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Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

A football player with the San Francisco 49ers had an eye gouged out
during a particularly violent game. Inspired by his coach's pep talks he
refuses to give up the game and has a glass eye fitted. Although he is
still able to play football, he knows that he is not the same player he
was before. Also, off the field he is having a hard time adjusting, he
constantly feels self conscious about the glass eye.

His doctor gives him the good news that complete eye transplants are now
possible. But the bad news is that there's a chronic lack of donors and
the waiting list is about five years.

One night, driving down the Pacific Coast Highway, his glass eye fails
to detect a guy trying to go around his car on a motorcycle. He changes
lanes and sends the motorcycle flying.

It's late at night and nobody's around and it's clear to the football
player that the cyclist is dead. He makes a quick decision and cuts out
one of the cyclists eyes with his pen knife. He figures if he rushes it
to his surgeon he'll be able to perform the transplant. Before he leaves
he pops out his glass eye and places it in the cyclist's eye socket.

Everything is fine for a few weeks, his new eye is working perfectly.
But he starts to worry about the cyclist. Everything had happened so
fast - what if he wasn't dead after all?

He decided to call the local police station and enquire about the
accident.

"Yes, the poor fellow was dead alright," said the officer, "but it's
still all very mysterious."

The guy felt a chill of fear run up and down his spine,

"Mysterious?" he asked.

"Yeah, how the hell did he manage to ride his bike all the way up here
from Los Angeles with two glass eyes?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the
"in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit
more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways
to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this
airplane..."


2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so
I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move
about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we
land...it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it
affects the flight pattern."


3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.
We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we
enjoyed taking you for a ride.


4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big
fella. WHOA!"


5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced:
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments
because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has
shifted."


6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert
the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just
like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate
one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In
the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling
with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you
are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you
love more.


7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more
than Southwest Airlines."


8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our
compliments."


9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of
your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses."


10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."


11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...
Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!


12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo,
Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final
approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an
extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and
announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please
remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"


13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain
Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."


14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he
had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline
had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the
door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a
"Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his
bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the
eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally,
everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old
lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"


15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight
Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in
your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the
aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once
the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,
we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal.


16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd
like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next
time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies
in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at
US Airways."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A waiter in a large restaurant was rushed to the hospital's emergency room. Lying on the operating table in great pain while awaiting attention, he saw an intern passing by. "Doc" he said desperately, "I'm sick. Can't you do something?" 'Sorry,' replied the intern. "This isn't my table.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My 75 year old Dad was taking his daily walk through the park
when he heard a tiny voice calling to him. "Hey, mister!
Pssst, mister!" Dad looked all around, and spotted a little
frog sitting in the grass looking up at him.

"Hey mister," said the frog. "A wicked witch cast a spell on
me, and turned me into an ugly frog. If you'll just kiss me
I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and be forever
grateful."

Dad reached down, picked up the frog, put it in his pocket, and
proceeded to walk on. The frog called out to him again, "Hey!
Didn't you hear me? I said if you'll kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess and be forever grateful."

Dad replied, "I heard you, but at my age, I'd rather just have
a talking frog!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At his grandmother's invitation, my 16-year-old son had his birthday party at her house while she was on vacation. The morning after the party, I called to see how things had gone. He told me some salsa had been spilled on Grandma's new carpet, but he'd cleaned it up and the red stain was gone. As I breathed a sigh of relief, he continued, "Now how do I get the bleach out?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF MY GAL PALS
If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump all the silly gifts given to you

And deliver some things just inside your
front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.
I'd give you back all your maidenly
vigor
and to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once
graced your hair
before rinses and bleaches took residence there.
I'd bring back the shape with which you
were gifted
so things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth all the cracks
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting
slacks.
I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one
chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on
your skin
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells
and you wouldn't hear noises l! ike ringing of
bells.
No sore aching feet and no corns on
your toes
no searching for spectacles right on your nose.
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or
fanny
from a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old
granny.
You'd never have headaches, no pills would you
take.
no heating pad needed since muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid
You'd be one cute chick with the romance of
Cupid.
I'd give you a lift when the wolves start to
whistle,
the joys of your heart would be light as a
thistle.
But! alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me
the matronest of matrons you ever did see.
I wish I could tell all the symptoms I've got
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older this wish is
sincere
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man had a horrible accident, stayed in a coma for months, and nearly died. When he came out of the coma and began to take solid foods, the nurse came in to see how the man was feeling. "That was a pretty close call you had," the nurse said. "Your strong will pulled you through."

