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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

THURSDAY DECEMBER 22,2005


THOUGHT FOR TODAY:The trouble with doing something
right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking
for a place to stop and picnic.  The first blonde says,
"Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of
the road." They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in
the middle of the road.
All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to
swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.
The one blonde says to the other,
"See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of
his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get
some fast wheels to make up the difference. After
shopping around a while, he decided that the
Datsun 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes
to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to
buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want
everybody who sees me roaring past to know
who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique
opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees
to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his
days roaring happily down the highway at top speed.
And whenever anyone would see him zooming by,
they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kimberly had her daughter Marie, a fourth-grader, assist her in harvesting some vegetables in their garden. "What is that purple thing?" asked Marie. Kimberly replied, "That's an eggplant." "An eggplant?" Marie exclaimed. "I thought only chickens had eggs!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inheriting a Fortune

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower
father died, Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted
a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to
her,
"but within a month or two, my father will pass and I'll inherit
over 20 million dollars."
The woman went home with Robert, and.....
four days later
she became his stepmother.
Men will never learn !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Usually stoically independent, I was glad to be holding my husband's hand while making my first clumsy attempts at walking after having had a heavy cast removed from my foot. "I feel as though I'm walking with a jerk," I said.

I noticed a passerby grinning and glanced up at my supportive husband. I was surprised to see the same grin on his face. "Gee, thanks Hon," he said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married,
Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now
ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was
coming.

Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up
during the pause to offer a reason 'why this couple should not be
married'. His reception wasn't disrupted by streakers or strippers,
and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect
working order.

When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even
checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved).
Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away
unscathed, the couple fell into bed and put their attention to
consummating the union.

Upon waking after such an active night, the couple was ravenous so
Bill called down to room service and asked 'Can I get breakfast for
two?'. Before he was able to hang up, however, a soft voice from under
the bed said 'Make that five...'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE FACTS OF LIFE

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and
stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to
live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in
rats.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
a warning to others.

Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because
the average man can see better than he can think.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence
on society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from
where you left them to where you can't find them.

Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan
will not be evenly distributed.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live
forever.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by
then your body and your fat are really good friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the
 state,
consumers were worried, for their debt was so great.

The shoppers, they lie tense in their beds,
as visions of credit cards danced through their heads.

They bought goodies and gifts without any plan,
now they lie wakeful, wondering how things got so
 out of hand.

With no money to spare, and presents under the tree,
all they can think of is 'Oh, woe is me!'

Then comes the thought as they lie wide-eyed
 nervous...
'I should have taken the advice of the Consumer
 Credit Counseling Service.'

They told me to budget. They suggested I save.
Instead I just spent and continually gave.

I gave them my Visa, Master Card, my American
 Express.
Oh, why did I go to such an excess?

They said, 'Set a spending limit.' for each person I
knew, and when using credit cards, 'Use just a few.'

They wanted me to shop while rested, and do at a
 leisurely pace,
But I waited 'til the last minute. It seemed like a race.

They said 'Exchange names between family and  friends.
Start new traditions so excessive gift giving ends.'

They suggested I make gifts rather than buy.
Now I'm in debt. I just want to cry.

