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It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

MONDAY NOVEMBER 28,2005


THOUGHT FOR TODAY: This is what Blondie
sent.I think this is a great idea.Click on the link
and see what ya think.


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Hi, thought this might be some great info to put into your Daily Funnies.........only IF you would want to. Have a good Sunday. Chat later......Blondie

The current scandals over how large companies have been cooking the
books reminds me of a basic accounting course I took years ago. The
professor was explaining an accounting method called First In Last
Out, which is useful for industries that accumulate large inventories
of stuff. It explains why the oil industry, for example, reported
huge profits during the 1970's when the oil shortage occurred. They
stopped buying oil, so they had to use oil that, on paper, had been
purchased in the 1930's at 20?? a barrel. They of course sold it at
current market prices, which accounted for their huge profits.

One of the students put up his hand and said, "Excuse me, sir, but
that doesn't sound very ethical to me."

To which the professor replied, "You're in the wrong class, son, this
is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is two doors down the hall, on the left."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a
interview for a good paying job. The company boss
asked various questions about him and his education,
but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"

"22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked
it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken
it to the interview!) and realised he wouldn't get
the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he
was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift
horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The
next day, he went in and asked why he got the job,
even though he got such a simple question wrong. The
boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A New Hospital Wing

Recently, when a panel of doctors at our local hospital
was asked to vote on adding a new wing, this is what
happened....

The allergists voted to scratch it.

The dermatologists preferred no rash moves.

The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.

The neurologists thought the administration had a lot of
nerve.

The obstetricians stated they were laboring under a
misconception.

The ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

The pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"

The pediatricians said, "Grow up."

The proctologists said, "We are in arrears."

The psychiatrists thought it was madness.

The surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole
thing.

The radiologists could see right through it.

The internists thought it was a hard pill to swallow.

The plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face
on the matter."

The podiatrists thought it was a big step forward.

The urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.

And the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

The HMOs killed it anyway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the
hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women
tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the
only male to venture a number.

"Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently.

"This must not be your first," I said.

"Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first."

"Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked
what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor
tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young
girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled,

"This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.

"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks.
Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and
started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and
marched over and told them,

"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike,
bucking 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswind. At the tollbooth,
I asked the attendant, "What do you people do in
Kansas when the wind quits?"

The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat. She
answered,

"We take the rocks out of our pockets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to an abc_news.com feature story, nearly eight
in 10 people polled said, lack of respect and courtesy is a
serious national problem, and six in 10 said the problem is
getting worse.
Symptoms cited are talking loudly on cell phones in public;
driving obnoxiously;  leaving people on hold;  cursing and
littering.
The remaining respondents were quoted as saying,
"Here's a quarter, go call someone who gives a damn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither
of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed
a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got badgered into taking my very young grandaughter to church this
morning so my daughter could sneak in a little early Xmas shopping on
her hubby while he was out on the golf links with some buddies.
-
As to be expected, the little darling soon became restless as the sermon
dragged on and on.
-
Finally, she leaned over, pulled on my hand and whispered, with the
clarity of a childs thought process,    " If we give him the money now,
do you think he will he let us go?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the waitress came to work, the manager met her at the door.

"Look," he said, "I want you to put on your cutest uniform, fix
your hair lovely, see that your makeup is on neat and walk with
that extra-sexy walk."

"Something special on?" she asked.

"No," he replied, "The beef is tough."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill, being the "only buy-on-sale shopper," beckoned to a salesman
in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a
mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on
that store dummy over there?"

"That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman.

"Oh!  For $99.95, I could get the same dress at S. Klein's
downtown!"

"But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at
Klein's is recycled wool.  This original is 100% pure virgin wool."

And Jill replied, "So!  For $800, I should be caring what the
lambs do at night?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A disgruntled customer returned to our store a few days after
she had bought a cordless phone from me. She demanded her money
back. "What seems to be wrong with it?" I asked. "It cuts out
every time I get about two or three blocks away from my house,"
she replied. "Perhaps," I suggested, "I could interest you in a
cellular phone instead?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a
Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way
to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing,
"The pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers
and fathers."

