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V  The Almost Daily Funnies "Friends are God's way of taking care of
us."
These are clean jokes. However, They are PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG Welcome
New Subscribers FRIDAY
JUNE 10,2005 The Supreme Court has ruled
that medical marijuana is ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BLONDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TREAT YOUR SPOUSE WITH
CONSIDERATION **** Quickies ****Prince Charles is the only person who had a wife that looked like a mistress and a mistress that looks like a wife! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband and me for a visit. After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said, "We're getting closer." "How do you know?" I asked. He pointed to a sign that read, "Sonny's Bar-B-Q--TANK Parking Available." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ According to experts at the National Institute of Mental Health, depressed people die much sooner than everyone else. Well, that's just what depressed people need to hear! That should cheer them up! - Jay Leno ~~~~~~~~~ Hugh Hefner now has seven girlfriends. One for each day of the week. Someone needs to tell him that those are nurses. ~~~~~~~~~~ Casino: Where we'll lose a hundred dollars in a slot machine and shrug our shoulders, then lose one dollar in a Coke machine and swear our head off. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Last week, I went on holiday to visit my aunt on her farm. On the first day, one of her chickens died so we had chicken for dinner. On the second day, one of her pigs died so we had pork for dinner. On the third day, her hired hand died so I left before dinner. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ George Washington never told a lie, proving that he neither liked to golf or fish.  **** WEIRD HAPPENINS **** A 22 year-old Florida stoner/busboy managed to get his hands on the cell phone of none other than Jimmy Buffett. Jason Martin found the phone this past weekend at the club he worked for. As he and his pals sat toking on some weed, they perused Jimmy??™s phone list, which included some famous folk like Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, George Clooney, Harrison Ford, etc. Martin swears he didn??™t call anyone on the list, but says a friend may have prank-called Bill Clinton. It took much coaxing from the Buffett camp to get the phone back, and it finally took a visit from the Secret Service to retrieve the phone, but alas, the memory chip containing a few of those super-secret phone numbers is missing. Buffett says there wasn??™t much on the chip, and he??™s just relieved to have his phone back. Buffett also said he had the keypad locked and passworded, so he wasn??™t worried about anyone accessing it. "Not true," Martin said. "I wonder if Jimmy really knows how these things work." I smell a second chapter coming??¦ - Jose Lambiet, Palm Beach Post http://www.palmbeachpost.com/celebrities/content/entertainment/celebrities/lambiet/0608jose.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gregory Despres is the newsmaker of the day. Back in April, Depres showed up at the US-Canadian border at Calais, Maine wielding a blood-stained chain saw, homemade sword, an axe, a knife, and a set of brass knuckles. After performing criminal checks and finding nothing, border officials confiscated the weaponry, fingerprinted Despres, and let the naturalized US citizen back into the US. Trouble is, Despres is the suspect in a grisly double murder in Canada. He has since been arrested, but it raises the question as to why he was let back in. While the story itself is not exactly Cheezy Newz, the pi 50921/83053_chainsaw_lunatic.jpg chainsaw_lunatic.jpg">http://www.whocutthecheez.com/chainsaw_lunatic.jpg ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An Australian woman was found to be carrying 51 live tropical fish after custom officials were alerted by "flipping" noises coming from beneath her skirt as she arrived at Melbourne airport Tuesday. On closer inspection, officers discovered the wo- man had strapped on an apron of plastic water filled bags containing the fish. She could face charges for breaking quarantine and customs laws for bringing in the fish without giving a declaration. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A German man who was mugged in a night club was mugged again two more times while waiting for the police. Reiner Hamer, 27, from Oberhausen, lost his wallet containing $250.00 and his mobile phone when three men attacked him in the toilet of his local night club. He called police from outside the club using a friend's mobile, but while he waited for them to arrive he was approached by three other men, who stole his watch and cigarettes. As he leaned back against the wall to recover, another five men approached him and again threatened him, stealing his jacket and the last of the small change. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& **** Visiting Doc Taz M.D. D.V.M.
