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From Carlisle ,Indiana
Welcome
to
The Almost Daily
Funnies
"Friends are God's way of taking care of
us."
These
are clean jokes. However,
They are
PG - Not intended for younger
readers - PG
Welcome New
Subscribers
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
TOP TEN
SATURDAY
NOVEMBER 12,2005
THOUGHT FOR
TODAY:
The top 10 country singles:
1. Keith Urban -- Better Life
2. Kenny
Chesney -- Who You'd Be Today
3. Dierks Bentley -- Come A Little
Closer
4. Rascal Flatts -- Skin (Sarabeth)
5.
Joe Nichols -- Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off
6. Garth
Brooks -- Good Ride Cowboy
7. LeAnn Rimes -- Probably Wouldn't
Be This Way
8. Lonestar -- You're Like Comin' Home
9. Gary Allan -- Best I Ever Had
10. Toby Keith -- Big Blue
Note
The top 10 country albums:
1. Martina McBride -- Timeless
2.
Montgomery Gentry -- Something To Be Proud Of: The Best
Of 1999-2005
3. Rascal Flatts -- Feels Like
Today
4. Terri Clark -- Life Goes On
5. Johnny
Cash -- The Legend Of Johnny Cash
6. Joe Nichols --
III
7. Gretchen Wilson -- All Jacked Up
8. Faith
Hill -- Fireflies
9. Billy Currington -- Doin' Somethin'
Right
10. Gary Allan -- Tough All Over
The top 10 Christian singles:
1. Third Day -- Cry Out To Jesus
2. Casting
Crowns -- Lifesong
3. MercyMe -- In The Blink Of An
Eye
4. Jeremy Camp -- This Man
5. Jadon Lavik --
What If
6. Big Daddy Weave -- Just The Way I Am
7. Superchic[k] -- We Live
8. Mark Schultz -- I
Am
9. Chris Tomlin -- Holy Is The Lord
10. Mark
Harris -- For The First Time
The top 10
DVD rentals:
1. Batman Begins -- Warner Home
Video
2. Bewitched -- Sony Pictures Home
Entertainment
3. House of Wax 2005 -- Warner Home
Video
4. Herbie: Fully Loaded -- Walt Disney Home
Entertainment
5. Interpreter -- Universal Studios Home
Video
6. Kingdom of Heaven (Widescreen) -- FoxVideo
7. Kicking and Screaming (Full Screen) -- Universal Studios
Home Video
8. The Longest Yard -- Paramount
Home Entertainment
9. Amityville Horror -- Sony Pictures Home
Entertainment
10. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
(Widescreen) --
Warner Home Video
Top 10 DVD sales:
1.
Herbie: Fully Loaded -- Walt Disney Home Entertainment
2. Batman
Begins (Widescreen) -- Warner Home Video
3. Bewitched: Special
Edition -- Sony Pictures Home Enter-
tainment
4. Batman Begins (Full Screen) -- Warner Home
Video
5. Cinderella: Special Edition -- Walt Disney
Home
Entertainment
6. House of Wax
2005 (Widescreen) -- Warner Home Video
7. House of Wax 2005
(Full Screen) -- Warner Home Video
8. Batman Begins (Deluxe
Edition) -- Warner Home Video
9. Titanic: Special Collector's
Edition -- Paramount Home
Entertainment
10. The Wizard of Oz: 2 Disc Special Edition -- Warner Home
Video
#################################################
One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire
started inside the local chemical plant, and in a blink of an eye it exploded
into massive flames.
The alarm went out to all the fire departments for
miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene,
the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said,
"All
of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be
saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out
intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon
more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As
more firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000
to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. Still no
takers.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck
came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire company
composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. They had fled Europe after
WW2, and established their own town.
To everyone's amazement, the little
run-down fire engine, operated by these old Norwegians, passed all the newer
sleek engines parked outside the plant .... and drove straight into the middle
of the inferno!
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian
old-timers jumped off and began to fight the fire with a performance and effort
never seen before. Within a short time, the Norsemen had extinguished the fire
and saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president
joyfully announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to
$200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave, though elderly,
Norse firefighters.
The local TV news reporters rushed in after
capturing the event on film and asked,
"What are you going to do with
all that money?"
"Vell," said Olee Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief,
"Da furst ting vee doo is fix da brakes on da fire
truck."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once when the power went off at the
elementary
school, the cook couldn't serve a hot meal in
the
cafeteria.
She had to feed the children something, so at
the
last minute, she whipped up great stacks
of peanut-butter and jelly
sandwiches.
As one little boy filled his plate, he said, "It's
about
time. At last . . . a home cooked
meal!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The teenager lost a contact
lens while playing
basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless
search,
he told his mother the lens was
nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she
went outside and in a few
minutes, returned with the lens in her
hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the
teenager
asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing,"
she
replied.