A lesson can be learned from the tale told here.
Start saving and plan early for next year!
~~~~~~~~~~~Christine~~~~~~~~~~~
George and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all.

They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one big dog
fight. They agreed that they would have five years to breed the best
fighting dogs in the world and whose ever dog won would be entitled to
dominate the world.

Osama and his dog handler Mohammed found the biggest, meanest Dobermans
and Rottweilers in the world, then bred them with the biggest, meanest
Siberian wolves they could find. From the litters, they
selected the biggest and strongest puppy and trained it day and night to
fight to the death.

After five years Osama and Mohammed came up with the biggest, meanest
dog
the world had ever seen. It's cage needed steel bars that were five
inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, George and his dog handler
Boudreaux, showed up with a nine foot long Dachshund. It was the
strangest looking dog anyone had ever seen. Boudreaux said it was a
Cajun
Dachshund.

Everyone felt sorry for George and Boudreaux because they knew there was
no way that this poor excuse for a dog could possibly last 10 seconds
with Osama's big, mean animal.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund slowly came out of it's
cage, wagged it's tail, then waddled over towards Osama's dog. The
Doberman/Rottweiler/Wolf snarled and leaped out of it's cage,
then charged the poor Dachshund. But when it got close enough to bite
the
Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund opened it's mouth and ate Osama's dog in
one bite. There was nothing left at all of the snarling beast.

Osama came up to George and Boudreaux shaking his head in disbelief. "We
don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people
working for five years with the biggest, meanest Dobermans and
Rottweilers, and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves in the world. How
did you do this?"

Da's easy", said Boudreaux, the Cajun. "We 'ad our bess plasic surgins
workin' fo' five year for to make dat alligator look like a weenie dog.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be careful, many of these laws are still on the books

1-When visiting Louisiana, remember that it is illegal to gargle in
public...you can do just about anything else in public, but NO gargling!

2-And be careful that you do not get caught shaving while driving in
Massachusetts or you'll be in real trouble.

3-If you're going to be driving through Utah, be alert because the birds
have the right of way on the state highways.

4-And walking down the streets of Maine with your shoes strings untied
is
also illegal.

5-Oh, and in Atlanta, not only is it illegal to tie your giraffe to a
telephone pole but if you get caught dressing a mannequin without
shutting
the window shades, you could be in big trouble.

6-When in Nebraska, keep in mind not to spit against wind because not
only
is it messy, its also illegal.

7-Eating out in Connecticut became so much more pleasant once the law
requiring restaurateurs to provide separate nose-blowing and
non-nose-blowing sections, went into effect.

8-And if you decide to order cherry pie while eating in Kansas, don't
waste
your time asking it to be served with a scoop of ice-cream on top...it
against the law.

9-In California, its against the law to peel an orange in your hotel
room....I guess its ok to peel it in the hallway & then go into your
room.

10-If you're planning to do any fishing while visiting Chicago, be sure
you
don't do it in your pajamas or you might spend the rest of your vacation
in
jail.

11-And if you're going to set a fire under your mule, don't do it in
Ohio..yep, its against the law. Can you believe it?

12-Whistling under water will result in more than getting water in your
nose, it will also get you put in jail if you do it in Vermont.

13-And while you and your beloved spouse are enjoying the Florida sun,
don't throw dishes if you happen to have a little disagreement with each
other. If you break more than 3 a day, you could spend the rest of your
vacation eating off of metal trays in the county jail.

We're not the only ones with the wacky laws. If you're planning a trip
out
of the country be aware that.... 14-It is illegal to land a flying
saucer in
the vineyards of France.

15-And last but not least, if you take ill while in Iceland, never seek
medical help from anyone who's shingle reads: "Scottulaejnir". You see,
ANYONE, can practice medicine in Iceland as long as they display this
sign.
Loosely translated it means, "Quack Doctor"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"

"No," the second guy says.

"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.

"Oh," says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, the first guy says, "Did you see that?"

"See what?" the second guy asks.

"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over
here."

"Oh."

A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"

By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"

And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wrong Number

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching
television when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"

I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a
wrong
number and I was bored.

"I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"

"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.

"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."

Silence on the other end... a confused silence.

"Is this Steve?"

My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.

"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"

"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him..."
she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said
that he would be back at 10:00."

A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"

"The girl he went out with."

"I know that! I mean... who is she?"

