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From
Carlisle,Indiana Welcome
to
The Almost Daily
Funnies SATURDAY
APRIL 16,2005

THOUGHT FOR TODAY "Good things come
to those who wait, but only the things left over by those who
hustle."- Abraham Lincoln
Two
desert travelers rented a Camel from Hertz Rent-a-Camel. Out in the middle of
the desert the camel stopped and laid down. The chaps could not get it
to arise no matter what they
tried. They stopped a passing
Caravan and asked the leader to send out a camel mechanic when they got to
the nearest village. A few hours
later the Mechanic arrived. He looked in the Camel's mouth, ears, and
up its rectum. He went to his tool bag and pulled out a large rubber
headed sledge hammer. He raised this high in the air and brought it
down on the Camel's belly, as hard as he
could. Well, that camel let a fart
you could hear and smell as far away as 17 sand dunes. It then
struggled to its feet. "Ah ha!" the Mechanic said.
"Just as I thought! vapor locked!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Over the
weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National Dog Show event as I
flipped through the channels.
The dog on the screen at the time was a
white English sheepdog. It was simply a mound of fur with four legs. The
judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could look at the animal's
eyes.
The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its
eyes checked to make sure they're t he right shape, color, etc.,
etc.
Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to
see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through hair
and you only see ONE eye . . . you're looking at the wrong end of the
dog." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A blonde named Gail is appearing on "Who Wants To
Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin.
Regis: "Gail, you're up to
$500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it
right, the next question is
worth one million dollars. If you get it
wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"
Gail:
"Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own
nest? Is It: A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D)
thrush."
Gail: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call
Anne." Anne (also a blonde) answers the phone:
"Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Anne, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to
be a Millionaire. I have your friend Gail here who needs your help to
answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will
be Gail..."
Gail: "Anne, which of the following birds does not
build it's own nest? Is it: A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D)
thrush."
Anne: "Good grief, Gail, that's simple. It's a
cuckoo."
Gail: "Are you sure?"
Anne: "I'm
sure."
Regis: "Gail, you heard Anne. Do you keep the $500,000
or play for the million?"
Gail: "I want to play; I'll go with C)
cuckoo."
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Gail:
"Yes."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Gail: "Yes; I think
Anne's pretty smart."
Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're
right! Congratulations, you have just won one million
dollars!"
To celebrate, Gail flies Anne to New York. That night
they go out on the town. As they're sipping champagne, Gail looks at
Anne and asks her, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that
does not build its own nest?"
Anne answers, "That's easy, everybody
knows they live in clocks." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After
a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing
the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like
to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge
angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in
the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he
demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial
started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence
against me." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My husband had run to the store
with our daughters, Sarah (four) and Hannah (two) and on the way home
he drove through a neighborhood looking for houses for
sale. After a bit Sarah asked, "Daddy, what are
we doing?" My husband said he was
looking at the houses that were for
sale. Sarah asked "Are you
gonna buy a new house?" Dad replied
"Maybe." Then Sarah said with much concern,
"But Dad, how will we get
it HOME?!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For a
short time one day, my son, Paul, was left alone to manage his own and the
adjoining departments at the store. It was very busy, and several customers
needed help. Paul resorted to telling each person that he'd be with him as soon
as possible and in what order that would be. He returned to help the first
customer, leaving four others to await their turn, when suddenly the phone rang.
He tried to ignore it, but eventually excused himself and answered
it.
The woman at the other end wanted information about vacuum cleaners.
When she asked about differences in specific model numbers, he became
suspicious. He looked over and saw customer No. 3 talking to him on her cellular
phone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oops At Andersen
Air Force Base, Guam, a man in civilian clothes approached an airman and
requested a vehicle pass.
The young airman, fresh out of technical
training, asked to see his military ID, driver's license and his vehicle
registration.
Noticing the letters BG on the man's identification, the
new airman asked, "What's BG stand for -- Big Guy?"
"No," the man
replied, leaning over the counter... "Try Brigadier
General." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Navy Way A
friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after he had completed boot camp, he was
invited to be in a friend's wedding. He asked an officer for a pass and was told
he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.