"Well," the man said, "could you remind the hospital of that before they send me a bill?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IN STONE

TWO FRIENDS
A story tells that two friends were walking
through the desert. During some point of the
journey they had an argument, and one friend
slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without
saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis,
where they decided to take a bath.
The one who had been slapped got stuck in the
mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near drowning,
he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend
asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now,
you write on a stone, why?"
The other friend replied:
"When someone hurts us we should write it down
in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.
But, when someone does something good for us,
we must engrave it in stone where no wind
can ever erase it."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND TO
CARVE YOUR BLESSINGS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special
person, an hour to appreciate them, a day
to love them, but then an entire life
to forget them.
Send this phrase to the people you'll never
forget. If you don't send it to anyone,
it means you're in a hurry and that you've
forgotten your friends. Take the time to live!
Do not value the THINGS you have in your life.

But value WHO you have in your life!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The visitor sadly shook his head
As he basked in the tropical sun,
"Call this Christmas?" he said
"Well not where I come from."

Christmas needs snow and ice and cold
And the sound of the sleigh bell's ring,
And as for me I can't be sold
On this weather that feels like spring.

Santa Claus in a bathing suit
No sir, it just isn't right .
Cranberry sauce and tropical fruit
I think it's an awful fright.

My poor mis-guided friend, I said
Your lament does not ring true.
You're mixed up by the things you've read
From a myth you take your clue.

For no snow fell on Bethlehem
On the night the star first shone
There was no blizzard nor howling gale
That swept with a shriek and a moan.

The breeze was soft, and what is more
The night that the Christ Child came
Hibiscus bloomed near the stable door
As Mary murmured his name.

Bougainvillea of violet hue
Arched in a graceful bower,
Poinsettias wet with midnight dew
Enhanced that sacred hour.

The Heavenly Host in the starry sky
Proclaimed the birth of the king,
And rustling palms echoed the cry
As the whole earth seemed to sing.

So we find here in our sun-drenched land
Untouched by the ice and snow.
That the spirit of Christmas is near at hand
And we feel God willed it so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two sisters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their
Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had
the most important role.
Finally the 12-year-old said to her 8-year-old younger sister, "Well,
you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin
than it is to be an angel!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and
the flowers.

When we are married, our brides get the presents and the
publicity.

When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be
done about her constipation.
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels
in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the
doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a
half-hour in the  morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher was telling the story of the Good
Samaritan to her class of 4-5 year olds.  She was making it
as vivid as possible to keep the children interested in her
tale.  Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying
on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,
"I think I'd throw up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An atheist professor was teaching a college class and
he told the class that he was going to prove that there
is no God.  He said, "God, if you are real, then I want
you to knock me off this platform.  I'll give you 15 minutes!"
Ten minutes went by.  He kept taunting God, saying,"Here I
am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple
of minutes and a Marine just released from active duty and
newly registered in the class walked up to the professor,
hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from
the platform.
The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled,
"What's the matter with you?  Why did you do that?"
The Marine replied, "God was busy; He sent me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** Quickies ****
Q: What is the german word for constipation?
A: Far from poopin.
~ 
Q: Where does Clark Kent shop? 
A: The "Super"market.
~
There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs.

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**** WEIRD HAPPENINS ****

Insurer wants woman's crash settlement

By Robert Patrick - St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Debbie Shank stocked shelves at a Wal-Mart store in Cape Girardeau, Mo., until five years ago, when her minivan was hit by a tractor-trailer. Her Wal-Mart health insurance paid the medical bills. Proceeds from a lawsuit helped finance her care in a nursing home.

Brain damage forces her to use a wheelchair and limits her upper body movement to one arm and two fingers. It stole her memory and her ability to talk to her husband and three sons.

