THE FUNNIES
TOP TEN SATURDAY

The top 10 country singles:  
  
1. Dierks Bentley -- Come A Little Closer  
2. Kenny Chesney -- Who You'd Be Today  
3. Joe Nichols -- Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off  
4. Garth Brooks -- Good Ride Cowboy  
5. Billy Currington -- Must Be Doin' Somethin' Right  
6. Toby Keith -- Big Blue Note  
7. George Strait -- She Let Herself Go  
8. Carrie Underwood -- Jesus, Take The Wheel  
9. Faith Hill -- Like We Never Loved At All  
10. Trace Adkins -- Honky Tonk Badonkadonk  


The top 10 country albums:  
  
1. Carrie Underwood -- Some Hearts  
2. Kenny Chesney -- The Road And The Radio  
3. Johnny Cash -- The Legend Of Johnny Cash  
4. Rascal Flatts -- Feels Like Today  
5. Faith Hill -- Fireflies  
6. Big & Rich -- Comin' To Your City  
7. Reba McEntire -- Reba: #1's  
8. Martina McBride -- Timeless  
9. Sugarland -- Twice The Speed Of Life  
10. Trace Adkins -- Songs About Me  


The top 10 Christian singles:  

1. MercyMe -- Joseph's Lullaby  
2. Casting Crowns -- Lifesong  
3. Third Day -- Cry Out To Jesus  
4. Jeremy Camp -- This Man  
5. Steven Curtis Chapman -- All I Really Want  
6. Mark Schultz -- I Am  
7. Mark Schultz -- The First Noel  
8. MercyMe -- In The Blink Of An Eye  
9. Chris Tomlin -- Angels We Have Heard On High  
10. Big Daddy Weave -- Go Tell It On The Mountain  

The top 10 DVD rentals:  

1. Mr. and Mrs. Smith -- FoxVideo  
2. War Of The Worlds -- DreamWorks Home Entertainment  
3. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo -- Sony Pictures Home  
   Entertainment  
4. The Polar Express (Full Screen) -- Warner Home Video  
5. Sky High -- Walt Disney Home Entertainment  
6. March of the Penguins -- Warner Home Video  
7. The Skeleton Key -- Universal Studios Home Video  
8. Christmas With The Kranks -- Sony Pictures Home  
   Entertainment  
9. Madagascar -- DreamWorks Home Entertainment  
10. Stealth -- Sony Pictures Home Entertainment  
  

Top 10 DVD sales:  
  
1. Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Widescreen) -- FoxVideo  
2. Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Full Screen) -- FoxVideo  
3. March of the Penguins (Widescreen) -- Warner Home Video  
4. Family Guy: Volume 3: Season 4 -- FoxVideo  
5. War of the Worlds (Widescreen) -- DreamWorks Home  
   Entertainment  
6. The Polar Express (Full Screen) -- Warner Home Video  
7. The Polar Express: Gift Set -- Warner Home Video  
8. Sky High (Full Screen) -- Walt Disney Home Entertainment  
9. Madagascar (Widescreen) -- DreamWorks Home Entertainment  
10. The Polar Express (Widescreen) -- Warner Home Video


The top 10 singles:  

1. Chris Brown -- Run It!  
2. Mariah Carey -- Don't Forget About Us  
3. D4L -- Laffy Taffy  
4. Nelly Featuring Paul Wall, Ali & Gipp -- Grillz  
5. Nickelback -- Photograph  
6. Kanye West Featuring Jamie Foxx -- Gold Digger  
7. The Pussycat Dolls -- Stickwitu  
8. Eminem -- When I'm Gone  
9. The Black Eyed Peas -- My Humps  
10. Kelly Clarkson -- Because Of You  


The top 10 albums:  
  
1. Eminem -- Curtain Call: The Hits  
2. Lil' Wayne -- Tha Carter II  
3. Korn -- See You On The Other Side  
4. Various Artists -- Now 20  
5. Carrie Underwood -- Some Hearts  
6. Kenny Chesney -- The Road And The Radio  
7. Nickelback -- All The Right Reasons  
8. Mariah Carey -- The Emancipation Of Mimi  
9. The Black Eyed Peas -- Monkey Business  
10. Enya -- Amarantine     

A New York judge is ready to go through the day's business and
he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly Jewish
gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.

