I always know God won't give me more than I can handle,
but there are times I wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people
I never liked ,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Gene Watson - 14 Carat Mind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A4fvx61jpo&feature=related
Today's country music video for: 
 

Monday June 23,2008


Thought For Today:
Computers let you make more mistakes faster than any other invention
in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and
tequila.
 

OMAHA - An Omaha, Neb., woman said her 11-year-old daughter's
chronic hiccups stopped abruptly after 65 days. Dawn Swanger
said doctors told her there was nothing physically wrong with
her daughter, Ericka, and the family tried all manner of home
remedies for the condition, including drinking water through a
towel while upside-down and using a drinking device called a
"Hic-cup," KETV, Omaha, Neb., reported Thursday. "It started
April 1," Ericka said. "We were in English class at school,
and it was no big deal. Then, a couple weeks later, we started
getting worried. They hurt, but not that much anymore. I got used
to the pain." Dawn Swanger said her daughter's hiccups stopped
mysteriously on the day she was to have visited hypnotist Jeanette
Laitner, who hypothesized the condition was being caused by the
girl's subconscious. "It might have started out physically,
but it ends up being subconscious," Laitner said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The Mars Lander has found traces of ice and salt on Mars. Now,
it's looking for tequila." -David Letterman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yesterday a top Starbucks executive resigned. He will receive a
$120 million severance package or three lattes." -Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Romanian city re-elected a dead man as their mayor because they
preferred him to his living opponent.

The mayor had run the city since 1990, but died from liver disease
just days before voting began. But he still won the election by
23 votes.

"I know he died but I don't want change," one resident claimed.

The Central Election Bureau said, "The law does not foresee such
a situation. The city officials will have to research this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was at a circus festival and noticed a guy in a wheelchair and
really bad clown makeup creating intricate balloon animals. He
was in the middle of twisting something together when a little
girl asked, "What are you making?" He sighed, and said, "Minimum
wage." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charlton Heston walks into a bar with a gun and tells the bartender;
"I'll have a beer, and a Scotch for my Uzi." The bartender
recognizes him, sees the gun and quickly complies. Heston drinks the
beer then leaves, not touching the Scotch. Next day the same thing
happens. He drinks the beer and leaves the Scotch untouched. Third
day he comes in and says; "I'll have a beer, and a Scotch for
my Uzi." The bartender can't stand it anymore and says; "Please
don't be mad, but why do you come in every day, drink your beer
but leave the Scotch untouched?" "I'm teaching the gun control."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Automatic e-mail replies: I will be unable to delete all the
e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient,
and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 1947 Milton Berle was one of the biggest names in comedy. But
as his career rose, his marriage failed, leading to a divorce from
his wife Joyce Mathews.

Two years later, Berle and Mathews got married for the second
time. Why marry the same woman all over again?

"Because" Berle explained to reporters, "she reminds me of my
first wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hillary Clinton posted a slideshow of campaign photos on her Web
site, but none of the pictures showed Bill Clinton. Bill said,
'That's OK. None of the Web sites I go to have pictures of
Hillary.'" -Conan O'Brien
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's sad when you're at a baseball game and realize that you'll
never have the money, status or talent that the guys on the field
take for granted. And it gets even worse when the grounds crew
gives way to the players.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love being a student at the Pet Food Institute. When you tell
them your dog ate your homework, not only do they believe you,
you get an A!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dining out one evening, I noticed six teenagers boisterously
celebrating some event at a nearby table. Toward their end of
their meal, one of them got up and produced a camera.

"Hey, wait a minute," one of her companions said. "You have to be
in the picture too."

When I approached and asked if I could help, the girl who owned the
camera was delighted. I snapped a picture of the group and then,
being unfamiliar with the camera, I asked her, "Do you want me to
take another in case that one doesn't come out?"

"Oh, no, that's okay," she chirped innocently. "I always get
double prints."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered
to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they
finally reached their destination.

The mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you!"

"Anytime," her daughter replied.

As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to
you. I was talking to God."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Soap Operas
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/026.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/026.htm"> Here </a>

Heavens New Security Measures
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/027.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200409/027.htm"> Here </a>

Spacewalker
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny114.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny114.html">Here!</a>

Bad Command
http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060714
<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060714"> Here</a>

A Pencil
http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060715
<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060715"> Here</a>

Which Way?
http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060716
<a href="http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060716"> Here</a>

You mean this isn't the boat ramp????
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1172.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1172.html">Here!</a>

The scale at the doctor's office has a chart showing the desired
weight per height. Thanks to the chart, I now know my problem.
I'm not overweight; I'm too short.

Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/ 

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism. 
 http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214

About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
 Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim

"For those who may not know this: When the preacher says, 'You may
now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking to the groom."

****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
Thanks Bill

Why are portholes (windows) on a ship round?
The constant up and down motion of a ship places a lot
of strain and stress on a ship's outer covering, or skin.
If portholes were designed at angles, the stress would
tend to concentrate at those points and perhaps crack the
skin (probably not a good thing).  With portholes being
round, this stress is evenly distributed around the holes,
making it less likely for these cracks to occur.



****A Parting Thought ****
Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows.
Therefore, he'd visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The cows
laughed and laughed, and they gave excellent milk. However, the news
got around and no one else was much amused. Thus, his cows became
the laughing stock of the community.

Last Call Y'ALL
If ya missed the opry,you really missed a good'en
Janie Frickie was fantastic and she has a new album
out.
See Ya


HEY, DON'T BE A STRANGER NOW,YA HEAR!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
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