|
"Friends are God's way of taking care of
us."
These
are clean jokes. However,
They are
PG - Not intended for younger
readers - PG
Welcome New
Subscribers
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
CIERRA
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 10,2005
THOUGHT FOR
TODAY:It's true that gray hair makes you look
distinguished.It distinguishes you from the younger-looking
people.
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA
freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she
knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally
said,
"That was the decision George Washington had to make before he
crossed
the Delaware."
~~~~~~~~~Rita~~~~~~~~
It was the
first day of school, after summer vacations and time
for me to pick up the
children in my school bus and take them
home again. After I had made the
complete run that afternoon,
one little boy remained on the
bus.
Thinking he had simply missed his stop, I started driving
slowly
back through the neighborhood and asked him to be sure to let
me
know if any of the houses or people looked familiar. The boy sat
in his
seat contentedly and shook his head whenever I asked him
if he recognized a
person or place.
After the second unsuccessful tour of the area, I
started back to
the school to ask for his address. When we arrived, the child
got
off the bus and started walking away. "Wait!" I called. "We
have
to go inside and find out where you live."
"I live right there,"
he said, pointing to a house across the
street. "I just always wanted to ride
in a school bus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the egg hunt on
Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to
play a prank. He went to
the chicken coop and replaced every single egg
with a brightly colored
one.
Nothing happened on account of the
hens there. However, a few
minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the
colored eggs, then
stormed outside and killed the
peacock!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband reading a newspaper says to
his wife, "You
know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to
what
this article says, that the intelligence of a
father often proves a stumbling
block to the son."
"Well, thank heaven," said the wife, "at least
our
James has nothing standing in his
way."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our crew at an ambulance company works 24-hour shifts. The
sleeping
quarters consist of a large room with several single beds, so
we get to know
one another's habits, like who snores or talks in
his
sleep.
While I was having my
teeth examined by a dentist one day, he
noticed that some of my teeth were
chipped. "It looks like you clench
your jaw at night," he
said.
"No way," I blurted without
thinking. "No one has ever said I
grind my teeth, and I sleep with a
lot of people!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman who was worried about
her habit of biting her fingernails
down to the quick was advised by a
friend to take up yoga to ease her nervousness.
She did, and soon her fingernails
were growing normally.
One day her friend stopped her and noticing her long,
groomed nails --
asked her if yoga had totally
cured her nervousness.
"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails
so I bite them instead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teddy
came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's
annoyance. "Teddy," he
called, "how many more times have I got to tell
you to come downstairs
quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like
a civilized human
being."
There was a silence, and Teddy
reappeared in the front room.
"That's better," said his father, "now in
future will you always come
down stairs like
that."
"Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid
down the
railing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"West Virginia Redneck Fishin"
A West Virginia redneck was stopped by a game
warden
in Southern WV recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving
a
river well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a
license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These
here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the
river and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right
back into this ice chest and I take 'em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do
that!"
The redneck looked at the game warden for a
moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you. It really
works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The redneck poured the fish into the river and
stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to
him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the redneck.
"When are you going to call them
back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH!"
"What fish?"
We in West Virginia may not be as smart as some,
but we aren't as dumb as most.
~~~~~~~~~~~~EDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~
James
addressed the ball and took a magnificent swing but somehow,
something went
wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto
the adjoining fairway
and hit a man full force. He dropped! James and
his partner ran up to the
stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious,
with the ball between his
feet.
"Good heavens" exclaimed James, "what shall I do?"
"Don't
move him" said his partner, "if we leave him here he becomes an
immovable
obstruction and you can either play the ball as it lies or
drop it two club
lengths away."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow who works as a
pharmacist at a high traffic pharmacy tells
this one. He said technicians,
who don't always know the purpose
of the medicines they dispense, do most of
the processing. One
day last week, he says, there was a medicine making its
way to the
counter for a waiting customer. The tech didn't know the
medicine's
purpose was to help with erection problems. Seeing that the
customer
seemed to be growing impatient, the tech sought to placate
him
and reassured him, "Yours will be up in just a minute,
sir...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why are fish so
smart?
A.. Because they live in schools.
Q. How do ducks
celebrate the Fourth of July?
A.. With fire
quackers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dukes of Hazzard won the
weekend box office battle despite
bad reviews in every newspaper in the
country. Of course, the
critics made the fatal mistake of assuming
Dukes of Hazzard fans
could actually read the
newspaper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Darling," said the young man to
his new bride. "now that we are married,
do you think you will be able to
live on my modest income?"
"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she
answered.
"But what will you live on?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak
developed in
the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout
the cabin of the
747.
A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked
the
attendant,
"Has it been raining?"
Keeping a straight face,
the attendant replied,
"Yes, but we put the top up."