"You don't understand, sir," my
friend said. "I'm in the wedding."
The officer replied, "No, YOU don't
understand. You're in the Navy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One of baseball's
greatest pitchers, Rube Waddell, was one of the game's heaviest drinkers. During
a booze bout, Waddell announced that he could fly. When teammates hooted him
down, Rube yanked open a hotel window and jumped out.
He survived the
fall. When he sobered up, Waddell yelled at his roommate Ossie Schreck for not
stopping him from pulling such a foolish stunt. "Stop you," Schreck countered.
"Hell, I bet a hundred bucks you could do
it." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One day my friend Danielle called to
ask if my husband, an auto mechanic, would take a look at her car. She had
recently had an exhaust system installed and now complained of a terrible rattle
coming from the rear of the car. Stan took the car out for a drive around the
block, pulled back into the driveway and got out. Then he opened the trunk and
removed Danielle's golf clubs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A retirement
village decided to hold a Singles Dance, at which this very sweet
90-year-old gentleman met a very sweet 90-year-old lady, and they danced and
talked and laughed, and just hit it off great. They continued to see each
other for a while and enjoyed each other so much, and danced so well
together, etc., that they decided to get married.
On their wedding
night, they went to bed and he reached over and took her hand and squeezed
it, and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.
On the
second night, when they went to bed, he reached over and squeezed her hand,
and she squeezed his hand back, and they went to sleep.
On the third
night, he reached over and took her hand, and she said, "Not tonight, honey,
I have a headache." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I stopped at a Korean
owned doughnut shop one morning to get doughnuts for my employees. There were 7
of us so I asked for 13 doughnuts. The woman behind the counter said she
couldn't sell me 13 because she could only fit 12 into a box of
doughnuts...
I said, "that's ok...but I still want 13...put one of the
doughnuts into a bag..."
To cut about a 15-minute argument short...I
walked out with a box of 12 doughnuts...and a bagel...in a
bag. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman went on a tour of the White House. As
the guide led her down one of the historic halls, a door burst open and a
large aquatic sea mammal, balancing a beach ball on its nose,
scurried past. "My, what was that?" exclaimed the woman.
"Oh, that's
just the Presidential Seal," replied the guide. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I
manage apartments and mobile homes. First time this happened, I couldn't believe
it, but it's happened a good 6 or 7 times, so... there are idiots all over the
place.
One day, an obviously intelligent man who put down on his
application that he made $125,000 a year, looked at me and said that he would
not put his checking account number on my application, because it was nobody's
business.
I said okay.
He then wrote me a check for the screening
fee. When he walked out, I promptly put his checking account number down on the
application before I sent it through the FAX to the screening company... true
story. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Slow joke day When you write copy, you have the
right to copyright the copy you write, if the copy is right.
If however,
your copy falls over, you must right your copy.
If you write religious
services you write rite, and have the right to copyright the rite you
write.
Very conservative people write right copy, and have the right to
copyright the right copy they write.
A right wing cleric would write
right rite, and has the right to copyright the right rite he has the right to
write.
His editor has the job of making the right rite copy right before
the copyright can be right.
Should Thom Wright decide to write right
rite, then Wright would write right rite, which Wright has the right to
copyright. Duplicating that rite would copy Wright's right rite, and violate
copyright, which Wright would have the right to right.
Right? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Have you ever noticed that retired
couples have reached a level of maturity where they never have any of those
piddling little quarrels that other people do?
They have one big argument
that starts at seven in the morning and goes right through till
bedtime. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Retirement is also when the husband comes up with
all kinds of theories on how to do the cooking, housework, and shopping
better.
The wife also comes up with a theory - that all pills do NOT come
in bottles. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here's a handy hint...if you ever run
out of toothpaste (like I did today) you can brush your teeth with baking soda
and a little hydrogen peroxide.
The only caution I would make is don't
use the baking soda that's been sitting in your refrigerator for six months
soaking up food odors.
