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The Funnies
"Friends are God's way of taking care of
us."
These
are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger
readers - PG
Welcome New
Subscribers
Anyone without a sense
of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us.
Heaven Help
Them
Remember
It is easier to
get older than it is to get wiser.
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 30,2005
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: If you're in a vehicle traveling at the speed of light, what happens
when you turn on your headlights?
I walked into my sister's
kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch, having a snack. "Where's your mother?" I
asked.
"She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute, I'll
see." Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. An
indignant yell came from above. Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, "Yes,
she's in the shower."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young executive was working
late, trying to impress his boss. As he
was leaving the office, at 7p.m., he
found the CEO standing in front of
the document shredder with a piece of
paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and
important
document, and my secretary left hours ago. Can you make this
thing
work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. Excited with the
opportunity to
kiss up to the man, he turned the machine on, inserted the
paper, and
pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the
CEO, "I don't know what I would have
done without you."
As his paper
disappeared inside the machine the relieved CEO says, "Now,
I just need one
copy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took my four-year-old daughter on a shopping trip. I was delighted
when, after 20 minutes of circling, I found a place to park. As Amy and I were
walking to the store, she suddenly exclaimed, "Mommy, I know why people have to
die." Taken aback, I asked, "Why?"
"Well, if they didn't," she replied,
"there'd be no place to park!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One snowy evening in a restaurant
parking lot, I was busily brushing off my car. Suddenly an attractive young lady
appeared and began to help. When I asked the reason for my good fortune, she
replied, "I want your parking space." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey, Mom,"
asked Little Johnny, "can you give
me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly
not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said
to the
maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and,
grabbing her
purse, she handed over the money. "Well?
What did he
say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my
socks tomorrow.'
"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pride
There is litte
doubt that when I was growing up in Chicago the economic
conditions were, to
say the least, drastically different than today,
-
My mother was
well-known for her faith in God & church and for her lack
of reticence in
talking about it. She would go out on the porch and
holler out, "Praise the
Lord!" to the heavens.
-
Unfortunately our next door neighbor, an
agnostic, would shout back,
"There ain't no Lord!"
-
During those
days, we very poor.
One day, after hearin' her prayin', the neighbor decided
to prove his
point by buying a large bag of groceries and placing it at our
porch
door.
-
The next morning, when my mother went out on the porch
and seeing the
groceries, said, "Praise the Lord!"
-
The neighbor
stepped out from behind a tree in the yard and said, " Aha,
look madam ! ....
I brought those groceries, and I been tellin' ya that
there ain't no Lord."
-
She took one look at him, shrugged , and replied to the heavens,
"My
Goodness Lord,, you not only sent me the food but you made the
devil
himself, pay for it."
~~~~~~~~~~IRISHWORLOCK~~~~~~~~~~~
My friends hired a male stripper for my
birthday present. This guy starts throwing his clothes off, and ask me, "What
are you thinking, babe? I'm thinking I've been married too long, because I said.
"You're going to pick up after yourself, aren't
you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It??s a summer holiday
weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which
has a sign in the window
saying "Ground Sirloin: 29 cents per pound" The
man says, "I??m having a
cookout this weekend. I??d like 5 pounds of your
ground sirloin,
please."
The butcher shakes his head and says, "Sorry. I??m all
out."
The man, disappointed goes down the street to another butcher shop
and
asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?" The proprietor replies,
"It??s
$3.29 per pound."
"Three twenty nine!?!" exclaimed the customer.
"Just up the street he
sells it for 29 cents!"
The butcher smiles
calmly at the gentleman and asks, "Does he have any?"
"No. He??s out of it
right now."
"Well," says the butcher. "When I don??t have any, I can sell
it for 19
cents per pound!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tried bungee
jumping. They don't tell you to take the change out of your
pockets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the
saloon for a
drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit
of
picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his
horse had been
stolen.
He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into
the
air, catches it above his head without even looking
and fires a shot into the
ceiling. He yelled with
surprising forcefulness "Who stole my
horse?"
