Other top items include a cameo spot in an upcoming Keith music video that sold for $25,000, and tickets to a Las Vegas Keith performance with meet and greet passes, which went for $12,000. Autographed memorabilia at the auction included items from Tiger Woods, George Strait, Brett Favre, Adrian Peterson, LeBron James, Carrie Underwood, Andre Agassi, Tony Stewart, Peyton Manning, Loretta Lynn, Troy Aikman, Nolan Ryan and Tom Hanks.

 

Attendee Steve Payne drove away in a brand new Ford Truck after winning a closest-to-the-pin contest.

 

All funds go directly to Ally's House, the Norman-based organization named for Allison Webb, the daughter of original Toby Keith band member Scott Webb. Ally died at age two after losing a battle with kidney cancer. "Ally fought her cancer about a year, and she wanted at least one parent with her all the time and Scott and Linda both work," Keith said, explaining the inspiration behind Ally's House. "A year is a long time juggle that kind of life and that's what happens time and again. Family needs vary from medical and pharmacy bills to rent and utility payments. They also have expenses for lodging, food, health insurance premiums or deductibles, and right now especially high fuel costs. Ally's House helps pay different bills based on what that family needs."

 

 

Third Town gets boot from Nashville Star
Monday, June 16, 2008 – If Third Town is happening in Vegas, the trio should stay there because it won't be happening on Nashville Star. The group - Jeffrey Fairchild, James A. Kouns and Tony "Little Tony" Mosti - were voted off the country music version of American Idol Monday night with Melissa Lawson surviving.
That left a total of 10 performers vying to become the next Nashville Star. Third Town did not win high marks from judges Jewel and John Rich, while third judge, songwriter Jeffrey Steele, was more satisfied with their effort.

 

Charley Jenkins of Utah was eliminated last week.

 

Remaining finalists are Ashlee Hewitt; Coffey; Gabe Garcia; Justin Gaston; Laura Fedor and Sophie Zalokar; Pearl Heart (sisters Amy, Angela and Courtney Krechel); Shawn Mayer and Tommy Stanley.

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Diabetic Delight...

 APRICOT-ORANGE CHICKEN WITH GLAZED ONIONS
Source: "Express Lane Diabetic Cooking"

  1 whole roasted deli chicken, skinned
  3 tablespoons no-added-sugar apricot preserves, divided
  3 tablespoons no-added-sugar orange marmalade, divided
  2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar, divided
  Nonstick cooking spray
1 large onion, quartered
1 clove garlic, minced

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. In small bowl, blend
1 tablespoon each apricot preserves, marmalade, and vinegar.
Place chicken in baking pan coated with nonstick cooking
spray. Add water to pan to a depth of 1/4-1/2 inch. Brush
chicken with preserve mixture. Combine the remaining preserves,
marmalade, vinegar, onion, and garlic and spoon around the chicken.
Roast, covered, for 25 minutes. Uncover and roast
for 10 more minutes, until onion is tender.

Serves 4
Nutritional Information Per Serving (1/4 of chicken):
Calories: 278, Fat: 9 g, Cholesterol: 100 mg, Sodium: 110 mg,
Carbohydrate: 15 g, Dietary Fiber: 1 g, Sugars: 10 g,
Protein: 34 g
Diabetic Exchanges: 1 Carbohydrate, 4 Lean Meat

Low / No Fat:

 Banana Split Cheesecake From Light & Tasty

1 can (8 ounces) unsweetened crushed pineapple, divided
2 medium firm bananas, sliced
1 reduced-fat graham cracker crust (8 inches)
1 package (8 ounces) fat-free cream cheese
1-1/2 cups pineapple sherbet, softened
1 package (1 ounce) sugar-free instant vanilla pudding mix
1 carton (8 ounces) frozen reduced-fat Cool Whip® whipped
    topping, thawed, divided
4 maraschino cherries, divided
1 tablespoon chocolate syrup
1 tablespoon caramel ice cream topping
1 tablespoon chopped pecans \

Drain pineapple, reserving juice. In a small bowl, combine
bananas and 2 tablespoons reserved juice; let stand for 5
minutes. Drain bananas, discarding juice. Arrange bananas
over bottom of crust; set aside. In a large mixing bowl, beat
cream cheese and 2 tablespoons reserved pineapple juice.
Gradually beat in sherbet. Gradually beat in pudding mix;
beat 2 minutes longer. Refrigerate 1/3 cup pineapple until
serving; fold remaining pineapple into cream cheese mixture.
Fold in 2 cups whipped topping; spread evenly over banana
slices. Cover and freeze until firm. Remove from the freezer
10-15 minutes before serving. Chop three maraschino
cherries and pat dry; arrange cherries and reserved pineapple
around edge of pie. Drizzle with chocolate syrup and caramel
topping. Dollop remaining whipped topping onto center of pie.
Sprinkle with pecans; top with remaining cherry.

Yield: 10 servings.
Nutrition Facts One serving: 1 piece Calories: 247 Fat: 6 g
Saturated Fat: 4 g Cholesterol: 3 mg Sodium: 336 mg
Carbohydrate: 41 g Fiber: 1 g Protein: 5 g  

Last Call Y'ALL
A husband and wife are doing their grocery shopping.

The man picks up a case of beer and sticks in into the shopping
cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10.00 for 24 cans," he says.

"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry
on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20.00 jar of face cream
and sticks it into the cart.

"Whoa, what do you think you're doing?" asks the man.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.

The man replies, "So does the beer, and it's HALF THE PRICE!"
See Y'all later

HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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