"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message
for Ben?"

"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."

She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her
temper  flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"

She exploded this time. "Who's Jennifer?"

Apparently she wasn't.

"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her.
Sorry... it was an honest mistake."

"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him
and
the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he
gets  home."

I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like
this..."
CLICK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Christine~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Checking the menu, a restaurant customer ordered
a bowl of vegetable soup. After a couple of spoonfuls,
he saw a circle of wetness right under the bowl on
the tablecloth.
He called the waitress over and said, "It's all wet
down here. The bowl must be cracked."
The waitress said, "You ordered vegetable soup, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"Maybe it has a leek in it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car  
parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along,  
he was stopped by a policeman.  

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.  

"I'm going to a lecture."  

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop  
asked.  

"My wife."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had just pulled into a parking spot at the home improve-  
ment store when smoke and flames began pouring from under  
my hood. Frantic, I bolted into the store and ran up to  
the first clerk I saw. As luck would have it, he was  
standing behind the customer service counter.  

"Please help," I gasped. "My car's on fire! I need a fire  
extinguisher!"  

Without even looking up, he replied, "Aisle 12."  

**** Quickies ****

Jimmy: My mom says our kitchen floor is so clean we could eat off it.

Troy: Cool! At our house only the cat is allowed to do that!
~
There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
~
A true friend will side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
~
Sign seen on the back of a truck:
Driver carries no money, his wife has it!
~
During his freshman year Steve couldn't get home  

for Christmas. So he sent his dad a set of inexpensive cuff  
links  
and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much,  
but it's all  
you could afford."

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**** HERE'S YOUR SIGN - STUPID ****

Teen Blogger Enters Guilty Plea

(AP) TAVARES, Fla. An 18-year-old passenger who caused a fatal crash by pulling on the steering wheel pleaded guilty to DUI manslaughter after prosecutors discovered a confession on his online blog.

Blake Ranking wrote "I did it" on his blurty.com journal three days after the October 2004 crash that caused a friend's death and left another seriously injured. He had previously told investigators he remembered nothing of the crash and little of its aftermath.

Blake was sitting in the back seat as he and then-17-year-old friends Jason Coker and Nicole Robinette left a party when he pulled the steering wheel as a prank, causing the car to somersault off the road.

His blood alcohol content after the crash measured 0.185, more than double the legal limit.

Robinette, who was driving and had no traces of drugs or alcohol in her system, was seriously injured. Coker lay in a coma at Orlando Regional Medical Center until he died Jan. 11.

"It was me who caused it. I turned the wheel. I turned the wheel that sent us off the road, into the concrete drain ..." Ranking wrote in the blog. "How can I be fine when everyone else is so messed up?"

Ranking later retracted his words, deleting them from the blog and penning an explanation.

"People say I 'contradict' myself since I 'already admitting pulling the wheel.' I didn't 'ADMIT' anything. I went on a guilt trip, and I posted the story that I WAS TOLD . . . Nicole told me I pulled the wheel, I believed her," he wrote.

Still, the confession forced him to lead guilty Monday to manslaughter charges. He could have gotten 15 years in prison, but defense lawyer John Spivey and Assistant State Attorney Julie Greenberg recommended five years in prison, 10 years of probation and a permanent license suspension.

Circuit Judge Mark Hill agreed to impose the sentence Dec. 28.

Greenberg said she had planned to use the blog as evidence, a first for the office covering Lake, Citrus, Hernando, Marion and Sumter counties, but almost certainly not the last.

"Anytime a defendant confesses, that is very relevant and important," she said.

Ranking posted the lyrics to Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" the day of Coker's funeral, but prosecutors said his remorse was not always apparent in his blogs, which included entries railing at Coker's mother because she asked him to stop calling and coming to the hospital.

"He lost the best friend he ever had," Spivey said in Ranking's defense.

Ken Coker, Jason's father, said his family never wanted prison time for Ranking, but they wished Ranking would stop writing about them because they felt the blog was insensitive. He said Ranking would benefit more from psychiatric counseling.

"There's not enough forgiveness in the world," he said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** WEIRD HAPPENINS ****

Trinidad judge 'grounds' teenager

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS


PORT-OF-SPAIN, Trinidad (AP) - A Trinidad teenager has been "grounded" by a judge after the youth faked his own kidnapping and told his mother that abductors would send his head home in a bag if she didn't pay a ransom.

Magistrate Reynold Waldropt ordered Lyndon Gooding, 14, to stay indoors between 5:00 p.m. and 6:30 a.m. until the end of February. He also put Gooding on probation for the next two years.

"You are not to leave unless accompanied by your mother or an adult. In other words, you are grounded," Waldropt said Monday, with a slight chuckle.