"She'll ask about the boys, she'll ask about the cat," said her husband, Jim Shank. "Whenever I'm there, she thinks it must be a mealtime. We don't really hold a conversation."

Now the Shanks face a new obstacle. Her Wal-Mart health insurance plan wants the lawsuit money to repay its costs.

Last week, the health plan sued Debbie Shank in federal court in St. Louis, demanding the full $417,000 she got in the civil suit - plus at least $51,000 more from the share that already went to lawyers and costs.

A suit such as this is not uncommon, and is a way for self-financed health plans - employer and union-funded plans - to recoup medical expenses, say lawyers who handle health and insurance law.

A Wal-Mart spokesman said the health plan has made no decision on whether to pursue this case; the suit puts a legal foot in the door before the deadline to file it passes. "This is kind of a standard procedure, and it just preserves our options," Marty Hires said.

It has the potential to hit Debbie Shank, 50, particularly hard.

"I can't believe that they've done this," said Maurice Graham, one of her lawyers.

"The cost to care for her in the future is going to be literally millions," Graham said. "She is confined to a nursing home, has a normal life expectancy and requires full-time care."

Shank and her husband sued G.E.M. Transportation Inc. and Texas truck driver James David Shivers in federal court in September 2000 after Shank was hit by the tractor-trailer while making a U-turn on Highway 177 near Cape Girardeau, according to the original lawsuit.

Shank suffered injuries to her brain stem and other body parts and was in a coma after the accident, the suit says.

The Shanks settled in August 2002 for $900,000. After attorneys' fees and expenses, an irrevocable trust set up for Debbie Shank got $417,477 and her husband got $119,280, according to court documents.

Jim Shank, 52, who does maintenance and risk management work at Southeast Missouri State University and also is a real estate agent, is not named in the health plan's lawsuit.

Lawyers familiar with employment law said that while state law generally bars a health insurance company from trying to get a piece of a settlement, self-funded health plans are allowed under federal law to recover their costs.

In this case, Shank's total medical expenses exceed $469,216, the suit says.

Wal-Mart's health plan explicitly states that it gets reimbursed first out of any settlement or judgment, up to 100 percent of the total amount of the medical expenses, according to the lawsuit filed by the Administrative Committee of the Wal-Mart Stores Inc. Associates' Health and Welfare Plan. The plan also explicitly states that, "All attorney's fees and court costs are the responsibility of the participant, not the plan," the suit says.

For Shank, that would mean coming up with at least $51,000 more than she received.

The suit also seeks attorneys' fees, costs and interest for the expense of suing Shank to recover the money.

Graham said the settlement money was placed in a trust created by the federal court, "so this money never came into the hands of Debbie Shank or her husband ... and is only to be used for her support."

Only a portion of the settlement was for medical bills, Graham said.

The health plan's suit says it was never notified of the settlement or the creation of the trust, and Shank and her lawyers were repeatedly told that the health plan expected "100 percent repayment."

An attorney for the plan, Christopher Hedican, said he was "not authorized" to talk about the case.

Wal-Mart spokesman Hires would not comment further, citing federal health privacy law and the lack of a final decision about whether to pursue the case.

St. Louis lawyer Sheldon Weinhaus, who has handled similar suits, said it is not unusual for employer-sponsored health plans to try to recover money from lawsuits.

"Wal-Mart has certainly been one of the more aggressive and assertive in doing this," he added.

He said courts are becoming more critical of suits filed by health plans. "They recognize the unfairness of this, and they're looking for reasons to stop Wal-Mart and others from doing this ... in my opinion," he said.

Jim Singer, who battled Weinhaus on a case involving a union-funded health plan, disagreed about a change of attitudes in the court system. "I don't know that that's true. I haven't seen that."

Singer said that using lawsuits prevents cuts in benefits or increases in worker contributions to the plan. "You need to put the money back in the trust so it will be available for other people," he said.

Jim Shank said his wife bounced from job to job until she found the night shift stocking shelves at Wal-Mart, which allowed her to be home for her sons during the day - to be a better mother, he said.