**** DID YA KNOW
The muscle that lets your eye blink is the fastest muscle in your body. It allows you to blink 5 times a second. On average, you blink 15 000 times a day. Women blink twice as much as men. A typical athlete's heart churns out 25 to 30 litres (up to 8 gallons) of blood per minute. We have four basic tastes. The salt and sweet taste buds are at the tip of the tongue, bitter at the base, and sour along the sides. Unless food is mixed with saliva you cannot taste it. The liver is the largest of the body's internal organs. The skin is the body's largest organ. Not all our taste buds are on our tongue; about 10% are on the palette and the cheeks. On average a hiccup lasts 5 minutes. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails. It takes about 3 months for the transplanted hair to start growing again. About 13% of people are left-handed. Up from 11% in the past. In 1900, a person could expect to live to be 47. Today, the average life expectancy for men and women in developed countries is 70. A newborn baby's head accounts for one-quarter of its weight. King Henry I, who ruled in the England in the 12th century, standardized the yard as the distance from the thumb of his outstretched arm to his nose. The bones in your body are not white - they range in colour from beige to light brown. The bones you see in museums are white because they have been boiled and cleaned. Our eyes are always the same size from birth. Every person has a unique tongue print. If all your DNA is stretched out, it would reach to the moon 6,000 times. Approximately two-thirds of a person's body weight is water. Blood is 92% water. The brain is 75% water and muscles are 75% water. The coloured part of the eye is called the iris. Behind the iris is the soft, rubbery lens which focuses the light on to a layer, called the retina, in the back of the eye. The retina contains about 125 million rods and 7 million cones. The rods pick up shades of grey and help us see in dim light. The cones work best in bright light to pick up colours. We actually do not see with our eyes - we see with our brains. The eyes basically are the cameras of the brain. One-quarter of the brain is used to control the eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cholesterol-lowering drugs underprescribed STANFORD, Calif. -- A new study found U.S. doctors prescribe cholesterol-lowering drugs to only half of patients who could benefit from them. Physicians should be more aggres- sive in using the medications, which are known as statins, Stanford University researchers recommend in the May 31 issue of the Public Library of Science-Medicine. Patients are advised to request regular checks of their cholesterol levels. In the study, which was funded by Merck Co., a manu- facturer of two statin drugs, the researchers used two national databases that contained the medication-prescribing habits of hospitals and physicians. Fewer than half of patients with high cholesterol levels who were at high-to- moderate risk of heart disease had been prescribed statins during their visits in 2002. There are several statins on the market, including Lipitor, Pravachol and Zocor. The drugs lower cholesterol and can reduce the risk for suffer- ing a heart attack or developing heart disease. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Drug prices rise as competition falls WASHINGTON, -- U.S. drug prices have risen sharply with the departure of some competitors but drug makers deny any con- nection, USA Today reported. The report said wholesale prices for leading multiple sclerosis drugs Avonex and Copaxone jumped in May by 8 percent and 9.4 percent, respectively. In February, makers of the competing MS drug Tysabri halted sales after some users reported contracting a rare brain infection. Similarly, the newspaper, quoting Consumer Reports, said retail prices for painkiller Mobic rose up to 11 percent from September through early March. Last September, rival Vioxx was withdrawn from the market because of cardiovascular risks. Boehringer Ingelheim raised Mobic's wholesale prices in January, spokesman Mark Vincent said the increases were planned before Vioxx's withdrawal. "We raise prices as part of a scheduled price increase. It's not a reactionary thing," he said. The re- port said prices can go up even if drug makers don't raise them. In such cases, it is the wholesalers or pharmacists, says a spokesman for Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Minnesota. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ U.S. considers whooping cough booster BOSTON, -- Despite U.S. vaccination rates at all-time highs, pertussis, or whooping cough, has increasingly re-emerged especially among adolescents. As a result, federal health policymakers are considering a national one-time booster vaccination program for 11-year-old children. An analysis by Harvard Medical School researchers, published by Pedia- trics, concluded that one-time vaccination booster may be cost-effective. The analysis, led by Dr. Grace Lee, found the one-time adolescent vaccination "would result in signi- ficant net health benefits and may be reasonably cost- effective." The study found it would prevent 36 percent of projected pertussis cases at a cost of $20,000 per quality- adjusted life year saved or $1,100 per case prevented. The Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices, which advises the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, will consider the pertussis booster at its June 29-30 meeting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New vaccine reduces shingles risk WASHINGTON, -- A U.S. National Institutes of Health-led study says a new vaccine cut