|
"Friends are God's way of taking care of
us."
These
are clean jokes. However,
They are
PG - Not intended for younger
readers - PG
Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a
sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help
Them
TUESDAY AUGUST 16,2005
THOUGHT FOR TODAY:
What's the usual tip?" a man growled when a college boy
delivered his
pizza.
"Well," the student replied, "this is my first
delivery, but the other
guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be
doing great."
"That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's
five dollars."
"Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college
fund."
"By the way, what are you studying?"
"Applied
psychology."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Female Golfing
Terms
Chipping - Time to get our nails done again.
Double
Bogie - "Casablanca" followed by "African Queen."
Fairway - Splitting the
bill when the girls go to lunch.
Greens - Lunch we eat when we'd really
love a cheeseburger.
Iron - What guys need to learn to do their own
shirts.
Rough - Getting a guy to understand, well, pretty much
anything.
Slice - "No thanks. . .just a sliver."
Water Hazard -
Giving the kids too much to drink before a road trip.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man
is driving home late one afternoon,
and he is driving well above the speed
limit.
He notices a police car with its red lights
on in his rear view
mirror. He thinks "I
can outrun this guy," so he floors it and
the
race is on. The cars are racing down the
highway -- 60, 70, 80,
90 miles per hour.
Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the
guy
figures "what the heck," and gives up.
He pulls over to the curb.
The
police officer gets out of his cruiser and
approaches the car. He leans
down and says,
"Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day,
and I just
want to go home. Give me a good
excuse and I'll let you go."
The
man thought for a moment and said... "Three
weeks ago, my wife ran off with a
police officer.
When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror,
I thought
that *YOU* were the officer and that
you were trying to bring her
back!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The controller who was working a busy
pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle,
usually to provide spacing
between aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know It costs us two thousand
dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand
dollars worth!"
~~~~~~~~~~~
Good News and Bad News For a
Pastor
Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad
News: You lost two of them in the swift current.
Good News: The Women's
Guild voted to send you a get-well card. Bad
News: The vote passed by
31-30.
Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way
you
wrote it. Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed
a
search committee to find somebody capable of filling the
position.
Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches
things
exactly the same way you do. Bad News: The choir mutinied.
Good
News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also
wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and
Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw
Massacre."
Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church
parking. Bad
News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your
parsonage.
Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three
weeks. Bad
News: You were on vacation.
Good News: Your biggest critic
just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of
your denomination.
Good News: The youth in your church come to your house
for a surprise
visit. Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are
armed with
toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your
house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Christine~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a business trip,
my father approached a
security checkpoint at the airport. The
National
Guard shift was rotating, and a guard, in full
uniform, was in
line in front of him.
As with everybody else, the soldier was
ordered
to go through the metal detector. So, as he did
so, he
handed his M-16 rifle to security
personnel along with other items such
as
handcuffs and a flashlight.
Still, the alarm sounded when he walked
through.
Further inspection revealed a little Swiss army
knife inside one
of his pockets.
"Sorry, Sir, but this item is prohibited,"
security
said to the soldier. Then, taking the
knife away, the airport worker
handed him back
the M-16.
~~~~~~~
I have finally found the perfect
retirement plan!!
My friend and I were on a cruise through the Western
Mediterranean
aboard a Princess Liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly
lady sitting
alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining
room. I
also noticed that all the Staff, Ships Officers, Waiters,
Busboys, etc.,
all seemed very familiar with this lady.
I asked our
Waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the
Line, but he said
he only knew that she had been on board for the last
four cruises, back to
back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped
to
say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on
this
ship for the last four cruises". She replied, "Yes, that's
true."
I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause,
"it's
cheaper than a nursing home".
So, there will be no Nursing Home
in my future. When I get old and
feeble, I am going to get on a
Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost
for a Nursing Home is $200 per
day. I have checked on reservations at
Princess and I can get a long
term discount and senior discount price of
$135 per day. That leaves
$65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day, and
the rest can be put
into the slot machines.
2. I will have as
many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the
restaurant, or I can have room
service (which means I can have breakfast
in bed every day of the
week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout
room, free
washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They
have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They
will even treat you like a customer, not a patient An extra $5
worth of
tips and your casino winnings will have the entire staff
scrambling to help
you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 to 14
days.
