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Subject: The Daily Funnies - August18, 2005

From Carlisle ,Indiana
Welcome to
The Almost Daily Funnies

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."
These are clean jokes. However,
They are
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG

Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them

THURSDAY AUGUST 18,2005

THOUGHT FOR TODAY:Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit
and allows you to do things.Things that would get your brass thrown in jail if
you really tried them.

***********
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts?

I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood! Air bag's? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes.

Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze, cough or splutter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BABS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study to determine why married women
love Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that
"Won Ton" spelled backwards is: "Not Now!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on
Vickie??™s door who was not happy to see them. She told them
in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their
message, and slammed the door in their faces.

To Vickies??™ surprise, however, the door did not close and,
in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her
back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result
the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot
in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would
teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before
you do that again you need to move your cat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to
say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother.
"You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..."
Here he paused, a pause that grew in length.

"That you can't return!" his mother-in-law completed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OFFICE SIGN

"In case of fire, leave the building with the same
reckless abandon that you do at quitting time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of
all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day I
found my wife staring at the mess. "I hope I die
first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed.

"Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go
first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the
men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a
replacement for me."

Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. He wouldn't be my type."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because of our mountains, we have rivers. The oldest river in the Western Hemisphere, the New River (quite appropriately named, don't you think) ends in West Virginia. We have the Gauley River, which confluence's with the New River in a magnificent cascade to form the Kanawha River, which in turn flows through the center of the State, and directly through the capital city of Charleston, the largest city in West Virginia. These rivers in addition to the Cheat, Blackwater, Tygart, Monongahela, Ohio and countless others offer tremendous recreational opportunities.

The tallest building in Charleston is barely 25 floors tall! which, if you think about it, is a plus; how could you possibly build a skyscraper more beautiful than a mountain?

The capital city stretches throughout the long river valley encompassing both hill and dale.

The Charleston airport, the largest i n the State, sits on top of a mountain. The crime rate in Charleston, including the entire population of the Kanawha Valley (around 200,000), reflects that of the entire State, the lowest in America. No more than a handful of murders are committed each year.

Charleston has no subway systems, but, truth be known, you can get from one end of town to the other, even in rush hour traffic, in less than ten minutes.

There are three major interstate systems going through Charleston, the smallest city in Ameri! ca to make such a claim.

The entire State has six different interstate systems, meaning, from Charleston, you can reach Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, Louisville or Charlotte in four hours or less....Ah, but once you leave the interstates, the drive becomes a thing of wonder. Two lane roads, winding up and down the mountains, ! offer amazing views and historic places, small towns, poor in wealth but rich in history.

West Virginia is the birthplace of Mother's Day, in Grafton; and Father's Day, in Fairmont.

We have the oldest covered bridge still in use. We have walnut festivals, strawberry festivals, apple festivals and pumpkin festivals and buckwheat festivals, and arts and crafts fairs and stern wheel regattas and! ramp dinners.

We have Bridge Day, on the New River Gorge Bridge over 800 feet above the New River; the only standing structure in the United States that, one day a year, allows parachuting and bungee jumping.

We have college basketball, and minor league baseball and hockey, and, just like all of America, Friday night high school football.

We have white water rafting, and skiing, and hiking, and caves, and waterfalls, and camping in every direction. We have Sundays where a leisurely drive in the car can take eight hours, and only cover 100 miles.

We have bed and breakfasts, and resorts, and golf courses, and museums, and the Greenbrier Hotel. West Virginia has more natural beauty and wonder ! ;> > than any person could ever imagine.

We have all of this, and yet .... our greatest asset is our people. West Virginians are good people. We care about each other. We talk to our neighbors over the backyard fence.

We grow tomatoes for the entire neighborhood. We turn around in each other's driveways, and yell "howdy" when we do.

We sit on the porch on warm summer evenings, listening to crickets, and watching kids catch fireflies.