I still can't get that taste out of my
mouth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's all in the
punctuation:
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman
without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to
punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is
nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is
nothing." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THESE ARE
ACTUAL NEWSPAPER ADS
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old.
Hateful little dog. Bites ~ FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2
sneaky neighbor's dog. ~ FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part
stupid dog ~ FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks
German. ~ FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat .. been out a
while.. better be a reward. ~ COWS: NEVER BRED.. Also 1 gay bull for
sale. ~ NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby ~ GEORGIA
PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb ~ JOINING NUDIST
COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300 ~ WEDDING DRESS FOR
SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephi ~ FOR SALE BY
OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent
condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last
month, Wife knows everything. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was this man
who was about to go on a trip to England. The day before he left, he asked
his next-door neighbor, Mrs. Dunne, if she wanted anything from England.
"Yes", she said. "could you please find my son Neely. He's been gone 10 years
and has not written or phoned me, ever! I write to him but he never replies.
I try to phone him but he never seems to be in. Anyway, here's his address."
On the back of a handy envelope she
scribbled:
Neely
Dunne
WC1
London, England.
The next day, the man embarked on his journey. The
plane landed at Heathrow. He got off the plane and was walking down the
corridor when he saw a sign saying 'WC'. He entered the room, and saw that
it was a washroom. He proceeded to the first toilet stall, knocked on the
door and said: "Are you Neely Dunne?" "Yes, but I ran out of
paper", came the reply. "Well, that's no excuse not to write your
mother!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Groaner Many people are unaware that Frank Sinatra
was an ecologist.
He found out that the herds of animals in Africa were
being forced off their native lands into game reserves where they were more
apt to be eaten by their natural enemies due to the crowded
conditions.
These animals would congregate around lakes and other bodies
of water, but had nowhere to run if they were attacked by their foes.
This resulted in abnormal losses in the herds.
Frank, upon finding out
about this, donated a lot of money trying to find out where there may be
some open land to put the animals so they wouldn't be so crowded. Frank's
idea was to go to the watering holes and load the animals on large barges and
take them to other lands and then set them free.
In order to
accomplish this, he had to finance his work through a best-selling song about
it. We've all heard the song before. It starts out . . . "Start spreading the
Gnus..."
The title of the song was, of course, . . "New Ark, New
Ark." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An elderly couple was crossing
the Canadian border to go to their winter recluse in Florida. At the
crossing they were stopped by an over-zealous border guard, on his first day
at work. He commenced to ask the couple a battery of questions and
check for passports.
The husband, on behalf of his almost deaf wife,
answered the barrage of queries.
Officer: "Where are you
going?"
Husband: "We're on vacation and going to Florida."
Wife:
"What did he say? What did he say?"
Husband: "He wants to know
where we're going."
Officer: "How long will you be gone?"
Husband:
"About one month."
Wife: "What did he say? What did he
say?"
Husband: "He wants to know how long we'll be gone."
Officer:
"Where are you from?"
Husband: "We're from Toronto,
Ontario."
Officer: "Toronto, huh. I was there once. Nice
city. Had the worst date experience in my life."
Wife: "What did he
say? What did he say?"
Husband: "He says he knows
you!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Warning...
This
new scam is being pulled mainly on older men. What happens is when you stop
for a red light a young, pretty, topless woman comes up and pretends to
be washing your windshield.
While she is doing this, another person opens
your back door and steals anything in the car.
They are very good at
this!
They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday.
I wasn't
able to find them on Sunday...
**** QUICKIES **** My friend admitted
she was forty but she didn't say when. ~ In one night, my neighbor's wife
lost 8 pounds--someone swiped her bowling ball. ~ It doesn't seem two
weeks ago that Michael Jackson swore on the Pope's life that he was
innocent... ~ Two skeletons used by the professor of anatomy found
themselves stowed away in a closet, and after several weeks of boredom, one
asked the other, "What are we doing shut up in here anyway?" "Got me" admitted
his companion, "But if we had any guts we'd get out of here." ~ When Jack
Benny was invited to perform at the White House, he showed up at the gate with
his violin case under his arm. A burly guard blocked his way. Somewhat tensely,
the guard asked what was in the case.
