Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them

FRIDAY JUNE 24,2005
T.G.I.F.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
A house if made with walls and beams but a home
is made with love and dreams

Accident Report.  
I am writing in response to your request for additional  
information. In block number three of the accident reporting  
form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You  
said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust  
that the following details are sufficient:  

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I  
was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.  
When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500  
pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks  
down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using  
a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the  
building at the sixth floor.  

Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the  
roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.  
Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding  
it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of  
bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident  
reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.  Due to my surprise  
at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my  
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless  
to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of  
the building.  

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming  
down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collar-  
bone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent,  
not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two  
knuckles deep into the pulley.  Fortunately, by this time  
I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold  
tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.  

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of  
bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the  
barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now  
weighed approximately 50 pounds.  I refer you again to my  
weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a  
rapid descent down the side of the building.  

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming  
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations  
of my legs and lower body.  The encounter with the barrel,  
slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the  
pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were  
cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there  
on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel  
six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind.  

I let go of the rope!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by a well-meaning
husband who has inherited the house and kids.)

Monday A.M.
Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control.
Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is
on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea
by bedside. See you around six.

Tuesday A.M.
Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the frig. Hope you got back to sleep. Did
the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses? The school might
call you about this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your
door-to-door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope
you like leftover chili.

Wednesday A.M.
Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in
the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely
spot for Chris's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage,
back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on
bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven
drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking
house.

Thursday A.M.
Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M.
Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following: 1. How
do you turn on the garbage disposal? 2. How do you turn off the milkman? 3.
Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots? 4. How do you remove
a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand? 5. What do you
do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door? I
don't know what you're having for lunch! Surprise me!

Friday A.M.
Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress
shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded,
the house cleaned and the dinner on time.  ..... I called your mother. Have
a great day.!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told  
her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.'  

Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and  
told on her.  

The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you  
to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?"  

A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel  
right now!"   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A farmer finally decided to buy a TV.  The store assured him that
they would install the antenna and TV the next day.

The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only
political ads on every channel.  The next morning he turned the
TV on and found only political ads again.

When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only
found political ads.

The next day when he still found only political ads he called
the store to complain.  The owner said that it was impossible for
every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their
repairman to check the TV.

When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer
was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside
to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the
farmer he had found the problem.

The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded
to the manure spreader.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One night a man - who was in no shape to drive -

wisely left his car parked and walked home.

As he was walking unsteadily along the road, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.

"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.

"And just who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

Who Am I?

Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off
at our church's children's chapel on Sundays before the eleven
o'clock service.

One Sunday, just as I was about to open the door to the small
chapel, the minister came rushing up in full vestments. He said he
had an emergency and asked if I'd speak to the children at their
story time. He said the subject was the Twenty-third Psalm.

But just as I was about to get up from the back row and talk about
the good shepherd, the minister burst into the room and signaled
to me that he would be able to do the story time after all.

He told the children about sheep, that they weren't smart and needed
lots of guidance, and that a shepherd's job was to stay close to the
sheep, protect them from wild animals and keep them from wandering
off and doing dumb things that would get them hurt or killed.

He pointed to the little children in the room and said that they
were the sheep and needed lots of guidance.

Then the minister put his hands out to the side, palms up in a
dramatic gesture, and with raised eyebrows said to the children,
"If you are the sheep then who is the shepherd?" He was pretty
obviously indicating himself.

A silence of a few seconds followed. Then a young visitor said,
" Jesus, Jesus is the shepherd."

The young minister, obviously caught by surprise, said to the boy,
"Well, then, who am I?"

The little boy frowned thoughtfully and then said with a shrug,
"I guess you must be a sheep dog."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the rich man's will was read, his wife was very upset:
he left everything to the young woman who lived next door to
them and nothing to her! She drove immediately to the cemetery
to cancel her order for his headstone. The stonecarver said,
"You're too late. I already carved it just like you told me: 'Rest
In Peace.'" The woman thought a moment and then replied, "Okay,
then, I'll pay you a little more to add, 'Till we meet again!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goldie, a middle aged Jewish woman goes to see a fortune-teller.