in half the risk of develop- ing shingles. Even where it did not prevent the painful skin disease, the vaccine reduced by two-thirds the chance that a shingles sufferer will be left with tormenting chronic pain, the Washington Post reported Thursday. About 1 million U.S. residents get shingles annually. The results are based on a $31 million, 13-year-long study that tested the vaccine on more than 38,000 people cared for through the Department of Veterans Affairs, the Post said. The findings are published in Thursday's New England Journal of Medicine. "Although we didn't reduce the incidence as much, we reduced the severity. We all know that you can put up with almost anything if it doesn't last too long," said the study's author Michael N. Oxman of the VA San Diego Healthcare System in California. The vaccine, if approved, may help its maker Merck & Co., recover from its current financial losses, the Post said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Stem-cell research advances WASHINGTON, -- There's growing support for a revolutionary theory that embryonic stem cells can be generated without creating or destroying new human embryos. In such a break- through, researchers would harvest stem cells and harness their great biomedical potential without destroying what some consider a budding human life, the Washington Post said. Research on an embryo-free embryonic cell is based on growing consensus among biologists that these cells are made, not born, and that embryos are not an essential ingredient. The research is still early and largely unpub- lished, and in some cases limited to animal cells, the Post said. Scientists want continued access to human embryos for the time being. Researchers are analyzing how nature makes stem cells, deep inside days-old embryos to learn how to make the cells themselves. "That would really get around all the moral and ethical concerns," said James F. Battey, chief of the stem cell task force at the National Institutes of Health. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CDC officials clarify obesity research ATLANTA, -- Officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta have tried to clarify conflicting studies on obesity and health consequences. "We can't get accurate estimates of the association because obesity is not listed on death records, so we have to use methods that rely on extrapolations. The studies that have been done have used different methods and different sources of infor- mation, and they've come to some different conclusions," said CDC Director Julie Gerberding. "But what we don't want is for this debate to continue to confuse people. We need to be absolutely explicitly clear about one thing: obesity and overweight are critically important health threats in this country." We can't get accurate estimates of the association because obesity is not listed on death records, so we have to use methods that rely on extrapolations, and the studies that have been done have used different methods and different sources of information, and they've come to some different conclusions, according to Gerberding. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Study focuses on warfarin dosing problems SEATTLE, -- A recently detailed study is shedding new light on an old question: why do people require widely differing doses of a commonly used blood-thinning drug. Researchers found gene variations determine whether people require low, moderate or high doses of warfarin, commonly known by its brand name Coumadin. The scientists found 90 percent of Asians carry low-dose versions of the genes, while African Americans are more likely to have high-dose versions, the Seattle Times reported. More than 2 million Americans take warfarin to prevent blood clots, heart attacks and strokes. But, in each case, multiple and expensive blood tests are usually required over weeks or even months to determine the best dosage. Too much of the drug might cause internal bleeding or other complications. Doses too low might result in stroke or heart attack. Researchers analyzed the genetic makeup of more than 500 patients taking warfarin in clinics at the University of Washington in Seattle and Washington University in St. Louis. The study is detailed in the June 2 edition of the New England Journal of Medicine. **** Cool Links **** Shawnee w/The Eleventh Hour http://my.homewithgod.com/justwhisper/TheEleventhHour.html Sandy w/Another Friend Today http://www.sandysworldonline.com/friend_today.html Campfire Songs http://www.scoutingresources.org.uk/song_index.html iNTERESTING TEST ...STUPID BUT FUNhttp://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/senseschallenge/senses.swf Yes Itook it, and 5 is not so bad **** ON THIS DAY **** First IM going to tell you a little about me and my family. My name is Jeff. I am a Police Officer for a city which is known nationwide for its crime rate. We have a lot of gangs and drugs. At one point we were # 2 in the nation in homicides per capita. I also have a police K-9 named Thor. He was certified in drugs and general duty. He retired at 3 years old because he was shot in the line of duty. He lives with us now and I still train with him because he likes it. I always liked the fact that there was no way to bring drugs into my house. Thor wouldn't allow it. He would tell on you. The reason I say this is so you understand that I know about drugs. I have taught in schools about drugs. My wife asks all our kids at least once a week if they used any drugs. Makes them promise they wont. I like building computers occasionally and started building a new one in February 2005. I also was working on some of my older computers. They were