"It's all she ever wanted to be," he said.

Now, although she knows her middle son is in the Army, she doesn't know that the 17-year-old is scheduled to head to Iraq next year, or even that there is a war.

Jim Shank has dreaded something like this since he got a letter two weeks after the accident, while his wife was still in intensive care, "clinging to life."

He recalls the letter saying he had to sign over any right to lawsuit proceeds or the health plan would not pay for his wife's care.

He said that if the Wal-Mart health plan pursues the case, and wins, his wife would likely lose the caretaker who "stays with her and works with her and helps her and tries to keep her in good spirits," he said. And they might have to sell the van they bought to accommodate her wheelchair.

He also said that a lawyer who specializes in elder law said several years ago that if the money runs out, he might have to divorce his wife to make her eligible for Medicaid.
Their 30th anniversary is in October.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Double-Mouthed Fish Pulled From Neb. Lake

This fish didn't have a chance. A rainbow trout pulled out of Holmes Lake last weekend had double the chance to get hooked: It had two mouths.

Clarence Olberding, 57, wasn't just telling a fisherman's fib when he called over another angler to look at the two-mouthed trout. It weighed in at about a pound.

"I reached down and grabbed it to take the hook out, and that's when I noticed that the hook was in the upper mouth and there was another jaw protruding out below," said Olberding.

He said in his 40 years of fishing, he's never seen anything like it.

Don Gabelhouse, head of the fisheries division of the Nebraska Game and Parks Commission, said a two-mouthed fish was new to him, too.

"It's probably a genetic deformity," he said. "I don't think there's anything wrong with it."

The second mouth didn't appear to be functional, Olberding said. He has plans for the fish, which don't included mounting.

"I'm going to smoke it up and eat it," he said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Austrian Sentenced for Hitler Voice Mail

An Austrian court added two months to the sentence of a convicted thief Thursday because he used an oath of loyalty to Adolf Hitler as a voice mail greeting on his cell phone.

The 20-year-old defendant, whose name was withheld in accordance with privacy laws, was convicted by a court in the Alpine province of Tyrol, where police accidentally came across his phone message in 2004 when they called to question him about a burglary.

Prosecutors said the man had downloaded the offending audio from the Internet and saved it on his cell phone to greet callers when he was unable to answer.

It said: "I swear unswerving loyalty to Adolf Hitler! I swear absolute obedience! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!"

The defendant testified Thursday that the download was a "spontaneous act" and that he did not fully embrace the meaning of the oath.

The man was sentenced to a year in prison for theft and fencing stolen goods, but the court tacked on two extra months for the voice mail greeting, invoking an Austrian law making Nazi propaganda a crime.

"What nonsense!" the defendant said as he left the courtroom, according to the Austria Press Agency.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some Germans would rather spend Christmas with a tree than with their families, a new poll shows.

The survey in Thursday's Focus weekly news magazine found 75 percent of Germans could not contemplate Christmas without their beloved "Tannenbaum," the traditional tree many cover lavishly with candles, lights and decorations.

But only 65 percent said spending time with relatives was also essential for a good Christmas.

Singing carols was the next most vital ingredient, with 57 percent saying they could not do without them, while 42 percent said Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without presents.

The modern tradition of the Christmas tree originated in Germany.

Three percent of the 1,014 people polled about attitudes to Christmas wanted to skip the whole thing. 

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**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.  D.V.M. ****

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off  
to the doctors. "Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the  
little paper bag.  
"Hmm, you look OK to me," said the Doctor, "but I'll do a  
blood test and see what that shows, come back and see me in a  
couple of days."  
The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the  
results.  
"What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag. "I'm  
afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor.  
"No, I can't be I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little  
paper bag.  
"Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor.  
"NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper  
bag!"  
"Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous  
drug users?" asked the doctor.  
"NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper  
bag!"  
"Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a  
blood transfusion?" queried the doctor.  
"NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!"  
"Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual relationship?"  
"NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just little  
paper bag!"  
"Then there can be only one explanation." said the doctor.  
"Your mother must have been a carrier."  