We loan a hammer, or a cup of sugar. We don't take two-hour lunches, but we do spend a few minutes each day with a cup of coffee, and our feet up on our desk, shooting the breeze.

We rarely get in a hurry. We have relatives just down the street. We ! > don't just loan someone a socket wrench, we help them fix their car. We share recipes, and gardening tips, and our last cup of coffee. We baby-si t each other's kid, we house-sit each other's dog while we're on vacation, and we loan each other our cars if we have to get to the drugstore.

We ask each other if we need anything as we're going to the market.

We celebrate each other's accomplishments, and we cry over each other's disappointments.

We are a friendly folk. We are West Virginians.

Mountaineers are always free! Free to take the time to enjoy life, and hold each moment in our hearts, forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~EDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife was writing a friend of hers an email. "Honey," she
called out, "when a woman is left standing at the altar it's
called a gilting. What is it called when that happens to a
man?"

I called back, "Paroled."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Golf"
A golfer swung his club and hooked the shot over the fence
and down a road where the ball crashed through the wind-
shield of an oncoming car.

The startled driver lost control of his vehicle, whereupon
it spun into a parking lot and bounced off three cars.

Racing over to the crash scene, he was relieved to find that
no one was hurt.

Have you any idea what this is going to cost?" the angry
driver demanded.

The golfer hung his head. "Four strokes", he replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHRISTIAN HUMOUR

1. There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old
family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there
anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

========

2. "Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in
the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
"Good Lord, it's morning."

========

3. A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city
because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled
the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment.
Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with
this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a
ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

========

4. There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to
his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets."

