Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

Where Does That Time Go?

Seven years in a bathroom.

Six years eating.

Five years waiting in line.

Four years cleaning house.

Three years preparing meals.

Two years trying to return telephone calls to people who
aren't there to receive them.

One year searching for misplaced things.

Eight months opening junk mail
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I introduced my friend Wes to the proprietor of my favorite
Chinese restaurant, the owner greeted him enthusiastically, saying,
"Welcome, West."

Wes shook his hand and smiled despite the mispronounced name.

All through the meal, the proprietor checked to make sure "West" was
pleased. Finally, Wes corrected him, "It's Wes, not West."

"West, not West?" asked the confused man.

Wes smiled patiently and nodded. "Yes," he said, "Wes, no 't'."

"Ah," said the proprietor ... as he walked away with our teapot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend's husband always teases her about her lack
of interest in household chores. One day he came home
with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read:
"Martha Stewart doesn't live here."

The next day he came home to find the magnet holding
up a slip of paper. The note read: "Neither does Bob Vila"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man who was late in paying his bills received the following note: "Your account has been on our books for over a year. Just want to remind you we have now carried you longer than your mother did."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and
takes their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little
piggy.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders
for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third
little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the
table
and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggie.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little
piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little
piggy, "but why have you only ordered water all evening?"

You're gonna hate me for this....

Hold on to your seat

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The convent had been presented with a new car, a red
Mini Metro, the pride of its breed. Sister Lucy, the
only qualified driver, became the chauffer. Every
Saturday she would drive the Reverend Mother into town
for the shopping.
All went well until a holiday weekend when the town was
so packed with people and cars that it became evident
that there was no earthly place to park.
"Don't worry, Reverend Mother," said Sister Lucy. "You
go into the supermarket and I'll drive around the block
until you come out."
Off sped the car, and the Reverend Mother bustled around
the store shopping quickly, then rushing back to the
curbside. There she stood for five minutes, ten, twenty.
No sign of Sister Lucy. Where could she be?
Eventually the Reverend Mother approached a patrolling
policeman.
"Excuse me, Officer," she said. "Have you seen a nun in
a red mini?"
"No," replied the officer, "but these days nothing would
surprise me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Only in America...even though he stole 2.4 million he has agreed to pay back 1.8 million to make it right. So let that be a lesson to all you other congressmen out there. If you get caught stealing you may have to pay back a small fraction of what you took." --Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Curt loved the tradition of putting cookies out for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. He had been doing it ever since he was old enough to walk. For the big night, the six-year-old gently placed a plate of cookies by the fireplace for Santa. As Curt got ready for bed, he told his parents Ben and Eve, "Oh, I almost forgot." He ran into the kitchen and brought back the bottle of vitamin s  that his parents made him take every morning. "Let's leave a vitamin for Santa," said Curt. "We don't want him to ever get sick."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important
meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said
"Lord, take pity on me. If you find me  a parking place I will go to
Mass every Sunday for the rest of my and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug and Bill went out drinking one night and didn't get
home till the wee hours.
They see each other the next day at work and Bill asks,
"Did your wife have much to say when you got home last
night?"
Doug replies, "No, but that didn't keep her from talking
for two hours."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John, a neighbor of mine, was annoyed because he had to search for his
newspaper each morning after the paperboy tossed it. Often he would find
it, covered with dirt, under the car in the gravel driveway.

Then one day the paperboy's mother mentioned that her son's ambition was
to
play professional basketball.

John had an idea.

When he got home, he attached a basketball hoop to a post on the front
porch. Sure enough, the next morning there was a resounding "plunk" as
the newspaper sailed through the hoop and landed by the door.

John never had to search for his paper again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is forty below zero one winter night in Alaska.
A guy is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender
says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."
"Sorry," says the guy, "I'm flat broke this week."
"That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your
name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."
"But," says the guy, "I don't want any of my friends
to see that."
"They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your
parka over it until it's paid."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Signs of Christmas Everywhere"

Toy Store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."

Bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."

Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."

At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."

A Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000.

A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."

In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything...
a calendar to remind him when payments are due."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oldie,
I liked it better when they were called Indians

The Native Americans asked their Chief in autumn, if
the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really
knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter
was going to be cold and that the members of the
village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone
booth and called the National Weather Service and
asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going
to be quite cold indeed."

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to
collect even more wood to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service
again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold
winter."

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to
go and find every scrap of wood they can find.

Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service
again: "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is
going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Native Americans
are collecting wood like crazy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just as my son-in-law was serving the lasagna he had made for his guests,
his five-year-old daughter asked, "Daddy, what was it you put
in there by mistake?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE MEETING OF THE DOGS
 
The dogs all met one Christmas.
They came from near and far.
Some dogs came by Greyhound Bus,
while others came by car.
 
The purpose of their meeting:
To fill the world with Glee,
and put a brand new puppy
under every Christmas tree.
 
But a special hall was rented,
and the landlord did declare
he didn't want them running 'round
just pooping everywhere.
 
So before inside that rented hall
the dogs could even look,
they had to take their hineys off
and hang them on a hook.
 
Then once inside the meeting --
each mother, son and sire --
some cat dressed in a dog suit
began to holler, "Fire!"
 
They all rushed out, that pack of dogs.
They had no time to look
to see which type of hiney
they grabbed off its little hook.
 
They got their hineys all mixed up.
It really made them sore,
to have to wear a hiney
they'd never worn before.
 
Then, once the chaos ended,
so did the dogs' grand scheme.
And kids who'd dreamed of puppies
were left with just a dream.
 
It's also why you'll see a dog
give up a juicy bone
to go and sniff a hiney,
to see if it's his own.
 
Anonymous (adapted by Lee Charles Kelley)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector at McCarran Intl.
Airport in Las Vegas, a blonde traveler was asked by a security agent if she had any change.   
"Gee," the blonde says, turning towards her husband, I told you we should of gone to
 Florida instead.....everyone here expects to be tipped."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church. Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers." "Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied, "so why is their dad carrying that rifle?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mrs. Goldberg was shopping at a produce stand in her neighbourhood. 
She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?"
"Two for a quarter," answered the vendor.
"How much is just one?" she asked.
"Fifteen cents," answered the vendor.
"Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Goldberg.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bad day at work

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! The next time you
have a bad day at work...think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is
an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station
103.2FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job
experience contest.  Needless to say, she won!

Hi Sue
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling
down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you
to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with
a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the
bottom of the sea.
I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of the year the
water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a
diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20 000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It
heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver

through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this
sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the
hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole
suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out
from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had
happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and
pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back,
the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was
not
as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding
the jellyfish into the crack of my but. I informed the dive supervisor
of
my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear
due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing

hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry
decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass
helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter
running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to
rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put
the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt
was swollen shut.
So the next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how
much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job"
[snagged by]
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...Ross,PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart
when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?"
 "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said:
"Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten miserable
beasts I have ever seen."

One of the buffalo turned to the other and said: "I think I just
heard a discouraging word."
 
The other buffalo replied, "Never get your horns in a uproar
over a liberals comments!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug:  I know you're crazy about that little daughter of yours.
What are you going to do when she   starts to date?
Bill:  I figure I'll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder,
and pull him close   to me so that only he can hear. Then I'll say, "Do you see that
sweet, little young lady? She's   my only daughter, and I love her very much. If you
were thinking about touching, kissing, or   being physically affectionate to her in any way,
just remember this: I don't mind going BACK   to prison
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the
students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really
all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go
out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages,
goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I
found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted
nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water,
sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop
is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs
in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed,
"WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle!
I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's
HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we
began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came
to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said,
he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in Fellowship,
feasting on God's Holy Word, and praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.
He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "You fellows don't even know what trouble is until you try to circumcise a bear."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.
The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and was watching
the action.
A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the
field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a
good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest
way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of
how you said it, I accept!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
King Arthur and the Witch:
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring
kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals.
So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year,
he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the
most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.
But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's
proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests,
the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone,
but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous
throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch.
She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights
of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth,
smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden;
but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience,
entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had
ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch,
she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and
the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off
to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer
having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
~
O K gang, as usual, the answer is under Buggs
and I'm sure ya know where that is.

