Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

 TUESDAY DECEMBER 06,2005


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

A man called his neighbor to help him move a couch
that had become stuck in the doorway. They got on
either end of the couch and struggled until they were
exhausted, but the couch wouldn't budge.

"Forget it," the man finally gasped. "We'll never get
this in."

A frustrated voice came from the other side of the
couch: "In?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A burglar breaks into the home of a prominent local lawyer.

He takes the lawyer's Christmas gifts from under the tree leaving
the packages for the wife and children alone.

As he is leaving the house, he is apprehended by a policeman.

He confesses to what he has done but tells the policeman that he
can't be arrested.

The policeman asks why, and he responds, "Because the law states
that I'm entitled to the presents of an attorney."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro asks her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf
balls," the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop,
and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and
determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her,
"Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the
sand traps!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How Santa REALLY Knows...


You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So--you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two carrots were walking down the road when a huge truck slammed into one of them. An ambulance was called and they rushed the little fellow off to the hospital where he immediately went into hours of surgery.

Finally the doctor emerged and approached the other carrot who had been anxiously awaiting in the waiting room.

"Tell me" said the carrot, "how is he?"

The doctor replied, "He's going to live, but he'll be a vegetable
for the rest of his life."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The owner of a large rabbit became worried when his pet began to lose weight. None of the remedies of his veterinarian seemed to work. A friend suggested he ignore the prescribed nostrums and use goat's milk to fatten the bunny.

So the owner went to a nearby tallow factory where a young goat dwelt and lived off the fat drippings. Milk from this goat was fed to the declining rabbit but it's weight loss accelerated and its health began to deteriorate alarmingly.

He rushed back to the vet who asked what he had been feeding the rabbit. When told, the vet exclaimed, "Aha! That's the trouble. ... You shouldn't have used that greasy kid stuff on your hare."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the
beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer.
The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be
queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle
it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer is
used for washing our hair."
That's when the other nun tossed in
a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer, saying, "Here, don't
forget the curlers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A priest, a minister and a repairman sat discussing the best
positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best  way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my
hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer
position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he
interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin'
upside down from a telephone pole."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked
the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?"
"Just snow," replied the stewardess.
"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of
me said it was Greece."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.

His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scientists now believe obesity may be caused by a virus, not by
overeating. Let's just hope the obesity virus doesn't get mixed up
with this bird flu.  We could have 200-pound pigeons dumping on our
windshields.
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nun in Hooters
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local
Hooters.The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and
every once in a while the lights would turn off.
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the
restroom?The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that
there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well,in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and
she preceded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out,
and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud
round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did
they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you
like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the
statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My elderly Aunt Minnie and Uncle Max, sat down with us to share Thanksgiving dinner. Before eating, Aunt Minnie speaks up. "So Max, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure Minnie," Max says, waiting to dig into his meal.

"OK. Has our 52 years of marriage made you grateful?"

Max replied. "Please Sweetheart, be more specific. Are you asking me to compare it to the twenty years I was a bachelor!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One afternoon my six-year-old son, Nathan, rushed home with some exciting news: His best friend had just got a dog. I asked Nathan what kind. A poodle, he thought. "How big?" I asked.

"Not very," he replied.

"It must be a miniature or a toy," I suggested.

"It's a miniature," Nathan said decisively. "It couldn't be a toy."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because," he said, "it barked."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just as he was starting to make his pitch for a vote, an old man
came out on the back porch and called to the young man,
"Luke, come on in the house. Who's that man talking to you?"
"Says he's a politician, Pop", replied Luke.
"Well, in that case", says the old man, "better bring the cow in
with you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moses Montefiore, the great nineteenth century philanthropist, once
found himself seated next to an anti Semitic nobleman at a dinner party.
"I have just returned from Japan," the nobleman was saying, "and it
is a most unusual country. Did you know that it has neither pigs nor Jews?"
"In that case," Montefiore replied, "you and I should go there, so it
will have a sample of each."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam was out shopping in the mall when he meets his friend Abe outside the jewelers. Sam notices that Abe has a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "So what have you just purchased Abe?" Sam asks.