========

5. While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish
carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor,
because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient
vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** Quickies ****
The airlines are working much harder to deal with the problem of lost luggage. This morning I saw a picture of my suitcase on a milk carton.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't worry; the only person to ever get their work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The science teacher asked the class of young students, "What did Mrs Edison say to her husband Thomas after one of his discoveries?"
Replied a student, "I don't care what you invented, I can't sleep with that light on."
~~~
Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction or a link to Al Qaeda, but Iran, as it turns out, does have weapons of mass destruction and a link to Al Qaeda. So when you think about it, we were only off by one letter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men were talking about golf. One of them said, "I shoot in the 70's." The other replied, "That's great!" The first one said, "Yeah, if it gets any cooler than that, I go to the clubhouse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Shirley's ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

SUBSCRIBE TO:
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**** WEIRD HAPPENINS ****
Rapper and entrepreneur Sean "P-Diddy" Combs ??“ AKA "Puff Daddy" ??“ AKA "Sean 'Puffy' Combs ??“ has decided to change his name once again... This time to just plain old "Diddy." The 35-year old star admits that all constant name changing is confusing, and he's even starting to confuse himself with it all. You know what confuses me? The fact that anyone actually gives a crap??¦ - BBC

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4157016.stm

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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

Study may help treat spinal cord injuries

CHICAGO, -- Findings from a University of Chicago study
might help physicians restore function to people with
paralyzing spinal cord injuries. Researchers say the same
family of chemical signals that attracts developing sensory
nerves up the spinal cord toward the brain serves to repel
motor nerves, sending them down the cord and away from the
brain. Previously, researchers reported a gradient of bio-
chemical signals known as the Wnt proteins acted as a guide
for sensory nerves. These nerves have a receptor on the
tips of their growth cones, known as Frizzled3, which re-
sponds to Wnts. In the latest study, researchers show the
nerves growing in the opposite direction are driven down
the cord, away from the brain, under the guidance of a
receptor, known as Ryk, which sees Wnts as repulsive
signals. "This is remarkable example of the efficiency of
nature," said Yimin Zou, assistant professor of neurobiology,
pharmacology and physiology. "The nervous system is using a
similar set of chemical signals to regulate axon traffic in
both directions along the length of the spinal cord." The
report appears in the September issue of Nature Neuroscience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        Protein may predict prostate cancer growth

WASHINGTON, -- Testing for an activated Stat5 protein in
prostate tumors predicts whether the cancer will become
more aggressive and life threatening, U.S. researchers
say. Scientists at the Lombardi Comprehensive Cancer
Center at Georgetown University in Washington said "Stat5"
protein in the nucleus of prostate cancer cells is a
significant predictor of which patients would develop a
worrisome recurrence years after their prostate cancer was
initially treated. Stat5 is a protein that, when activated,
signals cancer cells to continually grow and survive. The
study investigated prostate cancer biopsies or prostate
cancer tissues obtained by surgery from 357 prostate cancer
patients, and matched active Stat5 levels with outcome.
Given further validation, the researchers say their find-
ings offer hope that a "biomarker" can be developed to help
oncologists and urologists to identify patients that are
more likely to have a recurring or eventually life-threat-
ening prostate cancer. The study is detailed in the current
issue of the journal Clinical Cancer Research.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Study is good news to radiation recipients

DURHAM, N.C., -- A Duke University study published in the
August issue of Cancer Cell may bring good news for cancer
patients who undergo radiation therapy each year. Duke
University Medical Center scientists say they now have a
better understanding of the complex affects of radiation
on tumor biology and that specific radiation treatment
regimens may enhance the effectiveness of radiotherapy,
even in difficult to treat tumors. In an earlier study, Dr.
Mark Dewhirst and his Duke colleagues reported radiation
treatment increases hypoxia-inducible factor-1 levels in
tumors and elevated HIF-1 can promote the resistance of
tumors to radiation because it has a protective effect on
tumor blood vessels. Now Dewhirst and his team say block-
ing HIF-1 also affects multiple aspects of tumor biology
in a manner that depends strongly on the local environment
of the tumor cells. For proximal tumor cells close to blood
vessels and, well oxygenated, HIF-1 is unlikely to be
activated, and its inhibition will probably not have any
effect. However, for distal tumor cells that are both
oxygen starved and lacking access to nutrients because
they are farther away from the tumor vasculature, HIF-1
inhibition may actually lead to significant resistance to
radiation treatment.

**** ON THIS DAY ****

"LORD, SHRINK MY BODY OR STRETCH MY CLOTHES"

Lord, shrink my body or stretch my clothes.
I've gained more weight and heaven knows
I've tried on everything I own
And can't believe how much I've grown.

Lord, shrink my body or stretch my clothes.
I can't pull up these brand new hose.
Where did I get this extra weight?
Is being fat my awful fate?

Lord, shrink my body or stretch my clothes.
I bend and just can't reach my toes.
You know that I'd be filled with glee
If you could melt some pounds off me.

Lord, shrink my body or stretch my clothes.
This dress right here is one I chose
To wear to church last Sunday night;
It must have shrunk and I'm a sight

Lord, shrink my body or stretch my clothes.
I know the answer, I suppose.
To you my problems I can bring,
But melting FAT is not Your thing.
~~~~~~Mariane Holbrook~~~~~~~

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies/HEY LOOK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

Moving on to Michigan

New turns in NASCAR deals

Agents' influence changes the face of team-driver negotiations.

Story

Violation by George

IRL founder's pro series team penalized for exhaust infraction.

Story

Crash kills sprint-car vet

Kevin Doty, 43, suffers fatal head injuries at Wisconsin track.

Story

Stewart bump draws fine

Sunday's Nextel Cup winner is put on probation as well.

The Foyt Files

Chevrolet engine gives A.J. IV a top-10 boost at Kentucky.

Kyle Busch fined for late hit

Notes: No. 5 driver docked $10K, put on probation for rest of year.

Atlanta revs its engines

Hopes to win race for NASCAR Hall of Fame.

Aikman, Staubach team up

Former Dallas QBs to field Nextel Cup entry for 2006 season.

Sea of fans for Stewart

NASCAR star's Indy win celebrated with hometown parade.