'A machine gun,' Benny
said.
The guard relaxed. 'Oh, that's fine, Mr. Benny,' he said. 'Go right
in. For a moment there I was afraid it was your violin.'
**** HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID
**** SAULT STE. MARIE -- Sault Police have seemingly closed the
books on a Sunday morning mishap at the intersection of Maple and Ashmun
which left a 27-year-old Dafter man hospitalized.
According to witness
accounts compiled during the police investigation, D. W. Trumbley was
"playing around" when he crawled out into the intersection and laid down. A
vehicle had initially been stopped for a red light at that same intersection
at approximately 3 a.m. and the driver failed to see the prone Trumbley until
it was too late, running directly over the man.
Police noted Trumbley
had a bloody nose and injured hand before he was whisked away by Sault
Ambulance to War Memorial Hospital.
Investigating at the scene, police
and a preliminary breath test confirmed the driver of the vehicle had not
been drinking. There were no arrests made in this matter and no citations are
apparently forthcoming. Yep, you guessed it HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID ~ In Lynchburg, VA, a man sticks a fork in a toaster when suddenly a
bolt of energy shoots up his arm, knocking him
unconscious. HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID- STUPID- STUPID Everyone knows when
it's plugged in , you use plastic {:-) You can join The
Funnies To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com
**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.
D.V.M. ****
 The famous Olympic skier Picabo
Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete.... she is now a
nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan
hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It
caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, Picabo,
ICU. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Cut Rate pharmacist filled the
prescription and handed the nearly-deaf old man the bottle of pills saying,
"That'll be $16.50."
Just then the drug store phone rang and the
pharmacist answered.
As he did, the old man placed 50 cents on the
counter and walked out of the store with his prescription.
The clerk
realized the mistake and shouted but the old man did not hear and kept
walking.
When the pharmacist finished his call the clerk explained
what had happened.
The pharmacist scooped up the 50 cents and put it
in the cash register saying to the clerk, "Oh well, 30 cents profit is
better than nothing." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Found on a
health insurance claim: What is the nature of the claim: Pregnancy
Is the claim related to your employment? Yes What is your job? Homemaker
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "HOW DID IT HAPPEN?," The
doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."
"Never mind the past. Tell me how
you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying...25 years ago,
when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone
to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if
there was anything I wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine." "Are
you sure?" she asked. "I'm sure," I said. "Isn't there anything I can do
for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse
me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what
she meant, I fell off the roof!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rerun A fellow nurse at my hospital
received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had
too much sugar today," she said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Patient: "This hospital is no good. They
treat us like dogs."
Orderly: "Mr. Jones, you know that's not true. Now,
roll over." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ****
Cool Links **** Mike's Oldies http://www.mikesoldies.com/
A Look at
the Past http://www.ohiobarns.com/index.html
At MatchingDonors http://www.matchingdonors.com/life/index.cfm
KidsHealth - the Web's most visited site about children's
health http://www.kidshealth.org/
Ask an Expert at Practical Pet Care http://www.practical-pet-care.com/expert_main.php
****
ON THIS DAY ****
 Great road trip
weather
**** TODAY'S SPECIAL
****
CROCKPOT APPLE AND BROWN SUGAR CORNED
BEEF
1 corned beef brisket 1 quart apple juice 1 cup
brown sugar 1 Tbsp prepared mustard 8 small red potatoes 2 medium
carrots, pared and cut into chunks 1 onion, peeled and cut into eights
1/2 head cabbage, cut into chunks Place all ingredients in large crock
pot (cut meat in half if necessary). Stir to mix. Cook on high for 4 to 5
hours on high or 8 to 10 hours on low. Remove meat and vegetables and some of
the cooking liquid. Slice meat thinly across the grain. Serve with the
vegetables and some of the liquid. Use left over corn beef the next
day.....layer in crock pot with sauerkraut and swiss cheese. Warm and serve
on rye bread with 1000 Island dressing!
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
Who is D.B. Cooper, and what did he
do?