"Well, now that you've asked," replies Abe, "it's my Rifka's birthday tomorrow and when I asked her this morning what she wanted for her birthday she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, just give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'"

"So what did you get her?" Sam asks.

Abe replies, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tall Trees

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

Wipe that smile off your face.

**** Quickies ****

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. --Zsa Zsa Gabor

SUBSCRIBE TO:      
RessyPees-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**** HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID ****
I guess greed does breed stupidity
Greenville County, Texas investigators are warning the public
about a pair of swindlers.

Deputies said a woman was in the parking lot of Wal-Mart when she
was approached by another woman, who told the victim that she had
$8,000 in cash, but did not like the serial numbers on the money
and wanted to exchange it with the victim.

The victim was asked to go to her bank with another woman, withdraw
$6,000 and give it to the suspect, and in turn she would receive
the $8,000.

When the victim withdrew the money and gave it to the woman,
the woman and the man left without giving the victim anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tony Roberts of Grant's Pass, Oregon is recovering this week after
doctors at Portland's University Hospital removed an arrow from
his brain. According to Roberts, he let a friend try and shoot
a beer can off his head. The arrow entered Roberts' right eye,
traveled through his brain and came out the back of his skull. The
accident occurred during an initiation ceremony into a club called
"Mountain Men Anonymous...apparently being president of Morons
Anonymous just wasn't enough...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Angela Coqueran has filed suit in New York state after the
manager of a Manhattan McDonalds restaurant refused to sell the
37-year-old woman a Happy Meal so she could get her Teenie Beanie
Baby collectible toy. Her attorney claims the manager is clearly
in violation of "Happy Meal rules..." which, as you know, carries
the death penalty...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PETA Ad Attepts To Kill Children's Desire For Meat
Look out kids - your daddy's a killer! At least that's what People
for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA, would like children
to believe. Their disturbing new campaign is an effort to scare
children into becoming vegetarians. The group, known for such antics
as attacking women in fur coats with fake blood, is now making comic
books that portray fathers as homicidal maniacs. Their handout,
called "Your Daddy Kills Animals," features a grinning crazy man
gutting a fish, and warns youngsters to keep their puppies and
kittens away from Dad because he's "hooked on killing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** WEIRD HAPPENINS ****
A Phoenix news crew with hidden cameras went around the city to
see if the homeless people would actually accept work as their
cardboard signs claimed. They offered $20 to each homeless person
in exchange for one hour of landscaping work.
The result is not surprising.
Homeless people would rather stand at street corners to wait for
hand-outs than do actual work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judge Says 'Urine Trouble Now!'

FOND DU LAC, Wis. - A judge in Fond du Lac, Wis., is making people
who urinate in public apologize in writing to the city's residents
and downtown business owners. The Fond du Lac Reporter publishes
the letters - like the one in which Michael Huebner of Madison,
Wis., wrote: "I am so terribly sorry for urinating outside of a
public place in your city.  It was not a very intelligent thing
to do." The convicted leaker added, "I'm really sorry for having
to waste space in The Reporter so you can read this." Nick Vogt
got busted in his hometown. In his letter, he promised to "make
sure that, in the future, I will act in a more appropriate way."

A family in Madrid, Spain complained to their baker this week
after finding a human finger inside a fresh-baked loaf. Turned
out it belonged to the baker, who had lost in the bread machine
that morning... thanks, but I'd still really rather have my
Beanie Baby...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police in Korea have charged Kim Yong-se with murder for killing
a fellow church elder by throwing a bible at his head... in times
like these, always turn to the Scriptures...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After returning from a Burger King in Deltona, Florida, Henry
Snowden was surprised to find his order was wrong. Along with his
burger and fries, Snowden found a pouch containing $4000 in cash.
A restaurant employee had hidden the bank deposit in a Burger
King bag to deter thieves, and another employee handed it to
Mr. Snowden with his order... honest, I thought it was just a
really GOOD value meal...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Sorry
When police found a plastic bag of powder in Michael Horne's
pickup truck, there was a difference of opinion. Police said it
was methamphetamine. Horne insisted it was the ashes of his dead
grandmother. Testing seemed to confirm the police theory. But
after Horne lost his job, his pickup, his apartment, and spent a
month in jail, further tests revealed he was telling the truth...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Direct Casket company of New York City is now selling coffins
in retail stores for 50 to 75 percent less than funeral parlor
prices. The company also guarantees delivery anywhere in the
continental U.S within 24 hours, in case you're in a hurry...
but you'll still have to dig the shallow grave yourself...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Terrible Tickler is still on the loose in Glastonbury,
Connecticut. Over the past four years, eleven women in this small
town have been awakened in the middle of the night by someone
tickling their feet. Police suspect the culprit is a male, but are
unsure because none of the victims has ever gotten a good look at
the perpetrator... Tickle My Elmo...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Radio listeners in Crestview, Florida heard silence, then a thump
as veteran broadcaster George Cain suffered a brain aneurysm in the
middle of his morning program on WSJB... this just in-- I'm dead...