Gooding, of Arima, was charged with wasting police time after admitting to staging his own abduction.

The boy had claimed he was kidnapped on Dec. 5 while riding in a taxi to school and that his abductors - three men - took him to a forest.

Police said the boy called his mother several times, telling her the kidnappers demanded a ransom of 100,000 Trinidadian dollars (US$16,100; euro13,400) or they would send his head to her in a bag.

The boy returned home on Dec. 7, one day after his mother pleaded on television for his release.

Arima is about 10 miles (16 kilometers) east of Port-of-Spain.
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**** HEALTH NEWS ****

CHRISTMAS TREE BARK MAY HELP FIGHT ARTHRITIS  

Finnish scientists say anti-inflammatory compounds found in  
bark from Scotch pines, widely used as Christmas trees, may  
help fight arthritis. They say the compounds, which show  
promise in cell studies, are likely to be found in other  
pine species as well. The compounds, called phenolics, are  
a class of highly active plant chemicals tied to beneficial  
health effects, say the authors of the study published in  
the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry. "In the  
future, this may mean that people with arthritis may ease  
their pain by eating food supplements made from Christmas  
trees," says study leader Kalevi Pihlaja, a chemistry  
professor at the University of Turku.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Some stents may cause allergic reactions  

CHICAGO, -- Northwestern Memorial Hospital researchers in  
Chicago say they've discovered some drug-eluting stents  
can cause serious allergic reactions. The scientists stress  
that physicians and their patients should be aware of this  
potential and know the symptoms. "This paper provides  
evidence for the first time that instances of allergic re-  
actions, presumably to the polymer in the stent, can occur,"  
said study co-author Dr. Charles Bennett, an NMH epidemi-  
ologist and oncologist. "In some instances, these events  
have serious consequences- including stent closure and sub-  
sequent death." Investigators from 10 centers around the  
country reviewed 5,783 reports from April 2003 through  
December 2004 for hypersensitivity-like reactions associated  
with drug-eluting stents. From those reports, researchers  
identified 17 cases of hypersensitivity reactions that were  
classified as probably or certainly caused by the stent,  
four of which resulted in death. Symptoms included diffi-  
culty breathing, rash, itching and fever. They also con-  
cluded the polymer coating on the stent itself is the most  
probable cause of hypersensitivity in the majority of cases,  
rather than the medications the stent is coated with. The  
findings are published online and will appear in the Jan. 3  
issue of the Journal of the American College of Cardiology.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prosthesis for those without vocal cords  

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands, -- Dutch otolaryngologist Marein van  
der Torn hopes to develop a prosthesis that will improve the  
voice of people who have lost their vocal cords. Sometimes  
the larynx, containing the vocal cords, needs to be surgi-  
cally removed in throat cancer patients. Since the 1980s  
such patients have learned to speak again with the help of  
a small silicone rubber valve placed between their trachea  
and esophagus. The valve enables them to use the uppermost  
sphincter of their esophagus as a sort of vocal chord. How-  
ever, this alternative voice sounds often gruff and is lower  
than the natural voice. Female patients in particular find  
the low pitch troublesome. Together with the University of  
Groningen, Van der Torn and colleagues at the Free University  
in Amsterdam developed a new type of valve that produces its  
own vocal sound. That sound is produced by a small silicone  
rubber flap in the valve, which acts as an artificial vocal  
chord; one flap was developed for female voices and one for  
male voices. The new prosthesis is not yet ready for use,  
since the silicone rubber flap is easily impaired by tough  
mucus coughed up by the majority of patients.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Links found between happiness and health  

PITTSBURGH, -- Carnegie Mellon University scientists say  
there's growing evidence positive emotions such as happi-  
ness are linked with good health and increased longevity.  
But the Pittsburgh researchers say a review of research  
conducted during the past decade finds too many questions  
remain unanswered to draw definitive conclusions. The  
strongest links between positive emotions and health were  
found in studies examining "trait" emotions, which reflect  
a person's typical emotional experience, rather than  
"state" emotions, which reflect momentary responses to  
events. The researchers say people who typically report  
more positive emotions experience lower rates of chronic  
illness, symptoms and pain. Moreover, among elderly people  
who live by themselves or with family rather than in re-  
tirement homes, positive emotional dispositions are linked  
with living longer. In contrast, positive emotions are not  
associated with increased longevity in studies of other  
populations. Although possibly beneficial for recovery from  
less serious diseases, extremely positive emotions are in  
some cases associated with poorer outcomes among those with  
serious illness. The study appears in the Dec. 12 issue of  
the Psychological Bulletin.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   

How stem cells become brain cells  

PORTLAND, Ore., -- Oregon Health and Science University  
researchers say they've discovered a gene that appears to  
control how stem cells become brain cells. Scientists at  
the Portland-based university's National Primate Research  
Center say the finding has significant implications for  
