If ya don't like the music, Just turn it
off V The Almost Daily Funnies
"Friends are God's way of taking care of
us." These
are clean jokes. However, They are PG - Not intended for younger
readers - PG
Welcome New
Subscribers Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help
Them
THURSDAY JUNE 30,2005
THOUGHT FOR
TODAY:"The really frightening thing about middle age is the
knowledge that you'll grow out of it."
I am always experimenting in the
kitchen ??“ trying to come up with new and different frou-frou crap like
cheesecakes, etc. With all the cooking I do and have done all these
years, I??™ve never owned a blender. I don??™t even remember ever using
one. A couple of weeks ago, I got a hair in my a** to get one. We have a wet bar in our new
house, so it seemed like a logical choice.
I decided to bring it out and
use it Sunday. I was trying to figure out how to make my own Starbucks
Mocha Frap (those little bastages are expensive) ??“ By the way, I nailed it
and I??™ll share the recipe later in this issue. Anyway, I get all the
ingredients in the container and commence to frappe-ing the stuff. I
notice all this chocolatey goodness coming out of the bottom. Dumbass
that I am, I picked up the container to see what was going on and the bottom
literally fell out. I didn??™t know those little biotches unscrewed at
the bottom??¦ I feel so??¦ BLONDE.
I??™m still cleaning the frap-crap out of
it.----DS Jb says ... Recipies will be in Amy's Kitchen..heh heh heh Bet
it was a heck of a
mess!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From The Irish Warlock??¦
A high school science
class was asked the question, "When water becomes ice, which of its physical
properties increases?"
Everyone answered, "Its volume
increases."
Except for one wise guy that was obviously thinking outside
the box, and no doubt in reality, closer to the truth,
"When water
becomes ice, its price
increases." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Teens today are so
edumacated??¦
The following questions and answers were collated
from tests given to 16-year-old students:
Q: Name the four
seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q: Explain one of the
processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes
water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead
sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on
the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A body of
earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the ocean? A: The
tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
toward the moon because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic
society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen
when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for
keeping carpets on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you
age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A:
He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to adultery.
Q: Name a
major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
Q: How
can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the
main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted
into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The
brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the
abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What
is the Fibula? A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean? A:
Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most
people prevent contraption by wearing a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning
of the term "Caesarian Section" A. The caesarian section is a district in
Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman Emperor..
Q: What is a
terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an
example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They
always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What
does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be
eight.
Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his
head. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ During his spare time, my brother, an
attorney, volunteers on his town's fire and rescue squad. When I mentioned
this to a friend, he smiled and said, "Let me get this straight. Your
brother is a lawyer AND an EMT? So he doesn't have to chase the ambulance;
he's already in it?"
That??™s what I call killing two birds with one
stone??¦Jb ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A new teacher was trying to make use
of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who
thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood
up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No,
ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by
yourself!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ While on maternity leave, a woman from our
office brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had her seven-year- old
son with her.
Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy
asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?"
"What do you
say?" she asked.
Respectfully, the boy replied, "You're thin and
beautiful."
The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the
money ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once-upon-a-time, there was a very
big fish, named Bob. Bob was the largest fish in the pond, but he wanted to
be even bigger. Day and night, he would obsess about it.
One day, he
was out catching flies for dinner. He managed to catch a really humoungus
fly that was about the size of a golf ball. Before he could swallow it
though, the big fly begged and pleaded for his life. The Fly promised Bob a
magic wish if he would spare his life.
Bob was a little suspicious at
first. He was also very hesitant about giving up the largest fly he had seen
since the nuclear power plant had moved in. Bob thought about it for a
while, but the more he thought about, the more he wanted that magic wish. He
was hungry, but more than anything else on this planet, he wanted to be
huge.
Finally he decided to take the magic wish. The fly looked at him
and said "Name your wish, fish!".
"I want to be huge, really, really
huge. I want to be bigger than any fish that ever lived." Bob said to the
fly.
"That's really stupid" the fly said to him.
Bob looked at
the fly and said "Hey asshole, are you gonna give me the wish or not?"
"I sure am." the fly said, and with that Bob started to grow. He grew
and grew and grew until he was so large that he couldn't fit in the pond
anymore. Bob flailed and gasped for water, but he was beached, and after
a while he died.
