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Subject: The Daily Funnies - August08, 2005



If ya don't like the music, Just turn it off 
V

From Carlisle ,Indiana
Welcome to
  

The Almost Daily Funnies
"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These  are clean jokes. However,
They are
PG - Not intended for  younger readers - PG

Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them

MONDAY AUGUST 08,2005


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:There is nothing wrong
in having nothing to say unless you insist on saying it.


The twelve year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock
counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers.
Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and
hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car.
"What took you so long, son?" he asked.
"The man waited on everybody in the store before me," the boy replied,"But I got even."
 "How?"
"I wound and set all the alarm clocks while I was waiting," the youngster explained happily.
"There'll be a lot of noise starting at eight o'clock."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to President Bush's most recent physical, he
is the most physically fit president in American
history. ... He is in the 99th percentile for men from
the age of 55-59. Which works out perfect because Dick
Cheney's in the 1 percentile -- so together they make 100%.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Iran is considering delaying its nuclear weapons
program.  Iranian leaders are beginning to wonder why
they need nukes when they're already killing plenty of
Americans with these gas prices. - Jake Novak
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The government will be requiring new food labels that
are more specific.

Products will now be labeled, no fat, low fat, reduced
fat and fat, but great personality.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate.  You do nothing but
sleep for six months.  I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself
stupid. I could deal with that too.
If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the sizeof walnuts)
while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs.
I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.  If your cubs get out of
line, you swat them too.  I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup......I want to be a bear!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are two idiots who work down in a dark mine while
everyone else worked up in the light. 
One day the first idiot asked the other idiot "Why do we work
down here in the dark and everyone else works up in the light?" 
The second idiot replies, "I dunno, why?" 
"I'll go find out" said the first idiot. 
So the first idiot went up to the light and the first person he cam
to he asked, "Why do we work down in the dark while you
get to work up here in the light?" 
The guy said, "Because we have something called intelligence." 
"What's intelligence?" asked the idiot. 
 The guy went over to a wall and put his hand flat upon the
surface and said "Try and hit my hand." 
"You sure?" asked the idiot. 
"Just hit it" said the man. 
"Okay, but it's really gonna hurt" the idiot said, making a
fist with his hand and swinging it at the guy's hand. 
Just before the idiot hit the guy's hand, the guy took his
hand away and the idiot hit the wall instead. 
As the idiot was shaking off the pain, the guy said, "That's intelligence." 
So the first idiot went back down to his friend.  
The second idiot asked, "So, why do we have to work down
here in the dark and they get to work up there in the light?" 
"Because they have something called intelligence" explained the first idiot. 
"What's intelligence?" asked the second idiot. 
 The first idiot looked around but it was too dark to see a wall. 
 So he put his hand flat on his face, and said, "Try and hit my hand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and
told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed
loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.

When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the
boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?"

"My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to
laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop.

He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me - my father's in a fight. "
Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe!

After a while, the cop turns to the kid and says, "Okay, which one's your father."
The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ted just finished his training session at the local McDonald's. So he was a little nervous being behind the register for the first time. His first customer ordered a milkshake. "Ted," his manager said, "remember to say, 'Welcome to McDonald's' to each customer before they order."

His second customer ordered a cheeseburger. This time, the manager approached Ted again, and said, "Remember to ask each customer if they want fries with their order."

At this point a man came in wearing a ski mask, approached Ted at the register and pointed a gun in his face. "Give me all the money you got in that register kid!"

Ted took one look at his manager, thought to himself, and quickly said, "Would you like that for here or to go?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A pastor put together what he thought was a great sermon on heaven.  As
part of the theme, the pastor would occasionally shout, "Do you want to
go to heaven?" After awhile, the worshipers started getting into the
theme and nod their head in agreement.  To punctuate his sermon he would
occasionally shout, "Do you want to go to heaven? The congregation
eventually started responding with a resounding, "yes" in unison.
 