"Oh, yeah?" her grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying
that rifle?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Pilgrim woman told her husband it would be nice to invite the
Indians over for dinner to thank them for all their help since the
arrival at Plymouth Rock. She asked him to go hunting and catch a
nice big pheasant so they could have a celebration. The husband,
having just gotten off the boat, wasn't much of a hunter, but he
did his best and set a snare along a small path in the woods. A
short while later, a pheasant came down the path and noticed the
circle of strings. "Gee," it said, "That looks like a trap. Someone
could get hurt in one of those." And the pheasant gingerly stepped
around the trap. Soon, another pheasant came down the path and saw
the snare.  "Gosh!" it said. "A bird could get caught in one of
those. These things shouldn't be left lying around!" The pheasant
carefully stepped around the trap and went on its way. Then,
a turkey came down the path. Upon seeing the snare, it said,
"Wow! A trap! I wonder if it works ..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congressman Duncan Hunter offered a bill to build a twenty- foot
fence along the U.S.-Mexican border. Reaction was swift. Every
sports book in Las Vegas made Mexico the odds-on favorite to win
the pole vault competition in the next Olympics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As expected, President Bush has pardoned the White House
Thanksgiving turkey. It will be allowed to live out its life at
the detention center at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, where the cells
have been deemed just about the right size for it. Interrogators
at Gitmo hope the bird can serve a useful purpose by teaching the
other prisoners to talk turkey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting
older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of
mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't
remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a
sandwich."    

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the
landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my
way up or on my way down."    

The third one responded," Well, I'm glad I don't have that
problem, knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the
table, then told them...

"That must be the door, I'll get it!" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** Quickies ****
Would you be more content with six million dollars or six
children? Six children, certainly. Because a man with six
million dollars will always want more
~
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer
is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking
them around a little
~

**** READERS LETTERS ****

**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.  D.V.M. ****
Joe was telling his buddy Jack about a recent diagnosis
of his high blood pressure. "The doctors told me to quit
eating red meat,"
Joe said, "Well, did you quit," asked Jack.
Joe replied, "Sure did. You think I'm a dummy or some-
thing? I haven't had a drop of ketchup on my hamburgers
since
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


**** HEALTH NEWS ****
      Viagra effective against deadly lung disease  

Sildenafil, better known as Viagra, is an effective treat-  
ment for the deadly lung condition called pulmonary arterial  
hypertension, according to a new international study.  

This is not exactly breaking news, since the U. S. Food and  
Drug Administration approved the drug's use for that condi-  
tion in June.  

But the report by researchers ranging from the United States  
to France to Germany to Italy puts a seal on that decision.  

Sildenafil, marketed by Pfizer for this purpose as Revatio,  
is only the second oral medication approved for the disease,  
says Dr.  

Nazzareno Galie, an associate professor of cardiology at the  
University of Bologna. The first was bosentan, he notes.  

"It is common practice now to start with one of the two oral  
medications, adding the second in case of unsatisfactory  
results," Galie says. "In the absence of head-to-head  
comparisons, it is not possible scientifically to define the  
first-line among bosentan and sildenafil, and sildenafil is  
cheaper."  

The new findings appear in the Nov. 17 issue of The New  
England Journal of Medicine.  

As its name implies, pulmonary arterial hypertension consists  
of unusually high pressure in the blood vessels of the lungs,  
particularly the pulmonary artery. It can result from chronic  
disease of the heart or lungs, or it can be inherited.  

Children with the condition usually die within a year with-  
out treatment.  

"At the European Society of Cardiology meeting in Stockholm  
this year, I presented the survival data of the sildenafil-  
treated cohort as compared to the (U.S.) National Institutes  
of Health registry collected in the '80s," Galie says. "In  
this historical comparison, the survival of sildenafil-treat-  
ed patients has improved by 30 percent."  

Sildenafil acts by relaxing the smooth muscle of blood  
vessels, causing them to expand so blood flows more freely.  
Other drugs used to treat pulmonary hypertension act through  
nitric oxide, which widens blood vessels. Sildenafil acts in  
a different way, by altering the activity of an enzyme called  
phosphodiesterase.  

The new study included 278 people diagnosed with the  
condition.  

Participants were given either sildenafil or a placebo, an  
inactive substance, three times a day, as the researchers  
measured the distance they could walk in six minutes. Those  
who completed the first 12 weeks of treatment could enter a  
longer-term study.  

"Among the 222 patients completing one year of treatment with  
sildenafil, the improvement from baseline at one year in the  
distance walked was 51 minutes," the researchers reported.  

One reason for the good result was that the trial included  
only people with milder forms of the condition, the research-  
ers say. But patients who got sildenafil also appeared to be  
hospitalized less frequently than those who did not receive  
the drug.  

Only minor side effects, such as stomach upset and diarrhea,  
were reported among those receiving sildenafil, the scientists  
say.  

Dr. Jeffrey Fineman, professor of pediatrics and head of the  
Cardiovascular Research Institute at the University of  
California, San Francisco, says sildenafil is certainly not  
the final answer to the problem of pulmonary arterial  
hypertension, but it "will be one of the things you will  
start with or add."  

But, he continues, "It will be a long time before we see if  
this has a dramatic effect on mortality. When we combine it  
with other agents, perhaps it will make a difference."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Older People Need More Vitamin D, U.S. Group Says  

WASHINGTON - Older Americans need more vitamin D to help  
strengthen bones than what current guidelines recommend,  
a U.S. medical group said on Thursday.  