Playoffs on Gordon's mind

Four-time champ visualizes goals for meeting Chase eligibility.

Roush mulls Busch request

Car owner may still allow driver to get out of '06 contract early.

Kraig Kinser sprints to win

Next-generation driver leads wire to wire at Knoxville Nationals.

Subscribe Today: Home Delivery of USA TODAY - Save 35%

**** BILL'S COUNTRY CALANDER ****
18-

Hank Penny, born "Herbert Clayton Penny," Birmingham, AL 1918.

Ray Cash married Carrie Rivers in 1920. Son J. R. "Johnny," would become their fourth, of seven children.

Allen Reynolds, record company executive/songwriter/producer, born Little Rock, AR 1938.

Molly Bee born "Molly Beachboard" Oklahoma City, OK 1939.

Johnny Preston born 1939.

Huelyn Duvall born Garner, TX 1939.

Bryan Bowers, Bluegrass/Autoharp, born Yorktown, VA 1940.

Hank Williams topped the charts with "Hey Good Lookin' 1951.

Seven days after being fired from the Opry, at the exact time he should have been singing at the Ryman, Hank Williams was arrested for being drunk & disorderly in Alexander City, AL 1952.

Jody Maphis, "Earl Scruggs Revue," born 1954.

LaDonna Gayle Gatlin, sister of the Gatlin Brothers, born Abilene, TX 1954.

Steve Wilkinson of "The Wilkinson's" born Belleville, Ontario, Canada 1955.

Marty Robbins released "Singin' The Blues," 1956.

Jimmy Dean recorded "Big Bad John" 1961. The record went to #1 on the Pop, and Country charts.

Bobby Bare's single "Shame On Me" debuted on the Billboard Top 40 Chart 1962.

The Louvin Brothers played their last show, as a duo in Watseka, IL 1963.

Jerry Jeff Walker recorded his album "Viva Tarlingua" Live in Luckenbach, TX 1973.

Elvis Presley was buried beside his mother's grave in Forest Hill Cemetery, Memphis, Tennessee in 1977. Both bodies would be moved to Graceland later, after an attempt to steal Elvis' body from his grave. Attending the private ceremony at Graceland were Caroline Kennedy, Ann Margret, Burt Reynolds, John Wayne along with friends and family.

Columbia/Legacy released "The Essential Gene Autry" 1992.

Blue Hat released Fiddle Fire: 25 Years of the Charlie Daniels Band" 1998.

Curb released Junior Brown's "The Long Walk Back" 1998.

Vince Gill celebrated his 10^th anniversary as a member the Grand Ole Opry, while hosting his portion of the show 2001.

The Grand Ole Opry TV broadcast moved from TNN to CMT 2001.

Provided by Bill Morrison at www.rockabillyhall.com/billmorrison.html

ON THIS DATE, COUNTRY MUSIC??™S TOP TUNES WERE:

