WEDNESDAY JUNE 15,2005

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while
we are here we might as well dance.
As I am sure you are all aware, the verdict came in yesterday that Michael
is Not Guilty.

Asked about his post-verdict plans, Michael Jackson reportedly responded
"I'm going to Disneyland!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
funny,funny,funny....but I'll hear about it.
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of
the slopes as written in this account by a New Orleans paper.

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of
story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were
perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over, the
"tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.

One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in
dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry that he was sure there
was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room
for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did
not go away.

If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know
that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So, with time
running out, the woman weighed her options.

Her husband, picking up on the intensity of her pain, suggested that
since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the
woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. The white will provide
more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the tree line, began
disrobing and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the
side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and a wrong way to
set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it. She had them
positioned the wrong way.

Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments.
Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out of
control, racing through the trees, somehow missing all of them and onto
another slope. Her derriere and her reverse side were still bare, her
pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while.

She continued on backwards, totally out of control, creating an unusual
vista for the other skiers.

The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the lift,
and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she
broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last her
husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then went to the base
of the mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her to a
hospital.

In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an obviously
broken leg was put in the bed next to hers.

"So how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk.

"It was the damnedest thing you ever saw," he said, "I was riding up
this ski lift, and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this
crazy woman skiing backward out of control down the mountain with her
bare bottom hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her
knees. I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't realize
how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift."

"So how'd you break your arm?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Other than telling us how to live, think, marry,
pray, vote, invest, educate our children and, now,
die, I think the Republicans have done a fine job of
getting government out of our personal lives." - Craig Carter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An incompetent counterfeiter spent all day making his
funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he
spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get
anything from this batch of money is to find a place
where the people aren't too bright and change his
phony money for real cash.

He travels to a small town in West Virginia and walks
into a small "Mom and Pop" grocery store. He goes to
the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you
have change for a $15 bill?"

The old man replies, "I sure do, Sonny. How would you
like that? An 8 and a 7 or two 6s and a three?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor
was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense.

After he presented a number of different situations in which they might
find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if
someone were coming at you with a big, sharp knife?"

The student replied, "Great BIG ones."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan told Congress
yesterday that inflation is not a problem. That
statement proves Greenspan doesn't drive a car,
doesn't shop for food, and doesn't know what the heck
he's talking about.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf freaks
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your
country house caretaker"

"Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"

"That's the one."

"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh
well...what did he die from?"

"From eating rotten meat."

"Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?"

"Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."

"Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?"

"Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that
work pulling the water cart."

Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on
fire."

"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the
candle for???"

"For the funeral."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!"

"Your wife's! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she
was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."

SILENCE..........................

"Arnaldo... if you broke that driver you are so fired!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband and I heard a man pounding on the door to the hotel room 
next to ours and shouting, "Honey, open the door! Let me in!" After 
five minutes of this noise, my husband went out in the hallway and 
asked, "Is everything okay?" "I locked myself out of the room," the 
man replied. "I think my wife's in the shower and can't hear me."

My  husband invited him in to use our telephone to call his wife. The
man 
dialed his room. "It's ringing now," he said. "She'll let me in, and 
I can leave you folks in peace." Through the wall we could hear the 
phone ringing next door. After four rings, we heard the man's wife 
yell, "Honey! Answer the phone!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An infant rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately though, a family of squirrels
took it in and raised it as if it were one of their own. This adoption
led to some peculiar behaviors on the part of the rabbit, including a
tendency for it to eschew jumping but rather to embrace running around
like its stepsiblings.

As the rabbit passed through puberty, however, it soon faced an identity
crisis (don't we all!). It went to its stepparents to discuss the
problem.

It allowed as to how it felt different from its stepsiblings, was unsure
of its place in the universe, and was generally forlorn. Their response
was, ... "Don't scurry, be hoppy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Blonde cop
Her car was speeding along Interstate 80 at well over 80 miles an hour
when it passed by a State Trooper's position...

Obviously, the officer was compelled to pull the young female driver
over and he asked to see her license.

After looking it over, he said to her, "It stipulates here on your
license that you should be wearing glasses."

"Well, I have contacts," the woman replied.

"Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer. "You're
getting a ticket."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for  
president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I  
think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in  
the president's bed."   --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Letterman on Freaky:
The verdict is in and Michael Jackson is not guilty on all charges.
However, his plastic surgeon was found guilty on all counts.

This just in??¦Saddam Hussein wants his trial moved to Santa Maria,
California.

After the trial the press was talking to the jurors and one of the
jurors said that Michael??™s innocence was as plain as the nose on his
face.

Michael had lots of supporters. In fact even if convicted his chimp said
that he would wait for Michael.

We knew the jury was close to a verdict today because earlier they asked
the judge to see O.J.??™s glove.

Michael said he was thankful for the California legal system and a jury
of 12 dumba$$es.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde is complaining to her friend about the bad day she'd
had at work. Her boss had suffered a heart attack and died.

Her friend said, "How horrible! What did you do?"

The blonde shook her head. "There was nothing I could do. He
kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn't tell me the
rest of the numbers..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
Provided by Bill Morrison at www.rockabillyhall.com/billmorrison.html



       **** TODAY'S SPECIAL ****        

Peachy Punch

1 (16 ounce) package frozen sliced peaches, thawed
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 1/2 cups orange juice
4 cups unsweetened pineapple juice
Crushed ice
2 tablespoons lemon or lime juice

Place peaches and their juice in a blender or food processor bowl.
Add sugar. Cover and blend or process until smooth. Transfer pureed
peaches to a 2-quart pitcher and stir in orange juice and lemon juice
or lime juice. (can be covered and stored overnight at this point).

When ready to serve, slowly combine mixture with champagne or other
option and serve over crushed ice. Yield: About 1 dozen 5-ounce
servings

&

Apple 'Pan-Cake'

Batter Ingredients:
6 eggs
1 cup flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 cups milk
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. vanilla

Topping Ingredients:
4 apples, peeled and sliced
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup margarine
1/4 cup raisins

Combine dry ingredients for batter, add liquids. Blend until smooth. Melt
margarine in oven in a 9" x 13" baking dish. Pour apples, raisins, and brown
sugar into hot margarine, stir until apples are coated and brown sugar is
melted. Return to oven until butter is hot again, add batter. Bake for 20
minutes at 425 degrees. Cut "pan-cake" into serving pieces. Serves 6-8.

&
Bacon Stuffed Cherry Tomatoes

2 pints  cherry tomatoes
1/2  cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan  cheese
1/2 bunch  green onions, finely chopped
1 16-oz. pkg. bacon, crisply  cooked and  crumbled

Cut the top off each cherry tomato, and  using melon  baller, carefully scoop
out the seeds and pulp. Place each  tomato upside  down on paper towel to
drain. Combine the rest of the ingredients  in a  small bowl. Stuff each cherry
tomato with the bacon mixture. Chill in   fridge for at least 2 hours to blend
flavors.

To serve, I like to  line the serving tray with parsley to keep  the little
tomatoes from  rolling around. It's very pretty too. Serves   8.



**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
Today: A 30 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms. Mostly cloudy, then gradually becoming mostly sunny, with a high around 86. Breezy, with a west southwest wind 11 to 14 mph increasing to between 19 and 22 mph. Winds could gust as high as 33 mph. New rainfall amounts of less than a tenth of an inch possible.

Tonight: Partly cloudy, with a low around 63. West wind between 6 and 14 mph.

Wednesday: Partly cloudy, with a high around 79. West wind between 8 and 18 mph, with gusts as high as 28 mph.

Wednesday Night: Partly cloudy, with a low near 58. Northwest wind between 6 and 14 mph.

Thursday: Partly cloudy, with a high around 77. Northwest wind between 6 and 10 mph.

Thursday Night: Mostly clear, with a low around 56.

Friday: Mostly sunny, with a high around 78.

Friday Night: Mostly clear, with a low around 59.

Saturday: Mostly sunny, with a high around 80.

Saturday Night: Mostly clear, with a low near 60.

Sunday: Sunny, with a high near 82.

Sunday Night: Clear, with a low around 61.

Monday: Mostly sunny, with a high near 83.


****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
See ya later







That's all folks
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Hey, Let's be careful out there
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