No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my
horse
ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm
gonna do what I dun back in
Texas and I don't want to
have to do what I dun back in Texas!"
Some
of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another
beer, walked outside, and
his horse was back! He
saddled up and started to ride out of town.
he
bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say
partner, what
happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk
home!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My aunt and uncle had a missionary family visiting. When the
missionary children were called in for dinner, their mother said, "Be sure to
wash your hands."
The little boy scowled and said, "Germs and Jesus.
Germs and Jesus. That's all I hear, and I've never seen either one of
them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These
make you wonder about the phrase, "being of sound
mind."
Ms. Eleanor Ritchey, the unmarried granddaughter of
the
founder of Quaker State Oil, died in 1968 with an
estate
worth around $12 million. According to Scott Bieber in
Trusts
and Estates magazine: "Under her will, she left over
1,700
pairs of shoes and 1,200 boxes of stationery to the
Salvation
Army. The rest of the estate went to the dogs." Real
dogs,
he means - a pack of 150 strays that Ritchey had adopted
as
pets.
When American patriot
Patrick Henry died, everything he
owned was left to his wife -
as long as she never married
again. If she did, he forfeited the
whole thing. "It would
make me unhappy," he explained, "to feel
I have worked all
my life only to support another man's wife!"
She remarried
anyway.
Robert Louis
Stevenson, author of Treasure Island, tried to
leave his
birthday. He willed it to a good friend who'd
complained that
since she was born on Christmas, she never
got to have a real
birthday celebration.
An attorney in France left $10,000 to
"a local madhouse."
The gentleman declared that "it was simply
an act of
restitution to his clients."
An
Australian named Francis R. Lord left one shilling to his
wife
"for tram fare so she can go somewhere and drown her-
self." The
inheritance was never claimed.
Sandra West, a wealthy
37-year-old Beverly Hills socialite,
left most of her $3 million
estate to her brother - provided
he made sure she was buried "in
my lace nightgown and my
Ferrari, with the seat slanted
comfortably." That's how she
was buried. The Ferrari was
surrounded with concrete so no
one would be tempted to dig it up
and drive away.
A woman in Cherokee County, North Carolina
left her entire
estate to God. The court instructed the county
sheriff to
find the beneficiary. A few days later, the sheriff
returned
and submitted his report: "After due and diligent
search, God
cannot be found in this county."
Edgar Bergen, famed ventriloquist, left $10,000 to the
Actor's Fund of America - so they could take care of his
dummy, Charlie McCarthy, and put him in a show once a year.
They went along with it.
~~~~~~~Patricia~~~~~~~
"Some people change
when they see the light,
others when they feel the
heat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I used to have a sign over my computer that read OLD DOGS CAN LEARN
NEW TRICKS, but lately I sometimes ask myself how many more new tricks I want to
learn. Wouldn't it be easier just to be
outdated?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was a
while back
After completing medical officers training, I was
assigned to a small
Army post in a
Boston suburb. I arrived after dark and
was directed to my quarters.
The next morning a noncommissioned officer
escorted me to the
commander's office. As
we exited the barracks, I looked
toward Massachusetts Bay and noticed
the back of a
large curved device
supported by a labyrinth of steel girders.
Anxious to impress the NCO with my
new knowledge of the Army's air
defense system, I
pointed to the structure
and said, "So that's our primary target
acquisition radar?"
"No, sir," the
Sargent replied. "That's the back of the drive-in
movie
screen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I once admitted a lady in her
eighties. In going over her admission health profile I was asking her questions
to clarify the boxes she had checked. I got to the box where she had checked
"Emotional Problems" and asked her to explain what she had wrong. She just
sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "I have had seven children. If that isn't
enough to make someone nuts, I don't know what
is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My nephew came over the other day, and he was wearing a helmet,
shoulder pads, knee pads, gloves and saying. "I'm a gonna ride my bike." Where?