As the sermon continued, the preacher noticed one little old lady near
the front was sitting still and not responding. Several more times he
shouted, "Do you want to go to heaven?" Everyone else responded
excitedly, "yes."
 
After the sermon the preacher thought maybe he should talk to the lady
about her lack of enthusiasm.  As she came by to shake his hand on her
way out the door the preacher said, "I couldn't help but notice you
didn't say 'yes' when I asked everyone if they wanted to go to heaven.
Is there a problem?" The lady said, "No, as excited as you were getting
I was just afraid you were getting a bus load together to go today."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the days of the Old West, bar fights would often spill over
into the street and before anyone knew what happened, it was
a full-scale riot. In one such town, the Mayor wired the Texas
Rangers for help.  On the next train, a Ranger gets off and is
greeted by the astonished Mayor. "They only sent one Ranger ???"

The Ranger straightened his hat, brushed the dust from his coat,
and replied, "Y'all only got one riot, right?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five straight turkey dinners prompted Colorado county jail
inmates to go on a brief hunger strike.  The inmates refused to
eat yesterday, arguing that meals such as turkey chili mac, turkey
a la king, turkey stew and turkey sausage were unnecessarily cruel.

Sheriff's officials said the hunger strike ended after about half
an hour.

The inmates were promised spaghetti for the evening meal. They
weren't told it contained turkey-based meat sauce.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was walking across the parking lot at the store the other day
when a woman walked up to me and asked for directions to the post
office. I gladly gave her the best directions possible, and she
was grateful. Maybe a little too grateful. As she thanked me, it
was almost in the same breath that she began witnessing to me????¦
Asking if I knew the Lord:

Lady: Do you know the Lord?

Me: Not personally????¦

Lady: (cutting me off) Do you believe He is our one true
Savior? Will you dwell in the Lord's house in Heaven in your
afterlife?

Me: I'd like to think so.

Lady: Well, would you come to church with me this Sunday and let
me show you the road to eternal salvation and the gates of Heaven?

Me: No, I don't think so, thanks.

Lady: (taken aback) Well, why not?

Me: Lady, you can't even find the post office!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I often go to the park to read my paper on nice days. The urban
park that I favor attracts a number of street performers. One of
these, a Mime attracted my attention.

Every day he went through exactly the same routine. It didn't matter
who was watching or how the audience reacted, nothing could make
this guy vary his motions or break character. Finally my curiosity
got the better of me. I waited until he was leaving that night to
approach him and ask why he repeated the same routine over and
over. Nothing, he wouldn't break character or talk to me as he
walked out of the park and climbed into a car a lady was driving.

Finally, several weeks later I arrived at the park early. Just as I
arrived I spotted the Mime kissing his girl friend as he climbed
out of the car. In desperation I ran over to the ladies car before
she could pull out and asked her why her friend repeated the same
routine over and over.

She listened to my question and sadly shook her head. "I'm sorry,
...  but I'm afraid that I've just got a one track Mime."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In neurobiology lecture today, the professor mentioned that much of
the data we were seeing was culled from studies of leeches. He said,
"Now, a lot of you may think leeches are nasty creatures. The people
working with these creatures are quite fond of them, however. It
is also reported that the leeches often become attached to the
researchers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She said,
"Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified section,
though."

I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!"

She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells,
coffee grounds and a few orange peels."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was this burglar who broke into the AT&T consumer products
warehouse and was filling his bags with various telephones when he
heard police sirens getting nearer. He fled to a nearby music hall
where a concert was going on and hid among the horn sections. The
police wandered through but were unable to find him among the
musicians. He fit right in, having those Sacks O' Phones..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** Quickies
 ****
If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body,
then only left-handed people are in their right mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe,
send your request to:
mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

SUBSCRIBE TO:      
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**** HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID ****
Scaling Australia's highest mountain will soon become a more
civilized climb after the con- struction of the country's highest
toilet.