" Two men are madly in love with me !" Goldie says.  " Who will
be the lucky one ? "

The swami answers...." Morris will marry you, and Irving will be
the lucky one. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The pastor's sermon focused on how God know's which of us grows
best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade.

"For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun, but
fuchsias thrive in the shade."

After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached him.

"Your sermon did me so much good," she said.

Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added, "I always
wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friendship among women:

A woman doesn't come home at night. The next day she
tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house.
The man calls his wife's 10 best friends.  None of
them know about it.

Friendship among men:

A man doesn't come home at night. The next day he
tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house.  The
woman calls her husbands 10 best friends.  Eight of
them say he did sleep over and 2 claim he's still
there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught
recently after fighting it for three hours.

Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture
you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed
10 pounds."

Doug replied, "Well . . . a fish can lose an awful
lot of weight during three hours of fighting."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few years ago a refugee from Laos came to the US in one of the
resettlement influxes. He had been an announcer in radio back in Laos,
and he wanted to get into the same line of work here. The first thing he
did was join AFTRA (American Federation of Television and Radio
Announcers).

He tried to pursue a job, but of course, he had problems with the
English language, being a new resident. In order to keep body and soul
together while going to English classes, he took up barbering.

Soon, he became a very good barber, giving haircuts, stylings, and
shaves. He seemed to be an artist with the straight razor. In fact, the
shop where he worked made him specialize in giving shaves.

Thus, he became known as an AFTRA shave Laotian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three adventurers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were
attempting to establish a new world recorcd circumnavigating the globe a
la Jules Verne, in a balloon.
-
One day the Russian put his hand out and reached down into the clouds.
"Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."
"How can you tell?" asked the American.
"I can feel the cold air." he replied.
-
A day later the African man put his hand through the clouds.
"Aah we're right over my homeland." he said.
"How do you know that?" asked the Russian.
"I can feel the heat of the desert."
-
Several more days later the American put his hand through the clouds.
"Aaaah, we're right over New York." The Russian and the African were
amazed.
"How do you know all of that?!" they exclaimed.
-
The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. "My
watch is missing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?"

**** Quickies ****
Japan now has one million people aged 90 or older. That means they
are halfway to becoming Florida.
~~~
A new poll shows that less than half of all Americans approve of the
way Dick Cheney is handling President Bush's job.
~~~
"If Mike Tyson is watching tonight's show ??“ now is a good  
time to sell your own line of grills." --Dave Letterman  
~~~
Lance Armstrong will try for a seventh Tour de France victory next
week. The race begins and ends in Paris. He hopes to roll through
France in only twenty-two days, breaking the record set sixty-five
years ago by General Karl von Rundstedt.
~~~
Jill's husband had been insured with a company that
prided itself on its speed and efficiency.  Less than
24 hours after her husband had died, an agent appeared
at her home and handed her a check for $1,000,000.