"You were looking for a small piece of plastic.
I was
looking for $150."
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's
ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca
SUBSCRIBE
TO:
RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&****
HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID ****
In the mid-eighties,
when it was still fashionable to sell weapons to
the war-torn Middle East,
Britain shipped 6 Harrier jump jets to
Syria. During delivery, these were
landed in an airfield in Cyprus for
the night, where they were to be guarded
by a crack squad of local
Greek soldiers.
Sadly, this turned out to mean a
couple of bored squaddies, one of
whom decided to impress his mate
by
doing "pull-ups" on the nose cone of one of the ??20 million planes.
However,
the radar spike proved to be less sturdy than he'd imagined,
and it
immediately bent down 90 degrees, resisting all
attempts to straighten it
again.
Panicking at the damage he'd caused, the un-named private then
adopted
a course of action worthy of the Victoria Cross for stupidity.
He
walked down he line of 6 jets, bending the radar spike on each
one. He
claimed, at his subsequent court martial, that he had "hoped
nobody would
notice the difference if they all looked like that".****
WEIRD HAPPENINS ****
DES MOINES, Iowa - A judge ruled
that a former security guard who was fired for seeing ghosts cannot be denied
unemployment benefits.
According to a court ruling released this week, the
former guard's allegation of apparitions does not constitute misconduct.
The
issue started on Sept. 11, when Wade Gallegos alerted his supervisor at
Neighborhood Patrol of Urbandale that ghosts were haunting a neighborhood he was
guarding.
The supervisor arrived at the scene, where Gallegos showed him
where the ghosts were still apparently standing.
The supervisor claimed he
saw nothing and fired Gallegos five hours later.
The company found no signs
of drug use or alcohol.
Neighborhood Patrol challenged Gallegos' application
for unemployment benefits, arguing he was guilty of misconduct.
"Such beliefs
do render the claimant unfit to act as a security guard," Judge G. Ken Renegar
ruled. "The employer cannot have security guards who see ghosts and apparitions
and inform the employer, and then the employer sends out the patrol
cars."
However, the judge ruled, seeing ghosts is not the type of misconduct
that can disqualify Gallegos from receiving benefits.&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
You can join The Funnies
IT'S
FREE
To subscribe, Click on link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
**** HEALTH NEWS ****
FARSIGHTEDNESS PROCEDURE APPROVED
The U.S. Food and Drug
Administration has cleared the VISX
Custom Vue procedure for
hyperopia (farsightedness) and
astigmatism. Some 45 million
Americans have hyperopia. The
CustomVue laser procedure uses the
VISX WaveScan Diagnostic
System, which captures a comprehensive
"fingerprint" of
each eye and generates an individualized
treatment for each
procedure, says investigator Dr. Colman Kraff
at the Kraff
Eye Institute in Chicago. A clinical study suggests
Custom-
Vue has the potential to deliver better vision than
contacts
or glasses, he
says.
**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please
Help
Organ and Tissue
Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes
less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their
corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate
mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you
know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people
to click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food
donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than
a minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in
need" for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to
abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising.
Here's
the web site! Pass it along to people you
know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies/HEY LOOK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TOON
TIME
Left Lungage
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22221.htm
Spiderman
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22220.htm
Bad
Dog
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22219.htm
Glove Talk...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/021.htm
The New Alphabet...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/022.htm
Flying Stones
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22215.htm
Chicks Goin To War
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22213.htm
No
Nukes
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22214.htm
Passport
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22218.htm
Get
Me Out
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22217.htm
Transparent
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22216.htm
Houston, we have problem
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1230.html
Asking Directions
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/007.htm
Jeans
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jeans.htm
Pierced
http://www.buffaloschips.com/pierced.htm
Under My Roof
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230512.htm
Water Slide
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230508.htm
Mona
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230510.htm
Sailing
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sailing.htm
LAST
CALL Y'ALL
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with
bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line
to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger
paws.
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl
in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his
head. His grandmother knelt down next to him "I love your freckles. When I was a
little girl I always wanted freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across
the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful!"
The boy looked up,
"Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that's
prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered
intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."
That's all folks
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Don't take anything you see in
the Funnies personally.
The contents
are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
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Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
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on the web
and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold
copyright
n any of these materials please inform me so I may give the
proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer.
~
GOD
BLESS
AMERICA
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Regarding any
problems In accordance with the 2004
Can-Spam act you can contact me with
question or
comments at: jim4615@earthlink.netor
Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN
47838-0521
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REMEMBER
THE
COLUMBIA & THE STS 107 CREW
NEVER FORGET 9-11
God Bless
America , Our Land , Forever May She
Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
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