Dubbed the "Loo with a View," the all-weather toilet block is to
be built into the wind-swept side of Mount Kosciusko.

The "restroom", a 390 foot climb, will comprise of three unisex
stalls and one with wheelchair access.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Italian radio station is offering to pay motorists' traffic
fines in an attempt to attract new listeners.

Radio Blu says it will pay one listener's fine, no matter how hefty,
every month in a lucky draw.

Station boss Stefano De Gustine said, ''Usually radio stations give
away theatre or concert tickets and flashy T-shirts but nothing
that people really want.

''We wanted to run a new type of competition where the prize was
something truly dear to the hearts of our listeners.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


**** WEIRD HAPPENINS ****
A German man faces charges after his attempts to tackle a rat
problem ended in disaster when he accidentally shot his neighbor.

Juergen Metzler started shooting the rats from his back porch, but
had not noticed his elderly neigh- bor, 79, pruning her roses. One
of the bullets ricocheted off a stone and hit the woman in the
leg. She was taken to hospital where surgeons had to operate to
remove the bullet.

Metzler now faces grievous bodily harm charges.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inflatable Raft No Match For N.Y. Harbor

NEW YORK - Firefighters rescued two teens who tried to sail New
York Harbor on a 5-foot inflatable raft. The pair -- Edgar Reyn
and Nikita Suponya, both 17 -- set off Monday afternoon aboard
the raft, intending to paddle three miles from Staten Island to
Hoffman Island. However, currents pulled the raft into the path
of freighters, barges and other large ships. Someone on shore
called authorities and a fire department boat rescued the New York
teens. One rescue worker told the New York Post trying to sail New
York Harbor on an inflatable raft was like "riding a tricycle on
the Belt Parkway. Two kids on a Schwinn without a helmet."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EDWARDS, Colorado - A 14-year-old boy is in trouble after dressing
up as Batman and entering a home through an unlocked door. Eagle
County Sheriff's deputies responded to a call Friday night that
a person dressed as the fictional crime fighter had gone into a
home and passed a girl going up the stairs. She thought it was
her brother at first, but when "Batman" didn't answer her, she
screamed. The brother and father chased the superhero outside and
wrestled him to the ground until police came. "He believes he's on
a mission to help people get off drugs," Kim Andree, spokes- woman
for the sheriff's office, said. "He really believes he's helping. I
think the family is working on getting him some assistance."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

History Lesson


Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh? Send this to as many people as you can, cause:
Hey, this is one history lesson people don't mind reading

EDIE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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IT'S  FREE
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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Obese people neglected by some physicians  

DURHAM, N.C., - Obese people are less likely to receive  
health services such as mammograms, Pap smears and flu  
shots, a Duke University Medical Center study suggests.  
The study showed that, for a sample of white middle-aged  
women, as body mass index went up, the odds of receiving  
mammograms and Pap smears went down. In fact, a white  
woman of normal weight was more than 50 percent more  
likely to receive a mammogram than a severely obese white  
woman, researchers said. They also found a similar  
inverse correlation between obesity and flu shots among  
elderly white women and men. But no significant associa-  
tion was found between obesity and all three preventive  
services among black study participants. "Despite knowing  
obese women have a higher risk of breast and cervical  
cancer, and the obese elderly have a higher risk of com-  
plications from flu, obese people are less likely to  
receive clinical preventive services," said lead research-  
er Dr. Truls Ostbye, a professor of community and family  
medicine. The researchers suggest the significant causes  
may include social stigma and bias by health care pro-  
viders. The results of the Duke study appear in the  
September issue of the American Journal of Public Health.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Less exercise puts women at risk  