**** HEALTH NEWS ****
Knee replacement becoming simpler  

CHICAGO, -- Chicago's Rush University Medical Center sur-  
geons say 96 percent of minimally invasive knee replacement  
patients leave the same day, with no complications. The ortho-  
pedic surgeons said many of the patients were able to walk  
out of the hospital unassisted or with a cane. Dr. Richard  
Berger says it's not just the surgeon's skills and techniques  
that help patients avoid a hospital stay.  "It's a comprehen  
sive management pathway (that) helps the patient avoid an  
overnight stay," said Berger. "It's optimal sequencing and  
timing of interventions by the nursing, physical therapy,  
anesthesia, and surgical team -- it's a team approach of  
equally weighted preoperative, intraoperative and postopera-  
tive care." Berger, who pioneered minimally invasive out-  
patient surgery, said his technique for total knee arthro-  
scopy does not cut the quadriceps muscle and quadriceps  
tendon. "The only incision is from the joint line to the  
superior pole of the patella," he said. "The quadriceps  
tendon is not cut or split. The knee is not dislocated;  
instead, in situ cuts are made. The patient is out of sur-  
gery in less than two hours." The study appeared in the  
October issue of the Journal of Arthroplasty.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Enzyme offers new look at gene regulation  

CHAPEL HILL, N.C., -- University of North Carolina scien-  
tists say they've purified a protein and have shown it can  
alter gene activity by reversing a molecular modification.  
The researchers say they demonstrated a protein called  
JHDM1A is able to remove a methyl group from histone H3,  
one of four histone proteins bound to all genes. Until  
just last year, the addition of a methyl group to a his-  
tone had been regarded as irreversible. "That histones can  
become methylated has been known for over three decades,  
and just now we're learning that those methyl groups can  
also be removed," said Professor of biochemistry and bio-  
physics Dr. Yi Zhang, the lead author. The study is now  
online in the journal Nature.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 SSRI antidepressants actions studied  

MEDFORD, Mass., -- Johns Hopkins scientists say the bene-  
ficial effects of a popular class of antidepressants may  
be the result of increased nerve-fiber growth in the brain.  
The study was led by Dr. Vassilis E. Koliatsos, a neuro-  
pathologist at the Johns Hopkins University School of  
Medicine. The researchers found selective serotonin reup-  
take inhibitors increase the density of nerve-impulse-  
carrying axons in the frontal and parietal lobes of the  
neocortex and part of the limbic brain that control the  
sense of smell, emotions, and motivation. "It appears SSRI  
antidepressants rewire areas of the brain that are impor-  
tant for thinking and feeling, as well as operating the  
autonomic nervous system," said Koliatsos. Axons conduct  
chemically driven nerve impulses away from the cell body  
toward a narrow gap known as a synapse. Among the chem-  
icals involved are such monoamines as norepinephrine and  
serotonin. Antidepressants, such as Prozac, Zoloft and  
Paxil, have been thought to increase synaptic concentra-  
tions of serotonin and norepinephrine, enhancing or  
stimulating their transference."But our findings ... may  
offer a better explanation of why antidepressants are  
effective and why they take time to work," Koliatsos  
said. The study appears in the January issue of the  
Journal of Neurochemistry.   
  

**** ON THIS DAY ****

I'm blessed with much more than they eye can see
Ain't got no fancy car or clothes
But when it comes to the true meanin' of Christmas
It's only a true cowboy that knows
Author Unknown

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
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Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
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The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

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This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
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Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
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**** COUNTRY CALANDER ****
1921 Hawkshaw Hawkins born in Huntington, W.Va.  
  
