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25438-subscribe@zinester.com SATURDAY APRIL 2, 2005  THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
"If you think dog's can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them." City Boy: Say, Dad, how many kinds of milk are there? Father: Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted milk, and -- but why do you wish to know? City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many *spigots* to put on her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Every day (and night) I get tons of phone calls from telemarketers trying to sell me something. I hate these calls, but I always try to be polite when I say No Thank You. One night, I had a very persistent telemarketer, and no matter how many times and ways I said No thank you, not interested, he would not let up. I finally said, "Listen, I am not financially in a position to buy anything right now. I am broke and on the verge of bankruptcy." Without missing a beat, the telemarketer said to me, "I understand what you mean. Why do you think I have this job right now?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Top 10 Reasons I Love Horses" 10.Wanted to be Roy Rogers. 9. Get to wear cowboy boots. 8. Don't shed in the house. 7. Free fertilizer for the garden. 6. Get to sit up high. 5. Cool hats. 4. Park anywhere. 3. Brag about saddle sores. 2. A suger cube and a carrot make them happy. 1. Don't have to change the oil. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress," I thought you wanted more coffee." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector asked, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?" Billy Bob replied, "I would switch the points for one of the trains." "What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector. "Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Billy Bob, "and I'd use the manual lever over there." "What if that had been struck by lightning?" "Then," Billy Bob continued, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box." "What if the phone was busy?" "Well in that case," persevered Billy Bob, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there." "What if that was vandalized?" "Oh, well then I'd run into town and go get my Uncle Lester." This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?" Billy Bob answered, "Well, Uncle Lester ain't never seen a train wreck!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After his attorney's motion to suppress evidence was denied by the court John spoke up, "Your Honor," he said, "What would you do if I called you a stupid, degenerate, old fool!" The Judge really angered, revered, "I would hold you in contempt of Court and see to have you put in jail for the longest time allowed by law!" Quickly thinking, John's shocked attorney, asked, "What if he only 'thought' it, Your Honor?" "In that case, there is nothing I could do, he has the right to think whatever he wishes." replied the Judge. "Oh I see," said john, "then, if it pleases the court, let the record reflect that I 'think' you're a stupid, degenerate, old fool!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Daffynitions Not Found in Webster's. . . . Secret: what we tell everyone not to tell anyone. Hospital: where you might wind up if you get run down. Nudist: a person who is never clothes-minded. Twins: womb-mates. Tension: what the sergeant shouts to the troops. Bargain Basement: a place where what you seize is what you get. Zinc: what you do if you can't zwim. Paralyze: a couple of fibs. Bacteria: rear entrance to a cafeteria. Seamstress: a real material girl. Diploma: the person you call when your toilet backs up. Operetta: an employee of the phone company. Calculator: a product you can count on. Microwave: a head full of tiny curls. Jail cell: a bar room. Golf cart: a vehicle with a fore cylinder engine. Minister: a man who is the soul support of his family. Cashew: the noise a nut makes when it sneezes. Stupendous: advanced stupidity. Hurricane: what Abel said to his brother when he was late for school.. You can join The Funnies To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com or subscribe-956611849@ezinedirector.net **** ON THIS DAY **** Y'ALL HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND ****
TODAY'S SPECIAL ****
Old Bay?® Catfish Fry Old Bay?® Catfish Fry Provided by: McCormick?® & Company "Spice up your next fish fry with OLD BAY?® Seasoning." Original recipe yield: 4 servings. INGREDIENTS: . 1/3 cup cornmeal . 1 tablespoon Old Bay?® Seasoning . 1 teaspoon McCormick?® Parsley Flakes . 1/4 teaspoon McCormick?® Garlic Salt . 4 (4 ounce) fillets catfish fillets . 1 egg, beaten . 3 tablespoons vegetable oil DIRECTIONS: 1. Place cornmeal on large piece of wax paper. Add OLD BAY?® seasoning, parsley and garlic salt. Stir with fork until well combined. 2. Dip fish fillets, 1 at a time, in beaten egg. Allow excess egg to drip off. Coat with cornmeal mixture. 3. Heat oil in large skillet. Panfry fillets 5 to 6 minutes on each side, or until fish flakes easily with fork. from **** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
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