the study of Parkinson's disease, brain and spinal cord  
injury, and other conditions or diseases that might be  
combated by replacing lost or damaged brain cells. "In  
the early stages of brain development prior to birth,  
brain stem cells, also known as neural stem cells, will  
differentiate into neurons," explained Larry Sherman, an  
adjunct associate professor of cell and developmental  
biology in the OHSU School of Medicine. "In later stages,  
these same stem cells suddenly start becoming glial cells,  
which perform a number of functions that include support-  
ing the neurons. "We wanted to find out what factors cause  
this switch in differentiation. We also wanted to determine  
if the process can be controlled and used as a possible  
therapy," said Sherman. "What amazed us is that it turns  
out a single gene may be responsible for this incredibly  
important task." The research is published in the current  
online edition of the medical journal Developmental  
Biology.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Bedding Tied to Asthma Development in Infants  

NEW YORK - The use of bedding that contains no synthetic  
materials appears to reduce the risk of developing wheez-  
ing in infants, Australian researchers report in the  
American Journal of Public Health.  

"These findings," lead author Dr. Leigh F. Trevillian told  
Reuters Health, "emphasize the important role of the infant  
sleeping environment in the development of asthma. They  
indicate the need for a greater public health effort to  
ensure optimal infant sleeping environments that will assist  
in asthma prevention."  

Trevillian of Australian National University, Canberra and  
colleagues came to this conclusion after studying data on  
883 children who as infants in 1988 were included in a  
survey and then took part in an asthma study in 1995.  

Based on previous work, the researchers developed a theor-  
etical model of house dust mite exposure according to  
bedding composition. The least house dust mite hospitable  
bedding was of natural composition. It contained no  
synthetic material or -- as is relatively common in  
Australia -- sheepskin.  

The next category was bedding that contained either one  
type of synthetic material or sheepskin or both. The  
material associated with the greatest house dust mite  
exposure was composite bedding containing two or more  
types of synthetic material with or without sheepskin.  

About 64 percent of children were exposed to a single  
synthetic material, 27 percent had natural fiber bedding,  
and the remainder were exposed to composite synthetic  
bedding.  

At the age of 7, children who had been exposed to com-  
posite bedding were more than twice as likely to have  
recently experience wheezing and night wheezing compared  
with infants who had natural bedding.  

There also a relationship between increased exposure to  
such bedding and more wheezing. In addition, when factors  
such as absence of bedroom carpeting and heating were  
present, say the investigators, "the association between  
type of bedding and wheezing was markedly exacerbated."   

  
**** ON THIS DAY ****

The year is 1905 -- one hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!

Here are some of the U.S. statistics for the year 1905: . .

The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads in the U.S.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily
populated than California.

With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most
populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.

The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2,000 per year, a dentist
$2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and
a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home.

Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had no college education. Instead,
they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in
the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women washed their hair only once a month, and they used borax or
egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from
entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii,
and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write.

Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at
the local corner drugstores.

Back then a pharmacist said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives
buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact,
a perfect guardian of health."
(WOW!!)

Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time
servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

Sigh.....try to imagine what it's goingbe like in another 100 years!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  Santa's Prayer on Christmas Eve 
By Warren D. Jennings
           
The sleigh was all packed, the reindeer were fed,
            But Santa still knelt by the side of the bed.
            "Dear Father," he prayed "Be with me tonight.
            There's much work to do and my schedule is tight.
            I must jump in my sleigh and streak through the sky,
            Knowing full well that a reindeer can't fly.
            I will visit each household before the first light,
            I'll cover the world and all in one night.
            With sleigh bells a-ringing, I'll land on each roof,
            Amid the soft clatter of each little hoof.
            To get in the house is the difficult part,
            So I'll slide down the chimney of each child's heart.
            My sack will hold toys to grant all their wishes.
            The supply will be endless like the loaves and the fishes.
            I will fill all the stockings and not leave a track.
            I'll eat every cookie that is left for my snack.
            I can do all these things Lord, only through You,
            I just need your blessing, then it's easy to do.
            All this is to honor the birth of the One,
            That was sent to redeem us, Your most Holy Son.