The people fishing in their boats, the people
standing on the banks of the pond, and the people who had stopped their cars
on the highway, all stared in awe and wonder at this big stupid fish that
was stuck on the side of the pond.
The mayor called a town meeting
to decide what to do with the big fish, but members of a nearby cult came by
later and claimed that the big fish had been promised to them by God. After
some negotiations, a large fish barbecue was arranged, and everybody had a
wonderful time, except Bob, who was of course
eaten. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Bible According to
Kids
The cute statements below are said to have been written by
actual students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or
corrected:
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were
created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
Lot's
wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
Samson
was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.
The Egyptians were all
drowned in the dessert.
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to
get the ten ammendments.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to
eat the apple.
The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
Moses
died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the
battle of Geritol.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told
his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king
skilled at playing the liar.
He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of
people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons,
had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the
mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
When the three wise guys
from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
Jesus
was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
St. John, the
blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule,
which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained,
"a man doth not live by sweat alone."
It was a miracle when Jesus
rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
One of the opossums
was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to
Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called
monotony. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blonde
moments...
My sister is a very intelligent woman when it comes
to "book smarts," but a little naive in the ways of the real world.
She used to work as a waitress, which I won't knock, because it IS a hard
job. But when the cooks told her to go to the basement (restaurant had
no basement) to get the dehydrated water, she searched for the basement
entrance for an hour before realizing she'd been the butt of a joke.
Another time, one of the salad girls had been busy, so my sister decided to
make the salad herself. Just as she was carrying it to the customer,
the salad girl grabbed her and said "what are you doing?" My sister
said "well, she asked for the dressing on the side." You guessed it-
she had put a little salad in the middle of the plate and poured dressing
around the edges!
My mom's friend is a teacher at a nearby high
school. Well, one day, she assigned her class a paper on World War 2. The
day it was due, one boy came in empty handed. The teacher asked him why. He
simply replied, "I went to every library I could find, but I found NOTHING
on World War 2. I found a lot of books on World War 11,
though."
Not-so-bright ideas...
One day I took out the vacuum
cleaner to vacuum my rugs and saw the bag inside was full. I went to get a
new bag and saw I was out of the bags. I decided instead to put a plastic
garbage bag into the vacuum cleaner. Being this vacuum cleaner was an
upright it was an easy thing to do. When I turned on the vacuum cleaner
imagine my surprise when the 30-gallon garbage bag blew up like a huge
balloon and my vacuum cleaner danced across the living room rug.
The
Great Oppressor...
Did you ever get rejected for a credit card? I did
years ago. I had just started my new job start out of college. I felt
responsible enough to handle my own credit card so I applied for an American
Express card. Weeks later I received a letter stating that my job was not
good enough to be accepted for the card. Funny enough, I was employed at
American Express.
And then there are the fast food rocket
scientists...
To prove just how smart the people who work for McDonalds
are I told my brother that I would order a cheeseburger without cheese to
find out what the guy would say. He did just what I thought he would do, he
called back to the grill for a cheeseburger with no cheese instead of
handing me a burger off the warmer. The guy working the grill didn't
catch on either, because he wrapped it in a special wrapper instead of
suggesting that he give me a regular hamburger.
I went to McDonalds's
the other day, and ordered a cheeseburger with ketchup only, meaning bread,
meat, cheese, and ketchup. When I pulled away from the window, I checked the
burger to make sure it didn't have anything but ketchup, and there was no
cheese on it! I drove around and said to the guy at the window "This doesn't
have any cheese. "He said "Right, you ordered it with ketchup
only." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I manage a simple web site for my
employer (a small charity), and owing to the purchase of a domain name I
emailed the details of the new URL to several website owners who were known
to have maintained links to us at our old address.
A couple weeks
later I received this message:
"Dear John" (my name is not John). "Please
send me your advertising rates"
A simple request. The only problem is
that we have never carried advertising. I emailed him back:
"Dear
***, Thanks for your enquiry, but I am afraid that we do not carry
advertising within our website"
Message returns:
"Dear John"
(Doh!) "Yes, I would like to advertise on your web site - please let me know
how much it will cost."