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&& 
You can join The Funnies
IT'S  FREE
To subscribe, Click on link below
25438-subscribe@zinester.com
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.  D.V.M. ****
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say
frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've
just three things to tell you."

"First, your weight needs reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty would be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick.

And third, I'm an artist - the doctor lives on the next floor."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit
to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she
shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know." The doctor said, placing a reassuring hand
on her shoulder, "I get asked all the time. Sex is fine
until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to
know if I can still mow the lawn."


**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Internet boards can benefit diabetics  

BOSTON, -- A Joslin Diabetes Center study in Boston indi-  
cates diabetics benefit through participation in Internet-  
based diabetic discussion groups. Researchers examined the  
impact of Joslin's Online Discussion Boards -- Internet  
forums in which people with diabetes can share thoughts  
and experiences, The boards (at http://www.joslin.org/)  
allow people to post questions or comments about their  
diabetes-related concerns. The postings are moderated by  
a team of specialists, including physicians, dietitians  
and psychologists. "There's a strong therapeutic effect  
from posting on the board," said lead investigator John  
Zrebiec, a Joslin clinical social worker and a lecturer  
at Harvard Medical School. Zrebiec tracked more than  
330,000 board visits during a six-year period. In 1999  
and again in 2004, satisfaction surveys were sent to some  
of the boards' registered users. Nearly 75 percent of  
respondents said the boards helped them cope with diabetes,  
while 71 percent said participation helped them feel more  
hopeful. Researchers say the study suggests Internet-based  
groups are particularly valuable since they allow people  
to come together at any time in a non-threatening venue  
for discussing particularly sensitive concerns. The study  
appears in the November/December issue of The Diabetes  
Educator.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

    Molecule identified in prostate cancer  

CHAPEL HILL, N.C., -- University of North Carolina at Chapel  
Hill researchers say they have identified a molecule that  
stimulates the aggressive growth of prostate cancer. The  
molecule, Ack1 -- a member of the growth-promoting tyrosine  
kinase gene family -- stimulates tumor formation, in part by  
signaling prostate cells to rid themselves of a tumor-  
suppressor protein. Normally, this suppressor protein would  
inhibit rapid cell growth by signaling the cell to destroy  
itself. A report on the study, which appeared Nov. 15 in  
the journal Cancer Research, also points to Ack1 as a poten-  
tial target for developing novel drugs against prostate  
cancer. The study's senior author, Dr. Shelton Earp, a pro-  
fessor of cancer research, pharmacology and medicine, said  
tests of Ack1 demonstrate a profound effect on tumor growth  
in experimental systems. "It's a remarkable effect," said  
Earp. "Tumors grew more rapidly and invaded as if they were  
converted to advanced prostate cancer." Another major find-  
ing involved an experimental drug developed by the National  
Cancer Institute called geldanamycin. In laboratory tests,  
the researchers found Ack1 activity could be inhibited by  
that drug through interference with the cells' molecular  
interactions, offering a target for treatment.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