CHICAGO, -- A study involving 5,700 women suggests insuf-  
ficient exercise results in serious risk for heart  
problems and death. In a first-of-its-kind study, research-  
ers found women scoring less than 85 percent of their age-  
predicted exercise capacity on an exercise stress test have  
a two-times greater risk for serious heart problems and  
death. "The current American College of Cardiology (and)  
American Heart Association exercise guidelines and stan-  
dards are based on exclusively male data" said Dr. Martha  
Gulati, study author and preventive cardiologist at  
Chicago's Rush University Medical Center. "Women were be-  
ing measured on the same scale as men." But Gulati said  
her study indicates a woman and man of the same age, exer-  
cising the same amount, have a different age-predicted  
exercise capacity. She said her research provides women  
and clinicians with specific normative values and will  
likely be incorporated within the ACC/AHA guidelines.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

SHOTS FOR THOSE ALLERGIC TO STINGS  

Children who have had a systemic, serious allergic reaction  
to an insect sting should get venom immunotherapy or allergy  
shots. Dr. Rebecca Gruchalla, chief of the allergy division  
at the University of Texas Southwestern writes in an  
editorial in The New England Journal of Medicine that systemic  
allergic reactions go beyond swelling and pain and could  
include low blood pressure, tightness in the chest and swell-  
ing in the throat. "Claritin isn't going to be able to fix  
this," she says. "Severe reactions to stings and the  
stuffiness caused by ragweed are mediated by the same 'allergy  
antibody,' immunoglobulin E, but the clinical manifestations  
are very different. For those with a severe allergy, (a sting)  
could be deadly."  


**** ON THIS DAY ****

"One Kind Deed Leads to Another"

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.  He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
 
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him
a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?"
 
You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."
 
He said..... "Then I thank you from my heart."
 
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
 
Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
 
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
 
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room..
 
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.
 
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.
 
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
 
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge
and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.
 
Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words.....
 
"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
 
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
 
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."
 
There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place
 
And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"More Whipped Cream"
 
I have a new delightful friend,
I'm almost in awe of her;
When we first met I was impressed,
By her bizarre behavior.
 
That day I had a date with friends,
We met to have some lunch;
Ellie had come along with them,
All in all ... a pleasant bunch.
 
When the menus were presented,
We ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups;
Except for Ellie who circumvented,
And said, "Ice-cream, please. Two scoops."
 
I was not sure my ears heard right,
And the others were aghast;
"Along with heated apple pie,"
Ellie smiled, completely unabashed.
 
We tried to act quite nonchalant,
As if people did this all the time;
But when our orders were brought out,
I did not enjoy mine.
 
 I could not take my eyes off Ellie,
 As her pie ala-mode went down;
 The other ladies showed dismay,
 They ate their lunches, and they frowned.
 
 Well, the next time I went out to eat,
 I called and invited Ellie.
 My lunch contained white tuna meat,
 She ordered a parfait.
 
 I smiled when her dish I viewed,
 She asked if she amused me;
 I answered, "Yes, you do,
 And you also do confuse me."
 
"How come you order rich desserts
 When I feel I must be sensible?"
 She laughed and said, with wanton mirth,
"I am tasting all that's possible."
 
"I try to eat the food I need,
And do the things I should;
But life's so short, my friend, indeed,
I hate missing out on something good."
 
"This year I realized I was old," She grinned,
"I've not been this old before;
 So, before I die, I've got to try,
Those things for years I have ignored."
 
"I've not smelled all the flowers yet,
And too many books I have not read;
There's more fudge sundaes to woof down,
And kites to be flown overhead."
 
"There's many malls I have not shopped,
I've not laughed at all the jokes;
I've missed a lot of Broadway Hits,
And potato chips and cokes."
 
"I want to wade again in water,
And feel ocean spray upon my face;
Sit in a country church once more,
And thank God for His grace."
 
"I want peanut butter every day,
Spread on my morning toast;
 I want un-timed long-distance calls,
To the folks I love the most."
 
"I've not cried at all the movies yet,
 Nor walked in the morning rain;
 I need to feel wind in my hair,
 I want to fall in love again."
 