"He was such a good husband," Jill sobbed.  "Why I'd
give half of this money to have him back right now."
~~~
Q.  Why did the blonde have tire marks on her back?
A.  From crawling across the street when the sign said, "DON'T WALK."
~~~
If doctors make so much money why can't they afford new
magazines for their waiting rooms?
~~~
"Mildred, shut up" cried the golfer at his nagging wife, "Shut up or
you'll drive me out of my mind."
"That," said Mildred, "wouldn't be a drive, it would be a short putt."
~~~
Steven Spielberg says Tom Cruise is being "punished" by the American
news media for his recent happiness and euphoric behavior? but
not as much as the news media is punishing Americans with stories
about Tom Cruise.
~~~
Job experts say college graduates are entering a good
job market. They just need to know where to look for
good jobs. The first places that come to mind are
India and China
~~~
Kid Rock is being sued for punching a DJ at an adult club
last February. It was the first hit for Kid Rock since 1998.
~~~
More and more computer science majors at U.S. colleges
are opting not to take programming jobs after they
graduate.   Not because they don't want to work in the
computer industry, it's just that they want to spend a
few more years in America before having to move back
to India.
~~~
Tennessee will be the site of a new Nissan hybrid car factory. In
Tennessee, the definition of a hybrid is someone whose parents
aren't from the same family.
~~~
"The sure way to tell if a man is a bachelor is to check  
his silverware. If it's chewed up from going through the  
garbage disposal a few times, he's for real."  

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

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**** WEIRD HAPPENINS ****
N.Y. Woodpecker Thinks Reflection Is Enemy

SULLIVAN, N.Y. - Car owners around town are covering their mirrors
in an attempt to outsmart a woodpecker who apparently thinks his
reflection is an enemy.

Tim Taylor, who owns Thruway Auto Glass, said he replaced 30
smashed mirrors last year and 18 this year because of the bird,
which has claimed this area east of Syracuse as his territory.

"People come in pretty mad. One guy's been in here three times
already because he keeps forgetting to cover up the mirrors,"
Taylor said.

During breeding season, male woodpeckers aggressively defend their
turf, even against imaginary foes, said bird-watcher Benjamin Burtt.

Anne Miller has had two mirrors on her Pontiac Grand Prix smashed
and watched the bird attack her neighbor's Malibu.

"I told him to shoo. He did. Then he came right back and finished
the job," she said.  "Instead of flying off, he walked across the
windshield and did the passenger mirror.  I was flabbergasted."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My ex-wife's Blazer is suffering exactly the same fate from
the local woodpecker....Jb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*** Formula One President and CEO Bernie Ecclestone has foot-in-mouth
disease.  At a recent interview, he was asked his thoughts on female
racer Danica Patrick??™s 4th place finish at the Indy 500.  While he
praised her performance, he kicked her in the teeth with the comment,
???... women should be dressed in white like all the other domestic
appliances."  He called Patrick on Saturday, presumably to apologize,
but ended up repeating the slam directly to her, leaving her
dumbfounded.  Ecclestone has a history of sexist commentary, as
evidenced by a 2000 interview with Autosport magazine, where he talked
about women in racing.  He said that they would never excel in the sport
and added, ???What I would really like to see happen is to find the right
girl, perhaps a black girl with super looks, preferably Jewish or
Muslim, who speaks Spanish.???

In other news, Ecclestone announced plans to add another race to the
Formula One schedule, tentatively titled the ???Fried Chicken 500.???

Source: ESPN Motorsports -
http://sports.espn.go.com/rpm/news/story?series=irl&id=2092194
~~~~
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 
You can join The Funnies
IT'S  FREE
To subscribe, Click on link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com
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**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.  D.V.M. ****
CLOSED ON FRIDAY

**** HEALTH NEWS ****
AMA members attack 'Bo-taxes'  

CHICAGO, -- The American Medical Association says plans by  
some states to tax cosmetic procedures like Botox injec-  
tions would set a troubling taxing precedent. A committee-  
adopted resolution at the association's convention in  
Chicago says such "Bo-taxes" would lead to a "taxation of  
additional medical procedures," the Chicago Sun-Times  
reported. The report said nine states want such taxes as  
a new source of revenue. According to the American Society  
of Plastic Surgeons, people in the United States spent $8.4  
billion on 9.2 million cosmetic surgery procedures last  
year. Among those states considering the issue, Illinois  
had proposed a 6 percent cosmetic tax to fund stem cell  
research. The proposal stalled in the Legislature's spring  
session, but supporters plan to resurrect the initiative.  
New Jersey is the only state to pass a cosmetic tax, used  
to reimburse hospitals for charity care. But those opposed  
to the tax says the state's revenues from the tax have  
fallen 75 percent short of expectations.
~~~
 Some scientists say pill is not abortion  

NORFOLK, Va., -- Some U.S. scientists refute claims of  
abortion-rights opponents that use of the so-called morn-  
ing-after pill is the same as abortion. Abortion-rights  
opponents say the pills prevent the implantation of a  
fertilized egg in the womb and thus destroy an early  
embryo. They are joined by some pharmacists who refuse to  
dispense emergency contraception on moral grounds, the  
Chicago Times reported. But the scientists say the pills  
work mainly by blocking the release of an egg from the  
woman's ovary, and so no embryo is formed. "The pervasive  
myth out there is that emergency contraception is an  
abortifacient," said Dr. David Archer at the Contraceptive  
Research and Development Program of Eastern Virginia  
Medical School in Norfolk. He said emergency contraception  
generally doesn't work if taken after a woman has ovulated.  
On the other hand, no one can prove that the pill doesn't  
interfere with implantation, the Tribune said. The medical  
establishment including the National Institutes of Health,  
the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and the American  
College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says emergency  
contraceptives prevent pregnancy. Abortifacients such as  
RU-486 terminate pregnancies.  
~~~
Prednisolone may reduce miscarriage risk  