            So to all of my friends, least Your glory I rob,
            Please Lord, remind them who gave me this job."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
REFLECTIONS
You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was a young man, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate.   And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went.  I know that I lived them all...
And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams... But, here it is...the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...
How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?

I remember well... seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like... 
But, here it is...wife retired and she's really gettinggray...she moves slower and I see an older woman now. She's in better shape than me... but, I see the great change...  Not the one I married who was young and vibrant... but, like me, her age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore...it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will...I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things.

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...This I know, that when it's over...its over....Yes , I have regrets .There are things I wish I hadn't done ,,,,,things I should have done. But indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. Its all in a lifetime.. .

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly!

Life goes by quickly So, do what you can today, because you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for good today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...

"Life is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who came after. Make it a fantastic one."

LIVE IT WELL!! 
~author unknown~

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****
1889 Vito Pellettieri, long-time Grand Ole Opry stage  
manager, born  

1925 Session bass player Floyd "Lightinin'" Chance born  
in Como, Miss.  

1926 Freddie Hart born in Lockapoka, Ala.  
  
1943 Guitarist Albert Lee born in Leominster,  
Hertfordshire, England  

1956 Lee Roy Parnell born in Abilene, Texas  

1962 Christy Forester of the Forester Sisters born in  
Lookout Mountain, Ga.  
  
1989 Johnnie Bailes of the Bailes Brothers died at the  
age of 71  

1993 Harold Morrison died at the age of 62  

1967 Jack Greene joined the Grand Ole Opry  
  
1979 The Electric Horseman, the film starring Willie  
Nelson and Robert Redford, premiered  
  
1999 Garth Brooks' The Magic of Christmas album certified  
platinum  
  
1950 Hank Williams recorded "Cold, Cold Heart" for MGM   


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
  Haggard Early Albums to Be Reissued in 2006  

Ten of Merle Haggard's albums from the 1960s and 1970s  
will be remastered and reissued on Feb. 21, 2006, by  
Capitol Nashville/EMI Music. Two albums will be included  
on each CD, along with rare and previously unreleased  
bonus tracks. Titles include: Strangers (1965) and Swing-  
ing Doors and the Bottle Let Me Down (1966); I'm a  
Lonesome Fugitive (1967) and Branded Man (1967); Sing Me  
Back Home (1968) and The Legend of Bonnie and Clyde (1968);  
Mama Tried (1968) and Pride in What I Am (1969); and Hag  
(1971) and Someday We'll Look Back (1971).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Ty England to Release New Single, Album  

Ty England, who scored a hit in 1995 with "Should've Asked  
Her Faster," has released a new single, "Redneck Anthem,"  
on Oklahoma-based Triple T Records. "I think most country  
music fans are proud that they have a little bit of redneck  
on the family tree, and this song is tailor-made for them  
all," said England. Formerly Garth Brooks' college roommate  
and tour guitarist, England has lately been active on the  
USO circuit.   


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  
Peppermint  Bark
This is  one of the quickest and most  delicious holiday candies you can 
make!

1 package (16 ounces)   vanilla-flavored candy coating (almond bark), broken
into  pieces 
24 hard peppermint  candies

Cover  cookie sheet with waxed paper,  aluminum foil or cooking parchment 
paper. Place candy coating  in 8-cup microwavable measure or 2-quart 
microwavable 
casserole. Microwave uncovered on High 2 to 3  minutes,  stirring every 30
seconds, until almost melted. Stir  until  smooth.

Place peppermint candies in heavy plastic  bag;  crush with rolling pin or
bottom of small heavy saucepan.  Pour crushed  candies into wire strainer.
Shake
strainer over  melted coating until  all of the tiniest candy pieces fall
into 
the coating; reserve the  larger candy pieces. Stir coating to  mix evenly.
Spread coating evenly  on cookie sheet. Sprinkle  evenly with remaining candy
pieces. Let  stand about 1 hour or  until cool and hardened. Break into
pieces.  

Chocolate-Peppermint Bark: Substitute  chocolate-flavored candy  coating for
the vanilla candy  coating.

Drizzled Peppermint  Bark: Heat 1/2 cup  semisweet chocolate chips or white
baking chips and  1 teaspoon  shortening until melted. Drizzle over
Peppermint
Bark  before  letting stand 1 hour.           
Substitution
Chocolate-flavored candy coating used  in place of vanilla is  the way to go
for die-hard chocoholics! 
Makes 1  pound
 

**** TODAY'S USELESS FACT ****

What exactly is "the missing link" supposed to be?