7 TV broken? Light bulb needs changing? Need to have
the mattress
replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and
apologize for your
inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels
every day, and you don't even have to ask
for them.
9. If you
fall in the Nursing Home and break a hip you are on Medicare;
if you fall and
break a hip on the Princess Ship they will upgrade you
to a suite for the
rest of your life.
10. And when you die, they just dump you over
the side at no
charge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Maril~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
Civil War soldier, who had lost his bayonet, whittled one from wood so
that
he could pass inspection. He hoped he would not be discovered until
the
regiment had gone into battle, where he planned to pick one up from
a dead
soldier.
At inspection, an officer asked to see his bayonet. The soldier
stated,
"Sir, I promised my father I would not unsheathe my bayonet
unless I
intended to kill someone with it."
The Officer insisted that
the soldier hand over the bayonet.
Taking it out, the soldier looked
skyward and said,
"May the Lord change my bayonet to wood for breaking my
vow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr bloomfield,
who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis, had a
waiting room full of
people when a little old lady, completely bent over
in half, shuffled in
slowly, leaning on her trusty cane.
When her turn came, she went into the
doctor's office slowly, and
amazingly, emerged within 5 minutes completely
erect with her head held
high.
A woman in the waiting room who had
witnessed all this, approaches the
little old lady and says,
:It's a
miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking
erect. What did
the doctor do?"
The little old lady smiles sweetly and says,
"He
gave me a longer cane."
~~~~~~~~~~~Jane~~~~~~~~
Two guys are walking
through the woods and come across this big deep
hole.
"Wow...that
looks deep." "Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and
see how deep it
is."
They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no
noise
"Geeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big
rocks
down there. Those should make a noise."
They pick up a couple
football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole
and wait... and wait.
Nothing.
They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look
on his
face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad
tie.
Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA
make
some noise."
The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and
heave it in. Not a sound
comes from the hole.
Suddenly, out of the
nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the
wind. It rushes toward the two
men, then right past them, running as
fast as its legs will carry it.
Suddenly it leaps in the air and into
the hole.
The two men are
astonished with what they've just seen... Then, out of
the woods comes a
farmer who spots the men and ambles over.
"Hey... have you two guys seen
my goat out here?"
"You bet we did! Craziest thing I've ever seen! It
came running like
crazy and just jumped into this hole!"
"Nah", says
the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was
chained to a
railroad tie."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Name calling"
A man was sued by a woman for
defamation of character.
She charged that he had called her a pig. They went
to
court, where he was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he
asked the judge, "This means I cain't
call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The
judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cain't call a pig 'Mrs.
Johnson'?"
the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call
a pig
Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man looked
directly at Mrs. Johnson and said,
"Good afternoon, Mrs.
Johnson."
~~~~~~~~Christine~~~~~~~~~~
An air force
officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if
he has ever done
anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy
of admittance to
heaven.
The officer flyboy replies," Yes, I once went into a bar with
four of my
pilot friends and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the
bar, so
being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to
leave
this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more
forcefully.
This time I slapped him across the face and told this Seabee to
stand
down."
St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked
when the pilot
did this great act.
The pilot replied, "About 5 minutes
ago! My friends should be here
shortly!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An
Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pul-
ling a
male buffalo with the other and says to the waiter,
"Want
coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure thing, coming right
up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. After
drinking
the coffee down in one gulp, the Indian turns and
blasts
the buffalo with the shotgun, then just walks out of
the
place!
The next morning the Indian
returns. He has his shotgun
in one hand, pulling another male
buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter, "Want
coffee!"
The waiter says,
"Whoa, mister! We're still cleaning up
your mess from yesterday.
What the heck is all this about,
anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for upper
management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave
mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who, What, or Where Am I?
I am
British.
I wear a bow tie.
Horses are of no use to me.
I
used to spend a lot of time just sitting around.
I will never return to
my former glory.
My first and last names rhyme.
I suffered major
injuries after a fall.
My mother is a goose.
Think you know
the answer? Scroll down & see. .