**** Quickies ****
What does Duke Cunningham say to Tom DeLay? "You want the upper bunk 
or the lower bunk"(Jay Leno)
~
Republicans are getting set to take over another branch of 
government: the federal prison system. (Paul Benoit)
~
Most hospitals have two accident wards. One of them is the kitchen. But look on the bright side: The food they serve makes the medicine taste good.
~
I was on vacation in Texas, and was appalled by Dallas' chaotic traffic.

I asked the bellhop at the hotel why it was so disorderly and was told,

"In some countries they drive on the right, in others on the left. Here we drive in the shade."
~
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a
vain attempt to do the same thing."
~

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Shirley's ressypees e-zine
We do take requests!! If you are looking for any particular
recipe,
send your request to: mailto:bigguyhereagain@cogeco.ca

**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.  D.V.M. ****
A woman calls the town psychiatrist and cries,  
"Doctor, you've got to come as soon as possible. My husband  
is in really bad shape!"  
The shrink rushes over.  
The worried wife say, "Thank God you are here, doctor. Just  
go down the hall. He's in the last room on the right."  
The shrink goes in the room and sees the woman's husband  
sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a fishline in  the toilet.  
He goes back to the wife and says, "Yes, this is very  
serious. But why didn't you call me sooner?"  
"Who had time?" the wife asks. "I've been cleaning fish  
all week."   


**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Virtual colonoscopy technology improves  

CHICAGO, -- Computed tomography colonography with computer-  
aided detection is reportedly highly effective for finding  
colon polyps, said scientists Monday in Chicago. The results  
of a large-scale, multi-center study conducted by the  
National Institutes of Health was presented during the  
annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America.  
CT colonography, commonly called virtual colonoscopy, is a  
minimally invasive examination physicians hope will encour-  
age more people to be screened for colon cancer. Virtual  
colonoscopy is desirable because there is no risk of bleed-  
ing or colon perforation and intravenous sedation is  
unnecessary. The procedure is less costly than conventional  
colonoscopy and more convenient, taking 15 minutes or less.  
"The performance of virtual colonoscopy continues to im-  
prove, and the exam will become a colorectal cancer screen-  
ing method more patients and doctors will find acceptable,"  
said the study's senior investigator, Dr. Ronald Summers,  
chief of the clinical image processing service and chief  
of the virtual endoscopy and computer-aided diagnosis  
laboratory at the NIH clinical center in Bethesda, Md.  
Summers predicted soon all physicians who are interpreting  
virtual colonoscopy will want to have CAD readily at hand.  
"I think CAD is soon to become a mainstream technology,"  
he said.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Obesity hinders injection effectiveness  

CHICAGO, -- Scientists at a medical meeting Monday in  
Chicago were told obese women may not be getting the most  
out of vaccines and other injections. "Our study has  
demonstrated a majority of people, especially women, are  
not getting the proper dosage from injections to the  
buttocks," said lead author Dr. Victoria Chan of The  
Adelaide and Meath Hospital in Dublin, Ireland. "We have  
identified a new problem related, in part, to the increas-  
ing amount of fat in patients' buttocks." Many medications  
are administered by injection into buttock muscles, includ-  
ing painkillers, vaccines, contraceptives and anti-nausea  
drugs. Intramuscular injections are commonly used when  
patients cannot swallow oral medications, are fasting for  
a procedure or have a metabolic disorder inhibiting  
absorption of orally ingested medication. The use of in-  
tramuscular injections has increased during the past 10  
years, but Chan's research suggests a majority of the  
injections are largely ineffective. Chan said her study  
indicates 68 percent of intramuscular injections do not  
reach the muscles of the buttock because the fatty tissue  
overlying the muscles exceeds the length of the needles  
used for the injections. The study was presented during  
the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North  
America.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Carotid stenting improves cognition  