"So, if I choose to have dessert,
 Instead of having dinner;
 If I should die before nightfall,
You'd have to say I died a winner."
 
"That I missed out on nothing,
 That I had my heart's desire;
 That I had that final chocolate mousse,
 Before my life expired."
 
With that, I called the waitress over,
"I've changed my mind, it seems;"
I said, "I want what she is having,
Only add some more whipped-cream!"
Author Unknown

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!

 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies/HEY LOOK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Stewart savors Indy win

Johnson shaken up
Late-race wreck sends driver to precautionary hospital visit.
Dale Jr. dinged up again
Early wreck, last-place finish jolt Earnhardt's hopes for Chase.
Truex tramples Busch field
Beats Bower in green-white-checker finish for sixth win of year.

Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** BILL'S COUNTRY CALANDER ****

-8-

 

Charlie Stripling of the "Stripling Brothers" born Pickens County, AL 1896.

 

Herald Goodman of "The Vagabonds" born 1900.

 

Webb Pierce "The Wondering Boy" born West Monroe, LA 1921.

 

Mel Tillis, singer/songwriter/country comedy, born Pahokee, FL 1932.

 

Joe Tex, born "Joseph Arrington Jr." Baytown, TX 1933.

 

The Sons of the Pioneers recorded for the first time 1934.

 

Tommy Jennings, musician/brother of Waylon, born Littlefield, TX 1938.

 

Phillip Balsley of the "Statler Brothers," born Staunton, VA 1939.

 

Henry Strzelecki, session bassist, born Birmingham, AL 1939.

 

Jay David, drummer, born Union City, NJ 1942.

 

Michael Johnson, singer/songwriter, born Alamosa, CO 1944.

 

Curly Rhodes (bluegrass) and Mary Jackson were married 1948.

 

Jamie O'Hara born Toledo, OH 1950.

 

Johnny Cash recorded "All Over Again" & "Frankie's Man Johnny" 1958.

 

The Osborne Brothers joined the Grand Ole Opry 1964.

 

Mark Wills born Cleveland, TN 1973.

 

Hank Williams Jr. seriously injured in a fall on Montana's Ajax Mountain 1975.

 

K. T. Oslin's album "80's Ladies" debuted at No. 15 in 1987.

 

Faith Hill's album "Take Me As I Am" reached the two million mark in sales 1996.

 

The Dixie Chicks' "There's Your Trouble" became their first #1 in 1998.

 

Raven Records released Emmylou Harris' "Singin' With Emmylou, Vol. 2" 2003.

 

Vince Gill and Julie Roberts presented a concert on the grounds of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the morning of the running of the Brickyard 400 in 2004. The concert was held to raise awareness among highway drivers about seatbelt use and prevention of drunk driving.

 


Provided by Bill Morrison at www.rockabillyhall.com/billmorrison.html


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Sara Evans on 2 Tours

Sara Evans certainly has a very busy schedule. Evans is opening for not one, but two tours. Alan Jackson and Brad Paisley. Apparently the last tour with Sara Evans joining Brad Paisley, he is going to do it again. Paisley's "Time Well Wasted" tour also will feature Sugarland. The tour starts at the end of September and will run through mid-December. Jackson and Evans continues the tour with dates scheduled into mid-November.

Paisley's next album  hits stores August 16, 2005. No dates for new albums from Evans or Jackson, however Jackson next single is "USA Today" and Evans "A Real Fine Place to Start" continues for Evans.


Possible new Ronnie Milsap

Country music great Ronnie Milsap may be stepping back into the recording studio. A new album could be out this fall with all new material.

Milsap is most known for hits like "Pure Love," "Daydreams About Night Things," and many other #1 hits.


Elton John Sings Country with Catherine Britt

Yes, Elton John has recorded a song with newcomer Catherine Britt. The song is called "When We Both Say Goodbye" and is climbing up the charts. The song can be heard on Britt's website, and I must say it isn't bad at all. Check it out!