With a sigh
of relief, the passenger went back to
sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
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HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID ****
COLOMBIA - A wad of dough was
obviously not too hard for a Colombian man to swallow. Alejandro
Londono, 25, was arrested for money laundering at an airport in
the western city of Pereira after allegedly swallowing $40,000
and trying to smuggle it into the country. Apparently Londono
packed the cash inside fingers cut from latex surgical gloves,
each of which contained notes of eight denominations, and
swallowed them. HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**** WEIRD HAPPENINS
****
Get 'Em Before They're Corrupted! WALL
TOWNSHIP, NJ - Kyle Connor is perfectly willing to report
for
jury duty. But he'd have to ask his mom for a ride and
get his
teacher to excuse him from elementary school. Connor
is 8 years
old. What's even more bizarre is that this is the
second time he
has been asked to report for jury duty! The
first was when he
was 5. Court officials said Connor probably
was flagged *twice*
by computers that compile lists of potential
jurors and track,
among other things, recipients of dividend
and interest
payments. He was excused from appearing but Kyle
says, "I'd just
like to try it." &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
You can join The Funnies
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FREE
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**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Drug
switch helps breast-cancer patients
WASHINGTON, --
Postmenopausal women with early breast
cancer do better when
they switch from Tamoxifen to
another drug after two years of
treatment, a new study
found. It is the latest research to
suggest the benefits
of a new class of drugs in fighting breast
cancer.
Tamoxifen has been the leading breast-cancer
treatment
for two decades, but recent studies have shown
the
promise of a new class of drugs called aromatase
inhib-
itors. The study, by scientists in Germany and
Austria,
is in the new issue of the British journal The
Lancet.
The researchers looked at data on one of the new
drugs,
anastrozole, in two randomized trials in which
it
replaced Tamoxifen after two years in
postmenopausal
women with hormone-responsive early breast
cancer. The
study found a 40-percent decrease in the risk for
a
recurrence of cancer in the other breast or spreading
to
another part of the body. Sixty-seven of 1,618 women
on
anastrozole had such events, compared with 110 of
1,606
women who stayed on Tamoxifen. "Although further
inves-
tigation is necessary to ascertain the ideal
sequence
and duration ... this combined analysis confirms
that
post-menopausal women who receive Tamoxifen should
be
switched to anastrozole after two years of
treatment,"
Professor Raimund Jakesz of Vienna Medical
University
said in a statement. In a comment that accompanies
the
article, Anthony Howell of Christie Hospital in
Manchester, England, added, "The aromatase inhibitors
show
superiority over Tamoxifen when used immediately
after surgery
or after two to three years of Tamoxifen."
Last month a British
market-analysis firm predicted that
revenue from aromatase
inhibitors will nearly double in
the next decade. "The advent of
aromatase inhibitors
from AstraZenica, Novartis and Pfizer has
reignited
opportunities for treatment in breast cancer," said
Dr.
Richard Faint, of Datamonitor in London, which
conducted
the analysis. "Tamoxifen has been the gold standard
for
many years now, and it's very successful," Faint
told
United Press International, "but aromatase
inhibitors
are probably going to knock Tamoxifen off its perch
with
postmenopausal women with breast cancer." He said
he
expected Tamoxifen to remain a treatment
option.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hypnotic suggestion can override brain
NEW YORK,
-- A U.S. study that used hypnotic suggestion
found the brain
can override responses experts have long
assumed to be ingrained
and automatic, such as reading.
The study provides compelling
evidence that humans can
"unlearn" an automatic process and
points to hypnotic
suggestion as a powerful new tool for brain
research
generally. The study by Weill Cornell Medical
College
researchers focused on the Stroop Test -- a hallmark
of
attentional research that asks people to name the
ink
color a word is printed in. However, the test has
a
trick, the word "red" might be printed in green
ink,
which sets up a cognitive conflict within the
brain,
which is inclined to answer what it reads -- "Red",
even
though it knows the correct answer is "green." The
find-
ings are published in the Proceedings of the
National
Academy of
Sciences.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Acne patients to get online follow up
BOSTON, -- In
a study, dermatologists at two Boston hos-
pitals will treat
acne patients via the Internet using
digital camera photographs.
Acne patients who agree to
participate in the study will see a
dermatologist once
in an office and will then be randomly
assigned to office
follow-up or online and office follow-up, the
Boston
Globe reported Saturday. For Web visits, patients
will
log onto a secure Web site with a password, complete
a
questionnaire on their condition and e-mail it along
with
three photographs to their doctor. It's estimated the
on-
line follow up will take the patient 20 to 30
minutes.
The physician will have three business days to
evaluate
the patient's treatment and respond with feedback
and
instructions. The doctors at Massachusetts General
and
Brigham and Women's hospitals will treat only
acne
patients, because the condition is not
life-threatening.