The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk:
"Quick...get me a translator."

Translator shows up and the judge says: "Ask him what his name is,
how old is he and where does he come from?"

The translator says: "Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein namen,
vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?"

The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect English
with a British accent: "Your Honour. My name is Sir Chaim Ginsbug. I
shall be 82 next Thursday and I've come from England where I hold
the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at Oxford University."

The translator turns to the judge and says: "Ehr zukt, ehr is
Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt, und ehr is,
mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun Oxford."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was recently talking with a friend who bemoaned her family's lack
of holiday rituals. "My family doesn't have any traditions," she
complained. "We just do the same thing year after year after year."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The scene: After Groucho Marx has crossed out most of the sections
of a proposed contract, ...

Groucho: "party of the first part, nah, we don't need that."

Chico: "And what's a that."

Groucho: "Oh, that's a standard clause. We need this one. It says
that if one of the parties isn't legally sane, then the contract
is void. It's the sanity clause."

Chico: "Ahh, you canna foola me. ... I know there's no sanity
clause!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Sir,

My name is Al Key Hada and since 9-11, my life has been hell.
I work in a
transmission shop in southern Arkansas and make about 8
dollars and hour. I called the local airline and when I
tried to make a  reservation, they wouldn't do it.
They asked me, "Are you really Al Key Hada?

"Yep, that's me born and bred Al Key Hada" I responded.

Thirty minutes later the FBI, CIA, the local police, INS, and the
Arkansas
state Police Showed up at my house, searched me, my home and
impounded my
collection of cherry bombs and m-80's. They took me in,
fingerprinted me and took photos of me. Heck they didn't
even give me a copy of the photo!

They asked me why I wanted to fly to New York City. I told them
I was
supposed to visit my uncle Sam Laden. He is old, about 92 years
old and his middle name is Ben.
We call him 'Ole Sam Ben Laden. When I told them that Ole Sam Ben
Laden is in New York, they just about had a cow.

After they feed me a moonpie and an RC cola, I told them my son was
going to
go with me. They asked me if he was Al Key Hada? I said, "Yep, he
is Al Key Hada jr" He works in the local garment plant and tears
up old garments. He is a tearist.
The FBI just about had kittens when I mentioned he was a tearist.

So please, after you read this letter do what you can to free
my family.

Regards, Al Key Hada, and Al Key Hada Jr for 'Ole Sam Ben Laden
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Health activists are putting an initiative on the
California ballot to raise the price of cigarettes to
$6.00 a pack.

So not only is the cost of living going up, so is the
cost of dying. - Jay Leno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah-hh, College Life

A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the
lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket
pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the
lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball,
place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever
understood why he did this, until one day. . ..

A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed
a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up
the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely
on the top of the head.

The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his
jacket, removed a baseball. . . No one ever fell asleep in his class
the rest of the semester!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID ****
A man who allegedly tried to rob a shop in Nashville, Tennessee,
has been overpowered, stripped naked and wrapped in tape.

He was tackled and subdued by an employee and a delivery truck
driver at the Dollar General store, before being taken to a street
corner to wait for police.

Leon Balls is charged with five counts of attempted aggravated
robbery.

Police said Balls walked up to a loading dock behind the store
with his shirt pulled over his face and told employees unloading
a truck that he had a gun.