Johnny Cash
"The Legend"
The newest Johnny Cash boxset is now available. This is an absolute must for any Cash fan. This set includes the hits and full CD of duets with Cash. The set spans a time period from 1955-2002. The book inside the set also is of the highest class. Many great photos and detailed information.

This is a 4-CD set that has 104 songs, seven of which never released before.

Amazon Price: $37.99

Take A Look Now!


Faith Hill
"Fireflies"
Faith Hill is back with an album that has been publicized as a return to a more country sound. My question is what album were the individuals listening to that made those comments? I??™d love to hear it. What ???Fireflies??? is an attempt to please everyone and not creating an album that allows for a display of consistency. Notice the word attempt in the last sentence. That is because the attempt failed. Country music fans get the ???short end of the stick??? on this deal.

The problem I have with this album is this: Hill shows that she could produce an excellent country album. The first four songs of the album proves this. ???Dearly Beloved??? has a heavy Cajun country influence with Hill performs excellent. ???I Ain??™t Gonna Take it Anymore,??? ???Sunshine and Summertime??? and the lead single ???Mississippi Girl??? share in the power of country lyrical excellence. The country bug is alive and beating the firefly 4-0 at this point in the album.

The game isn??™t over until the final out is taken and the field clears of players.

The pop and adult contemporary sound comes back to life and quickly. The rest of this album just doesn??™t do a thing for me. Yes, I will say there is a lot of talent there. However, the country influence apparently got sucked out of Hill by the firefly that bit Hill.

There two problems with a lot of artists today...First, calling a pop/adult contemporary album country and second trying to please everyone and the almighty radio station markets. Hill has produced a textbook album of these problems.

To sum up the album very nicely, Final score: Firefly 10. Country bug 4.

Overall Grade: D

Amazon Price: $10.99


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  


"Salisbury Steak with Onion Gravy"

1 egg
1 can condensed French onion soup
1/2 cup dry bread crumbs
1/4 tsp. salt
pinch pepper
1-1/2 lbs. ultra-lean ground beef
1 tbsp. all-purpose flour
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup ketchup
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. dry mustard
 
In a large bowl, beat egg. Stir in 1/3 cup of soup, bread crumbs, salt and pepper. Add beef; mix gently. Shape into six oval patties.
Brown in a skillet over medium heat for about 5 minutes on each side. The meat doesn't have to be done, but should be approaching "rare" (they will cook a little more later on). Once they're done, remove and set aside; discard drippings.
In the skillet, combine the flour and water until the mixture is smooth; add the ketchup, worcestershire sauce, mustard and remaining soup, then bring it to a boil. Cook and stir for about 2 minutes, then return the patties to the skillet. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes, or until meat is no longer pink.
Serve the gravy over the patties, and enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Breaded Pork Chops"

1/2 cup milk
1 egg, lightly beaten
6 pork chops(1 inch thick)
1 1/2 cups crushed saltines
1/4 cup vegetable oil
 
In a shallow pan, combine milk and egg. Dip each pork chop in the mixture, then coat with cracker crumbs, patting to make a thick coating. Heat oil in a large skillet. Cook pork chops, uncovered, for about 8-10 minutes per side or until browned and no pink remains inside. Yield: 6 servings
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honey Mustard Pretzel Trio

Try this buttery, home-baked version

3 tablespoons Butter, melted
3 tablespoons prepared mustard
2 tablespoons honey
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
6 cups mini twists, sticks and/or nugget pretzels

Heat oven to 250?°F. Spray 15x10x1-inch baking pan with no stick
cooking spray. Combine butter, mustard, honey, Worcestershire
sauce and garlic powder in medium bowl; mix well. Add pretzels;
toss gently until well coated.