Through a minefield?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Justice
of the Peace in a small town was about to tee off with two
other
friends
one day when the club pro volunteered to join them.
It seemed like the
perfect opportunity for a free lesson. But instead of
being helpful the pro
was openly critical of the JP's game.
At every bumbled shot, the pro made
a joke about the justice.
But the criticism didn't even stop at the end
of the round.
The pro continued to embarrass the JP in the clubhouse
among his
friends.
Finally the pro got up to leave and said, "Judge,
let's do it again
sometime. If you can't find anybody else to make a
foursome, I'll be
glad to
play with you again."
"Well that would be
fine," the justice of the peace said. "How about
next
Saturday? I don't
think any of my friends can join us, so why don't you
just
have your
parents join us...and after our round I can marry
them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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ENTREES
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SIDE
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Chunk of Skunk $ 6.95
Smidgeon
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Road Toad a la Mode $ 4.95
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Narrow Sparrow $ .99
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BAG 'N' GAG
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****
Quickies
****
Personal
"Personal" ad in
local paper:
David G. Contact me soon!
Bring three
rings:
Engagement, wedding, and teething.
Have news.
~
Q: Who
makes suits and eats spinach ?
A: Popeye the
Tailorman.
~
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A:
Because it scares the hell out of their
dog.
~
**** LOW
DOWN FRIENDS ****
In 1872, veteran
prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack
bought $35,000 worth of
diamonds in Europe and scattered them
on land in Wyoming. They
managed to convince the Bank of San
Francisco they had
discovered a diamond field and made
$700,000.
~
Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam
selling
fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He
contacted
as many families as he could find with the surname
Drake and
was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people.
The hoax
netted him over $2,000,000.
~
When
J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950,
he claimed
to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United
Circus, which,
he maintained, was due to hit town in three
weeks. He allegedly
sold advertising space to local traders...
for a circus that
didn't exist.
~
By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis
was able to claim
he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles
of Arizona. The
enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was
arrested in
1895 and he was sentenced to six years in
prison.
~
Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting,"
rented aban-
doned banks and convinced businessmen that he had
set up a
genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums
of mon-
ey before shutting down and moving on to the next town.
This,
plus some of his other scams, earned him over
$6,000,000.
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****
WEIRD HAPPENINS ****
I Object - The Groom Is Actually a
Woman!
MAFIKENG, South Africa - A love struck couple
was in the middle
of exchanging wedding vows when officials
intervened, claiming
the groom's birth certificate listed him as
female. As the wed-
ding was stopped, a stunned silence engulfed
the room. According
to "The Citizen" newspaper, the couple must
indefinitely post-
pone the ceremony. Rankoa Molefe, the groom,
unknowingly had
the birth certificate with the error for 12
years and said the
incident "was terribly upsetting and
embarrassing." Molefe must
have a doctor declare him a male
before the birth certificate
can be changed. The home affairs
minister told the groom the
document will be changed, to which
he replied, "It's a relief
to be a man
again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But Can He Walk and Chew Gum at the
Same Time?
BASIRHAT, West Bengal - And I thought that
people who are
ambidextrous were talented. Indian performer
Tapan Dey, 25,
can reportedly write with all four limbs in
different langu-
ages at the same time. Dey writes in Hindi,
Assamese, English
and Bangla, in front of street audiences and
claims he wants
to "redefine" the art of calligraphy. "I was
inspired when I
saw a young boy in Calcutta writing with both
hands. I thought
I could do better," Dey told reporters. He
admitted that there
really isn't a future for his "talent" as a
profession, and
would like to become a
teacher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prisoner Jumps Out of Frying Pan
and Into the Fire
SAN JOSE, California - An inmate at
Elmwood Correctional Fac-
ility should have planned his escape
route a little more care-
fully. Arnold Ancheta, 25, broke out
of a medium-security
dorm only to hop the wrong fence and end up
next door at the
women's jail. According to Mark Cursi, a
Department of Corr-
ections spokesman, Ancheta apparently
escaped by squeezing
through the bar on the roof of his cell and
breaking out the
Plexiglas-covered skylight. He jumped down
about 20 feet
from the roof. However, instead of heading toward
the fence
that leads to a public road, he jumped a smaller fence
and
ended up on the women's side of the facility. Female
inmates
saw Ancheta running around the yard and told
correctional
officers. He was taken to a hospital and then to a
downtown
jail.