full of dust so on one of my trips to the computer store I bought a 3 pack of DUST OFF. Dust Off is a can of compressed air to blow dust off a computer. A few weeks later when I went to use them they were all used. I talked to my kids and my 2 sons both said they had used them on their computer and messing around with them. I yelled at them for wasting the 10 dollars I paid for them. On February 28 I went back to the computer store. They didn't have the 3 pack which I had bought on sale so I bought a single jumbo can of Dust Off. I went home and set it down beside my computer. On March 1st I left for work at 10 PM. At 11 PM my wife went down and kissed Kyle goodnight. At 530 am the next morning Kathy went downstairs to wake Kyle up for school, before she left for work. He was sitting up in bed with his legs crossed and his head leaning over. She called to him a few times to get up. He didn't move. He would sometimes tease her like this and pretend he fell back asleep. He was never easy to get up. She went in and shook his arm. He fell over. He was pale white and had the straw from the Dust Off can coming out of his mouth. He had the new can of Dust Off in his hands. Kyle was dead. I am a police officer and I had never heard of this. My wife is a nurse and she had never heard of this. We later found out from the coroner, after the autopsy, that only the propellant from the can of Dust off was in his system. No other drugs. Kyle had died between midnight and 1 Am. I found out that using Dust Off is being done mostly by kids ages 9 through 15. They even have a name for it. It's called dusting. A take off from the Dust Off name. It gives them a slight high for about 10 seconds. It makes them dizzy. A boy who lives down the street from us showed Kyle how to do this about a month before. Kyle showed his best friend. Told him it was cool and it couldn't hurt you. Its just compressed air. It cant hurt you. His best friend said no. Kyle's death Kyle was wrong. It's not just compressed air. It also contains a propellant. I think its R2. Its a refrigerant like what is used in your refrigerator. It is a heavy gas. Heavier than air. When you inhale it, it fills your lungs and keeps the good air, with oxygen, out. That's why you feel dizzy, buzzed. It decreases the oxygen to your brain, to your heart. Kyle was right. It cant hurt you. IT KILLS YOU. The horrible part about this is there is no warning. There is no level that kills you. It's not cumulative or an overdose; it can just go randomly, terribly wrong. Roll the dice and if your number comes up you die. ITS NOT AN OVERDOSE. Its Russian roulette. You don't die later. Or not feel good and say I've had too much. You usually die as your breathing it in. If not you die within 2 seconds of finishing "the hit." That's why the straw was still in Kyle's mouth when he died. Why his eye's were still open. The experts want to call this huffing. The kids don't believe its huffing. As adults we tend to lump many things together. But it doesn't fit here. And that's why its more accepted. There is no chemical reaction. no strong odor. It doesn't follow the huffing signals. Kyle complained a few days before he died of his tongue hurting. It probably did. The propellant causes frostbite. If I had only known. Its easy to say hay, its my life and I'll do what I want. But it isn't. Others are always effected. This has forever changed our family's life. I have a hole in my heart and soul that can never be fixed. The pain is so immense I cant describe it. There's nowhere to run from it. I cry all the time and I don't ever cry. I do what I'm supposed to do but I don't really care. My kids are messed up. One wont talk about it. The other will only sleep in our room at night. And my wife, I cant even describe how bad she is taking this. I thought we were safe because of Thor. I thought we were safe because we knew about drugs and talked to our kids about them. After Kyle died another story came out. A Probation Officer went to the school system next to ours to speak with a student. While there he found a student using Dust Off in the bathroom. This student told him about another student who also had some in his locker. This is a rather affluent school system. They will tell you they don't have a drug problem there. They don't even have a dare or plus program there. So rather than tell everyone about this "new" way of getting high they found, they hid it. The probation officer told the media after Kyle's death and they, the school, then admitted to it. I know that if they would have told the media and I had heard, it wouldn't have been in my house. We need to get this out of our homes and school computer labs. Using Dust Off isn't new and some "professionals" do know about. It just isn't talked about much, except by the kids. They know about it. April 2nd was 1 month since Kyle died. April 5th would have been his 15th birthday. And every weekday I catch myself sitting on the living room couch at 2:30 in the afternoon and waiting to see him get off the bus. I know Kyle is in heaven but I cant help but wonder If I died and went to Hell. Jeff **** HEADS UP FOLKS
**** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rusty Gill, Singing cowboy/actor born
1919. Jack Turner, "The Singing River Boy," born
1921. Bob Yellin, "The Greenbriar Boys," born NYC
1936. Gene Autry's "At Mail Call Today" topped the charts
1945. Thom Schuyler, singer/songwriter/music executive,
born Bethlehem, PA 1952. Hank Williams' single "Take These Chains From My
Heart" was #1 1953. Buddy Holly released "That'll Be The Day,"
1957. Faron
Young's "Hello Walls" was #1 1961. Ed Burleson, singer/guitarist, born in Texas 1969.