LIVERPOOL, England, -- British scientists have found that  
the steroid prednisolone can reduce the risk of miscarriage.  
The study by the University of Liverpool says prednisolone  
reduces the numbers of a type of cell known to play a role  
before and during early pregnancy. The findings may help  
treat a condition for which no satisfactory treatment cur-  
rently exists. The study's lead author Siobhan Quenby told  
the conference of the European Society of Human Reproduc-  
tion and Embryology in Copenhagen, "A randomized controlled  
trial of prednisolone for the prevention of miscarriage is  
urgently needed and I am in the process of setting one up."  
But Quenby warned her research is still at an early stage  
and that she did not want women to be given false hopes.  
~~~
     Drug may help obese teens lose weight  

NUTLEY, N.J., -- A prescription drug used to block fat  
absorption in the body may help obese teenagers lose  
weight without serious side effects, a new study said.  
Obese teenagers who took the drug Orlistat, combined  
with a reduced calorie diet and regular exercise, had a  
better rate of losing weight and keeping it off than  
those who made the same lifestyle changes but took a  
placebo, said the study published in the current Journal  
of the American Medical Association (JAMA).  

The majority of the patients taking Orlistat experienced  
moderate gastrointestinal problems, such as nausea and  
uncontrollable bowel movements, but they did not show any  
major safety concerns, The Washington Times said. Orlistat  
is sold in the United States as Xenical by Hoffman-La Roche  
Inc., the Nutley, N.J.-based subsidiary of global pharma-  
ceutical company Roche Group. The drug, approved by the  
Food and Drug Administration in 1999, reduces fat  
absorption by 30 percent, the report said.
~~~ 

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies/HEY LOOK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
NASCAR: Hmiel out until at least the 2007 season  
Official Release  

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. -- Driver Shane Hmiel has been suspended  
from NASCAR competition until at least 2007, NASCAR  
officials said Wednesday.  

At that time, NASCAR will evaluate whether or not he will be  
allowed to return to competition.  

Hmiel was suspended indefinitely June 3 after failing a  
substance abuse test. It was Hmiel's second offense.  

He was first suspended in September 2003 after failing a  
substance abuse test. He completed a prescribed  
rehabilitation program and was reinstated for NASCAR  
competition in February 2004.  

NASCAR will lay out a road map for Hmiel's possible  
reinstatement in 2007, including a rehabilitation program  
that will include medical and psychological reviews, as  
well as frequent testing.  

NASCAR will continue to be vigilant in enforcing its  
Substance Abuse Policy. The policy, based on reasonable  
suspicion, allows NASCAR to broadly administer tests  
virtually anytime, anywhere.  
Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** BILL'S COUNTRY CALANDER ****

Ramblin' Tommy Scott, "Tommy Lee Scott," born Stephens County, GA 1917.

 

Johnnie Bailes of the Bailes Brothers, born West Virginia 1918.

 

Daddy Dick Richards born 1918.

 

Johnny Hathcock, songwriter, born in Texas 1919.

 

Carl Hayes born 1926.

 

Connie Hall, singer/songwriter born Walden, KY 1929.

 

Louise Duncan born 1932.

 

Joey Castle, a.k.a. Cliff Rivers, Rockabilly singer, born NYC 1942.

 

Lefty Frizzell topped the charts with "I Want To Be With You Always" 1951.

 

Steuart Smith, guitarist, songwriter, producer, born Baltimore, MD 1952.

 

Buck Owens & Rose Maddox released "We're The Talk Of The Town/Sweetheart In Heaven" 1963.

 

Connie Smith signed with RCA Records 1964.

 

Sonny James' single "That's Why I Love You Like I Do" went to #1 in 1972.

 

Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "Monster's Holiday" 1974.

 

Foy Willing born "Foy Willingham" leader of "Riders of the Purple Sage" died 1978.