CHICAGO, -- Research presented Monday in Chicago indicates  
carotid artery stenting improves cognitive speed and may  
improve memory function in some patients. "To my knowledge  
this is the first study combining neuropsychological test-  
ing and perfusion imaging that screens for silent ischemic  
stroke events that can occur during stenting," said Dr.  
Iris Grunwald, a consultant at Saarland University Clinic  
in Hamburg, Germany. Stroke is the third leading cause of  
death in the United States and, until recently, surgery  
was the standard treatment. But carotid artery stenting  
has emerged as an accepted minimally invasive alternative  
to restore blood flow to the brain. Grunwald and colleagues  
performed carotid artery stenting on 26 patients and re-  
sults showed cognitive speed increased significantly after  
stenting, regardless of the patient's age or the severity  
of the stenosis. "Stenting is a safe way to treat carotid  
artery stenosis," Grunwald said. "In addition, stenting of  
the carotid artery may offer more than reduced stroke risk,  
especially to patients with impaired brain perfusion." The  
research was presented Monday during the annual meeting of  
the Radiological Society of North America in Chicago.  

**** Cool Links ****
Love Always, Patsy Cline Songs 
http://heavens-gates.com/patsycline/patsy_cline_songs.html

**** ON THIS DAY ****

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  
Rancher's Party Dip

1 pound ground sausage-hot or mild
1 pound ground chuck
2 garlic cloves-minced
1/2 onion-finely chopped
1/2 bell pepper-finely chopped
1 cup milk
1 package taco seasoning
28 oz stewed tomatoes
1 jar of salsa-hot or mild
16 oz Velveeta-cubed
salt & pepper

Mix meat, garlic, bell pepper, onion, salt and pepper in skillet. Cook until done. Drain well. Add taco seasoning, salsa and tomatoes. Simmer 10 min. Melt cheese with milk in a saucepan. Dump all ingredients into a 5 qt crockpot and heat on low 2 hours or until hot.
Serve warm with tortilla chips.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beef and Bean Enchiladas
Serves 4; 2 enchiladas per serving

1/2 cup no-salt-added tomato sauce
1/2 cup salsa
8 6-inch corn tortillas
1/2 pound lean ground beef
1 cup canned nonfat refried beans
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 cup shredded low-fat cheddar cheese

In a small bowl, stir together tomato sauce and salsa. Using about
half the tomato sauce mixture, brush both sides of each tortilla.
Stack tortillas on a plate and set aside.
(This allows tortillas to soften.)

In a large skillet, cook beef over medium-high heat until brown,
about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Place in a colander and
rinse under hot water. Drain well. Wipe skillet with a paper towel.
Return beef to skillet. Stir in refried beans, chili powder, cumin
and pepper. Cook and stir for 2 minutes, or until heated through.

Preheat broiler.

Spoon about 1/4 cup of the mixture down the center of each
tortilla. Roll up tortillas and place, seam side down, in a
10x6x2-inch or 9x9x2-inch

glass baking dish. Top with remaining tomato sauce mixture.

Broil 4 inches from the heat for 5 minutes, or until browned.

Sprinkle with cheese. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

Cook's Tip: Not all baking dishes can take the intense heat of
the broiler. Make sure the one you choose has tempered glass
to withstand high heat. Look on the bottom of the dish for an
indication or read the manufacturer's directions that came with
the baking dishes.

Calories: 324 kcal - Protein: 25 g - Carbohydrates: 41 g
Total Fat: 7 g - Saturated Fat: 3 g - Polyunsaturated Fat: 1 g
Monounsaturated Fat: 2 g - Cholesterol: 40 mg - Sodium: 643 mg

From the American Heart Association Quick And Easy Cookbook,
Copyright ) 1995 by the American Heart Association. Published by
Times Books, a division of Random House, Inc. 

 
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