Balls is being held in custody with prison provided clothing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Family Spreads Christmas Fear

NEW YORK - A family erected a bloody Santa Claus display outside
a New York home that has scared children and riled neighbors, The
New York Post reported Tuesday. The display features a Santa with
a bloody beard wielding a knife in one hand and a severed doll's
head -- blood gushing from its eyes -- in the other. Beheaded
Barbie dolls also decorate a bare tree. Non-practicing Jews
Joel Krupnik and wife Mildred Castellanos said their scary Santa
display protests the commercialization of Christmas. "Christmas has
religious origins. It's in the Bible," Krupnik told the newspaper.
"Santa is not in the Bible. He's not a religious symbol.
Santa Claus has become a piece of Americana."

These folks are a real piece of work -Jb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A department store Santa on his way home for the night was
beaten up by stressed-out Christmas shoppers in Germany. Stefan
Stettler from Wiesbaden, was still in character and chatting to
other passengers while waiting for his train home. Police say two
men, allegedly stressed after a full day's Christmas shopping,
lost their patience when asked to "tell Santa what they want for
Christmas". The men took Stettler's sack of presents and beat him
over the head with it, breaking his fingers as he tried to protect
himself. Stettler said: "Around this time of year shoppers seem to
get this glint in their eyes and you can just see they are going
to go off any minute. "I should have known better but come on,
who beats up Santa Claus?" Police are still searching for the men
but have no clue as to their identities.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Least Competent Criminals

(1) Barbara King, 35, was arrested in Largo, Fla., in October on a
warrant for forgery and prescription fraud; when police knocked on
her door, a man told them that she wasn't home, but a 4-year-old
girl standing alongside said, "Mommy's in the closet!"

(2) Police in Memphis, Tenn., reported in October that they had
closed down a crack house on Rosamond Street, a task made easier
because the resident usually announced the start of business
hours by hanging out a sign reading, "Crack House."  {Duh!!! Maybe
they've smoked too much?}

(3) Christina Goodenow, 38, of Medford, Ore., was arrested in
October for using a stolen credit card, but a conviction would
be especially disastrous for her since she just won $1 million
in the lottery with a $1 ticket she bought with the credit card
(thus voiding the ticket).  [St. Petersburg Times, 10-26-05]
[WREG-TV (Memphis), 10-16-05] [CNN-AP, 10-28-05]


**** WEIRD HAPPENINS ****
A British school is asking parents to donate toilet paper so it
has more cash to spend on educating pupils.