Waylon Jennings' "Luckenbach Texas" was #1
1977. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band celebrated its
20th anniversary at a Performance in Rocks, Colorado
1978. Merle Haggard topped the charts with "Natural High"
1985. Herman Crook, age 89, harmonica player for the Crook
Brothers, died 1988. Ricky Van Shelton joined the Grand Ole Opry
1988. Capitol released Skip Ewing's album "Naturally"
1991. Tennessee Ernie Ford released his album "Country
Gospel Classics, Vol. 2" 1991. Carolina Cotton, age 70, died from cancer
1997. Steve Sanders, age 45, died in his Florida home, from
a self-inflicted gunshot wound in 1998. Steve had recently quit the
"Oak Ridge Boys," after a fifteen-year
association. Linda Davis hosted the Muscular Dystrophy Association
Benefit at The Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville
2004. Julie Roberts made her debut appearance on The
Tonight Show with Jay Leno 2004. The 2004 edition of the "Grand Ole Opry Superstar
Spectacular" was presented at the Ryman Auditorium 2004. All proceeds
from this annual concert go to the Opry Trust Fund, which benefits needy members
of Nashville's music community. Ray Charles, age 73, died in Los Angeles, CA
2004. Provided by Bill Morrison at www.rockabillyhall.com/billmorrison.html 1945
At Mail Call Today - Gene
Autry 1953
Take These Chains from My
Heart - Hank Williams 1961
Hello Walls - Faron Young 1969
Singing My Song - Tammy
Wynette 1977
1985
Natural High - Merle
Haggard HUNGRY MAN'S BREAKFAST CASSEROLE
Whiskers are an important
hunting and orientation tool for dogs as well as many other mammals. A seal's
whiskers, for example, pick up vibrations in the water, allowing it to detect
prey as far as 180 meters away. The scientific term for these finely tuned
sensory structures is "vibrissae." While the hairs themselves don't contain
nerve endings, their base is surrounded by erectile tissue and a rich nerve
supply. Like human eyelashes, they prompt the dog to close its eyes when they're
brushed. TOON
TIME LAST CALL
Y'ALL Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
from various areas
on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright n any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer. ~ GOD BLESS AMERICA ~ To subscribe, Click on a link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com ~ To unsubscribe from this opt-in mailing list click on link at the end of this mailing ~ Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or comments at: jim4615@earthlink.net or Jim Dowers P.O. Box 521 Carlisle, IN 47838-0521 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Miss getting The Funnies,or is your ISP blocking mail again? No problem To Read the Funnies on line. Just click on this link Archives Index: http://archives.zinester.com/25438 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Unsubscribe link is at the END of this list REMEMBER THE COLUMBIA & THE STS 107 CREW NEVER FORGET 9-11 God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand &&&&&&&&&& THIS DOCUMENT IS VIRUS FREE Scanned by McAfee, Inc. 3965 Freedom Circle, Santa Clara, CA 95054 ~ Unsubscription Email: 25438-unsubscribe@zinester.com Unsubscription URL: |
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