~~~~~~~~~~
100-year-Old Earns
College Degree
MISSOURI VALLEY, Iowa - An Iowa woman
received a very special
present on her 100th birthday...her
college diploma. Myrtle
Thomas taught for 20 years at a time
when a high school dip-
loma was all that was needed. She took
college courses for her
bachelor's degree in education at the
University of Nebraska
at Omaha. But to get her diploma she
would have been required
to quit teaching to do 16 weeks of
student teaching. Dean of
Education, John Christensen, recently
met with others at the
college, and they decided to waive the
student-teaching re-
quirement in this
case.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
County jail is being sold on
eBay
The Associated
Press
HUNTSVILLE, Mo. (AP) - Along with concert tickets, sports
memorabilia and designer handbags, add a Missouri jail to the list of things you
can buy on eBay.
Randolph County officials have decided to sell their old jail on
the auction site as soon as Wednesday. Bidding starts at $32,500, said Jim
Myles, a county commissioner.
County leaders say they got the idea to sell the jail from
neighboring Howard County, which sold its jail to a Los Angeles lawyer who plans
to renovate it into a country getaway.
"After Howard County sold their jail, we were kind of jealous,"
said Myles. "We wished we had been first."
The two-story structure resembles a quaint home more than a
secure lockdown. That's because until 1989, the jail doubled as home to the
county sheriff and his family, with a separate living quarters including a full
kitchen and fireplace. The sheriff's wife even cooked meals for
prisoners.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Homeless To Starlet
Associated
Press
Helena, MT -- From homeless to
starlet.
It sounds like something out of a movie or maybe a play. But
this time the star is a dog.
The musical "Annie" is being performed at
the Grandstreet Theater in Helena, Montana.
A homeless stray is playing
the part of Sandy in the production. The 14-month-old border collie-Siberian
husky mix ended up at the local animal shelter after being hit by a pickup in
August.
The dog was chosen for the part because she has the right
coloring and temperament.
Sandy and several other dogs used in the
production will be up for adoption when the play
closes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Forget the Olympics:
Alaska wins 2009 facial hair games
ANCHORAGE (AP) ??” Gentlemen, start your beards.
Anchorage has been awarded the 2009 World Beard and
Moustache Championships following a bid process and vote of its members,
according to association president Bruce Roe of Bremerton, Wash.
The biannual contest has been held in the United States
only once before, two years ago in Carson City, Nev.
"It's a big honor," says David Traver, vice president of
the Southcentral Alaska Beard & Moustache Club. "We've had a beard
competition going on in Anchorage for about 54 years now, and we feel Anchorage
is the perfect venue for this event."
Competitors can choose from several different categories,
including handlebar mustaches to those sporting the "Fu Manchu" style. There
also are categories for those preferring to grow goatees and other partial
beards.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas comes 365 times a year for
British Noel fanatic
Christmas-mad Andy Park has gobbled down 4,380 turkeys and
87,600 mince pies, given 21,900 presents and spent a fortune on an array of
lights and decorations.
The occasion? It's Christmas for him, every single day.
Park, a 45-year-old electrician dubbed "Mr Christmas", has been
celebrating the December 25 holiday on a daily basis for the past 12 years.
His festive fetish has so-far cost an estimated 250,000 pounds
(365,000 euros, 427,500 dollars).
The divorced father-of-one from Melksham in Wiltshire, southwest
England, starts his day with a hearty breakfast of six mince pies and a turkey
sandwich before heading off to work.
He finishes by 11:30am in order to start roasting a turkey --
the traditional Christmas dish.
At 2:00pm he eats lunch and then pulls crackers.