1945 Oklahoma Hills - Jack Guthrie

1953 Rub-A-Dub-Dub - Hank Thompson

1961 I Fall to Pieces - Patsy Cline

1969 Workin??™ Man Blues - Merle Haggard

1977 Rollin??™ with the Flow - Charlie Rich

1985 Highwayman - Waylon Jennings/Willie Nelson/
Johnny Cash/ Kris Kristofferson

**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****

Aug. 17, 2005: Fiddle player Vassar Clements, 78, died Tuesday at his daughter's home in thte Nashville area after a long battle with lung cancer. Clements released numerous albums along with playing with many bands - from bluegrass in Bill Monroe's band to rock and the Grateful Dead - during his five-decades long career.
Clements played seven instruments - violin, viola, cello, bass, mandolin, guitar and tenor banjo.
Clements' association with Bill Monroe began when he was only 14 years old and still in school. He became a regular Bluegrass Boy in 1949 and was with him through 1956. From 1957 to 1961, he performed with bluegrass giants Jim & Jesse McReynolds. In 1962, he took leave from his music to pursue other interests, but returned to full time music when he decided to make Nashville his home in January 1967.
Clements did recording sessions and played tenor banjo in Nashville 's "Dixieland Landing" club until October 1969. He then started touring with Faron Young and doing occasional solo dates.
In 1971, he joined John Hartford and his Dobrolic Plectral Society. After 10 months, and earning much recognition and popularity, the group decided to disband.
Next stop for Clments was with Earl Scruggs and the Earl Scruggs Revue.
Clements also participated in the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's 1972 landmark album 'Will The Circle Be Unbroken," which featured country, bluegrass and folk musicians. The recording introduced Clements to a younger non-country audience.
Soon, Clements was recording and/or performing with Dicky Betts, Jerry Garcia, The Grateful Dead, The Allman Brothers, Linda Ronstadt, The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, David Grisman and Paul McCartney.
In May 1973, the "Old & In The Way" album was recorded in San Francisco during a live performance.
Since 1973, when Clements signed his first major label deal with Mercury/Polygram records, his personal discography totals 27 albums ranging from country, waltzes, swing and jazz. In 1992, he recorded his only straight bluegrass recording for Rounder Records entitled "Grass Routes."

* * * * * * *

Aug. 16, 2005: Bluegrass star Rhonda Vincent was forced to cancel some concerts due to recent abdominal surgery.
Herb Sandker, Vincent's manager and husband, said, "We are all concerned that Rhonda follow her doctor's orders and receive the appropriate rest and recuperation time." "I'm feeling stronger everyday, but I do understand that I need this time to fully recuperate. I'm determined to regain my strength and energy to be able bring the best possible show to my fans as I return to the road," stated Vincent.
Sandker said Vincent would honor her commitment to appear with Ricky Skaggs, to announce the IBMA (International Bluegrass Music Association) Nominees at the Country Music Hall of Fame, in Nashville Aug. 30.
Vincent's first concert back will be Aug. 31 in Phillipi, West Va.
Per her doctor's demands, Vincent has been restricted from flying cross country, forcing her management to cancel performances in California on Sept. 1-2.
The previously announced "Rhonda's Ragin' Christmas Tour" was also cancelled to allow Vincent to fully recover before beginning the 2006 touring season.
The exact nature of the surgery was not disclosed, nor when it happened.
Dolly Parton paid a visit to Vincent in her Missouri home. "Words cannot describe this generous gesture of pure love and friendship," said Vincent.

* * * * * * *

Aug. 16, 2005: Ricky Skaggs and Alison Krauss will host the most important event in bluegrass, the IBMAs, in late October.
The pair will share duties at the 16th Annual International Bluegrass Music Awards Show being held for the first time at the historic Ryman Auditorium in Nashville on Thursday, Oct. 27.
The broadcast production of the Awards Show will begin at 8 p.m. central and will feature live performances, the announcement of recipients in 17 categories and 2 inductions into the Bluegrass Hall of Honor.

* * * * * * *

Aug. 15, 2005: Aaron Lines is not waiting to be wonderful on BNA any more. Lines said in a statement released on his web site that he has left the label after one album with a second recorded, but never released.
Lines had a hit on his first major label disc in 2002 with "You Can't Hide Beautiful," but was not able to duplicate that success again.
"I wanted to let you know that I have parted ways with BNA records," said Lines on his web site. "We are looking at some other options now and are still hopeful that we can get this CD out in the Fall but as you can imagine, this is a complicated process. The good news is that we are very optimistic about what the future holds."
"I am so grateful to have the support you have shown over the last few years. Its been a long road since those early days but we still have a long way to go...and the best part of the journey is still ahead. I can't wait for you to hear what we've been up to...Hopefully that will be soon."
Lines was slated to release "Waitin' on the Wonderful" Sept. 20, an album tht had been already delayed.