On the evening of November 24, 1971, a
smartly dressed middle-aged man jumped out of a Northwest Orient Airlines jet
flying over Washington state with $200,000 in cash.
D.B. Cooper boarded a
flight out of Portland, Oregon, and shortly after takeoff, handed a flight
attendant a polite bomb-threat note requesting the money and four parachutes.
The plane landed at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, where Cooper's
demands were met and the other passengers were evacuated. The plane took off
again, bound for Mexico, and Cooper parachuted out along the way. He was never
found, and the case remains the world's only unsolved skyjacking.
The
name "D.B. Cooper" is actually a misidentification. The gentleman who stepped
off the airplane at 10,000 feet bought a ticket under the name "Dan Cooper." He
was mistakenly referred to as "D.B. Cooper" by an officer at a press conference,
and the name stuck.
Cooper leapt out of the Boeing 727 (the only
commercial airplane with a staircase in the rear) directly into American
folklore. He inspired songs, books, and a 1981 film starring Robert Duvall. A
massive manhunt in the woods north of Portland came up empty, although five
years later a boy discovered a bag containing roughly $6,000 of Cooper's money
along the banks of the Columbia River. The Mount Saint Helens eruption in 1980
covered most of Cooper's potential landing zone in ash.
Whatever happened
to Cooper? He would have been exceedingly lucky to survive the jump -- the plane
was traveling at 200 miles per hour in freezing rain. He would have landed in
the wilderness at night, at the onset of winter, with no survival gear. But the
article from U.S. News suggests that he may have wound up as an antique salesman
in Florida. The case remains open.
****
WABASH VALLEY WEATHER **** Weather Factoid: More
great weather! The weekend looks great with dry weather and highs in the mid
70`s. There will be a few more clouds on Sunday. The start of next week
still looks nice with dry weather, partly sunny skies and highs in the low
to mid 70`s. A slow moving front will edge in later next week with a chance
of wet weather by the end of the week.
-- Jesse Walker
Weather
Factoid: The pollen numbers will be in the HIGH category this weekend!
Friday Night Clear and Cool Low 42
Saturday Mostly
Sunny High 75
Saturday Night Partly Cloudy Low 48
Sunday Partly Sunny High 75 Low 48
Monday Partly
Sunny High 76 Low 52
Tuesday Partly Sunny High 74 Low 52
Wednesday Partly Sunny High 72 Low 55
Thursday
Showers / T-Storms High 72 Low 55
Friday Showers /
T-Storms High 70 Low 53
****A
PARTING THOUGHT **** Actually we wouldn't mind Uncle Sam's
tax bite if he didn't come back for
dessert.
TOON TIME
Missing Eggs http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32030.htm <a
href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32030.htm
"> Here!</a>
Overeasy http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32029.htm <a
href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32029.htm
"> Here!</a>
Off The Mark http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32028.htm <a
href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32028.htm
"> Here!</a>
He needs as additude
adjustment http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny541.html <a
href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny541.html">Here</a>
Blonde
Christmas Present http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/022.htm <a
href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/022.htm"> Here
</a>
Duh http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32027.htm <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32027.htm "> Here!</a>
Value
Doubled http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32025.htm <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32025.htm "> Here!</a>
Robin Of
Spring http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32026.htm <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/32026.htm "> Here!</a>
You could get hooked on
this http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny542.html <a href="http://www.aikenslaughs.com/forfun/funny542.html">Here</a>
Beware Of Dog http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/020.htm <a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/020.htm"> Here </a>
LAST CALL Y'ALL
The primary
school teacher was preparing the class for their annual concert.
Some children were to sing songs, others recite poetry and some to play
musical instruments.
Little Alfie had just come down from the country
and the teacher asked him if he would like to do some farmyard
impressions. Alfie thought this was a great idea.
On the
night of the concert, Alfie nervously walked onto the stage.
"Farmyard
noises", he announced. Then, cupping his hands to his mouth, he yelled at
the top of his voice, "Get off that @#$% tractor, Shut the @#$% gate. Get
that @#$% calf outa the yard. Get off the @#$% combine! ..."

Have a great weekend
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