The school is facing a budget deficit of more than $10,000 and is
set to lose staff.
~~~~~~~~~~
I guess we start'em young
An Indiana cafeteria worker thought it was odd that a fourth grader
would pay for his lunch with a $50 bill. The cashier also noticed
that the texture of the paper wasn't right.

The cashier alerted the school's police officer who asked the
10-year-old about the money.

"He reached into his front pocket and pulled out more,"

The discovery led to the arrest of three fourth-graders where
police and school officials confiscated $150 in counterfeit money.

The 10-year-old boy with most of the fake money told police he
printed it on his computer the previous night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When You Know You Have Too Much Money..

AUSTRALIA - You know you have too much money when you try to outdo
others by purchasing the biggest private submarine.  Paul Allen,
co-founder with Bill Gates of Microsoft, recently bought a
submarine big enough to hold 10 people. The craft is docked
inside Octopus, his 126m vessel, and is said to be the world's
largest yacht. According to Plymouth-based submarine designer
Paul Moorhouse, two oil billionaires in the Emirates are owners
of submarines that offer pressurized overnight accommodations.
"You have to be weird to want one," he declared. "They cost at
least pound stg. 10million ($23.3 million) to build."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coupon Promotion Becomes A Dirty Business

NEW YORK - Dumpster-diving has reached new depths in the United
States, with a rush for frequent-flier coupons printed on the
side of Wendy's restaurant cups. Under the promotion that began
last month, Wendy's and Florida-based discount airline AirTran are
offering free frequent-flyer rewards on the sides of 84 million 20-
and 32-ounce cups.  Just 64 coupons are worth a round-trip flight
anywhere AirTran flies. Now, the hungry and homeless are being
jostled by entrepreneurs who aren't afraid to get dirty, with many
of them even offering their salvaged coupons on Internet auction
sites, the Christian Science Monitor reported. On Craigslist,
buyers are soliciting coupons for upwards of $1.50 each, more than
the retail value of a Wendy's soft drink.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bank Has No Time For Complaining Customers

LONDON - A chain of British banks is removing clocks from its
branches to reduce the amount of grumbling among customers waiting
in line. As part of a planned $250 million corporate makeover,
NatWest spokesman Ronan Kelleher said research showed that customers
tend to complain more if they are reminded how long they have been
waiting in line. He said a survey by the bank also found clocks were
not something that would "enhance" the banking experience, Sky News
reported. A time element for the clock removal was not given. I'm
sure customers' watches will be confiscated before getting in line.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Old Yellow Shirt
The baggy yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets
trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front.  It was faded from years
of wear, but still in decent shape.  I found it in 1963 when I was home
from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom
intended to give away.  "You're not taking that old thing, are you?" Mom
said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt.  "I wore that when I was
pregnant with your brother in 1954!"
 
"It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class,
 
Mom.  Thanks!"  I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object.
The yellow shirt be came a part of my college wardrobe.  I loved it.
After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment
and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.
 
The next year, I married.  When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow
shirt during big-belly days.  I missed Mom and the rest of my family,
since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois.  But that shirt
helped.  I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was
pregnant, 15 years earlier.
 
That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I
patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom.  When
Mom wrote to thank me for her "real" gifts, she said the yellow shirt
was lovely.  She never mentioned it again.
 
The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to
pick up some furniture.  Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table,
I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom.  The shirt!
 
And so the pattern was set.
 
On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's
mattress.  I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost
two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our
living-room floor lamp.  The yellow shirt was just what I needed now
while refinishing furniture.  The walnut stains added character.
 
In 1975 my husband and I divorced.  With my three children, I prepared
to move back to Illinois.  As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I
wondered if I could make it on my own.   I wondered if I would find a
job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort.  In Ephesians, I
read, "So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he
attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up."
 
I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the
stained yellow shirt.  Slowly, it dawned on me.  Wasn't my mother's love
a piece of God's armor?  My courage was renewed.
 
Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother.
The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer.
 
Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station.  A year later I
discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet.
Something new had been added.  Embroidered in bright green across the
breast pocket were the words "I BELONG TO PAT."

 
Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an
apostrophe and seven more letters.  Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, "I
BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER."  But I didn't stop there.  I zig-zagged all the
frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom
from Arlington, VA.  We enclosed an official looking letter from "The
Institute for the Destitute," announcing that she was the recipient of
an award for good deeds.  I would have given anything to see Mom's face