Doctors in Boston and other cities are
experimenting
with online visits for a wide variety of
non-emergency
conditions.
**** ON THIS
DAY ****
Peter Jennings Tribute | Fran Maiers
http://www.wwwebsbysusie.com/FranMaiers/PeterJennings/
R.I.P.
Hunter Kelly
http://www.niagarafallsreporter.com/croisdale196.html
"The
Forgotten"
I carry a toothbrush with me everywhere. I've
never used it, it's just a reminder of a little girl.
One of our
partners in rural Arkansas delivered a care package, including toothbrushes, to
a family of seven living in a mobile home. When the package arrived one of
the little girls reached for the new toothbrushes that would be hers.
Tears made rivulets on her smudged cheeks as she cried. Our partner said,
"Did I do something wrong? Is it the wrong color?"
Silently
the little girl disappeared but soon returned, still clutching her toothbrush to
her chest, but now holding out a very old toothbrush that had been worn down to
the nubs.
"We've all been using this one," she said. I now
carry a toothbrush of my own to remind me of how much I take for
granted.
Rural Compassion is exploring a partnership to bring hope
to these destitute families. We truly believe that "Because God is... What
ought to be, can be."
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
****
These Are My Causes Please
Help
Organ and Tissue
Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people
you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies/HEY LOOK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS
****
Kurt Busch leaving Roush
|
Gordon making his move |
|
Notes: Driver's eight-place finish at Brickyard Sunday
big step. |
|
|
|
|
|
Teams willing to ride it out |
|
More teams waiting out contracts to get a marquee
driver. |
|
|
|
|
|
Tracy intrigued by NASCAR |
|
Champ Car driver tests car, considers taking on
challenge. |
|
|
City is up against four other cities for
NASCAR Hall of Fame.
IRL team owner stung by almost 200 bees at
ranch in Texas.
T. Labonte, Yeley, Hamlin team to drive No.
11 car rest of way.
Claim forms made available for fans after F1
team boycotts.
Penske team driver reportedly signs contract
extension.
Late-race wreck sends driver to precautionary
hospital visit.
-10-
Delia "Mom" Upchurch "Den Mother of Nashville Stars"
born Gainesboro, TN 1891. Mom ran a rooming "home" for Nashville's
financially challenged music community at 620 Boscobel Street, for over two
decades. The singers, songwriters, and musicians paid what they could afford for
their room. No one paid more than ten dollars a week. The lucky ones who got to
work the road never missed a call. Mom was the message taker, and coordinated
everyone's calendar. Mom died September 1, 1976. Mom and Tootsie Bess, of
Tootsie's Orchid Lounge fame, sustained many careers long enough for them to
blossom.
Louise Massey, singer/songwriter of "Louise Massey
& the Westerners" born Midland, TX 1902.
Leo Fender designed and manufactured the Telecaster
and Stratocaster guitars, born 1909.
Ernest Ray "Jim" Carter, "The Chuck Wagon Gang," born
Tioga, TX 1910.
Junior Samples (Hee Haw cast) born Buena Park, CA
1926.
Jimmy Martin born Sneedville, TN 1927.
Inducted IBMA Hall of Honor 1995.
Jimmy Dean born "Seth Ward," near Plainview TX
1928.
Jerry Crutchfield born Paducah, KY
1934.
Jerry Kennedy, born Shreveport, LA
1940.
Joni Mosby born
"Janice Irene Shields" in Van Nuys, CA 1940.
Jimmy Griffin, singer/songwriter/actor, born
Cincinnati, OH 1943.
Gene Johnson "Diamond Rio" born Jamestown, NY
1949.
Hank Williams recorded "Half As Much"
1951.
The Browns joined the Grand Ole Opry
1963.
Roy Acuff and the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band recorded
"Will The Circle Be Unbroken" 1971.
Dick Foran, singing cowboy/actor/son of a U. S.
Senator, died in Panorama City, CA 1979.
Lydia Salnikova of Bering Strait, vocals/keyboards,
born in Russia 1980.
Bill Mounce "Sons of the West" died 1984.
Vince Gill joined the Grand Ole Opry
1991.
David Rogers, age 57, died 1993. His recording
career produced 37 chart hits between
(1968-1984.)
Dixie Chick Martie Seidel married Gareth Maguire in
Hawaii in 2001.
The CMA announced that Porter Wagoner and Bill
Carlisle would be inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame
2002.
Friends and fans celebrated Buck Owens'
75th birthday at his Crystal Palace Steakhouse in Bakersfield,
California, 2004.
Faith Hill returned to the stage for the first time
in four years, for a four day engagement at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, NV
2004.