Gene pathway offers new therapeutic target  

BALTIMORE, -- Johns Hopkins scientists in Baltimore have  
discovered a gene pathway that might lead to new treatments  
for such diseases as multiple sclerosis. The researchers at  
the university's Kimmel Cancer Center say the gene pathway  
linked with a deadly form of leukemia may provide a new way  
to treat autoimmune diseases. Their tests in cell cultures  
and mice suggest blocking the pathway by interfering with a  
blood cell growth gene known as FLT3 targets an immune  
system cell often ignored in favor of T-cell targets in  
standard therapies. FLT3, which controls the development of  
healthy blood cells, was identified as a treatment target  
in patients with acute myeloid leukemia, a blood cell  
cancer, several years ago by the same Johns Hopkins invest-  
igators. In the current work, the team confirmed the gene  
is activated in dendritic cells. "Someday, using a drug to  
block FLT3 gene signaling could stop dendritic cells from  
triggering harmful responses against a patient's own body,"  
said Dr. Donald Small. The findings appear in the Nov. 15  
issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of  
Sciences.  


**** ON THIS DAY ****

Santa In A Pickup

I've been a little bit worried
'bout Santa Claus this year
Cause we live down south
And it doesn't snow down here!
I'm telling you not to worry
Cause I just got the word
Everybody listen closely
And I'll tell you what I heard
 
"Santa's coming in a pickup
Instead of his trusty sleigh
He'll have a truck
'stead of reindeer
To carry him on his way.
Weatherman had a problem
He couldn't get snow you see
So
Santa's gonna come in a pickup truck
When he visits you and me!
 
Santa can't bring his reindeer
He'll leave them far away
But don't you worry 'bout him
He's gonna be here Christmas day
 
He's got a big red pickup
With four-wheel drive and all
And there's gonna be
a Merry Christmas,
A Merry Christmas
for us all !


**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****
1901 Cowboy singer, songwriter and film star Ray Whitley  
born near Atlanta  

1922 Songwriter and pianist Don Robertson ("I Really Don't  
Want to Know," "Please Help Me I'm Falling") born in Peking,  
China  

1947 Jim Messina, one-time member of the Buffalo Springfield,  
Poco and Loggins & Messina, born in Maywood, Calif.  

1963 Tyler England born in Oklahoma  

1967 Gary Allan born Gary Herzberg in Montibello, Calif.  
  
1964 Bonanza star Lorne Greene's single of "Ringo" charted  
  
1987 Ricky Van Shelton scored his first No. 1 with "Somebody  
Lied"  
  
1987 Singer-songwriter Molly O'Day died at age 64 in  
Huntington, W.Va.  

1996 Wilf Carter ("Montana Slim") died  
  
1956 George Morgan, Don Gibson, Billy Grammer, Johnnie  
Wright, Kitty Wells, The Jordanaires, Faron Young, Ferlin  
Husky, Justin Tubb, Stonewall Jackson & Ray Price are  
dismissed from the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1968 Killers Three, a film featuring Merle Haggard, debuts  
in the theatres  
  
2000 The O Brother, Where Art Thou soundtrack released   



**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Elegant Eggnog

Provided by: SPLENDA?®
"Easy reduced-fat, reduced-sugar eggnog that delivers all the flavor of
traditional eggnog. If you do not wish to use rum, use 2 tablespoons of
vanilla extract in its place." Original recipe yield: 15 (4 ounce)
servings.
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup SPLENDA?® No Calorie Sweetener, Granular 1 tablespoon arrowroot
or cornstarch
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
7 egg yolks
4 cups milk
2 cups fat-free half-and-half
1 cup dark rum
DIRECTIONS:
MIX together first 3 ingredients in a large heavy saucepan. Set aside.
WHISK egg yolks; add to SPLENDA?® Granular mixture whisking until
blended. Gradually whisk in milk.
COOK over low heat, whisking constantly until the temperature reaches
175 degrees, approximately (5 to 8 minutes). Remove from heat and whisk
in half and half; cool.
COVER and chill 3 hours or up to 3 days. Stir in rum or vanilla just
before serving.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Creamy Fruit Dip
(Yield: 3-1/2 cups)
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 (8-ounce) container sour cream
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon lemon extract
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 cup milk
1 (3-1/2 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding mix
Assorted fresh fruit

In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese and brown sugar; beat until smooth. Add sour cream, extracts, and cinnamon; beat until smooth. Add milk; mix well.
Add pudding mix; beat for 2 minutes. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Serve with fruit. 
 