I replied in much the same vein as before i.e. We
do not carry advertising. We will never carry advertising. We have never
carried advertising. There are no rates. Go away.
Message
returns:
"Dear John" (I'm getting tired of being called John). "I would
like to renew the advertising that I had with you a while back. How much
does it cost now?"
By now I'm getting a little pi**ed. I
reply.
"Dear ***, As I have stated repeatedly, we have never carried
advertising within our website. You cannot therefore renew advertising
that we have never carried. In the unlikely event that we should start
to carry advertising in the future then you will be the first to know,
but don't hold your breath. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if
you would stop sending me requests for our advertising rates. We don't
have any. Furthermore, my name is _not_ John (as you may see by reading
the sig at the bottom of every message I have sent)."
Message returns
yesterday:
"Dear John" (AAAAAAARGH!). "I enclose my copy for the
advertising......."
My reply:
(Several hundred swear words
deleted.)
"Dear ***, as you obviously do not understand plain English,
try this for size. CONSIDER YOURSELF KILLFILED.
Actually I didn't
send that reply - I just wish I had. He has, however, been added to my bozo
list. I wonder if the schlemeil is gonna be visiting the web site daily,
looking for his advertising....... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How much is a
billion? The next time you hear a politician use the words
"billion" casually, think about whether you want that politician spending
your tax dollars.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one
advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective:
A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago, Jesus
was alive.
A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone
Age.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the
rate Washington spends ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Has anyone called you a MORON lately??? Have you tried to
show someone that they are a MORON??? Why leave a burning question like that
in dispute??? Take The Moron Test And See If You ARE a MORON or NOT
!!
**** Quickies
**** I asked my wife to
help me find a match for my sock. She answered, "What for? Are you
going to set it on fire?? ~ There's a machine out now that
can tell when a man's lying." "I know. I married one." &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& Shirley's
ressypees e-zine We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe, send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
Suspected Flasher Arrested When Returns To Crime
Scene
Police Search For More Possible
Victims
POSTED: 5:23 pm CDT June 27,
2005
UPDATED: 5:46 pm CDT June 27,
2005
ROSENBERG, Texas -- Rosenberg police are
searching for more possible victims of a man they say exposed himself at the
same bakery twice before he was arrested when he returned for a third time,
investigators told Local 2 Monday.
Officers said the man first went to the Trinity Bakery,
located at 909 Sixth St., on June 14.
"The man walked in and knelt down and acted like he was going to tie his
shoes. But instead, he exposed his private parts," employee Viridiana Aroche
said through a translator.
She said it happened on different days. She works in the Mexican pastry
shop alone and said she did not know what to do.
The man left after buying some pastries.
When he returned, he came face-to-face with a detective.
"He had just walked in the store and the detective was showing mug shots
of possible suspects and then walked in and the clerk said, 'That's him,'" said
Terrol Rees, with the Rosenberg Police Department.
Real Freeman Ransom II, 66, was arrested and charged with indecent
exposure, a Class B misdemeanor. His bond was set at
$4,000. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** WEIRD HAPPENINS
****
It took over 5 painstaking years
to create a natural, native prairie in the bustling metropolis of
Minneapolis, and it took the city about 15 minutes to completely destroy
it. The prairie around the YWCA was filled with tall native grasses and
wildflowers - a testament to the history and nature of the area - and was
used as a teaching lab for children. But along came a
cracker-jack city inspector who just happened to notice the grass was a
little higher then the 8-inch maximum, so he called in the mower
brigade. Neither big chief eagle-eyes nor the mowers saw the large
SIGN reading "Why Don't We Mow".
The YWCA was able to stop them before
they actually mowed down the sign. Unfortunately, most of the tiny
ecosystem was destroyed and will take years to recultivate. Big
raspberries go our to the school district quarters next door, who received
all the warning letters instead of the YWCA - and ignored them. - Doug
Grow, Star Tribune
http://www.startribune.com/stories/462/5475508.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ German businessman Joerg Winterberg is either spoiled
or trying to commit suicide. The 60 year-old recently purchased a
top-of-the-line Ferrari Challenge Stradale and now he wants a refund! He's
miffed because the vehicle doesn't actually reach the advertised 186 mph top
speed - it ONLY goes to 175 mph. Winterberg states: "I could have
bought a Porsche for far less and still had the same performance. I
want my money back." Ferrari insists there is nothing wrong with the
car and refuses to issue a refund. I have an idea: Why doesn't he just
get a coffin on wheels? - Ananova
A German man who staged a
political protest by writing "The Government is crap" on his own car, has
been told to remove it or face jail.
