Subject: The Genie & The  Cowboy

A modern day cowboy has  spent many days crossing the Texasplains without water.His horse has  already died of thirst.He's crawling through the sand, certain that he  has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden; he sees an object  sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls  to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to  be an old brief case.He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull  gray dress.There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You  know how I work. You have three wishes."

"I'm not  falling for this." said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an IRS genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation,  and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The cowboy  thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food  and drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself  in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with  jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's  your second wish."

"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds  himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and  precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes,  the cowboy says... "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women  will want and need me."

***POOF***

He turned  into a tampon.

The moral of the story:

If the  government offers you anything,
there's going to be a string attached.
~~~~~~~~~~BaBs~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a bad day

A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover
the recent fires. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the
smoke was so thick that it would make it impossible to photograph
anything from ground level.

He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air and
was told to report to a nearby airport, where a single engine plane
would be waiting for him.

When he arrived at the airport a plane was warming up near the gate.He
jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the
plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.

The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low
passes so I can take some pictures - I need some close-up shots."

The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So, you're
telling me you're not the flight instructor?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wal-Mart announced plans to help the federal government
balance its budget deficet. Wal-Mart  is introducing
a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger
label. And the top is now the bottom.  And by the time
old people figurs out how to open it, they will kick the bucket.
Spokesmen for Wal-Mart say the new bottle will help to balance
the budget for Social Security.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men vs. Women, the battle continues...

A French teacher was explaining to her
class that in French, unlike English, nouns
are designated as either masculine or feminine.

House is feminine "la maison," ou
Pencil is masculine "le crayon."

A student asked, "What gender is a computer?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split
the class into two groups -male and female-
and asked them to decide for themselves whether
"computer" should be a masculine or a feminine
noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons
for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should
definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The
native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later review; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine
(le
computer) because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They
have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are
supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young woman really thought she'd been very patient through
a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.
One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant.
As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, "So . . .  how
do you like your rice? Boiled? Or fried?"
Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and
replied clearly, "Thrown."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OLDIE
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to
take a CPR course. We used the well known mannequin victim,
Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie
was only a torso to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went
off in groups to practice.

As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked,
"Are you all right?"

He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.
Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't
feel her legs!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ain't It The Truth"

AT LAST. . . A bumper sticker for both parties!!

FINALLY. . . Someone has come out with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker!!

It's the hottest selling bumper sticker; and it comes from the state of New York

     "2008 ~ RUN, HILLARY, RUN !!"

When thieves get caught stealing money, they go to jail.
When politicians get caught, it's an honest mistake.