Provided by Bill Morrison at www.rockabillyhall.com/billmorrison.html
ON THIS DATE, COUNTRY MUSIC??™S TOP TUNES
WERE:
1945 Oklahoma Hills - Jack Guthrie
1953 Rub-A-Dub-Dub - Hank Thompson
1961 I Fall to Pieces - Patsy Cline
1969 All I Have to Offer You (Is Me) - Charley
Pride
1977 Rollin??™ with the Flow - Charlie Rich
1985 I??™m for Love - Hank Williams,
Jr.
**** COUNTRY MUSIC
NEWS ****
**** TODAY'S MUSIC ARTIST ****
Georgia Native Gets His First Hit With a Song From Big & Rich
Known as "the heart of Georgia" with a population of nearly 100,000
people, Macon wouldn't be what most would consider a hick town. In fact, it...
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
CHICKEN CACCITORE
:
6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 (28 ounce) jar spaghetti sauce
2 green bell pepper, seeded
and cubed
8 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced
1
onion, finely diced
2 tablespoons minced
garlic
Put the chicken in
the slow cooker. Top with the spaghetti
sauce, green bell
peppers, mushrooms, onion and garlic. Cook
on low for 7 to 9
hours. Serve!
Yield: 5 Servings
Calories 283, Protein 37g, Total Fat 5g, Sodium 742mg,
Cholesterol 82mg, Carbohydrates 21g, Fiber
4g
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
Why are the letters in the
English "alphabet" in the order that they are?
![]() The alphabet has often been described as an arbitrary collection of
symbols representing an arbitrary collection of sounds. Its order is equally
random. The origins of the earliest alphabets, which were probably created
around 4,000 years ago, are quite murky.
The earliest form of the
alphabet was invented by the Semitic peoples living in Egypt. This original
alphabet eventually gave rise to written Hebrew, Arabic, Greek, and the modern
Roman languages.
The alphabet developed much out of laziness. Early
pictograms required readers and writers to memorize hundreds of specific images
representing words and ideas. The alphabet, on the other hand, was a kind of
phonetic shorthand in which thirty basic sounds could be strung together to form
words.
Egyptian hieroglyphics used both pictograms and phonemes (symbols
that represent sounds). The first phonemes were based on pictograms -- for
example, the symbol representing house, or "beth" in spoken Semitic, eventually
became the letter "B."
So, while we can't give you an exact reason for
the order, we can give you one fun (if rather obvious) fact you may not have
realized -- the word "alphabet" comes from "alpha" and "beta," the first two
words in the Greek alphabet.
**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/
Weather Summary:
The heat and humidty
continue to be the weather story this week. Highs
on Wednesday will climb
into the mid 90`s and the heat index will hit
100. A cold front will drop
into far northern Indiana and Illinois but
still looks like it will remain
far enough north of here to keep storms
chances up north. This will also
keep the heat going for a few more days
as we get into the weekend. The
front should drop farther south into our
area by late in the weekend and
early next week and this will bring us
our best chances of showers and
storms.
-- Jesse Walker
Weather Factoid:
There have been 19
days so far this summer with 90 degrees or above.
Thta`s still a little
below normal but more 90+ days are ahead.
Tuesday Night
Fair and
Warm
Low 70
Wednesday
Partly Sunny, Heat Index To 100
High
94
Wednesday Night
Partly Cloudy
Low 68
Thursday
Partly Sunny
High 92
Low 68
Friday
Partly Sunny
High
92
Low 70
Saturday
Partly Sunny
High 92
Low 70
Sunday
Partly Sunny
High 88
Low 68
Monday
Showers
/ T-Storms
High 88
Low 68
Tuesday
Showers / T-Storms
High
87
Low 68
****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
TOON TIME
Stay Away Fro Back
Door
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LAST CALL
Y'ALL
Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a
new apartment. Steve had a
business commitment out of town that weekend and
so I and my three
brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the
furniture. The new
apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up
the three
flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen
put
them where they belonged.
Finally, we came to the large couch.
After hauling it up three flights
to the top of the stairs, we discovered it
would not go around the
corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into
the hall and turned
it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit.
Finally
all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the
side of the
building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and
over the railing
of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors
into the living
room. We all col- lapsed on the couch to catch our
breath and made a
pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch
into the apart- ment.
"The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will
have to figure out how to
get the couch out of there on his own. It will
be our little secret. He
will have to take a saw to it!"
As luck would have it, Steve found a
place he liked better about three
months later. It really was a busy
weekend at work, and none of us were
available to help move. We waited
eagerly to hear from Steve but there
was nothing. Finally, after
several days of waiting, I asked Steve,
"So, did you get everything moved
OK?"
"Sure," he replied.
"Did you run into any
problems?"
"No."
"Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up
the outside
of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it
out of
the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!"
Steve
looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots, the
legs
unscrew!"
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
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REMEMBER
THE
COLUMBIA & THE STS 107 CREW
NEVER FORGET 9-11
God Bless
America , Our Land , Forever May She
Stand
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