Look under Buggs
****
Quickies ****
I stayed
up all night to see where the sun went.
It finally dawned on
me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women claim that they never pursue a
man.
Well, by the same token, a mousetrap never pursues a mouse,
but
the end result is the same.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are only two
things a child will share willingly: communicable
diseases and his mother's
age..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American history teacher, lecturing the
class on the
Puritans, asked: "What sort of people were punished
in the
stocks?"
To which a small voice from
the back of the room responded:
"The small
investor."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do sharks use for
barbecuing?
A. Shark coal.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wasn't a pretty
child.
My parents and I walked out of a pet store and the alarms went
off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He died leaving
100 clocks.
His son is winding up the
estate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The stretch run has begun for baseball
teams hoping to make the
playoffs. This is the time of year the players need
to double the
amount of steroids they don't know they're taking (Alex
Kaseberg)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Congress
is on recess and Bush is on vacation -- the town is
empty. It's so lonely in
D.C. right now the NRA and the oil lobby
are just giving money to each other.
(Jay Leno)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gas prices topped three
dollars a gallon in some parts of the
U.S., proving that putting oil company
executives George Bush,
Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney in charge of the
country was the
best idea since New Coke. (Al
Frankin)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dow Jones fell when oil prices
hit sixty-four dollars per
barrel. We are a month away from observing
Gasover. That's when
an angel stops by the door of each home and takes the
first- born
child in exchange for a tank of unleaded regular. (Argus
Hamilton)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
President
Bush announced today that he is extending his five-week-
long vacation until
"at least October," because the brush on his
Crawford ranch was "out of
control," "all over the place," and
"posed a possible threat to national
security." (Tom
Burka)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Earlier today
President Bush signed a sweeping 1,000 page highway
bill. Officials got the
president to read all 1,000 pages by
calling it 'Harry Potter and the Highway
Bill.' (Conan
O'Brien)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
President Bush
said in his radio address this past Saturday he
will not be satisfied until
every American has a job. More bad
news for Britney Spears' husband. (Jay
Leno)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And while President Bush was
out of town Hillary Clinton stopped
by the White House on Friday for an
important meeting with her
decorator. (Jay Leno)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The
Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles has decided to remove all
the working clocks
from each of its license branches. Of course,
they already removed all the
working employees from those offices
years ago. (Jake
Novak)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Charlotte music store owner has been
arrested in connection
with the severe beating of a customer, Police say the
man was
brutally beaten with a guitar formerly owned by music legend
Bo
Diddley. The alleged assailant is being held on a charge of
assault
with a Diddley weapon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cop-killing
married couple who escaped from a Tennessee
courthouse were caught thanks to
a cab driver who didn't believe
their cover story. Of course, when the cabbie
first realized they
were really a pair of murderous criminals and not Amway
salespeople,
he was actually relieved. (Jake
Novak)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Space Shuttle Discovery landed
safely yesterday in California.
The landing was more than 24 hours late and
3,000 miles away from
its scheduled destination... but that's still better
than what
you usually get when you fly United! (Jake
Novak)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The New York City health
department is asking all city restaurants
to stop cooking with trans fats in
their kitchens; it's just not
that good for the rats. (Jake
Novak)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marilyn Monroe, in tapes released
Friday, said she loved Jack
Kennedy. He took steroids for his bad back. Now
that it's proven
steroids help you hit home runs, become president and
attract
gorgeous actresses, even congressmen will be taking them.
(Argus
Hamilton)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
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****
WEIRD HAPPENINS ****
On the eve of impeachment hearings
for Philippine president Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, the Akbayan party had a priest
come in and perform an exorcism on the House of Representatives in an effort to
drive away "demons out to hide the truth". Arroyo is accused of corruption and
fraud during the presidential election last year (d?©j? vu), and the Akbayan
party feels the exorcism will cleanse the house of Congress of demons out to
impede the proceedings. If someone did that here in the states, there wouldn't
be anyone left to attend??¦ - Philip C. Tubeza, Inquirer News Service
http://news.inq7.net/nation/index.php?index=1&story_id=46389~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viewers of a Fort Smith,
Arkansas cable access auction show thought they were seeing a joke??¦ It appeared
as if host Gary Spirito was being robbed on live TV. A man had entered the
broadcasting location with a gun, demanding Spirito's car keys. While many
viewers thought it was a joke, many believed what was going on and called 911.