 

Joe Sun's "Old Flames Can't Hold A Candle To You," charted 1978.

 

The Oak Ridge Boys celebrated their first #1, "I'll Be True to You" 1978.

 

Johnny Cash performed for the Billy Graham Crusade in Nashville, Tennessee, from the 24^th through the 27^th, in 1979.

 

Marshall Grant sued Johnny Cash for $2.6 million dollars in 1981.

 

John Anderson recorded the last session at Owen Bradley's legendary studio "The Hut" in 1982. The Music Row studio was once home to Patsy Cline, Brenda Lee, Lefty Frizzell, Marty Robbins, Loretta Lynn and may others.

 

Garth Brooks debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1989.

 

Capitol released Tennessee Ernie Ford's album "Red, White & Blue" 1991.

 

Curb Records released Jeff Carson's "Butterfly Kisses" 1997.

 

Dixie Chick Natalie Maines, married actor Adrian Pasdar, in Las Vegas, 2002.

Provided by Bill Morrison at www.rockabillyhall.com/billmorrison.html

ON THIS DATE, COUNTRY MUSIC??™S TOP TUNES WERE:

 

1949         One Kiss Too Many - Eddy Arnold

1957         Four Walls - Jim Reeves

1965         Ribbon of Darkness - Marty Robbins

1973          Kids Say the Darndest Things - Tammy Wynette

1981          But You Know I Love You - Dolly Parton

1989         Love Out Loud - Earl Thomas Conley

 

 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
 June 22, 2005: Harrah's Las Vegas Casino & Hotel will open Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill June 29. The restaurant features a bar, lounge, restaurant, live music venue and retail store and merchandise. The new venue features giant guitar pick-lined walls, guitar-shaped bar, a stage featuring live music nightly, a dance floor and a private dining room.
"The common theme here is great food, attentive service and an enjoyable atmosphere," said David Hoenemeyer, assistant general manager of Harrah's Las Vegas. "This isn't just for country music fans. It is for anyone who wants a fun dining and entertainment experience."
Visitors can watch Keith's music videos on one of 20 state-of-the-art plasma television screens, which will broadcast major sporting events and other programs throughout the year.
Live country and rock bands, hand-picked by Keith, will perform nightly from 9 p.m. - 2 a.m.
~~~

Canadian Country Awards Scheduled for Sept. 12  

The Canadian CMA Awards will take place Sept. 12 in Calgary,  
Alberta. Paul Brandt, a native of Alberta, will host the  
ceremony for the sixth time. Tickets to the awards show are  
available at Ticketmaster's Canadian Web site. CBC Tele-  
vision will broadcast the awards live, with encore broad-  
casts scheduled to air on CMT Canada.   


       **** TODAY'S SPECIAL ****        

GRILLED STEAK AND VEGGIE SALAD   

INGREDIENTS:  
1-1/2 pounds beef flank steak, fat trimmed and scored  
1 medium sweet onion, cut into small wedges  
6 medium Italian plum tomatoes, cut into wedges  
4 ears corn, cooked, cut into 1-1/2 inch pieces  
1 medium green pepper, sliced  
Fresh Herb Vinaigrette (recipe follows)  

DIRECTIONS:  
Grill steak over medium-hot coals to desired degree of  
doneness, about 20 minutes for medium, turning steak  
halfway through cooking time. Slice steak, diagonally  
across grain, into scant 1/4-inch slices. Combine sliced  
meat and vegetables in shallow serving bowl. Pour dressing  
over and toss. Serve immediately or refrigerate several  
hours and serve chilled.  

Yield: 6 servings  

Fresh Herb Vinaigrette  
1/3 cup red wine vinegar 1/4 cup water  
3 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil  
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice  
2 cloves garlic, minced  
2 tablespoons sweetener  
1 teaspoon dried rosemary leaves  
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves  
1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves  
1 teaspoon dried basil leaves  
1/2 teaspoon salt  
1/4 teaspoon pepper  

Combine all ingredients in covered jar; shake to mix.  
Yield: Makes about 3/4 cup  

Per serving : 1/6 recipe (3 oz. meat) with 2 tablespoons  
vinaigrette, 305 calories, 25 g protein, 18 g carbohydrates,  
16 g total fat, 5 g saturated fat, 56 mg cholesterol, 3 g  
fiber, 255 mg sodium
~~~

Texas T-Bones

1 (1 1/4 ounce) envelope taco seasoning
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon minced garlic
2 T-bone steaks, cut about 1-inch thick

Combine taco seasoning, olive oil, and minced garlic to make a thick paste. Divide and rub mixture evenly over both sides of steaks.