Crackers are meant to be pulled apart with a bang by two people,
with the owner of the larger part receiving a paper hat and novelty goodie.
However, Park usually opens them -- about a whopping 40 a day --
on his own.
At 3:00pm he watches a video of Queen Elizabeth II's annual
Christmas message to the Commonwealth, glass of sherry in hand.
Dinner is roast turkey with all the trimmings, including
brussels sprouts, roast potatoes, stuffing, gravy and mushy peas, as well as
sherry and wine and a bottle of champagne.
He lays his present under the Christmas tree at 8:00pm. He gave
himself a dinner jacket on Monday and a suit for Tuesday.
Park said he ignores his girlfriend, 44, and daughter, 20, when
they call him a "crackpot".
Though he estimates he's spent a fortune celebrating Christmas
every day, Park says he is suffering no signs of yuletide fatigue.
"I've been doing this for 12 years and I'm going to be doing it
for another 12. I've never, ever got bored of it. I absolutely love Christmas,"
he said.
He even insists on a full Christmas dinner if he goes to a
restaurant or to a friend's house for dinner.
Park reckons he has eaten one turkey a day, 20 mince pies a day,
26,280 roast potatoes (six a day), 30,660 stuffing balls (seven a day), 4,380
bottles of champagne (one daily), 4,380 bottles of sherry and 5,000 bottles of
wine.
The daily Christmas feast initially made him balloon from 12.5
stone (79 kilogrammes) to 21 stone, but twice-weekly trips to the gym have
brought his weight back down to 15.5 stone.
"I've also got through 36 ovens and 42 video recorders by
watching the queen's speech every day as well as Christmas films," he said.
Park is hoping his love of Christmas can translate to the music
charts when he releases a single on December 9.
"I want to be number one," he said.
Fittingly entitled "It's Christmas Every Day", it follows his
previous unsuccessful efforts like "The Christmas Man", "Yuletide Oh Yeah", and
"Alleluia It's Christmas".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greek PM's residence to get solar cells
from Greenpeace
Concerned over Greece's lack of action in promoting renewable energy sources,
environmental group Greenpeace said it would organise the purchase of solar
cells for the Greek prime minister's residence.
"Greenpeace's Greek office is calling an open tender to purchase and install
a solar system at the prime minister's residence," the organisation said in a
statement.
Offers from competent companies will be opened on the day on which the
government is supposed to table legislation on renewable energy, Greenpeace said
Tuesday.
According to government data, Greece will have an estimated solar energy
capacity of 5.3 megawatts (MW) by the end of 2005, Greenpeace said. The
equivalent figure in Germany is 1,200 MW, it added.
"It's a complete paradox, Germany has much fewer days of sunshine than
Greece," Dimitris Ibraim, head of climate change initiatives at Greenpeace's
Greek office, told AFP.
"We looked at the facts, and decided that something drastic was needed,"
Ibraim said.
"(Prime Minister Costas) Karamanlis has said he is personally interested in
the issue, but the bill on renewable energy has been delayed for months," he
said.
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**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D. D.V.M. ****
When my grandfather was in his late eighties, he decided he wanted
to
visit Ireland before he died.
-
As part of the preparations, he
visited his doctor to get copies of
charts and med info his doc thought he
should carry with him.
-
While there the doc gave him a quick physical
and asked granddad how he
was doing. Big mistake, cuz now the doc got
delivered the litany of
complaints - this hurts, that's stiff, this doen't
work, I'm tired and
slower, etc. & etc.
-
The Doctor shook his head
and admonished, "Sir, you have to expect
things to start deteriorating. After
all, who wants to live to 100?"
-
My granddad looked him straight in the
eye and with the swiftness and
assurity of a leprichaun sittin' on his pot of
gold, replied,
-
"Any damn fool who's gettin' close to
99."
**** ON THIS DAY
****
"Giving or Being Takin''
As
you open your pockets for yet another natural disaster, keep these
facts in
mind:
-
Marsha J. Evans, President and CEO
of the American Red
Cross... salary for year ending 06/30/03 was
$651,957 plus expenses.
