Welcome New Subscribers
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy
of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
Remember
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

There was a man who traveled all around the world.  Every city
he stopped in he would buy something for his mother and send it
to her.  On one such stop he found a parrot that spoke thirty
different languages.  He immediately bought it and sent it home
to his mother.

A few days later he calls his mother.  "Did you like the
parrot?" he asked her.

"Oh yes," she replied.  "It was delicious."

"WHAT!" the man cried. "You ate it? That parrot wasn't for you
to eat! It spoke thirty languages!"

The mother paused for a moment and then said, "Stupid bird,so why didn't he
say something?"
**** Quickies ****
In airplanes, why is there no window in the toilet?
Who on earth is going to see in?
~
I filled out a rental application that asked, "Do you own any liquid-filled furniture?" Couldn't they just have said water bed? How many other forms of liquid-filled furniture are there? "Yeah, I have a beer couch, will that be a problem?"
~
Saudi Arabia offered to help lower gasoline prices Sunday.

It's just in time for the holiday. Americans are about to celebrate Gasover, when an angel stops by the door of every SUV and collects the first-born child in payment for a fill-up.
~

**** Visiting Doc Taz M.D.  D.V.M. ****

A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told
him, "You're in terrific shape.  There's nothing wrong with
you.  Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35 year
old.  By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

 

The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?" The doctor was
surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"

 

The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still
goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week
during the summer."

 

The doctor couldn't believe it!  So he said, "Well, how old was your
grandfather when he died?"

 

The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"

 

The doctor was astonished.  He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60
years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive?  Is
your grandfather very active?"

 

The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and
surfing once a week during the summer.  Not only that," said the
patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is
getting married again."

 

The doctor said, "At 106 years why on earth would your grandfather
wants to get married?"

 

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Did I say he wanted to?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, MiMi walks into a dentist's office
and asks how much it will cost to extract
wisdom teeth.

"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," she
says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't
use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down
to $60."

"That's still too expensive," MiMi says.

"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on
anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out
with a pair of pliers, I could get away with
charging $20."

"Nope," moans the MiMi, "it's still too much."

"Hm," says the dentist, scratching his head.
"If I let one of my students do it for the
experience, I suppose I could charge you
just $10."

"Marvelous," says MiMi,
Book Eddie for next Tuesday.



**** ON THIS DAY ****

**** HEADS UP FOLKS ****
These Are My Causes Please Help

This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent.  I use it myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation 
http://www.organdonor.gov/

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram
in exchange for advertising.
 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. 
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
&
The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to  click on it daily to meet their quota
of getting free food donated  every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes less than a  minute to go
to their site and click on "feed an animal in need"  for free! This doesn't cost you a thing! Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned/neglected animals in exchange
for advertising. 
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know!
 http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a link for FREE virus protection
http://avast.com
It is excellent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FOR OUR FRIENDS IN WARMER CLIMATES
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts or Comments
jokes or stories
U Send'em and I'll print'em
Just keep it clean.A lota kids read this
jim4615@earthlink.net
Subject Line--- The Funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** Amy's Kitchen ****  

Crockpot Ham and Bean Soup

  Crockpot Ham and Bean Soup  
This bean soup is made so easily, with dried beans, water, ham, chopped vegetables, and seasonings.   INGREDIENTS:
   
   1 pound dried Navy beans, sorted and soaked overnight, drained  
   2 quarts water  
   1 meaty ham bone or chunks of ham  
   1 teaspoon salt, or to taste  
   1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper  
   3/4 cup chopped celery with leaves  
   1/2 cup chopped onion
  PREPARATION:
Combine beans and water in a large saucepan. Bring to a simmer; cook just until tender. Combine beans and liquid with remaining ingredients in slow cooker. Cover and cook on LOW for 8 to 10 hours.
Serves 8.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOT SUB SANDWICHES  
 
12 round Kaiser rolls (spring for the good stuff)  
1 pound  deli ham lunch meat  
1 pound hard salami lunch meat   
1 pound turkey breast lunch meat  
1 pound sliced mozzarella  cheese  
1/2 yellow onion, thinly sliced  
1/4 cup  Italian Dressing  
Oregano (or Italian seasoning)   
12 sheets aluminum   

Preheat  oven to 350 degrees. Slice Kaiser rolls and lightly  
brush 1  teaspoon of dressing over each side. Divide the meat  
among 12  rolls and stack on bottom half of each roll using at  
least a few  slices of salami per roll. Add a few onions on top  
of the meat,  then 2 slices of cheese per roll. Sprinkle lightly  
with oregano  or seasoning and add top of roll. Wrap each in  
aluminum foil  making 12 flying-saucer looking wraps and pop in  
oven for 15  minutes. Serve warm right out of the foil.  

Yield: 12 Sandwiches   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crockpot Spicy Pork Chops

These pork chops are cooked in the slow cooker, with bell pepper,
celery, onion, and vegetable juice, along with other seasonings.
INGREDIENTS:
2 ribs celery, sliced
1 cup chopped onion
6 to 8 boneless pork chops, about 3/4 to 1-inch thick
1 green bell pepper, cut in strips
1 red bell pepper, cut in strips
1/2 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper or seasoned pepper
2 cups spicy V-8 vegetable juice or V-8 and 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons cornstarch, blended with 2 tablespoons cold water
PREPARATION:
Place celery and chopped onion in crockpot. Trim excess fat from pork
chops; add to slow cooker. Sprinkle pepper strips around and between
pork chops. Pour V-8 juice over all. Cover and cook on LOW for 6 hours.
With a slotted spoon, transfer pork chops and vegetables to a platter;
keep warm.
Strain remaining juices into a measuring cup; skim off fat. Measure 2
cups of liquid into a saucepan. Stir in the cornstarch and water
mixture. Cook, stirring, over medium heat until thickened and bubbly.
Continue cooking for 2 minutes longer, stirring frequently. Serve pork
chops with the vegetables and hot spicy sauce.
Serves 6 to 8.