The robber escaped empty-handed, but thanks to the tons of viewers, police were
able to catch the miscreant and his partner less than an hour later. In other
news, a late-nite Fort Smith, Arkansas cable access auction show actually has
viewers??¦ - IBS/KIRO TV
http://www.kirotv.com/irresistible/4822829/detail.html?treets=sea&tid=2656276525813&tml=sea_nots&tmi=sea_nots_1_01000208082005&ts=H
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
You can join The Funnies
IT'S
FREE
To subscribe, Click on link below
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**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D. D.V.M. ****
In the hospital for a week, I was hog-tied to a machine and
after three
days of using a basin and washcloth. i wanted to take a shower.
The
night before I was to have early morning surgery to implant a pacemaker,
I asked the nurse to check with my doc for permission and it was OK
with
him.
As I walked down the hall, I had a Nurse on each side. and when
one
asked, "Are you going to be able to manage OK?"
I couldn't resist
attempting to capitalize on the situation, and lied,
"I feel a little
weak and dizzy. Perhaps both of you would be kind
enough to get in the
shower with me."
The cute little blonde Nurse looked up, grinned and
said, "Nice try
****
HEALTH NEWS ****
Scientists develop prostate cancer
test
LONDON, -- Scientists from Britain's Institute of
Cancer
Research say they've developed a technique to
markedly
help in predicting the behavior of prostate cancer.
At
present, prostate cancer tests -- including needle
bi-
opsies and blood and urine samples -- are unable
to
accurately predict how aggressive the cancer is
and
whether it is likely to progress. That often results
in
thousands of men undergoing radical preventative
surgery
that might be unnecessary. Institute researchers
report
developing a simple and highly reliable technique
known
as the "Checkerboard Tissue Microarray Method,"
which
can be carried out on prostate cancer needle
biopsies.
The technique looks for multiple markers of
various
genes associated with prostate cancer, including
the
E2F3 gene. Over-expression of the E2F3 gene is a
marker
of how aggressive the prostate cancer will be.
Prostate
cancer is the most common cancer affecting men in
the
United Kingdom, where more than 30,000 men are
diagnosed
with the disease and nearly 10,000 men die from
the
disease annually. The institute is a college of
the
University of London. The study is detailed in
the
British Journal of
Cancer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Staph infections costly
to U.S. hospitals
CHICAGO, -- A Northwestern Memorial
Hospital study esti-
mates staph infections annually cause
12,000 deaths and
cost U.S. hospitals $9.5 billion.
Staphylococcus aureus
infections significantly increase costs,
length of
patient stays and mortality rates, a
Northwestern
Memorial Hospital researcher found in the most
comprehen-
sive study of its kind to date. Dr. Gary Noskin, an
in-
fectious diseases specialist and medical director
of
healthcare epidemiology and quality at
Northwestern
Memorial, examined two years of data from hundreds
of
hospitals. "S. aureus infections represent a
considerable
burden to U.S. hospitals, particularly among
high-risk
patient populations," said Noskin, the study's lead
author.
"The potential benefits to hospitals in terms of
reduced
use of resources and costs, as well as improved
outcomes,
from preventing S. aureus infections, are
significant."
He said such infections can be reduced by use of
anti-
biotics to prevent surgical site infections,
consistent
hand-washing and maximum barrier protections when
putting
in central lines. Noskin found S. aureus infection
was
listed as a discharge diagnosis in nearly 1 percent
of
all hospital stays, or an average of 292,045 stays in
a
year. The study is published in the journal Archives
of
Internal
Medicine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some vitamins slow cataract growth
BOSTON, -- Tufts
University researchers say long-term in-
take of vitamins B, E
and C may inhibit cataract develop-
ment. Age-related cataract
is the world's leading cause
of blindness but surgical
correction is currently the only
known option for intervention.