Men and women age 50 and older should take about 800 to  
1,000 international units of vitamin D each day - more  
than the 400 to 600 daily units the Institute of Medicine  
recommends, the American Medical Women's Association said.  

"The recommendations we provided are designed as a guide  
for primary care physicians and specialists and are  
sufficient for most patients," said Dr. Kimberly Templeton,  
a representative of the group and associate professor of  
orthopedic surgery at the University of Kansas Medical  
Center. She added some patients may need different  
amounts.  

Sunscreen, protective clothing and time spent indoors  
already keep most older Americans from getting enough  
vitamin D from exposure to sunlight's ultraviolet-B rays,  
the group said.  

Vitamin D, which helps the body absorb calcium and  
phosphorus, can also be found in certain foods, such as  
fatty fish or fortified milk and juice. Dietary supple-  
ments may be the best way for older Americans to get  
more of it, the doctors recommended.  

While calcium has traditionally been considered the key  
to bone strength, several recent studies have shown  
vitamin D intake and exercise are not less important than  
calcium in preventing the bone degenerating disease  
osteoporosis.  

Other recent data suggest vitamin D may prevent some cancers  
and multiple sclerosis, according to the National Institutes  
of Health.  

People should consult their doctors to decide if they are  
getting enough of the vitamin and, if not, what the right  
amount for them would be, the women's medical group added.  

The doctors came up with their recommendations after a  
recent meeting, paid for by Merck & Co Inc., which makes  
the osteoporosis drug Fosamax.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Parkinson's disease discovery noted  

MARBURG, Germany, -- German scientists say they believe  
they've discovered a mechanism that may selectively  
silence the electrical activity of dopamine producing  
neurons. Birgit Liss and colleagues at Marburg University  
explained the slowed movements, rigidity and tremor in  
Parkinson's disease are caused by a reduction in the  
neurotransmitter dopamine, following the death of certain  
dopamine-producing neurons. What makes those neurons par-  
ticularly vulnerable is not known, but Liss said the newly  
observed silencing could ultimately reduce their survival.  
Liss and colleagues report reduced levels of a molecule  
called ATP decreased the electrical activity of the  
vulnerable neurons more strongly than in other neurons  
that do not die in the disease. The research is detailed  
in the December issue of the journal Nature Neuroscience.   

**** ON THIS DAY ****

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 **** MOTOR SPORTS NEWS ****

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**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****
1912 One-time Grand Ole Opry member Robert Lunn born in  
Franklin, Tenn.  

1914 Fiddler Cecil Brower born in Bellevue, Texas  
  
1930 Songwriter A. L. "Doodle" Owens born in Waco, Texas  

1958 Kristine Arnold of the Sweethearts of the Rodeo born  
in Manhattan Beach, Calif.  
  
1954 Roy Acuff began six-week tour of Alaska  
  
1961 Carrie Rodgers, widow of Jimmie Rodgers, died  
  
1991 Wanna Coffman, bass player and the last surviving  
member of Milton Brown's Musical Brownies, died at age  
80  
  
1925 WSM Barn Dance, which later became the Grand Ole Opry,  
made its radio debut  
  
1959 Homer and Jethro's parody, "The Battle of Kookamonga,"  
wins a Grammy for Best Comedy Performance  

1953 Hank Locklin debuted on the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1964 Willie Nelson debuted as a member of the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1938 Bob Wills recorded "San Antonio Rose"  

1947 The Speer Family conducts its first recording session  
for Columbia  

1972 Charlie Rich recorded his first No. 1 hit, "Behind  
Closed Doors"  
  
2002 Faith Hill's second network television special aired  
in prime time on NBC on Thanksgiving; her first aired on  
Thanksgiving of 2000  
  
1941 Eddy Arnold wed Sally Gayhart  


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
    Alabama Box Set Coming in January  

The music of the country band Alabama will be compiled  
into a three-disc box set to be released on Jan. 31, 2006,  
on RCA/Legacy. Livin' Lovin' Rockin': The 25th Anniversary  
Collection includes nine previously unreleased tracks,  
live versions of several hits, as well as original classics  
like "Feels So Right," "Old Flame" and "Lady Down on Love."  
Alabama was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame  
during the CMA Awards.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Texas Attorney General Sues SonyBMG  

The attorney general of Texas has sued the record company  
SonyBMG for not telling its customers about hidden anti-  
piracy software in its CDs. The copy-protection software,  
known as XCP, may inadvertently expose a user's computer  
to security risks and violates Texas' recent anti-spyware  
legislation. Country titles with XCP include the latest  
releases from Montgomery Gentry, Van Zant, Patty Loveless,  
Buddy Jewell, Jon Randall and Shelly Fairchild, as well  
as recent reissues from Rosanne Cash, George Jones and  
Earl Scruggs. Sony has pulled the affected CDs from  
shelves and is offering customers exchanges for CDs with-  
out XCP.