 

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

How do you hypnotize someone?

Hypnosis is portrayed as a procedure which introduces a subject into a mental state where they can be made to recollect knowledge not consciously accessible, accept instructions and commands, or be given instructions ("post-hypnotic suggestion") that can be triggered when the subject has left the hypnotized state.

The act of inducing a hypnotic state is referred to as an induction procedure. There is no current consensus on what the requirements are for an induction procedure to be effective; while some practitioners use simple calming verbal techniques, others use complex triggers, including mechanical devices.

Example of a standard hypnotic suggestion session:

* Two or more physical exercises are performed whereby the subject relaxes every part of the body by following verbal instructions from the hypnotist.

* Next, there are usually two or more visualization exercises which trigger the subconscious mind into creative mental imagery, causing the body to relax even more while lowering the brain frequency.

(Note: The preceding two steps are the hypnotic induction.)

* Then the beneficial suggestions are given to the exposed subconscious mind. There may be as many or as few suggestions as desired. The suggestions may be simple or complex.

* After the suggestions, there is a short awakening procedure.




**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/

Weather Summary:
A very cold night for Monday night as lows drop to around 12 degrees. A
fast moving fairly weak system will bring clouds later Monday night and
could bring some light snow late Monday night and the first part on
Tuesday. Nothing big but some small accumulations will be possible. That
system will slide out of here by later on Tuesday and even colder for
Tuesday night with lows dropping into the single digits for the first
time this season. Wednesday is a dry and cold day. A developing storm
will take shape Wednesday in the southern plains and will move into the
northern Gulf area on Thursday. A "trough" of low pressure will extend
up into this area giving us a pretty good chance of some snow by
Thursday. It`s too early to say for sure but accumulations look very
possible with this system with higher amounts in the south. More on this
as we get closer. There does look to be a little warmer weather on the
way for the weekend.

-- Jesse Walker

Weather Factoid:
The first 5 days of December have been 10.5
degrees BELOW normal.

Monday Night
Becoming Cloudy
Low 12

Tuesday
Some Light Snow Possible
High 25

Tuesday Night
Partly Cloudy
Low 7

Wednesday
Partly Sunny
High 22
Low 7

Thursday
Snow Possible
High 25
Low 12

Friday
Early Snow Possible
High 28
Low 12

Saturday
Partly Sunny
High 35
Low 15

Sunday
Partly Sunny
High 36
Low 20



****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
You know times are tough when the school system is
recruiting school bus drivers in the lobby of traffic court.


TOON TIME

Let Me In
http://buffalosjokes.com/11131.htm

Happy New Year
http://buffalosjokes.com/11130.htm

Crossing
http://buffalosjokes.com/01020545.htm

happy week
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/nap1grate.html
 
Ziggy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/nap2grate.html

Burglars Beware
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/017.htm

Irony
http://buffalosjokes.com/11134.htm

Best Maid Plans
http://buffalosjokes.com/11133.htm

Fast Food
http://buffalosjokes.com/11132.htm

Milk
http://buffalosjokes.com/11140.htm

Get The Message
http://buffalosjokes.com/11138.htm

Honda 18 Seater
http://buffalosjokes.com/11139.htm

Beware Of Dog
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/020.htm

Irony
http://buffalosjokes.com/11134.htm

Best Maid Plans
http://buffalosjokes.com/11133.htm

Fast Food
http://buffalosjokes.com/11132.htm




LAST CALL Y'ALL

A man once saw a very beautiful woman and became infatuated with her. Unfortunately, she didnt notice him. Frustrated, he went to see a group of witches to get a love potion from them. "We don't give love potions anymore," said the witches, "we've decided it's too unethical. But we will help you."

They then gave him a bag of small white tablets. "Bury one of these in front of her home every night for a month," they said, then sent him away.

A month later the man returned to the witches. "Everything's great!" he exclaimed. "We met, she fell in love with me and now we are to be married. I'm amazed!"

"It's really no surprise," said the witches. "Remember: Nothin says lovin like something from the Coven, and pills buried says it best!"

That's all folks
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Hey, Let's be careful out there
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