Police failed to see the funny
side of 33-year-old Stefan Schroeder's protest.
Officers said they had
received complaints from several people about protest on his yellow VW.
The words were stenciled on the rear and side
windows. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Couples getting married at a Russian
church are being urged to buy bricks towards its restoration.
Couples
are asked to buy two bricks costing about $2 each. The names of the sponsors
are carved on every brick bought.
On the first day, newlyweds and their
relatives reportedly paid for nearly a hundred
bricks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All celebrities must have a cause to
champion, and American Idol??™s Paula Abdul has apparently found hers.
On Monday, Abdul testified before California legislatures on the evils of
dirty nail salons and the need for legislation to clean them up. This
stems from a yearlong ordeal after receiving an unsanitary manicure herself,
which caused her great pain, many trips to the hospital, and a deluge of
late-nite jokes. In her closing statement, she said: ???I was publicly
humiliated. That is why with an open heart and a selfless agenda, I
implore you to pass this bill.??? At least she isn??™t standing naked on a
bed of lettuce promoting PETA??¦ - AP/All Around Philly
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& You can join The Funnies IT'S
FREE To subscribe, Click on link below 25438-subscribe@zinester.com &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
****
HEALTH NEWS ****
Flu season's late peak
helped
EVANSTON, Ill., -- This year's flu season in the
United States was as severe as that of previous one, but
didn't get worse because it peaked later, says a report.
Hospital operator Solucient LLC, headquartered in Evanston,
Ill., said a flu season's severity is reflected in
hospital admissions for community-acquired pneumonia or CAP, one
of the common flu complications. Using CAP discharge
data from October 2002, through March 2005, the report
said daily discharges peaked at an average of about 7,000
in January/February of this year, compared to 8,000 in
the previous flu season's December 2003/January 2004 peak,
the report said. Both these seasons had approximately 31
per- cent more hospital discharges than the 2002-2003 flu
season. Due to an unusual shortage of flu vaccine, the later
peak of the 2004-2005 flu season may have given public
health officials more time to reallocate the limited
vaccine supply, the report said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PET
scans best to detect vaginal cancer
ST. LOUIS, -- PET scans
detected twice as many primary tumors and cancerous lymph nodes
as did CT scans in those with vaginal cancer, St. Louis
researchers reported. Scientists at Washington University School
of Medicine in St. Louis found that in cervical cancer, vaginal
cancer advances predictably, spreading to lymph nodes
increasing- ly higher up in the body as the disease progresses.
Doctors use information about the size of the tumor and the
involve- ment of lymph nodes to determine treatment, such as
where to target radiation and whether to use surgery or
chemo- therapy. The study -- published in the July 1 issue of
the International Journal of Radiation Oncology,
Biology, Physics -- suggests the use of PET, or positron
emission tomography, would make diagnosis of vaginal cancer
much more accurate and allow better selection of treatment.
Study author Dr. Perry W. Grigsby says Medicaid, Medicare and
many private insurers currently specify CT for diagnosing
and monitoring this
cancer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Enzyme may help
arthritis
ST. LOUIS, -- St. Louis scientists have found a
new role for an enzyme that may make it a target for
anti-inflamma- tory treatments and help in arthritis. Research
at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis
shows the enzyme cathepsin G regulates the ability of immune
cells known as neutrophils to secrete chemicals that attract
other immune cells and start the local inflammatory process.
Over time, the excessive accumulation of immune cells can
lead to tissue and cartilage damage in joints, causing pain
and limiting mobility. "Cathepsin G affects a very early
step in this kind of immune response, so inhibiting it
has attractive potential for developers of therapeutics,"
says senior author Dr. Christine T.N. Pham, assistant
professor of medicine and a rheumatologist at Barnes-Jewish
Hospital. The findings are published in
Immunity.