-
Brian Gallagher, President of the United Way receives a
$501,000
base salary, plus numerous expense benefits.
-
The Salvation
Army's Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary
of $167,000 per year (plus
housing) for managing this $2
billion dollar organization.
-
(FIGURES
UPDATED 11.29.2005 PER SNOPES.COM)
-
No further comment
necessary.
**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help
This is a
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and
Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a
mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a
thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits
to donate mammogram
in exchange for
advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to
click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated
every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a minute to
go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need" for free! This
doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in
exchange
for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to
people you know!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link
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http://avast.com
It is
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U
Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read
this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject
Line--- The Funnies
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**** COUNTRY
CALANDER ****
1917 Merle Travis born in Rosewood, Ky.
1941 Jody Miller (Myrna Joy Brooks), who recorded
"Queen
of the House" in answer to "King of the Road," born
in
Phoenix, Ariz.
1941 Loretta Johnson,
cofounder (with her two sisters) of
the Loretta Lynn Fan Club
and IFCO, born in Forgan,
Oklahoma
1975 Bill Anderson and Mary Lou Turner's No. 1 single,
"Sometimes," charted
1961 Grand Ole Opry
stars Marty Robbins, Jim Reeves, Bill
Monroe, Patsy Cline,
Grandpa Jones and Faron Young perform
at New York's Carnegie
Hall in a benefit for the Musician's
Aid Society
1959 Johnny Horton's recording of "The Battle of New
Orleans"
wins the Grammy for Best C & W Performance and Song
of the Year
1989 Randy Travis' No Holdin' Back
album is certified platinum
1953 Webb Pierce
recorded the No. 1 singles, "Even Tho"
and "Slowly"
1965 Johnny Cash recorded "The One on the Right is on the
Left" for Columbia
2002 Alan Jackson's
first Christmas special, Let It Be
Christmas, premiered on
CMT
**** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS
****
McGraw Wins Two
AMAs
Tim McGraw won two awards at the American
Music Awards
on Tuesday night in Los Angeles, taking the
trophies for
favorite male artist in the country music category
and
favorite country album (Live Like You Were Dying).
Other
country winners included Gretchen Wilson for
favorite
female artist and Brooks & Dunn for
favorite band, duo
or group. Sugarland won for
breakthrough artist in all
genres.
**** Amy's
Kitchen ****
SWEET
POTATO PIE:
3 eggs, separated
3/4 cups sugar
1 cup hot cooked
mashed sweet potatoes
1/4 cup butter
1 1/2 cups milk
1 tsp vanilla
extract
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1 unbaked 10 inch
pastry shell
Beat egg yolks until thick. Gradually add all sugar and mix
well. Add the next six ingredients and mix well. Beat egg whites( Room Temp) til
stiff peaks form, then fold into sweet potato mixture. Pour into pastry shell.
Bake at 350 Degrees F for 50 minutes or til done. Makes one 10 in pie.
From :
Tally Eddings. Orlando, Florida
Down Home Easy Recipes from Farmer John's
Pepper Patch Recipes
http://www.farmer-john-and-wife.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sugar Cookies
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1
egg
3 cups flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
3 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 cup
milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
Thoroughly cream butter and sugar; add egg
and beat well. Add sifted dry ingredients alternately with milk and vanilla; mix
thoroughly. Roll 1/8 inch thick on lightly floured surface. Cut with floured
cookie cutters; sprinkle with sugar, if desired. Bake on greased cookie sheets
in 375 degree oven about 15 minutes. Makes 3 dozen cookies. These maybe
decorated before or after baking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pecan
Pie Muffins
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup
all-purpose flour
1 cup chopped pecans
2/3 cup butter, softened
2 eggs,
beaten
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour 18 mini muffin
cups or line with paper muffin liners. In a medium bowl, stir together brown
sugar, flour and pecans. In a separate bowl beat the butter and eggs together
until smooth, stir into the dry ingredients just until combined. Spoon the
batter into the prepared muffin cups. Cups should be about 2/3 full. Bake for 20
to 25 minutes. Cool on wire racks when done.
