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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them

oh those norsemen
 
Speaking Minnesotan
 
Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."
 
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
 
"Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere." says Sven. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave  the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake.
 
At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."
 
VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!
 
Moments later Knute who's been to the pet shop too, arrives  at the cliffs. He walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag and a shotgun. .  "Hey, Ole. Vatch dis." Knute says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff.
 
Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot and continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."
 
BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE, you betcha!!
 
Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Larson appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag and pulls our a chicken. Larson grasps the chicken by the  legs, holds it over his head, and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down and hits a rock and breaks his spine.
 
Once more Ole shakes his head...."First der was Sven with his budgie jumping, den Knute parrotshooting.,.and now Larson hengliding....."
~~~~~~~~~BaBs~~~~~~~~
My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry
of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon.  When my sister returned
from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I
think she's too young to get married."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because," she said, "they've registered for Nintendo games."
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"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, shaking his
head, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper.  But
our son has his own color TV, phone, computer and CD player."

"So what do you do when your son misbehaves?" asked his friend.

"I send him to our room!"
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Senior Exercises

The Doc told me to start an exercise program.
Not wanting to harm this old body,
I've devised the following:
Monday
      Beat around the bush
      Jump to conclusions
       Climb the walls
       Wade through the morning paper
Tuesday
      Drag my heels
      Push my luck
      Make mountains out of mole hills
       Hit the nail on the head
Wednesday
       Bend over backwards
       Jump on the Band Wagon
       Run around in circles
Thursday
       Advise the President on how to run the country
      Toot my own horn
      Pull out all the stops
      Add fuel to the fire
Friday
      Open a can of worms
      Put my foot in my mouth
      Start the ball rolling
      Go over the edge
Saturday
        Pick up the pieces.
        Kneel in prayer
        Bow my head in thanksgiving
        Uplift my hands in praise
        Hug someone and encourage them 

What a Workout!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher asked her students what religious objects they had in their homes.

One boy answered, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."

The next little boy said, "We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and a Chinese face, and every day my parents burn an incense stick before it."

Then a third boy piped up, "In the bathroom we have a flat, square box with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing in the morning and screams,'OH MY GOD!!!'"
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**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes,Please Help

Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

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Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
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