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
**** These Are My Causes Please
Help It
takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their
corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate
mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the
web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com & The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble
getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of
getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It
takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "feed an
animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising. Here's
the web site! Pass it along to people you
know! http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thoughts or Comments jokes or stories U
Send'em and I'll print'em Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this jim4615@earthlink.net Subject
Line--- The Funnies/HEY LOOK ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****
F1 will punish 7 teams
FIA deems teams that boycotted U.S. GP guilty of 2
offenses.
Bill Chitwood, "The Georgia Yellow Hammers,"
born Resaca, GA 1888.
Doyle Holley born Perkins, OK
1936.
Donna Hilley, music industry executive, born
Birmingham, AL 1946.
R. W. Blackwood and Bill Lyles, of the Blackwood Brothers
Quartet, killed in a plane crash in Clanton, AL
1954.
Dwayne Keith O'Brien "Little Texas" born Ada,
OK 1963.
Vivian Liberto Cash filed for Divorce from
Johnny Cash 1966.
Merle Haggard's single "Everybody's Had the
Blues Sometimes" went to #1 1972.
Vern Gosden
charted his #1 single "I Can Tell By The Way You Dance," in
1984.
Starday released Jim Eanes album "Your Old
Standby" 1998.
Black Jack Wayne died
1999.
Sara Evans "I Could Not Ask For More" charted
on Billboard's Top 40 in 2001.
Chester
Burton "Chet" Atkins, age 77, died in Nashville 2001.In 1973, Chet Atkins, age 49, was
the youngest person ever inducted into the Country Music Hall Of Fame. He was
inducted into the R&RHF in 2002, as a
sideman.
Neal McCoy was a guest of Philippine
President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at her inauguration in 2004. Neal is
one of the top selling artists in the Philippines, and is part
Filipino.
1973Don??™t Fight the Feelings of
Love - Charley Pride
1981Blessed are the Believers
- Anne Murray
1989I Don??™t Want to Spoil the Party - Roseanne
Cash
**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS
****
"Saginaw, Michigan" will be included along withother towns, in a CMT special,
???20 GreatestCity Songs,??? scheduledto air in August. The special will also
include music videos, archival performances and stories about the songs and the
cities that inspired them. In addition to Saginaw, Michigan, TV crews are
scheduled to visitMontgomery,
Ala.,for the song "Midnight in
Montgomery"; Muskogee, Okla.,for
"Okie From Muskogee"; Bakersfield, Calif.,for "Streets of Bakersfield"; and Luckenbach, Texas for "Luckenbach,
Texas (Back to the Basics of Love)." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Country-Soul artist Big Al Downing has
been hospitalized in Massachusetts reports his wife of 27 years, Beverly.
Recently diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia,
the singer with the big voice, the big smile and the big heart will begin
chemotherapy treatment
immediately.
Best
known for his hits, "Mr.
Jones"and "Touch
Me," Downing's impact on the
country genre is far- reaching. His music, a soul-based, "true" country sound,
has won this veteran songwriter, musician and performer fans around the globe. A
recipient of Billboard's
New Artist of the Year and Single of the Year in 1979, his lengthy career is a testament to his many talents. In 2003,
he released the critically- acclaimed CD,
ONE OF A
KIND, and was
recording tracks for an upcoming CD when stricken with this illness. A beloved
entertainer, Downing has continued to perform over 75 key dates per year, and
recently appeared at Ontario's prestigious Havelock
Country Jamboree with Kenny Rogers and Roy Clark. Plans for his
upcoming European tour have been put on
hold.
****
TO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'S MU
Following his triple-bypass surgery on Monday, Ralph
Stanley will return home Thursday to continue his recuperation. Stanley's
wife, Jimmi, said that the 78-year-old singer is "eating well" and has been
"walking a lot" since the day after his surgery. His doctors, who discovered the
arterial blockage last week when Stanley went in for a routine examination, said
they expect him to have a quick and complete recovery. Due to the surgery,
some concerts are unable to go forward. **** Amy's Kitchen
**** Chocolatey Bonus: Starbucks Mocha
Frap
Yields 2 ???Grande??? servings
?? Cup Double-Strength Coffee 1
cup Low Fat Milk 1/3 Cup Hershey??™s Chocolate Syrup 3 level Tablespoons
Sugar 2 Cups Ice
Make double-strength coffee and chill before
using.