* * * * * * *

Aug. 15, 2005: Keith Urban's "Be Here" album went double platinum, marking sales of over 2 million albums, according to the RIAA.
Urban's third studio recording debuted at number 1 on Billboard's Country Album Chart in September 2004 and was awarded "Album of the Year" at the 2005 ACM Awards. The first single, "Days Go By," went number one, and the song's video was "Video of the Year" at the 2005 CMT Music Awards. Urban's last single, "Making Memories Of Us," was Urban's sixth number one, a position he held on Billboard's chart for five straight weeks.
"Jeez, we just finished taking down all the decorations from the platinum party! 'Golden Road' is close to triple platinum. So many parties, not enough time!" said Mike Dungan, CEO and president of Capitol Records Nashville. "This career gets bigger by the millisecond...looking forward, I think it's safe to say that 'we ain't seen nothin' yet.'"

* * * * * * *

**** Amy's Kitchen ****

"Batter Fried Cod"

Batter:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 bottle Mexican beer
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp chile powder
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp Mexican oregano
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1/2 tsp baking powder

Fish:

3 cups vegetable oil
1 lb cod fillet cut in 5" fingers

Garnish:

salsa
1/4 lb Pepper jack cheese -- grated
1 lime -- sliced

For Batter:

Mix all ingredients together and let rest for 30 minutes.

For Fish:

Heat oil to 350 degrees F in deep fryer.
Set up dredging station.
Dred
ge fish in flour, then beer batter.
With tongs, carefully lay battered fish into hot oil.
Cook until crispy and golden brown.
Drain on paper towels.

Place on a bed of rice and then garnish with
some sour cream, shredded cheese, salsa
and lime slices.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MILLIONS OF MEATBALLS

12-ounces tomato sauce
1 ?? cups dry bread crumbs
4 eggs, lightly beaten
?? cup onion, finely chopped
?? cup green pepper, finely chopped
1 teaspoons salt, optional
1/8 teaspoon dried thyme, crushed
1/8 teaspoon dried marjoram, crushed
4 pounds ground beef