The researchers at the Jean
Mayer USDA Human Nutrition Research
Center on Aging at
Tufts University sought to determine if
prevention is pos-
sible. In one study, lead scientist Paul
Jacques, director
of the center's Nutritional Epidemiology
Program, and his
colleagues analyzed the diets and examined the
eyes of a
group of Boston-area women during a five-year
period.
Those reporting supplementing their diets with vitamin
E
for 10 years or more had significantly less progression
of
cataract development. Similar findings were seen
among
those reporting higher intakes of two B vitamins,
ribo-
flavin and thiamin. "Our results," said Jacques,
"suggest
vitamin supplementation, particularly long-term use
of
vitamin E, may slow cataract development." An earlier
study
indicated similar results for vitamin C. The study's
com-
plete findings appear in the American Journal of
Clinical
Nutrition.
**** HEADS UP FOLKS
****
These Are My Causes Please Help
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble
getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota
of
getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It
takes less than a minute
to go to their site and click on "feed an
animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange for advertising.
Here's the
web site! Pass it along to people you
know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies/HEY LOOK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS
****
Playoffs
on Gordon's mind
| Aikman, Staubach team up |
| Former Dallas QBs to field Nextel Cup entry for 2006
season. |
| Story |
![]() |
| Sea of fans for Stewart |
| NASCAR star's Indy win celebrated with hometown
parade. |
| Story |
![]() |
| Roush mulls Busch request |
| Car owner may still allow driver to get out of '06
contract early. |
| Story |
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**** BILL'S COUNTRY CALANDER
****
-16-
Paul Warmack, "Gully Jumpers," born Whites Creek, TN
1889.
Emory Martin, banjo, born Hickman County TN
1916.
Phyllis Brown born Chicago, IL
1930.
Patsy Montana recorded "I Want To Be A Cowboy's
Sweetheart," 1935.
Tandy Rice, Entertainment executive, born Franklin,
TN 1938.
Billy Joe Shaver born Corsicana, TX
1941.
Paul Wormack born
1945.
Danny Flowers, guitarist/songwriter, born Henderson,
NC 1948.
Elvis Presley appeared on The Steve Allen Show
1956.
Buck Owens released his single "Love's Gonna Live
Here/Getting Used To Losing You" 1963.
Merle Haggard's "Workin' Man Blues" went to #1 in
1969.
Capitol Records released Buck Owens' single "Rollin'
In My Sweet Baby's Arms" 1971.
Emile Robison "Dixie Chicks" born
1972.
Elvis Presley, age 42, died in Memphis, 1977. Inducted R&RHF 1986. CMHF
1998.
Ben Rosner RCA died
1985.
John Hurley died
1986.
Dierks Bentley's #1 single "What Was I Thinkin',"
debuted on Billboard's Top 40 Chart 2003.
Daryle Singletary took a few days off from touring
and married nurse Holly Mercer in 2003.
Willie Nelson, Johnny Bush, Kris Kristofferson, and
Lefty Frizzell inducted Texas Country Music Hall of Fame,
2003.
Provided by Bill Morrison at www.rockabillyhall.com/billmorrison.html
ON THIS DATE, COUNTRY MUSIC??™S TOP TUNES
WERE:
1951 Hey, Good Lookin??™ - Hank Williams
1959
Waterloo -
Stonewall Jackson
1967 I??™ll Never Find Another
You - Sonny James
1975 Wasted Days and Wasted Nights - Freddy
Fender
1983 He??™s a Heartache (Looking for a Place to
Happen) - Janie
Fricke
**** Amy's Kitchen
****
Hawaiian Popcorn Mix
3 cups Honey Graham
cereal
1 cup salted peanuts
1 cup raisins
1 cup dried banana chips
2 tablespoons butter or margarine
2 tablespoons honey
1/2 teaspoon
cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 cups popped popcorn
1 cup flaked
coconut
Heat oven to 300 degrees F. Mix cereal, peanuts,
raisins and banana
chips in jellyroll pan. Heat butter and honey in saucepan
over low
heat until margarine melts. Stir in cinnamon and salt. Pour over
cereal mix. Toss until evenly coated. Bake 10 minutes, stirring once.
Stir in popcorn and coconut. Sprinkle with additional salt if
desired.