when she opened the box.  But, of course, she never mentioned it.
 
Two years later, in 1978, I remarried.  The day of our wedding, Harold
and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After
the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached
for a pillow in the car to rest my head.  It felt lumpy.  I unzipped the
case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt.  Inside a
pocket was a note:  "Read John 14:27-29.  I love you both, Mother."
 
That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the
verses: "I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the
peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives.  So don't be
troubled or afraid.  Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I
will come back to you again.  If you really love me, you will be very
happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am.
I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do,
you will believe in me."
 
The shirt was Mother's final gift.  She had known for three months that
she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease.  Mother died the following year
at age
57.
 
I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave.  But I'm
glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game
she and I played for 16 years.  Besides, my older daughter is in college
now, majoring in art.  And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt
with big pockets.



**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Parkinson's may be helped by cell implants  

BIRMINGHAM, Ala., -- A University of Alabama preliminary  
study suggests implants of cells from the human retina  
improved motor symptoms in patients with Parkinson disease.  
Parkinson disease is a neurodegenerative disorder, with  
most patients requiring the medication levodopa to control  
symptoms. But disease progression and long-term oral treat-  
ment with levodopa may lead to the development of motor  
fluctuations and dyskinesias. Human retinal pigment epithe-  
lial cells produce levodopa and can be isolated from post  
mortem human eye tissue, grown in culture, and then  
implanted into a brain attached to microcarriers. Research-  
ers say such implants ameliorated the motor deficits in  
animal models of Parkinson disease. Dr. Natividad Stover  
of the University of Alabama-Birmingham and colleagues  
conducted an open-label pilot study to evaluate the effect  
of such implants. Six patients with advanced Parkinson  
disease received cell implants. The researchers performed  
efficacy evaluations at one and three months after surgery,  
and then at six, nine, 12, 15, 18 and 24 months. "We  
observed an average improvement of 48 percent at 12 months  
after implantation...," the authors wrote. Improvement was  
also observed in activities of daily living, quality of  
life, and motor fluctuations. The study appears in the  
December issue of Archives of Neurology.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


200 proteins show liver diseases  

NAVARRA, Spain, -- A University of Navarra biochemist,  
Enrique Santamaria Martinez, has identified more than 200  
proteins that might be indicators of liver disease. The  
proteins not only affect the progression of steatohepatitis  
and liver hepatitis, he said they also provide a basis for  
new lines of research into improving the diagnosis and  
treatment of cancer. Santamaria said his work allows  
clinical practitioners to discover "the alteration of pro-  
teins in the liver and, as a result, to discern the bio-  
logical malfunctions associated with them, at a much  
earlier stage than permitted by conventional diagnostic  
methods alone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   


 Gene ID'd connecting brain and spinal cord  

WAIKOLOA, Hawaii, -- Stanford University scientists say  
they've identified a specific gene that's necessary for  
developing connections between the brain and the spinal  
cord. The National Institutes of Health-funded study  
could be critical for future understanding of the  
development of the human brain and possibly the treatment  
of spinal cord injuries, researchers said. During fetal  
development, genes "instruct" nerve cells on how and  
where to develop. Researchers examined the plasticity of  
fetal cells to better understand at what developmental  
period cells are specialized, limited in their ability  
to take on new characteristics -- or undifferentiated,  
able to be take on new function or characteristics. The  
major finding of the study was that in developing mice  
that lack Fezl, a DNA-binding protein, normal connections  
to the spinal cord failed to form. Instead, the brain  
cells that usually form the spinal cord made inappropriate  
connections to other parts of the brain. The result led  
the researchers to determine Fezl is necessary for proper  
development of neural connections to the spinal cord. The  
findings were presented this week during the American  
College of Neuropsychopharmacology's annual meeting in  
Waikoloa, Hawaii.

  
**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/

Weather Summary:
Fair and cold for Friday night with lows in the lower 22`s. Saturday
will be partly sunny and cool with highs in the mid 30`s. An upper air
system will spread clouds back in by Saturday night and could bring some
light snow for part of Sunday. It will start cold next week with Monday
only having highs in the mid 20`s! Next week will be dominated by high
pressure which means dry weather and temperatures warming back above
normal by next Friday. An early look at Christmas weekend is for
temperatures normal to above so it still does not look good for a white
Christmas.

-- Jesse Walker

Weather Factoid:
Jupiter will rise earlier each day during December and shine brightly
high in the southeast in morning twilight. The fainter star Spica will
be off to its upper right (south).

Friday Night
Fair and Cold
Low 22

Saturday
Partly Sunny
High 35

Saturday Night
Mostly Cloudy, Some Lt. Snow Possible Late
Low 22

Sunday
Some Light Snow Possible
High 32
Low 22

Monday
Partly Sunny
High 26
Low 12

Tuesday
Partly Sunny
High 32
Low 15

Wednesday
Partly Sunny
High 35
Low 20

Thursday
Partly Sunny
High 38
Low 20

Friday
Partly Sunny
High 42
Low 23



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Hey, Let's be careful out there
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