Combine cold coffee, milk, chocolate syrup, and sugar in the
blender. Blend for 15-20 seconds to dissolve sugar. Add ice and
blend until ice is crushed and the drink is smooth.
Pour drinks into
two 16-oz glasses and garnish with whipped cream and a drizzle of chocolate
syrup. Ah.....Donna yer a treasure ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taco Dip 1-1/2 lbs. ground beef, browned, crumbled
fine and drained 1 package taco seasoning mix 10 oz jar salsa 1 lb
Velveeta cheese, cubed 1/4 cup chopped green onion
Combine all
ingredients in slow cooker. Cover. Heat on low for 2-3 hours. 6-8
Servings ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nacho Dip 1 lb. ground beef,
browned, crumbled fine and drained 2 lbs. American cheese, cubed 16 oz jar
salsa 1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
Combine beef, cheese, salsa and
Worcestershire sauce in slow cooker. Cover. Cook on high 1 hour, stirring
occasionally until cheese is fully melted. You serve now or turn to low for
serving up to 6 hours later. 10-12 Servings.
**** TODAY'S
USELESS FACT ****
Why did Stephen Hawking change his mind
about his black hole theory?
In
1975, Stephen Hawking argued that black holes, objects that formed through the
collapse of massive stars, destroyed everything that fell through them. Not even
light could escape their gravitational pull. Hence the name, "black
holes."
His black hole theory became quite popular in scientific circles
during the 1980s. When Hawking suggested that matter traveling through a black
hole would disappear into a parallel universe, even sci-fi aficionados were
hooked.
However, his theory couldn't explain a fundamental paradox.
Matter entering a black hole could not just "disappear;" quantum physics laws
state that matter can neither be created nor destroyed. The paradox inspired a
30-year debate among scientists that ended when Hawking recently came up with
the answer.
Black holes, he now claims, disintegrate and die after
immense periods of time. As they deteriorate, their transformed contents are
spit back out into the universe they came from. "If you jump into a black hole,
your mass energy will be returned to our universe, but in a mangled form, which
contains information about what you were like, but in an unrecognizable state,"
he said.
As to why Hawking had this seemingly sudden change of heart, we
can only guess that some of life's puzzles take 30 years to
solve.
**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER **** http://www.wtwo.com/ Weather Summary: Some changes are on the way.
A low changes for storms Wednesday night and it will be muggy. A strong cold
front will move through on Thursday. The atmosphere will be very unstable on
Thursday and as the cold front moves in, this could set the stage for some
severe storms by afternoon and into the early night. Cooler and less humid
air moves in for Friday and will last into Saturday giving us a nice break
from the heat and humidity. It will start to heat up some on Sunday. The 4th
of July will be hot again with highs around 90 degrees. Right now it looks
like it will stay dry on Monday. It will stay very warm next week.
--
Jesse Walker
Weather Factoid: The last time we had widespread rain
was on June 13th!
Wednesday Night 30% Chance of Storms Low 72
Thursday Storms Developing, Some Could Be Severe High 93
Thursday Night Showers / Storms, Few May Be Severe Early Low 67
Friday Partly Sunny, Cooler / Less Humid High 84 Low 67
Saturday Mostly Sunny High 82 Low 58
Sunday Partly
Sunny High 87 Low 60
Monday Partly Sunny High 90 Low 68
Tuesday Partly Sunny High 90 Low 68
Wednesday
Partly Sunny High 87 Low 65
****A PARTING THOUGHT
**** Laws are spider webs
through which the big flies pass and the little ones get
caught
I don't do windows because I love birds and
don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax
floors because I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I'll feel
terrible and they may sue me.
I don't mind the dust bunnies because they
are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with
everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because I want every creature
to have a home of their own.
I don't Spring Clean because I love all
the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.
I don't pull
weeds in the garden because I don't want to get rid of the only green I
got.
I don't put things away because my husband will never be able to
find them again.
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because I
don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over
for dinner.
I don't iron because I choose to believe them when they say
"Permanent Press."
I don't stress much on anything because "A Type"
personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up
crusty ol' person!
That's all folks *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Hey, Let's be careful out
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