1937 Red Steagall born in Gainesville, Texas  
  
1960 Chuck Mead, singer with BR549, born in Nevada,  
Missouri  
  
1948 Hank Williams recorded "Lovesick Blues," his first  
No. 1 single, for MGM  

1965 Jimmy Martin recorded "Lost Highway" for Decca  

1965 Jimmy Martin recorded "The Good Things Outweigh the  
Bad" for Decca  
  
1952 Flatt & Scruggs released "Back to the Cross" for  
Mercury  

1952 Flatt & Scruggs released "God Loves His Children"  
for Mercury   


 **** COUNTRY MUSIC NEWS ****
Urban Named Country Artist of Year at Radio Music Awards  

Keith Urban was named country artist of the year during  
Monday night's (Dec. 19) Radio Music Awards in Las Vegas.  
Country song of the year honors went to Rascal Flatts for  
their recording of "Bless the Broken Road," a song written  
by Marcus Hummon, Bobby Boyd and Jeff Hanna. The awards  
show took place at the Aladdin Resort & Casino   
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David Lee Roth Contributes to Bluegrass Tribute to Van Halen  

Former Van Halen lead vocalist David Lee Roth has recorded  
new versions of "Jump" and "Jamie's Cryin'" for Strummin'  
With the Devil, a bluegrass tribute to the rock band. Roth,  
a native of Indiana, recorded the new versions of the Van  
Halen songs with the John Jorgenson Bluegrass Band. Set for  
release March 14 on CMH Records, the project also features  
performances by David Grisman, John Cowan, Larry Cordle,  
Blue Highway, Mountain Heart and the Nashville Bluegrass  
Band. Among the other Van Halen song selections are "Hot  
for Teacher," "Dance the Night Away" and "Runnin' With  
the Devil."   


**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES  

1    (12-oz.) pkg. (2 cups) semi-sweet chocolate chips  
1/4  cup orange-flavored liqueur or 1 teaspoon orange extract  
1    can chocolate or fudge Frosting  
toppings: Coconut, chocolate sprinkles, ground nuts & cocoa  

DIRECTIONS:  
Melt chocolate chips in medium saucepan over low heat,  
stirring constantly; remove from heat. Stir in orange liqueur  
and frosting; blend well. Refrigerate 1 to 2 hours or until  
firm. Place coconut or other toppings in pie pan. Scoop  
mixture into 1-inch balls; drop onto topping. (Mixture will  
be sticky.) Roll to coat. Place in foil candy cups, if  
desired. Store in refrigerator.  

Yield: 6 Dozen
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HOLIDAY CHEESE BALL  

3 tablespoon finely chopped pecans  
1 package (8 ounces) Neufchatel cream cheese (room temperature)  
3 green onions (finely chopped with tops, 1/3 cup)  
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard  
1/4 teaspoon hot red pepper sauce  
1/4 teaspoon minced garlic  
1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese (4 ounces)  
1/4 cup minced parsley  

DIRECTIONS:  
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and spread out the pecans in  
a small pan. Bake, tossing once, for 8 minutes or until  
toasted. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, place the cream cheese,  
onions, mustard, red pepper sauce, and garlic. With an  
electric mixer at moderate speed, beat for 3 minutes or until  
well blended. Stir in the cheddar cheese. Wrap the mixture in  
plastic wrap, shape into a 4-inch ball, and chill for 15  
minutes. On wax paper, toss the toasted pecans with the  
parsley. Unwrap the cheese ball and carefully roll it in the  
parsley mixture, coating it completely. Rewrap in plastic wrap  
and refrigerate until time to serve. Place the ball on a  
serving platter and surround with an assortment of crackers.  

Yield:  24 Servings  
1 tablespoon has: Calories 50, Saturated Fat 2g, Total Fat 4g,  
Protein 2g, Carbohydrate 1g, Fiber 0g, Sodium 72mg, Chol 12mg   
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Baby Ruth?® Brownies

1 (18.25-ounce) pkg. brownie mix
3 (2.1-ounce bars) Baby Ruth?®   candy bars, chopped
1 (8-ounce) pkg. cream cheese, brought to room temperature
1/2 c. sugar
1 large egg
2 tsp. milk
Directions:
* Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare brownie mix as directed on
package, then stir in chopped candy. Pour into a greased 9x13" baking
pan.
* In a small mixing bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth.
Add egg and milk to the cream cheese mixture and blend well.
* Drizzle cream cheese mixture over brownie batter and swirl with a
knife to create a marbled look.
* Bake for 35-40 minutes, until toothpick inserted in center comes out
almost clean.
* Remove brownies from oven and cool completely in pan, on a wire
rack. Cut into bars with a wet knife.
Makes 24 brownies.