* When I made these my mini
muffin pan holds 24 so I filled them 1/2 full. I had so much left I ended up
fill all the cup full before using all the batter. So I ended up with 24 instead
of 18.
**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT
****
Why do we dream?
Well, for the ones looking for a short and
straight answer for dreams, here it goes:
Humans are not machines that when going to sleep
(rest) disconnect themselves until waking up. Our functions keep working the
same when we are awake and when we are sleeping. Heart pumping, lungs inflating,
blood irrigating the brain and neurons keep sending electrical
signals.
Then, those signals are thoughts, unconscious or not, but
thoughts, feelings, instincts and so on. These thoughts, feelings and the like
during our sleep our known as dreams. When they go bad they are known as
nightmares.
**** WABASH
VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/
Weather Summary:
A few snow showers for
Tuesday night and colder weather. Wednesday we
will see sunshine return but
it stays below normal for temperatures. A
fast moving, weak storm system
heads our way by late Wednesday night and
Thursday. This could spread a
little light snow (light rain in the
southern areas) for Thursday. Nothing
big from this but the northern
areas could see a small accumulation of snow.
Cold air flows in behind
that storm for Friday and then we focus our
attention to a stronger
storm due here by the second half of the weekend.
That storm bears close
watching as it could bring snow / rain (possible
accumulations of snow)
by the end of the weekend and early next week. Stay
tuned for updates on
this storm.
-- Jesse Walker
Weather
Factoid:
It looks like an early start to winter as we start December!
Tuesday Night
Snow Showers and Some Clearing Late
Low 25
Wednesday
Becoming Mostly Sunny
High 40
Wednesday Night
Becoming Cloudy
Low 28
Thursday
Some Light Snow
High
38
Low 28
Friday
Partly Sunny
High 35
Low 20
Saturday
Late Snow / Rain Possible
High 35
Low 22
Sunday
Snow / Rain Possible
High 35
Low 25
Monday
Snow Possible
High 32
Low 22
Tuesday
Mostly Cloudy
High
30
Low 20
****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
You know the difference between Washington and
Las Vegas?
In Las Vegas the drunks gamble with their own
money.
TOON
TIME
Pizza
http://buffalosjokes.com/123142.htm
Poker
Faces
http://buffalosjokes.com/123141.htm
Giant
Shark
http://buffalosjokes.com/123140.htm
Siegfried & Roy - They're Grrreat !!!
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/grrreat.shtml
What a relief!
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny304.html
Glove Talk...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/021.htm
Iraq Vs. U.S. Troops
http://buffalosjokes.com/12313.htm
Rookie...
http://buffalosjokes.com/123132.htm
Broke
http://buffalosjokes.com/123131.htm
Space
War
http://buffalosjokes.com/123139.htm
Road
Swimming
http://buffalosjokes.com/123137.htm
Head
Shop
http://buffalosjokes.com/123138.htm
Truly
A Male Cat
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/mancat.shtml
Men
At Work...
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/020.htm
Lucy
in the skies with diamonds
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/mack2grate.html
colored
hair
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/mack3grate.html
Chia
Mouse
http://buffalosjokes.com/123111.htm
New
Shoes
http://buffalosjokes.com/123134.htm
Fingernail
Artist
http://buffalosjokes.com/123135.htm
LAST
CALL Y'ALL
Two women were discussing marriage, and
one
said, "We've been married ten years, and every
night my husband has
complained about dinner.
Not one night without complaining about the
food."
The other woman said, "That's awful. Doesn't it
bother
you?"
The first one said, "Not in the slightest."
Said the other
woman, "You must be a saint!"
To which, the first woman replied, "Why
should I
object? A lot of people don't like their own
cooking."
That's all folks
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out
there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Don't take anything you see in
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Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed
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