Store in airtight container.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Homemade Fresh Salsa
1 (14.5 -
oz.) can diced tomatoes
1/4 cup rough chopped onion
3 Tblsp. canned diced
jalapenos
1 Tblsp. white vinegar
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp.
cumin
Combine all ingredients in food processor and process until nearly
pureed, yet still chunky. Pour into covered container and store in
fridge. Best if made at least an hour ahead of time to let flavors
develop. Stir well before serving.
I usually double the batch when I
make it and use fresh diced
tomatoes along with the canned. It makes the
salsa taste so fresh.
You can adjust the "heat" by selecting mild to hot
jalapenos.
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
What is the purpose of "hand-tossing" pizza
dough? What effect does it have on the finished pizza?
The
ancient art of the perfect toss does more than entertain wide- eyed pizzeria
patrons. In his discussion of the warp factor, astrophysicist Charles Liu
compares the shape of the Milky Way to an airborne disk of pizza dough, noting
that we toss dough for the same reason our galaxy spins: to get rid of the lumps
(or "warps," in the Milky Way's case), resulting in a smooth, thin, even circle.
And according to the American Institute of Baking, this thinner crust expands
more effectively in the oven.
However, while some restaurants claim
hand-tossing adds a level of authenticity to the pizza experience -- and draws
in customers -- most professional chefs seem more concerned with the earlier
step of kneading the dough. Gluten, a protein found in wheat that enables dough
to stretch and bend, is activated by kneading. If there's not enough air worked
into your pizza dough before you toss it, even the fanciest moves won't result
in a well-balanced, evenly baked, tasty pie. And as Dean Martin has told us time
and time again: That's amore.
**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/
Weather Summary:
A front south of here
will keep the chance of a few showers in teh
forecast Monday night and
Tuesday. By Wednesday we will be back to dry
weather but it will start to
warm back up with highs in the mid 80`s.
Thursday and Friday look very warm
with highs in the upper 80`s to
around 90. A cold front could bring some
storms by Saturday and then
cooler weatehr for early next week with highs
back to around 80 by next
Monday.
-- Jesse Walker
Weather
Factoid:
Venus will be a beautiful white "evening star" low in the western
sky
after sunset during all of August. Easily visible above the western
horizon, it will reach its highest elevation on Aug. 17 and set more
than an hour after the sun.
Monday Night
Few Showers
Low 66
Tuesday
40% Chance of Storms
High 82
Tuesday Night
Partly Cloudy
Low 65
Wednesday
Partly Sunny
HIgh 85
Low
65
Thursady
Partly Sunny
HIgh 87
Low 68
Friday
Partly Sunny
HIgh 90
Low 68
Saturday
Showers /
T-Storms
High 88
Low 68
Sunday
Partly Sunny
HIgh 85
Low
65
Monday
Partly Sunny
HIgh 80
Low 63
****A PARTING THOUGHT
****
TOON
TIME
Keyboard Buttons
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LAST CALL Y'ALL
For The
Birds
Eagles mate for life. We happened to have a very near-sighted eagle
that
we let out of the refuge to go look for a mate.
-
He found a Dove
and brought it back to his nest and they make love. It
was fantastic sex, but
all night long this dove cooed "I'm a dove, let's
make love. I'm a dove,
let's make love." Well the eagle just couldn't
take this for the rest of his
life so in the morning he kicks her out of
his nest.
-
Then on the
next day he's on the quest of another mate, and runs into a
wren. He takes
her back to his nest and makes love to her. Again
fantastic sex but all night
long this wren says "I'm a wren let's do it
again. I'm a wren let's do it
again."
-
Well the eagle was getting really irritated so next morning he
kicks her
out of the nest.......Being very cautious he goes out to look
for
another mate.....He finds the perfect mate:::::a Duck. So again he
takes
her to his nest and makes love to her. -
-
You'll never guess
what this duck said all night long...???
-
-
-
-
-
"I'm a
drake you made a mistake. I'm a drake you made a mistake"
A.I'm Humpty Dumpty!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
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COLUMBIA & THE STS 107 CREW
NEVER FORGET 9-11
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