Place pretzels into prepared pan. Bake for 1 hour, stirring
every 15 minutes. Cool completely. Store in tightly covered
container.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Barbecued Beef Brisket

1 cup of white wine
3 cups of apple cider
1/4 up of honey
2 tablespoons of dijon mustard
1/4 cup of soy sauce
2 tablespoons of firmly packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon of minced garlic
1 tablespoon of minced fresh ginger root
1 tablespoon of whole coriander
2 sprigs of fresh thyme
1 - 2 1/2 lb. beef brisket

Combine the wine, cider, honey, mustard, soy sauce, brown sugar,
garlic, ginger root, coriander and thyme in Dutch oven or heavy
roasting pan. Add brisket, cover tightly and place in oven. Turn
oven to 350F and cook 1 hour. Remove brisket from cooking liquid,
cover and set aside. Let rest for 30 minutes and slice across grain.

 

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Is it possible to improve eyesight naturally?

While there's a lot written on the subject, most of the "articles" are selling products and should be taken with a grain of salt. We couldn't find any official medical studies supporting the idea that eyesight can be improved naturally. That said, your vision can get better -- it doesn't have to be a slow descent to bifocals. Perhaps the most effective way to help your vision is by reducing eyestrain. Long uninterrupted hours spent staring at a computer monitor, television, or book lock your eye muscles in position, causing them to tire.

You may want to consider re-arranging your workstation to position your monitor correctly, reduce poor lighting and glare, and make sure your posture is squared away ergonomically. It's also very important to take "vision breaks" -- glancing across the room or out the window every 15 minutes or so. Other suggestions include closing your eyes periodically, blinking a lot, and using artificial tears.


**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/

Weather Summary
A few pop ups Sunday thanks to an upper air disturbance from left field.
Main forecast issues will be precip and fog. Next few days similar.
Dewpoints will remain in the 60s so each afternoon into early evening
will bring a chance for scattered showers and isolated storms, though
nothing severe is expected. With loss of heating at night and abundant
moisture at low levels, look for patchy fog the next few mornings. A hot
week ahead. After rain chances Tuesday it will be next Sunday before a
return of any precip.
-Dan Reynolds

Weather Factoid
Fog frequency jumps up from Late August into September. More heat loss
at night plus humid air equals more foggy mornings.

Sunday Night
Partly Cloudy. Isolated Showers and Storms Early. Light Wind.
Low 67

Monday
Partly Cloudy and Hot. Isolated Afternoon and Early Evening Storms
Possible. Southeast Wind 5.
High 90

Monday Night
Partly Cloudy and Warm. Calm Wind.
Low 67

Tuesday
Partly Cloudy and Hot. Isolated Afternoon and Early Evening Storms
Possible. Southeast Wind 3-8.
High 91

Wednesday
Partly Cloudy.
High 92
Low 66

Thursday
Partly Cloudy.
High 90
Low 68

Friday
Partly Cloudy.
High 92
Low 70

Saturday
Partly Cloudy.
High 89
Low 69

Sunday
Partly Cloudy. Isolated Storms Possible.
High 88
Low 66


****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late

TOON TIME

Stop Drop Roll
http://www.buffaloschips.com/50243.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/50243.htm ">  Here!</a>

Nose Smasher
http://www.buffaloschips.com/50242.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/50242.htm ">  Here!</a>

Short Game
http://www.buffaloschips.com/50241.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/50241.htm ">  Here!</a>

Mouse Sentenced To Death...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/033.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/033.htm">AOL here</a>

If The Wheel Hadn't Been Invented...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/034.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/034.htm">AOL here</a>

LAST CALL Y'ALL

My husband is an Army helicopter pilot. and we never seem to
live in one place for very long. Typically, during a move, we
stay in a hotel until we can find a permanent place to have our
things delivered. Our four children enjoy this greatly, although
sometimes it can be a bit confusing for them. One recent day,
as we were driving down an interstate and passed a Holiday Inn,
our three-year-old squeaked in excitement from the backseat.

"Look," he exclaimed. "There's our old house!"


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