Heat grill or allow coals to burn down to white ash. Grill steaks about 18 to 20 minutes for medium doneness, turning midway through.

Makes 2 to 4 servings.
~~~

Texas Two-Step Chicken Picante

1 1/2 cups picante sauce
3 tablespoons packed light brown sugar
1 tablespoon Dijon-style mustard
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
3 cups hot cooked rice

Mix picante sauce, sugar and mustard. Place chicken breasts in a 2-quart shallow baking dish. Pour mixture over chicken. Bake at 400 degrees F for 20 minutes
or until chicken is done. Serve over rice.
~~~

Texas Trash?®

1/2 cup butter
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons seasoned salt
1 teaspoon garlic powder
2 cups Rice Chex?®
2 cups Wheat Chex?®
4 ounces shoestring potatoes
2 cups pretzel sticks
1 cup salted nuts

Combine butter, Worcestershire sauce, salt and garlic powder. Blend well in skillet. Add remaining ingredients. Put into a baking dish. Bake at 250 degrees
F for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.


**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

 What is the exact definition of "obstruction of justice"?

 Obstruction of justice is a criminal charge with a very broad definition. It refers to any interference of the administration and due process of law. This can take place during an investigation, as well as during a trial. Anyone who knowingly interferes with the work of police officers, investigators, or government agencies can be charged. Someone can also be charged with obstruction of justice if they impair the efforts of a court trial. For example, threatening a juror or witness.

President Clinton was famously accused of obstruction of justice during the 1999 impeachment trial. The charge stated he attempted to "delay, impede, cover up and conceal evidence" in the Paula Jones sexual harassment lawsuit.

The Legal Information Institute at Cornell Law School offers a myriad of offenses that can be classified as obstruction of justice. To cite just a few: interfering with an audit, assaulting a process server, or resisting an extradition agent.


**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/

Weather Summary:
The heat is on! Highs on Friday will be the highest so far this year
with highs in the low to mid 90`s. The heat will stay for the weekend
with only a very small chance of a t-storm. Next week will stay very
warm and again only a very small chance of a storm popping up.

-- Jesse Walker

Weather Factoid:
The highest temperature so far this year as been 90 degrees. We will be
above that on Friday!

Thursday Night
Fair and Warm
Low 66

Friday
Hot and More Humid
High 94

Friday Night
Fair and Warm
Low 70

Saturday
Partly Sunny, Isolated Storm Possible
High 93
Low 70

Sunday
Partly Sunny
High 90
Low 70

Monday
Partly Sunny
High 90
Low 70

Tuesday
Partly Sunny
High 90
Low 68

Wednesday
Partly Sunny
High 88
Low 68

Thursday
Partly Sunny
High 90
Low 68


****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM...
It could be a right number.

TOON TIME

Printer Not Ready
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313113.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313113.htm ">  Here!</a>

Catmobile
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313112.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313112.htm ">  Here!</a>

Porridge
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313111.htm
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Microsoft Office Help...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/022.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/022.htm"> Here </a>

Walking The Dog...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/023.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200402/023.htm"> Here </a>

Opposites Attract!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny100.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny100.html">Here!</a>

Pimp
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313110.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313110.htm ">  Here!</a>

Pig
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313109.htm
<a href="  ">  Here!</a>

Oh No Elliot!!
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313108.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313108.htm ">  Here!</a>

Island Transport Infrastructure...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/018.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/018.htm"> Here </a>

PC Problems...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/019.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/019.htm"> Here </a>

If Santa Wants To Know...
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny96.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny96.html">Here!</a>



LAST CALL Y'ALL
America

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years to pay off.

We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.

We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner".

We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old kids run wild.

We whip an enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

We get upset we're spending over a billion dollars for education, but spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we're out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.

We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.

~Author Unknown

That's all folks
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