In a large mixing bowl, combine first eight ingredients. Add ground beef
and mix well. Shape into meatballs (use a small cookie scoop if
available) and place on broiler pan so grease can drain while cooking.
Bake uncovered in 350 degree oven for 30 mins Divide into meal-sized
portions. To prevent from freezing into a solid meatball-mass, freeze
individually on cookie sheets and then place in freezer bags. Label and
freeze. To serve meatballs, thaw completely, and reheat with your choice
of sauces.
~~~~~~~~~
SWEET-N-SOUR MEATBALLS

1 (14-oz) can pineapple tidbits or chunks, undrained
?? cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
?? cup water
?? cup cider vinegar
1 teaspoon soy sauce (or more to taste)
1 family meal-sized portion of freezer meatballs 1 (5-oz) can water
chestnuts, drained and thinly sliced
1 green pepper, cut in strips

Drain pineapple tidbits, reserving syrup. In medium saucepan, combine
brown sugar and cornstarch. Blend in reserved syrup, water, cider
vinegar and soy sauce. Cook and stir over low heat until thick and
bubbly. Carefully stir in meatballs, water chestnuts, green pepper
strips and pineapple. Heat to a boiling. Serve over hot cooked rice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOMATO-SAUCED MEATBALLS

1 (10 ??-oz) can condensed tomato soup
?? cup water
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 family meal-sized portion of freezer meatballs

Mix together soup,
water and Worcestershire sauce. Place meatballs in a medium sized
saucepan; pour soup mixture over meatballs. Simmer until meatballs are
heated through. Serve over hot cooked rice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taco Fiesta

Heat oven to 450?°

3/4 pound lean ground beef
1/2 cup chunky salsa
1/2 teaspoon chili pepper
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 Boboli Original Italian Pizza Crust 12 "*
1 cup shredded mild cheddar cheese

Brown meat in skillet, drain. Stir in salsa & seasonings.
Cook until heated through. Spread on pizza crust, sprinkle
with cheese. Bake 10-12 minutes.
Garnish with guacamole, sour cream, chopped tomatoes, & sliced olives.

*Or us 2 Boboli 8" pizza crusts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

Did Hitler really invent the Volkswagen?

Well, not exactly invent, but Adolf Hitler was indeed the driving force behind the car. In the 1930s, cars cost more than most people earned in a year. When Hitler became the chancellor of Germany in 1933, he promoted the idea of a car affordable enough for the average working person. The Volkswagen, which means "people's car" in German, was essentially a political promise to win the public's goodwill. Hitler met with automotive designer Ferdinand Porsche in 1933 and charged Porsche with creating the new car. The chancellor required that the Volkswagen carry two adults and three children, go up to 60 miles per hour, get at least 33 miles per gallon, and cost only 1,000 reichsmarks. Hitler may also have named the car the Beetle.

In 1938, Hitler had the KdF Wagen factory built to produce the cars designed by Porsche. But by the time the factory was complete, Hitler had invaded Czechoslovakia and Poland. The factory was dedicated to building military vehicles, and the people's car fell by the wayside during World War II.

After the war, the factory ended up in the British section of occupied Germany. The British military re-opened the factory, named it Volkswagen, and finally gave control of the company to the German government.

After 1948, Volkswagen introduced new models across Europe. By 1955, over 1 million cars had been built. The VW beetle started selling in the U.S., and in 1972 the people's car overtook the Ford Model T to become the most popular car ever made.

**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/

Weather Summary:
The summer heat is about to surge back into the valley! A warm front
will move through on Thursday and this could spark some showers and
storms and it will usher in hot and humid weather once again. The warm
front will be north of here by later Thursday night and Friday the heat
will be on. Highs on Friday will be at least 90 and the heat index at
least 100 degrees! A strong cold front will plow through here later on
Saturday after it heats up once again. This front could trigger some
severe storms by Saturday afternoon and early evening. The front will
bring a much cooler air mass for the second half of the weekend and the
start of next week. It`s possible that by Monday morning, temperatures
could be in the upper 50`s! Highs on Monday will only make it to around
80 and maybe not even that warm. It will warm back up by mid to late
next week.

-- Jesse Walker

Weather Factoid:
Earth is gradually catching up to Mars in our smaller, faster orbit. The
red planet will appear a couple of minutes earlier each night in August,
rising well before midnight by month`s end and blazing bright red-orange
high in the south before dawn. Mars will rapidly grow brighter and
larger as the month passes.

Wednesday Night
Partly Cloudy
Low 66

Thursday
40% Chance of Storms
High 87

Thursday Night
40% Chance of Storms
Low 70

Friday
Hot / Humid, Heat Index to 102
High 93
Low 70

Saturday
Showers / Storms Possible
High 92
Low 70

Sunday
Partly Sunny
High 82
Low 65

Monday
Mostly Sunny
High 80
Low 60

Tuesday
Mostly Sunny
High 82
Low 62

Wednesday
Partly Sunny
High 84
Low 63

****A PARTING THOUGHT ****

Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

TOON TIME

New Ride
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123120.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123120.htm "> Here!</a>

Blue Poodle
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123119.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123119.htm "> Here!</a>

Guess Who
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123118.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123118.htm "> Here!</a>

Double-Click The Human... http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/017.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/017.htm">AOL here</a>

Human Bank...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/018.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/018.htm">AOL here</a>

Small N Shrimpy
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123117.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123117.htm "> Here!</a>

New Years Resolution
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123116.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123116.htm "> Here!</a>

Mouse Gator
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123115.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/123115.htm "> Here!</a>

LAST CALL Y'ALL
Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better
days.

As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then
he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress
came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

"No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."

"I'll have black coffee too," Bill said. "And please make sure the cup
is clean."

The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the
kitchen.

Two minutes later, she was back.

"Two cups of black coffee," she announced .

"Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"

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