Charles Darwin said at one point that as we unearth more and more fossils, we will find that the vast majority of historic life forms were transitional forms that will illuminate the map of how species differentiated over time. Darwinian evolution requires that intermediate forms must have existed and that the rise of complexity of species should be demonstrable from the incremental changes evident in the fossil records. Until there are fossil records of incremental change from some prototypical ancestor to a modern species, all of the "gaps" in the line are 'missing links.' If a scientist believes he has some skeletal evidence of a transition between any two species, it typically creates a new gap on either side of the transitional form. We currently don't have have any continuous incremental records of any possible species transitions. We say "possible" transition because even if we had a proposed series of intermediate forms, we could be wrong. There have been many mis-identified partial skeletons in the history of evolution research, and our transitional forms could turn out to be statistical outliers within a population, or just unique mutations that did not survive... or something else (e.g. a mule conceivably could be mistaken for a transitional form, but mules can't reproduce). Science really can not test history - it does not have the tools. All the researcher can do is state that his hypothesis is consistent with some collection of historical evidence. While plausible or perhaps even very likely, any deduction about historical mutations or their ancestors and descendents is necessarily speculative, not hard science.


**** WABASH VALLEY WEATHER ****
http://www.wtwo.com/

Weather Summary:
Not as cold for Wednesday night as lows drop into the low 20`s. Thursday
will be the warmest day so far this month with highs in the mid 40`s.
Friday warms even more with highs in the upper 40`s to near 50 (some
will see 50 on Friday). A storm system move into the Great Lakes on
Christmas Eve and this will spread rain showers into this area on
Saturday. As a cold front moves through Saturday night into Christmas
day, colder air will bring some snow showers or flurries but no
accumulation. It will be cooler on Christmas day with highs in the upper
30`s. It stays in the upper 30`s for Monday but it looks like some
colder air will arrive by the middle of next week.

-- Jesse Walker

Weather Factoid:
The sun will reach its southernmost point in the sky, called the
December solstice, on Dec. 21 at 1:35 p.m. EST. This will mark the start
of winter in the Northern Hemisphere and summer in the Southern
Hemisphere. For the next six months, the days will be getting longer in
the Northern Hemisphere.

Weather Factoid:
The sun will reach its southernmost point in the sky, called the
December solstice, on Dec. 21 at 1:35 p.m. EST. This will mark the start
of winter in the Northern Hemisphere and summer in the Southern
Hemisphere. For the next six months, the days will be getting longer in
the Northern Hemisphere.

Wednesday Night
Partly Cloudy, Some Fog Possible
Low 22

Thursday
Partly Sunny
High 45

Thursday Night
Partly Cloudy
Low 30

Friday
Partly Sunny
High 48
Low 30

Christmas Eve
Rain Showers
High 42
Low 34

Christmas
Flurries Possible
High 38
Low 28

Monday
Partly Sunny
High 38
Low 27

Tuesday
Partly Sunny
High 30
Low 22


****A PARTING THOUGHT ****
I've always wanted to be filthy rich, but so far
I only got to the first part.


TOON TIME

Hey
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22200.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22200.htm "> Here!</a>

Sleepy
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21299.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21299.htm "> Here!</a>

Kittens
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21298.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21298.htm "> Here!</a>

Rooster?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1057.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1057.html">Here!</a>

Being Burgled
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/011.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/011.htm"> Here </a>

Faces
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22209.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22209.htm "> Here!</a>

Sideways
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22208.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22208.htm "> Here!</a>

Barrel O' Fun
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22207.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22207.htm "> Here!</a>

Militia Leader
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22203.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22203.htm "> Here!</a>

Air Pump
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22202.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22202.htm "> Here!</a>

Banana Stripper
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22201.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22201.htm "> Here!</a>

New place
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1055.html
<a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny1055.html">Here!</a>

Shopping From Home
http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/012.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200412/012.htm"> Here </a>

Busted
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22206.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22206.htm "> Here!</a>

Wrecked Exotics
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22204.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22204.htm "> Here!</a>

Woops
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22205.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22205.htm "> Here!</a>



LAST CALL Y'ALL
Giddy Up

When my neighbor, a somewhat naive and without much worldly experience,
proudly told me he was going to surprise his much younger, obviosly
street wise new wife with a horse for Christmas, I asked what kind of
horses she liked to ride.
-
 He said he wasn't sure, but claimed she could probably ride just about
anything since she had worked for several years at the Mustang Ranch out
in Nevada.
-
He got no argument from me !


That's all folks
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
PLEASE
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally. 
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
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We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscribers'
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Disclaimer :All of my materials are Borrowed from various areas on the web